


The one she wasn't

by bymak



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Ripping a band aid off a gaping bleeding hole has nothing on this, There's some self harm mention way way way ahead, You will endure enough angst to never read angst ever again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 104
Words: 277,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bymak/pseuds/bymak
Summary: Eleven-year-old Parker Carter, formally known as Jessica Reynolds, Isabella Danvers, Amanda Sumner, along with her mom, have never stayed in one place for very long. Her mom has always had this sadness that clung to her. Another move, another house, but this time feels different.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 1601
Kudos: 367





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! I've been working my beta hard :P Don't worry, all the other ones are still being written or betaed.
> 
> This one is set right after Entity, and hopefully, you'll like it :P . Let's start!

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

I didn't know what love looked like until I saw them dance under the moonlight. When they thought no one was watching them.

One of his hands was spread open on the small of her back. One of hers rested at his neck, playing with the short hair there. Opposite hands were linked together tightly, as if their lives depended on it, pressed between their bodies.

Their gazes were locked, their eyes never wavered — blues watching browns. Browns glued to blues. Both shining with unspoken words as both prayed the soft notes would never come to an end. They moved slowly to a rhythm of their own, never breaking apart. There wasn't even an inch between the two. It was a time that was theirs and theirs alone, one perfectly stolen moment.

It was way past my bedtime, but it was Mom's birthday. She often allowed me to stay awake longer for special occasions. We had this ritual of our own, where she would let me sleep in her bed for my birthday and hers. That's why I came down and found them.

The few friends she invited for this small gathering left the house hours ago.

Yet, she took her sweet time coming upstairs. Longer than I would have thought she needed. So, I went down searching for her. Thinking that once again she managed to entertain herself, with her never-ending work.

I was surprised when I found him still there. It was weird, I thought. That the only one who had remained, when everyone else had left, was him. Especially when she thought he wouldn't come.

I can tell it surprised her. Not only that she was dancing in his arms, but the fact that he was there to start with. I could tell from the way she gasped, and her eyes widened the moment the grey-haired man had entered our house earlier today.

Don't worry, I've seen him before. He visited our house once. Around three weeks after we moved to our new home in Colorado Springs. We had changed our names again, and Mom landed a new job here. For the past four months, she's been working somewhere inside a mountain. Cool, huh?

Anyhow, that day, we were still trying to get rid of the boxes we brought. I must confess that after moving as much as we have in the past years we became very good at boxing and not so much in the unboxing part. So, two or three weeks later, the house was still crowded.

Back to the subject, I was unpacking, trying to find out what we did with my part of our office supplies when I heard the bell. Mom was on the phone with someone from her company, so she nodded me towards the door. I guessed she was waiting for some more work-related packages, so I opened the door.

Boy! He was surprised when he spotted me. He frowned, I smiled politely at him. I tried not to show, that I knew he was frowning, only to try not to show his surprise. Now, Mom… Mom went crazy. I guess she wasn't expecting him to be the one dropping by. She said something like: "Hi, hmm, sir, hmm General, hmm Jack, oh, just, hmm, place those in any space you see free," as she covered the phone receiver with a hand. It was very awkward. I've never seen Mom being that loss for words or flustered before.

Sir General hmm Jack nodded once. I shrugged before I moved out of his way so he could get inside. He looked at me and went like, "Hey, kid. So, you are?"

I know I was impolite but sorry. I didn't even try not to roll my eyes at him. I thought military personnel always got a large file from whoever worked with them. I'm sure my mom mentions me from time to time. But then again, I thought you wouldn't need to be a genius to know who the hell I am, I mean, blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin, too tall for my age, it's a huge giveaway. I guessed that by being her mini clone, it should be obvious who I was, seems not.

"Her daughter?" I replied, not so sure what he expected me to answer. Then, yes, his eyes widened. "I know, we look too much alike," I grinned.

Sir General Jack lowered the boxes on the last free space of the table and rushed out of the door. Faster than I've seen anyone before rushing before, rush out. You know, I'm not sure if I'll ever get to understand the world of the adult. Not when they seem to do the weirdest things. Anyhow, by the time my mom had finished her call, he was long gone. I was back to searching what I needed. Knowing her, I didn't ask, and she didn't tell.

If I haven't confused you enough already, I guess I should at least tell you who I am. My name is Parker, Parker Carter. I turned eleven a little over two weeks ago. Now, my mom, her name is Samantha Carter. Doctor Samantha Carter, Ph.D. Or at least, that's the name she goes by since a week before we arrived here.

Until almost twelve years ago, my mom was part of the USAF. I'm not sure why she retired. I concluded my birth had something to do with it because of the timing. It was never confirmed, and I doubt it will ever be.

She never told me who my father is, and I try not to ask. The few times I brought the subject up, she either clenched her jaw and told me, 'it's not something we can discuss now,' or her eyes would become glassy from unshed tears before she changed the subject.

I'm curious, though.

To add to this mess, after we changed names, we visited the Uncle I didn't know I had. My mom's brother, Mark. He was kind to me, but he was angry with her. His wife, Aunt Linda, seemed more agreeable by far, again with me. I found out that I even have cousins! It was so weird knowing I had more family, after believing all my life that it was my mom and me against the world.

Aunt Linda took me out for a ride, while mom and Uncle Mark discussed the situation. I asked her if she knew my dad, or why my mom left the air force. Or why Uncle Mark was so pissed off, by us showing up. Unhelpfully, Aunt Linda said that those were questions for my mom. I considered asking about the reason why I hadn't met them until now. If she knew why we had to change our name. I figured these would fall into the same answer category, so I didn't prod anymore.

All I know is, that whoever my father was, she suffers if anyone asks. So, as I've said, I try not to.

We also don't talk about anything that happened before my birth, except by the few childhood stories she'd shared on rare occasions. We don't talk about her family. We don't talk about her old friends. I simply don't know who my mother was before I was born. All I know is, at some point, she was a USAF Major.

If I hadn't dropped the one box that contained pictures of the past, she said she'd rather forget, I wouldn't have known anything about her military career before.

I look at them still dancing. I remember having seen him, before the one time he visited. I remember having seen him before clearly now.

He was there, the gray-haired man. He was part of her pictures.

Sir General hmm Jack looked younger and happier. I guess years can make people look old and tired. Well, most people, at least. My mom is gorgeous, but hey, I might be biased.

I just wish I knew the story behind them because the music has long ago ended. There's no other witness to them, besides me and the dark skies. And still, they remain glued together as if they are stuck in a bubble of their own. As if they're afraid that even an inch between them would be greater than oceans and years apart. Is this what love looks like? Are those shiny eyes and unspoken words the most genuine displays of love?

I'm so confused! Really, if love looks like this, then why aren't they together?

**Thursday, February 15, 2001**

SG-1 was scheduled for a briefing, but something was wrong. Daniel was there, Teal'c was there, General Hammond was already there. When Jack joined the group fashionably late as per usual, they confirmed something was utterly wrong.

"Where's Carter?" he asked the moment he entered.

"You weren't with her?" Daniel asked, surprised.

"No? Why would I be with her?" Jack frowned.

"I don't know, that's the only explanation I got for her getting here late."

"Are you saying you haven't checked her lab, even if she's been over fifteen minutes late?"Jack asked, but he didn't stop to hear the answer.

Jack rushed to her lab. Praying to God, he wouldn't find her unconscious or something worse, but she wasn't there. He grabbed the internal phone and dialed the infirmary extension, praying now that she had taken Siler there, or there was something that she needed to consult with Janet about. The nurse at the other end told him that neither Carter nor Fraiser were there.

"Jack," Daniel's tone added to the knot in the pit of his stomach, causing it to constrict. "She never signed in."

"That's not possible. I need to go," Jack said.

"Jack!" Daniel shouted, but it was for naught. Jack was already long gone.

Jack hadn't remembered a day that he prayed so much, since Charlie. First, when he rushed to her lab, then when he called the infirmary. Then all the way to her house. All while wishing his phone would go off to let him know she had a flat or something, as she chuckled embarrassedly on his ear.

He parked his truck outside her house on the curb and noticed the door wide open. As he reached the door, a police car stopped in her driveway. He didn't see them as he elbowed the door slowly so he could go past it.

He saw the broken table, the overturned chairs, the broken vases, and the scattered books. He stepped inside slowly, carefully, praying he would find the bastard that did this to her house still in there, maybe even tied up as she waited for the cops to pick him.

No such luck. He followed the ruins of her home and found it empty.

"Sir?" He turned around surprised when he saw a police officer in her room.

The look of her bedsheets struck Jack, and the way her curtain rail was half-torn out of the wall didn't help. His heart was beating wildly in his chest as he read the things the room was telling him, had happened.

"Sir, is this your house? You shouldn't be here."

"I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill, USAF. It's not my house. It is my 2IC's. Major Carter's house."

"Sir, you need to step out. This is a crime scene."

"Excuse me?"

"A crime scene, the forensic team is on its way."

"She was supposed to be at a briefing now. We have a mission scheduled. She…"

"Sir, I'm sorry. Look, a neighbor alerted 911 about a black van parked in front of the house before there were signs of a fight. Then another caller added that they saw three males taking their neighbor inside the van."

"She was kidnapped?" Jack added with widened eyes.

"It seems likely, sir. Do you know the next of kin? Or her family number so we can inform them and see if there's a ransom?"

"I'm her next of kin," he stated. The officer looked at him, surprised. "Her brother is in San Diego. They aren't close. Our work keeps us in hospitals more times than we would like too, so it seemed easier if I was her next of kin. I need to make a call." Jack wasn't sure why he gave that explanation, but he knew he needed to get out of there.

"Okay, sir. But please remain here until the techs arrive. They might need to get your prints and maybe your shoes to rule you out."

Jack nodded and carefully walked outside as he called Hammond to inform him about the situation. A second officer watched him pace and waited until he lowered his cellphone before approaching him.

"Sir, what can you tell me about the victim?" Jack flinched. 'Victim' and Samantha Carter was something he thought he would never have to hear in the same sentence

"I can tell you that, this is Major Samantha Carter's house. She's an excellent officer and a badass soldier."

"You know if she had a husband, partner, a lover that could be behind this?"

"No, she is single. I'm not aware of any personal relationship. You might want to ask that to her best friend, Doctor Janet Fraiser."

"Do you know Doctor Fraiser?" Jack nodded. "Can you fill out a form with her contact information?"

"Sure."

"Sir, does Major Carter have any enemies? Or someone that could seek revenge? Or was there anything work-related that could end up with her being kidnapped over information?"

"Shit!" Jack growled. "Way more than you would like to know."

"We will need information about any possible enemy…"

"I can't do that."

"Sir, if you can't give us more information, we won't be able to reduce the search area. For kidnappings, those first twenty-four hours are the most important ones."

"I would love to give you all the information I have if I knew it would help to get her back. Most of the things we do are classified. So, I can't. You'll need to get a warrant before I can release information to you. I can't request it because your techs aren't here, and your partner told me I should remain here until then."

Half an hour later, Jack was about to blow. When the techs finally released him. He had filled out more forms than he had memos in his career. Sam's home was being turned upside down in hopes it would give them some information. He couldn't help the feeling of despair as he drove away with his eyes fixated in the several patrol cars that now took over her block.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thursday, March 1, 2001**

Daniel had met Jack O'Neill when he was on the brink of suicide. Back then, the military man with a dark past had issues overcoming the loss of his only son. The suicidal mission to Abydos seemed, to Jack, like the perfect ending for a lousy parent and a life that had cost him more than the damage he'd made.

Things changed as they always do, and Skaara managed to make something click inside of him. And yes, Jack had taken too many lives and had lost the most precious one to him. Still, he found out he could feel things.

Before Jack had returned to Earth, leaving him behind, Daniel had asked Jack why he didn't blow everything as they ordered him. Jack's answer was simple, "Space-monkey, you deserve the life I couldn't have. You've been trying to convince me that allowing them to live is worth the risk. Then, I'll do it for you and Skaara. That kid also deserves a panic free life."

So, Daniel watched him return to Earth, leaving the people who had managed to bring him out of his depression. He wondered if knowing they were alive would keep the man alive. Jack doubted it would. Still, the thought of them being alive, the memories of the few moments that made him feel alive. Those kept him from making a mistake with his own life.

After that, Jack tried to improve. He really did, but it wasn't until years later when the Stargate connected them to war beyond human technology. That he met his real reason to live.

The day he met Samantha Carter, everything fell into place. Daniel saw that clearly when they got to Abydos. He noticed the way Jack sat closer to her than he should. The way Jack had been jealous when she told him to call her Sam. And then he spoke with Jack about it too.

Now, watching Jack flip from the man capable of facing everything, shouting and fighting to get teams out there to search for her, to the despaired man Daniel met at the beginning was baffling. Even if Jack only allowed the latter to appear at the safety of his VIP room when Daniel was the only one remaining.

"We will find her, Jack." He said, placing what he hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulders. Knowing perfectly well that there was no comfort when someone disappeared like Sam just did. He had, after all, his own experience in those situations.

Jack snorted. "Tell me how we'll manage that, Daniel?" The younger man opened his mouth and closed it soon after, slumping defeatedly in the other chair. "Without her, how can we find her? How when we have used almost all of our cards?"

Daniel gulped. The day Sam went missing. Jack had called him to remind them of the GPS tracker they had placed on themselves as a test. When Jack arrived at the SGC, Daniel, SG-2, SG-3, and several members of several other teams were waiting for him at the parking lot.

Several members passed him the gear he would need. He jumped inside the truck that was taking them to her location. Reynolds pushed a P-90 and a zat into his arms. There were no words exchanged until they arrived at the site.

A warehouse in the middle of the city. A perfect location because a black van was missed entirely in the usual crowd. They separated themselves into smaller groups to cover all the possible exits and went in. It was empty, in the middle of the room, there were bloodstains, and her tracker laid in the middle of it.

"Son of a bitch!" Jack hissed.

The sound of his cellphone ringtone brought him out of his reverie, he frowned. All the people who knew his number also knew where he was. The caller id appeared as Unknown, and he thought the ramson was going to be placed finally.

"O'Neill."

"Jack! I can't talk… I'll leave the line open so you can try to track it. I don't know how long it will last. Hurry up."

He jumped into action. He rushed to the scientific floor. Searching for someone who could track the call. He didn't need her to tell him who she was. He knew it was Sam the moment she said his name. He didn't question where she was or how she managed to call him. He figured she would tell them when they got her back because now he knew they were going to get her back.

**Thursday, February 15, 2001**

Sam stretched on her bed, feeling slightly tired. Her mouth felt as if it was filled with cotton, and her mind was sluggish. If she didn't know better, she would have believed she was going to wake up at Janet's infirmary, the softness of her sheets told her otherwise.

She turned to check her watch to realize her alarm hadn't gone off, and she was running late. She knew she would be barely on time if she skipped her shower and breakfast. She sat up in bed when she felt observed, and then it started.

"Fuck! She's awake!" A man shouted from the door of her room, and she rushed up. She aimed for her window, hoping she would be able to get out of her house and put some distance (and maybe some neighbors) between her and the man.

He was faster than her sluggish moves. He grabbed her from by collar of her shirt and pushed her forcefully against the wall. She winced as she heard her curtain rod falling out of the hanger, but her curtain covered half of her movements. Taking that little advantage, she grabbed the first thing she could, and her handheld mirror soon was broken against his head.

"You bitch!" he groaned at her as she rushed away from his grasp. It didn't occur to her that he screamed before because there were more people in there. She found the second guy throwing her books around, searching for something. She had no clue what it was.

She kicked him, and he fell, breaking her coffee table. The second man appeared. Sam used her knowledge of hand to hand combat along with the layout of her house to her advantage. She had him controlled when she managed to grab a vase and hit him on the head—knocking him enough to give her space to make a run for it.

Panting, she rushed to the front door. When the man sprawled over her broken coffee table grabbed her feet, making her fall face-first to the floor. Then he straddled her. She tried to fight, to turn around. To have some space to save herself, but she felt the prick of the needle on her neck.

"Bring something so we can keep her tied! And pass me another dose!"

The next thing she knew was that she was being tied to a chair. Her eyes opened enough so she could see it was similar to one of those that were used to drawn blood. Her left arm was extended, her eyes widened when she saw the scalpel close to her arm.

She squirmed, trying to make their task difficult and managing to kick the guy on his stomach. She only gained a punch on her face, one she knew would bruise horribly.

"Stay still, or you risk cutting your damn vein!" the man panted. The second man approached then, placing his two hands on her arm—one right below her elbow, one over her arm, pressing her down.

The scalpel made a quick cut, and she couldn't help the scream even if she tried. The worse part was coming soon, and she knew it. The first guy grabbed some tweezer and started moving them inside her open wound until he found it. Throwing the small transmitter to the floor, the guy made sure to get some over it.

Since drugs didn't do it, maybe low blow would, he thought. When Sam passed out again, they placed her inside another van, and head out of the city. They changed cars at least two times before she stirred, looking pale from the blood loss.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"You." The man grinned. Sam thought it was one of the scariest smiles she'd ever seen, and she had seen a lot.

For the following days, she never saw the light of the day. She wasn't even sure what time it was. What Sam knew for sure was, they were doing it on purpose, to break her. They tried torturing her for information, and she resisted.

Her body was slowly shutting down. She stayed out more time out than conscious. Until guy three joined the team. He was kind to her, helped her eat, washed her, took care of her, brought her clean clothes, helped her dress. He told her she could be the queen of the world if she helped them. She had no idea why they were after her. She had no idea where she was, and without her tracker, her only chance was to escape by her own means unless the Asgards would help them.

So, she played their game, she complied. By the next "day," she was "in love" with Rick, aka guy three. She thanked God for having been part of the theater club back in school and thought about Jack when she spoke with Rick. Her eyes were shining with love and care, and he bought it.

More time passed, Rick was happy to see she was complying. She was placed behind some computers, where she was supposedly recreating the gate dialing program from scratch. Sam showed them some advances, and they were happy to see she was part of their team.

"Stockholm Syndrome," Sam had heard them mutter, and she couldn't be prouder of her farse. What they didn't know was that behind that, she was also trying to hack her way into getting help. Since she was cut out of the internet or any network, it was proving more difficult than she thought it would be. Until someone made a mistake, she got an alert about a working cellphone, and she tagged herself to the signal.

Using it, she hijacked the phone through software, and she dialed one of the few numbers she knew by heart while lowering the volume of the computers so she wouldn't alert her captors about it.

"O'Neill," Jack's voice brought butterflies to her stomach before she could react. She shook herself out of it.

"Jack! I can't talk… I will leave the line open so you can try to track it. I don't know how long it will last. Hurry up." She said and muted the phone. The last thing she needed was someone eavesdropping what was going on, on either side of the call.

Sam kept working on what she was supposedly providing them until she noticed she lost the signal. She wanted to scream, to tear her hair out, but she took a deep breath. No one inside the compound would know what she had tried. No one would know she had contacted Jack.

She now knew that guy one to three were the kindest ones of the whole place. Four to twenty just wanted to beat the crap of her or abuse her in ways she didn't want to dwell. She knew because, during the first days of torture, they were also very graphic on what they would do to her when she was a free meal.

The door of her room opened, and Rick entered, all soft smiles and loving gazes. She bit her lower lip seductively, and he claimed her lips soon. Sam hated herself because of this. She knew she was doing it to remain alive. Every day, his hands became more possessive; every day, they explored a bit more of her body. If the SGC didn't hurry the heck up, there would be a day when she wouldn't have bruises anymore. Without them, all her pained excuses for why she wasn't having sex with him wouldn't exist.

Rick's hand found the hem of her shirt and pulled it up. She raised her arms, allowing him to get rid of the item. He smiled. That day he had picked a pink lacy bra that he loved on her. With dilated eyes, he attacked her breast, and she moaned.

'Come on, Sam. You can do it. It's this or your life,' she pep-talked in her mind, as she tried to sound as if she was enjoying his ministrations. She saw her chance and moved her body, letting out a pained ow, when her broken rib made itself acknowledged.

"Are you okay?" Rick asked, caressing her cheek. She bit her now half swollen lower lip and nodded once.

"The ribs," she panted and pouted as if she wanted him to continue. "They'll heal soon enough, right?"

Rick placed a soft kiss over the black bruise that covered her ribcage and licked her skin, alternating it with wet kisses as he made his way up to her lips. She forced herself to kiss him passionately. Thinking all the time that this was Jack and not this man, she didn't even know.

"Soon, we will be one." He pecked her lip once more, "Until then. I'll need you to work. Once you are healed, I'll give you this reward," he said, cupping himself with her hand. Sam licked her lips as if it was the most desired thing in the world and hoped the disgust she felt didn't go noticed.

He left her alone after that last kiss, and Sam sighed. She prayed Jack had managed to get someone to locate her.

The next time she saw Rick, he wasn't all-loving and caring. He had a gun and was aiming at her. "Somehow, they found you. The only way you get out of here alive is if you come with me. I'm going to place this gun against your temple, and we are going to walk away. They won't shoot me if I have you. Then we can both go and start over in another place."

Sam just nodded and followed his instructions. When she saw her team aiming at Rick, she heard the distinctive click of his gun being readied against her temple. She saw Colonel O'Neill pointing at him, and memories about the stupid entity that had taken over her body overtook her for a second.

She saw as his P-90 fired, but she only felt the electric blast of a zat before everything went dark again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

**Friday, March 2, 2001**

Sam blinked awake. Her mouth felt as it was filled with cotton, and her brain was sluggish. She sighed, feeling a bit of a déjà vu until she looked up and recognized the ceiling of the SGC infirmary. She felt the warmth of a hand that was linked with hers. She turned her head to the right side and found him, his head right next to their joined hands. The light sounds of his snoring told her he was sleeping. She smiled lovingly at him but didn't move her fingers to avoid waking him up.

She turned her head to the left and wasn't surprised to see Daniel sleeping awkwardly in a chair. Teal'c was also there, Kel-no-reeming at the end of her bed. For the first time in days, she felt safe and went back to sleep.

When she woke up later that same day, the hand was still there. The Colonel had a book placed against her hip. He seemed to be reading as he waited for her to awake. She gave his hand a light squeeze, and he looked up.

"Hey there! Let me get you some water. I'll call Janet. You had all of us worried there for a while." He tried to keep it light, but she knew by the way he looked that he had been worried beyond himself.

"How long?" she asked. The date on the computer they gave her was randomly set to 01/01/1800 13:24. It didn't matter how long she was working, the next time she checked it, it was back to the start. She knew there had been at least five days since she started cooperating, but she didn't know how long it was before that.

"Fourteen days."

"I'm sorry," she said, and he snapped up so quickly that she thought he might break his neck.

"Why? You were kidnapped; it's not your fault."

"I cooperated, sir."

"To stay alive! You helped us find you while you were at it. You have nothing to apologize for, Carter."

"Sir…" she started. "I just feel for the past year, I've been nothing more than a liability for the SGC."

"Carter…"

"No, let me finish, sir. Think about it, two weeks before they kidnapped me, I was running around with an electronic lifeform in my brain. Before that, I took a cadet to a planet that almost killed all of us. I helped with the plans of the X301 that almost got you, and Teal'c killed. We got mind stamped, and even then, with another identity. I almost got ourselves killed! Then the whole getting trapped behind that stupid barrier that led to us being watched more than we had been watched before. Now, add the final straw, I got kidnapped from my own house. If I weren't so resistant to drugs, thanks to Jolinar, I wouldn't even figure out I was being taken. I would've just disappeared out of the blue."

"Carter, you are not a liability. We are all walking targets, and they aren't all aliens. We all know that. We can't live worrying about it, or we'll become paranoid. Don't do that to yourself, Carter. You are too valuable for the program. Heck! I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. I would be playing farmer, driving myself nuts back in Edora."

**Tuesday, March 6, 2001**

Jack's head was starting to spin. It seemed to him that the words he had spoken, when Carter was still in the ISO room waiting to be checked out after her fifteen days ordeal, were on repeat now. It also seemed that the crew he was facing was keen on taking her version of the facts.

"Sirs, it doesn't make sense. Major Carter is the one saving our collective asses, time, and time again. What are we going to do if we lose such an important asset?"

"That's exactly why we are doing this, Colonel."

"Let us take care of her safety. We've been doing great since the start of the program. We can continue to do so."

"Yes, Colonel. So great that someone kidnapped her from her home. The decision has been made. You were brought here not to try and convince us otherwise, but to be informed of your next mission."

"My next mission?" Jack frowned, looking around the table. None of the men flinched under his gaze.

"Yes, Colonel. Your next mission is to inform Major Carter of the events that will occur on March 14th, 2001. After briefing her, you will be joining her on whatever activity she chooses to do, during the next few days until the marked date. We're gracious. Allowing her time to get her affairs in order. We understand she has a brother that she might want to see before we take her into custody."

"You want me to drop the bomb on her?"

"Yes, Colonel. No one else knows about this decision."

"Why don't you tell her?" he spat. A General raised his eyebrow, not amused by his behavior. "What happens if I say no?"

"Well, there's one confession that we can bring up. It will be the end of both your careers," the General said, pushing a folder towards Jack. He opened to find the Tok'ra report of the Zat'arc case. "I'm sure what we're offering here is better than life at Leavenworth."

"I'll resign, there's no fault if one of us is not military before you present your case." He stated. The grin on the General's face told him otherwise.

"You could try that, Colonel. Are you sure you want to go against the Joint Chiefs? Are you sure you want her to go against us when she doesn't know the reason? When the Major doesn't know that she could willingly leave, and let you live a life as a free man? Think about it, Colonel. There's a flight waiting for you at Andrews. "

"Our offer is a good one, Colonel," a marine general told him. "You both will be free. She'll be safer living under an alias. We all know Major Carter carries in her mind information that's too valuable. She even developed a halfway working dialing program in the days, Rick Jameson and his gang had her. We thank God they were only going for that. We can't imagine what would have happened if they were searching deeper, like her knowledge about the Tok'ra or her changed genetics."

"When would it end? What hope can I offer her, of returning to her life?" Jack asked, feeling desperate.

"We must be sure the NID rogue teams that still exist aren't a threat anymore. The war against the Goa'uld must come to an end."

"I have no hope to give her, then," Jack huffed. "She gave it all she had, for this, sirs. Why don't you let her choose if she wants to keep risking herself or hide in the dark?"

"Because we know she will want to keep risking herself. That's why we're sending you. The only other way for her to go is rogue. That doesn't make sense when it will end up with you in jail anyway." Jack clenched his jaw at the, not at all subtle threat.

"If we're hiding her from the NID. What makes you think she won't be compromised by whoever will be in charge of her future?"

"There's a plan in place, Colonel. There's only a handful of people who knows her identity and will oversee hiding it. After she has a new name, she will be moved around until there's no trace of her first fake identity anymore. If anyone even says she looks like Samantha Carter, she will be moved again. We take her safety seriously, Colonel. We know we need her if we want to win this war. Even if you don't know who she is by then. "

"How are you going to explain her disappearance? She can't simply vanish from the face of Earth when she has family both on Earth and off-world."

"That's not for you to worry, Colonel. She will have the proper papers, and you'll have some explanations for her family when the time comes. Beyond the 'transfer,' you shouldn't worry about her whereabouts."

"That's all Colonel, any questions you might have will be answered by the handler that will join you on the flight back to Colorado. The handler will give you the information you need to get her to the safehouse."

Jack got out of the room and walked the sterile corridors of the Pentagon. Thinking he had no clue how he could drop this on her when he was the one who didn't want to let her go.

How would he explain to her that after leaving the SGC that afternoon, a black limousine waited for him at his house, engines on and an officer inside it, that had an official request that forced him to get inside and drove him to Peterson? Then afterward, he was flown to DC and drove straight to the Pentagon with a meeting with the Joint Chiefs, who had decided she was safer not only outside the program. But outside of her own life?

The following working day, he avoided her at all costs. He avoided Daniel and even Hammond. He knew his gaze read trouble. Jack also knew Hammond wouldn't prod but would send Daniel to check on him. The space-monkey had the uncanny ability to make him talk. A skill that, for Jack's current frustration, Daniel shared with Sam.

By the time noon hit, Jack was already going crazy and ready to bolt. When his clock announced his working hours were complete, he rushed out of the base and went for a drive to clear his mind. He didn't notice how long it was until he parked in front of her house. He hoped she hadn't decided to stay on base for the day.

Her lights were on, so he decided he couldn't push it any further. Not that the joint chiefs had given him time to dwell. Sighing, he walked to her door, rung the bell, and waited. He heard movement inside, and soon, her door was open.

"Sir?" she said politely, but the frown on her face was a tell-tale sign that she wasn't feeling friendly.

"Ah, Carter…" he managed to say. The tone he used was more than enough to let her know something was wrong. Added to the fact that he had been hiding from her during that whole day made the angriness she was feeling ebb away. Her frown softened to a smile, and she moved away from the door, letting him in.

"Sir?" she asked again, this time he knew she was trying no to show to him, how scared she was from what he was about to say. He sighed. "What's wrong, sir?"

"Carter," he sighed. "Last night, I was picked up and flown to DC for a meeting with the top brass." His expression changed to a troubled one.

"Are they reassigning you?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"No, not me." He sighed and looked at her. Her eyes widened, he knew then that she had understood part of what he wasn't saying. "Carter, the Joint Chiefs convinced POTUS that you are a risk to national security if you remain here."

"They are transferring me out because some asshole kidnapped me?" She asked in disbelief. Remembering she had concluded the same, she couldn't exactly blame the Joint Chiefs for thinking it. He shook his head no. "They are not transferring me?"

"No."

"But I won't be here?" she asked again. Once again, Jack shook his head no. "I don't understand," she whispered. Her eyes were wide, fear swimming inside her blue pools. Surely what her mind had concluded, couldn't be what they had decided, right?

"Carter…Sam…"

"Oh shit, it is what I'm thinking. I can't accept it! I won't! Please don't make me," she begged, biting her lower lip, still waiting for an explanation. Waiting for him to tell her she was wrong, even if he didn't know what she was thinking.

"Sam, they're placing you under the witness protection program," he whispered. She knew his heart was breaking almost as much as hers. It wasn't only her heart. She was about to break. Sam felt utterly grateful that somehow he got permission to break this to her at home, instead of inside of the base.

"No. I'll refuse it! I won't do it! I won't hide under a different identity, just because they're scared! I'm not…"

"Sam, unless you are considering fleeing the country. They will force you to do it. Believe me. I tried to convince them it was a dumb idea to send you away when we need you to solve every issue that we have. It's done for them."

"This is bullshit!"

"I know. If you want to flee the country, let me know. We'll make it happen."

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked, squinting her eyes.

"Nothing. You have a week, so you can visit your brother and settle your affairs. Before they take you into custody."

"And how are they so sure I won't flee then?" Jack gulped. "They are sending you with me..." she added in disbelief.

"Yeah," he grimaced. "They mentioned a confession, taken by alien technology."

"They are hanging that over your head! That's why you're willing to do this?"

"No. I don't like this any more than you do, Sam. The thing is by the 14th; you need to be inside their safe house."

"What happens to me, then? What happens to Samantha Carter?"

"I don't know. They said you'd get a new identity, and once that stuck, they would solve 'Samantha Carter' situation. Once I take you to the safehouse, we wait until your handler comes and escorts me out. That will be the last day I or anyone else will see you."

"Who else knows about this?" she asked, dropping herself onto the couch.

"No one. I was briefed because they had something to hang over my head. You know I wouldn't be here if there wasn't some way out of this. I'm sorry, I never intended to put my career on your shoulders. I never wanted to push you to choose."

"Tell me the truth, Jack. What happens if I stay?" He sighed and dropped next to her.

"They'll send us both to Leavenworth," he mumbled.

"You are doing this for me. You are willing to take me there, so I don't end up in jail."

"I …"

"If I do this. If I don't stay here, and I don't go rogue… will you mourn me and then continue living? Really living, not that shit you called life when I met you."

"Sam… you know I can't." She raised her eyebrow. "It'll sound corny, but without you, life is meaningless, and I never even had you…"

"How is it possible that we always end up with the worst-case scenario? In this reality or any other?" she shook her head. "I guess whatever I do during this week won't make into my files…"

"Well, the guy that I shared my flight with said you could do whatever the heck you wanted. For all intents and purposes, you're all but gone. Shit, that sounds awful." She crooked her head and looked at him.

"Then, what I want for my last week is for you to have me, all of me. If you are still interested?" Sam hoped, suckling on her lower lip. Jack searched her eyes, looking for some doubt, and found none.

"A week."

"One week and then, we'll both need to learn how to live again," Sam said, before reaching over for a soft kiss. They weren't sure whose salty tears they tasted, but they knew this kiss was the beginning of the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! You got here! End of chapter 3...  
> Hopefully, you'll remain after this :)  
> To be honest, I'm not sure it can happen this way, so... let's stick with it being AU.  
> Stay safe!


	4. Chapter 4

**Wednesday, March 7, 2001**

Jack's hand caressed her face softly. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling, and left out a sigh. Sam shook her head, trying to come to terms with the ludicrous situation in which she was. She had just kissed her CO after telling him she was willing to do anything with him. While she tried to figure out what one should do with a week before one stopped existing.

"God, this is so…" She stopped trying to find a word to describe what she was feeling but shook her head as she decided with one. "Absurd."

Jack couldn't find words to add. He was barely hanging there too. Jack always knew she was stronger than him. He had just dropped the bomb on her, and she was still capable of speaking while he was rendered utterly speechless. Fearing his voice would be too broken and scare her away for good.

Having no words, he opted for pulling her close. He cuddled with her on her couch. Both thinking about everything they weren't saying, and everything they should say. It was the rumble of his stomach that brought Sam out of her comfortable position half on top of him.

"When was the last time you ate?" she asked. Jack sighed. Her expression was a no-bullshit one.

"I don't remember. Somewhere between lunch and today?"

"Lunch?" Sam frowned. "Ah, they picked you up last night. Why didn't you come to me earlier?" she asked.

"I couldn't."

"That's why you were hiding?" He nodded. She stood up and offered him her hand. "Come, let's feed you." She walked him to her kitchen and nodded towards one bench by the island. She moved around her kitchen, getting several things out of distinct places.

"Wait? No delivery?"

"We can order out if you want. I don't mind cooking, though. I was going to make myself some pasta for dinner tonight, but I ended up feeling it was too much of a dinner for one."

"You cook?" He asked, taken by surprise with that fact. She rolled her eyes at him.

"I took cooking lessons. So, I can feed myself decently," Sam grinned. "I just don't go bragging about it. Too many bad experiences, I guess." Not even half an hour later, they were both sitting by the island eating what she had made.

"Whoa, it's delicious."

"Thanks, it was my mom's recipe." She raised her head, eyes fixated on the ceiling. "What does one do, when you have a week to live?"

"Make memories and forget what-ifs," he answered with little of a thought.

"Sounds like a wonderful plan," she said, turning to watch him. "What would you do in my place, Jack?"

Jack didn't need words to answer her; he caressed her face and brought her close to him. He forced her to stand up and settled her between his legs. His thumbs found her lips and traced them before he pulled her face up, kissing her slowly and sensuously. His tongue found its way into her mouth, their tongues searching, exploring, and dancing together as they learned each other.

When they broke for air, she suckled her lower lip. Her hair was mussed, her lips swollen, and her pupils dilated. Jack thought he had never seen her looking so beautiful.

"Huh," she said after a while as she took a couple of steps away from him. "I think I agree with your input." Jack frowned as she walked away from him, not saying anything else. "Are you coming or not?"

Before either could change their mind, he was already walking next to her. She linked their hands together and blushed as she opened the door to her room.

"Are you sure?" he asked and wanted to facepalm himself for it. He wanted to! He had wanted this for years!

"Sure?" She snorted. "God, I've imagined this for years! Now, I can finally see if my imagination is as good as reality."

"No pressure, huh?" he joked, bringing her close again. She smiled brightly and laced her hands around his neck.

"I'm sure you can handle it, Jack," she smiled and pulled his head down.

Clothes were slowly torn down from their bodies as they set into discovering what laid in every inch of skin that appeared. They ambled, taking every sweet second, and exploiting it beyond any thought they had about them. Ecstasy came in breathy screams, swallowed in each other's mouths. Bodies trembled and collapsed as close as they get to one another.

"Don't," Sam whispered when he tried to move and pull out of her. "Don't move… not yet," she added, savoring the moment as it was. Feeling complete and strangely at peace, even if she had just broken every single line she had carefully placed upon herself since joining the USAF.

Jack only moved to bring her closer, tightening his grasps on her. Thinking if he let her go, any part of her, he would wake up and find out it was just a dream. Jack shook his head; he wouldn't mind if the start of this situation was just a dream. If the thing that brought her to him, the thing that had them sharing a forbidden bed, was nothing but an awful dream. He wouldn't mind losing this one sweet and perfect moment, in exchange for years of having her under his watch.

"You are overthinking, Jack," she said chuckling. "I know because I'm usually the one doing it." Sam moved away from him, breaking their contact with a whimper. It had never happened to her. To feel as if she got part of herself taken away when she pulled away from such an intimate link. Yet, she shook herself, he was overthinking, and she needed to stop him.

"What are you thinking?" Sam asked, not even bothering to cover herself. Jack looked at her. Despite her nakedness, his eyes never left hers.

Out of its own volition, his hand traced her clavicle and her shoulders before it lowered down her arm. Sam shuddered at the barely there contact.

"In all honesty?"

"In all honesty," she nodded, seeing the struggle dancing in his eyes.

"I was thinking, this is the most perfect moment in my entire life. I wouldn't doubt trading it for more years of us just being CO and 2IC," he said, and her face fell.

"Is this not worthy?" she asked. Sam couldn't avoid the pain in her voice even though she tried.

"It's oh so worthy, Sam. But, if it's this moment and whatever stolen moment we get to have until I have to leave you. Or having the chance of seeing you every day. Having lunch with you, going on missions with you. Seeing you save my butt as I take care of your safety, that's priceless. I wouldn't doubt trading this for it."

"So, I mean more to you as a friend than as a lover?"

"No, I'm saying that you mean so much to me I could forego intimacy just to have you near me. No matter how much I think, what we have shouldn't be kept locked inside."

"And they say you aren't good with words," she chuckled, her eyes filled with tears.

"I love you, Samantha Carter. I would give everything I have to keep you near me."

"We should just flee," she sighed. "We should just go to the base tomorrow and escape to the first planet we come to. We could disappear on aliens' space."

"Tell me you didn't think about all the chances we have, or you have if we do that. Because I know I did."

"I did. There's not much we can do," Sam said, fidgeting. "Ergo," she added, waving her hand between them.

"I knew you reached that conclusion the moment you opened that door," Jack grimaced, pointing to her room door. "I wish we could do things differently…."

"Well, other Sams and other Jacks didn't have it so good either," she said. Remembering the last Sam that had visited them had lost her Jack for good. "At least I'll know you are alive, and you'll know I am too."

"Talk about bad silver linings," he huffed. She smiled, moving closer to him. She stopped, her face an inch away from his, their lips almost touching.

"I can think of a better silver lining." She whispered against his lips, her breath tickling them. This time he was the one closing the space between them. This time their coupling wasn't soft, sweet, and all about learning and exploring. This time it was about opportunity and reassurance. It was about knowing they were alive and proving it to each other.

When morning came, Jack peeled himself from her bed. She raised her head a little and sighed. "I so wouldn't mind if my future looked like this. I wouldn't mind waking up with you by my side every day. I wouldn't mind if you were the last thing I saw before I went to sleep." Sam confessed in a whisper before she bit her lower lip. She wanted to tell him those three little words, but she wasn't sure she could let them out. Not when it would tear her apart to lose him, as it was. Not when she was going to disappear on him, leaving him with the heavy burden of her love.

"Well, sleepyhead, I wouldn't mind it either. What I can provide for you today, is the experience of sharing a shower. So we aren't late for work." She checked the watch and grinned mischievously. Oh, they had time, plenty of time to share more than just a shower experience.

It wasn't until hours later when Sam's workday was coming to an end when she weighed for the first time how bad her situation would be. Her 'leave days approval' was on her worktable, right next to the laptop she wouldn't ever use again.

Before she could stop it, she was trying to commit to memory every single inch of her lab. Knowing that the little things would be the first to be forgotten. On the spur of the moment, and maybe some despair, she grabbed a few minor things that no one would notice if they went missing. Pieces that would remind her of what she had had.

A small blue iridescent pebble that Teal'c had picked up when Jack and she had taught him how to make them bounce in an off-world lake. Teal'c had presented it to her, telling her it was the same blue of her eyes. A paper with scribbled notes from Daniel. From when she was trying to figure out an alien device and needed his help with the writings. She smiled. That doohickey, they found out later, was the alien version of a funny mug. The transcript mentioning something about the owner of the cup and how she liked her brew.

She threw those two items inside her BDU jacket pockets and took a deep breath. Noticing this might be the last time she wore BDU's in her life. She decided not to dwell on it. Instead, she focused on a pen that lay forgotten on her worktable. A pen she left there on purpose, so Jack would have something to fidget with any time he dropped to speak with her.

Out of an impulse, she picked the pen too. Giving one last longing look to her lab, she turned the lights off for the last time and closed the safety door. A knot settled in her throat, and tears welled up in her eyes.

She had never felt the need to settle before. She had spent most of her childhood uprooting from her life. Then, she joined the USAF and never tried to find a place to root herself, not even with Jonas. Not until the SGC, not until Jack O'Neill.

Now, she was feeling for the first time the heartbreak she'd never felt before. She wanted to stay. Her heart was telling her that this grey place with poor ventilation, that smelled like breathed air, disinfectant, and sweat was more of a home for her than any house she could find or own.

Home wasn't the several houses, condos, or apartments she had lived during her entire life. Home was this place. Where she had met people who cared for her and people she cared for in turn. It was this place. Where she met people worthy of her sacrifice, and who were willing to sacrifice themselves for others. Home was this place, where she learned about genuine friendship and real hardships. Home, for her, was made of all the memories of victories and luck, of saved lives and loss. Home was this place where, without looking for it, she found her true love.

"Carter, there you are!" Jack smiled. He gulped down the knot he felt when he realized this would be the last time in a while, if ever, that he would have the chance of seeing her standing in one corridor of the SGC. "You ready?" She nodded, not trusting her voice.

They completed their way to the parking lot in silence. Their minds were swimming with the many lasts that were happening as they moved through the building.

"Have you decided when you will see your brother?" He asked once they had left the last checkpoint and walked towards their cars. He clenched his jaw. This would be the last time her car would be parked next to his. The last time she would use her parking spot.

"Not really, but I guess the sooner, the better. I should just pull that uncomfortable band-aid off all the way and try to survive it. Maybe we can fly the morning after team night?"

He hummed an answer. She followed his line of sight, landing on the small sign that marked that spot as hers.

"A lot of lasts…." she whispered with a broken voice.

Jack turned to watch her and could only nod because he knew he would break if he tried to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day n# 48 on Lockdown here.  
> A big shout out to my beta Loverustal for all her hard work! <3  
> Take care, all of you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wednesday, March 7th, 2001**

As they had agreed, Sam followed Jack home. He opened his door for her before they both stood awkwardly inside. Jack stepped out of his shoes, and Sam figured this was the first time she saw him doing it. All the other times, all the other team nights, they all kept their shoes on. How abusive of them. Not asking if there was some concern about their shoes on his wooden floor.

"What?" Jack frowned when she didn't move.

"You never complained about shoes and your wooden floor," she said in awe.

"What?" Jack chuckled. "It's just a floor, Sam. If it gets scratched by some shoes, so be it! I can fix it or pay someone to fix it for me if I don't have the time." He walked to the general direction of his kitchen. When he returned with two beer bottles in hand, she was still standing by the entrance. "I don't care if you wear shoes, or if you don't. Either way, I'm going to my room to pack." He announced, shoving a beer in her hands. "When you decide what'll you do with them, walk to the end of the corridor. It's the last door on the left."

She blinked in confusion at first, then shook herself out of it. Her brain was definitively short-fusing with all the information it was processing about all the things she was doing for the last time. All the things she never considered as wanting to do. Not to mention the things she wanted to do and would never have a chance to do.

Sam took her shoes off and walked down the corridor. A massive smile on her face as she noticed that this fell in a category of its own: Things she always wanted to do, and she would get a chance to do.

She knocked on his opened door once. He turned around to watch her, a predatory smile on his face. He strode the steps separating him from her. Sam took a couple of steps towards him, but she was forced to take them back when he pushed her against his now closed door. Ravishing her until she wasn't more than jello under his touch.

"I... wow…" she said, unable to form a coherent thought.

"I always wanted to do that," he grinned proudly.

"Have me against your door?" she managed to ask.

"That too," Jack grinned. Helping her out of her clothes and into his bed, settling her in the middle of it. "But I was talking about leaving you speechless."

"Ah," she sucked her lower lip, as he traced her contour with the tips of his fingers and chuckled. "I should confess, it doesn't take much to reach it when it comes out to you."

"Oh, really?" He asked, grinning mischievously. She nodded eagerly, "I should test that theory of yours," he added. The tips of his fingers traced her face, and his lips melted into her skin.

Hours later, when he had managed to leave her speechless several times. While she had managed to leave him boneless in equal measure. He finally zipped his bag closed and chuckled.

"It's never had taken me so long to pack." He said. His eyes fell on hers, through her reflection on his mirror.

Sam walked towards him, wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Smiling softly, she placed a kiss on his neck and grinned.

"Well, you weren't complaining before, were you?" she grinned.

Jack turned around in her arms and kissed her. His tongue feeling home in her mouth as her own caressed his sensuously. He pressed her close, so she could feel what she was doing to him. How crazy she was driving him. Then, reluctantly he broke the kiss, and she whimpered.

"If we don't go know, Samantha, we won't go at all." She pouted. "Hey, I don't mind having you naked, going around my house. But I'm sure the guys will know something is off if we get to your house late, and you are wearing the same BDUs you had on today."

"Right," she sighed, and walked away from his room. "Oh, Jack," she called from the entrance door.

"Yeah?" he asked as he came closer to her.

"I don't know why you took so long packing when I plan to have you naked all the time," she grinned.

"It's that so, Major Carter?"

"It's only fair, Colonel. I can make it an order," she winked at him. Grabbing her all but forgotten purse, she walked out to her car.

Jack rushed to catch her. Getting there in time to get inside the car, before she even had started the engine. Surprised, she turned around to face him.

"It doesn't make sense to take mine if I'm supposed to follow you around," he shrugged.

"Well, it does make sense. You do know how to drive a stick, don't you?" she asked, pointing to the manual gearbox of her car.

"I'm offended you even need to ask," he grinned, making her chuckle.

"I like this," Jack whispered as they waited for a light to turn green. He entwined their fingers over the gear.

"Yeah," Sam said, looking at their hands and then smiling brightly at him. She reached over, pecked his lips, and his hands found her hair, deepening the kiss. The car behind them honked, and reluctantly they let go.

"We'll finish that when we get you home," Jack grinned. He was pleasantly surprised when Sam sped up. They reached her house in record time, and he fulfilled his promise.

That night she fell asleep feeling loved. Jack's arms securing her warmly against him and his breath tickling her neck. When she stretched the next morning, she rubbed her feet against his calf, and he groaned sexily.

"You are going to be the death of me, Samantha," he whispered to her ear. Before he turned her around for a much-needed kiss. By the time they finally had managed to get out of the bed, her legs were wobbly. She was wonderfully pained and utterly famished. Yet, true to her word, they weren't in clothes for long that morning.

"Jack," she said as he placed a kiss on her shoulder that afternoon.

"Yup?" He said as she turned around in his arms, placing her head over his heart.

"Can you help me with something?"

"Sure," he frowned. "What is it?"

"I want to take my bike to Siler's house. I know he'll take good care of it."

"Won't that give away that something's happening with you?" he asked, caressing her back. Not wanting even to consider what it was supposed to happen in a few more days.

"No. I always take it to him when I go to my brother's. He takes it out for a spin and takes care of it. I don't want my bike to go to waste sitting in my garage. All the work I've done on it lost for naught."

"Sure. It will be the perfect reason why I didn't bring my truck when they guys get here for team night."

"Huh…" she sighed. "Now, I have to move from here, and you are so damn comfy."

An hour later, Sam was getting off her bike and looking at it while avoiding Jack's eyes. After taking a deep breath, she walked to the door and talked with the Seargent's wife. By the looks of it, the woman knew Sam. Sam spoke some more to the woman before giving her the key and jogging back to the car.

"All set," she grinned, giving one longing look to her bike.

"There's more to it, isn't there?" Jack asked, turning the engine off, looking at her.

"I…"

"What is it, Sam?" She took a deep breath and looked at her hands.

"When they finally decide what they'll do with me. When my brother annoys them enough and my father pushes it too far… when they'll declare me dead," she stopped as she heard him take a breath. She turned around a half deprecating smile on her face, "that's the only viable outcome. So, when that happens, can you promise me, you'll see that my Indian remains with him? It's part of my will, but I know Mark will try to push it and get it."

"Why?"

"He gets it, Jack. He knows why I love this bike so much. He helped me fix it so many times, and I could always see how much he wanted it too. My brother wants a bike, but he doesn't care for them. Not like Siler does, not like I do."

"Okay. I'll make sure Siler gets it IF they declare you dead. Okay?" she nodded. He turned the engine on and started driving them to her house.

"You think there's a way to stop it? You think I have a chance to get back to this life?" He didn't answer. She understood he was searching for the best words to explain something that might not have an explanation.

They parked outside her house. Daniel's car was already there, but there was no sign of Daniel or Teal'c. Ignoring that fact, Jack turned in the drivers' seat to watch her. They both knew their friends would've either let themselves in or went around the house to get comfortable on her back porch.

"There's one way to stop it. One way to bring you back…"

"Is there? Why didn't you say something?"

"Because it's almost as impossible, as us getting together without this pending doom between us." She blanched.

"The end of the Goa'uld," she stated in complete shock. Jack nodded.

"That's one part of it. There are two fronts, the rogue NID guys and the Goa'uld. They said both are capable of taking you and getting more than they bargained for with you."

"I would never betray the SGC. I would never betray the information to some scumbags!"

"Yeah, I know. You wouldn't do it, not willingly… their concern moved away from the willing or not to the forced to. The one guy that explained more things to me, said they knew about the Tok'ra memory recall device. How you couldn't stop Jolinar's memories with that thing placed on your head."

"But that was for helping purposes!" she fumed.

"Sam," he said, placing a hand over hers. "I know all that. I've made a case against all they've said in that room. I've even explained to them that this solution of theirs would be detrimental to the whole SGC. I told them we need you to fix things we can't fix on our own. Those same things are what's placing you under this witness protection crap. I'm sorry."

"So, you are saying that even if I had some hopes of some magical situation solving this thing… It could be years, if not decades before they decide to free me?" She sighed. "Sometimes, I wonder why we sacrifice ourselves for a world that's so quick to judge."

"I know…" he sighed. "We should get into your house. Check on those guys before they go crazy with worry. You think you are ready to face this?"

"Another bunch of lasts?" she sighed tiredly. "Not really, but it's not like I have a choice."

They entered the house. Spotting quickly their friends who were watching a movie loud enough for them to follow the sounds. They were both sprawled out on the floor and bowl of popcorn between them.

Teal'c was the first to turn around. He eyed them for a second, and the couple knew Teal'c knew they were together. What they weren't sure was if he knew there was something more to that, although they both thought he probably did.

It was Teal'c's movement that alerted Daniel, and he turned around. A devilish smile on his face as he fought with the remote to stop the movie.

"Here you are, guys! I hope it doesn't bother you that we kinda made ourselves home," he said, waving over the popcorn and the tv. "What took you so long?" he sat on the floor and wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. Sam was grateful the room was dark. Otherwise, Daniel would figure out something had happened due to the blush she was now sporting.

"We took her bike to Siler's."

"Ah, right! For your holidays, right? When are you going to visit Mark?"

"I'm thinking of flying out tomorrow, after cleaning whatever mess we leave behind today." She grinned.

"We will help you clean, Major Carter."

"I wouldn't doubt it. So, what are we watching?"

"Dune." Daniel grinned, and Sam couldn't help to roll her eyes at him.

"Oh God, here we go again, yet another weird 80s movie," Jack shook his head. "I'll bring us beer. I'm sure we will need it."

Minutes later, a cold bottle was placed against her hand. She smiled as Jack made himself comfortable on the couch next to her. By the end of the movie, they changed the popcorn for pizza. Dune was changed for Spaceballs, and they were laughing at it.

As the credits rolled in, Sam felt the knot in her throat tightening. Her last team-night, the last time she would see her guys. The last time she would get to see and mock drunk Daniel. The last time she was going to see Teal'c's unfazed expression no matter how weird the movie they picked was. She gulped, excusing herself under the pretense of getting more beer. Jack collected her half-empty bottle and his empty one and followed her.

"How are you hanging in there?" he whispered, startling her.

"This is harder than I thought it would be," she grimaced.

"I'm here for you. You know that, right?" Sam nodded, but her treacherous mind provided her with 'until you are gone too.'

They walked to their friends, Daniel was imitating one of the characters. Teal'c looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"I believe Daniel Jackson will have to sleep on the base tonight," he said as Jack and Sam joined them again.

"I believe you are right, T. Do you got his keys?"

"Indeed," he looked at Sam, crooking his head a little. "We shall go now. I believe O'Neill is capable of helping you clean the remainders of this mess." He said, looking at the paper napkins, missed kernels, and empty bottles scattered through her living room.

"Yup, I'll make myself useful. Danny-boy will be knocked out before you reach base."

"I'm certain, I will need to drag Daniel Jackson to his base quarters. I only hope I survive his singing skills until he is out," Teal'c added as Daniel had started singing. Sam chuckled but bit her lower lip to contain the farewell words that were threatening to leave her.

Instead, she embraced the stoic alien tightly. He answered in kind. "Allow me to remind you, that it was an honor to meet you," he said, and she gulped.

Teal'c wasn't sure what was going on, but he knew the military rules. He had heard Daniel complaining about them for years. Now that he had seen the signs of the change in the Major and Colonel's relationship, along with the jumpy way she was behaving, he knew something had changed. He hoped it didn't mean she was out of the frontlines. However, he wouldn't mind not having her there, if that allowed them to be happy together as he knew they deserved.

"Hey! I want a huggie, too," Daniel shouted. Laughing, Sam embraced him. The guy had become more of a brother to her, than her own brother. "I love you, Sammie!" he said, placing a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Ow! I think I might be a little drunk!"

They all laughed at him. Sam pushed him to Teal'c's arms. Alien and archeologist marched out of her house. As she watched them go from the entrance, she couldn't avoid the tears that fell.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again....

**Saturday, March 10, 2001**

It was still early in the morning when they boarded the plane that would take them to San Diego. They placed their duffel bags in the overhead compartment and took their seats. Jack sighed, he loved flying but hated the small space of the tourist class. His knees touched the back of the seat in front of him, even if he tried to stretch them under it.

Sam chuckled beside him. Her height didn't make it all too comfortable for her either, but she was far better than him.

"We should've grabbed a shuttle," he huffed. "At least there, I don't feel like my legs are being crushed." She laughed, standing a bit, checking there was no one she knew or could know them on board. Before sitting back and kissing him.

"I wouldn't be able to do that on a shuttle," she smiled against his lips.

"Points to commercial flights," Jack grinned, kissing her back. "I love you," Jack whispered to her, as she made herself comfortable next to him.

Neither of them was very affectionate before, but it seemed the short time they had ahead to discover what being a couple could be for them, made them act in different ways with each other. Maybe it was because it was them, that they could act freely around each other and don't feel awkward about it.

Jack found himself saying that he loved her way more often than he did with any other women he had dated. He loved grasping her hand and kissing her, even if they were in public. He never liked that before.

Sam found she could be extremely clingy. She would find his hand or embrace him at every chance she got. Not a fan of public displays of affection before, she surprised herself by initiating several kisses, not caring about anything except feeling him close.

When they finally touched San Diego's floor, Jack's hand rested on the small of her back all the way off the plane, and until they reached the rental company.

"So, to your brother's?" he asked as he sat behind the wheel.

"No. I booked a room. I thought it would be better if we had some privacy." He wriggled his eyebrows playfully.

"I can deal with some privacy." She sucked her lower lip.

"Oh, I hoped you would."

When they finally arrived at the hotel, Jack was already worked up. Sam had spent the whole trip, placing kisses on his jaw, neck, or ear. There wasn't much he could do to stop her. Not that he wanted to. Her choice of clothes for the flight made it impossible for him to do what he wanted. So, he had resorted to placing his hand on her tight and pressing it when she worked him up too much.

The moment the receptionist gave him the key to the room. He tugged Sam's hand and walked them briskly to the elevator. He tapped his feet on the floor. Avoiding at all costs glancing at the knowing look and mischievous smile she had plastered on her face.

The elevator's doors opened. They entered the small space, he pressed their floor. As soon as the doors were closed behind them, he had her pinned against one wall. His lips claiming hers and his hands searching her body.

The elevator chimed, and doors opened. They were both in a hazy state. Jack wondered how he had managed not to undress her right there. Shaking himself, he shouldered both bags and sauntered the halls looking for their room.

He opened the door, entered, and dropped the bags unceremoniously on the floor. As she entered the room, closing the door behind them, he stalked towards her. Making her take some steps back until her back collided with the door and there was no other place to go. His mouth fell on hers, and his hands pinned hers over the top of her head.

Securing both hands with one. Jack used his now free hand to move her blouse out of the way. Scrunching it up above her breast. Then he freed them, with a growl, before he tasted her skin.

"What is it with you and, oh, doors?" she managed to pant out, and he raised his head to watch her.

"Are you complaining?" he rasped against her neck, a moan leaving her mouth.

"Not at all."

"Good."

He continued assaulting her senses, seeking revenge for how she had tempted him. Until there was no way he could keep her hands in place and get rid of the jeans, she was wearing. With a defeated whimper, he kissed her, freeing her hands.

Sam's hands immediately brought him closer. They walked awkwardly inside the room, not leaving each other's lips. On their way to the bed, they tripped over Jack's duffel back. He landed on the floor, and she toppled over him. Straddling him, her pupils dilated with desire. He left out a groan when she undulated her hips on top of his.

He couldn't care the less how stupid it could be having sex on the floor. Being straddled by her while there was a comfortable-looking bed a mere breath away. All he knew was that he wanted her and wanted her right then and there. But the stupid jeans were still on the way.

"Jeans," he growled, and she huffed. She stood up and got rid of her clothes quickly. Looking at him as he observed her from his place on the floor.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" she added before she moved to straddle him, opening his jeans so she could finish what she had started on their way to the hotel. They hissed delightfully at the contact before she started moving. She came crashing first, only allowing herself to collapse on top of him once he had screamed her name.

"God, we are just like horny teenagers all over again," she muttered with an amused tone.

"I'm not complaining," Jack panted. "You know there's a perfectly comfortable bed right there," he said stretching his arm and touching the end of it.

"Well, you weren't exactly rushing to stand up."

"There's that too… help me up?" she stood up reluctantly and helped him stand up. When he finally untangled himself from his clothes. He turned around to watch a very naked Sam looking at him challengingly.

"I think we both need a shower and some sleep," she grinned. "And we both know how much we love saving water."

Later that morning, as they both had collapsed on the bed when his phone rang. Rushing to answer it so it wouldn't wake her, Jack stood up and walked out to the balcony.

"O'Neill."

_"I've seen you managed to take her to San Diego already. We told you we needed eyes on her 24/7 until the delivery date, Colonel. Yet, we only see one booked room."_

"You've said 24/7, how on Earth would I watch her if we didn't ask for a double?" he hissed. "Fuck this, stop trying to control me, or her. She is going to be there willingly. Let her have her last few days in whenever way she wants to spend them."

_"Fair enough, Colonel. I don't need to remind you what's at stake if she isn't there on Wednesday."_

"No." Jack ended the call before the caller could make him angrier than he already felt. Taking a deep breath, he turned to find her peacefully sleeping, unaware of the call that had annoyed him.

He was angry at the situation. Pissed off that this sweet surrender of theirs could only happen because it was the last thing she would do as herself. He was beyond infuriated that this thing they had was so perfect. Yet, it would be forever marred, by the fact that it was the last thing she did.

Unaware of the thoughts running through his head, Sam stirred on the bed and felt it cold. She turned over only to find him with his eyes focused seemingly on her but without seeing her. She knew because she had moved, and he hadn't followed her movements.

"I can hear you think, Jack. Overthinking is my thing, not yours." She said loud enough to shake him from his state.

"Huh?"

"Stop thinking," she grinned, sitting on the bed.

"I think that's my line."

"Well, you aren't using it," Sam shrugged. "So, are you going to stop, or should I make you?" she smiled mischievously.

"God, if I knew you were like this, I would've retired ages ago," he muttered walking close to her, placing a kiss on her lips.

"You wouldn't and I wouldn't let you," she pointed. "What time is it?"

"A little after noon." He shrugged. Sam sighed.

"We should get dressed and find a place to eat," she stood up and walked towards her duffel bag. That still laid on the floor where Jack had left it. "What were you doing out there, anyway?"

"Nothing," he answered a bit too fast. She frowned, turning around to observe him.

"Jack. We might have been in an intimate relationship only for a few days, but I've known you long enough to know when you are lying."

"I'm not lying, I swear. I simply don't think it is worthy of your worry."

"Okay, I'll drop it for the time being." She grinned, but when he made a move to get his clothes, she grabbed his hand and stopped him. "If there's something wrong, you would tell me, right?"

"Sam…"

"Jack, things are screwed up with my future as we already know. Whatever it's eating you, shouldn't bother me. If for some reason they changed their mind, and we are supposed to return to the SGC. Then we'll see how to deal with this new development in our relationship. Either case, let's work it out together while we still can." She searched his eyes, making him sigh.

"Someone called, to let me know, they know we're here. They thought I was staying here alone, and you were staying with your brother or something like that. I really don't want to dwell in what means that they know."

"I guess it's only more bullets to get me where they want me on time," Sam shrugged. "I mean unless I don't show up. What good would it do to them to publish this 'affair'?" He nodded.

"Yeah, I guess you are right. Let me get dressed and we can go for food. When do you want to visit your brother?"

"I'll call him after lunch, to see if he wants me there tonight or if he will push it for tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan," he said, his words a bit muffled by the t-shirt he was putting on.

Once out of the hotel they walked around, searching for a place to eat. Deciding for a small coffee shop that smelled heavenly. By the time they had finished, Sam decided it was a good time as any to call her brother. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the digits of his cellphone number and waited.

"Hey, I'm in San Diego. Yes, for real." Jack could only listen to her side of the conversation. But by the way she squared her shoulders and her muscles tightened, he knew it wasn't good.

"No, I'm not doing it on purpose. Look, I'll be here until Monday afternoon. If you want to see me, you know my number. I don't know when I'll have a chance to visit or see you after this." Sam said that, knowing it would be at least years before she would get to see him if she was lucky. She felt Jack's eyes on her, but she couldn't deal with the weight of his knowing eyes. She kept her eyes focused on the empty plate in front of her.

"Yeah, maybe lunch or dinner? Yes, that'd be great, let me know. Say hi to your wife and kids."

"Bad timing?"

"Seems so," she sighed. "He has a party tonight. They were going somewhere tomorrow," she grimaced.

"We could join them…" Jack offered.

"Yeah, that's what Mark said too. My sister-in-law doesn't like me very much. We both know it. So he was going to check it with her. I'm sure she'll either agree with lunch or dinner over having me around for a family outing." His hand found hers, giving it a light squeeze.

"I'm sorry." She huffed.

"Don't be. I guess this time. It'd be his fault, not mine. Knowing him, I'm sure I'll be the one to blame. For being reckless or for joining the 'god damned air force,'" she grimaced. "Was your family so weirded out when you chose to join?"

"No. It surprised them. I was kinda the black sheep. They thought I wouldn't have a future in the military. My mom said she knew I would end up killed in that 'damned war.' My dad said I'd better list no one as next of kin because he wouldn't stand it. If I returned dead, and it killed my mom."

"I… geez, I never thought…"

"Don't worry; it happened a while ago. We all got over it."

"I… God, am I so selfish that I never asked about your family?" He grinned.

"I never said anything about them. I suppose y'all thought I didn't have one anymore. Age difference and all."

"So, you have a family?"

"Gee! Don't be so surprised. Yeah, my parents are younger than one would expect too. My sister was born when they were only fifteen, and I followed two years later."

"Whoa, you have a sister?"

"Three of them actually, and four brothers. You know, there's a stereotype for Irish families getting quite big."

"I never thought about it. Jesus, Jack, do I know you at all?" She wondered.

"Better than anyone I know."

"So, Daniel doesn't know about this huge family of yours?"

"No. It never came up."

"I can't believe we never asked," she huffed. "Do you get along with them? Do you see them often? God, do you have nephews and nieces?"

"Yes, to all. I visit them whenever I go to the cabin. Most of them remained around the area."

"The cabin…," Sam said in shock.

"What about the cabin?"

"I just noticed that I'd never get to see it. Stupid me for never accepting your fishing invitation," she huffed.

"There's still time."


	7. Chapter 7

**Saturday, March 10, 2001**

They were stuck in San Diego until Monday afternoon since that was what Sam had told Mark. Jack could think of a lengthy list of the worst places to be stuck at. His memory provided him with several Goa'uld prisons and some other off-world hellholes they had experienced. All of them survivable because the beautiful woman walking beside him had been there along with him.

"You are doing it again," she admonished playfully. Watching him from the reflection of the store, they stopped to check.

"What?"

"Overthinking, where was your head right then?"

"On a list of the worst places to be stuck with you," he grinned, placing a kiss on her temple. She rolled her eyes.

"You are such a romantic."

"I bet you wouldn't be against it. If we went inside, and I got that ring you are looking at," he grinned.

"You wouldn't…"

"Try me."

"But, Jack…"

"Oh, come on, Sam! Live a little," he chuckled, grabbed her hand, and walked them inside the jewelry store. "Hello, ma'am," he started and read her tag name before he continued. "Can we see those rings over there, Clara?" He smiled charmingly to the store clerk, who almost swooned, looking into his eyes.

"Yes, of course," she said and walked to the pointed exhibitor that Jack had pointed.

"Jack, those are engagement rings," she whispered, blushing furiously.

"I know." Jack grinned at her.

"Which one caught your attention, sir, madam?" the clerk asked, taking the ring tray to the table to show it to them. Jack's smile widened. He knew exactly which one had caught Sam's attention and precisely why.

"Go on, try it. Worst-case scenario, it doesn't fit, and we'll have to see if they can it sized for you in quickly."

"Seriously?" She asked, biting her lower lip. He raised his eyebrows. With a sigh, she pointed to a ring.

"Really?" the clerk asked, surprised.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing. It's been here for years," Clara said, looking around. "The owner wanted to sell it or dismount it for the past two years since no one ever showed an interest in it. His wife said it's only waiting for the perfect woman." Clara grinned. "I suppose it's the combination of stones that's not appealing. Most people just want a big rock."

"May I…?"

"Sure, go ahead. It's an 8x6mm oval cut sapphire. The ring was crafted by one of the most gifted jewelers on the West Coast. It's one of a kind. These nine rubies have a mill grain edge and are set in the prongs that keep the sapphire in place. Around those, there are nine diamonds on a halo, also with a mill grain edge. My favorites features of this ring are that's not too bulky and the remarkable mill grain edge scalloped diamond band." She finished. Sam looked at it in awe before Jack took it.

Jack had zoned out mid-explanation. The only thing he knew was it looked like a mini-Stargate complete with an engaged wormhole. The band was beautiful, and it only helped to the charm of the ring.

"May I?" Jack asked, taking her hand. Unable to speak, Sam nodded, and he slid the ring on her finger. She gulped. "A perfect match," his eyes twinkled. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. It was so loud that she almost missed the "We'll take it," that came out of Jack's mouth. Even though he hadn't taken his eyes off her.

"Jack… you shouldn't… I shouldn't…. We…." He crooked his head. His hand found her cheek, and she sighed at the calming touch.

"We shouldn't; I shouldn't, you shouldn't, but we are. I'm getting it for you, Sam. It'll belong to the perfect owner and will remind you of special times. It doesn't matter how much we, you, I shouldn't." He turned around to watch Clara, who was observing them with curiosity. "We'll take it."

"If you give me the ring back, I can process the purchase for you, sir. Plus, find it a nice box to go with it." He passed the ring to Clara before he turned to Sam.

"Holy Hannah, Jack. Are you sure?" She asked in a whisper.

"Do you believe in fate?" He wondered out of the blue.

"I, what?"

"Fate, destiny, kismet, the red line…" Jack offered, and Sam shook her head, confused. "I wasn't sure I believe it in it. Not until I met you, not until you saved me. So, how should I not get it? When it was totally up to fate, that we ended up stopping outside this store. Out of all the other stores we've seen in the past three hours?"

"I don't know?"

"Then, let's pretend we both believe in fate. That somehow this ring we're getting will mean something more. Maybe, it means that someday, we'll be free to just be us."

"Okay," she nodded, blushing under the power of his gaze.

"Sir," Clara said, clearing her throat. "Can you come over here for the payment?"

Sam noticed the weird looks the woman was giving them. She relived the entire conversation they had. She blushed, seeing the woman must be thinking she was the other woman in Jack's life or maybe Jack, the other man in hers. Usually, Sam wouldn't care less what the other woman thought of her, but the way she was looking at Jack now, that had her fuming. So, she had stalked towards Jack and kissed him.

"What was that for?" He asked, surprised. "Not that I'm complaining."

"When I get back from this mission I'm assigned to, you better make an honest woman of me, Colonel." Jack grinned.

"Aye, aye, ma'am." He said, saluting her. "Although, if I recall this rank thing correctly… I'm the one that's supposed to give orders around, Major."

"Too bad, sir." Sam beamed at him. The face of the clerk fell as they talked. "I'm just glad we could both get some leave before it happens." She added. Before Jack thanked the woman, and they walked away.

"Okay, what was that for?" Jack asked as they got a couple of stores between them and the jewelry.

"She was looking at us, as if we had some dirty affair," she huffed.

"And aren't we?" He wriggled his eyebrows playfully. She punched his arm.

"Don't downplay this, Jack." She pleaded.

"Never. I wouldn't have bought this. If I didn't want more than we can have, Sam."

"I…" her phone went off then, and she frowned. Grabbing it, she noticed it was Mark. "Carter. Oh, really? Are you sure she is okay with it? Okay." By then, Jack saw her eyebrows were about to reach her hairline in surprise. "Yeah, we'll see you there then. Yes, I've said we. Byeeee, Mark."

"We are going to their family day thing?" Jack concluded by surprise on her face.

"It seems we are."

"Cool. So how old are Mark's kids?" She squinted at him.

"Okay, I will only let you change the subject because I love you so much," she said before she could stop herself. Her eyes widened, and she stopped dead in her tracks. Her hands rushed to cover her mouth. Jack gave her a slight smile.

"It's okay, Sam. I know you love me. I've known it since forever."

"Jack, I…"

"No, don't apologize for feeling Sam." He caressed her cheek. "I know I did that enough for both of us. When I was trying to convince me than loving you was all sorts of wrong. Just know that I love you. That I don't need you to utter those words, to know I'm the luckiest man alive because I'm the one you love." He stopped then, "Huh, I didn't need the words, but they sure as hell feel nice." He grinned.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I knew you would say them when you felt it was right. Listen, I'm not sure why you weren't saying them, so if you feel like explaining, I'm all ears. If you don't, well, let's keep it like that. What I do know is that we need to get you a nice dress and me a suit so I can do this properly," Jack added, raising the jewelry bag he had.

"Jack, we really shouldn't. What good will that do?"

"When the day comes that we have to part ways, it will mean so much more…. Trust me."

"I do."

"Then, let's get some fancy clothes. Give me a chance to do this. Even if we won't be able to get married. Until… well, you know, your great comeback and all."

"You're crazy."

"Yep, and you love me." He grinned as they started walking again.

"I do… very much." She added, and she could've sworn there was an extra spring in his step.

Even though both disliked going on a shopping spree. They ended up going to two different stores. Inside the first one, Jack had stood to the side. While Sam got lost inside the store. He chuckled amusedly when he saw the panic in her eyes, as two clerks poured over her. Spouting too much information about dresses and colors that would go with her complexion and skin tone. He knew she was being polite, but he also knew her patience would have a limit.

"I'll wait outside, yell if you need me." He said as they dragged her to the changing rooms. The moment he stepped outside the store, his phone went off. "O'Neill," he answered.

_"I believe I made myself clear when I told you we wanted you 24/7 over her. You aren't watching, Colonel. We know now, there's more we can add to the threat. Was the ring as lovely as our dear Major?"_

Jack growled. He felt utterly betrayed. At the same time, he knew he couldn't do much more than follow their orders. Or risk her ending up in prison for life.

"I'm watching her. We will spend the day with her family tomorrow," he said as he scanned the area. There was no one close to the store, or an angle where he would be seen but not her. He entered the store again and scanned the ceiling.

Jack spotted a camera inside that was pointed towards him. He pinned the camera with his glare before he continued in a hiss, "don't follow us!"

_"Ah, I see you found our eyes," he chuckled. "It's not the only one. As a sign of trust, we won't follow you while you are in San Diego. That doesn't mean we won't know where you are or if you are trying to run away."_

Jack huffed, ending the call before more could be said. He hoped they were true to their words. Making a mental note of checking the room for cameras when they returned.

"What's going on?" Sam asked as she joined him. "I've got what I need if you want to walk it off."

"That would be great." They walked away, Sam linking their hands. "Give me those bags. I'll carry them."

"Oh, and people believe chivalry is dead," she grinned. "I can take them, besides, you need to get what you'll be wearing. I'm sure it'll better if I hold into the bags. While they harass you into new clothes."

"There's that too."

"So, what did they say this time?" She asked, noticing how tense he was. He sighed.

"I guess they are only making sure we know we are being watched. You know, to create enough fear to keep us from doing something stupid."

"Well, they certainly know the 'doing something stupid' part of your reputation," she joked.

"Ha. Ha." He chose not to mention the added menace. "So, what you got? Some scantily uber-sexy red dress? Maybe a black garter belt with silk socks?"

"They are called stockings, and you'll need to wait and see."

"You know, for all I care. You could wear a hotel robe and it'll be perfect for me."

"Charmer. Off you go! I find you hot enough in robes, or less. Though I believe you'd be irresistible sexy in a suit."

"And that's a way to convince a guy to get into a suit, ladies, and gents," he joked and pecked her lips. Then asked some help to get what he needed. Once he was done, they continued walking around.

"Wait," Sam said as she spotted a different store. He frowned in confusion, but she grabbed his hand and dragged him inside. As Sam got some things she needed. Jack simply stood by her side as she asked for things he wasn't certain he knew what they were for.

Once they were back at the hotel, she dropped her purchases on the empty bed they weren't using. They had asked for a double to leave fewer trails. The goons watching them wouldn't know for sure if they used both beds or not. But at least it would look better if it all ended up in a court-martial.

As she sat on the bed, Jack noticed Sam had the doohickey look on her face. So, he gave her space. Jack walked down to the hotel bar and got them some coffee. By the time he had returned, the several scattered things were looking more like two different pieces. She had a proud smile on her face.

"Should I even ask?" Jack wondered, placing the coffee under her nose.

"Coffee… my savior!" She grinned, took a sip. Then, surprising him, she brought his head down and kissed him. She chuckled at the expression he had once she broke the kiss.

"I thought about what you said, I guess they are following us either through cameras or by locating your phone. So I made a jammer. In case they got this room covered while we were out. I guess we can leave your phone behind for the night."

"You are a genius."

"I know," she grinned. "That thing, tomorrow we will be mostly in the open. So we won't know for sure we aren't being listened to."

"Well, who cares, Sam? Even if it's more to pile my career under. They are taking you away from me. There's nothing worse than that."

Sam stood up then, moving close to him. She kissed him. She lowered her coffee on the bedside table, before doing the same with his. Once their hands were free, she pushed him down on the empty bed and chuckled.

"Horny teenagers have nothing on us, sir," she grinned. He rolled her over and kissed her back.

"Nothing at all, Major." He whispered. Everything else forgotten for a while.


	8. Chapter 8

**Saturday, March 10, 2001**

Jack took over the bathroom first, as per Sam's orders. So, he was now waiting at the bar for her to join him. While nursing a bottle of his favorite beer.

He could tell exactly the moment she entered the room. The previously boisterous place went almost deathly silent. The bartender froze in place, looking at the entrance door, and Jack could see his dilated pupils.

Jack smiled proudly because her eyes were burning into his back. He knew he was going to turn around to find the most beautiful woman on Earth stalking towards him. He was right.

He had seen Samantha Carter dressed up so few times that it always took his breath away. She was beautiful without a hint of makeup and covered with mud. Gorgeous in her bulky BDUs, and breathtaking in her blues… he loved her in whatever civvies she chose to use… but this look was a winner.

Her dress was of an electric blue, he hadn't ever seen her wearing. It hugged every curve of her body. There was a black lace-ish thing covering her arms and the top part of her chest. While the skirt flew down only to her mid tight. Jack gulped when he noticed that her creamy skin was covered by what looked like silk stockings and ended up on black stilettos. He wasn't sure when she picked those up.

Jack slid out of his chair. He placed some bills on the bar to cover his drink as she neared him.

"Hey," she smiled, biting her lower lip, feeling a bit self-conscious under his gaze. She never even noticed the several disappointed sighs around them as the single men in the room saw she was pretty much taken.

"Ready to go?" He asked as her hand reached his chest. He placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Yes. Where are we going?"

"I'm not sure. I asked the guy at the reception desk to get us some reservations somewhere nice. Along with a way to get there."

"Oh. It's always an adventure with you, isn't it?" she winked. They walked to the front desk and waited until their ride arrived.

"To Mister A's, huh? That's a real classy place." The driver told them as Jack waited for Sam to slide in to close her door. Sam chuckled. "Well, you look like you belong there, ma'am. No offense there, sir." He added as Jack took his seat on the other side of the car. "So, the first time in San Diego?"

"Not really," Sam smiled. "But never been to Mister A's before."

"No, shit! I've heard it's gorgeous! A top-notch place, romantic, and it has a view to die for."

"Really?" Sam asked, amused as she felt Jack shuffling awkwardly in his seat.

"Yup, so how long have you two been together? You have that couple-y vibe."

"We have known each other for a long while," Jack said.

"I bet it was love at first sight," the driver said, looking at them from the rear mirror. "I mean, you both look right out of a movie. Or something."

"Yeah, it was," Sam smiled.

They thanked their lucky stars the ride to the restaurant was a short one. The driver was friendly and reminded them a bit too much of Daniel going over archeological findings off-world. Jack knew when Sam made that connection because she fell awfully quiet. There was a sad vibe coming out of her.

Jack took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze just when the driver announced they reached their destination.

"Are you okay?" He asked once they were on the elevator taking them up to the famed restaurant.

"He reminded me a bit too much of Daniel. God, I'm going to miss him a lot."

"Come here," Jack said as he engulfed her in an embrace. Only letting her go when the ding of the elevator signaled they were on their floor.

The dinner was lovely. They avoided the issue of her future at all costs and took their time to learn things they didn't know about each other. Sam even managed to learn more about Jack's family.

"They would love you if they knew you," He whispered. Sam blushed, but her eyes saddened again.

"Yet another thing I'll never get to do," she whispered. A sad smile marred her face.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay. I just hope it could've been true."

Once they were done, they took the elevator out.

"Hey, watcha say about a walk?" Jack asked, "I thought I saw a park towards that side."

"Well, I'm not exactly wearing walking shoes, but if we keep ourselves on the paths, we should be good."

They walked down to the park and found a path that Sam could walk, without having to dig her heels out of it with every step. Jack offered her his arm, and she took it. Her head fell on the crook of his neck.

The night was coolish but not cold, yet soon, the light shawl she had wasn't quite enough. Goosebumps ran rampant over her skin, and she shivered a little. Jack stopped their walk. Took his jacket off, placing it over her shoulders.

They were alone on that path. The sky was covered with stars, and the moon was shining through, giving her an ethereal glow. Without even thinking about it, Jack kneeled in front of her.

"We shouldn't; I shouldn't; you shouldn't," Jack said, remembering her words from earlier, and smiled. "But I couldn't care less. So, Samantha Carter, will you marry me?"

Sam nodded, tears falling freely from her eyes. "Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes."

Tears that Jack only noticed when they shone under the moonlight. "Help me up?" he asked a bit embarrassed, and she chuckled at his predicament. She offered him her hands before pulling him up.

He took a step closer to her, surprising her. His hand found a way inside the jacket he had placed on her shoulders. She kissed him. When they broke for air, she noticed he had the velvet box. The one they had gotten from the jeweler earlier and some more tears fell.

"I love you, Jack. So much…" she gasped as he slid the ring on her finger. "God, I know this is going to hurt us both so bad…"

"Shh… we have years of wondering ahead of us, Sam. Let's have these days for ourselves, for strength."

"Okay," she nodded. "We should get back to the hotel. Tomorrow we have an early day…"

"Oh," Jack said, a bit taken aback by her reaction.

"And I want to celebrate us being engaged… several times." She grinned, wriggling her eyebrows mischievously.

"I knew there was a reason why I love the way you think," he said. But before they started walking again, he kissed her senseless again.

The way back to the hotel wasn't fast enough for either of them. If they weren't so proper, the cab driver would've witnessed so much more than the few barely there kisses and touches they were sharing. But it all added to the experience. Charging them with desire and an urgency to become one greater than they ever thought possible.

They surprised each other in the room, too. As they took it as slow as they could. Jack got out of his tie, while Sam took the time to hang his jacket on a hanger. He lost his shoes and padded silently to where she was. She looked at him from over her shoulders, her eyes almost black with desire.

She suckled her lower lip as the cold tips of his finger touched the sensitive skin of her back—opening in painfully slow motion, the zipper of her dress. The skin-tight fabric was kept in place by the lace on the arms. He took his time sliding the fabric, one killing inch at the time.

Not losing eye contact, he turned her to face him. While he peeled the sleeves of her dress from her skin. Sam tugged his shirt out of his pants. Once her arms were free, she unbuttoned his shirt. In the same slow, tempting pace, she slid her hands up to his shoulders and divested him from the fabric.

Shirtless, Jack took his time to caress the naked skin of her abdomen before he slid his hands under the dress that was still hanging from her hips. She moaned as his raspy hands grabbed her ass a bit too roughly. Before her dress finally pooled on the floor.

Jack took a step back to observe his handy work and groaned.

She wasn't kidding when he mentioned the stockings. The gather belt was comfortably placed on her hips and kept the silk stockings right in place.

"How didn't I see them?" he whispered. Sam chuckled.

"They were a bit above the hem of the dress," her eyes twinkled happily. "I take you like what you're seeing, Colonel?" He pulled her close.

"That isn't my sidearm, Major." He groaned, and she moaned. She took his belt away. Letting it slide to the floor next to her dress, before she linked their hands and walked him to the bed.

They took their time, they caressed, kissed, nipped, and licked every inch of skin available. Until they had memorized every scar and mole in each other's bodies. They sat in bed with their legs wrapped around each other and didn't lose their eyes connection. With a slow movement, he slid in her. Continued moving a soulful search until they climaxed almost at once. Her head dropped on his shoulders and his on hers as they panted, trying to get their breathing back in control.

"Whoa, that was…"

"Tantric?" she offered, and they chuckled.

"Yeah. God, I love you, Sam. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

"I don't know who I'll be without you, Jack," she whispered. But before they could end up in the same saddened mood that seemed to take over anything they did. Sam moved away and made herself comfortable on the bed. "You need help?" she asked, patting his knees.

"No, I just need a minute so they know there's a blood flow again," he chuckled. She sat quickly and touched his knees softly with the tips of her fingers.

"Hurry up knees, I'm getting cold, and I miss him already." She whispered, watching him. He chuckled, and despite the burning feeling on his knees, he moved around to cuddle up with her.

"All better now?"

"Perfect."

A couple of mumbled I love you's were exchanged before sleep took over them. The next morning, Sam could've sworn she had never felt so pained in her life. It was a sweet pain, but pain nonetheless. She stretched, feeling all her muscles complaining about her actions. Behind her, Jack complained too.

"It's too early," he whispered against her skin.

"It's not. We should get some breakfast, and then get ready to visit my brother," she said, but instead of getting out of bed, she nestled closer to Jack.

"Hmm, you are so comfy, and smell so good." He mumbled. "But you are right. We should get moving."

"I'm not sure I can." She confessed.

"It's just your brother, Sam." He said.

"No, I mean… I'm not sure I can stand up. God, we always exercised a lot, but I swear I don't remember being this sore."

"At least is the good sore," he grinned. He stretched then and groaned. "Oh, yeah… not kids anymore." She laughed but managed to stand up.

"If you don't hurry, I'll use all the hot water," she warned as she padded to the bathroom. A few minutes later, Jack joined her.

"You know, hotels usually don't run out of hot water." He pointed out as he stepped behind her in the shower.

"Hey, it got you in here, didn't it?"

Two hours later, they were parking a rental in a spot at the place where they were seeing her brother. Jack noticed she kept clenching her jaw and rubbing her arms nervously.

"Sam, it'll be all right." He offered, searching her eyes.

"Will it? I mean, I'm going to have to act like everything is okay. Like I'm just visiting and I'm going to visit them sometime soon after, but I know I won't. I get it. We don't have a great relationship and all, but it's my brother, and I love him. How do I manage not to break?"

"You don't, Sam. You keep it together while you can and when you can't… I'll be there to hold you."

"Until you aren't there either," she whispered, a tear fell down her cheek, and Jack gulped. There was nothing he could say to that. It was nothing but the truth.

"Until then, I'll keep your pieces together. After that, I'll wait until I can help you glue your life back together."

"I can't ask that of you, Jack," she said, caressing his cheek.

"You aren't. I'm offering." Jack said. Sam opened her mouth to speak, but from a car parked a couple of spots away from them, she heard the voice of her brother. She took a deep breath.

"Here we go."


	9. Chapter 9

**Sunday, March 11, 2001**

Sam only releases the breath she was holding once Mark and his family go past them without having spotted them.

"Tell me something. What makes you more nervous? All that you said before about being unable to say goodbye, or knowing that you'll need to introduce me?"

"You… what?" She frowned, confused by her answer.

"Why are you afraid of introducing me?" he chuckled. "It's not like I will be meeting your dad."

"I don't know," she huffed. Fiddling with her hands for a second or two until Jack grabs one. Bringing it to his lips.

"Okay… what makes you nervous about it?"

"Mark…" she takes a breath. "He hates anything related to the USAF. His wife also hates me… and the kids. Well, I'm not sure they even remember me anymore."

"Here come I. Adding to a whole lot of things about you, they don't know?" He tried.

"I guess so."

"Don't worry, Sam. We can do this together. We can win some Carter's back."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Ready to face them?"

"No," she sighed. "But, let's go."

The place they had agreed to was La Jolla's cove. It wasn't cold for the weather they were used to, after living for so long in Colorado. They hadn't even considered getting swimsuits or wetsuits for their trip. Until they reached the family.

Jack spotted the family. When Sam stopped beside him and frowned. That Mark's wife didn't like Sam was obvious from afar. The woman was throwing daggers towards her. As they approached, the strained feelings were a bit overwhelming.

"Mark, Linda," Sam said as a greeting. "This is Jack. Jack, this is my brother Mark and my sister-in-law, Linda."

"Hey, nice to meet you. Your dad spoke tons about you. He also mentioned some lovely kids?" Jack said. Three pairs of frowning faces turned towards him. "Ah, I know your dad from work?"

"Really. USAF?" Mark deadpanned.

"Mark, please…"

"Yeah, okay. Whatever… so, what is a Jack?" Mark asked jokingly.

"I'm sure Mark didn't mention a Jack before…." Linda added in an icy tone.

"I'm her fiancé," Jack said. Taking over, bringing Sam into a close embrace. "It's recent, I'm sorry, honey. I know you get embarrassed when I say it, but I'm the luckiest man alive."

"Oh? I thought you'd be a spinster," Linda added snidely. "I guess congratulations are in order."

Jack wanted nothing more than to punch Linda. She was extremely rude. From what he could see, she knew nothing about Sam or her struggles about having a family.

"Congrats, Sam! Hopefully, this isn't another mistake," Mark added under his breath.

Jack was fuming but kept it together. It seemed it didn't affect Sam. Her cold exterior could compete and win against his special ops training; on keeping it neutral. However, the moment she glanced at him, he knew she was in pain.

"Where are the kids?" Sam asked.

"They are getting their wetsuits on. We're here because they wanted to do some snorkeling. Did you bring some suits?"

"Ah, no. Isn't it a bit cool to do that?"

"Nah, not with wetsuits anyway," Mark shrugged. "Look, you can head up that way. There are a couple of open stores, where you can get some wetsuits, or a bathing suit. It has to be enough for you guys since you are used to colder weather."

"Thanks, we'll be back soon," Jack said. Grabbing Sam's hand, he pulled her away. "Now, I get it." He said as they reached the car. "That woman is awful, and your brother's an idiot."

"Jack…" Sam warned.

"I know. It's still your brother, and you still love him. But really, Sam? He couldn't have kept that comment to himself? For crying out loud."

"It's Mark, Jack. He's unable to keep any comments to himself," she sighed. "Just don't let it bother you, okay?"

"What do you mean?" Jack frowned. Turning the engine on and driving towards the place, Mark had pointed out.

"Well, when dad started getting closer to Mark. He figured something out. Well, Selmak did actually… Mark isn't fully aware of what he's saying. After considering, for a time, I think Selmak's right. He's somewhere on the autistic range."

"Oh… that would explain a lot. It doesn't explain his wife, though."

"Well, I might be just justifying her actions. I think she believes we weren't supportive of him. If it's the case, she's right. I went away as soon as I could. Dad was never around. We kinda abandoned him," she sighed. Jack took her hand then, as he parked in front of a store.

"You're here now, Sam. We're here now. Dad already solved or will have his chance at solving this later on with him. You are here now. You don't have a lot of time to fix your family. At least you can go, knowing he knows you love him."

"I guess."

"Come, let's go get us some wetsuits. Then, we'll see how we can fix your family, in the short time we have."

Jack wasn't kidding when he said those words. Two hours later they were the super-cool auntie and uncle. As their knowledge and training were deemed as awesome by the two kids. Jack saw Mark's smile and nudged Sam towards her brother.

"I'll be here if you need me," he whispered. She took a deep breath.

"Mark? Can we talk?" He looked at her. "The kids…."

"Jack's looking out for them. He is amazing with kids. Linda?"

"She went to buy something to drink. She should be here soon." Sam sat on the bench next to Mark. They watched the kids and Jack play around.

"Mark, I want to apologize," Sam said a few moments later, after taking a deep breath. "I'm not here nearly enough. I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry, I was mourning too. I was hurt, and I took it out on you. I love you, though. You know that, right?"

"I love you too, Sam. I'm sorry I was a bad brother for you."

"I guess we were a very screwed up family. Mom must have been the one thing that kept us together," Sam shrugged.

"Yeah, you remind me of her." He said. Sam's eyes filled with tears. "Don't cry. She was smart and caring. I think you're smart and caring. Sadly, we don't see you enough. We should see more of you."

"I would like that, Mark," she sniffled. Knowing fully well she wouldn't be able to.

"Then come around more often," Linda said behind them. Sam took a deep breath.

"I thought you didn't like me."

"I don't. I simply don't know you. In all the years I've been married to your brother. I've seen you for a whole week. If we add the amount of time you've spent with us. Once you're gone. I'm the one picking up the pieces. So, if you want us to treat you better. You should start by treating us better. Family is supposed to be there for you, not to disappear and be unreachable."

"I know," Sam gulped. "Believe it or not, he is teaching me that." She said, nodding towards Jack.

After that conversation, the tension in the air dissipated. It was late at night when they had exchanged heartfelt embraces. Sam promised to visit again as soon as she could. They watched them pile into their car in silence. The moment the car wasn't visible anymore, Sam turned around and cried on Jack's shoulder.

"I should've done this a long time ago…" she mumbled as he rubbed her back.

"You did it, Sam. That's what counts."

"Does it?" she asked, her voice was broken with tears. "I just promised I'll be here as soon as I can when I know it'll be years before it happens." Jack caressed her face.

"Months or years later, you will hold to that promise, Sam. I know you'll be here as soon as you can. As soon as you can get back the life they are stealing from you." Sam gulped.

"This is so unfair, Jack. Why I can only fix my life when I'm about to lose it?"

"I don't know, Sam. I wish I knew. I wish I could spare you all this pain you're feeling, but I can't."

They drove back to the hotel in silence. His hand found hers and didn't let go. Until she pulled away, not before nudging him towards the bathroom, the moment they arrived. Taking a deep breath, he followed. He knew she might want some space. He also knew she would have plenty of space to deal with things on her own in two days from now.

He opened the door. He stripped out of his clothes and stood up behind her under the spray of the shower. The water hid the tears that mixed with the flow. Sam turned around and clung to him. Crying over all she was going to lose. Jack couldn't keep it together either. Tears flowed out of him, because he also was losing his whole world.

Emotionally spent. They toweled themselves dry and dragged their bodies to bed. Puffy eyes, red noses, and wet hairs. They didn't talk as they made love once more. This time it wasn't about what they were gaining. It was about everything they were losing. The chance of becoming more than just a weekend fling.

They woke up early the next morning, dread still weighing heavily on their shoulders.

"We're done here," Sam mumbled, looking up.

"Anywhere else you wanna go?" He asked, taking some strands of hair out of her face. She smiled.

"Take me home," she said.

"Back to Colorado?" Jack asked, and she shook her head.

"No, Jack. Take me home."

"You are home, Sam. You are all I need," he said. Once he'd figured out, she meant the place he considered home. Not her house.

"And once I'm gone… what will you call home?"

"Let's go then, I'll show you… the drive out there's long. I need to ask some favors," Jack grinned.

They took the first flight out to Minnesota. Knowing there was not much time. He drove them to an airfield after they landed and got them a ride on a plane. That would take them to the county they needed. Sam had followed, not sure what to expect. At an absolute loss as to how they would get there without a truck. Once they landed, Jack took his cellphone out and made a call.

Ten minutes later, they walked to the house that was nearby. A truck was parked outside, and the house owners smiled at them.

"Thanks, Mrs. Cleef, it was nice to see you again," Jack said to the woman.

"Don't be a stranger, Jonathan. Samantha, you are lovely. You certainly make our Jonathan happy," the old lady said with a smile that crinkled her eyes.

"Jonathan O'Neill. What on Earth makes you ask for something like that? You usually give us more notice when you're coming up. You normally drive, not land at Cleef's Airfield." A woman said once Jack walked out of the house. "Oh… I guess it was a who, not a what." She said as she saw Sam follow behind him. The woman grinned broadly, seeing them together.

Green eyes twinkled mischievously on the fair-skinned, brown-haired woman that was lying against a red truck.

"Good grief, you poor thing! You must be freezing!" The woman said. Ushering Sam towards the trucks. "Good Lord, J…, where are your manners?" she added. Slapping the back of his head as he went past her. "The poor thing is blue! Didn't you warn her about the weather?"

Sam wasn't exactly ready to face winter. Her bag for San Diego didn't hold any of her bulkier winter jackets. Minnesota weather in March was still too cold. For how little she was wearing. The woman turned on the truck. Blasting the heater when she heard Sam's teeth clattering together. Jack threw their bags in the bed of the truck and jumped in.

"Soooo," the woman said. Wriggling her eyebrows in a way that Sam was so familiar with.

"Sam, this is Harper O'Neill. My little sister." Jack said. Sam turned so fast to look at him. That for a second, Jack thought she would break her neck.

"Sam, huh?" Carter nodded. "I bet Jack hasn't said a word about me," Harper grinned. "Don't worry. He did however say a lot about you."

"Harper!"

"What? Isn't that the truth?" She asked, feigning innocence. "I just hope. He warned you about the extent of the family. Otherwise," Harper grimaced. "You are in for a big surprise."

"Harper!"

"What? I'm not the one going at it like Duracell bunnies! Two kids, that's all I have, not like that sister of ours. She seems to pop a new kid every damn Christmas."

"Harper!" Jack added in despair once more. Sam just chuckled.

"See, nothing to worry about J. She's smiling. Besides, if she chose you, well… the rest of us should be a walk in the park."

"Remind me again, why I asked you to pick us up?" Jack muttered.

"Because I'm the least gossipy of them all," Harper grinned.

"Oh God, we are so screwed!" Jack said, rubbing his face tiredly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might not need the Kleenex for this one ConnieN. :)

**Monday, March 12, 2001**

Fifteen minutes later, the truck was parked in front of a cabin. Harper smiled.

“So, J…,” she said, turning in her seat to face him. “I asked Abby to come over and air out the house. The heater should be on. Sean was supposed to stock it up. So you can avoid getting out of your love nest.”

“Gee, thanks, Harper. Why didn’t you simply publish it in the newspaper?” Jack shook his head, amused.

“Because it’s Monday. The paper doesn’t come out until Friday.” She grinned. “Seriously, I knew they’d be here ASAP. If only to try to catch a glimpse at the reason, you were all so mysterious.” Harper grinned. “Sam… do you mind if I call you that?”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Cool. It’s nice to finally meet you. Jack, I know you might not intend to get out of this house while you are here. Probably not even out of the bedroom,” Harper joked. "But it’s Monday… whatcha say?”

“Harper!” Jack groaned, a blush running across his cheeks. “I’ll think about it.” He huffed. Getting down from the truck and grabbing the bags. Before he opened the door for Sam.

“Ah, always the gentleman,” Harper chuckled. He rolled his eyes at her and ushered Sam inside. Watching Sam rush into the house, Harper shook her head and walked down. “Jack!” she called.

“What?” he said. Walking out of the house with an annoyed expression.

“I think she might be Libby’s size. I’ll bring her at least a decent jacket. In case you…”

“Thank you,” he nodded.

“That’s what family’s for, right?” Harper said. She waved at him as she returned to the truck.

Jack shook his head, amused, and entered the house. He found Sam waiting for him right at the door as if she didn’t know where to go. She was still rubbing her hands. Trying to warm them up a little.

“So, what’s Monday?” She asked. Curious about that part of the exchange. Jack sighed.

“Monday’s family dinner. By family dinner, I mean the whole family.”

“Oh, you should go.”

“No, not when it means less time with you.”

“Then we should go. If I won’t intrude, that is.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Jack whispered. Caressing her cheek.

“You didn’t, I offered.” She bit her lower lip and took a deep breath. “Seriously, Jack. If you don’t mind me meeting them. I wouldn’t mind it at all. Besides, what’s a couple of parents and seven siblings?” She chuckled.

“Add six in-laws, and twenty-eight of their kids. Then you’re at what number?” Jack grimaced.

“Twenty-eight…” Sam’s eyes widened, “that’s four kids each… I guess it’s not that bad.”

“Except that Connor has no kids. Harper mentioned she has only two.” Jack pointed. “I told ya, my family is a walking cliché. Come on, let’s find a seat. I’ll see if I have an album around here somewhere.” He led the way to the living room. Then he walked to the other end of the house.

“Are you sure you want to go tonight?” Jack asked. As he returned later with a picture in his hands.

“Yes. Besides, you already talked about me to them.” She blushed.

“Yeah, mom wouldn’t stop annoying me to get a girlfriend. Shannon figured out why I didn’t have one.” Jack blushed.

“Shannon?” Sam frowned, remembering the little he mentioned about her. Jack sighed. He plopped beside her on the couch, showing her the picture.

“It’s not all of them here, but it’ll help you identify ‘em,” he said. As she grabbed it.

“Mom and dad, Shannon and Jonathan,” he said, pointing to the oldest couple in the picture. “They moved to the states when they were fifteen. Dad knocked mom up. They escaped here because mom’s uncle lived here in this same house.”

“I thought it was your grandparent’s cabin.”

“Well, Ronan Walsh was, for all intents and purposes, our grandpa. We called him that, and he never bothered to correct us. Since he lost his wife and children and never remarried. Shannon and I believe it was easier on him to take us on as his grandkids.” Jack shrugged. “He left Shannon some land, and I got this house.”

“So, he left your mom some land?”

“No, Shannon is my oldest sister. Since dad named her after mom. Then mom named me after him,” he rolled his eyes. “I know, very original, right?”

“It’s kinda sweet.”

“That’s only because you aren’t named Jacob,” he joked. He pointed to an oldish looking female. “That’s Shannon. She was born in Brooklyn. It took them over a year to find their way out here. I was born in this state. They settled here, with the help of our adopted grandpa. In ‘56, I was promoted to the older brother when Connor arrived,” he said. Pointing to a man in the picture she had.

“He’s a priest?”

“Yes. Four years later, or 1960, this lad joined the clan. His name is Declan. Now, don’t ask me why, but our parents seem to have planned kids’ births every even year.” Jack chuckled. “In 62, they added Sean.”

“Harper mentioned Sean.”

“Yeah, he and his wife Abby are the worst at keeping secrets. They’re good people, though.”

“So, Shannon, Connor, Declan, Sean...” she trailed off, pointing to the people in the picture. “I guess that’s Harper.”

“Yeah,” he grinned at the pregnant Harper in the image. “Finn is two years older than Harper, and Libby is two years younger than her. Libby was quite the surprise, though.”

“She looks awfully young,” Sam whispered.

“Well, that’s coz she is! Libby isn’t even thirty yet. Don’t let her looks deceive you. That’s the one Harper was talking about when she mentioned the bunnies. Libby has seven kids. We all wonder how many more she can pop out.”

“Whoa, that’s... a lot of kids.”

“That’s what I said too. She says that being the ‘Little One’, she wants her kids to have someone close in age to play with. She explained to Shannon that having her kids to play with while growing up was amazing.”

“Wait, so when you said twenty-eight kids before. I thought it would be, you know, children…”

“Their age range goes from thirty years to six months.”

“This is going to be so confusing,” she huffed.

“We could always stay in. There’s no need to go. Really.”

“Someone’s home? J! Are you dressed?!” Someone screamed from the porch.

“That’s Libby,” Jack huffed. “Harper said she was going to ask her for some clothes.” He said. Standing up and going to the door. “Come in, Libby!”

“J!” the red-haired woman said. Throwing herself to Jack’s arms. “I’ve missed you! You don’t come up here enough!”

“Libby, you look great!”

“Flatterer,” she rolled her eyes. “I still have to lose way too much baby weight. You must be Sam,” Libby said all at once, as she walked inside the cabin.

“Hi. Yes, I’m Sam.” She grinned.

“I hope he, at least, mentioned us to you,” Libby said. Pointing to the picture that Sam had placed over the coffee table.

“He spoke about you all before,” Sam grinned.

“Liar, but I like you,” Libby said, her green eyes sparkling with mischief. “I think Harper was right. I got you some of my stuff. So you don’t freeze up here, tonight. You are coming, right?” She said, turning towards Jack.

“We’ll see.”

“J… I’m not telling mom that you got this beautiful woman here, and you aren’t going to introduce her tonight.” She said in a warning tone.

“Then don’t say a thing,” Jack grinned. Unfortunately, he knew he lost her. The moment her eyes fell on Sam’s hand, caused her to gasp.

“Jonathan O’Neill! You dog! When’s the wedding?” Libby said. Grabbing Sam’s hand and inspecting the ring. “Lovely ring! I’m glad you didn’t pick a lousy rock, J!”

“Libby,” Jack said in a warning tone.

“Hey, you must come tonight… now more than ever!” She said, looking at Jack. Then she turned to Sam, puppy eyes and pouty face. “Please?”

“Sam, you don’t have to agree if you don’t want to. Libby won’t say a thing,” Jack said firmly.

“Tell you what, I’m not saying a thing if you promise to come tonight?” She grinned, pleadingly looking from one to the other. Jack took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. Considering that asking for favors had been a bad idea.

The next thing he knew was that Libby was hanging from Sam’s neck, jumping happily in place. ‘I’m sorry,’ Sam mouthed. A worried frown in place.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you!” Libby said. “Well, I gotta go. Don’t worry, I’m going to turn the heater on higher. So you only need a jacket.” She added, placing a quick kiss on Sam’s cheek before doing the same with Jack. “I know the way!” she shouted, disappearing down the hall. “Oh! Declan is going to drop his truck and the keys off. Harper warned him to leave it in the truck and not to come near the house!” Seconds later, the front door was closed. The car was speeding out away from the house.

“Are all the members of your family that energetic?” Sam asked. An amused smile still lingering on her face.

“The younger ones, yes.” He grimaced. Walking closer to her. “So, you know you agreed to a circus, right?”

“Well,” she said. Smiling charmingly at him. Her hands were linking behind his neck. “Having you there makes anything easier.”

“Charmer,” he grinned.

“So, how long do we have until tonight?” He checked his watch.

“Enough. So I can take advantage of you all over this place,” he added huskily.

By the time they arrived at the bedroom later that day. That was the only room they left unexplored. Also, it was the only one that would remain unexplored until after dinner. They had rushed inside once Jack noticed the time. Walking straight inside the bathroom. For once, Jack was glad that they both knew how to take a five minutes shower. Not even half an hour later, they were parking in front of a house.

“Are you sure?” Jack asked. Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. She nodded, closing Libby’s jacket snuggly against her body. Jack grinned, snuggly was two sizes too big. At least it was better than nothing at all. “Let’s go then.”

Hand in hand, they walked to the house. There were loud voices, laughter, and a delicious smell coming from the inside. The noise didn’t stop when Jack pressed the bell. Seconds later, the door was opened.

“J!” Harper said. Pulling him in and dragging Sam in for an embrace. “I knew you would convince him,” she whispered to Sam. A knowing smile on her face. “Well, she was around your size like two kids ago,” she shrugged. Noticing the jacket now in Sam’s hand.

“Come, let me introduce you to everyone. I know he won’t,” Harper said. Grabbing Sam’s hand and throwing the jacket to Jack. Who shook his head, not quite amused by the situation.

“Hey! Hey! Everyone! Everyone, listen up! This is Sam!” Harper shouted. When her name flew out of Harper’s lips, everyone in the room turned to look at Sam. Jack joined the room then, and all eyes fell on him.

“What?” he asked. In his typical fashion.

“It’s about damn time!” said a gray-haired, green-eyed older Jack.

“Jonathan! Don’t embarrass your son,” Shannon O’Neill said. Punching her husband’s arm and rolling her eyes. Before she walked towards Sam and grabbed her hands. “We’ve heard a lot about you, dear.”

“I…” Sam tried but felt too overwhelmed by the whole situation. Shannon O’Neill’s hands felt something on Sam’s hand and looked down.

“Oh, you’re engaged?” She turned towards her son. Hopeful brown eyes getting lost in similar ones. “Jack, when did you plan to tell us this?”

“Now?” Jack offered.

“We got engaged on Saturday…” Sam added. A worried look on her face as the room turned to watch her. The silence was still hanging over them.

“Good,” she grinned. It was Jack’s smile, and Sam felt at ease. Then the woman turned around, “Y’all better make her feel welcomed. We don’t want to scare her off before she says I do.” With those last words, the room exploded in loud chattering.

“Not that bad, huh?” Harper grinned behind her, giving Jack a nudge. “Welcome to the family.”

“I…” Sam sighed. She couldn’t say much more before she was swept away from them. Into another group. Slowly she was introduced to every member of the O’Neill house.

“I know you, Jack,” a voice told him. As he followed Sam with his gaze. He was leaning against a wall, away from all the other members of his family. “You weren’t planning on sharing that with us.”

“Shannon,” Jack said. He didn’t need to turn around to know his older sister was beside him. She, too, was following Sam with her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“I…”

“Is she pregnant? Is she dying?”

“Something like that…”

“Jack…”

“Sam’s being…” He took a deep breath, ‘being what?’ he thought. What he could possibly say to his sister without betraying what was happening. “Send away. We don’t know when she’ll come back.”

“That sucks! So, when are you two getting married then?”

“There’s no time,” Jack huffed.

“Jack… talk to me.”

“She’s supposed to be at her next post on Wednesday. There’s no time,” Jack shrugged. Shannon’s heart almost broke for her brother. “Besides, until then she’s still in the same chain of command I am.”

Jack wasn’t sure what to expect from Shannon. Certainly, the slap on the back of his head wasn’t even on his list.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“What? Why?”

“Duh, Jack…” she said, first pointing to Connor and then to herself.

“Spell it out, Shannon. Coz I have no idea what you aren’t saying.”

“It’s easy, Jack… if you two want to get married. There’s no better place to be than this. I mean, you know the town’s priest and the Mayor.”

“I’ll have to talk to her. Maybe we could ask Connor to hold a ceremony for us. I can’t ask you to issue an official wedding license, Shannon. That’s a paper trail and could blow her career up.” He said. Even knowing chances of her getting career back were slim. It was silly, he thought, that he worried about that. When it depended on the end of a war that had been going on for centuries.

“Jack… this is one of the few places where the paper trail is of actual paper. So, if they want to get that information out of here. They’ll need to send someone here. Guess what, if it isn’t you or her asking. We can tell them we don’t have it. God, Jack… you guys have two nights? Before she’s gone? Don’t waste them.”

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Then, don’t say anything to me. Go! Grab that girl. Tell her she can be your wife tonight if she wants to.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bring some kleenex... a box or two will do :P  
> Enjoy!

**Monday, March 12, 2001**

"Do you mind if I steal my fiancée out of your hands?" Jack asked as he approached the group where she had ended up. It was the part of his family that was around her same age.

"Uncle J, when you said she was gorgeous… I thought you were lying!" One of his older nephews said. That won him a slap in the back of his head.

"Hilarious, Josh," Jack shook his head. "Carter?"

"Carter?" Harper grinned. "Kinky," she added, wriggling her eyebrows. Sam blushed.

"It's a military thing, right?" Abby asked knowingly. Jack huffed and nodded Sam to walk with him.

"Yes, sir," Sam said out of custom.

"Really kinky," Abby beamed.

"Oh, hush, you perv!" He grabbed Sam's hand then and slowly pulled her out of the room. "Mom said dinner would be ready soon."

"And you had to get me out of the room to tell me that?" She chuckled. He closed the door behind him and kissed her.

"I love you, Sam. That you agreed to meet them and seem to be getting along with them… it's amazing."

"There's not much I wouldn't do for you, Jack, and you know that. Besides, they're all likable." She searched his eyes, still a bit confused by his actions. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing… actually…." He sighed. "Shannon."

"What about her?"

"Did I mention she's the Mayor?"

"Nope. Do I need to know she is?" She frowned.

"Ah… well, she offered to get us married. Tonight, if we want to... she said Connor is also on board to perform a ceremony."

"Jack! That would be… amazing! I'm not sure if it would be a great idea, though. It would give anyone ropes to hang you. Knowing you got married to your 2IC can't cause nothing but trouble."

"That's the thing," he grinned. "This town hasn't been brought to the computer age yet, so everything is still real paper."

"So, unless you take it to them, they won't know?"

"Exactly, and if they want it. They'll have to come here and ask for it. Shannon says the town likes the O'Neill's enough that if we ask, they won't give it away to anyone but you or I."

"Let's do it." Sam grinned. "Let's get married."

"Are you sure? I mean, it won't be the wedding of your dreams."

"You will be there, Jack. That's the only part of the dream I need."

There was a knock on the door. They took a step away from each other as it opened.

"Hey! Dinner's ready," Shannon said. "Have you…?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Shannon," Sam beamed. "I was sure it wouldn't happen in this lifetime."

"Ow, don't worry, child! That's the most romantic guy I know. He's been in love with you since forever! I couldn't let you go away without being a part of this family for good." Sam's eyes filled with tears. She could only nod, feeling once again overwhelmed.

"But I get to make the announcement!" Shannon grinned.

"Shannon!" Jack whined.

"After dinner! You know well enough that mom will chop our heads off if we aren't in there now!"

Shannon led the way to the dining room. The smile on her face big enough to announce to everyone that she knew something good. She shook her head and sat at her place. Jack tugged Sam's hand as he found a place for them to sit.

Then Jonathan O'Neill stood up, and the entire table when silent. "God, we thank you for the food we are about to have. Allow it never lack at our table, nor the tables of our loved ones. Thank you for allowing us to share this moment, as it was overdue. Thank you for allowing us to meet Samantha. Thank you for allowing us to see our Jack again. Him coming back to us whole and healthy. There's so much to praise, dear Lord. We are thankful for it. We simply ask you to allow us to be reunited together again soon. Amen." He finished.

"Amen!" was the loud response. Sam gulped, trying to breathe again after that prayer. Jack's hand found hers and squeezed it. Before they were swept in, back to the loud conversations that followed.

As soon as dessert was done. They were all sitting around the table, sharing tales about Jack. Shannon stood up. Complaints started the minute she pulled her chair away. They stopped when she raised her hand.

"I need to rush to the town hall for a bit. I'm sure you won't complain when I tell you why… I will also take Connor with me. You guys can figure it all out while you wait for our call."

"What is it?!" Harper shouted.

"Well, as you all know, our Jack is engaged to that lovely woman beside him."

"That's old news, mom!" Shannon's daughter shouted. She rolled her eyes.

"I know that! But Jack brought her here because they are being separated starting Wednesday." A chorus of 'what's and why's raised then. "You'll have to ask that to them. I couldn't allow them to go, being separated, and engaged when I could get them married. They have agreed. So we need to make that happen… now."

At that point, Sam learned a whole new definition of loud. Chairs were dragged away at the same time. People stood up and spoke all at once. Before she knew it, it was only her, Jack, and his parents remaining.

"We asked the girls to wait for a second," Jack's mom said. "We want to know that you both want to do this. That it's not Shannon pressuring you. So, are you really willing to get married under God's eyes and human law?"

Jack looked at Sam, and they both grinned. "Yes." Jack's mom smiled and clasped her husband's hand.

"We don't know what is going to keep you apart. We do know, however, that a love that shines as yours can't ever die."

"Welcome to our family, Samantha."

"I... Thank you."

"So, now that's out of the way… Harper is waiting for you. She'll take you to Abby's store to see if you can find something more proper for a wedding ceremony. Jack, don't worry. You know your sisters will take good care of her."

"I know, go, Sam. I'll see you soon." Sam nodded and walked away from the dining room. Finding Harper waiting for her by the entry.

"Finally! Did they drill you over this?"

"No…"

"Okay, cool. They can be intense sometimes."

"They were lovely."

"I'll take your word for that," Harper grinned.

When they got the call an hour later, Jack was in his suit. He had no idea when he bought it in San Diego that he would be marrying Sam in it. He was pacing inside the small parish, waiting for the rest of the family to show up. Beside him, Connor gave him a reassuring smile.

Jack looked around the space he knew by heart. Most of his siblings had gotten married here. He still remembered precisely how uncomfortable the wooden benches could be. His nephew winked at him once his eyes fell over to the piano. His niece waved as she got ready to play the violin.

Whenever his family was involved, the church was filled up almost to the brim. Somehow, there were flowers and candles enhancing the already beautiful place. There was a velvety red carpet. He heard some shuffling.

"Now, Josh!" someone said. By the piano, Josh pressed the first keys. Jack turned around then and gulped. Sam walked down the aisle with her eyes fixed on him. He couldn't take his eyes away from her even if he tried.

His sisters and sisters-in-law had found a simple white dress that fit her perfectly. One of them had dug her veil and loaned it to Sam. So she could have a complete outfit. In her hands, she had a bouquet of snowdrops. She stopped in front of him, a big smile on her face. The ceremony started.

"I'm honored to pronounce you, husband and wife," Connor said half an hour later and grinned. "You can kiss the bride, Jack."

"Finally!" Jack said. As he dipped her low and kissed her senseless.

"Let her breathe! She still needs to sign the certificate!" Sean shouted. Making his family laugh.

"Welcome to the family, Sam. I hope you know he's the best of us." Connor said.

"I know he's the best man for me," Sam whispered back.

"O'Neill's!" Declan shouted. "Let's move this to the town hall now!"

The loud crowd quickly organized in several cars. Driving the five blocks separating the church from the hall. The room that Shannon led them to was beautifully arranged. It made Sam wonder how they had managed to make it happen, in such short notice.

Shannon started a quick ceremony. Soon, the certificate was signed, and she smiled. "Well, I guess now I pronounce you husband and wife," she added. Before she could say more, Jack was already kissing Sam.

"Hey! I didn't say you could kiss her yet!" Shannon complained happily. As the others roared. "Please tell me how you did get a party organized so quickly!"

"You are kidding, right? We are Irish descent for a reason!" Sean shouted. Without knowing really what was going on. Sam and Jack followed the others back to his parents' house. Someone had organized a small party. There was music, drinks, and more food.

It was late that night that they finally drove to Jack's cabin. Their hands tightly wrapped together. Sam's wedding gown was now covered with the jacket Libby had lent her. Jack stopped the truck, and they walked towards their house.

He stopped her by the porch and kissed her. Then he took her in his arms before he crossed them over the threshold. She chuckled.

"How do you feel about all of this?" he asked as he lowered her again so they could get rid of their jackets.

"It was perfect, Jack. I'm only sad, Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, and Cass couldn't be here." She added sadly.

"Did you get a chance to say your goodbyes to Janet and Cass?" he asked.

"Kinda… Cass was on the base on my last day there. The three of us shared lunch. Like with everyone, a see you soon for them, became a goodbye for me." She shook her head then. "Let's not go there tonight, please. Being yours, knowing that I must leave you, is bittersweet enough."

"Okay," he said, kissing her quickly.

Jack linked their hands, a smile on his face as he pulled her to the bedroom. The only place that was left for them to explore and grinned.

"I guess things do happen for a reason," Sam chuckled. Noticing the untouched bed at the same time. He placed a kiss on her shoulder.

"I guess they do, Mrs. O'Neill." He whispered against her skin. She turned around in his arms and searched his eyes.

"Make love to me, Mr. O'Neill. Burn me with your touch. So I won't ever forget you."

"Your wish is my command, my love," Jack said. Taking her to the bed. He stopped her next to it and helped her out of her dress. He groaned. "Let me guess. Harper's idea."

She chuckled. Under her white angelic dress, she was wearing lacy red underwear. That left nothing much to the imagination.

"Well, she picked it up. I couldn't help to think about how you would look at me while wearing it. I wasn't wrong. "

"God, Sam… I love you." He lowered her on the bed and took his time enjoying the view. Touching her everywhere but the covered parts of her anatomy. Until she was pleading with him for more, writhing under his touch.

Every touch of his hands, every caress of his lips, raised goosebumps on her skin. Forever burning his touch in her memory. Then, he finally divested her of the last scraps of fabric covering her.

"Glorious," he whispered, observing her with clouded eyes. Jack had her screaming his name several times before he'd gotten out of his own clothes.

"Please, Jack… I need you," Sam whispered. As he lowered himself slowly on top of her. He teased her, getting a pleasurable moan out of her. As her body shivered with desire. Then he joined her. She gasped as the feeling of him inside her. It took over every nerve ending she had.

Sam wasn't sure who moved first, but she knew they wouldn't last long. She needed him. His soft touch coupled with the rough movements toppled her over. Jack followed her.

She cried.

She had never cried before, but the moment was so intense that tears spilled out of her eyes. Knowing what she had won, and what she had lost, was one and the same. Her Jack, her husband… the man she was about to leave behind. For an unfair deal, they both had been dealt with.

He cried too. She was his one and only. The only woman he had wanted for years and couldn't have. His wife… and the one he was hours away from losing, for good.

Their tears mingled with their lips as they clung to each other for dear life. Never the words 'husband' and 'wife' had been so bitter before that night.

Sam never thought that being Mrs. O'Neill would be so bittersweet. She never thought their beginning would be so close to their end.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead ... maybe...
> 
> Oh! Let me give a huge thanks to loverustal (again) for going through this one and Freya's a such a quick pace! <3

**Tuesday, March 13, 2001.**

Sam opened her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. Trying to memorize it for the journey she had ahead. She knew out of the experience that the little things are the ones you forget first. She hoped it wouldn't get that far before she could return.

Sam knew it was stupid to hope. Even more so, to have attached him to something that wouldn't last. A tear left her eye and fell on his chest. He sighed.

"I love you, Samantha. I'm going to do everything in my power to have you back in no time." He vowed. She turned in his arms and smiled. Yet she had no words left to tell him. What to do or what not to do about this. She figured he would come to the same conclusion at some point.

It was heartbreaking, but she knew deep in her heart that this was it. This was the last day they had.

"You know what?" she said, sitting on the bed and squaring her shoulders. "To hell with being sad and mourning. If this is our last day, I want to make the most of it."

Having long accepted that this was it. She added that 'if' only for him. He smiled.

"That's the Carter I love," he said, placing a kiss on her lips. "My wife." Jack stood up, leaving her on the bed. She heard the shower opening before she saw him stark naked, leaning by the door.

"Water's hot, you coming?"

They took their sweet time under the warm water. Then rushed to get dressed. The house was too cold for Sam. She had goosebumps covering her skin. Her teeth clattered as she dressed as fast as she could.

Jack smiled. He couldn't help to find her frozen Carter endearing. They'd spent so much time freezing together. She had endured so much more than the coldish Minnesota weather. He knew where it came from. For once, Sam wasn't just soldiering on. She was just being… and that filled his heart with pride.

"Watcha looking, Colonel?" she grinned once she was fully covered. And the tips of her fingers weren't blue anymore.

"The most beautiful woman in the whole galaxy." He winked charmingly. She squinted at him.

"Does it mean you know some more beautiful women outside the galaxy?" Sam joked. Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Is there a way I answer this, where I don't dig myself in deeper?" He joked back, making her laugh. "So, Mrs. O'Neill, what do you want to do on this fine day?"

"Have some breakfast?" She asked hopefully. "Maybe we can check out your hometown? I mean, we kinda skipped the tour yesterday. Then we were rushing through it last night…"

"Okay, then I know the perfect place to start," he grinned.

After donning heavier jackets, they walked to the truck. Jack drove them to Main Street. During the night, it looked lovely, still covered with snow. Now, in the morning, it looked alive. People walked around on the sidewalks and waved at them as they drove by. Jack chuckled as he parked in front of a quaint-looking dinner.

"What?" Sam asked, checking his expression.

"Remember how I mentioned Sean and Abby couldn't keep their mouths shut?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, Mrs. O'Neill… don't be surprised, if everyone around knows who you are by now." Sam's eyes widened, and Jack chuckled at her expression. "Come on. You've faced System Lords before. A tiny town shouldn't even startle you."

"Easy for you to say," she muttered. As he got out of the truck and walked around to open her door. He offered her his arm, and they walked inside the dinner.

As Jack suspected, silence took over the moment they entered. All eyes fell on Sam until behind the counter, Declan rolled his eyes.

"Hey! It's just Jack! Not a ghost!" Declan shouted, and conversations restarted. They walked to the counter. Jack's brother smiled at them. "Had a nice night, J?" he asked. Wriggling his eyebrows in a way that reminded Sam of Jack.

"Declan, where are your manners?" Jack rolled his eyes.

"I guess I left them in the suit I wore last night," Declan joked. "Sam, sis… how are you today?"

"Hungry," Sam grinned. Managing to get another set of wriggling eyebrows from Jack's younger brother.

"Oi!" Jack huffed. "Breakfast, Declan... we need breakfast."

"Geez, someone hasn't got his coffee yet. You two can take the booth over there. It'll keep you from being started at Sam. I'll send Jane to get your orders in a jiffy."

"Which one was Jane again?" Sam whispered as they sat where Declan had pointed.

"Declan's kid," Jack said. He smiled as the girl approached them.

"Don't worry, Uncle J. I'm taking your order and getting my ass to school," the seventeen-year-old announced approaching them. "I overslept. It's a boring class, anyway. So, what should I ask dad to get you? Besides the blackest coffee in the whole world," she grinned.

"That's the way to a man's heart, right there, Carter." Sam snorted.

"I take you're talking about the smile, Jack. Yes, two of the blackest coffee's in the whole world would be awesome." Sam grinned.

"If I was to recommend something myself. I'd go with dad's pancakes. He's good at doing those."

"Sold!" Jack said. Not even bothering to check the menu.

"If that's how he reacts, then I'd better get some too. Thanks, Jane."

"Not a problem, Auntie," Jane beamed. Then she disappeared towards the direction of the kitchen.

They were halfway done when Harper slid in the booth beside Sam. "Morning, newlyweds," she grinned. "Before you even start to roll your eyes at me, J… I'm just dropping by to let you know, that my lovely husband, says you can take the truck back to Colorado. If you feel like driving back. I know you've got to be there tomorrow. So I thought a drive could work too… Unless you want to enjoy some more time honeymooning in that deserted cabin of yours."

"What is it with all of you and sex?" Jack huffed. Harper beamed at him.

"It's that we know it's fun!"

"Harper! That's a whole lot of information I don't need!" The two women laughed at Jack's expression. "So, watcha say, wife? Wanna honeymoon some more? Or want to get out of this gossipy town and drive back to the Springs?" Sam blushed. "What about that for payback?" he grinned. Harper turned to look at a very blushing Sam.

"How do we return, if we stay?" She asked.

"Harper… that big brain of hers needs all the facts," Jack pointed.

"Oh, the same way you came, I guess. We could drive you to the closest airport too?"

"Can we stay then? I really want to see the place where you grew up." Sam smiled.

"There isn't that much to see," Harper butted in.

"Cool!" Jack smiled. "Can you get someone to figure out how to get us on the latest flight to Colorado Springs, leaving today or getting us there early tomorrow?"

"Yup! Leave that to me. Sam, if by any chance I don't see you again. It was lovely meeting you. You're as gorgeous as he said you were… and surprisingly funny too."

"Thanks, it was nice to meet you too."

"J, make sure to go by mom and dad's, so they can say goodbye properly too," Harper added, standing up. "Oh, one more thing. Sam, when you do return, please visit. No matter what they might say, we'll all be worried about you. Until we know you are safe and back with the dork, we call brother."

"I will," Sam said, touched by her words. She waited until there was no one close before she let out the breath she was holding. "God, that was hard," she whispered.

"She was honest, though. They'll annoy me until I tell them what happened to you," he gave her a crooked smile. "But let's not think about it now. Let me show you the smallest town you've ever been to."

Jack stood up and offered his hand to her. They walked the five blocks that made 'Main Street,' before they got into the park. There they walked some more. Jack took her to all the places he'd enjoyed while growing up.

While they walked around. People stopped to greet them and congratulated them on their wedding. Sam smiled brightly. She had never felt the sense of community while growing up, and these people were offering it to her freely.

Everyone seemed to have a story to share about Jack. Sam found herself learning more about him in that morning than she did in the four years since she'd met her husband. A little past midday, they returned to Main Street, in search of a coffee shop.

"Gee, Jack… I never thought you would be so popular," she grinned as they munched their lunch.

"One day, I'll get to know that much about you too," he pointed out. Causing her to sigh sadly.

"No. I never had this. You can try to get some information out of dad. You've met Mark. We moved around so much that I hardly had any friends. Come to think about it. That's probably part of the reason they had this stupid idea of theirs."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it," she said, swallowing a bite of her sandwich. "I have no friends, I keep in touch beyond the SGC. I have, well, had no husband or boyfriend. The only family they have to worry about is well, Mark and dad. I'm like the perfect candidate for witness protection."

"Are you? Sam, you might believe you have no life outside the SGC. But I'm sure your name and picture are well known in your fields."

"Well, I'll give you that, but that's fixable. They simply need to keep me away from Astrophysics, and the USAF academy. I'm easy to erase Jack. It's sad, but it is true."

"Listen to me, Sam. They can try to erase all your past if that's what they want. But you will always have family waiting for you, be that your dad, Mark. Me, half of the SGC, or this entire town. Trust me. I'll do anything possible to bring you back to me."

"Jack…" Sam pleaded with her eyes what she couldn't bring herself to say.

"No," he said, caressing her cheek. "I'll search for you until my last breath, Sam. Whether you like it or not. Don't lose faith in us."

"I'll never lose faith in us, Jack."

"Then, keep it there. Keep me there. I'll do my goddamned best." He kissed her cheek. He dropped some bills on the table and walked her to the car.

Jack sped out to the cabin. Needing to feel her surrounding him. Needing to reassure her that things would be okay because they were perfect for each other. He barely reached inside before he had her plastered against him. Taking her higher, loving her in the way he was allowed to now.

Jack made love to his wife. Muttering soft, loving words and truths he hadn't left out before. He engulfed her wholly. Making her forget there was anything out there beyond him, his heartbeat. Their rhythm engulfed them in flames, claiming their hearts and souls.

Time is always unforgiving. Time always runs out, especially when you need it to stop the most.

Soon they were sitting in the backseat of Finn's truck, as he drove them to the airport. Two hours of a heartbreaking road trip in front of them.

When they finally spotted the dimmed lights of the small airport, they both had knots in their stomachs. Finn smiled at them. He gave Sam a big reassuring hug. Shook Jack's hand before jumping in his truck, starting his way back.

There was a finality in watching the lights of Finn's truck disappear towards the place where they'd been their happiest. Without uttering a word, Jack engulfed her in a hug. Before they squared their shoulders and walked inside to catch the plane that was taking them back to the life they once knew.

Neither could sleep. They sat uncomfortably together in the tiny space of the cabin. Despite her hesitations over displays of affection. Sam raised the armrest between their seats and nestled herself on his chest.

The short flight ended too soon. Dread was piling over their shoulders. There was nothing they could do about it. Hand in hand, they wandered around the terminal. Searching for some comforting food and mindless background noise until their next flight was up.

Never in her life getting to Colorado felt as cold. Sam was sure it was due to the nature of her return and not the weather. Jack stepped beside her. Jaw clenched and heart breaking slowly. He linked their hands together as they walked to where he had parked his truck not so long ago when they left on their trip to San Diego. On the trip that had only started to change their lives.

"I'll take you there in the morning," Jack said. Unable to separate himself from her. She nodded gratefully as he drove them to his house.

Adding to her list of never before, Sam entered Jack O'Neill's home in Colorado Springs, at such late hour of that night. He took his time undressing her. To worship her, before she pleaded with him to give in. Despite the rarity of it, they came together as one, screaming each other's names.

To her list of firsts and lasts, Sam added falling asleep in her husband's bed. Cocooned warmly in his arms. Jack never thought, this moment, along with some memories of the past days, would be the ones keeping him going for years to come.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if we are ready for this...

**Wednesday, March 14, 2001**

Sam had heard throughout her life the extended debate about Tuesday 13 and Friday 13. The last one happened at the SGC. Daniel had made a compelling argument, as to why the historical facts pointed to Tuesday winning the worst day over Friday. However, Sam knew now out of experience that neither of those had a thing against Wednesday 14th.

She had woken up in the most beautiful way possible. With kisses and caresses waking every nerve ending of her body. Finishing with a short circuit of her brain. Then, when she was barely coming down from her high. Her husband's hips moved forward, torturously slow, sheathing himself deep inside her.

It was her turn to mutter loving nonsense, words of hope. As reality finally crashed down along with his orgasm. His tears were heart breaking. There was nothing she could do to stop them from falling.

For years, she had been his lifeline and him hers. Both willing to go beyond their duties to protect each other. From things, only a few people in the world knew existed.

Now, their biggest fear would be an unavoidable fact. Sam was going to have a life out of his sight. Jack would still be going through the gate, without her near to protect him.

As they tried to come to terms with what getting up of the safety of that bed meant for them. His landline went off. It surprised them both. No one knew they were back from their holidays. No one expected them to be back until Friday. No one knew the only one returning to work would be Jack. So, he let the machine take it.

_"I don't know how you managed to lose us, Colonel. We know you are honorable above all else. So we trust you will take her to the appointed place, without much of a struggle."_

Jack hissed.

"The jammer might have run out of batteries," Sam offered, embracing him.

"I forgot to turn it on after we landed," he sighed.

"It's okay. We both knew this wouldn't last," she said with a calm she wasn't feeling. "We should get ready…"

"Sam... What if I can't?" He wondered out loud as she walked towards the bathroom.

"You'll let me go, Jack. Because I can't allow your family to suffer your imprisonment. Not when I'll be the cause of it," he rushed to her side. Embracing her tightly. "We'll get through this, Jack. Maybe not together, but definitely stronger."

"I love you, Samantha. I only regret I couldn't show you how much sooner."

"You did, Jack…" she mumbled against his chest. "You always showed how much you loved me… it was written out in all those tiny details. In the way you always tugged me in closer in those never-ending embraces you always gave me for support. In the crooked smile that only I got to see. In the way you protected me, while at the same time trusting me to fend for myself. You'll see, Jack. I never dared to ask for more, because you showed me more than I thought I deserved. I regret that I wasn't bold enough to show you what you always meant to me."

No words were coming out of his mouth. Really, what would anyone say back to something like that? When the one you been 'secretly' in love for years, tells you she knew all along? Jack tugged her in closer, breathing her in and kissed her. Hoping that it was enough to express all that words couldn't.

No words were exchanged after that. There was nothing left to say that wouldn't leave them feeling rawer than they already were. There were no reassuring words for a situation that couldn't be fixed without the cruelty of time.

Their hands never let go as dread settled in.

Jack drove to the city. He looked at the building that stood up tall, at the address he was given. Sam's gaze followed his. She couldn't avoid the sigh that left her.

"It looks so plain," she whispered. Jack nodded.

"That's the whole point for a safe house. No one should be able to tell it apart from the surrounding buildings," Jack explained. Years of using them for top-secret missions had him acquainted with several plain-looking buildings that contained a lot more than they let on. "Ready?"

"No," Sam grimaced, giving a hard squeeze to his hand. "I should do this alone."

"I have to take you there, Sam. Those were my orders." She turned around to observe his conflicted eyes. Wondering, not for the first time, who was the heartless asshole that had forced Jack into this.

"Like a band-air, Jack," she offered. He chuckled mirthlessly. "Let's go."

By the time Jack got out and took her duffel bag from the back seat of his truck. Sam was standing next to him. She grabbed his hand. They crossed the street as if doing it was the most normal thing in the world.

The security guy in the front eyed them carefully. He didn't say a word, as they nodded to him as a greeting of sorts. He raised his eyebrows, giving an appreciative smile at Sam. One that both chose to ignore as they walked past him and towards the elevators.

Jack punched the 14th floor.

Once the doors opened. They walked towards the left side and stopped in front of the only unnumbered door. Taking a deep breath, Jack knocked. The door opened quickly. The woman on the other side of the door moved out of the way to let them in. She closed the door promptly behind them.

"Just on time, Colonel," she said. "Major."

"What's next?" Jack asked.

"Now you go away, Colonel. We will train the Major. Once she's needed back, we'll bring her back to Colorado. Is that all you brought?" she asked. Nodding to the duffel bag that was still hanging from Jack's shoulders. Sam nodded. "Cool, fewer things to get rid of."

"Can I have a word with the Colonel? In private." Sam asked confidently. Even if inside she was crumbling down faster than she thought was possible.

"Yeah, they warned us you might. I'll be in the other room," she said. Pointing towards a door to the side. "Oh, there are cameras here. So don't try anything stupid."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Sam hissed. The woman just shrugged, disappearing through the door.

Sam quickly took her wedding band and engagement ring off. She added the band to her dog tag's chain and placed the engagement ring in one of Jack's hands.

"Take care of this one for me."

"Sam…" he whispered, his hand caressing her face. She closed her eyes, taking that as it was. The last caress she would get from him. Her eyes were filled with tears when she opened them again.

"Please, Jack. I'm already risking this one," she said. Holding the wedding band tightly against her chest. "I'm not sure if they'll let me keep it. I can't allow that one to end up in some obscure warehouse waiting for my return, or give it to Cassie when she needs one," she smiled sadly.

"Okay," he said. Hiding the ring in his pocket. "Sam… I…" Sam launched herself forward, kissing him deeply. If that was the last moment they had. She had to take it. Rules, or people watching over them notwithstanding.

The saltiness of a few lost tears mixed with their kiss. Only making it more potent than already was. When they parted, they rested their foreheads together. Breaths were mingling softly. Gathering a strength that was beyond possible to muster at this point.

"I need you to promise me something, Jack," she whispered.

"Anything."

"If you can't get me back in a year… you'll let me go."

"I can't, Sam. Not that…"

"Please…" she pleaded. Biting her lower lip. He was doomed. Jack nodded once, and she gave him a half-smile. "Go. Go now, Jack," Sam whispered. "Or I won't be able to let you go." He took a deep breath.

"I always knew you were the stronger one of us," Jack said. Sam wasn't surprised when his eyes locked with hers. When she saw the tears, he was keeping at bay or the way they were now darker and more sorrowful.

The weight of knowing she was responsible for adding that new layer, to his already troubled eyes, hit her like a ton of bricks. She embraced herself by the middle, to keep herself from reaching out. To stop him from going away.

The moment he closed the door. She knew for sure what dying felt like. She covered her mouth with a hand to keep the gasps that wanted to escape her. To stop herself from screaming for him to return, to stay with her. To avoid telling him they could try to fight the government on this stupid situation…

"You done?" The woman asked her. Knowing eyes filled with understanding. Sam nodded. Cleaning her face with the back of her hands, before she turned to face whoever she was. "I'm Kira. I'll be your handler for the first leg."

"I'm…"

"I know who you are. I'll be the last one to identify you as Major Samantha Carter. Sadly, I can't say this is my first rodeo. So, I can tell you, this won't be nice."

"I didn't expect it to be," Sam said, clenching her jaw.

"Great, then we are going to get along nicely!" Kira said. Plopping herself on the couch and pointing the other one to Sam.

"So, what's the first leg?" Sam wondered.

"We stop calling you Sam. You stop responding to it. The second one is crucial if you want to stay in the same place for a good while. You're military. So I take you'll need to know some ground rules and how this will happen, right?"

"Yeah."

"The moment that phone rings. You're going to join me on a ride to the parking lot. We're taking you to a second safe house."

"Why?" Kira grinned.

"Because that hunk of a Colonel knows this place. They want you as far away from him as possible. Before he decides he doesn't want to do this shit."

"Why?" Sam asked again.

"Let's say they doubt his loyalty to the USAF, is stronger than his loyalty to you. They think he'll come searching for you. Seeing what I've just seen, I guess they were right on that one." The phone went off. "Well, that's our cue. You can take your duffel, but we'll have to go through it later. You shouldn't keep anything that can compromise your new identity."

"What will happen to my stuff?" Sam asked. As she shouldered her bag, and they walked out of the apartment.

"Well, they'll come up with something to avoid questions from your family and closest friends. Since your career choice is quite mobile. I'd say they'll reassign you to an undisclosed location. Until the training is completed and your location, it's final. There's always a reason for moving out in place before the movers take over."

"The movers?"

"Yes," Kira said, nodding towards a grey Volvo that wouldn't call attention to itself, even if it was the last car in the world. "I've never been involved in that part of the process. All I know is that they clean the original house. They send stuff to a warehouse or something. I can't tell you for sure what happens."

They drove around Colorado for half an hour, before they changed cars in an underground parking lot. Then Kira set their route towards Pueblo. Sam gulped as the last remnants of the city she had lived for the past four years, became nothing more than a blur on the horizon. Before it disappeared for good.

"I'm sorry," Kira said. Sam knew she was being honest and nodded. They drove for another couple hours in silence. A while after they had crossed the state line into New Mexico, Kira relaxed a bit and risked a glance towards Sam.

"There's an envelope in the glove compartment. I need you to place in there anything that can identify you; wallet, ID, passport. Pictures of your friends you thought to bring along. Your dog tags…" she trailed off. Sam nodded.

She took her wallet, passport, and placed it in the envelope. Then, with a sigh, she took her dog tags off. "Huh, I feel almost naked without them." She muttered. Kira sighed.

"You can keep the chain if that helps. But, the tags, they have to go."

"What about this?" Sam asked, chewing her lower lip.

"Let me see…" She took the wedding band Sam was offering. Stopped on the side of the road to check it. "It doesn't have any inscriptions on it and looks like any other wedding band around. You can keep that for now."

Once her wedding band was safely in her hand again. Sam threaded it through her dog tags empty chain and hid it under her blouse. Without the weight of the tags, she could barely feel the ring, but at least gave her some comfort.

"Should I ask about it?" Kira asked. As she saw Sam fiddling with it.

"Oh… It's just something I'm very fond of…"

"Family trinket?"

"Yeah, something like that…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next part of the journey to chapter 1. :D 
> 
> Don't kill me, if only because I still need to finish this.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> M.

**Wednesday, March 14, 2001**

Jack wasn't sure how he was still breathing, but he was. He drove away. When he parked in front of his house, Jack gulped, feeling terribly guilty. He hit his head against the wheel and swore.

He took his dog tags out and watched the ring that Sam asked him to care for. The shimmery blue rock reminded him of her eyes. Shaking himself out of his darker thoughts. He entered his house.

For some reason, it smelled like her. Besides the faint smell, he thought he was imagining; there was nothing else, that could prove she was there a little over an hour ago. Until he reached his room and saw the bed. Unmade on both sides. There were a few things she had bought during their trip, that she would never get a chance to give to her friends.

He plopped down on his bed. Grabbing the pillow she had used, he hugged it tightly. What was he going to say to Daniel, when he asked about her? How would he hide it from Teal'c, who seemed to know everything?

How could he not explain to Hammond, that he knew what had happened for her to disappear on them? How could he tell them he knew nothing at all? How would he explain to Sam's dad she wasn't anywhere to be seen? That one day out of the blue she just didn't exist anymore. They had to move on somehow. As if she never was part of their lives…

No, he couldn't do this. He couldn't take it. His career and life be damned over having her gone. He rushed outside. Barely stopping to grab his keys and wallet. He was speeding up to the building, where he had left her.

The guard that had eyed her so intently wasn't there. That gave him a bad feeling. He pushed the button to the 14th floor several times. Even knowing that by doing so, he wasn't causing the stupid machinery to hurry. He rushed out of the elevator the second the doors opened enough for him to go through.

Jack ran down the corridor. Barging the door open without even knocking. He stood shocked in the middle of an empty room.

He could've sworn there was a chair and a sofa. There had been a coffee table and even a dining room table in the back. He remembered grey curtains and the faint smell of coffee that had just finished brewing. There was nothing now.

Jack walked further inside. The whole thing was as empty as he felt.

He hit the wall hard. Swearing when the pain cursed through his knuckles and up to his arm. At least, he felt something. Jack thought—something besides the awful loss that was threatening to drown him as it had once before.

There was nothing he could do anymore. There was no way to stop her from going away if he didn't know where she was to start with. Defeated, he walked down and drove away. He stopped at the liquor store on his way back. Knowing that it wouldn't help, it didn't with Charlie… It sure as hell wouldn't help with Sam.

But, at that point, he was willing to try.

**Thursday, March 15, 2001**

Jack couldn't remember the last time he fell a hangover that bad, like the one he was having now. But he had started drinking around midday and hadn't stopped until, well, he passed out. The number of bottles scattered through his floor was excessive.

Even so, liquor induced state or hangovers, the pain he felt in his chest never eased. It was excruciating and reminded him why he had accepted that first mission to Abydos so quickly.

He swore to himself that this would be the last time he did it. The last time in the year she had given him to finish the stupid war o forget her.

"God damned eyes of you, Samantha Carter," he muttered. As he wondered why had he nodded after she asked him to do such a thing. He knew full well he wouldn't ever be over her. He couldn't.

His phone went off then, and he frowned. He searched for the damned thing in the dark, noticing then just how late it was. His heart beating loudly in his throat as he reached his cellphone.

'Carter… it has to be her.' He thought and grabbed it.

"O'Neill." He barked.

_"Hey, Jack. I was just checking on you. To see if you got back without issues."_

"Daniel?" Jack half slurred.

_"Yeah? Are you okay? You sound a bit… tired?"_

"I feel like a truck just ran over me, Daniel."

_"Yikes, you sick?"_

"Something like that."

_"Oh, then I'd better let you rest. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"_

"I guess so."

They exchanged a quick goodbye before he lowered the phone. He wanted to throw it away, but he contained himself in the last second. He looked at the phone once more, as if daring it to go off. It didn't happen.

He went to the bathroom. After getting a shower to try to clear his head, he plopped on his bed. It still was messy, from the one time he'd had Sam with him. Her pillow was still where he had left it before he had rushed out to his futile search. Her things were still waiting in the chair. He wondered how it would feel to enter her house now, that it wasn't hers anymore.

Jack imagined Daniel's face when she didn't show up the following day. The impassive look Teal'c would give him. He knew his teammates would turn to him, in search of explanations that he wouldn't have. That he couldn't provide.

"Fuck it. I can't do it." Jack said. He walked out of the room and picked up his phone. Without even thinking about how weird it was. He pressed the numbers and waited.

_"Hammond."_

"Sir?"

_"Jack? It's everything all right?"_

"Yes! No!" He swore inwardly and rubbed his face with his free hand. "Sir, I know this is out of the blue and all, but can I get some more leave?"

_"I'm sorry, Jack, but I can't."_

"Why? I mean, I have plenty of days, I haven't taken, sir."

 _"I know… I just can't. Listen, son…"_ Jack gulped. Whenever 'son' was out, something was wrong. _"I can explain it to you, but not like this. Let's talk tomorrow in my office, okay?"_

"I…" Jack huffed, wondering what he knew. There had to be something going on if he couldn't disclose it on the phone. "All right."

**Friday, March 16, 2001**

There was a certain grimness on Jack, or so Daniel thought when they bumped in the elevator towards Hammonds' office. It reminded him of those first few days when he was a wounded childless father. That gaping wound wasn't even close to starting to heal.

"Jack? Everything okay?" He asked. Worrying about Jack's mental health above anything else.

"Don't worry about it, Space-monkey." Jack dismissed.

"But…"

"No, don't start questioning me, Daniel. I'm not in the mood."

Daniel opened his mouth to speak once more, but he chose to keep quiet. The truth was, he had no idea what could get Jack in that mood unless it was related to Charlie. He frowned again because he knew they weren't even close to Charlie's birthday or death date.

He shrugged then, hoping that whatever it was, Jack would find a way to deal with it or tell them about it. Then he smiled. 'Sam,' he thought. The archeologist knew if there was someone who could get Jack out of his sour mood, it was her.

They walked to Hammond's office. Even if he wasn't as good with gut feelings as Jack or Sam, he knew something was utterly wrong. Hammond's grim face matched Jack's, and that meant trouble.

"Hi, General. You wanted to see us?" Daniel asked. Teal'c was already inside the office when they arrived.

"Yes. I guess there's no easy way to tell you this. So, I'll just get it out at once," Hammond pinched the bridge of his nose. Jack clenched his jaw.

"Gut feeling?" Daniel whispered to his friend. Jack nodded once, unable to find words to justify his mood.

"I called you all first. Because I know that, after four years, you're almost like family."

"Wait… where's Sam?" Daniel asked then. Something clicked in his mind when the General flinched. "No… whatever happened, I don't believe it. I can't believe it."

"She's been transferred out, son. That's all I know."

"No… how could they? We need her! Jack! Tell him!" Daniel whined loudly.

"There's nothing we can do, Daniel," Jack mumbled, lowering his head.

"You knew this? You knew this was happening and didn't tell us?"

"I…" Jack started.

What could he say? That he didn't know? Could he blatantly lie to his best friend and hope it didn't bite him in the ass?

"Daniel Jackson, I believe O'Neill was informed ahead of us as the leader of our team," Teal'c said, noticing the uneasiness flowing out of Jack.

"Okay, I might be overreacting. I'm sorry. I'll call her the moment we get out of here."

"I regret to inform you that will be impossible, Doctor Jackson. All I know is that she was transferred to a top-secret facility. I don't have enough clearance to know about."

"But? We have the highest clearance available…" Daniel frowned.

"No, Daniel. We don't." Jack huffed.

"It's that all you are going to say?" Daniel asked. Jack could feel the hurt in his voice.

"No, Daniel. There's nothing we can do," Jack said. Raising his head and looking at his best friend. The devastation in his eyes told Daniel that his words were real. That there wasn't anything left. That there weren't strings to pull, to keep her inside the SGC. "Sir, if that's all?" Jack said, standing up. Hammond nodded, and Jack walked away. Leaving the room as quickly as possible.

He hoped against all hope that Daniel would leave him alone. He knew eventually Daniel would come and try to get him to talk. He hoped it would be later instead of sooner. He didn't have that kind of luck. It happened that night when he arrived home.

A house that was dark and still littered with bottles. The house that didn't smell like her anymore. Jack had been toying with the idea of driving by Sam's house and picking up some of her clothes. Maybe her shampoo and perfume… anything that would allow him to keep the little details. The ones he knew faded first.

Jack was about to walk out again when he saw the lights of a car parking on his curb. "Daniel," he muttered. With a sigh, he opened the door and waited until his friend was on his porch.

"Were you expecting me?" He asked with a frown. Jack's raised eyebrow was all he needed as an answer. A look at the condition of his house told Daniel more than he needed to know. "You knew about this before, didn't you?" he accused.

"Daniel, knock it off. There's nothing we can do. Nothing I can tell you that you don't already know."

"God, Jack, you knew this! You knew even then! We never got a chance to say goodbye!" Daniel replied angrily.

"Technically, we did say goodbye," Jack offered with a grimace.

"Team night… Team night before she went on vacations, to never return," Daniel huffed. "There's more, isn't there?"

"Daniel, I can't tell you more. There's nothing more to say."

"Bullshit!" Daniel shouted, rushing out of his house. Tripping with a few bottles on his way out. Not stopping until he was inside his car and driving away.

"Daniel!" Jack shouted. As he followed his friend.

He knew exactly where Daniel was going. It was after all the same place he wanted to visit but hadn't dared to yet. They parked outside. The house was depressingly dark. They both closed their car doors at the same time. The hollow sound was the only noise breaking the silence of the night. A light turned on in the neighboring house, but they didn't pay attention to it.

Daniel strolled to the entry. His heart beating wildly in his throat. He knocked and turned towards Jack. Jack only shrugged. Unable to hear anything but his own heartbeat going crazy. Daniel tried the door only to find it unlocked.

"Sam?" he called in the dark hall. He fiddled with the wall until he hit the entry light, and they gasped. The house was empty. There was nothing left. There was nothing that could even point to anyone who had lived there for years. "It can't be possible," Daniel whispered, and Jack followed him inside.

They checked all the rooms, finding them all devoid of anything. "Jack… something is wrong here. Sam wouldn't just disappear on us like that. She wouldn't go away without letting us know she was okay. Please, Jack, tell me she's okay." Daniel pleaded.

Jack fought with his own broken heart, to find the strength to calm his friend. In the end, he engulfed his younger friend in a hug. "It'll be okay, Daniel… In time, it'll be okay."

"Hello?" A voice called from the entrance. They walked to it. "Hi, I'm Deborah… from next door," the woman trailed off.

"We were…"

"Her teammates, right? Samantha had warned us a long time ago, not to call the police if you came around to check on her house," Deborah grinned. "It's so sad to see this house so empty. Her cousin said Sam had to be transferred in such a rush, that she couldn't even take care of the house by herself. Lovely girl, her cousin."

"Her cousin?" Daniel frowned. In all the years he'd known Sam, she had never mentioned a cousin.

"Yes… Miranda Carter, she said. They looked quite… alike. Anyhow, Samantha asked her to let the movers in."

"When did this happen?" Jack asked.

"Yesterday. Didn't you know?"

"Not until today," Jack answered.

"Well, if you speak with Samantha, give her my regards."

"We will," Jack said, watching Deborah walk away. "You can wipe that expression off your face, Daniel."

"But Jack!"

"I know."

"She doesn't have any cousins."

"I know!"

"Then…"

"Then nothing, Daniel. We move on… we have to"


	15. Chapter 15

**Sunday, April 1, 2001**

Sam looked at the ceiling of the almost sterile room she had been living it. White walls, white roof, cheap MDF wardrobe. The only slight touches of something that could be deemed as personal, were the few things Kira had allowed her to keep.

Eighteen days had passed. Since she started the long process of not being herself anymore. Finally, those days were paying off.

That first day, Kira drove them straight to Albuquerque, New Mexico. They had stopped at a quaint little house. One that was almost as devoid of life as her current room, but it had smelled glorious.

"Eat. Then we'll look at your stuff. After we'll go again," Kira said. As she presented her with a box of pizza, that was waiting for them in the kitchen.

They ate in silence. There wasn't much Sam wanted to say. There was so much, almost too much, that Kira needed to say. She could wait until after their meal, though. It was too late for it to be a lunch and too early to be a dinner. Kira couldn't care less. They were both starving.

Once they finished, Sam fetched her duffel bag from the car and got back inside. She stood to wait for instructions. "Just empty it on the floor," Kira said. The envelope with her documents was right beside Kira. An empty box waited for the other things that might not fit in the smaller package. "In case we need to add anything else to it." She said as she followed Sam's line of sight. "We can't leave anything that can be attached to you unsealed when we leave this house."

Kira was thorough. She checked pockets and linings for anything that could compromise her. She frowned when she spotted what looked like a BDU jacket but devoid of any name, rank, or patch. Sam sighed. Patting the garment, Kira raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"What's this?" she asked

"A pebble?" Sam offered. The woman rolled her eyes at her. She checked it and set it to the side. Then she patted the other pocket, finding a note, and sighed. She placed it beside the pebble and continued her exploration only to find the pen. She continued her examination of the items. Adding a piece of paper and the watch Sam was wearing to the pile.

Finally, she placed all the clothes inside the box and checked the duffel bag. The strap said S.C, so she took it off. Standing up, Kira searched for a pair of scissors, she cut the name out of the belt and placed it inside the envelope, the duffel and the remains of the strap ended up inside the box.

"Now this…" she said. Pointing to the smile pile of objects she had left behind. "Tell me why I should allow you to keep it."

"To keep my sanity?" Sam shrugged.

"Hmm…" Kira said. She grabbed the pebble again, and Sam held her breath. "It looks like any other pebble to me. Now, this…" she said, grabbing the paper with Daniel's writings. "What is this writing?"

"It's classified."

"Then how did it get into your bag?"

"No, the origin of the writing, it's classified. The paper itself says nothing. It's just some internal joke."

"But presented to the right people, can it tie you to Samantha Carter?" Sam thought for a while.

"There's only one person who knows or understands this piece of paper. If it's him who reads it. Then, he'll know who I am way before he gets to this paper."

"Ah, one of your teammates then. Let's move on," she grabbed the pen. Sam held her breath. Kira slowly dissembled it. Finding nothing out of the ordinary before she put it back together. "A pen is always useful."

Sam left out the breath she was holding. Even knowing she had her wedding band. That pen was the most reassuring thing in her small stash of personal belongings. Kira grabbed Sam's watch. It wasn't the military issued one that she left at the base. It was a simple watch with leather straps that had once belonged to her mother. Her dad had given it to her. For some reason, Sam decided she couldn't part with it.

"Well, the inscription says nothing much. I see nothing wrong with it." Kira said. Moving to the last folded paper. She smiled when she opened it. Finding a stick figure with blond hair and little blue eyes, along with another one with red hair. In the corner of the paper, it said, 'Cassie' with what looked like an adult's writing.

Kira stood up and walked away. Not losing sight of the things on the floor and returned with a piece of paper.

"Write this for me…" Kira said, pointing to the name. Sam picked up 'Jack's' pen and scribbled Cassie on the paper. "That's not yours. Interesting."

"No, it's her mothers." She smiled fondly at the picture.

"Okay. Look, I don't see anything particularly damning on your stash. Trust me, I've seen a lot of people trying to pass pictures and some other things that could compromise the identity. So, I'm going to let you keep them. But it will be your responsibility to find it a story that will work with the identity I give to you. If you trust you can do that, then keep them. If you fear you won't be able to create a new past for them, then leave them in the envelope."

"What happens if I find out I can't?"

"Well, this is the last point of existence for Samantha Carter. These things will end up with 'Samantha Carter's' belongings. So, if you ever return to being her. This is the point you'll want to leave the stuff you might want to recover. Whatever that gets into custody after this point… Will most likely get lost. So, why don't you think about it while you shower? There are clothes for you in the room. When you are done and decided what to do. We can move on."

Sam wanted to jump at the chance of keeping the little things she managed to keep. But she had doubts. While she showered, Sam tried to come by with some more mundane explanations to her little treasure. Smiling when she'd managed it. She walked out of the shower. Sam dressed in the clothes that were left for her before she walked outside to find Kira.

"So, what will it be?"

"I'll keep them."

"Fine by me," Kira grinned. "That's yours until the next identity," she said. Pointing to a vibrant red suitcase. Sam nodded and opened it. There were several kinds of clothes and a pair of shoes. Not that much for a whole new life, she thought. Kira passed her the personal things that she would keep, and she placed them inside the suitcase.

The woman finally sealed the envelope and taped the box closed. She moved a painting to show a safe in the wall. She placed the envelope inside it and closed it. The sound of the lock was now burnt into Sam's mind.

"I'm ready," Sam said. Knowing that once that safe locked, she wasn't herself anymore.

"Good, let's go." They picked yet another car and drove away. They stopped at a motel to sleep. Sam toyed with the idea of calling Jack, but she knew couldn't. She knew as hard as it was to even pretend, her call wouldn't hurt him more, it would. Besides, Samantha Carter was no more.

The following morning, the car they were driving the previous day was nowhere to be seen. In its place, there was a nondescript grey van. They grabbed some breakfast before they moved again. This time Kira sighed.

"Open the glove compartment." Sam did as she was told. There was an envelope like the one they left behind. "That's your new identity. Until you can respond to her name without hesitating. You won't be allowed an out."

"Emma Irvine," Sam frowned. "Sounds like a porn star." Kira laughed at it.

"I've heard worse."

For the past seventeen days, Kira trained her to stop answering to her name and start being Emma.

"Emma," Kira called. Sam sat on the bed and smiled. "Yes?"

"I just came to say goodbye."

"You are leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm only the first leg handler, remember? Don't forget what you've learned. This is the most important lesson, Emma. The entire thing depends on you being yourself."

That was a message that could be confusing as hell, but Sam understood it. If she couldn't keep Emma as the one who ended up in witness protection, Sam Carter was in danger. If her name were out, Jack would be doomed.

"So, what's next?"

"Your next handler will be here in a few. However, they'll give you another identity for you to learn. I'm not sure how many more they'll put between the first one and the first one that will grant you an out. At some point, one will stick."

"Thanks, Kira."

"Take care of yourself, Emma."

They exchanged a hug. After all, Kira was Sam's only companion during this whole experience. She touched the ring that now hung from another chain and grabbed strength from it. "Wherever you are, Jack. Please know that I love you." She whispered.

Two hours later, the bell of the small apartment came to life. Sam took a deep breath and prepared herself for the next experience.

"Hi, you must be Emma Irvine."

"Yes." She said nervously.

"I'm Logan Wales," the man said. Entering the house and closing the door behind him. "I'll be your first leg handler."

"What's a first leg handler?" She asked as if she didn't know. Because Emma Irvine didn't.

"Well, Emma… the thing is like this…"

**Monday, April 2, 2001**

"It's the Tok'ra," Walter announced. Once the wormhole engaged and the IDC was passed through their computers. Not for the first time, Jack wanted to turn around and walk away from meeting them. However, he still had some morals and that could be the father of his wife coming through.

"Open the iris," Jack grunted. Walter didn't question the bitter way he was addressed.

Truth was, since the announcement of Major Carter's assignment to another post, things had been different around the SGC. The usually cheery SG-1 had turned gloomy.

Teal'c stoic figure now rarely met anyone's eyes. Daniel's especially chatty personality spent hours alone and in silence. Not even the findings of SG-12 about some mystery rocks had him going. O'Neill, he was the worst of them all.

He returned to the taciturn man Walter had met years ago. Back when the program was reinstated. He hadn't liked that man. Walter also had seen the changes that SG-1 made on him. It seemed now that the glue on the whole team wasn't Daniel after all, but Carter.

"Fuck!" Jack hissed. Once the blurry figure finally crossed over. "Fucking shit!" he mumbled. Walking out of the control room, not caring about the widened eyes of the people. They had been working with him for four years and hadn't ever heard him utter a swear word before.

"What's going on?" Hammond asked, finally getting downstairs, only to watch Jack walking away towards the embarkment room.

"The Tok'ra, sir," Walter said. Then, exchanging a glance around with the other techs in the room, he sighed. "Is he going to be okay, sir?" Hammond gave him a sad smile.

"Will you, Walter? If we can't… then he won't, ever." Hammond lowered his eyes and walked away.

The whole SGC was missing her terribly. The rumor mill was going crazy, saying that she was working undercover somewhere. Or that she was killed by the NID, but they couldn't exactly say that not to alarm any other members of the SGC. The nicest one was that she retired to some other country. To live a nice life far away from having to take over the brunt of saving the world.

Then came to the exchange about how Jack should've retired and followed her somewhere. Because it was obvious to anyone that he wasn't himself anymore. That he was now hollow and miserable.

George shook his head. They were all hollow and miserable; they were all missing her bright smile that could cheer their days. Or her snorts at O'Neill's lousy jokes. Jokes he wasn't telling anymore.

"Dad," Jack greeted with a half-smile. One that was half-smile more than he had given to anyone else in the past weeks. "How are you?"

"Jack! I'm good, Selmak is good. Please give me some coffee…." He pleaded jokingly.

"I thought Selmak has forbidden you to drink it."

"She has... but she needs to suck it up this time," Jacob grinned. Then he frowned as he searched around without spotting his daughter. "Where's Sam?"

Jack clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. He knew deep down that this conversation was meant to happen sooner rather than later. Knowing that didn't make it any easier.

"Jacob," Hammond said then. "Let's take it to my office."

They walked in silence. Jacob didn't need much more to know something was wrong. "What the hell is going on?" Jacob asked the moment the door was closed behind them. "Where's Sam?"

"Jacob…" George grimaced. "Sam was transferred out of the SGC."

"Transferred out? Why? She is the foremost expert on all matters of the Stargate."

"We don't know for sure. We only know she was," Hammond said, with a sigh. Jack only lowered his head.

"That's a whole load of bullshit," Jacob said.

"Yeah, we can all agree on that one," Hammond muttered. "Now, what's the matter? Unless you came here to see Sam. Though, I'm pretty sure that's not why you're here."

"No, we need to borrow that mothership of yours."

When Jack entered his quarters that night, Jacob was inside. He took a deep breath for what he knew was coming.

"Dad."

"Jack."

"Dad?"

"Jack…" he rolled his eyes. "I need to talk to my daughter. I need to know she's alive."

"We all need that, Jacob." Jack hissed. "But's simply not possible."

"You know more," Jacob stated, looking at Jack.

"Why do people keep coming to me, asking me about her?! For crying out loud! She was my friend, too! But I don't know more than you've been told!"

"Was?" Jacob said, raising an eyebrow. Jack sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Is… will be… I don't know what you want me to say! I don't know why everyone keeps hoping that I will somehow magically bring her back. As if she was never taken away!"

"I'm sorry, Jack. I should've known you were as screwed up by this news as I am." Jacob whispered. "Did she call you? Did she mention she would disappear as Daniel said she did?"

"Would you stop hounding me if I told you, it's classified?" Jack tried. Plopping himself down on his bed, tired. Wanting nothing more than sleep, so he could dream about her.

"Classified? Jack… you are saying…." He trailed off.

"Look, Jacob. I can tell you this. Only because I know you above all other people would understand. Wherever she is, she's safer than here."

"That's not possible, the only way she's safer than here is… if she's dead."

"From time to time I wonder if that wouldn't be easier." Jack huffed. Jacob plopped himself beside Jack, rubbed his face tiredly. Now, he knew for sure Jack knew something George didn't. But he wasn't going to budge if it was under the classified part of the deal.

"Is there a way to get her back?" Jacob whispered, defeated. Jack nodded. "Why aren't you at it then?"

"Well, you've been on it for years too! And that snake in your head, have been at it for centuries!" Jack stood up. He walked to the table, toying around with a glass he had forgotten was there before.

"The Goa'uld war."

"For crying out loud, I'm just an old man here, Jacob! How do they expect me to end a war that the Tok'ra has been fighting for so long? How can I bring down a group of rogue guys that only want what's best for their own asses? Fuck it! If we had a chance at all, it would come from her brain, not mine!" He finished. Grabbing the glass and throwing it against the wall.

Jacob walked to him and placed his hand over Jack's shoulder.

"I wouldn't want anything more than having her back, Jacob. Even if that would mean the end of my career." Jack muttered.

"I know. For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Jack." Jack sighed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too."

**Sunday, April 22, 2001**

Sam looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. Her previously short blond hair was now covered with a light brown dye. The hairstylist that had done it, also braided some extensions into it to make it long and luscious. Her eyebrows were also obscured. She looked nothing quite like herself in the clothes she was given.

Her name was laughable now: Isadora Willis. 'Right out of another comic book', she thought.

"Isadora?" Logan called. She turned around. "Whoa!" he said. "You're gorgeous, Isadora."

"Thanks," she smiled shyly. If she didn't know Logan was gay, she would've thought he was flirting with her.

"Ready to face the world?"

"As much as I've ever been."

"You'll do great." He said and gave her the keys to a car. "There's some money in your bank account, clothes in your bedroom closet. A nice, albeit a bit cheap apartment waiting for you. You should be able to improve anything as you settle in."

She nodded. She grabbed her purse and shouldered it before she strolled towards the exit. "Isadora," he called again. "Don't you forget if anyone barely hints anything about your previous life, call the number in your cellphone."

"I will."

As Logan warned, the apartment was on the cheap side. It reminded her of the first one she'd had out of the Academy. At least it was a place to call home now. She walked around it and wondered what Jack, Daniel, and even Teal'c would've said about it. Then shook her head.

She noticed the phone then. Sam knew whatever call she placed would be recorded. So, even though she was dying to call Jack if only to listen to his voice coming from his machine. She couldn't.

But for the first time since March 14th, she was free to cry for all that she'd lost.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I've misplaced the betaed ending of Freyja's Experiment (I'm soo sorry Loverustal -.-') ... you get lucky and get another chapter of this angsty story. xD 
> 
> I wonder if should I add that from here on, there will be a lot of usage of the "F" word. Holy Hannah kinda doesn't cut it for this one xD

**Saturday, April 28, 2001.**

"Well, I've said we shouldn't do this from the start," Jack pointed out. Which gained him Jacob's huff. "What? I said it, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did, Jack. But we are here, aren't we?"

"We can all agree that the outcome was far better than the Tok'ra expected after your disappearance," George pointed out.

"Is there a time when they don't think we are all going to die, anyway?" Jack asked, looking at Jacob.

"When we have a plan and we stick to it. Which of course we didn't."

"We can all just agree that things would end up far better if Carter was around. Her big brains would've helped us out," Jack huffed. Daniel grimaced. The previously happier mood immediately gone.

"Did you get any word on her while we were gone, George?" Jacob asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry. I still know nothing beyond what I've told you. Maybe now that you've survived yet another close call, you want to visit Mark?"

"That would be nice, yeah."

If everyone wasn't looking at Hammond when Jacob answered him. They would've noticed the slight flinch of terror that appeared in Jack's face.

**Monday, April 30, 2001**

Even though Sam had worried about working at a college in her field of expertise. Knowing she had all those papers, collaborations, and books published. Isadora hit the first week of work at the community college with no scares about any previous name.

If she was honest, she liked the simple risk-free life. Although she missed her guys terribly. Her husband more than anyone else. Her coworkers were friendly, and they were happy to help her settle. She was talking with one of them when she felt a bit lightheaded.

"Are you okay, Isadora?" Janice asked worriedly. If they were honest, they were all worried about her. Even with all the makeup she had on, she couldn't hide the dark spots under her eyes. They also noticed the sadness that shined through her baby blue eyes. All in all, there was always an air of mystery and sadness hanging around the newly hired professor.

"Yes, it's probably just low sugar." She dismissed.

"Well, there's a flu going around. Why don't you make sure and visit the Nurse's office?" Janice offered.

"I think I will. Can you point me to it?" She asked, surprising herself. Maybe she'd finally forgotten all about Samantha Carter. Was that why a simple dizzy spell was warranting a visit to the nurse's office?

"Isadora Willis, right?" the nurse said with a bright smile. Sam nodded. Her eyes filled with tears when she remembered Janet. "Hey, everything all right?"

"Yes. It's just the blues," Sam said.

"Well, the blues or not the blues, let's check you up. So, tell me, Isadora, when was your last period?"

"My last period?" She blinked.

"Yeah. It's a generic question."

"Oh…" but for the life of her, she couldn't remember when it was. "I'm not sure."

"Were you always irregular?"

"No, but I just went through a lot of stress the past few months," she grimaced. Isadora's back story included the death of her parents from an accident three months earlier. That left her with a bunch of loans to pay. So, stressed 'fit.'

"Well, I will ask you to get to a Doctor's office and get a full blood workup. Do you have a doctor yet?"

"No," she shook her head.

"I can refer you to someone if you like."

"I would love that. Thanks."

**Tuesday, May 1, 2001.**

After her low-sugar dizzy spell, and her visit to the campus nurse's office. Sam had managed to get herself an appointment with the doctor, that the nurse had referred her to. Her appointment wasn't until Friday.

That night, as she walked home. She noticed the drugstore sign and stopped dead in her tracks. Friday was too long of a wait, she decided then. She got herself a pregnancy test. If only to calm the racing thoughts that were flooding her mind, since that stupid question was asked.

The 'When was your last period?' was consuming her brain. It couldn't be, right? She was under a strict birth control because of her previous job. Her messed up body chemistry supposedly worked against her too. So, as she waited for the stick to decide her fate, she had read her chances.

They were low.

She sighed, not knowing if that low number that showed as her chances (body chemistry aside) of getting pregnant in a situation like hers was a good or a bad thing. If she was honest, she was in no condition to be a mother. Not when she was just a week into this new identity of hers. Still fighting to find a new life away from everyone she loved.

Not when she would have to do this all by herself. Her timer went off then and she checked it.

"Fuck," she said. She laughed and cried.

The stick said she wasn't pregnant.

For some reason, she felt the contradiction of wanting to cry out of the loss she hadn't experienced, and laugh at the relaxing feeling of knowing she wouldn't have to raise a kid, in the chaotic simplicity of her life.

"But it would've been Jack's…." she thought then. She cried all over again for what she had lost.

**Friday, May 4, 2001.**

Jack was stargazing in his rooftop. He seemed to be doing it a lot more often now. It helped him to concentrate on other things, rather than the ever-present feeling of emptiness that had taken over him since he left her in that apartment.

If he was honest with himself, it wasn't getting any easier to deal with her loss. Not even when he had found that among the few belongings that she left him, there were a couple of travel size bottles. Shampoo, conditioner, lotion, shower gel, and perfume - things she had only used when they were at his cabin. He had sprayed his pillow with her perfume that night before he started rationing it. So, it would last for as long as he could keep it.

He sighed, looking at a star that he always associated with her, for some reason. Grabbed his beer bottle and took a deep swig of it. Lights from a car interrupted his train of thought for a second. Then all together when he noticed it parked on his curb.

The sound of his bell ringing was the next thing he heard, as he was getting down from the roof. Then there was pounding.

"Geez, I'm coming!" he shouted. Shaking his head, everyone he knew was aware he rarely locked his door, if at all. So, whoever it was didn't know him, or was so pissed off that pounding on his door was almost cathartic.

"Oh, boy!" he said. Remembering his unknowing father-in-law went to visit his son. The son that had seen him and Carter getting along quite well on that one-day visit they had shared.

"Jack O'Neill! I know you are in there!" Jacob's voice came loud and clear through the door. Taking a deep breath, Jack opened the door.

"Jake! Whatcha doing over here?"

"Don't Jake me, Jack! I want answers, and I want them now! I've kept myself from coming and getting them out of you for a whole damn week."

"Nice family visit, I'll take it?" Jack grinned. Leading Jacob into his living room.

"You know why I'm here, don't you?" Jacob asked. Taking a seat on the sofa.

"Beer?" Jack asked. Knowing this conversation most likely would become a touchy chat. There was a chance that the older man tried to kill him. Who knew? Maybe Jacob liked Jack enough to understand why he'd risked a weekend out of four years for being by her side… Jacob raised his eyebrow.

"Tea?" Jack offered then, "I have… huh, water if that works…."

"Cut the crap, Jack."

"I just honestly think you need a drink for this one, Jacob," Jack said. Raising his hands in defeat.

"I'll take the beer. You do know alcohol does nothing for me anymore, right?" Jacob called as Jack walked away.

"I know," Jack shrugged. "But a drink is a drink."

Not too long after, Jack was sitting in front of Jacob. Waiting for him to drill him down or ask him whatever was on his mind.

"Mark mentioned something when I was there…" Jacob said. A while after taking a sip of his beer. "He said he hadn't seen happier than the day she visited him."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He also said that under it all she seemed sad," Jacob confessed. "She knew, didn't she? Whatever happened, she knew it was going to happen, right?"

Jack sat there for a while. He had broken a shit ton of rules in his life and career. He had never - willingly or unwillingly–given away classified information to someone without clearance for it before.

"To hell with it," he muttered. Considering that the man in front of him had not only to deal with the disappearance of his daughter, but he was, for all intents and purposes, half-alien. So, to who would he tell this to? The high council of the Tok'ra? To a fucking System, Lord?

Jacob just observed him, as his expression changed several times. He knew Sam would've been able to distinguish each and every one of the emotions that were passing briskly on his face.

"Wait here," Jack said out of a sudden and walked away. Returning moments later with a small device in his hands.

"What's that?" Jacob frowned. Jack sighed.

"The last doohickey Sam made," he smiled fondly at it. Jacob noticed not only the change in his demeanor but the way he had called her. Not Carter… just Sam.

Jacob was already aware of those feelings. He had called Sam out on them before. Way before the zat'arc incident had taken place. He thought it was dangerous for her to follow Jack blindly because of those feelings. But he was proven so wrong, so many times in that aspect. He had at some point considered Jack would be the perfect match for his daughter. If there weren't rules in place to stop them.

"And what does it do?" Jacob prodded as Jack turned it on.

"It's a jammer… that I hope still works." He grimaced, lowering the device to the coffee table between them. Slowly and with a tad of apprehension, Jack took out his cell. Dropping it on the table beside the device and let out the breath he was holding. "Oh, God, I can't believe it still works."

"Okay? So now what?" Jacob frowned.

"Now, I tell you what I know."

**Friday, May 4, 2001.**

"Hi, Isadora Willis, right?" the doctor, an old man that could totally pass as Santa Claus told her once she entered the room.

"Yeah," Sam grinned, offering him her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Doctor Strauss."

"Pleasure is all mine. So, what brings you to my clinic?"

"A dizzy spell?" Sam offered. "I think it was low sugar."

"Do you have dizzy spells often?"

"No."

"What about preexisting conditions?"

"None that I'm aware. I'm usually quite healthy."

"Usually?" Doctor Strauss smiled. "Well, tell me, Mrs. Willis. Are you on birth control?"

"I was…. Before I moved here," she added. This one was going to be tricky. She knew Isadora Willis had a background, but there weren't many dates or things that would pinpoint her to a place or timeframe other than 'she used to.' So, Sam supposed the 'used to,' would have to do.

"And when you stopped your birth control, did you have sexual intercourse?"

"I had sex," she frowned. "But I was still under birth control then."

"Okay, and your last period?"

"I can't remember."

"Well, Isadora… I'm sure you know the only 100% effective birth control method is abstinence." She nodded awkwardly. "So, I'll tell you what, why don't we run a blood test to check for anything that could be wrong with you. A dizzy spell could be anything without the proper background." He smiled at her in a way that reminded her of Janet.

"Okay. How long will it take?"

"I'm ordering the standard one. If you go outside, someone will call you to get your blood. You can be back in, let's say four hours? Your results should be back then."

"Thank you, Doctor Strauss."

Four hours later, Sam was ready to barricade herself behind anything. If only not to get the results of her test. She wasn't pregnant. She knew that from the test she had taken. Providing they only had done the standard tests. Her blood shouldn't raise any flags.

Sam shook her head. She hadn't thought this one through. She could be sick from something far more dangerous than anyone could anticipate. She was, after all, consumed by some weird entity before this whole thing became her current life. She should've contacted her handler and mention this possibility.

"Isadora Willis," a woman called after she found Sam's results. Sam stood up and picked the white envelope from the waiting hands. With trembling hands, she opened it. She scanned the document and blanched.

At the end of the results, there was a note field: 'This test concludes the patient is pregnant.'


	17. Chapter 17

**Friday, May 4, 2001**

"Are you for real?" Jacob frowned, looking at Jack unbelievingly.

"Yes," Jack said, grimly.

"You're seriously saying that the Government forced you to take my daughter somewhere. So they could place her in witness protection for her safety?"

"Yes."

"Now, tell me the truth."

"That is the truth. Look, I'm risking my neck here, Jacob. I'm not sure they aren't listening, jamming devices, or not. All I know is that I left Sam where they asked me to. When I decided I wouldn't play, she wasn't there anymore. The whole place was empty."

"And you didn't think about searching for her?"

"Search where? For all I know, she could be Marianne Reyes and live in Hawaii now!" Jack huffed.

"You said before, that the Goa'uld war was one of the things she needs us to finish before they'll allow her back?"

"Yeah, that, and we have to be sure there aren't any more rogue NID cells running around freely."

"Holy Hannah, we will never see her again." Jacob huffed.

"Tell me about it. You're the only other person who knows those conditions." Jack muttered.

They looked at nothing at all for a second, before they both reached for their beer bottles.

"Now I get the reference," Jacob sighed, taking a sip and lowering it again. "Tell me something, Jack. Was she happy?"

Jack lowered his bottle on the coffee table and looked up. A small smile appeared on his face, one Jacob had never seen before.

"I hope so. All I can tell you for sure is that I was, Jacob. During those few days, she made me the happiest man alive."

Jacob smiled.

"Then, she was ecstatic." Jacob stood up, walked towards Jack. Placing his hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Jack. For taking care of her during the last days she had, as herself."

"It was the least I could do, Jake."

"We'll bring her back, Jack. Even if that's the last thing we do."

Jacob left the house with one last look over his shoulder. He saw Jack, the man he knew his daughter loved more than herself and sighed. Jack was broken beyond repair. The only one that could help him pick the pieces wouldn't be available for years to come.

**Friday, May 4, 2001**

Sam returned to her class after the appointment. She looked a couple of shades too pale, but she couldn't care the less. The envelope was safely tucked into her purse. She had to find a moment to think about this whole new mess she had gotten herself into.

"Hey, Isadora!" Matilda, one of the math teachers that was close to her age, shouted. When she finally heard her name being called, it brought her out of her confused mental state.

"Matilda, hey! What can I do for you?" Sam asked. Smiling at the woman who was still panting a little after rushing to catch her.

"Whew! I know you're still settling in and all. But the gang, that's all of us, single ones," Matilda grimaced. "We usually go out for the night on Fridays. So, we thought you might wanna join us? You know, get to know the gang? Have some fun…. Meet new people?"

"That's very nice of you, thanks." Sam smiled.

"But, you aren't coming," Matilda sighed, a bit disappointed.

"It's there a place you go to?"

"Yup, the Cranky Bottle." She beamed, Sam chuckled at the name. "I know, right? But we've been going there for ages now. It's quiet enough to talk and then wild enough to hook up if you're into that."

"Can I think about it?"

"Oh, sure… I mean, we don't want to pressure you into something you are not into or anything."

"You aren't… It's I still have some things to work out before I can think about going out."

"Sure. Oh, I'm late for my class. I gave you my number, right?"

"Yeah."

"Call me if you want to come, so we slow down at the beginning," Matilda winked and rushed away.

Sam took a deep breath and walked to her next class too. As she explained her class, her mind provided her with one truth. Emma Irvine and Isadora Willis had taken no one to their bed, and thus, a pregnancy would become suspicious to her handler, especially if she was pregnant out of the blue.

Sam considered it as she explained formulas she knew by heart and that she had used millions of times during her time at the SGC. Her students were looking at her, half in awe and half in boredom.

"Are we ever going to use this?" One asked from the back of the room. She gave them half a smile.

"If you are lucky… no." Her class laughed. "But, it's still part of what you need to learn, and most likely will be in your exams."

"And do you get lucky being a nerd?" Someone else asked her. Since she still couldn't identify her students, she just chuckled.

"Some nerds are luckier than others," she answered back. She liked her students. They weren't as strict as the bunch of kids she had taught at the academy. They loved to joke, and she had no issue following their lead. As long as that worked out well, she would allow it. "Now, you are all a bunch of unlucky ones, because the next thing is yet another formula you'll never use."

Sam arrived home late and plopped herself onto her bed. She took the stupid paper out of her purse and held it at arm's length.

"What the hell I'm going to do with you?" she asked. She grabbed her wedding band and held it tight. "Thank you, Jack."

She left the ring in the box with her personal belongings and showered. Then, she picked up her phone and searched for Matilda's number and waited for the other woman to pick up.

Isadora Willis could easily fall into the femme fatale mark. The clothes Sam found at the apartment were all super tight, and some were beyond sexy. The pencil skirts, silk blouses, and high heels she could do, but there were pieces of clothes in her wardrobe that were utterly ridiculous.

Matilda had dropped by after a while. Seeing her new friend in jeans and a tight blouse, sighed.

"Is that really what you're wearing?"

"Do I look bad?" Sam asked, looking down at herself.

"Nah, it's just… too plain? Sorry, I don't want to offend you or anything," Matilda grimaced. Sam noticed then the miniskirt and the transparent blouse that ended just below the bra that the other woman was wearing and sighed.

"I wasn't sure what to wear."

"Anything should work. Can I help you with it?" She asked. Sam moved away to let her in. "Nice apartment."

"Thanks." Sam led the way to her closet and allowed Matilda to go through it.

"You have such gorgeous clothes!" she said, with her head still inside. "Oh! I found the perfect thing," she said. Grabbing some things Sam had considered scraps of fabric before. "Here. With those, you are going to blend in perfectly."

"Kay, I'll be right out," Sam said, grabbing them. She struggled with them until she noticed she was in there for too long. She didn't know why she worried so much. The clothes Matilda picked out would only help her with her plan for the night.

"Whoa, with those abs, why aren't you showing them off?" Matilda said, grinning. The clothes she had picked were tights and a skirt that sat a bit too low on her hips for her liking. Along with a long-sleeved lace shirt that ended up below the dark bra she was wearing. She had seen singers wearing things like these on tv, and she'd thought it was a bit too revealing. Now, wearing them, she only confirmed her assumptions. "Let's go."

They reached the 'Cranky Bottle' in no time. Sam felt all eyes on her for a while. Soon, they had started drinking and Sam no longer felt she was the center of attention. Then Matilda dragged her to the dance floor. Several guys approached her, and she kept rejecting them. Until she found one that would work.

The man was taller than her, had brown eyes, a sculpted body, and brown hair. It wasn't Jack, but he'd do. She started the process of getting him drunk. When he took her home that night, he collapsed on her bed without even kissing her. She grinned.

She didn't have to betray her husband, not even having to kiss the other guy. Yet she'd managed to accomplish her mission. Now, if anyone asked, she could say she had a one-night stand with an unknown man. No one would be the wiser.

**Monday, May 7, 2001**

After his chat with Jacob, Jack had felt a bit lighter. He hadn't outright confessed he had married Sam. Jacob now knew they'd been happy for a few days and hadn't killed him.

He knew Sam would've joked about how afraid he was of her dad, but she'd been right. It wasn't because of who he was, but rather because Jack knew that man loved his daughter as much as he, himself, loved her. Just not in the same way!

His lips curved slightly up, surprising Daniel, who for once was sitting in front of him in Jack's office.

"Care to share it with the class?" Daniel asked, pushing his glass up to his nose.

"No, not really."

Daniel didn't push. Smiles coming from Jack were rare. Since Sam's departure, even the slightly curving of his lips was none existing.

"What about this one?" Daniel said, getting Jack's attention. "Geologist, minor in robotics and speaks seven languages fluently."

"Can he shoot and run?" Jack asked. He was reading his own file. Since Sam's departure, the archives of people who wanted to join SG-1 kept piling up on his desk. He was finding it extremely annoying.

"Why can't SG-1 have three members?" Teal'c asked. Raising his eyebrow as he read another file of someone he didn't believe would be as qualified as their Major.

"That's exactly what I said to Hammond!" Jack huffed. "But these things keep reproducing on my desk faster than I can read them."

"We all know that replacing Sam will be a huge task, don't we?"

"A highly impossible one," Teal'c agreed.

"No shit, Sherlock. Talk about huge shoes to fill in."

"I don't recall Major Carter having big feet," Teal'c pointed out, making Daniel grin.

"No, T. It means we need at least three people to fulfill all her place."

"Can SG-1 be a six members team?" Teal'c wondered.

"Argh, here's an idea. Why don't we just rotate them until we find someone that doesn't screw it up?"

"If you're happy with that, Jack, I'm fine with it too." Daniel grinned. "Want me to sell that idea to Hammond?"

"Yes, please. He'd never take it from me."

**Wednesday, May 9, 2001**

Things were beginning to settle down for Sam finally. She had an excuse for her pregnancy in case her handler mentioned it. The gang was cool.

There were no mentions of her out of character behavior. Sam had shaken her head at that because they really didn't know how out of character she was that night. They thought she was cool. Her students were friendly and liked her. And well, despite feeling hollow, broken, and alone, she was okay.

"Hi, Isadora," one of the many secretaries that worked at the college said entering Sam's class. "The Dean is back and wanted to have a few words with you since he was away when you were hired and all."

"Oh, okay," Sam smiled.

"Please, follow me."

There was something about the name written on the door that had Sam thinking hard. 'Edmund Seymour,' the name was weird enough that she would recall knowing him. At least that was what she thought.

"You can go in now." Sam knocked on the door out of custom and waited for the 'enter' before she opened the door.

"Dean Seymour…" she said. The man looked up and blinked several times.

"Doctor Samantha Carter, what an honor to have you here. What can I do for you?" He checked something on his computer and frowned. "I'm sorry I was waiting for Isadora Willis, a professor we hired a few weeks ago. So, I'm excusing myself ahead of time, if we get interrupted, Doctor Carter."

Sam gulped. Her mind running a mile per second.

"Ah, I was just in town… and I thought I could come by and congratulate you. The Astrophysics program you've developed here is amazing."

"Really? It's an honor to know that coming from someone so knowledgeable like yourself. How did you find out about our program, if I may ask?"

"Ah, Isadora. She and I go way back." Sam offered. As she tried to keep up with the man. At the first opening she had, she excused herself out of the meeting.

Without looking back, Sam rushed to the apartment she was just starting to call home. She grabbed the box of her personal belongings and took out the phone she was given. Turning it on, she searched the only number on it and dialed it.

"Someone identified me." She uttered.

" _53 Ridgewood Lane, Hutchins, Texas_." The voice on the other side answered before the line went dead.


	18. Chapter 18

**Wednesday, May 9, 2001**

Sam had gotten herself to 53 Ridgewood lane, Hutchins, TX, with her heart pounding in her ears. Her small box of personal belongings clutched tightly in her hands, even after a two hours' drive from Wichita Falls. It was not surprising for her when she found the safe house empty.

Inside there were car keys and an address for Baton Rouge, LA that would take her several hours to reach. There was a bag waiting for her with clothes, far more comfortable than she was wearing at that moment.

As she'd done before, she dragged herself to the shower. She cleaned herself before she donned a sweatshirt and jeans. Covering her hair with the hood, she got out and entered the car parked outside. Inside it, she found cash and an empty envelope in the glove compartment.

For a second or two, she wondered what would happen if she didn't appear at 841 Troutbeck Drive, Baton Rouge. If she chose to run away instead with the close to nothing she had now.

She decided it would be better if she had at least some safety net in place. Considering the kid she had on the way. Remembering the envelope still inside her purse, she stopped to the side of the road and tore it into little pieces before she continued moving. Feeling a bit guilty, she threw out of the window a few pieces every couple of miles until it was all gone.

When she finally reached her destination. The only thing she wanted was to sleep. This... whoever she would become once they came searching for her would become her fourth life to learn. If she was honest, it was still hard to try to forget who she knew she was. To become someone she wasn't.

"Will I ever forget who I was?" she wondered out loud, in the emptiness of the room. She touched her belly and grabbed her ring tightly. "For you guys, I'd better."

Thinking of Jack and the kid they had on the way, she fell asleep with tears falling from her eyes.

**Thursday, May 10, 2001**

"Emma! Are you here?" Someone called as the door of the two-bedroom house she was stuck in was opened. She thought she recognized the voice for a second, but they wouldn't send him again. Would they?

"Oh, Emma, I'm so sorry you must go through this again!" Logan said. When he found her in the kitchen. He hugged her tightly, and she let him. Emma was far more vulnerable than Sam, and Sam was in a desperate need of a hug from Jack. Logan would have to do for now. "Don't worry, dear, it usually happens a few times before we get it right."

"It sucks, Logan," she huffed. "I was just beginning to feel comfortable in her skin."

"Beginning?" Logan grinned mischievously. "Did something happen?" Sam blushed. She wondered if she could've been an actress if she hadn't been so set on becoming a USAF officer before.

"I ... kinda…"

"Tell me all about it?" He grinned. His eagerness reminded her of a bit of Daniel.

"Oh… it was just a cute guy…"

"Emma, please tell me you didn't…" Logan added some gestures. Sam blushed even more.

"I…," she grimaced. "Kinda had a one-night stand…"

"God, Emma! I mean, there's nothing wrong with having one occasionally. Or whenever you need someone, but… in your situation… it's tricky as hell. At least tell me you used protection."

"I think so, yeah."

"You think so?" He gulped. "Emma… that could be a shitload of trouble!"

"I know, I know… but, let's figure that one out when I'm whatever other porn star name you have for me now!"

"Porn star name?" Logan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Isadora Willis?" She added with a serious tone. He chuckled.

"Well… I have your new id here. If you want to know your new lucky name." He said, waving an envelope in front of her. She took it quickly and frowned.

"Really?"

"Told you it wasn't so bad," Logan said. Watching her looking at her id with glee in her expression. "What?"

"No... It's just that I always loved this name." She shrugged.

"Really?" Sam nodded. "Well, now you get to be one. The 'styler will be here tomorrow. So we can put pictures to the ones that need pictures added."

"Yes! This thing they gave me, it's terribly itchy!" Sam huffed.

**Monday, May 28, 2001**

' _Here's the thing, Sam. You need to forget who you are yourself and start being Emma. Don't pretend to be Emma, just be her.'_

_'Easier said than done.'_

Sam remembered fondly one of the first lessons Kira had taught her after she failed several times at behaving like 'Emma.' Now, on the verge of starting her journey under identity number 4, Sam knew Kira had a point then.

When she looked at herself in the mirror. She saw Parker Bennet staring right at her. She smiled. Parker was a nerd through and through. Sam had loved the way they had created her.

She grinned cheerfully as she placed the non-prescription glasses that Parker 'needed.' The styler was excellent too. Parker Bennet had a luxurious copper hair, with some darker shades that gave it some extra movement. Her hair had grown enough to leave it alone and was now cut in a weird bob.

The only thing that annoyed the hell out of Sam was the bangs that fell awkwardly over her eyes. But as Parker, she would make them work. Sam huffed, blowing some air to bring them out of her eyes. She took a deep breath and left the bathroom on the reception floor of the company she was going to work for.

It was an aeronautics company. She hoped that by not being on the astrophysicist side of the spectrum, she would last here long enough to 'realize she was pregnant'. Maybe even have her kid.

"Hi, you must be Parker," the receptionist said, the moment she spotted Sam.

"Yes, hi."

"Go right in, Mr. Ferguson is expecting you."

"Thanks."

Mr. Ferguson had observed her closely for a while. Then he shook his head. Soon, Sam was being shown to an office. Later, one by one, coworkers started to show up and introduce themselves. At the end of the day, Sam plopped herself in the one-bedroom apartment that she had this time around. She rubbed her ring and smiled.

"Oh, Jack. Maybe this one is home."

**Wednesday, May 30, 2001**

"Fuck this! Tell them to get us Sam back, General!" Jack growled. Daniel looked at him with eyes filled with compassion. "If anyone could make head or tails of that lab, it would be her!"

"Jack, you know I don't have control over that," Hammond sighed.

"Please, sir! They have to!" Jack pleaded. "If they don't bring her back, and Cassie ends up dying because of a stupid piece of tech that we're too dumb to figure out, I…" he stopped himself. Jack wasn't sure where he was going with it, but he knew. He just knew Sam would've been able to fix Nirrti's lab and by extension Cassie's condition. Jack huffed.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm just…" he waved off. Hammond nodded. All of them knew that Cassie was almost like their own kid to Jack and Sam. Everyone knew that if it weren't a matter of risking the girl even more. One of them would've taken her. Janet, thankfully, had offered a solution that worked for all of them.

Now, without Sam to support them. Without her knowledge of Goa'uld tech. They were grasping at straws, and they weren't succeeding.

"May I?" Jack nodded towards the door.

"Yes, Colonel. You can go."

Jack strolled down the corridor and soon found himself in front of the iso room in which Cassie was lying. She was beyond isolation due to the EM shield she was generating, and she looked so tiny inside the room.

He grimaced, rubbing his chest where his heart was aching painfully. Sam hadn't been there for Cassie's sixteen's birthday. She hadn't had a chance to flip out. When they found out that Cass got a kiss from Dominic, along with her birthday present before she collapsed on the floor.

She wasn't there to support Janet. Not even one of the times Cassie told her she wasn't her mother. She wasn't there to talk with Cassie and make her feel better. When all they'd said and done wasn't enough to keep her out of the mood, she was developing.

Jack knew Sam would be as worried as he was. She would feel as helpless as he felt when no one, not even Janet, couldn't do anything to help her. Janet, that he'd always thought, could find the cure for anything when came to them.

Jack straightened the moment the door was opened. Lowering his arm, not to show how bad he felt. Even if it transpired out of his stance.

"Jack." He sighed. Jack knew it would be Daniel since it couldn't be anyone else. At least, not the one he wanted Daniel to be.

"Not now, Daniel." Jack clenched his jaw tight.

"I know you are worried, but…"

"Daniel… if they don't get Sam here to help us with this, and Cassie dies… Then the government would've taken two people I love. And I won't have been able to do a damn thing to stop it."

"We'll get some answers, Jack. I'll swear to God, I will translate this as fast as I can. We will get it. We'll save her. We need to save her, so when Sam gets back. She can hug her instead of…" Daniel trailed off, not wanting to word it.

"Sam?" Cassie called from inside the room.

"What do I tell her now, Daniel? How do I explain to her that even on the brink of her death, Sam won't be here?" Jack sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose for a second before he walked inside the room.

It killed him that he had to explain something like this to Cassie, again. It killed him that he couldn't bring the one thing she wanted. The one thing that they all knew could help her. But he did. He took a deep breath, and he did it.

It killed him a few days later that he was happy that a Goa'uld was alive and free. Cassie was alive, thanks to that. Sam would still get to hug her whenever she got back.

**Thursday, June 28, 2001**

A month, that's how long Parker Bennet lasted. Sam was so surprised that it happened. She was still trembling when she arrived at 43 Hamilton St, New Orleans, a little over an hour later.

She entered the latest safe house. With her box clutched close to her heart and swore. Throwing her fake glasses angrily against the wall. She set about to prepare herself some tea and make something to eat.

As she munched the plain omelet, she had prepared for herself. Sam thought about the last week of Parker. That week she'd been given a much important task. They wanted her to improve some mechanical parts of the plane they were creating. It was right up to Sam's alley.

The techie that worked with her, an intern named Jordan Craig. Joked that she was even worse of a nerd than he was. He told her she should ditch the company and start one of her own. Sam had just laughed at it but kept that idea inside her range of possibilities. Maybe in the future, she could set something up and maybe free herself from her current predicament.

Sam did what she did best. She overworked to present the best course of action. An improvement that would leave them all speechless, and hopefully, would keep her in the job they had given her. That morning, she had dressed up fine. Surprising her coworkers who were used to see her in jeans, t-shirts, and running shoes, working all types of weird hours. Sam had walked in a nice, albeit cheap, suit.

Her eyes sparkled as she technobabbled, enticing, and enthralling all the members of the board. Then, someone asked a question. Sam smirked, she knew the answer by heart. She delved into explaining it without thinking of the possible consequences.

Sam was so deep into explaining one of her own published and accepted theories. That she didn't notice the room growing quieter at first, then the mumbling followed by frantic typing. She only noticed when Jordan tugged her arm.

Mr. Ferguson was looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"You seem to know this theory in awful detail, Miss Bennet," he said calmly.

"Yes, sir. I think it explains quite well how, what I've shown to you, will bring a real improvement in performance."

"That's the only reason why you know it so well?"

"I don't understand," Sam frowned, but alarms went off in her head. Her flight response was dying to be let out. Urging her to run away as fast as she could.

"Mr. Johnson here had told me that you look remarkably similar to the Doctor who theorized this. So, Miss Bennet, should we call you Doctor Carter?" Ferguson asked. Sam frowned.

"I have no idea why you would think I'm Doctor Carter. I, for once, was sure Doctor Carter was a guy." Sam offered with a shrug.

"Are you sure?" Ferguson asked. Turning around Johnson's heavy laptop. On the screen, a bad picture of Major Samantha Carter looked back at her. It was a bit blurry, but she could see herself, and there was no way to deny the similarities.

"Really? You think I look like her?" Sam tried. "She looks so… stuffy."

She had managed to finish the meeting an hour later. But the doubt of who she really was lingered in the air. She liked Parker Bennet, but at the moment she was confronted with Sam Carter's face. She knew Parker Bennet would need to retire.

She pretended not to be affected by the meeting and waited until lunchtime to rush home. She grabbed the box with her personal belongings. Searched the phone she was given and called the only number in the contact list.

" _43 Hamilton St, New Orleans,_ " was the last thing Parker Bennet heard.


	19. Chapter 19

**Friday, June 29, 2001**

This time 'Emma' didn't get Logan. Sam sighed when she opened the door only to find a short round woman looking up at her.

"I'm Lea," she said, moving past Sam. "I'll be your handler this time," she added. Taking an envelope Sam knew all too well and passing it to her.

"Your name will be Annabelle Jenkins," Lea said, in a rather dull voice. "We found you a job as a professor in one university, back in Alabama. You'll need to learn her life and do it soon. In a week, you need to be ready to take your job."

"A week?" Sam asked. "It's usually over two."

"Well, Miss Irvine. I was told this isn't your first life. So, you'd better learn it quickly."

Sam clenched her jaw tightly. As she grabbed her new life's folder and started to read. She didn't know what she disliked more. The fact that she only had a week or the annoying way that her handler behaved towards her.

"You act like it was my fault being stuck here," Sam hissed.

"It's always the witness fault. Usually for being too noisy, can't mind your own business."

Sam used all her training to keep herself from saying something she'd regret. After all, her new life approval depended on Lea. She wanted to get rid of the woman ASAP. She understood where the anger came from when she noticed the date.

They would be both stuck inside the safe house during the 4th of July.

**Wednesday, July 4, 2001**

As every year since the SGC had become the stable program that it was, General Hammond had always thrown a BBQ to celebrate the 4th of July. This year was no exception.

Since the moment he woke up, Jack tried to come up with an excuse not to go. He couldn't find any. So, a bit after ten, he left his home and set off towards the General's house.

He saw the smoke of the BBQ grill and smiled. A memory of Sam grinning like mad as she turned the fire on, flashed through his mind. He rubbed his chest and took a deep breath. It has been only a little over three months since she was gone. He still could see her every-fucking-where.

Jack parked his car in front of the General's house but didn't get out. He wondered how it would be for her to return after as little as three months. When so much had changed and yet so much remained the same.

He wondered what her expression would be, knowing they had almost lost Cassie. He considered what her actions would have been if she were stuck with them and the Russian team in that ziggurat he called a pyramid if only to annoy Daniel.

Jack gulped, wondering if she was there instead of Captain Hardy. Would've Sam survived? When Hardy didn't? Probably, he thought with a half-grin. She was always a step ahead of everything. Having two people capable of finding Goa'ulds, would've proven more worthy than an inexpert Captain that had spoken Russian but barely knew how to fire a zat. Jack wondered what she would think if he told her that her dad and Anise had found a way to explode a sun and bring down Apophis fleet.

He shook his head. Probably Tanith wouldn't have escaped if she was there. He wouldn't have to inform her, whenever she returned, that Narim had her voice as his house voice. Jack could almost see the uncomfortable smile and the blush that would cover her face. Then the overall sadness when he had to let her know that not only Narim had died a hero, but that the Tollans were no more.

Jack wondered if she would understand that he had allied with Maybourne. Of all the smarmy people he knew to retrieve a woman that looked like her. When a stupid millionaire confused Major Woods with Sam and kidnapped her to study her blood.

There's a knock on his window that takes him out of his wandering thoughts.

"Are you coming in? Or do you intend on spending the whole holiday looking lost inside your truck?" Daniel grinned.

"I was just thinking, Daniel…" Jack grimaced sadly. Daniel sighed.

Every day without Sam, Jack became a little more like the man from before. The man Daniel had met when this crazy adventure first began. He had started to wonder what would happen if Sam didn't appear soon. Daniel asked himself, not for the first time, if they would lose Jack too.

Jack shook his head and tried to focus on the present, to be his more lighthearted self. The weight of knowing that three months later, he was still no closer to bring her back, weighted heavily over his shoulders.

As the fireworks started later that day, Jack wondered if she was okay. If she was watching the fireworks in a safe place with new friends and faces. After three months, were they all-so-familiar and yet still too strange?

**Wednesday, July 4, 2001**

From the balcony of the apartment they were sharing, they watched as the fireworks went off. Lea had become a bit more amicable but still kept Sam at arm's length. Sam understood it was the effect of knowing so many people and then having to let them go.

"Lea," Sam said, not taking her eyes from the sky.

"Yeah?"

"Can we change my history a bit?" Lea frowned. Sam had thought about it for days. She hadn't had any control since she started this journey. Knowing she was somewhere between 10 to 12 weeks, she couldn't wait much longer.

"No," Lea stated.

"We'll need to," Sam said. In a tone, that had Lea narrowing her eyes and turning towards her.

"Why?"

"I think I might be pregnant."

"You think? You know when this could've happened?"

"A while ago, I think? I'm not very good with dates. To tell you the truth, all days inside the safe houses are like a blur. All the first few weeks outside have mixed together now." She lied.

"But you had sex?"

"Yes, I think the condom broke. It's been a while since I had a period."

"God. This could complicate things, Annabelle."

"I know."

"Let's talk about it tomorrow and see what we can do."

**Monday, July 9, 2001**

Annabelle Jenkins had long black hair. Courtesy of a wig that Sam had learned how to apply just during the weekend. She was pregnant. There was a late husband involved in the previous history. So artificial insemination was what they'd come up with. For Sam, it worked.

She was given a car and a small apartment near the faculty. She had an introductory interview with the professor in charge of her area that same morning. Annabelle wasn't Parker. Annabelle was so much more severe and unreachable. Sam could relate with her for their "shared past" involving a lost husband.

Sam walked through campus with eyes following her, like always. So lost in her own world of misery, she never noticed. She reached the office and stopped dead in her tracks. Cold sweat pooled in the small of her back, and her eyes widened.

"You must be Annabelle Jenkins," his secretary asked, with a smile. "Please, go on. The Doctor is waiting for you."

Sam nodded once. Knowing the chances that this was the first and last day of Annabelle was highly likely. She knew the name on the door but hoped he had forgotten all about her.

"Enter," his voice called, and Sam shivered. She opened the door slightly, and he raised his eyes toward her. He frowned in confusion.

"Doctor Samantha Carter?" he grinned. "You changed your hair and your name?" Sam's polite answer was kept in place out of years of practice.

"Blake," she said, offering him her hand. "I was tired of being the dumb blonde," Sam grinned, touching her long hair. "Also, I didn't want you accused of favoritism."

"Favoritism? I don't think anyone in this area of study, who would get to work with the famed S. Carter would be accused of favoritism, Sam. Can I still call you Sam, right?"

"Sure, Blake."

"I mean it, Sam. Every college and company in need of an Astrophysicist would jump at the chance of having you onboard. Not doing it would be plain stupid."

"That's flattering." Sam grinned a bit uncomfortable.

"It's the truth. So, how is your father?"

"Great," Sam said, not knowing if that was true anymore.

"And Mark?"

"Still married…" She trailed off.

"And you? Is this true about losing a husband? Or is it just a story?"

"It's half true."

"Well, I can put myself in the guys' shoes. I remember vividly the day you broke my heart. To this day, you are still the most beautiful woman who had ever held it."

"I'm sure I didn't break your heart, Blake. After all, I found you in our bed with another woman."

"It was just a fling. She was never you, no one ever was ever you. So, are you ready to work with me again?" Blake said, wriggling his eyebrows. Sam took a deep breath.

"Sure." Seeing the wedding band on his hand, made her unexpectedly sorry for his wife.

She toured the campus with him. His hand lingering uncomfortably close to her ass. But she still hadn't found the opportunity to get rid of him.

"Well, Sam. It was wonderful spending the afternoon with you. I know we'll be seeing a lot more of each other now. So, dinner tonight?" A smirk on his face, like he'd be back in her bed tonight.

"Sure," she said.

Finally away from Blake, she turned around, took a deep breath. Then rushed back to the home that had only lasted her two nights.

**Friday, September 21, 2001**

"Fuck!" Sam said, slamming the door as she entered the latest safe house. Logan was already there. He jumped when he heard her.

"Fuck indeed," he said, looking at her.

"God, Logan. Someone needs to start making better background checks before they send me out. Or my child will have a very confusing childhood."

"Emma, I told you when you came back to us two names ago. That you'd be better off if you got rid of it!"

"Never."

"Oh, come on, Emma! It's not like it was conceived in a lasting, loving relationship! It was a fucking one-night stand! Or that's what you told me!" Logan looked at her, trying to look into her soul. To see if she was lying to him.

"It's a life, Logan!" Sam huffed. Looking at the floor, embarrassed. "I already took enough lives as it is."

"Whatever floats your boat, Emma," he sighed.

Sam tried to make herself comfortable on the couch. Logan took two envelopes out instead of the usual one.

She was a day away from entering week twenty-eight of her pregnancy. The baby was growing rapidly, and she was getting more uncomfortable in her own body by the minute. Sleep was always an issue for her. Now it was almost impossible. The only comforting thing in her life, at this point, was her baby's kicks. It was calming for her to keep track of them. As the last Doctor had asked her to do.

Adding to the stress of her pregnancy. Sam had already flown past Hannah Stevens, Emily Konstantin, and Nadine Gomez. If she was honest, she was getting tired of pretending. She was missing her friends terribly. There wasn't a moment of the day in which she didn't miss Jack or think about him.

She had reached the point that Emily Konstantin had dialed Jack's home number from a burner phone. Just to hear his voice.

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel about kindergarten?"

"It's been a long time since I've been there," she huffed. "Why?"

"Look, I asked for two sets this time. One that will keep you in your field of expertise and one that won't. I know it's easier if you get a job that you are prepared to do. But when they said it was you again. I thought at this point, you would want something that could actually be stable…."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Well, this one… you become Mara Anderson. It's yet another college professor position. Which it has proven time and time again, that you were too good at what you did."

"Gee, thanks. Now I feel like the one thing I'm good at, it is a bad thing." Sam huffed.

"That's why I asked for this one. Morgan Reynolds is a kindergarten teacher. That has decided she would like to become a nurse. Once her child is born. If you are interested, we can arrange some quick lessons. So you can learn what it takes to be a kindergarten teacher."

"You mentioned her wanting to become a nurse?"

"Yes. If you manage to be Morgan until after you pop out that baby… Morgan has some funds and the proper connections to go for that."

Sam considered it for a while. She liked kids. She didn't know if she could handle a bunch of them for hours, but she could try. She was trained with some medical knowledge, and her years assisting Janet had added up to more.

"Morgan Reynolds, huh?" she grinned. Logan knew she'd made her choice. "There wasn't a name that sounded less like a stripper?"

"Well, Morgan. Thank God, you chose to play with kids instead," Logan grinned. "Are you sure about it?"

"What's the worst thing that can happen? I return again in search of yet another name?"

"Pretty much."

"Then, let's do it. I'll be the best Morgan Reynolds the world has ever seen!"

"That's the spirit!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Wednesday, October 10, 2001**

"I think it has potential, Morgan," Logan said with a soft smile, touching her caramel hair. "Maybe this time, goodbye is for good," he said. Giving her the plane tickets and details she would need to get to her next life.

"I hope so, Logan," she smiled, rubbing her belly.

She was seven months pregnant now, but it was not so obvious. The last doctor that checked her, told her two days ago, that her baby was looking like a big and healthy girl. The doctor had also been surprised to learn Sam was thirty weeks along. Since her bump wasn't as noticeable as he'd expected for someone so far along.

"Gee, and here I thought you liked me," Logan grinned.

"I do, but I don't want her going through the issue of getting a new name every two weeks."

"Yeah, I get it. Got all your stuff?" Sam took a deep breath and looked around the room.

She knew her most precious things were safely locked inside her now bigger suitcase. At least, whoever in the agency that was dealing with her case, had thought about her baby too. So, along with some things for herself. The suitcase contained some baby clothes that would come in handy soon enough. It also showed they hoped this change was a stable one.

"Let's go. I'm driving you to the airport."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's on my way."

True to his word, Logan dropped her and her suitcase off at the airport. She now was about to fly across the country. To her utter discomfort, they gave her three stops too. In what seemed ages later, she finally got to her destination.

She walked out of the Albany International Airport in Vermont. Towards the car she knew was waiting for her somewhere in the parking lot. She spotted the gray sedan that looked exactly like several of the cars she'd drove during her several lives. In the two hundred and eleven days since Jack had dropped her at that first safe house.

Walking around it. She removed the key from the tape that held it to the cover of the back wheel. As she opened the trunk someone rushed to help her with her suitcase. She smiled a thank you.

"Welcome to Albany, Ma'am." The man said. She rubbed her hands to get them warm. "You should get some gloves, ma'am. The weather, it only gets worse from here on out."

"I will. Thanks." She smiled. Soon, she turned the engine and blasted the heater. She got out of the parking lot, only to stop a few miles outside the airport. She opened the glove compartment and got her new address out of it.

"Fuck, this got to be a sick joke." She said. "Oh, well, baby girl. You'll remind me of him anyway, won't you?" She said out loud. As she dropped the file on the passengers' seat. She grabbed the paper containing the directions she would need to get to 258 Summer St, Springfield, VT.

**Saturday, October 20, 2001.**

Morgan Reynolds had completed her second week of work the previous day. It wasn't anything like Sam had thought she would do in any version of her future. She wondered if there was a reality somewhere, where she was a kindergarten teacher, out of her own free will.

She never thought there was so much work involved. Sam never considered how patient she could be. She was also surprised that no one seemed to care that she was about to become a single mother. Everyone at school seemed to be ecstatic to have finally a teacher to fulfill that position.

This time around, along with several long caramel hair wigs with some butterscotch highlights, they provided her with a year worth of brown contact lenses. They also gave her a spacey four-bedroom, two-bathroom house to live in.

With all the space in the privacy of her house. Sam could still feel the oppressive loneliness sweeping through her body, like some nasty poison. To add to it, some parts of the town reminded her of that one day being Mrs. O'Neill in Jack's town. It was proving to be that hardest part to digest.

It was a Saturday. So she didn't have anywhere else to be. The bed was comfortable enough not to want to get up. She shook her head, as she fought with the need of wallow in her sorrows. She stared at the now almost familiar ceiling on top of her head.

The changing houses' situation reminded her of her childhood. How she'd become a loner until her academy days. It sometimes surprised her, how she'd bonded so quickly with everyone at the SGC. She gasped for air as she remembered them. She opened her bedside table drawer and took out her treasures.

She thought of Teal'c, Daniel, Janet, and Cassie. God, Cassie turned sixteen, and she wasn't there. She hoped her friends were okay. That they hadn't ended up in one of those especially nasty missions they seemed so prone to.

Her lips curved slightly as she imagined the moment that a wormhole connected and Walter announced, 'It's the Tok'ra'. How Jack would make that disgusted face that would only go away if it was her father walking down the ramp.

"Holy Hannah!" She exclaimed, covering her mouth with a hand. Her dad. Did he know that she'd disappeared from their lives two-hundred-twenty-one days ago? God, she was so screwed.

Would she ever get a chance to see them all again? She wondered. She trusted Jack and the guys to get rid of the Goa'uld. She knew that if someone could help the Tok'ra; it was them. The NID rogues… That was another can of worms. How would they find out what the hell happened inside the country when they were most of the time fighting off-world?

Was someone even looking out for those guys?

Her baby kicked her then, and she rubbed her stomach lovingly. She took a deep breath. With a smile, she decided that Morgan Reynolds was a safe front. One that would cover what she had gained as Parker Bennet.

"We can't let them try to fix everything, can we baby girl?" She said standing up and rubbing her belly. A kick confirmed her girl agreed.

**Saturday, October 27, 2001**

After making up her mind. Sam decided she couldn't wait until Thanksgiving to get the ball rolling using the holiday as a cover. Besides, she knew every day traveling around would get more complicated because of her status.

So, the previous Sunday she drove the twenty minutes that separated her from Claremont, NH. The teachers she spoke with told her it was a beautiful drive. Sam needed to get out of town to get a burner phone and place a call. As she was driving back. She turned on one of the burner phones she'd got there. She dialed a number she forced herself to learn not that long ago.

"Hey. It's me. Are you still up for what you offered?" she asked. Her heart fluttered when the answer was yes. "I need to set it up. I'll call you soon."

She drove back. Detouring on Main Street to grab a cup of tea and some pastries. Also, getting rid of the phone that was burning her pocket.

That week went by too slowly for the inner wreck she was. To the outside world, nothing seemed different with the introvert teacher. Earlier that day, Sam drove all the way to Boston, MS. Boston it was barely over two hours away by car and was the perfect city for what she needed to do.

With that many people on the streets, being unknown was a piece of cake. She went into several stores. Buying what she needed, using the cash they had left for her at the house. She knew what she was getting was not exactly what the cash was for.

But she also had found a way to cover the things the money was for. She spoke around the school. Inquiring about used baby items. Her fellow teachers were generous with barely used baby clothes. The teachers also knew people who had beautiful used baby furniture. The assistant principal had given her a matching rocking chair for the nursery. The Springfield people's generosity had truly touched Sam. She soon found the only baby item she needed was a car seat.

With everything, she needed safely tucked in her car, including several dozens of burner phones. She headed back home. It was late at night when she returned. She was still wired up from what she needed to do. She brought everything in. Placing it all in one of the empty rooms of her house. Setting up the computers she so desperately needed.

**Wednesday, December 5, 2001.**

Her phone, a second-hand Nokia 8250, vibrated in her pocket. That phone only contained the numbers of other teachers, or parents that she somehow ended up knowing. No one ever called or messaged her.

The kids were napping, so she took it out of her pocket and checked. 'Gate feedback protocol. Unknown error' the message said. Her eyes widened for a second. She thanked God that she had thought about three things.

She rushed to her desk. Where the burner phone she planted there before was waiting for her. The message came from the software she had created since she got her new setup. One that hacked into the SGC computer using its own safety protocols, so it wouldn't raise any alarms.

Now, the third one. That was the one she doubted the most at first, but she knew she had to have. She dialed the number she needed with her heart beating wildly in her throat.

"Kill the gate." She said. Holding her breath until she got a simple 'done,' as an answer. "Whatever they try, don't let them engage until I get back to you."

She took a deep breath. What the hell could've happened in the base? She wondered.

**Wednesday, December 5, 2001.**

"Sir, the gate won't engage," Walter said, with a frown.

"Do we know why?" Hammond asked. Jack looked at him apprehensively.

"No, sir. I'm not sure if it's the unknown error or why this is happening." Walter grimaced. Knowing he was too close to feeling Colonel O'Neill's rage.

Teal'c was missing. Captain Porter, Daniel, and Jack assured the General that Teal'c was right behind them. Something had happened. The wormhole collapsed before Teal'c showed up.

Porter, an Air Force computer geek, told them with a shrug. "Why don't we try to gate back, sir? Maybe set up a MALP to cross and see if we get any clues?" So, that was what they were trying to do. When Walter announced that the first chevron was engaged. He also told them about an error popping up. Before the seventh chevron could lock, the gate shut off with no prompting on his part.

"Any of you know what this unknown error could mean?" Jack asked loudly. To the crew of people who usually helped Sam keep the gate running. They all exchanged a glance until Walter sighed.

"There's only one person who would know, sir."

"Carter," Jack said. Clenching his jaw as the technical crew nodded.

Hours went by, and they still didn't know what the error meant. They still didn't know where Teal'c was. Used to thinking on his feet, Daniel had already requested Hammond to speak with the President. To see what their chances were of using the Russian gate to at least recover the other teams off-world.

Daniel joined Davis on a trip to Russia. While Colonel Simmons made his way into the SGC. Bringing a peace offering of sorts.

"Colonel O'Neill. This is Doctor Rodney McKay." Hammond introduced him. For some unknown reason, Jack already disliked him.

"He's the foremost expert on the Stargate," Simmonds said. Jack almost lost it.

Jack wasn't sure how his jaw was still attached to his face. How it was possible that he still has teeth. He'd been clenching his jaw so tightly that he isn't sure he'll be able to speak properly again.

The only thing this McKay figured out hours later was that Teal'c might be lost for good. Since the computer mainframe, had only captured some signal and hadn't had a chance to reintegrate the Jaffa. "So, he could still be there somewhere in our mainframe," Porter, who also was their current expert on the supercomputers of the SGC, said then. A ray of hope blossomed in Jack's chest until McKay spoke again.

The stupid guy with a huge ego wanted to restart the Stargate. Without even trying to save Teal'c. Jack was certain that if Sam was around, this whole situation, like many others, would have been solved quickly.

"General please, this kid probably doesn't know how to wash his own hands!" Jack complained. Pointing towards Rodney. General Hammond didn't like what McKay was saying, either. Porter at least presented some hope to the Colonel's beat-up mind.

"I don't care what you think, Doctor. If there's a chance that Teal'c is alive, try it." Hammond said before dismissing him. Hammond's internal phone went off then. He picked it up with a sigh.

"Hammond." Just like Jack's jaw is struggling with the excess of clenching. Hammond's brow is currently doing a great imitation of a Shar-pei, with wrinkles over wrinkles. He lowered the phone down, looking at Jack.

"There's a guy at the front entrance, claiming he can help with our issue with the gate. He's demanding to speak with Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond, or Doctor Daniel Jackson. They are searching his things and running a background check as we speak. They will lower him to one of the safe levels."

Half an hour later, Jack is sitting in front of a kid. The guy can't be older than twenty-five. He's pushing his glasses in the same way Daniel does.

"Who are you?"

"I thought you already ran a background check." He says.

"Humor me, will ya?" Jack sighs tiredly.

"I'm Jordan Craig. I'm a programmer working at Ferguson Avionics."

"What are you doing here, Jordan?"

"She said, you needed help."

"She?"

"I don't know her real name," he shrugged.

"So, let me get this straight. She, whoever she is, sends you here, with some wacko story that something is wrong with a gate inside this mountain. You came here even though you don't know her name? Why would you trust her at all?"

"Dude! How could I not trust the Grand Empress of hacking?" Jordan blinked. Then he sighed. "I think the idea of a gate inside the mountain is wacko, too. She said it didn't matter what I believe. That it mattered that you believe in me."

"No kidding. What else she said?" Jordan blushed. "Out with it, kid."

"She said, I needed to whisper it to you. That no one else could hear it," Jordan shrugged. Jack sighed and got closer. "She said, I never thanked Harper for the red underwear." The kid blushed again. "I swear, I don't know what that means, sir."


	21. Chapter 21

**Wednesday, December 5, 2001.**

Sam rushed out of school the moment the last kid was out of her classroom. She had hurriedly delivered all the things she needs to send to the principal's office. In one of the most crowded areas of the school, she dropped the burner phone in a bin. Then she jumped into her car and drove home as fast as she could. It didn't raise any suspicions, because Sam had learned that most teachers ran for the door as soon as the last bell rang.

She reached home. Threw her bag on the couch by the entrance, before walking into her office. She knew at any point in her daily life, someone from the program could barge inside her house. To check up on her. So, she'd reorganized the computer they gave her with the parts she'd bought. The only noticeable change was that now it kept had two screens instead of one.

To be on the safe side. She also created a program to check and keep busy with anything that could eavesdrop on her PC. But the most important thing was creating enough connections at different locations, so her connection to the server she kept both hers and its location unknown.

She opened her software and connected it to several addresses. Getting several hundreds of IPs and MAC addresses to jump into the background before she connected to her server. Then she opened the software she needed.

Her second screen filled with the CCTV footage of the SGC, but she couldn't see what the hell was happening.

"Fuck," she muttered. Once she spotted the man sitting in her former lab, playing with her former laptop. "McKay. What the hell are you doing there?" She asked herself. She had met the annoying man before. On a visit to Area 51. He had this awful habit of being condescending to everyone, mostly because he thought he was smarter than everyone.

She noticed the linking software blinking on the other screen. She opened it and sighed. Jordan was panicking _._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"You need to calm down."_ /;

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"Get out. I have it now. I'll contact you if I need you."_ /;

She looked at the text and shook her head at the name he set for her.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"K."_ /

After that exchange. Sam tried to figure out what was going on, but the information was sorely lacking. All she knew amounted to nothing. She took a deep breath when Jack appeared on one of the cameras. She could barely control her emotions.

She could try to figure out what was going on from poor quality footage. Plus the little going on inside the SGC network. But could she figure it out before McKay did something they all would regret?

She brought up the software that she and Jordan wrote together to set the SMS messaging alerts to her phone. Something that could be easily changed when she changed phones again. She changed the settings to point it at him and added the text. "Get online."

The linking software was flashing. As Sam returned to the room, after a quick bathroom break.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"I'm here."_ /;

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"I have secured you a ticket to Colorado Springs."_ /;

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Dude, what?"_ /;

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: " _I can't figure out what's going on. I need eyes in there."/;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Don't you have like 1k cams live?" /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"It's not enough." /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"So, what? I go knocking somewhere and tell them what exactly?" /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"You get yourself to Cheyenne Mountain Complex. When you get there, tell them you want to speak with General Hammond, Colonel O'Neill, or Doctor Daniel Jackson. Tell them you know there's something wrong going on with the gate inside the mountain." /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"xD . A gate inside a mountain. That's wacko." /;_

Sam looked at the message and chuckled. Well, the kid was right; it sounded weird.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Wait! You're serious!" /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"I am." /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Well, fuck." /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"xD" /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Not funny. K, if I go… what do I say if they get me to one of those dudes?" /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"Colonel O'Neill won't believe you. " /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Then why am I going?" /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"When he doesn't believe you, you need to whisper for his ears only that: I never thanked Harper for the red underwear" /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"The fuck I will! It's a Colonel! He will kill me. Whoever this dude is." /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"I promise I'll take care of you. If I need to. But trust me, nothing will happen." /;_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: " _If he believes me then… then what?" /;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"You patch me through. I'll take care of the rest. Even if you're not sure they believed you. Just ask for your computer and patch me through." /;_

Sam waited for a while. Maybe she'd asked too much from this guy. Maybe she was risking too much with this. There weren't cars outside her windows, nor had her tracking system showed her being tracked. She sighed.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"Ok. I'll go." /;_

**Wednesday, December 5, 2001.**

Jack entered the other room. Where Hammond was watching the interrogation happening.

"It's her, sir" Jack stated. Not daring to mention the name he wanted to. For fear, it would bring up a lot of things that shouldn't or couldn't be mentioned.

"Her?" Hammond frowned.

"Yeah." Jack nodded. Somehow Hammond understood, Jack believed Samantha Carter had sent this kid their way.

"Jack. I know you want her to be here solving our issues, but we don't know where she is."

"We don't. He doesn't either, but she contacted him. Asked him to come. Fuck, sir! He said she paid for the ticket here, too."

"Jack. Even if she sent him. We can't tell him anything about what's going on, not when it affects the lower levels."

"Hey! Listen! If you give me back my computer. I can connect you with her," Jordan shouted then.

Jack looked at the kid, then at Hammond. "Sir, what do we have to lose? If it's," he gulped. "Her. Then she might be able to help us. I don't believe the NID would send us some kid when we have Simmons here. That guy could've brought him, as he did with McKay."

"Give him his computer. Get Porter in there with you. We want to make sure we don't get our computer hacked before we can retrieve Teal'c."

Twenty minutes later, Jordan is sitting between Jack and Porter as he writes the things he needs to connect to her server.

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"It's about damn time!"/;_

It's the first message that Jordan reads once he connects their liking software.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _"I'm here. Aren't I?"/;_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _"Took you long enough, xD. Still hardheaded, Colonel? "/;_

Jordan turned the computer towards Jack and pointed at the message.

"Just skip these parts," Jordan says pointing to the _& tn:GrandEmpress:&te_: and _& tn:Jnerd:&te_ at the start of every message. "It's just our communication protocol. After the te: you'll see the message."

Jack frowned, looking at the screen. The tip of his lips curling slightly as the words " _Still hardheaded, Colonel?"_ became clear to him.

"How do I answer?" Jack asked. Jordan moved the laptop to show him how, before turning it back to Jack.

_"Seems so. Watcha doing?" he wrote._

_"What's going on there?"_ Jack clenched his jaw. Wondering if he should tell her. Whoever she is, what's going on inside Cheyenne..

_"Tell me something only you could know?"_

_"Jack…"_

_"Everyone with access knows my name."_

_"Does everyone know that you have a ticklish spot on the inner side of your left knee?"_

_"It's you."_

_"Yeah. What's going on?"_ Jack took a deep breath. _"Whatever you say here, I'll delete all traces of this later on. Jordan knows squat about anything SGC related, by the way. Some things are better if they remain classified."_

_"We don't know. T might or might not be trapped inside the memory buffer of the gate. Daniel is in Russia dealing with politics"_

_"Are you asking for their DHD?"_

_"No."_

_"You should. It might help to bypass some safety protocols built into the program."_

_"I'll guess I tell Danny-boy to add it to the shopping list."_

_"Jack… There's a chance he's already gone."_

_"I won't believe that, not until we've tried everything."_

_"Do we have someone you trust enough to help us with the gate?"_

_"Captain Porter."_

_"Let me clean up this chat. Then you can hand me over to him. Jack…"_

_"Ok."_

_"I love you. Jack."_ Jack gasped for air. When he blinked, the whole chat was gone. _"Porter?"_

He handed over the computer to Porter. Knowing that she wouldn't say anything else about them. So, it was best if the Captain had her concentrating on the issue at hand.

During the next several hours, everything became even crazier. After his chat with Sam, Jack was so wired that Hammond ordered him out. Maybourne contacted him. Simmonds tried to blackmail Hammond. Things seemed to be all over the place. He couldn't help to remember those three little words. That blinked at him for less than a second.

He wasn't sure what was going on inside the base. Other than that, they moved the Jordan kid to a private room in the higher levels. The kid was still under Porter's surveillance. As Jack went around to find a Goa'uld. One who could have the solution to their issue. When he knew what that was, he called Porter.

"Thank God, Colonel," Porter said. "They were headed down to the control room to restart the SGC activities. All I know is that Grand Empress will try to keep the gate disengaged. She said she doesn't know how long she can keep going before she needed a break."

Jack explained to the Captain what he knew. Knowing that his last chance of speaking to Sam again was now close to zero. He knew the moment they could solve this issue. She would clean all the traces of ever being around.

He was right. Once he arrived on base, there're no traces of her connection. Not only that, but she'd also wiped Jordan's computer clean from her end. The kid seemed devastated, but there was nothing he could do. The only thing Jordan found on his now empty desktop was a document containing the details of his flight back home.

With nothing to keep him, they let Jordan go.

After over fifty hours since his return. Jack finally drops himself in his bed that night. Not before he had a hot shower and dropped a spray of Sam's perfume on his pillow. He wonders as he embraces it tightly to his chest, how he survived this shit he calls life. When the only joy he gets comes from three stupid words that disappeared as fast as he read them.

She is alive. She is watching them. His mind provides him with this reassuring mantra. For once, Jack falls asleep and dreams of a pleasant future.

**Sunday, December 9, 2001**

Sam had grown a distaste for Decembers. When her mother passed away on a December 9th all those years ago, with only twenty days left until she turned 14th. That date had changed all she knew about life. Had changed her dad, Mark, and even herself.

The first holidays without her mom had proven a hell that repeated year after year. Until she moved out of her dad's house and into the academy dorms.

When she was free of hellish traditions. She stopped celebrating them. She was good at avoiding Christmas parties and New Year's Eve celebrations. Even better at not mentioning her birthday.

Four years ago, things had changed. Janet had her, Teal'c, and Daniel over for Christmas dinner. As if she was herding all the lost souls of SGC. The same thing happened on New Year's Eve. They had somehow learned the date of her birthday. Daniel swore he wouldn't let the next one go by unnoticed.

Daniel was the one in charge of reminding everyone about the other's birthdays. Not that she had forgotten one once she learned it. It was more related to remembering what date it was than remembering what it meant. Now that she had to live a calendar life. It was impossible for her not to know today, was another year without her mom.

The day only brought more pain to her already empty life. Bringing memories of what she'd lost. Of all those things she couldn't have. It tempted her to connect herself to the server. To see if she could get a glimpse of Jack. But she didn't.

She had entered it only to return all the things she had 'erased' from Jordan's computer. She knew that had to happen, the moment she'd asked Jordan to go to Cheyenne.

Now, she felt the weight of seeing their feed. The realization that she wasn't there. That after everything they had done, the actual help came from a Goa'uld and not her. It was a bucket of cold water over the fire of her hopes. If she couldn't help with something she knew so well, as the internal workings of the gate. What were her chances of getting the nitty-gritty of the NID?

She rubbed her belly tiredly. "Oh, baby girl. Do we even have any hope left?" she whispered. A swift kick was what she received.

"Okay, okay. Whatcha say if we go shopping then?" She grinned. There's another kick. For some reason, Sam had always considered those kicks like 'yes'. Maybe it was a way for her mind to create some positive vibes around a very dark moment.

She grabbed her keys and walked out. As the day was ending, and Main Street was slowly shutting down, Sam spotted a church. In a spur-of-the-moment action. She dropped the few things she had purchased for her baby. Heading for the church.

After her mother's passing, Sam had never connected with the faith she once had. The ring that still hung from her necklace was one of the few reminders of the times she had gone to mass. She wondered. Once she reached her house later that night. If her visits to churches were a symbol of something coming to an end.

She showered. Getting the remainders of the frigid December weather that chilled her bones, out of her body. Sam hopped in bed and caressed her belly. As she did every time, she needed something to ground her. Things were about to change for her, and she knew it. She knew the moment the baby came, things would never be the same.

She vowed then to do anything in her power to protect her child. Even if that meant she needed to distance herself from the contents of the server she could access from the computer downstairs.

As her lids got heavier. Sam wondered, not for the first time if Jack would meet his baby girl at some point in their lives. She never felt the soft kick as she had succumbed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't answered any of your comments -.-'  
> Hopefully, this chapter does it for me.  
> Maybe it doesn't...


	22. Chapter 22

**Wednesday, December 12, 2001.**

There were still two days before Sam reached the forty-week mark of pregnancy. Yet, judging by what had just happened. The baby had other plans. Her water broke as the first of the contractions hit her strongly.

She grabbed the hospital bag she had prepared, and her purse. Then, she searched for the one phone she needed. She dialed the only number in there. When she heard them pick up, she groaned, "the baby is on its way." As they'd instructed her before when she left the safe house and became Morgan.

Checking the time between contractions. Sam considered whether she should drive herself to the hospital. It was over fifteen miles away. She could always stop if she needed to. Being by herself, she thought it would be better if she walked herself into and out of the hospital. She smiled at the last thought. Getting out of the hospital, as things were, meant that her little-girl would come home with her.

It was still early in the morning. So Sam decided she would call the school, to let them know she wouldn't be available. Once someone was in the office to take her call. Half an hour later, the nurse who was helping her mentioned that her OB/Gyn was on the way.

It was her Doctor, who placed the call to the school. He dialed the Principal's personal number. While he told her they knew each other from their school days. Once they settled her job issue, he asked her to walk around to get herself dilated enough.

At 1900 on December 12, 2001, her girl shouted her lungs out for the first time. Sam was exhausted. The pain she went through was worse than anything she had felt before. Plus, there was no one there to share it with. Not the pain, nor the joy as they placed her baby on her chest.

One nurse took the baby away to clean her up and check her. While a second nurse cleaned Sam as much as she could, before dimming the room lights and prompting her to sleep.

When she woke up, Sam wasn't alone. She blinked tiredly, trying to focus on what was going on. In a chair beside her bed, Kira was holding her baby.

"Kira?" Sam asked. Confused as she noticed her first-ever handler cradling her newborn daughter.

"Hey, you're awake! This one is gorgeous! But if I remember correctly, I mentioned you shouldn't do anything stupid. Getting pregnant was on that list, wasn't it?" She grinned.

"Yeah," Sam smiled. "What are you doing here? I thought I wouldn't see you ever again."

"That was the plan. Until you got knocked up. You are not the first one who got a baby under the program," Kira rolled her eyes.

"What does that mean?" Sam frowned.

"Listen, I just need the name you want her to have. You know, if you ever get back to your life." Kira smiled knowingly. "I got all the other data covered."

"You do?"

"Yup. Still, we need to add a real certificate for her to your original file. So we have a basis to create her fake ones from if she ever needs another one." Kira explained.

"Parker McKenna," Sam said after a while.

"McKenna?" Kira raised an eyebrow.

"I like the meaning," Sam shrugged.

"Okay, Parker McKenna," she shrugged back. "And let me guess, last name O'Neill?" Kira grinned mischievously.

"No. Just Carter," Sam said.

Parker was Jack's daughter. There was no other explanation. However, the NID was still a threat and a folder containing the daughter of both Sam and Jack was extremely dangerous. Not only for her, or Jack… but for the innocent child. Sam was sure the NID knew exactly where and who she was. So there was no way in hell she would give them more information than she should.

"It was an accidental thing that happened on my first life out," Sam sighed. "I forgot I was out of birth control by then," she finished with a shrug.

"Ah, nothing like a fling to forget. I hope it was worthy," Kira grinned. "No worries, I'll make sure her file is complete. She's beautiful, congratulations."

"Thanks."

"The name is Jessica, by the way. She's Jessica Marie Reynolds."

Sam nodded.. Feeling a surge of rage boiling inside her. They had allowed her to pick her baby's name, but they named her anyway. With something suitable for their plans.

As Kira walked away. Sam considered all the things they had taken away from her. Burying it all in a dark warehouse in an unknown location. Her career, her life, her husband, her family, her friends, and now, her own baby's name. All of them erased by every single letter that comprised the first damn folder that Kira had made her learn.

"I will bring you down, stupid NID. I don't care how, but I will." She hissed.

**Saturday, December 22, 2001**

"Well, another magnificent job, and just in time for the holidays too," Hammond said, clapping his hands cheerily. "You're all dismissed, and I don't want to see any of you until January!"

"Happy Holidays, General," someone said, and they chanted it around the room. Soon, the briefing room that was previously filled to the brim with several teams had slowly vacated. The high spirits of the holidays being shared by all but one.

Jack clenched his jaw as he stood up and attempted to make his way out. Several officers were blocking the way out towards the General's office. So Jack quickly detoured for the control room stairs. He nodded to the few airmen that remained there.

He pushed his hands deep inside his pockets and strolled down the corridor. Hoping to beat the crew who was trying to get to the locker room. Some were even heading straight topside. He pressed the only button by the doors and sighed.

Jack observed the floor tiredly. The weight of the holidays dragging him too close to his breaking point. He needed to get out. He needed air and to clear his mind. What he really needed was her. A smile, a glance, her laughter, her sexy giggling... any of those stupid things would help him out of the hole he was in.

"Jack!" Daniel shouted, and he flinched. He'd hoped to make his way out, without having to deal with anyone else. "Jack!"

"Daniel," he added grimly.

"Jack. I'm sorry with all the excitement going on up there. I totally forgot I haven't even asked you if you had any plans for the holidays."

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"You do?" Daniel frowned.

"Yup." He said, entering the elevator. Daniel followed.

"What are these plans of yours?" He questioned with a worried frown.

As Jack had guessed, the elevator went only as far as the next floor before the doors opened. Jack took a step back, allowing others to join them. Daniel knew it was mostly so he wouldn't ask again. No one spoke. It was as if someone took the air out of the tiny space as the door closed.

No one wanted to end up on the grim side of one Colonel O'Neill. Everyone also knew he was constantly there since SG-1 had lost one of their original members. That they kept changing officer after officer was only more proof of how difficult it was to fill the shoes of the one who had left. The one no one couldn't name without getting a glare or sending the team leader into some sort of mourning stance.

When the doors finally opened at level 25, Jack walked out. Daniel could've sworn people started breathing again, once Jack was out. Shaking himself at the last second, he placed his hand between the doors to stop them from closing.

"Sorry," he said and rushed behind his friend. "Jack!"

"WHAT!" Jack shouted. He took a deep breath, rubbing his face tiredly with a hand. While he threaded the other one tiredly through his hair.

"I…" Daniel tried. Only to end up on the receiving end of Jack's glare. "You're going to the cabin, aren't you?"

"That's why you followed me? To ask me the most obvious thing, one that anyone who knows me would know?"

"I…" Daniel started, but he met Jack's raised hand. His other one now pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I can't do this, Daniel," he said. Turning around and walking to his quarters. It took Daniel a whole second to react. In his second chance to damage his hand that day. Daniel stretched it to stop him from closing his door.

"Jack. You can't go to the cabin." Daniel stated. Once he was inside Jack's quarters, and the door was closed behind them. Jack turned around with his eyebrows raised. Daring Daniel to say something he could regret. "I… That sounded way better in my head. What I mean is… you shouldn't be all by yourself, Jack." He whispered. His worry rubbing Jack in the wrong way.

"The fuck I can't!" Jack growled.

"Jack... you aren't…"

"Fuck this, Daniel!" Jack shouted. "In case you didn't notice, I'm an adult! You aren't my mommy. I don't need you telling me what the fuck I can or can't do," he finished in a dangerous hiss. He also knew not even his most dangerous tone would keep Daniel away from his worry. After all, they'd lived through this before.

"I'm just worried about you," Daniel offered.

"I know! I won't kill myself. If that's what you're thinking."

"Still, you shouldn't be alone."

"Christ, Daniel, you don't know squat 'bout me! How the fuck you know if I'll be alone or not? Huh? Do you even know me?" He asked. Memories of those last days with Sam poured in. Jack remembered her telling him she was egotistical. That she had asked nothing about him until she was on the brink of disappearing. He remembered her unending questioning. How well she fit into the family no one else knew he had.

"I… I think I do."

"You think or you do? It can't be both ways, Daniel." He huffed. Then he shook his head. "You know what, I don't care. I'm going to the cabin. I'm not asking for your permission."

"Fuck you, Jack. I'm here 'cause I care. Did you stop for a second to notice you aren't the only one missing her? Fuck! I know you love her but newsflash, I love Sam too! She's the only goddamned sister I ever had! But, nooo, the great Jack O'Neill can't help but wallow in his sorrows! Too damn hurt to see how many of us are in the same boat with you!" Daniel shouted.

"How the hell do you think you know what I feel?!" Jack shouted back.

"Don't I? Every time my fucking phone goes off, I hope it's her. Every time I hear someone approaching my lab, my heart starts beating wildly until I realize it's not her. Every fucking day I go to her lab hoping to see her. Every goddamned blonde woman I see reminds me of her! I know I don't love her the way you do, but that doesn't mean I don't know what you feel! My fucking wife went missing for years. If someone knows what it's like losing someone you love because someone took her away from you. That'd be me. So, fuck you, Jack." Daniel said.

"God, Jack... the whole damn base misses her. You think Walter isn't dying inside when he needs help and she's not there? Or Siler? The guy towed her bike to the base and has it on display as if it's some memorial. I'm sure if we check the feed to the entrance to her lab. We'll see all the scientists walking there at some point. Only to leave with a broken expression and no one else to call."

"They might not have been as close to her as we were. Not even Cassie is being the kind of asshole you're being to all of us. That girl lost her entire planet, and now she's dealing with losing Sam too. Have you ever stopped by to talk to her after she almost died?" Daniel finished. His voice barely above a whisper by then. Jack shook his head. He knew Daniel was right. His pain blinded him. The unknown variables were driving him insane. That everything seemed to get them further away from ending the war hadn't helped.

"You asked if I know you, Jack. You are one of the hardest people to get to know. I've tried to, you know it. If I don't know you, it's not on me. I know what you've been spoon-feeding me for years. I know what I've experienced by your side. I know you're heartbroken all over again, but we've been through this before. We should look for hope. We shouldn't fight over the dread we're both feeling."

Jack clenched his jaw several times, trying to find some words to say. The reality was that the weight of the truth they had bestowed upon him, was too much for him to bear alone. The burden of knowing they could retrieve her from wherever mysterious place she was. If they fixed those little things was drowning him, every time they failed.

"I'm here 'cause I care…" Daniel whispered again.

Jack took a deep breath, pinched the bridge of his nose. He cleared his throat, hoping his next words wouldn't come out as broken as he knew they would.

"I won't be alone."

Daniel blinked several times. Jack gulped.

"You're right. You only know what I chose to share, which isn't much. I won't be alone. I have family in Minnesota."

"You what?"

"My sister said, I'm getting worse than when…" he sighed. "Charlie passed away. So, she said if I didn't come. She would make the entire family come find me. So, can I get ready to leave now?"

Stunned by what he'd learned, Daniel frowned and walked away. "Oh, and Daniel…" The younger man turned around to observe him. "For what's worth, I'm sorry."

Daniel nodded before he closed the door behind him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Sunday, December 23, 2001.**

It took him a lot longer than it normally would to reach his cabin. It wasn't only because of the snow piling itself slowly on the route. Making the last miles into hazardous hours. But, because for the first time, he was dreading the memories that would come with it.

He gulped, as the snow was finally cleaned away. Taking a deep breath, he parked his truck in front of the cabin. Not ready to face his memories. The bittersweet memories of their time shared there. He knew now that those precious moments wouldn't be enough to keep the dreary parts of his soul at bay.

With one last sigh. Jack grabbed the bag he brought, slid out of his truck, and rushed inside. It didn't surprise him when he found the house warm. There was a note from his niece telling him they knew there was a snowstorm coming. So they had cleaned everything, left some food, and turned on the heater.

It always warmed his bitter heart a little to know that even if he was the most distant relative. They all loved him and worried about him. All they wanted was for him to be happy. God, he was going to break their hearts all over again. When they saw how broken he was.

He plopped himself down on the couch. Not ready to face his room yet and rubbed his face tiredly. He didn't want to ruin their mood with his bitter one. He could always stay in. He knew he couldn't run away from them forever, though. He knew he was doomed to face them at some point.

How could he explain to them that they wouldn't ever see him as happy as he'd been with Sam there? How could he tell them that Sam's fate, her future, depended on him and his not quite magical skills to fix what someone had broken millennia before the USAF was even in play? How could he disappoint them all again, by being not even half of the man they met not so long ago?

Not so long ago… Could nine months still be considered not so long ago? Because for him it still felt as bad as day one, if not worse. He still kicked himself for not only letting her go but for taking her there. He felt the pain of that last goodbye every single day.

Jack shook his head. At least he kept his life. At least he still had a family to go home to, their friends, and the reassurance of his own name. He shook his head, "Who is the egotistical one now?" he muttered.

Shaking his head, he finally stood up and walked to his room. Taking another deep breath as he entered. He still had places that held memories of them, "what does she have, Jack? You have everything…. She doesn't even have herself."

He dropped his bag on the bed. Heading straight for the shower. Memories of hurriedly washing each other. When they noticed they were late to visit his family, fleeted through his mind. He smiled. Opened the shower and let himself be drowned by the power of the water falling hard over his head. In his mind, he heard her chuckle as they fought to quickly get done with it. Then he was overcome by the memories of when they took their time the next day.

He opened his eyes, and he could almost see her grinning at him. Her eyes filled with love. At least, he had the chance to love her as he'd always wanted to. He turned the water off and dried himself. Remembering how goosebumps had covered her skin when the chill of the house hit her skin after their warm shower. He dressed in a pair of boxers before he plopped himself on the bed.

Jack sighed, he still had it all, but he could feel the void growing inside him. He pulled his knees to his chest. Making himself as small as his tall frame would allow him. The pain finally too much to bear, the loneliness, the memories… They all piled up to this moment when embracing himself, he finally allowed himself to cry.

**Monday, December 24, 2001**

Sam dropped herself softly on her bed. Caressed the chubby cheek of her daughter with the tip of her fingers and gulped.

Until March 7th, 2001, Sam hadn't really understood what conflicting feelings really were. Yes, she had been in love with Jack O'Neill almost since the start. That had conflicted with her career choice. True, she had killed people, and that conflicted with the faith her mother had raised her in. Until that date, she hadn't felt the bittersweet sensation of having it all while knowing she would have to give it all away. Nor had she felt so much love and dread mixed up in a tiring conflict inside her.

Her baby. Parker. God, she loved her more than she thought she was capable of. She filled a space in her heart, Sam never knew was missing. Yet, at the same time, she never had felt so alone in her life.

When the news of her daughter's birth spread throughout the school, some people she worked with had visited her that first day in the hospital. Some had called her to let her know they were a call away should she need anything. She wanted to scream at that point that the only thing she needed was her life back. But she wasn't Samantha Carter, she was Morgan Reynolds.

And Morgan Reynolds had no family left, no friends. Her only real bond with the world was that of her child that depended solely on her.

On the quiet night of Christmas Eve, Sam heard the bells from the church and sighed. She wondered, not for the first time, how different things would be if she wasn't stuck on this side of life. She smiled. Most likely, she would have spent yet another Christmas dinner at Janet's. Exchanging knowing glances with Cassie, as Daniel and Janet pretended not to be attracted to each other. Noticing all the little touches they thought they could hide from them.

Enjoying the night then. As a drunken Daniel tried once again to explain to an amused Teal'c how Santa Claus worked. Or his own theory that the first Santa was an alien who beamed the gifts down to the houses. With an expression so serious that they couldn't help not to laugh at him.

Only to get to the awed eyes of Cassie. Eyes that still shone with awe when she opened a gift. Taking a deep breath, Sam hoped she could manage the same that Janet had with her own daughter. She hoped she could raise a child that didn't feel entitled and was always grateful. Then she shook her head. Realizing that most of her hope should be placed on raising a kid, who wouldn't have to change names every couple of months. In her dreams, she would raise her with Jack by her side.

Jack…

She took another deep breath, wondering how he was. She had kept herself from checking the CCTVs after the last time. To lie low, so she wouldn't risk the little she had accomplished. But with each passing day, it was getting more difficult.

Two days earlier she had finally broken her vow and connected herself to the SGC. Only to find it almost empty.

She noticed her laptop was opened in her lab. Probably from when Doctor McKay had gone through her files and smiled. She connected herself to her old laptop. Copied to her own server, the encrypted files hidden deeply inside the SGC server. Files that could only be accessed through her computer, and only she knew how to decrypt.

Now, she had access to data no one knew she had possessed before. The most precious thing was the collection of images of SG-1. At least, now, she wouldn't forget how they looked. Even if the little things were getting blurry.

Maybe, one day, as Parker grew, she could tell her about her dad. How caring he was, how much he would love her. She gulped, tears pilling up in her eyes as she thought about all the little things he would miss. All the things he wouldn't share with her.

She gasped for air. Fighting with her own treacherous body to get it under control, but she couldn't. The dam had broken. She curled up around her baby protectively and sobbed uncontrollably.

The lasts minute of December 24th ticked by. Snow fell adding more inches to the already high pile that covered Springfield, VT. Cold settled in her bones as Samantha Carter realized that this had finally broken her.

**Monday, December 24, 2001**

After a lot of thought, Jack parked his truck in front of the small church. As he had feared, half the church turned around the moment he entered. Knowing looks coming from his family was too much to bear. So he looked down as he walked in and took a seat in the back.

Like every Christmas Eve, since they had sent Connor back to town. His brother prepared a beautiful ceremony. Jack spotted a few of his nieces and nephews among the choir and smiled as Sean directed them to sing. The truth was, he wasn't listening; he was lost in his own little world. Trying to keep himself together, trying not to break.

Lately, trying not to break was consuming all his energy. Especially when he found himself around people who cared about him. He couldn't break in front of them. The comfort they would provide wouldn't be enough, none of them were her. None of them could mend him with a smile or a slight touch of their hands.

No one batted an eye as he was the first to leave. Not even waiting to exchange pleasantries. He was the odd one out, anyway. So people from town wouldn't put it past him. Especially since they all knew his wife wasn't around.

He had spent the day chopping wood he didn't need and fixing things that he didn't really need to fix in the middle of the winter. All of it to stay as far away from his memories as he could. It hadn't worked. At least, he was tired enough to drop into bed and not struggle to find sleep.

When he woke up hours later, he smelled the coffee that was brewing and frowned. His heart beat wildly, wishing it was Sam. He knew beyond any doubt that it couldn't be. He donned a T-shirt and sweatpants before walking out, not even trying to look decent. Thinking it could be one of his sisters.

He found Connor in his kitchen and took a deep breath. Connor heard Jack's sigh and turned around from his post at the stove. He was preparing breakfast for what he knew would be a devastated version of his older brother.

"I'll be right back," Jack huffed. Walking back to his room to get a shower, if only to get ready for what was about to come.

Twenty minutes later, the two brothers were sitting as they munched in silence. Both had plenty of practice at holding their words. The fact that Connor was there, meant they all thought he needed more than just comfort.

The soft, understanding eyes looking at him at the end of the table seemed to work. Jack sighed once he finished his food. He pushed himself out of the table. Grabbing as many things as he could carry to take them back to the kitchen and run away from his younger brother. He lowered them into the sink. Only to find that Connor had followed him, carrying the rest with him.

"You won't walk out of here until I speak, right?" Jack shook his head.

"It is an option, yes." Connor grinned. "Have you gotten any news about Sam?"

"No," Jack answered. Clenching his jaw and pressing the countertop border so tightly that his knuckles went white.

"I had hoped they would at least allow her to call you for Christmas," Connor gave him a sad smile.

"They don't even know she is my wife, Connor," Jack sighed. Before he turned around, embracing himself. "But even if she wasn't. It's all in. She can't call me now just because it's Christmas."

"Why not? I mean, you've been on awful special ops missions, but you always called us from time to time."

"Her situation is different, Connor."

"I see."

"No, you don't," Jack said. Pressing the bridge of his nose. "Listen, I don't want to be rude. I'm trying hard not to shout at you because I can't keep my emotions at bay. So, you should go before it happens. I'll try to get to mom's for Christmas lunch, but the truth is I don't want to ruin it for the kids."

"The kids will be happy to see their Uncle Jack around. They'll be good for you too, Jack. I'm sure they will help you get your mind off the memories, you must have made here."

"I'll think about it. I'm…" he cast his eyes down.

"Jack, whatever place Sam is, it's not your fault. Probably not hers either. You both work for the USAF. You don't get to choose where in the world you end up." Connor said, placing a reassuring hand over Jack's shoulder. Jack laughed dryly.

"What if it is my fault? What if I'm responsible for her being sent away? What if I'm the one who isn't doing enough to bring her back?"

"You can't blame yourself for things you have no control over, Jack."

"Oh, but I do. I…" he stopped himself before he gave away something he shouldn't. "Nevermind."

"It's classified?" Connor asked. Knowing that was most likely the answer to the situation. Jack nodded. "Jack, if you ever want to talk," his brother offered. Jack grimaced.

"You know I can't." His brother chuckled.

"J, I'm a priest. If you can talk to anyone, that someone is me. Just ask for a confession. Everything you say will be between you, me, and God."

"I can't… not yet."

"Not yet?" Connor frowned. Jack shook his head in despair.

"It's too soon. It's not even been a year yet."

"Too soon? Is there a time frame?" Connor asked.

"I promised her I would give myself a year." He confessed in a whisper. Shaking his head at how stupid he felt. Connor placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Then, when the time comes, you know where to find me," he said. Before he turned around. "I'll let mom know you might be late."

"Thanks."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for more?

**Monday, December 31, 2001.**

Connor was right. The kids had helped him to lighten his mood that day. The grown-ups had also kept their distances. Allowing him to search them out as he saw fit. That was not even close to his family's usual reaction. He was sure Connor had something to do with that one too.

So, after feeling awful for treating Daniel, Janet, Teal'c, and even Cassie with the brunt of his foul mood. Jack decided to return to Colorado and try to make it up to them.

He called Daniel. Asking him what his plans were for the night. Daniel stated he would do what he'd done every single New Year's Eve since the Stargate program had started. So, Jack was now parking his truck in front of Janet's house.

The Christmas lights gave a romantic glow to her house. Having always liked her entryway, he'd often imagined walking outside with Sam and kissing her senseless there. He shook his head and wasn't able to keep the sigh from escaping his lips. Wondering if he would ever get the opportunity to kiss his wife senseless again.

The front door opened. Jack could see Daniel's head peeking out as if he was questioning if he'd get out of his truck or not. Opening his door with a sigh, he got out. He grabbed the Christmas presents from the backseat. Harper had pushed him to get them, as an apology of sorts.

"Hey," Jack said as Daniel moved out of the way. A confused expression on his face. "Late Christmas gifts," he shrugged. "Where are…"

"Uncle Jack!" Cassie rushed to him. Embracing him so tightly that he thought he might break. Although, truthfully, her loss had already broken him inside. "I was wondering if I had lost you too," she mumbled.

"Never, kid. You know that." He croaked out. Knowing he had all but abandoned her for the past months.

"Cool," she grinned, not letting him go.

"Cassandra Fraiser, you need to let him breathe," Janet said in a half-amused tone.

"Sorry," the girl said, with a sheepish smile.

"Jack… It's nice to see you." Janet said. "When Daniel said you were coming, we were all pleasantly surprised."

"Yeah.. I…" he took a deep breath. "I have to apologize to all of you. I know I've been an ass these last few months."

"Don't." Janet stopped him. "Don't apologize for feeling, Jack. Don't apologize for acting like the human being you are."

"But…" He started again. Cassie smiled at him.

"Uncle Jack, we all love you. We know you need your space to deal with whatever happened to Aunt Sam." Jack looked around at the trio. Daniel had an understanding smile, too. So Jack nodded.

"Let's kick this awful year out with joy," Janet said. "Hopefully, the new one gets better."

"Or at least easier," Daniel added.

**Monday, December 31, 2001**

No one had ever told her that having a baby was so difficult. Sam had never felt so utterly tired before. Parker seemed to be a fussy, clingy baby. She wouldn't sleep if it wasn't in her mother's arms. Anytime Sam laid her down, the girl would wake up and cry her little lungs out.

Sam had tried everything. She'd moved her cradle into her own room. Letting her cry hadn't worked. It had only made the emotionally frayed new mother cry along with the girl. She took her to the Doctor, to check if she wasn't sick or in pain. Desperately hoping the man could explain all the constant crying. That no one had ever warned her of.

Parker was the healthiest baby in town, the doctor had said. "There is no reason to worry, Ms. Reynolds. Jessica is a healthy baby." He added with a pat on her shoulder that did nothing to reassure her. "She just needs to adjust to this new change in her life."

"Me and her both," Sam had muttered under her breath. The Doctor had chuckled at the weary new mother.

"Give her time. She'll get used to it, as she gains a schedule. Keep eating healthy, remember that what you eat is going to be what she eats." Sam grimaced. Not one to shy easily, she spent the most uncomfortable half an hour of her life. Speaking with her Doctor of her extremely sore breasts and how to latch Jessica on properly.

So, it wasn't even 9 PM, and she was already beat.

"Come on, I have things to do, and this is the best moment to do it." She pep talked to herself. She stood up and flinched. Parker was asleep. She wondered how long it would last, not long at all. The girl cried the second Sam walked out of the room.

"Aren't you a little too young to have abandonment issues?" She asked. Picking her up and walked downstairs to the computer.

She placed Parker on a couple of pillows. She'd laid down earlier that week. As she tried to get some things done and the girl just wouldn't stop crying. Tonight she'd stopped crying as Sam laid her comfortably on the small bed she had made for her. Just as her mother started typing, the sounds of the keyboard being softly touched filled the room. As if the light tapping were a lullaby that lulled the tiny girl to sleep.

Maybe it was, Sam thought. Considering that she'd spent a lot of her pregnancy writing code until the wee hours of the morning. Code to try to learn what the hell was going on back where her life had been. As usual, she'd set a good number of intermediate locations to blind anyone that would try to find her. Then she'd connected herself to her hidden server.

Once inside. She'd added the last lines of code to her ever-growing variety of programs running in there. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. Looking at the clock, she found it was five minutes until the new year. She entered the Pentagon network.

She knew that network as well as she knew the one at the SGC. After all, she'd helped to set it up. Back then when she'd been just a Captain working on a project. One that seemed as if it wouldn't have a future. Shaking her head, she hacked her way to the place she needed to be. Then, she brought up the cameras from the servers' control room. As she knew it would be, this was the only time that room would be empty.

She smiled. Placing the small tracker she needed to keep her connection open with no one noticing it. She was piggyback riding their own network. With the credentials of everyone online at the same time. If someone spotted her, they wouldn't be able to tell who she was or where it was coming from. She smirked.

She got her access with two minutes to spare. When the officers in charge of the servers entered the room. She checked her watch. "Happy new year, Samantha Carter. Happy new year, indeed."

The connection established from her own server. She searched for the file she needed.

"Well, fuck," Sam said, frowning. Major Samantha Carter's file showed that her last active day inside the USAF was March 6th, 2001. Somehow, apparently, she'd asked for it. At least, if the approved retirement letter attached to her file was anything to go by. She dropped herself back in her chair and stole a glance towards Parker. Hoping she didn't wake her up with that outburst.

Then she realized something. Jack had told her back then that nothing they did during her last week as Samantha Carter would be part of her file. It seemed to her that at least that was true. It wouldn't be part of her file because she didn't have a file anymore by then.

"Well, at least they can't hang us over your head, Jack. But did you know this?" She muttered. "Probably not." Her background scan got her some other files. She gasped for air. Pictures of their week together were hidden somewhere inside the Pentagon's servers. Very compromising pictures of them in their own bedrooms. Inside their own houses.

"What the hell is going on?" she wondered. The untraceable timeline alert went off then. Sam quickly disconnected from everywhere. Even from the software, she had on the actual computer that created internet traffic. Just to cover her back, in case someone ever wandered in there.

With what she'd seen. She wouldn't be surprised if they were still trying to recover data from her personal computer, or the one sitting at her lab. Thinking about it, she finally understood why she had found sitting it open in her lab. Someone else was accessing or trying to access her data. She would need to schedule a cleaning of that laptop.

She clenched her jaw. There was nothing she could do but keep gathering information. To try to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. But if things were as dark as what she'd seen…. She doubted she would solve it before it was too late.

Sam picked Parker up from the floor and walked to her room. She settled the baby in her bed and got changed into her PJs. "Do we even have a chance?" she wondered. Sliding her wedding band on her finger and embracing her daughter protectively, before sleep finally claimed her.

**Thursday, March 7, 2002**

They knew the first anniversary of Sam's relocation is drawing close. If only because Jack had reverted to his grim self. After New Year's Eve, he'd tried to remain civil. Tried keeping himself at bay. His family had been there for him. Supporting him as best as they could from afar.

Daniel had also come searching for him, and he hadn't started a shouting contest. Instead, Jack had offered him some beers. Explaining in the fewest amount of words possible, how desperately alone he was feeling.

The greatest progress relationship-wise was with Cassie. He had taken upon himself to fulfill the role she needed him fulfilling. He would take her to the movies and out for dinner occasionally. In return, she would tell him things she didn't want to burden Janet with. He would often hold her as she cried. When she was feeling that she was betraying the Doc, missing Sam as much as she did.

Janet knew, though. She had searched for him after one of those nights with Cass. Asking what happened, because her daughter wasn't speaking to her about whatever that was bothering her. Cass also wasn't shouting at her for no reason or slamming doors shut. He didn't know how to explain it, but Janet knew. "She misses, Sam. Doesn't she?" she had crocked her head and eyed him knowingly. Jack couldn't help but nod in agreement. "I don't know why she won't talk to me about it. I'm sorry she threw it on you. It's not like you needed it."

"Don't worry, Janet. Cass loves you so much that she can't imagine a world without you. She knows you're missing Sam, too." He sighed. "I guess we're all just miserable without her."

"Yeah."

But what worried Jack the most; what really was consuming his thoughts. Was the fact that there wasn't a definite solution to her whereabouts. She was still 'reassigned' which meant they still hadn't found a place for her to stay for good.

He wondered how many people she'd been in the almost year that was nearing. He wondered, not for the first time, how she felt. If she had friends. If she was safe…. If she thought about him as much as he thought about her.

Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Deciding he didn't want the last one to be true. If he was honest with himself, she had still an entire life ahead of her. If she could take it as it came, she should. She shouldn't hope for a future that might never come. Not when she knew the probabilities of them ever winning an unwinnable war.

Jack shook his head and searched for the ring he kept safe. Lying right next to his own. He palmed hers lovingly. She shouldn't hope, but he had no other choice. Hope was the only thing keeping him alive.

In five more days, they would reach their first year of marriage. In seven days more, they would reach the first year of her disappearance. The allotted time she had asked him to take for his grief. The only promise he knew he wouldn't be able to keep.

**Monday, March 11, 2002**

It was late at night when Sam came downstairs. Parker was sleeping. Having finally learned to do it without Sam's reassuring presence in the room. It wasn't a hacking day. She knew it, but she needed to do this. She needed to give him an out.

She made her connections ready. Covering her tracks before she connected to her hidden server. Then she typed an email. She doubted for a bit. Wondering between attaching the one she'd prepared before or giving him some hope with a current one.

"Don't be an ass, Sam." She thought. "You know he won't let you go. You know this is far more screwed up than we had known."

She shook her head and without further ado. She pressed send. "Happy Anniversary, my love," she said. As a lone tear rolled down her cheek, her right hand closed tightly around her ring. She saw the clock showing it was already March 12th.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's #SamJackShipday! My beta said every day is ship day for me, but then we agreed my case is more a "making-S&J-suffer-a-little-more day"

**Monday, March 11, 2002.**

Jack knocked on General Hammond's door earlier that day. A folder in his hand and jaws clenched tightly. He had entered the room and dropped the folder on his CO's desk harshly. Hammond had looked up, not quite amused. Then opened the file.

"Jack…" he sighed. "You know I can't."

"Sir. Hear me out here," Jack hissed. "I'm too close to you having to file a report of insubordination. I don't want that to happen or I might never…" he stopped himself before what he wanted to say could come out. 'Get my wife back,' Jack thought. "I don't want to lose the USAF… This is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane. But I need that… I need it now."

Hammond looked at the file in front of him and sighed.

"I can't grant you this many days, Jack," Hammond said. Pointing him to one seat in front of his desk before he moved to sit in the other one. "Son, I don't know why, but they're keeping tabs on your leave days." He whispered. "I know there's more to this thing. I just don't know what."

"Sir…"

"I don't need the explanations. I know they reassigned Major Carter on March 14th. Will taking five days starting tomorrow be enough to deal with whatever you need to deal with?" Hammond asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Great! Then go change that request and bring it back. I'll approve it, ASAP."

"Thank you, sir." Jack nodded.

He dropped the second file off later on. Along with the changed dates, there was a post-it note that said. _'I don't know where she is.'_ Hammond looked at him and nodded. He scribbled something and got his copy out of the folder, before giving it back to Jack.

With his leave granted, Jack left the SGC quickly. He threw the folder on the passenger seat of his truck and drove home. He opened his door, not even bothering to turn the lights on. He dropped his keys and walked to the kitchen. With the file safely tucked away in his hands.

He grabbed a beer and used the light in the fridge to read whatever Hammond had scribbled on the post-it note and frowned. _'No one knows. It seems she's vanished from Earth'._ Jack shook his head. He already knew she had. However, the knot in the pit of his stomach had only worsened. When Hammond said he is being surveilled somehow, by someone.

He turned the stove on to make himself some dinner. A quick omelet would do for his plans. Taking the note out of the folder, Jack burned it before cooking. 'This is not good,' he thought as the smell of burnt paper filled the space.

He ate in the kitchen. Throwing the plate in the sink haphazardly, before grabbing another beer and heading for his rooftop. The only place in his entire house Sam hadn't been.

For once, since the whole ordeal started, Jack took his time to consider what the hell was going on. He knew he got his orders from above. He knew they blackmailed him into fulfilling them. He knew she was somewhere being someone else. So, why were they surveilling his leaves? Who could be surveilling his leave? Why would they have him under any sort of surveillance at all?

The only answer he can come up with was the NID. NID doing weird shit like they usually did. But what would they want with him? He can't do anything to them. Or was it they wanted him to do something for them? He sighed. Checking his watch, Jack noticed there were only a few seconds left on that day.

He raised his bottle, "Happy anniversary, my love. Wherever you are." He mumbled as March 11 turned March 12. His cellphone vibrated then. Frowning, he picked it up.

"You got an email," it said. The tip of his lip curled. Knowing Sam would never leave him completely. That his phone received an email alert was something of her doing. Just like his whole home-office setup was her creation.

He would kid no one if he said the timing hadn't got his heart beating wildly. He shook his head.

"It must be Daniel. He most likely just noticed my leave." He muttered, but walked down to his home office, anyway.

Getting down. He closed his back door and padded to his office. He felt his way to his desk, and then his way to the power button. He heard as the computer turned on and soon had to flinch when the brightness of the screen blinded him for a bit. He waited until it finally stopped thinking as he jokingly called it, whenever Sam was around.

He opened his email and frowned. He didn't need to be a computer genius to know that address wasn't something legal. It was a string of letters and numbers mixed up, followed by an and another string of letters and numbers. There was something attached to it too.

He frowned. Not knowing if it was safe to just download something that came from an unknown email with an unknown attachment. But then it hit him. Was it a coincidence that the seemingly random numbers on the email matched his birthday, Charlie's birthday, and their wedding date?

Hope blossomed in his heart and was fighting over the weariness of such a strange occurrence. Then again, he never received SPAM. Thanks to yet another something Sam had added to his computer. After he'd complained of having too many emails and not enough time to go through them all.

"If she's the one sending it. She would know those three dates and also how to bypass her own system, wouldn't she?" He muttered to himself and without further thought, he opened the mail.

"Fuck, no." He said, blinking at the words in the email _._

_"I thought we could end with a cliché…_

_If you love someone, set them free._

_Always."_

Jack read the short note several times. Until he had it memorized. Always was their keyword. She was setting him free, but would she still love him always? Or was it to do with the end of that same phrase? If they come back they're yours? He clicked the attachment then and left it to download. As he went for something stronger than the beer, he was currently having.

If this was what he thought it was, beer definitively wouldn't be enough. He knew her pretty damn well, so chances were he was right.

With one shot of whiskey downed and another one in his hand. Jack walked back to his office and noticed the blinking icon telling him his download was ready. He also noticed a second email from the same account. He took a sip of his drink and grabbed the glass as tightly as he could. With his other hand; he clicked to open the video.

Sam appeared on his screen, and he had to gasp for air.

 _"Happy anniversary, my love."_ Sam grinned before her expression became grim. _"If you are seeing this, then it means our timeline is about to be over. Jack, I want you to know that this past week, you've made me the happiest woman in the entire universe. "_

Jack noticed then she looked as he remembered her. Her short hair, her mesmerizing blue eyes. How she was sitting in the same chair he was occupying then, and how she had both rings comfortably sitting on her finger.

 _"By now you should've gotten a second one. In case you want to try finding me. I know you enough to know you won't be fulfilling my request of getting a life after our deadline. Even if you promised it. Yes, I knew you wouldn't be able to say no when I asked."_ She said. _"It won't be fair that I ask. Truth is, it wasn't fair at all, to give you such a brief time to solve things that have been happening for years, centuries even. It's not fair to ask you to let me go. You should, though. We don't know when this will end. If it ends." She sighed. "God, there are so many things I want to tell you, that I want to share with you. But I can't. There's no time. You won't be asleep for long. You'll come searching for me if I take too long."_

 _"Just remember this one, Jack O'Neill. You are worthy. You can do anything you set your mind to and I love you beyond words."_ He used the back of his free hand to clean the stubborn tears that had fallen _. "I'm setting you free, because I know, if given the chance, you'll return to me. Just like I'll return to you. Magnets, Jack… We are magnets!_ " He chuckled at that. She always joked he'd had a weird obsession with magnets. The video ended then.

So, he opened the second email.

_"I know you'll want to check where I am, but you won't be able to trace this."_

He clicked the video and waited until it was done downloading. He took a sip of his drink and clicked it to start. Her watch indicated that the recording started minutes after the last one ended. Her rings weren't sitting on her finger and she looked a bit more composed. His office wasn't distinguishable now.

 _"If you are seeing this, then our deadline is about to end. I thought for a while if this was a good idea or not. As you see, this video isn't current, not for the date, you're on. I thought I shouldn't give you hope of trying to find me. I know this might."_ She sighed.

 _"It's not your fault. No one is at fault here except, well, the responsible party. I'm not sure if you know more than we do know, or what they've told you. Just know, I'll be okay. I'll miss you all terribly. God!"_ She took a deep breath. _"Take care of each other now that I won't be around."_ She looked to the ground and sighed.

_"I'm using your email because I know the setup of your network and email, sir. So, it was easier to leave this one behind when I knew it would get to you all. Please mourn me if you need it. Then let me go."_

The video ended there. Jack threw his glass against the opposite wall. It collided loudly, spilling the remnants of his whiskey, and shattering it in a million pieces. Just like his heart.

He wasn't a tech-savvy, but Jack knew he shouldn't keep the first one hanging in his email. Not when they already had used the little they had to make him agree on his "mission." He rubbed his face. It was too late to do anything about it tonight. He would call Cassie in the morning. That girl would know how to save the video somewhere else. Then he would delete it.

The question was, what to do with the other one. He was sure that if Sam said it was untraceable. It was untraceable. Even so, he wanted someone to check it out. Maybe there was a clue or something she left behind that would allow them to know where she was. Maybe to check on her from afar. If only to know she was still alive, and well.

Jack stood up. He could clean the mess in the morning. Cassie wouldn't be available until after school, anyway. He wouldn't risk her career by having someone seeing the first video she'd sent for his eyes only.

Strolling to his room, he thought about who he could call about this. If he was honest, Captain Porter was good. Was tech-savvy enough that he'd had figured out some things. But Jack couldn't find it in himself to trust the younger officer. No matter if he was the one who kept surviving the SG-1 rotation spot.

He could call Walter, but he wasn't sure the man had all the skills he needed for this. Nor was he sure he wanted the airman snooping around his private life. Besides, no matter how much he liked Harriman. He couldn't drop that video on his lap and hope he didn't mention it to anyone else. To try to give them whatever level of comfort that video could give. He finished his nightly routine.

Someone popped in his mind. The kid that had out of the blue knocked on Cheyenne's door and had hacked his way into contacting her. He knew her, or at least her virtual her. He had the skills, and he wasn't NID. Of that they were sure. Colonel Simmonds had almost chopped their head offs once he learned about the kid's existence. How he was trying to fix what McKay couldn't. Jack grinned. The kid was trying, if only because he had Sam on the other side. That was something Simmonds never learned.

Now the real issue was, "how can I find his contact information without raising all the alerts that it would without a doubt?" He asked himself as he dropped himself onto his bed. And finally, it occurred to him that there was a way. There was one person who was almost as worried as he was. That could get his hands on the folder without anyone batting an eye.

Without even thinking about the hour, Jack dialed the number. _"Hammond,"_ came the General's voice in a groggy whisper.

"Sir... Oh, shit! I'm sorry about the late hour."

 _"Colonel O'Neill?"_ Hammond asked.

"Yes, sir."

 _"Give me a second, son. I'll get up."_ Jack heard some rustling and the sounds of a door being opened. Followed by the noises of steps. _"Okay. I'm listening."_

"Sir. You know what you said earlier about my leaves? I've got something that I that might need your help with. Can we meet before you head into the mountain, sir?" He tried to explain, but even to him, it sounded weird.

_"Jack, what are you rambling about?"_

"Ah, I just need to talk to you about my leave note thing?" Jack said. Hoping that would be able to point Hammond to the right track, without giving too much away. In case, they had bugged his phone.

_"I'll be there first thing in the morning."_


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back in 1958, some crazy people started a movement to get a day to celebrate friendship. Today, we celebrate the 9th international friendship day. Although, it was a common thing in my country. Anyhow, I thought it would be nice to post something today.
> 
> And here you are.
> 
> Happy International Friendship day!

**Tuesday, March 12, 2002**

After placing the call. Jack stared at her image for hours. Then, he realized that if they were monitoring him. His house most likely was being monitored too. So, he had walked into his room. To the drawer where he kept the few things, she left behind. Jack picked up the jammer device, she'd made over a year ago.

He tried to turn it on, but the light just flickered for a brief second before it died. He frowned. As he was about to throw it away, he remembered two things. One, it was the last thing Sam had made with her own two hands. Second, she always made her doohickey's idiot-proof. In case, she needed him using them.

Jack frowned at the device as if he hoped it would tell him what to do. For obvious reasons, it didn't. "God, now you're hoping for help from a doohickey!" He shook his head and wondered if he'd perhaps had a drink too many.

He dragged himself to bed. Turned his bedside light on and examined the device. Sure enough, he found what looked like a battery compartment. Pushing it slightly, the lid popped out with a loud click and it rewarded him with the image of two AAA batteries.

"I love you!" he said out loud and rushed to the junk drawer in his kitchen. Opening it, he moved things out of the way until he found a package of batteries he kept there for emergencies. He replaced the two batteries quickly inside it and flicked the switch.

The green light of the device turned on and remained on. He walked to his room where he'd left his cellphone charging. He placed both devices close together. Sure as hell, it cut his phone's signal out. He turned the device off, and his signal was back up.

Now, it was just a matter of time.

It wasn't even seven am when Hammond knocked on his door. Looking at Jack apprehensively. Without a word, Jack moved out of the way and pointed him toward his living room. The first thing Hammond noticed was a weird device over Jack's coffee table. Then the smell of coffee.

"You'll need it," Jack said. Lowering two cups of the dark brew.

"Jack, what…"

"Ack!" Jack interrupted him, raised his hand. Then grabbing the jammer Sam had made a year before, he turned it on. He lowered his cell on the table and pushed it towards Hammond. The General frowned in confusion at first, then he noticed the no signal message and got his out.

Jack stood up and turned his TV on. He raised the volume loud enough to be annoying but not enough to force them to shout to each other.

"Carter made it." Jack gave him a half-smile.

"What's going on, Jack? Do you know where she is?"

"No, sir. I don't know," Jack said, rubbing his face tiredly.

"So why am I here, Jack? Why is this turned device is turned on? Why do why need background noise on?"

"Well, you mentioned someone was paying close attention to my leave dates. I'll assume it's the NID. Unless there's another group doing it too."

"You think they have her?"

"No, sir. I can't tell you, what I know because it's classified. All I can say is, that she's supposedly safe."

"Then, if you know she's safe, what's up with the mood?"

"I said supposedly."

"Why am I here, Jack?" Hammond asked again.

"She sent me an email, sir," Jack confessed in a sigh.

"What?"

"It has a video attached. She said it's untraceable."

"But you want to trace it, anyway?"

"Yes."

"Then you should call Porter or Harriman… or anyone with half-decent skills. You know, I'm even worse than you with computers."

"That's why you're here, sir."

"You lost me there, Jack."

"I don't trust Porter, sir. And I don't want to involve Harriman in this. If they're already keeping an eye on me. I'm sure they know where Sam is… I don't want to risk someone who need not be risked."

"I see… Then what do you want."

"There's someone, I think, who could help us with the tracing."

"There is?" George frowned. "How do you know this?"

"Because he came knocking our doors before. He might be our only chance, sir."

"No."

"Sir… He had access to her before she wiped his computer clean. We followed him around long enough to know she wasn't contacting him. But he had the skills we need!"

"Jack, you're on leave. I can't bring him in out of the blue and have you there too."

"I don't want you to bring him in, sir. I want to go get him."

"Jack, the kid didn't know her at all."

"No, but she knows him. She trusted him enough to send him to the SGC. That has to mean something!" Jack said and then shook his head. "Sir, I just need his contact information. There's no one else who can get to it, at least no without raising a lot of alerts."

Hammond sighed. "How are you planning on me doing that?"

"Just request a bunch of old files to review. Among them, request the report from Teal'c case. His information is in there."

"I'll do it." Hammond nodded. He checked his watch and stood up. "I need to get going."

"Yes, sir." Jack walked him to the door. Out of an impulse, Jack hugged him. "Whatever you do, sir. Don't bring it yourself."

**Thursday, March 14, 2002**

A year after starting her new life as several different people. Sam was waiting for a show to come on. One that everyone at her school seemed to be talking about. She settled Parker on her chest and made herself comfortable. Then she changed the tv to the proper channel.

"Let's see what you're all about, Wormhole X-treme." She grinned.

For what she had heard, it was a cool show about three people and a robot. They traveled across the galaxy and faced several different aliens. Sam frowned. What she saw was practically a weirdly acted version of her own life. Right down to the raised eyebrow the robot used far too often.

"Why are you still on?" She wondered. Then she noticed two things. The name of the producer 'Martin Lloyd' rung a bell. She also happened to be married to the Air Force technical advisor, 'Colonel J. O'Neill.' She looked down at Parker, who was drifting between suckling and finally sleeping.

"Well, I guess if someone says something about it. Then it would be easier to blame a TV show for it." She shrugged. She kept watching, finding the Colonel a bit too short. The Doctor a bit too whiny and the robot a bit too cold.

Then she heard a phone going off. She frowned. She was sure it wasn't hers. She followed the noise nonetheless, only to find out it came from her box. She opened it. Sure as hell, it was the one she'd used to get a new safe house address.

"Hello?" she answered wearily.

"72 Edward Dr. Boston. MA. Bring enough baby stuff to last a week. You need to get out of Springfield. ASAP." The voice said before the call ended.

"What the hell?" She wondered. With Parker still asleep in her arms, she got a bag ready. She threw Parker's thing inside the biggest suitcase she had. The one they had given her on her first day as Morgan.

She added a couple of sweatpants and sweatshirts for herself before she remembered the other things she had in the house. She added her box to the stash of things inside her suitcase, then lowered Parker into her crib.

Sam walked around the house grabbing the several burner phones that laid hidden around the house. Placing them in several trash bags. Then she went to her office and took her drive out of the computer. She placed it in an envelope and sealed it.

After so many attempts becoming different identities, Sam had learned that the time between the call and her arrival at the new location was as much as she wanted it to be. She took everything she had packed to the car, before grabbing warmer clothes for them both.

She placed Parker in the car seat, hoping she wouldn't wake up. Then she drove out of Springfield, VT without looking back.

Her first stop was Claremont, where she dropped some phones. She also dropped the envelope with her drive in a mailbox. While she pretended she was just filling up her gas. She stopped in several cities and asked how to get to Boston. She dropped phones at each stop. Until she only had one left.

It was almost 11:30 PM when she finally arrived in Boston. She did a couple of rounds around the city. Stopping in a gas station for something to munch on. She had skipped her dinner and was now starving. She picked Parker up and walked inside the warmer store. Picking up some cereal bars and a water bottle, she walked to the cashier.

"Oh, man. That's so sad. She was so hot too." The cashier said. His eyes fixated on a TV screen as he passed her purchase through the scan. "7.95"

"Here." She smiled.

"Huh, you could be her doppelganger." He said. Pointing to the screen as he gave her the change. Sam turned around and rushed out of the store with her mind set on reaching 72 Edward Dr. Boston. MA as fast as she could. She placed Parker back in her seat and grabbed the last burner phone she had.

**Thursday, March 14, 2002**

Two days earlier, Cassie had secured the first video on a thumb drive and wondered what he could do with it. Daniel dropped by two hours later to pick Cassie up and deliver the data he needed. So, Jack had entrusted his friend with taking care of the thumb drive until his return.

After that, Jack had taken a flight to Louisiana. Shannon's son and wife had moved there two years earlier. So he now had an excuse to be there. He spent the day with them. Before he left his rental in their hands and borrowed one of their cars. With it, Jack drove all the way to 212 Saint Charles Ave, New Orleans.

It surprised him how expensive the building looked. He knew Jordan Craig lived alone. Jack had knocked and received no answer. So, Jack picked his lock and made himself comfortable in Jordan's house. He turned on the TV, chuckling when he noticed Wormhole X-treme was on. He checked his watch and muted the TV. Soon, he heard the jiggling of keys and the door opening.

"Finally!" Jack said, making the scared kid jump.

"I own nothing. You can take what you want, but please don't kill me." Jordan said at once.

"Relax, kid. I will not hurt you."

"You won't?" Jordan asked, turning around to face him. "I know you… you're… she sent me to you…"

"She?" Jack asked, with an eyebrow raised.

"I told you. I don't know her actual name. Besides, I'm not good with names. I can't remember the one she used when I met her."

"Listen, I just need your help with something."

"My help?"

"Yes, I know you could connect with her at some point. So, I want to know if you can trace something for me."

"I could… If I have access to the computer that got it the first time."

"Great, then you are coming with me to Louisiana and then we'll fly to Colorado Springs."

"Samantha Carter," Jordan said then, with his eyes fixated somewhere else.

"I thought you weren't good with names."

"I'm not… they are." He pointed to the muted TV. Jack turned around. Somehow, he had changed stations without noticing. The TV was now showing the news. In there, a picture of Major Samantha Carter stared at him.

"Fuck!" Jack said. Grabbing the remote from where he left it and turning the volume on again.

 _"The Major's body was retrieved after a plane she was testing crashed this afternoon. Her expertise as a pilot allowed her to keep the plane in the air until she was as far enough away from the urban areas."_ The journalist said. The image changed to one of one plane burning as several firefighters fought to put out the fire. Jack dropped himself on the couch.

_"Major Carter was well known in the Aviation circles for her developments in the area. The Astrophysicist community also mourns the loss of one of their brightest minds. Her spotless career had her on a fast track to become a General. She was already on the shortlist for Colonel."_

"It can't be true," Jack said, clenching his jaw. "Maybe she…"

_"God, that woman was so nice…. She always took her time to say hi to everyone. She was especially good with kids. She was always sharing her time and ideas with the whole team. She was the last one working on that plane…." An airman added._

"Fuck."

"I guess you knew her?" Jordan asked. Jack rubbed his face tiredly.

Jordan's phone vibrated in his pocket. He frowned, taking the phone out and read the message.

 _"Don't watch the news. Grand Empress."_ He smiled, knowing that the news was fake _._ "So, what's that thing you wanted me to figure out for you?"


	27. Chapter 27

**Friday, March 15, 2002**

It felt it was minutes since she had fallen asleep, but Sam woke up the moment she heard the door close. Parker was still safely tucked under her arm in the only bed the room had.

"Are you here?" Kira's voice called loudly. Taking a deep breath, Sam stood up. She placed the few pillows she had around Parker's tiny frame. Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she slowly made it out of the small bedroom. "Whoa, you look like shit."

"Well, good morning to you too." Sam groused.

"We need to get going. You've been here alone for too long already." Kira announced, but Sam didn't move. "I'll get the coffee ready. Get a shower and get that baby girl ready. We need to get going. You know we can't stay here."

"Kira. What are you doing here?" Kira sighed and pressed the bridge of her nose.

"You'll need that coffee." Was the woman's only answer before she disappeared inside the kitchen. Shaking her head, Sam decided if she needed the coffee, most likely she needed that shower too. She checked on Parker, who was still fast asleep, before jumping in the shower.

When she was out, Parker was awake but not crying yet. She changed her and then settled her in to breastfeed. There was a knock on her door.

"What's taking so long?" Kira asked loudly. Sam opened the door, and the baby didn't even bother to look anywhere but at her mother.

"Fuck, I forgot! I guess no coffee for you." Kira said disappointed.

"Caffeine peaks in breast milk two hours after the ingestion. I'll take it."

"Sure?"

"Positive, she won't be eating in the next three hours once she's done."

"I bet your things are all on that huge suitcase?"

"Yeah. Whoever called said I should pack a weeks' worth of baby supplies." Sam shrugged.

"Right, I'll get that to the car. But you'll need to install the baby seat. I have no idea how those things work." Kira disappeared outside, dragging the suitcase with her. Not even five minutes later, she was back. "Will that take long? We should move. We've both been in here too long."

"At least another 20," Sam grimaced.

"Can't you… don't know, do that in the car?"

"I could, but she's already started. Plus, you said, I'll need to set the car seat." Sam pointed. "Besides, you could start explaining how the fuck my picture ended on national TV."

"I don't know." Kira let out but gave her a pointed look. "I'll wait for you in the kitchen. "

Twenty minutes later Sam entered the kitchen, "God… coffee…." She whispered as she poured some in the free travel mug that was sitting on the counter.

"Where's the baby?"

"Sleeping. I'll set the baby seat in no time and we can go."

"Finally!" Sam shook her head, not at all amused by Kira's outburst. She was tired, anxious, and the other woman wasn't giving her any clues as to why she had to run away for Springfield. Or why Samantha Carter was involved in a plane crash.

She concentrated her frustrations on the task at hand. Soon, she was placing Parker safely in her seat and they were on the road.

"Sorry," Kira said.

"What for? It's not like you've done these things to me." Sam sighed, taking a sip of the lukewarm coffee. Kira wriggled behind the wheel and took a device out of her pocket. She passed it to Sam, who looked at it with a confused frown before looking at Kira. She turned the device on, and Kira sighed.

"I couldn't say anything before."

"What's going on? Why are you here?"

"Truth is… I'm not so sure about the first one, Sam. I'm here because your cover has been stupidly blown to bits. All I know is, there was chatter about the fact that you had finally settled. Which had me worried."

"Why?" Sam frowned.

"No one else knows who you are. I was the last person in Samantha Carter's case. I'm the only one leading your case. So, the fact that someone else knew you as Samantha Carter is worrying. I've tried to dig up some more information about you. I've found out that you were placed in the program because there's an internal agency that wants something from you."

"The NID," Sam provided.

"I guess… I'm not sure. All I know is someone else in the office knew you were Morgan Reynolds. I restarted all our protocols before I made the call. No one who had access to any of the lives you lived before will be allowed on your case again."

"So, I won't see Logan Wales again."

"No. No one you've encountered unless it's me. I had my issues with them giving you several handlers instead of just keeping you under my watch. But they insisted. "

"Are you saying that all this time, I was never safe as you promised?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"I need a gun."

"What?"

"I need a gun or something I can use in case someone comes looking. I mean, they've already killed Samantha Carter. Taking Rose Gold or whatever other porn name you come up for me will be a piece of cake if I can't defend myself."

"I can't give you a gun." Sam huffed. "But your next identity can get a gun of her own. You can always say it's you and your kid and you feel the need to get some protection. In this country, no one would bat an eye if you have a license to carry a weapon."

"I'll do that, I guess."

"I need to ask something of you, though."

"You?"

"Yeah."

"Then ask…" Kira took a deep breath.

"We don't know how deep inside these people are. The only one who can find them is you."

"You want me to find them?" She asked, eyebrow raised in surprise.

"Without raising any alarms," Kira added.

"You know that's crazy, don't you?"

"Well, I've heard a lot about you… Let's say I have hopes. With Parker along, I can try to pass more money. I hope you can use it to get whatever you need to get out of the program."

"What are you saying, Kira?" Sam frowned.

"You need to get out of the program, Sam, by your own means. You need to be able to move and live a life outside the Government's protection. Truth is," Kira said, turning around enough to watch her. "We can't protect you. You can't go back to who you were. So, you are basically alone." Sam blanched.

"What if I can't?"

"You'll have time. I know this won't happen quickly. But you need to set up something else for you and her."

"How can I?"

"I don't know… Aren't you good at something else than whatever you did? There's another thing too, you'll need to get a new set of identities every three months or so. That's when the undercover security detail is retrieved. I'll do my best to keep that team clean, but …"

"You don't know if there's someone involved there either."

"Yeah. Also, you can't contact your teammates. If you do, they might act thinking you're up to something. I know they had something on Colonel O'Neill too. So my guess is, they'll use it. I'm sure they have all the angles covered. Otherwise, you would never have found a way inside the program to start with."

"No wonder you said I needed coffee."

"So, the big question is… Do you have the means to get out of the program?"

"I'll guess we'll see."

**Friday, March 15, 2002**

It was almost midday when Jack and Jordan finally parked in front of Jack's home in Colorado Springs. After watching the news, Jack drove them to Louisiana silently, grabbed the rental, and got tickets back. The younger man had managed to sleep during the whole flight while Jack couldn't even think straight.

He was still debating with himself. Thinking that Sam's death could've been real. Or, it could be that she had finally settled in a new life. This was the end they were going to give to Jacob and Mark. An empty casket lowered with military honors into the ground. Closure.

He could only hope.

He entered the house, followed by the kid. The first thing he did was placing his phone on to charge. His message machine light signaled he had several messages waiting for him. His family most likely after seeing the same heartbreaking news he had.

Not ready to deal with something he wasn't sure happened, Jack showed Jordan to his office.

"Can I?" Jordan asked with bright eyes as he eyed the computer. Jack nodded and was surprised when the kid started to disassemble it. "Whoa, cool set up." The kid grinned, taking his head from under the desk. "You don't seem a nerd. Who set this up for you?"

"Major Carter did," Jack said. Jordan grinned. "How do you know her, anyway?"

"I told you before, I worked with her at some point. I'm sure her name wasn't Carter then." Jordan offered as he sat in the seat and plugged a thumb drive-in. He opened a few windows and found Jack's email. Then he clicked something. A bar filled quickly with a grin hue before the screen flickered. The video player opened. Sam's image took one side of the screen.

" _Happy anniversary, my love._ " Sam grinned before her expression became grim. "I _f you are seeing this, then it means our timeline is about to be over. Jack, I want you to know that this past week, you've made me the happiest woman in the entire universe_."

"I guess now I know why you care so much," Jordan said, stopping the video.

"How the fuck? I deleted that!"

"Not well enough, it seems. No worries, she wrote the retrieval software. I can see you deleted it from your email inbox and from the trash can. She sent this soft to me when she deleted my whole computer back when we met." Jordan grinned.

"Could someone else access it?"

"No. It says here it was a complex recovery. I've only seen in this in this software. So you're good." Jack's phone rang then.

"Can you try to find where did it come from?" Jack asked as he left the room.

"I can try!" Jordan shouted. "But I'm sure I won't be able to…" He muttered to himself.

Jack reached for his phone as it stopped ringing. He sighed as checked the long list of missed calls. The last one was from Daniel. Taking a deep breath. He called him back.

Jack listened to Daniel's concerned words about how it might be a mistake. How it should be a mistake. There was nothing Jack could say to make his friend feel better. If he did, Jack would be giving away the truth. Or at least the reason why she left in the first place.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, Daniel," Jack said as he walked back to his office. "Yeah, I can't believe she's gone either." Jordan turned around then, with a frown. "Listen, Daniel. I have tons of calls I need to make. Including Hammond to know how much he knows about this."

Jordan watched the older man as he clenched his jaw harshly. "Thanks. Bye." Jack ended the call and sighed. Jordan watched Jack for a while, considering what to do with what he knew.

"Did you find anything?" Jack asked.

"No. I'm sorry. It's untraceable."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. I'm sorry you went so out of your way and I can't give you anything better than that." Jordan grimaced.

"Well, she said it was. So, I'm not that much surprised." Jordan stood up and grabbed his thumb drive.

"Is it safe?" Jack asked. "My computer?"

"It's one of the best setups I've seen. Normally the deletion of files can be easily recovered. But somehow your delete is far more powerful than any other."

"Cool. Come on, I'll drive you to the airport. We can grab a bite there."

"So, you two were really close, huh?" Jordan asked out of the blue. "I mean... If she set your computer and all…."

"Yeah, we were close."

"So, are you in some weird shit too? Because I know she's into some weird shit."

"Is?" Jack frowned. Jordan smiled brightly and shrugged before he turned around, avoiding Jack's eyes.

"Was…" he said. "Are you under surveillance?"

"Theoretically, I'm not."

"Did you love her?" Jordan asked out of the blue. Jack couldn't help but give him a sad smile.

"More than anyone out there."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find her for you."

"Me too, kid. Me too."


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, since I have permission to break your hearts until the happy end, I'll advise bringing tissues for the beginning of this one. :P

**Friday, March 29, 2002**

The weather outside is awful. Jack donned his heavy winter coat under the steady gaze of Teal’c. The reason was simple. They were going out to lay Sam to rest, horrible weather be damned. It’s not like he had any said on the matter, even if he should have. Besides Jack’s family, no one knew that Major Samantha Carter was also Mrs. O’Neill. So, as it was expected, her remains went to the Carters.

They had tried to reach out to the Tok’ra but with Jacob out of the radar, the burden of her burial fell to Mark. For some reason, her brother hadn’t had any better idea than lay her to rest in the Arlington National Cemetery. Effectively excluding most of SGC personnel from her burial.

It had surprised Jack that Hammond had managed to authorize him, Daniel, Janet and even Teal’c with enough leave days to make the trip. Or maybe it wasn’t a trouble because they seemed to be badly affected for the news.

However, none of them believed she was gone. They all can believe the story that was published, but they can’t believe her luck finally ran out.

Jack knew deep in his gut that this thing is just that. Another story, another cover-up in their lives. One that told him she was safe wherever she ended up. At least that was he hoped.

Still, he gulped down harshly when Daniel joined him in the lobby, with a black suit to express his loss. Janet joined them later, with an equally darkly attired Cassie.

They walked in silence to the rental that was waiting for them and drove to Arlington. Each lost in their own thoughts. They parked in the appointed area and with a final collective sigh; they exited the car. Jack threw the keys to Daniel. Just in case, he decided to linger behind them. Gathering his strength to face what was coming.

Jack strolled down behind his friends. He wasn’t sure how Mark would react seeing him there. He found Mark. He looked like a kid who’d figured out that he was all alone in the world. ‘Perhaps he is’, Jack thought. Seeing that it would be easy to believe not even Sam’s burial was reason enough to bring Jacob Carter out from wherever he hides. 

Mark’s kids are sitting in the front row, eyes looking at the horizon. Jack wondered if they would remember their Aunt as the vibrant young woman that visited them over a year earlier. He wondered if they would have any recollection of Sam at all.

He took a deep breath. Maybe Mark’s kids were the ones with better footing in this damned situation. They didn’t really know her that much. They wouldn’t have to feel the void. He knew all the people who knew her would. They wouldn’t grieve for her in the same way Cassie would.

It was her sister-in-law who recognized him. She walked towards him. Stopping beside Jack and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said sympathetically. “Of all of us, you must be the most hurt.” Linda pointed out. Jack couldn’t do much more than nod.

He couldn’t say anything. Even if he hoped, what was the point of giving all of them the burden of hoping for something that might never happen? Hoping for her return was something he would carry alone. Allowing them to live a life where Sam Carter was no more.

He remained standing, fighting the cold of the wind, and the freezing drizzle that fell relentlessly, chilling them all. The ceremony ended, and Jack still remained.

Daniel herded their friends back to the car. Allowing Jack one more minute. He knew his friend needed more than just one more minute. But that’s all he could do for now.

“She said she would be back to visit, she promised” Mark said. Stopping next to Jack, who clenched his jaw tightly. “Why did she have to leave me?” he asked, his voice breaking with loss.

Jack took a deep breath. He wondered the same, and his heart broke all over again.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Mark.”

“I’m sorry for yours,” Mark answered back. “Do they know you were happy together?” Jack shook his head no.

“No one knew. Well, your father does. It was too new when she was transferred out of Colorado.”

“Where did she go? Do you know?” Mark asked, looking at him.

“No one knows. All we were told was that she was reassigned. We didn’t learn anything else about her or her career until…” Jack waved. Mark sighed.

“Dad used to disappear on us for months. He would come home and say, ‘it’s classified.’ I fucking hate those words. But I guess that’s what it was like for her too?”

“If that’s the explanation, then I don’t have enough clearance to know myself.” Jack grimaced.

“You know, it took me this long to get this thing ready, because I can just feel she isn’t gone. Here,” he said, placing his hand over his heart. “Do you?”

“I can’t accept she is gone, Mark. You are not alone in that.” Jack said. “I’m sorry we couldn’t find your dad.”

“I never thought he would be here.” Mark shrugged. “I can only hope Sam would’ve liked what I chose.”

“I guess she would,” Jack answered, knowing it wasn’t quite the truth.

“You think so?” Her brother asked, with such need that Jack can’t help but lie to him.

“I know so.”

**Sunday, May 12, 2002**

It’s been almost two months of being caged inside the last safe house. When Kira finally announces she was going to be set free.

“It’s about damn time!” Sam groused.

“Gee, someone’s in a mood…”

“I’ve been stuck inside this place for the past forty-five days. Yeah, it’s a nice farm and all, but I’m sick of it! I’m tired of being stuck here doing nothing.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Do you?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, not really. But I couldn’t let you out of here without letting you lie low first. Now that the news of your demise is finally old news. We can move you to a better place.” Kira shrugged, giving her the folder.

Sam knew there was someone else somewhere. Because there was always a fresh batch of vegetables and anything she would need sitting on the kitchen island every morning. When she came downstairs. She also knew, thanks to a walk with Kira during the few nights the woman came around. That this wasn’t a real safe house, but the house of someone she knew.

Sam also knew she couldn’t really blame the woman for keeping her hidden. There had been enough issues with planting a fake identity around her when she was only known in some circles of society. It had become even more complex now that they had made her image go viral in every living room around the country.

“Really?” Sam frowned in confusion.

“Well, you said you had the skills. I thought you would like to use them.”

“It’s like hiding a needle in a haystack.”

“That’s what I thought too.”

**Wednesday, May 15, 2002**

Now more than ever, Jack wondered what the fuck he did wrong in the world. Although, he hoped now that Daniel was part of the ascended beings. He would figure out where Sam was and keep an eye on her. At least he could add that to his list of hopes.

Daniel is gone, Sam is gone… now he had two spaces to fill in his team. The alien that asked to join them seemed like a good choice. Though it left him wondering if he was unable to relate to any other human being from Earth. Since a year, two months and two days later, he still couldn’t find someone to fulfill Sam’s place.

To make matters worse, McKay was ordered back. He had been annoying his way onto SG-1. That was one thing Jack couldn’t allow to happen. He disliked the man enough as it was, but to have to deal with him on a daily basis. That was more than Jack could deal with.

Above all, he missed her. He missed the banter and the quick smiles. Her mesmerizing blue eyes and the reassuring feeling he got that everything would be all right. No matter how screwed up things were to begin with.

He wondered if she missed him as much as he did her. If she felt the painful cravings of him as much as he craved to see her again. He wondered if he would ever be able to get over her. Then he shook his head. He wouldn’t ever be over her. He knows… Deep down; he knows. She’s the best thing that’s happened in his life, after Charlie.

Sam and Charlie. They are both gone now. The only one who understood him outside his own family was gone now, too. Jack knows he needs to learn to live again. But can he do it? Did he have the strength to overcome this? He wondered.

**Saturday, May 18, 2002**

Sienna and Isabella Danvers arrive in the big apple in time to walk around Central Park, after settling into their new house a day earlier. Sienna is a strawberry blonde with long hair. In the past year, Sam’s hair had grown way past the short regulation length. She finds herself relearning how to braid it without it looking too military tight.

Sienna Danvers also owns an auto repair shop near 103 Street station. At E102nd St and Park Ave, to be precise. The shop is downstair and their three bedrooms, two bath apartment is good enough for them.

Just as she had said. Kira managed to get a few extra thousands in Sam’s allowance of sorts. So, now, after closing up the shop. Sam cleaned herself up and dressed Parker warmly, before she walked them the block and a half separating them from the Metro Station.

They are hiding in plain sight and she knew it. There were only two places where she could have ended up after the whole issue with her picture. Any version of the ‘city that never sleeps’ was good. Vegas, however, was out of the question for now because it was too close to Area 51.

Now, in New York, no one batted an eye as she walked inside the Metro and stood close to the several dozen people who polluted the city. Millions of people walked around in Manhattan every day. Most of them minding their own business and paying no attention to anyone around them. No one paid attention to her either.

She found the parts she needed to set up a computer powerful enough. One that wouldn’t cost her a small fortune. She needed to start developing something she could sell. She needed to learn how to set up an offshore company. Then several dozen, so she could create a protective net around the one she would use as a front.

She added to her purchases, several burner phones. With having picked up all she needed, she walked back home. Leaving everything on the floor by the entrance. She divested herself of her jacket before freeing Parker from her stroller.

She picked Parker up, noticing how big her baby was now. “Sweet P, I can’t believe you are already five months old…” she whispered as she undressed her. As she bathed Parker, she wondered how different things would be if Jack was beside her. She gulped. There wasn’t a day she didn’t miss him. There was an ache inside her that was too stubborn to go away.

Once cleaned and dressed, Sam made herself comfortable enough to feed her. Parker clenched to her breast. Sam couldn’t help feeling a mix of awe and pain. She caressed her daughter’s cheek as the girl started to get drowsy.

Sam wondered if she would look like Jack. If there would be things that would point to exactly who her father was. She whimpered. She felt so utterly alone.

She knew she would be devastatingly alone, the moment she stood inside that apartment four hundred and thirty-one days earlier. At least back then, she still believed the program could protect her somehow. Now, she knew that wouldn’t be the case.

She had learned to distrust people more and more as she grew up. But now, she had to become almost paranoid. Who could she trust? How can you figure out who is clean, when you don’t know how dirty they are to start with? Or what makes them dirty?

Parker fell asleep. So she moved her to the crib in her own room. She turned the baby monitor on. Decided on a quick dinner and a shower before she had to start.

By two am, Sam had her computer going. Now, she only needed to find a way to retrieve the drive that she had sent to a PO Box in Miami, and she would be completely set. Once her drive was back into her hands, she could figure out what was going on inside the SGC. Along with taking another peek inside the Pentagon.

Yet, she could only sit still for so long. So, she grabbed one of the burner phones and dialed the number of the only person she trusted nowadays.

“I need you.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No kleenex needed... this is not a drill.

**Thursday, July 4, 2002**

This year, for the first time since landing the job at the Stargate Command, Jack doesn't want to go to General's Hammond Independence Day party. He has absolutely nothing to celebrate. He feels that the same independence that they all have, is slipping away from him with each passing day.

All of it related to the Stargate Command.

First, Sam. Her involvement in the program is what pushed them to force him to take her to that safe house. He regrets it every single day. He has to live without her smile, now. Daniel ascended for them. Cassie lost yet another parental figure because of Daniel's sacrifice.

Sure, when he started at Cheyenne Mountain, he was basically alone. Yeah, he knew Charlie and Lou and had that "onetime" mission with Daniel too. But as his team began to form, and the SGC became a more permanent fixture in his life, things changed.

As time went by, people at the SGC became almost family to him. His relationship with General Hammond was like none he'd had with any commanding officer before. What had started out as a suicide mission transformed into a work-life, filled with people he loved and who loved him back. Joyful missions mixed with the complexity of the Goa'uld war. Love and loss always supported by the presence of his friends.

The list of people that the SGC had bought into his life was long, Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, Cassie... Sam... The SGC had brought her into his life. That cocky Captain with a chip on her shoulder, that had become the beautiful woman that had shown through under all that bravado. The woman he loved with every ounce of his being.

He misses her terribly. There's not a single day she doesn't cross his mind. However, to his utter dismay, he's learning how to live without her. Even if it still hurts so damn much. He's equally terrified of forgetting her as he is of remembering her. He's forgotten some things already. If they didn't have so much video footage from missions, he would've forgotten even more.

Jack shakes himself. He doesn't want to go, but he is still parked in front of his CO's house. He's there struggling while people go by. They're going on with their lives. They've all had losses, but they're learning to live with them.

At least, he thinks, he's not alone.

**Monday, August 12, 2002**

Sienna and Isabella Danver's three months limit is around the corner. Sam had managed more than she thought possible. She still doesn't have enough money to pay for Jordan's time. So they are both working in tandem to complete their software.

She smiles. As she types the last lines of code, their accounting software needs to work. They made it in no time, and she can't believe it. She can't believe she's also the owner of three offshore companies that will grow to several more in her next life.

She knows all the efforts of this life won't be enough, not to get out of the program. At least she can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Kind of… With what she learned from Kira, she was forced to bring anything that would help her out of the program to the forefront. Leaving her with little time to investigate further what's going on with the NID. As she was doing before they had abruptly ended her life.

She sighs. She's had to make some hard decisions. Postponing her investigation to regain her life as Samantha Carter was easily outweighed. Sam needed to make a front that would help her keep not only herself, but Parker protected. All in all, it wasn't that hard to decide.

She opens her chat software on the hidden server. She notices Jordan is still online.

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Software is done. I'll be out of reach for a while._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _What do you mean with 'for a while'?_

Sam smiles. She hasn't exactly told him what's going on. She knows she needs his help, but she doesn't want to risk him any more than she already has. So there are half-truths and lots of unanswered doubts between them. Still, somehow, he trusts her.

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Until I can connect again. I'll send a message when that happens._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _What about your drive? Will you have me find it halfway across the country again?_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _xD you write that as if it was a bad idea. I rented a PO Box in your town. It will be there when the time comes._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Why are you so damn weird?_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Says one hacker to another one…_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _xD Okay, don't answer if you don't want to… I'm rolling my eyes btw._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Take care, Jnerd. I'll contact you soon_.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Wait!_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Before you go… I've been wanting to tell you something, I didn't know how…_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Write it down… you know, one key after another…_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Ha. Ha. You are hilarious._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _I try_ _xD_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _O'Neill._

Sam blinks at the name staring at her and takes a deep breath.

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _What about him?_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _He came looking for me a few months back…. You know, when you 'died'._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _You know I'll have to wipe clean this chat several times after we are done, right?_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _You would do it, anyway. So, I used your retrieving soft…_

Sam looks at the screen. Because of the secrecy of their jobs, she had set Jack's computer. She installed software that would deep delete and override the allotted space to keep anyone from trying to get deleted data from his computer. Her retrieval software went beyond the usual attempts at recovery, so she couldn't help the grimace.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _He deleted this one video…_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _So you and him, huh?_

Sam sighed.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Come on! I won't tell a soul!_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Jnerd… I can't…_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Why not?_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _If I tell you that's more than you need to know, or it's too risky, would you stop this line of questioning?_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Not a chance!_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _It can put your life in danger, so I will tell you that I know him. We were very close._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Well, if the 'happy anniversary, my love' is something to go by, I'll say you were more than just *very* close._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _I'm serious. I won't tell you more and forget you saw that video at all._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Hey, I'm not judging… I'd just like to know if I can trust him._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _You can. I do with my life. But you can't tell him anything about this, or me._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _But why? The man was devastated when he learned you were 'dead'._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Devastated?_

Sam flinched. An image of the entity who had returned to Earth as Jack once, fleeted through her mind. That was one of the most painful images of Jack she could remember (even if it wasn't him)

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Yeah. He asked me to locate you, but as you already know I couldn't trace you. You are that good!_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _I can't risk him. I can't risk you._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _He hasn't come back searching for me. I just thought you needed to know. Since you are going to clean this whole thing._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Thank you, Jnerd. I appreciate it._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _I don't think he believes you are dead… If you ask me. I'm sure if someone can get an untraceable message to someone… That'd be you._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _I can't._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _You sure about that? I gotta go._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Yeah. Me too. I'll write when I'm back, you know the plan._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Yup, I'll move what I can and I'll wait for your return, 😊 ._

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Thank you, Jnerd. You have no idea how much you are helping me_.

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _You kidding, right? I get to befriend the Grand Empress of Hacking! Who wouldn't do shit like this for you?_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _I'm not the Grand Empress of Hacking… And yes, I'm rolling my eyes._

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _We both know you are. No matter how military or scientific your *official* background is… Your code says otherwise. ;)_

&tn:GrandEmpress:&te: _Bye, Jnerd!_

&tn:Jnerd:&te: _Bye!_

Sam looked at her screen, then cleaned the chat. Yes, it was on a hidden server they both connected using several hundreds of IPs and MACs. She just wouldn't risk leaving any chat in there in case it was ever found. It was, after all, just hiding in plain sight as she was for the last few months.

She closed the connection, turned off the several apps she used to connect. Then powered down the computer and disassembled it. She placed now two drives in an envelope and grabbed a box she had hidden. Collecting the remaining burner phones she had around her home. She finally threw all the things in Parker's baby bag before she settled her daughter in her stroller.

The ache in her chest made itself noticeable. For what Jordan said, Jack hadn't accepted her death. If she knew him, he would be debating between that being a true or a lie made to confirm her new identity had stuck.

They strolled down Park Ave until she reached 94th St. Then she walked towards Madison Ave and entered the place she was looking for. For the past three months, she had come to buy stuff from the bookstore. The vendors knew her well enough, even if she never gave them her name.

"Hey, you're back." One young girl said as she spotted Sam. "What? No baby books today?" Sam grinned.

"Actually… No. I… can you point me to someone who could do me a huge favor?"

"What kind of favor? If I may ask…"

"I need to have a book sent, so it will arrive on a specific date to a specific place. I won't be available for that date. I really want to send it."

"Oh. Let me speak with my manager."

Sam waited as she checked the titles, searching for something special. Until she found it. She beamed at it as she grabbed it.

"You sure that's the one you want?" The manager said. Sam turned around.

"Will you be able to help me?" She asked hopefully.

"Well, I called the owner. As long as you pay for the book and the delivery, then we have no issues sending it."

"Great. That's awesome! I'll take this one… Do you have a card? You know one I can leave a note inside."

The woman smiled and pointed her to the several available options. She picked a simple one. It had a kid fishing in a pond. She added a message and tucked it in an envelope before sealing it closed. She paid for the book and a baby book she picked as a cover-up, the note, the delivery, and then left another hundred 'just in case'. She also left the instructions of when, where, and who clearly written.

"You have no idea how much this means to me." Sam smiled sadly. Grabbing the bag with the baby book.

"I'd say as much as it'll mean to him." The manager said with a knowing smile.

She left, threw a phone in a bin. Then she used one to dial a number she knew by heart.

 _"O'Neill."_ He answered, and she stopped breathing. _"Hello? Huh, must have been a butt dial."_ He said before ending the call from his side. She was still shocked after hearing him but managed to drop the phone in the next bin. Before walking towards the post office.

Leaving her two packages at the post office. She finally sighed and strolled home. She shook her head. Home was nothing like she knew it should be. But now home was so far away that not even the best mansion in the world would have her feeling as right as she should have. Nothing would ever compare to the feeling of Jack's embrace or the comradery of her friends. Nothing would ever feel as safe as before.

She entered her place. Searched her box of personal belongings. Then grabbed the handlers' phone before she dialed the only number in it.

_"782 Highland Terrace. Newark. NJ."_

**Sunday, August 25, 2002**

Norah and Amanda Sumner settled in a repair shop in Seattle a day earlier. Now, they were both strolling around downtown, finding what Sam needed for her new computer. She picks up a new set of burner phones. Hoping she'll be able to finish settling the offshore companies. Those will cover another set of offshore companies that will cover an LLC where her name doesn't appear.

Jordan knows all about this plan. He will be the face in front of her businesses. Her hope is to gain enough money to grow another company. Then, make her way into military contracts. So she can infiltrate herself, without them knowing who she is.

Her plan is to crawl in, just like the NID had grown. Her only hope is being smarter than them. Her main concern… the safety of her daughter.

Her drives are already on the way. With expedited shipping that promises her, she would have them by the next day. She can hardly wait to continue making progress.

She wants to know if Jordan had managed to recruit the several programmers and hackers he knows. Some aren't as good as he is, but they owe him. She's almost sure that if they think she's the one Jordan believes her to be (She is). They would jump at the idea of working with them.

Or at least she hopes they do.

She crawls into bed that night and breathes Parker in. There's not a day she doesn't miss Jack. At least, whenever she cuddles with Parker, she doesn't feel so alone.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep the Kleenex handy... Or that's what comments say :P

**Sunday, October 20, 2002**

Even if he is turning the big 5-0, he doesn't feel the cheery vibe that surrounds his parents' home. They've been trying to cheer him up, and he knows they have. But it's hard to be cheery when you've lost so much as he has. He'd had this image of him celebrating his 50th birthday with his friends. He would have even done the stupid birthday hat to make Cassie happy.

Instead, he'd asked for a leave. Coming back to his cabin to licks his wounds and hide. Connor comes to stand by him. For once, Jack's too tired to keep pretending.

"J… my offer still stands," He says and Jack nods.

"Thanks. Believe me, I'm keeping it in mind." Jack sighs.

To the whole family's surprise. A mail truck stops in front of the house. Joe, the postal carrier of their little town, gets down from his truck carrying a small package.

"Hey, I thought I'd find you here. Hope you don't mind." He says approaching Jack.

"Hi, Joe. Long time no see," Jack says, trying to remain polite.

"Listen, I went to your cabin, but it was empty. Since I was told this package had to be delivered today. Abby mentioned when I delivered their mail earlier this week, that they were throwing you a birthday party. The big five-oh ... huh? Congrats, man!"

"Joe…" Jack says tiredly. Connor tries not to laugh. "Just give me the package."

"I need you to sign it."

"Sure… whatever it takes," Jack says trying not to roll his eyes.

Joe handles him the form, then the package. He congratulates him once more before he finally leaves. Connor has a curious expression as they both eye the package.

"So? Who send it?" Jack frowns.

"The Corner Bookshop…" he says.

"Do you know it?"

"Not at all… this thing is in NYC." Jack struggles for a while. Trying to think about how they could possibly know his address back in Minnesota. He hasn't listed it, not even in his military records. His eyes widen with the only possibility his mind can offer.

"Jack?" Connor asks, frowning at Jack's widened eyes.

"You think you could keep them away from the study for a while?"

"Sure."

He walks inside the house. Making a beeline for the study. He looks up and remembers kissing her there. Before, he'd offered her a wedding in his small town.

He checks the wrapping. It says nothing else other than his address and name, and their address and company name. Still, he takes a huge amount of time carefully unwrapping it, without tearing the paper.

He doesn't know if he is supposed to laugh or cry when the result of his unwrapping is Daniel's book. He does both, shaking his head. He feels a bit of a disappointment when he doesn't find an inscription with her handwriting on the first page. But he realizes then he's touching something else on the back.

He turns the book around and sure enough, Daniel's picture is covered by an envelope that is stuck to the back cover of the book. It doesn't say anything, but it's sealed. So, he finds an opener and slides it carefully opened.

The image of a boy fishing on a pond warms his heart, even before he reads it. 'Have a fishing birthday' the card says in golden raised lettering. He opens it to find one of the things he misses a lot. Then, with the scribbling that is all hers, he finally feels the weight being lifted from his shoulders. He chuckles and cries. While hoping no one comes close to the room because he is a mess. There's no way in hell he would be able to fix himself in time.

_It's taken you 17.855 days to reach this very important day. I love you. I might not be there with you, but I'm celebrating your life. There's too much I want to say, but as usual, it's never the right time. One day, my love. One day I'll see you again. One day I'll hold you so tightly that every piece that was broken will be suddenly back in place. Just hold them all for me. I'll be there… One day._

_Magnets, Jack. They can't keep us apart forever. I love you,_

_Always._

There's a knock on the door before he notices the door cracking slightly open. Connor enters. He looks at the disheveled mess his older brother has become in the three hours that passed since he hid inside the study.

Jack raises his eyes and finds the understanding eyes of his brother. He gives him the note and sighs.

"Forgive me, father. Because I've sinned."

"Talk to me, Jack."

"It all started on March 7, 2001…."

**Friday, November 1, 2002**

It's too early for her to be ready to change lives again, but this time it seems she doesn't have a say in it. The call informing her she needs to present herself at a safe house in Washington, DC, comes completely out of the blue.

She writes to Jordan. To let him know she will disappear once more. She calls the lawyer she was using. She informs him that if she doesn't call back in two months; he needs to open the envelope she left for him. One that contains a document where she states she's Samantha Carter-O'Neill. That she and her daughter were put into witness protection, but they failed her. One that tells him to contact Colonel Johnathan Jack O'Neill, USAF. To inform him that he needs to find the daughter he doesn't know he has.

Washington, DC, sounds scarily wrong for her. But she takes apart her computer and sends it back to New Orleans. She throws away the phones and cleans anything that could compromise her.

As she does, Parker walks in circles on wobbly legs. As if imitating Sam's movements. Sam smiles. Parker is almost eleven months old and has been walking for a month and a half. Scaring the crap out of her as she did.

At least, she still doesn't understand why they rush out of places. Sam has been thinking of how to explain it to her, since the day she learned she was pregnant. Until now, the only thing she has come up with is calling her Sweet P or P. No one bats an eye when she does. Thinking she's calling her Pea. But in reality, she's trying to keep some sort of normalcy for her baby girl.

"Parker, baby, you and I are heading to a new adventure." She says and the girl dances. Sam grabs the few things she still carries around and drops Parker's favorites inside a new suitcase. She loads everything in the car. Sets up for a long drive to drop everything she needs, before heading for the airport. As they said she should.

Sam breathes when she notices the flight. It's a commercial flight filled to the brim. She goes through the new security policies. Someone points out that she looks like the woman who died in that test-fly at the beginning of the year. It's Parker's annoyed growl what gets her off the hook.

She's still restless during the entire flight and only feels a slight improvement when they touch the ground again. Only to remember they're in DC. Once she gets her suitcase, she notices a man with a Norah Sumner sign.

Dragging her suitcase and rolling her daughters' stroller, she approaches the man. He doesn't say a word before he takes the luggage. Walking them out of the airport towards a non-descript car. He still doesn't say a word after crossing half the city to bring her to a townhouse in Georgetown. Where he unloads the stroller and suitcase. He gets them up the stairs and rings the doorbell. As Sam gets out of the car, with Parker tightly settled in her arms.

"Hurry up!" Kira says, and Sam can breathe again.

Sam lowers Parker down, once the house's doors close behind them. She takes her coat off and when she hangs it up. She notices the dress blues hanging inside the closet. The medals look too damn equal to the ones her uniform carried. The ones she'd won.

"What the fuck?" She asks turning around, but Kira only blushes.

"I'm not sure. It was here when I arrived. That and a military issued duffel bag along with BDUs, boots. Well, pretty much anything one would expect to have if on duty"

"Kira, what's going on?"

"All I know is, it's coming from way up high," Kira says. Sam notices another jammer device in her hand. "Sam, I really don't know what's going on. They ordered me to bring you here and keep an eye on Parker. "

"Keep an eye on Parker?"

"Yeah. They said I should get a nanny too. That's all I know."

Two hours later, they are still no closer to find out what's wrong. There's still no information whatsoever. As to if she is getting back to her life or what the hell is going on. Sam's pretty sure it's not the first. Otherwise, Parker wouldn't need Kira as a nanny of sorts.

When the bell rings again. The tension inside of the house is so palpable that even Parker is restless. As the protocol said, is Kira the one opening the door. While Sam keeps herself away from the entrance.

"Davis?" Sam asks as soon as she turns around and spots him. He grimaces.

"Major Carter."

"Major Carter, my ass! The USAF killed me!" Sam grouses.

"I'm from intelligence, ma'am. We had no idea how that could've happened."

"So, what am I doing here?"

"We need your help." Sam laughs, not because she finds it funny. She finds it extremely ridiculous that they're searching for her now.

"No." She says.

"Major Carter, listen…." Davis stops and looks at Kira.

"I'll take Amanda into the other room," Kira says. It's just then that Davis notices the girl who wobbled two steps back as Kira neared.

"P, go with Auntie Kira," Sam sighs. Parker babbled something back. "Yes, P. It's nap time!" Sam could've sworn her girl was protesting, but she goes with Kira, nonetheless.

"You have a child." Davis states.

"Yes. What do you need?"

"We know you were the one in charge of organizing the Prometheus project. Someone has been giving out information to a journalist. She wants to publish it. We have agreed to show her the Prometheus, in an exchange for all the tapes and her silence."

"Then, show it to her! I haven't had a thing to do with that project for the past twenty months. Get your PM or the lead scientist to do it."

"There hasn't been one. They have slowed the project down because there's no one who understands it fully. Although, there are parts of it that have continued to develop."

"Even more reasons to send someone else."

"The JCS feels you'd be the best, because of your proven skills in managing confidential situations." She raises an eyebrow.

"Give me my life back and we'll see."

"I can't do that. That's out of my hands." Sam looks at him impassively. "Major, you can either do it because you want to do it. Or I can do what I don't want to do. They send me because you know me. But they send me with orders to get you there at all costs. I'm sorry." She laughs hysterically.

"This is too much," she says. "The JCS takes me away from everything I know. I've been eight different women since. Now they want to blackmail me into doing what they want? What can they possibly do to me they haven't done already?" She asks.

"I'm not sure," he says, but he gives her a closed envelope. Sam takes out a file and opens it. Clenching her jaw so tightly that she fears she might've broken her teeth. What the file shows her, is a picture of Jack. They aren't threatening her, they're threatening him. She feels her heart growing cold and her angriness burning.

"I'll need a weapon."

"No weapons."

"Fuck it, Davis. If my experience has taught me anything, it's that whenever someone comes up with something so out of the blue, it will end up with the worst-case-scenario. I'll want someone who has some idea of what's going on. So whoever it is, can put me up to speed. I'll need you to swear that SG-1 won't be involved."

"I can see to complete the first two. I can't promise anything with the last one."

"That one is a must. I'm already dead to them. Why would we risk a perfectly done cover-up, no matter who made it happen?"

"I'll do my best, Major. But you know they'll be the first on the scene if anything goes wrong. The SGC is the one overseeing the whole project after all."

"I can't be Major Carter. You need to give me another name."

"Why?" Davis frowns in confusion.

"In case something goes wrong."

"So, you're agreeing to it?"

"No. I'm not agreeing. You are forcing me to do it. Just tell me when we leave and who will take care of my daughter. While we are gone."

"I'll organize it, so your daughter can remain at the Nellis child-care. I'll pick you up at 1900. Use your dress blues, we're taking a shuttle. I'll have a name then."


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready??

**Friday, November 1, 2002**

"Major Barnett," Sam says, with a raised eyebrow as they drive to Andrews. Her chocolate hair is braided tightly. Parker is looking at her as if she somehow became a different person. She knows something changed. She knew it as she donned her, well… Major Vivian Barnett's dress blues.

Betrayal piled up with a huge number of things. Things that have been hanging on her shoulders since she left the SGC on March 7th, 2001.

Davis just smiles. "She is an actual Major, Major."

"Can you stop with the Major thing?"

"Well, _Vivian_ ," Davis says and Sam rolls her eyes. "Something tells me you're more worried about little Lilly over there. So, in case something goes wrong, as you think it will. I saddled you with the names of someone who actually exists. So you won't need to worry about her safety." Sam takes a deep breath.

"Thank you, Paul. You have no idea what that means to me." She says honestly.

"Now, in the unlikely event that something goes wrong. Who should I contact?" He asks in concern.

All he knows is that she's off the radar. Pulling her into this. Was his way of trying to convince the JCS that they needed her back in her position inside the SGC. Sam doesn't know that the resignation letter she saw in her folder was placed in there by the same man that is looking at her with knowing eyes. Just like he had placed there the recall to active duty once she went off-grid. Protecting both Jack's and her careers with that.

"Two hundred. Four, nine, one. Twenty-four. Sixty-two." She says. "Got it?"

"Two hundred. Four, nine, one. Twenty-four. Sixty-two." Davis repeats. "Idaho?" he asks, but she doesn't answer. "Don't worry, I won't write it down."

"You can. It's a messenger system. It won't lead you to my past months. Just leave a number so they can track you down. They'll call when it's time if needed."

"Should I even ask?" She clenches her jaw.

"I wouldn't if I was you."

**Saturday, November 2, 2002**

"Hi, I'm Jonas Quinn. You must be Major Vivian Barnett." The man says and Sam breathes. She was sure she would end up meeting someone she knew, but this man she hasn't seen before in her life.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Quinn." She says offering her hand. "Major Davis said, you would be my source of information about the status of the Prometheus project."

"Right to business," Jonas smiles. "It's just Jonas."

"Then it's just Vivian, Jonas." She smiles tightly, and he frowns. He is sure he has seen her smile somewhere. "Something wrong?"

"No. Major Davis mentioned you were acquainted with the start of the program, so I should just skip until the last nineteen months."

"Yes." She says.

"I joined this program not so long ago. I'm up to speed now. Where do you want to start?"

"Anywhere is fine by me."

Jonas starts a lengthy explanation of the advances in the project as they move across the ship. If he's honest, this is the first time he's been there that there isn't anyone around but him and her. It's weird.

"Level seven is still under construction. It's scheduled to be finished by the end of this month. Pressurization of this level should be available then. "

"I'll keep myself out of level seven if we get into orbit." She jokes. He smiles.

"Sublight engines are finished." Jonas points out. "We are still working out the hyper-drive. It took a while and a huge loss to prepare the Naquadria reactor core. That was set up as part of the hyper-drive."

"Naquadria?" She frowns.

"It's a radioactive isotope of Naquadah. It's far more powerful than raw Naquadah."

"Is it stable?"

"No. But there's a buffer installed so the reactor won't go into a critical state due to Naquadria's inherent instability."

"Can you show me the calculations?"

She takes in as much information as she can from the current status of the Prometheus. She thinks Naquadria is too unstable to be a perfect fit for their needs, but it's not her risk to take anymore. This Jonas Quinn seems to be quite knowledgeable on the subject.

When Julia Donovan arrives that afternoon for her tour on the Prometheus, Sam is more than ready to be done with the whole thing. But, just as she forethought, there are issues.

First with Julia Donovan. Sam notices the exact moment the woman recognizes her. A hard stare makes the reporter stop herself from commenting or questioning. She knows, at some point, she'll have to speak with her. Sam also knows things are going to hell when two of the crew members exchange a knowing look after seeing her.

She looks at Davis and nods to the side. "Major, I don't think this is a good idea." She whispers.

"I don't either, Major, but we both have our orders." She risks a glance towards the crew. "We ran background checks on them. They all seem to be clean." Sam snorts in her mind, 'seems to be clean' it's not good enough for her. Not now, when anyone could be from whatever extension of the Government that is behind her situation. She nods but says nothing else. She knows Davis, but just like with everyone else… She doesn't know if she can trust him anymore.

So, she leads the way down with the knot in the pit of her stomach growing larger and tighter with every single second that goes by. Her gut feeling is right. Soon, she finds herself locked in a storage room on level seven. She heard the internal chatter, and she figures out she locked herself in one of the few non-pressurized floors of the whole damn ship.

'It won't be long,' she thinks. Davis and his crew topside should figure out something is terribly wrong. By the time when she manages to contact them, they already know what's going on. Davis tells her she needs to get out of the level she's in or she might not make it.

The way Major Davis stresses her fake name when he tells her that help is on the way, sends all kinds of alerts to her body. She can't, and she won't allow that to take control of her. Not when she still needs to cut through Trinium. Get herself to level eight and to try to keep them grounded. Not when her daughter is still somewhere on Nellis waiting for her return.

Shortly afterward she finds herself being cornered by the two men that were part of the TV crew. "Major Carter, we thought you were out of our reach." One says before he's zatted. Then she sees the only person she wants to hug more than anything in the world.

Teal'c looks shocked at seeing her. Jack simply clenches his jaw to keep feelings at bay. He looks at her and they have a second's long conversation without uttering a word. She nods.

"Report?" he asks, and she tells him what she knows.

It's not long after that they finally have control over the ship. They are lost somewhere in space thanks to the instability of Naquadria. Jack's pissed and she knows it. She's even more pissed at the whole situation. To give her some space and to take some himself. He appoints Teal'c to join him, to secure the prisoners in one of the many rooms available.

" _Barnett_. Report?" Jack growls when he returns. She looks at him, trying not to flinch under his gaze. Besides Jonas Quinn and Julia Donovan, it's just them. Her old team. Her friends and family. She feels the weight of his words more than he notices.

"Nothing new since the last time you asked, sir." Sam hisses. Jack raises his eyebrow, not amused with her answer, nor the way she answered him.

"Why don't we all just cut the crap for a second. We know that's Major Carter." Julia Donovan points out and Jonas smiles.

"So that's why you looked familiar!" he adds, making Sam frown.

'Well fuck,' she thinks.

"I thought you were dead," Julia adds. Sam simply shrugs. "So, no comments?" She doesn't have time to dwell. Thor joins them, asking for a favor that will take at least a week.

When everyone else is beamed down off the Prometheus. Sam knows she's in for another adventure she had no say in. So, she requests the plans Thor has to make the dilation field device. Then she hides in another room.

She shakes her head and lets herself fall against one door. The cold of the metallic structure sends shivers down her spine. Sam hides her face in her hands and sighs. Things would've been way more complex. The stress she had on her had forced her to stop breastfeeding Parker over a month ago.

She had poured through medical books and pages, trying to find out the reason why her milk wasn't enough. She saw a doctor. He had been unable to figure it out. When it dried up, she blamed it on her own messed up chemistry. That didn't stop the guilt other mothers made her feel, telling her it was too soon to stop. Or how poorly she felt about being unable to provide that to Parker.

"What the fuck will they do with you, P?" she mutters.

At least, she knows Parker won't be suffering through being weaned. While she's stuck somewhere across the galaxy when she wasn't even supposed to be alive.

She shakes herself. It won't be long before someone comes to find her. She still wants to know where the hell is Daniel. She stands up and starts working. So far, working has been the only thing keeping her sane. Work… And Parker.

"Fuck," Sam whispers hours later. When she feels him entering the room.

She's hiding from him as much as he's hiding from her. It's utterly painful to know they're in the same place to save the universe once more. And that it will only end up in the same way it started. With her not being there at the end of the day.

She's beyond pissed. Her daughter is somewhere in Las Vegas. Approachable by anyone who could get to her, if they knew who she was. That was another reason she'd asked Davis for a different name. She's glad he'd thought it through.

Her brow is furrowed deeply. It grows deeper under his watch. He wants to know, but he doesn't dare to ask. Too afraid of whatever it's happening in her life is too painful for her to share it.

"Davis said to Hammond, that Barnett would be a great asset to this mission because of her technological skills. That she shouldn't worry about her post in Nellis. That it will safely wait for her when she returns. Hammond said Davis vowed he would take care of it himself. Quite a vehement statement for a post, if you ask me."

Sam chuckles dryly and cleans a stubborn tear off her cheek. She knows Davis is talking about Parker, without giving her away.

"He is not talking about a post." She states. Jack looks at her, not pushing for more information. "I was nowhere near the Air Force until this shit happened. I knew it was wrong the moment Davis came visiting. I tried to convince him it was a bad idea."

"Well, I guess we have a lousy track record trying to convince intelligence and the JCS not to do something."

"Well, I'm here. Aren't I?" She shrugs. "Where's Daniel?" Sam dares to ask, after a while of them standing in silence. Almost as if the past twenty months haven't swept them off their feet and turned their lives upside down. Jack clenches his jaw so tight that Sam knows whatever it's coming it won't be good.

"He ascended," Jack answers dryly.

"Ascended?"

"Yup. Became one of those light-y beings." She frowns and observes him. She sees the thin lines of worry, the grey hairs mixing up with his brown. The way he seems more weary and tired than she had ever seen him before.

"I'm sorry." She says.

"Me too," he nods.

There are no cameras. No Security footage, not even frat rules because she's officially dead. Still, they only share a tight hug. Just like she wrote not so long ago, it feels like home. It still feels like home.

The pieces of themselves feel almost whole. Though they both know those will break again. They mold into one for the few moments they grasp on to each other for dear life. It's not near enough, but it's all they have. She feels a tear dampening her neck. She knows his shirt is also sporting some tears. They hear footsteps nearing and they must part.

Sometimes it seems that letting go of each other is meant to be the only constant in their lives. They let go, and he walks away, letting her back to work.

Yes, they've spent the last twenty months apart. However, he still knows her. He would've sent Jonas to send her to bed if he hadn't already tried that approach. Only to learn she didn't follow the advice. So, it's a few days later when walks the corridors of the Prometheus with one thing in mind. Taking Sam to bed...

'Her bed. Not yours,' he thought, shaking his head.

"Carter," He says. She squares her shoulders. She's been distancing herself from him for the past few days because if she's honest, the one thing she wants more than returning to life is being in his arms. They can't have that.

"Sir..." she answers more out of habit than respect. They share a small, half-amused grimace at their exchange. He offers her his hand, and doubting for a second, she takes it.

Jack pulls her close. Still, too far away from him that they aren't really touching. "Come on, let's get you to bed." he smiles. He can see she's utterly tired. "You need to get some rest before we go headfirst into whatever's going to happen." She smiles, and he thinks he can see a faint blush on her cheeks.

They walk hand in hand to the quarters she has assigned herself. They're far away enough from anyone else almost to announce she doesn't want to share closer quarters with them. When they get there, he looks at her for a second. She thinks he's going to kiss her. His other hand raises to her cheek. She can't help but lick her lips and part them slightly.

Instead, he caresses her cheek softly. She closes her eyes, reveling in the feeling of his warm hand against her heating skin. "Sam," he whispers. It's so low that for a second, she thinks it was in her imagination. When she opens her eyes, there's desire and love in his.

Overwhelmed by the feelings she sees, Sam smiles. She tugs the hand that's still clenched in hers to bring him closer. While her other hand searches his head and lowers it to her lips. He drowns in her and she takes a moment to open the door behind them. Taking a couple of steps inside.

She pushed him to the bed. He falls with an ungraceful "Oomph!" but he can't be bothered by it because she's straddling him. Her lips devouring him. She helps him get rid of his jacket and his dark t-shirt. Then, she makes a quick work of his pants. He chuckles, stopping her fast hands from continuing the task.

"What?" She says.

"Just… Slow down." He whispers before he kisses her. He gets rid of her jacket and he's about to get rid of her t-shirt when she remembers she'd carried a baby. Despite not having any stretch marks to prove it, she's not exactly in the fit shape, she was the last time they were together. She stills his hands.

"Something wrong?" He asks breathily. She sucks her lower lip with an embarrassed blush. "Hey, Sam…" Jack whispers and caresses her face lovingly. "If you don't want to do this…"

"I do!" She says eagerly because damn if that wasn't the truth. "It's just… I… Can we turn off the lights?" He frowns confused for a second but if lights are what's bothering her. He won't complain about them.

"Sure." She feels a bit stupid. He's there, covered only by his boxers and noticeably excited. There she's standing up to turn off the lights. When she does, she feels a bit more relaxed knowing that if he touches some changes. He won't see them, he won't comment on them either. She loses her shirt and her pants before she straddles him again.

He turns her on the bed and slowly kisses his way down. Until her hands are guiding him where she wants him the most. He licks, laps, kisses her until one finger finds its way inside her. It's been so long that in two thrusts of it, she comes moaning his name.

She tugs his head; so he would find his way up. She turns the table on him. She lowers herself on him slowly. He can't help the gasp that comes out of his mouth. She rocks her hips slowly, tempting him, teasing him beyond control. With all restraint lost, he rolls her over and thrust hard. Causing a gasp to escape both of them. He knows he has no protection. When he feels he's about to come, he tries to stop. But her heels dig deep, forbidding him from anything but the spams that follows.

"I'm sorry, I missed your birthday," she whispers then. Once he's nothing more than a lump over her and she's caressing his back and hair. Bringing goosebumps with every touch.

"You are here now." He says.

They cuddle. When he wakes up a few hours later, she's long gone. His heart breaks a little. There's work to be done. They need her to finish what she's doing before they can get that thing behind their backs. Maybe get back home in one piece. What happened that night doesn't repeat itself.

By the end of the mission, Jack notices there's something oddly cold about Sam. He knows his old Carter would have had mixed feelings about what they've done. He sees them floating around her. He knows he too has mixed feelings about the whole betraying Fifth ordeal and how long he was in Sam's mind.

However, as he observes her dealing with the aftermath. He realizes the 'something cold' was in her already. Had been there since the moment he spotted her days earlier. Jack wonders how fucked up things are for her. That she had to grow an extra wall to protect her wonderfully naïve inner side.

No matter how cold she seems. He's more than happy to have seen her. To have embraced her, and shared her bed, after so many months alone. At least he was. Until they were beamed out of the Prometheus and she wasn't beamed back to the SGC.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I was supposed to post this on Sunday. Then work happened and it's not until 2 am of now that I finally wrapped my Sunday.  
> Enjoy!

**Thursday, November 14, 2002**

"Congratulations," Davis said. The moment he noticed Sam entering the room by her reflection in the cupboard.

"Where is she?"

"Napping. She's lovely, Major."

"I thought we were over the Major thing, Paul. I'm not USAF anymore, remember?" Sam said. "Can you point me to my daughter? I need to see her."

"Go ahead, second door to the right."

As Paul had said, Parker was napping. She wondered if her daughter will have any recollection of being left behind for as little as thirteen days. That for Sam it had her felt like months away. She lightly caressed Parker's cheek and her baby sighed contentedly. She hoped Paker wouldn't remember. Besides, what are two weeks of stressing without mom next to you? When you stress every day with her around? Sam thought.

She walked out again. A cup of coffee greeted her.

"Kira mentioned, I would need a jammer device if I was going to bring Parker with me. So, there are several placed around the house. How did you convince the Supreme Commander to drop you here?"

"I guess I need to report back to you?" She asked cautiously, with a raised eyebrow. He is, after all, the one who summoned her. The one who told her where she should beam herself back, if possible. To not alert the entire SGC of the current 'not-dead' status.

"Not really, you aren't a USAF officer anymore, right? I was just curious." He smiled at her.

There's something Paul noticed that had changed with her. Since the last time he had seen the Major, there's an extra caution to her movements now. An extra layer of mistrust in her every word. But the more telling thing is that she hasn't smiled since he saw her. Since he recalled her for a mission that put her back in her blues. Then, next to her former team….

Paul clenched his jaw. He knew there was something off with the whole getting her out of the SGC thing. Now he felt responsible for a whole additional layer of pain. One he had brought over her and the two remaining members of the original SG-1. The two who had lost her once already.

Sam studied him as she noticed he was lost in thought. There was one thing that made her hold a sigh. She saw regret.

"Thor needed me to build something in a less advanced way. Even less advanced that we currently could. When he dropped off the blueprints. I asked him if he could beam me back to the coordinates you gave me. Instead of the SGC as Colonel O'Neill had agreed to."

"Just like Colonel O'Neill to ask for a beam back to the SGC. When you didn't even know if you'd survive." He said light-heartedly. Trying to get any other emotion out of her, other than apathy. It didn't work, however.

"You know one shouldn't go into battle thinking they won't survive. Or they won't. Nice house, by the way. Doesn't look like the many safe-houses I've been before."

"It's my mother's house. Major," he said. Then sighed, "Sam… I've tried to convince the JCS that you're better back at the SGC. I'll try to convince them, using this mission as leverage. I'm with O'Neill on this one. I think you are better for us if you are back as Samantha Carter." She shook her head and chuckled unamused.

"Good luck. But I wouldn't even try if I was you." Sam huffs. "You won't make it, if you do, Paul," she added with finality.

"I won't make it?" He frowned. "You know something."

"More than I should," Sam agreed. 'Yet, not enough,' she thought.

"You can trust me. You know that, right?"

"I can trust no one else. There are very few people who I truly trust," She states. Her voice was devoid of any emotion.

"Colonel O'Neill." Davis pointed out. She didn't give herself away.

"Do you know when they'll be taking me back?" Sam asked. If only to get away from his line of questioning.

"Eager to get back to your fake life?"

"Not really, just wondering what porn star name they'll come up with next," Sam shrugged. He thought it was a joke. Except she said it in such a way that leaves him unsure of what to think.

"Should I even ask?"

"If you do. Chances are, I won't answer." Sam shrugged once more and took a sip of the coffee he had offered her.

**Thursday, November 14, 2002**

"Where is she?" Jack asked as he turned around to find only Jonas and Teal'c in the room.

"It appears she wasn't beamed back to the SGC." Teal'c pointed out.

"What are you talking about, Colonel?" Hammond asked, entering the room.

"Major…" Jack glared at Jonas before he could continue. "Barnett, General. She wasn't beamed back to the SGC."

"Well, we know Thor won't keep one of us with him. So, was there a chance for the Major to speak with Thor alone? She might have asked him to drop her somewhere else?" Hammond wondered.

Jack clenched his jaw and nodded. That wouldn't be a very Carter-like thing to do, but she was 'dead.' Appearing back on base, giving everyone hopes for something that couldn't happen. That wasn't something he could think as Carter-like either.

"Then you have your answer. If it worries you, son. I can contact Major Davis, so he can verify she's appeared. He seemed very concerned for Major Barnett's wellbeing."

"I'd appreciate that, sir." Jack nodded.

Hammond looked at him. If he found Jack's behavior was odd, he didn't say. Hammond chalks Jack's worry about the Major had to do with his fears of leaving someone behind.

"The Prometheus?" He asked. Hoping that it would be enough to bring the Colonel back on track.

"It's almost intact, sir," Jack said.

"Major Barnett was concerned about structural damages." Jonas pointed out then.

"She was. That's why we asked Thor if he could tow us back to Earth. Wait around until we parked it back in its hiding place, and beam us back to the SGC," Jack said. "We are here, so everything looks good to me."

"Okay. Go get yourselves checked out and report back for the debrief. The JCS were eager to know the results of your mission."

"Aye, sir," Jack said dryly.

**Saturday, November 16, 2002**

Paul Davis can't say he was surprised when he opened the door of his DC house and found one Colonel Jack O'Neill outside. He has been expecting this visit since the SG-1 landed two days earlier, and with SG-1 on hold, until the JCS can rule the Prometheus incident out, it only makes sense he took his chance.

"Can I come in?" Jack asked. While he stared at the younger man. Paul nodded, taking a step away from the door to allow him in. "You're not surprised to see me," Jack stated.

"No. I was just wondering when you would show up, sir." Paul conceded.

"I'm in your house, Davis. Drop the sir." Jack pointed out.

"Yes, sir." Jack rolled his eyes at him. "Sorry, it's a habit. I think I know who brought you here." Paul continued. The Colonel just looked at him. "I didn't have a say on her being there, sir."

"I didn't think you would."

'Why her,' Jack pondered for a moment. By the way the Major is speaking, Jack knows they are talking about Carter, but why he hadn't just called her by her name?

"What do you know, Davis?" Jack asked as he dropped himself on the major's couch.

"Not much, sir."

"You were there when they ordered me to take her away, Davis. You had the expression of someone who had tried and failed to convince them before. You're intelligence, you know how to get to her… You know more than I do." Jack pointed out.

"I…" Paul sighed. "I had tried to convince the JCS to keep her there. I tried to point out that she was safer in that position. They just wouldn't see reason, sir."

"Well, since I tried and failed. It's not like I can blame you for it," Jack grimaced. "How did you find her?"

"I didn't. To be honest, sir. I was almost as surprised to see her as she was to see me. They told me that the one person I needed would be waiting for me in a specific address. They gave me a folder and told me that the contents would convince this person to do what they requested. I was told that I should go to any extent to bring her aboard that thing. I went there and there she was. I should've known it was her. It couldn't be anyone else."

"Why?"

"Why they brought her in?" Jack nodded. "She was managing that whole development before they took her away. It was faster to bring her up to speed than having to train someone else to do it."

Jack mulled over the information. "I know there's more. Just say it."

"She didn't want to take it. Her hand was forced. She requested another name in case there were problems. I thought it was for the best because of her death and all. I know your team has a track record of doing the unbelievable. I thought it wouldn't be a great way to get back to the land of the living…"

"Because they would only pull her back again…" Jack finished for him.

"Yeah. She asked to keep you and your team out of this mission."

"That's why besides Jonas, we weren't told until the whole thing blew out of proportion."

"Yes, sir."

"What are the chances of using this mission to get her back, Davis?"

"I was going to try, sir. I told her I would."

"Was going to?" Jack frowned. The younger man nodded.

"Yes, sir. She said I wouldn't make it if I tried. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I'm not sure I should risk it." He could see the Colonel's jaw clenching as he considered his words. Then he let out a sigh.

"Don't do it. If she told you that, it's for a reason." Jack said. "I guess I'd better get out of your hair."

"Sir, if you can wait for a second…." Davis said. Disappearing somewhere inside his home. A while later, he came back with a folder and gave it to Jack. "If you can take this, you'll save me a trip."

"Sure. Thanks for your help."

"I'll say it was my pleasure, but I don't think I've really helped you."

When he walked out of the house and into the car, he'd rented. Jack noticed the van outside. He sighed, giving himself a mental pat on the back for having left his phone and their means to track him back in Colorado. He turned the engine on and drove away. Once he managed to lose the second car that followed him. He stopped somewhere to read whatever Davis felt he needed to give him.

Jack closed his eyes and sighed.

_"The JCS doesn't know for sure where Major Carter is. As far as I know, they gave complete control of her over to the Marshals' service. The rogue NID organization is currently known as 'the committee'. They might have found a way inside WITSEC. I ran an extensive background check on the handler I met. She seems clean. I'm not sure if she's the only handler she has."_

_"We believe the Committee, it's not the final stage of the rogue NID. We don't know how far they reach. My guess is they wanted her gone so they could reach her… so far it seems they haven't managed."_

_"I've been followed since I returned to DC. I guess she knew that would've happened. Maybe that's why she told me I shouldn't try to get her back. You should get back to Colorado ASAP, you might not be safe here."_

_"Sir, this is all conjectures… there are no proofs of anything."_

Jack punched the wheel. Feeling anger bubbling up inside him. He can't fight the feeling, knowing that the Committee, or whatever the name of the larger organization is. That they are what had caused her to be gone. That they took her from under his watch…

The worse thing is that if they are behind it. There's no way she would have a chance to get back to them in one piece. Not while under their watch.

"Fuck, Sam. What did we walk into?" He muttered. Before he turned the engine on and headed back to the airport.

**Tuesday, November 26, 2002**

Elle and Skyler Collier have settled in yet another apartment. Over yet another repair shop almost a day earlier. Sam had dressed them for a walk in the coldish weather of Chicago. Then they walked out to get the pieces Sam needed.

She stopped at a store. Got herself a couple of burner phones. Then she walked towards the public library. From there, she found her way to a post office and rented a PO Box.

Then, as they got lost in the crowd. She took it one phone out and dialed the number.

"I'm back," she said, smiling at the answer. "P.O. Box 369. 8706 Newcastle road. Oak Lawn. IL. 60453." She added. She ended the call and threw the phone in a nearby trash can. They made their way back to Chicago. To the new home, they had, at least for now.


	33. Chapter 33

**Thursday, December 12, 2002**

There's only one other thing Sam constantly bought, along with computer pieces and burner phones. That item is a digital camera. She had taken it upon herself to keep a track of Parker's growth. It's not like she has anyone else who can do it for her. Since the moment she'd realized Parker would grow without Jack, and that Jack would miss every single step in their daughters' life… She simply couldn't help herself.

She uploads recordings and pictures in a hidden folder inside the secret server. Covered by a software layer so protective that not even Jordan can access them, even if he tried.

She knows Parker won't have any recollections of what happened on her first birthday. Still, Sam decorated their small dining room and bought her a cake and some gifts. She also knows Parker might not be able to take them with her in a month's time when they'll change names yet again.

Kira has been lenient, though. Allowing her to keep some toys that Parker has grown attached to. Especially a teddy bear that has been Parker's constant companion in every single move.

Shaking herself, she turns on the recording mode of the camera. Starting it as she brought Parker to the table. She sang her Happy Birthday and together they blew the candles before her baby grabbed a handful of cake and send it splattering it all over the place.

Sam kissed her cheek, then moved to stop the recording. She takes a picture of a Parker covered in chocolate cake and Sam had to gasp for air when she saw it. Yes, Parker is definitively a smaller version of herself, with the bluest eyes ever, the blond hair, and the silky white skin. However, the cheeky grin and the way she is enjoying the cake it's so Jack. That Sam felt it breaking her heart again.

Once Parker has stopped making a mess with her cake, she took her for a well-deserved bath that included getting chocolate out of her hair. Finally settling her for bed.

"Night, sweet P," Sam mumbled as Parker turned around embracing her teddy bear.

She grabbed the baby monitor and settled it beside the computer that would take her attention for the following hours. The chat blinked at two AM.

&tn:Jnerd: _Do you realize it's two am, right?_

&tn:GrandEmpress: _I should ask you the same._

She pointed out with a smile.

&tn:Jnerd: _You might be the Grand Empress, but you too need some sleep._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _I'll have plenty of sleep when I'm dead._

&tn:Jnerd: _Huh, and here I thought you were already._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Jnerd…_

&tn:Jnerd: _Don't worry. I won't bring it up again. I've learned my lesson._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Good._ :)

&tn:Jnerd: _We are making a lot of progress. I'll take you are going off-grid in a month or so. By then, you would be able to live from this one company._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Not enough for what I need. We should start settling for the next one. Did you line up your contact list?_

&tn:Jnerd: _Yup. It should be in the 'company's email account'. Are you sure we are doing this for the right reasons?_

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Yes. Maybe one day you'll get to know what this effort amounts to_ …

&tn:Jnerd: _I'm happy to help. Besides, it's giving me a helluva better life._ :D

&tn:GrandEmpress: _I'm glad someone is already reaping of the benefits._

She sighs, chewing her lip in worry.

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Jnerd… are you really okay with being my front?_

&tn:Jnerd: _I have no idea what's going on in your life. I have no idea why you are settling to run away because that's at least what it looks like for me. All I know is that you are the greatest hacker I've met. That your programming skills are on point and so far, you didn't get me doing anything illegal._

&tn:Jnerd: _Besides, I'm intrigued by why they felt the need to kill a decorated USAF officer on national TV and send you hiding around the country. So, yes. I'm okay with being your front… I'll bet it will be an awesome story to tell my grandkids when I get them._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _If at any time you feel you want to step out of this… you will tell me, right?_

&tn:Jnerd: _Right._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Even if they offer you some more money?_

&tn:Jnerd: _Ha. You'll know they're offering money before I had to let you know. So, yes._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _Right_. :D

&tn:Jnerd: _You'll need to take a rest at some point, you know that, right? You won't be able to keep up with whatever rhythm you are keeping up for years to come._

&tn:GrandEmpress: _I know. You need to get out of here now. I'll finish in half an hour._

&tn:Jnerd: _Sweet dreams._

She knew he was right. She knew she couldn't keep up with the four hours of sleep while trying to raise a one-year-old at the same time. But she had to. Until she can drag them out of this nightmare of being halfway in the hands of the enemy, she can't really rest.

Who knew when they would feel they needed her back at the SGC or somewhere else to fulfill some short stint they couldn't find anyone else to complete?

Sighing, she noticed Jordan logging off. She cleaned the server and created the several extra points of access before she slid inside the Pentagon's database once more. She checked the latest SGC-related files before she felt the need to check upon one name.

He seemed clean enough. Still, she settled a few warning points. She couldn't trust him just yet. Not when he was so deep inside the Pentagon that he ought to know things happening in there. She chewed her inner cheeks before she found another set of files.

"Well, fuck." She said when she noticed someone else was accessing the SGC files constantly. She clenched her jaw. If he was in there, there had to be a reason. She brought up the last searches he did and frowned.

Files from experts of several areas were checked by him, and by someone else before him. "What the fuck is going on?" she wondered out loud, as she tracked his movements. The timer for a safe connection was about to go off, so she logged off.

Whoever was accessing those files wasn't even being careful, she thought. The second user was too quick to find the connections. So, either he knew what he was searching, or he knew who he was following.

"Or maybe both." She concluded. Out of a hunch, she checked the names attached to the files he had accessed and wasn't too surprised when she found her own.

"What the fuck is going on?" she wondered as she opened a search engine and one by one searched the names. "Why are you following this, Maybourne?" she mumbled when five out of six names brought headlines of an accident in where the main name on the file or their entire families turned out dead.

She shook her head, uploaded the pictures of Parker's birthday, and finally cleaned the server from anything compromising before logging off.

After that Sam needed comfort, so she hadn't a better idea than to bring Parker to her bed and cuddling her daughter close. All the time wondering what was really going on, and how could she untangle herself from the mess she now called life, until sleep finally took over.

**Sunday, December 29, 2002**

Sam ignored the holidays that year. Her logic says Parker won't remember it anyway, and she needs to focus on the problem at hand. The fact that Senator Kinsey is alive and on his way to the White House makes her wary of the time she has to be free of the government.

She suspected that the moment Kinsey became President whatever it's happening with the missing people and herself, will be brushed under the desk of the oval office. So, she worked harder than usual. She can't take a moment even to celebrate her birthday.

What difference would it make anyhow? She is alone and would be until she manages to fix this tangled web of lies.

Besides, if she doesn't, she would be feeling lonely, and that could only bring her more pain. So, she worked all day and then all night until her birthday was only another yesterday gone.

**Tuesday, January 14, 2003**

It's time again. Sam dressed Parker in warmer clothes and dismantled the computer. After doing some cost calculations, she adds the digital camera to the package that will go to Jordan's PO Box. Then, she settled another box to another PO Box in NYC.

Finally, she grabbed the four burner phones she still had around the house. She called Jordan first.

"It's time." She said before she ended up the call and threw the phone into a nearby bin. Then she doubted for a second. She took the phone and dialed a number while feeling the nervousness creep on her.

_"Maybourne."_

"Give me a way to contact you." She said and heard a sigh.

" _Two forty. Eight. Forty-eight. Thirty. Sixty-seven. You got five minutes to place that call_." She hung up and dialed the new numbers.

"I'm heading out of coverage area. Call me in ten minutes to six. Thirty-six. Nine. Ten. Thirteen. Forty-three." He ended the call then.

Sam sighed. She knew if there was someone almost as cautious as she was, that'd be Maybourne. So she walked to the post office and left one package. Then strolled down the street towards somewhere more crowded. She checked her watch and dialed the number.

_"Major Carter. I thought they had you under watch_." Maybourne greeted her.

"Most of the time. Yes."

_"To what do I owe the honor of your call?"_

"I need to know what you know."

_"What I know?"_

"Maybourne. Don't play with me. In a few hours, I'll be on my way to the next safe house. Before I do, I need to know what is that you know about this whole mess before you end up dead. I know they are coming after you."

"Why do you say something like that?"

"They are into you, Maybourne. The set you up. They found out you were checking their files and creating a file of your own with all their dirty movements. They have you."

_"And who is this they, you seem so knowledgeable about?"_

"It seems they call themselves the trust. Or that's how you call them in your files."

_"How do you know all of this?"_

"I've been doing my homework. Look, I know you are an asshole and I shouldn't trust in you not to backstab me with information. But I hope there's honor among thieves or something like that. I know you've been trying to gather information about them. That you are trying to find a way to bring them out of there hiding spots. You won't make it."

_"Why are you so sure about it?"_

"Because they never trusted in you. They have followed you since the beginning. They are tracking what you track and researching what you search. The only reason I'm calling is to warn you. I received an alert earlier that there's an order to bring you down."

_"You're serious."_

"The last folder you checked was one of Dr. Rachel Lambert."

_"God. How long do I have?"_

"There's no timeline, but it's a kill him on the spot if you see him order. Please, Maybourne, I want to get back to my life at some point."

_"That might be impossible, Major."_

"I'm aware. But I still want to make my case a strong one."

_"There's a safe deposit under Atticus Finch's name in a bank of America branch in Saxton St, Lake Jackson. Texas. Give me a name so I can add you up to it and a safe address to get the key to you."_

"Lucy Rogers. 9269 South Harvard St., Lake Charles. Louisiana 70605. PO Box 369."

_"I'll send you the key. Major, I really hope it works better for you than it has worked for me. Trust me, I wasn't happy when they decided to add you to this crew. But there was nothing I could do to change their minds."_

"Good luck, Maybourne. If you know the way to another planet, use it."

_"That's an excellent idea, Major. I'll make sure to send him your regards,"_ was the last thing he said before the call was ended. She threw the phone in the nearest bin and walked to the next post office.

An hour later, she was packing her things and heading towards 7822 W Oklahoma ave. Milwaukee.

**Thursday, January 16, 2003**

"Tell me exactly why I should help you, Maybourne? Tell me why I shouldn't just force the address out of your body with some persuasion techniques?" Jack said looking at the shorter man that had appeared seemingly out of the blue.

"Because… It's a good deal." He grinned. Jack growled.

"Oh, for crying out loud!"

"Well, if it makes you feel a bit better. I'm here because your girl called me to warn me I'm on a hit list."

"My girl?"

"Yeah. You know, blonde, blue eyes, great breasts and legs that go for days… I wasn't surprised when I saw the pictures of you two tangled together before she was decommissioned." Jack grabbed him from his shirt and brought him close.

"Don't you dare."

"Dare what? I have no idea where she is. For what little she mentioned, she was being moved again. Besides, there's no harm done. She was already out of your command before you had her all wrapped around you." He wriggled his eyebrows.

"Maybourne." Jack hissed.

"What? I saw the resignation letter."

"The what?"

"Resignation letter. There's an approved one in her file. Hammond even signed it. Exactly for the length of the week that you were fornicating like rabbits. I won't blame you though if I was you I…."

"Don't finish that if you don't want me being the one killing you." Jack pushed him out of his way. "How could she have resigned if they ordered me to…"

"Get her to the safe house? It beats me. All I know is that her signature isn't forged, nor is Hammond's one."

"I'll take your case to Hammond. The last word is his."

"It's weapons, Jack. Of course, he will say yes!"


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your weekly dose of angsty drama is here.... :P

**Friday, January 31, 2003**

Norah and Ellen Foster arrived at 453 Cullen Blvd, Houston, Texas a week earlier. It quite surprised Sam when among the three offers Kira bought her, Houston was an option. She was wary at first. She figured she could always get herself to the bank, get the documents. Mail them out before she even had a chance to check them. Then ask for relocation, if she feared they were after her or Maybourne's documents.

After a week, she decided she was better off not tempting her luck in the first month. Still, she asked Jordan to pick up the key Maybourne left for her at the PO box in Louisiana. Then mail it over to the one she'd set up in Pasadena, Tx. Where he also sent her drives.

It's late that night, when she connects to the server, only to find Jordan is already in there. She brings up their chat and grins.

**GrandEmpress** : _Fancy meeting you here._

**Jnerd** : _same back at ya._

**GrandEmpress:** _Chat's looking better! 😊_ _How are things going? Have you secured what I requested?_

**Jnerd** : _Yes. We have now a server farm. Just pick one or several and make them secure for yourself._

**GrandEmpress:** _Amazing. Land?_

**Jnerd:** _We bought a warehouse near the French district for All-in Financials LLC. Also, we own now a nice two-story place for Crystal Avionics LLC. We are still waiting on the owners for that farm you wanted in Pasadena._

**GrandEmpress:** _Hardware-wise?_

**Jnerd** : _We are a little behind schedule, but as I said, the servers for All-in are mounted and ready to use. They are behind two sets of firewalls._

**GrandEmpress:** _Third one is the charm 😊_

**Jnerd:** _I wouldn't expect less of you. The hardware of Crystal is being set. I should be getting news of it later today. Also, are you sure you want to expand into public safety?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Do you have the guys?_

**Jnerd:** _Yes.. but…_

**GrandEmpress:** _It won't hurt to give it a try, Jnerd. Worst-case scenario, we suck at it and we need to file bankruptcy for that one._

**Jnerd** : _I guess. Do we know someone in the public safety environment that would want to talk to us so we can design their systems?_

**GrandEmpress:** _I'm pretty sure there's a fire department just two blocks away from where you live. Offer them a free sample and I'm sure they will help you._

**Jnerd:** _I'll try._

There's a pause for a second as she sets the things she needs to continue where she'd stopped.

**Jnerd:** _Are you ever going to tell me what the fuck is going on?_

**GrandEmpress** : _Maybe… maybe not. 😊_

**Jnerd** : _That's so not helpful. Why are you so reluctant to let me know?_

Sam sighed and rubbed her face tiredly. How could she explain it to him?

**GrandEmpress** : _If someone comes looking for you, and starts to question you about this server, or what I do inside it… What would you answer?_

**Jnerd:** _I don't know what you do._

**GrandEmpress:** _If that same someone asks you to take a polygraph. Your answer will be correct, and they won't push for more._

**Jnerd** : _Are you doing something illegal?_

**GrandEmpress:** _It's better if you have no idea what I am doing, Jnerd. Trust me on this one._

**Jnerd:** _Are we the good guys?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Yes._

**Jnerd:** _Okay. I won't ask anymore._

Sam grinned. She knew he would ask again in a few more weeks. She didn't mind. The truth was, he was setting up things as she asked. The crew he'd gotten was making excellent progress. They were getting their shares and her shares were steadily growing too.

He only writes after that, to let her know the way to the new server farm. She quickly moves to set it up as she likes it. Truth is, she was in desperate need of that because she was running out of space in the one they've been using and she has no means to add more space to it without giving it away.

During the next days, Sam works on moving everything she needs into several servers. Everything is pieced and encoded in a way that if they find one, they won't be able to understand what it is or what it means.

Her days are calmer now, she doesn't really know why. But she decides to take advantage of that and the setup she already has, before risking it. She knows there would be two weeks before she can connect back if she goes for Maybourne files. So she doesn't.

Instead, she piggybacks people inside the Pentagon's intelligence. She finds a way into the witsec database, too. She knows for what she finds, that she must hack into the FBI, NSA and most likely the CIA, too. Before she can get out of this half-life as a hermit and back into the shoes of Samantha Carter, again.

Valentine's day brings a gift. Sam follows some unusual activity inside the Pentagon and stumbles upon a dirty database without even searching for it. She unloads the file the one user had downloaded. She cringes at what she sees, but she isn't surprised by it. After all, she had found very graphic pictures of her and Jack in less hidden places before.

Now, this database keeps thousands of hours of video feed. She knows she can't check them inside their servers without raising a flag. So instead she copies them to the new server. Thanking the gods that Jordan had finished setting it up by then.

She clenches her jaw. She knows this copy will take far longer than the recommended time. It's a helluva risk to take. She's afraid it will be moved or deleted before she'll have a chance to look at the contents. Taking a deep breath, she starts another dependency of the safety network software she'd developed and it starts. So when the first countdown is gone, it can still protect her computer under the second opened branch.

Sam keeps connecting and reconnecting the safety software every time she's about to run out of a safe time. The longer she stays in, the higher the risk of getting caught snooping around. She's a command away of closing everything if she notices someone spotting her. The same command would kill the transference and with that, her hopes of learning the full content of that database.

The 99% to 100% seems to take an eternity. But when it's done, it takes her less than a second to disconnect from everything and breathe again. She realizes then that she'd been in a tense situation for the past four hours and it's already four thirty am. There'll be no chance of sleep for her today.

So, she moves to the secondary server, to see what is that she possesses. She opens a copy using her hidden files and software. Finding herself with a load of coded data, along with the video fees.

"Fuck! How the hell will I know who all of this belongs to?" She wonders. She looks at the data and how any information that could indicate who are the recordings for, seems to be thoroughly encrypted.

She finds the code for the gate combination software and copies it. She had added several layers of encryption and decryption into it. So, she just needs to modify it to fit her current needs. She hears Parker waking up. Rubbing her face tiredly, she turns off everything and becomes Norah Foster, exemplary mother again.

**Saturday, February 15, 2003**

Jack is slowly going insane. He has been trapped for almost a month with Harry Maybourne. Yet, for some reason, he hasn't killed the man yet.

He knows the reason, his wife. Sam warned Maybourne that his life was in danger. That must mean she knows something about the weasel that might come handy at some point. Jack ponders these thoughts as he tries to keep Harry's never-ending chatting out of his head.

"To tell you the truth, I never thought you would be much of a caring lover," Harry let out. Jack's head snaps to the chatterbox so harshly that he knows his neck will be killing him for a few days.

"What the fuck, Harry?"

"God, porn has nothing on you and Major Carter! Jesus! That woman can bend!" Jack was on him faster than stink on shit. "What? I'm just stating the truth."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Harry. Major Carter and I have never gone past the line of duty."

"Fucking her as hard as you did must count as some line of duty then." Harry chuckled. Getting punched in the face for his trouble. "I've seen the videos, Jack! You shouldn't be so surprised. Besides, as I've said, at least you waited until she had resigned her commission. You know, before you two became the next Jenna Jameson and John Holmes." Harry chuckled.

"Explain yourself," Jack groused.

"You know you're being surveilled, right?" Jack nodded. "Well, she was too. Way before that stupid plan of keeping her safe by changing her name was in effect. I couldn't find who gave the order. I was following the few trails I had when she called me."

"And the videos?"

"I don't know where they are, who has them, or why they were taken. All I know is that someone thought I should see them. To be honest, I was going to pretend I saw them. You know? To respect your privacy. I was going to just mark them as viewed." Maybourne shrugged.

"My privacy." Jack frowned. "You knew it was me?"

"Her privacy," Harry sighed. "I knew it was her."

"But you couldn't help yourself, could you?" Jack clenched his jaw hard.

"God, no! It was Samantha Carter's home porn! How would I refuse to watch that!" Another punch hit him in the face. "All right, I deserved that! When you showed up. I turned around. But it sounded so damn…. Primal! That I couldn't help myself and had to watch. Fuck, you were so magnetic! I couldn't stop watching it. When the next ones arrived. I had to check them up too! It was such a good job, Jack ole boy." Harry smiled thoughtfully. "I've seen so much crappy sex, that it was nice to watch you guys romping. What you did to her on her kitchen counter, Crist!"

"Why were you ordered to watch them?" Jack asks, cutting Harry's line of thoughts short.

"We had to find leverage. We thought we had."

"You thought you had?"

"Yeah, until we found the resignation letter."

"You mentioned this resignation letter before, Harry. But she didn't. Why?"

"It beats me."

"You also said Hammond signed it." Harry nodded. "And it happened the same day they ordered me to tell her she needed to be in that stupid safe house?" Another nod. "Harry, what the fuck is going on?"

"All I know is, that if someone can figure that one out, it's her."

"And the other shoe?" Jack asked.

"She'll have to do a lot of illegal shit to make it happen."

"Fuck. So, she's trapped between living under the government's care. While someone else finds a way to deal with The Trust or breaking a lot of laws to do it herself?"

"Pretty much. She'll need to become someone who doesn't care about the rules and laws as much. At least not as much as she would care about finding the truth and fix the wrongs. Trust me, there are so many wrongs."

"How can I help her?"

"Stay clean, Jack. She will need someone clean at some point."

**Saturday, March 1, 2003**

It took her longer to develop the software that will run inside the hidden software in Jordan's All-in Financial LLC server than she originally planned. Sam was aware that she had cracked more complex things, earthbound and alien alike, so this database should be a piece of cake.

She placed the software and let it run against the data two days ago, and now the first cracks have happened. Among the possible outcomes of one set of video names, Sam notices something that caught her attention.

Several lines of names start with "53616d616e74686120436172746572" followed by an underscore and more weird encoding. If she wasn't such a nerd that wouldn't mean anything at all, but she is. Sam knows exactly how her own name looks in encoded in hexadecimal.

She already knows what the rest of the footage she had seen to try to identify the people comprises, but she can't help the betrayal building up again. She copies all the files related to her hexadecimal name to her personal computer and closes the connection to the server before she settles in to watch what could be days' worth of footage.

She adjusts her headphones before clicking on the first one on the list, and her video software opens. She clearly sees the living room of her home in Colorado Springs. As three men enter her house and start trashing it. The noises are loud, and she has a flashback to the day when she was kidnapped.

"Were you just watching this? Or did you order this?" Sam wondered. She watched the feed until it ended with her being drugged and taken away.

She opened a bunch of them that seem to share the same name beside hers. A timeline, she figures, when she sees they're all from the same date. She even sees Jack entering her house with crazed eyes and the look of utter horror when he gets to her bedroom.

She closes them all, then picks another set, opening them. She can see as she's being tortured and how she didn't crack. She quickly shut those down and moved forward to the next batch. Batch after batch she skips through her fifteen days of captivity.

"So, someone inside the pentagon knew where I was the whole time." She mumbles. "Someone knows what I did to survive."

She knows the next ones can't be from that period, but she opens them anyway. Sam knows there were cameras in her room from the pictures she'd found before. But it's just that she realizes the extension of the coverage the cameras in her house had. Not for the first time, she wonders why she hadn't checked her house for bugs.

She looks horrified as Jack enters her house. She hears him telling her what's going to happen. She sees herself kissing him at several angles. She watches them eat, and then him pulling her close. Then her leading him to her bedroom. She gulps, several feeds had stopped but there's another set marked with what she now knows is some kind of date stamp. She opens and her eyes widened in horror.

It's amazing the number of angles of her bedroom that appears. There had been cameras planted all around, it seems. So, as they peel each other's clothes off, she can see herself and Jack perfectly from right, left, front and back… and there are even a couple of downs, too.

"Oh, God". She can't take her eyes away from the screen. She sees him slowly entering her from a view of her ceiling. It looks pornographically sexy. She can't help the arousal that floods her as they take it painfully slow.

It's been so long… Four months already since that night…

Besides, it's his pants and groans what she hears mixed with her own. Then after a short cuddling, their coupling becomes primal. He shoved into her hard and thrusted just as quickly. She moved in the same rhythm. Until they stopped shouting each other's names. Only to start up all over again as he went down on her. Making him get hard once again.

She sees him flip her then. Her breasts heavily pressed against the mattress as he pounded inside her. No loving words, no complaints, just two people enjoying a raw session of hard sex.

Until they finally collapse, and loving words poured out of both before sleep took over them. Sam hadn't felt this aroused since he last took her the morning before they parted ways for the first time. She wants nothing more than to use this to bring herself over the brink. Instead, she opens yet another batch.

By five o'clock in the morning, Sam's sure she'd explode if Jack's fingers even touched her skin now. However, Parker's waking up and begrudgingly Sam closes her videos.

Sam had just marathon-ed through their first night together and an early shower. There's still plenty of feeds left. But she isn't about to show Parker how she was conceived. No matter how small her child is, and that she wouldn't understand why mommy is rocking her body in such a way.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me longer than usual!  
> Enjoy!

**Sunday, March 9, 2003**

For the past few days, Sam had been doing nothing much other than taking herself to the extreme point of arousal. Watching herself and her husband give in to their needs in several ways, angles, furniture, and houses. She finds the ones at his house to be the most erotic because she's his wife by then. He also had no qualms about making her scream in the throes of passion.

Reaching that point is also bittersweet. She knew the moment she spotted his room, that those videos were it. There would be no more videos related to Samantha Carter. But she'll figure out the hexadecimal name of all the alias she'd used just in case. So she'll know if she's still being spied on.

An idea starts to form in her mind. It's just a few days until they reach anniversary number two. How fucked up it is, that it's also their second anniversary away from each other? She reflects as she connects to the server. She writes to Jordan before she thinks it thoroughly.

 **GrandEmpress:** _Do you have anyone near Colorado Springs, who can run an errand?_

 **Jnerd:** _Well, hello to you too ;)_

 **Jnerd:** _Yes. We have someone based in Colorado Springs. Let me guess, it has to do with a certain Colonel, I'm not supposed to ask about._

 **GrandEmpress:** _Hello :)_

 **GrandEmpress:** _We've been through this… the less you know, the better…_

 **Jnerd:** _It could only be him… Unless there's some other hot guy out there, who you happened to love?_

 **GrandEmpress:** _Jnerd._

 **Jnerd:** _Okay. Okay. Not asking anymore. What do you need?_

 **GrandEmpress:** _I need someone to deliver a box with some burner phones to someone._

 **Jnerd:** _Colonel O'Neill. :D_

 **GrandEmpress:** _Cassandra Fraiser._

 **Jnerd:** _That's a new one._

 **GrandEmpress:** _If you need to know. She's the only one of the people I trust there, that doesn't have a surveillance detail on her 24/7. She's followed around, but they leave her alone while she's in school. So, whoever does it, needs to take them to her high school. I'll send a picture to you so you can forward that._

 **Jnerd:** _Yay! This doesn't sound strange at all! :D_

 **GrandEmpress:** _One burner phone needs to be preset with one contact. I'll be getting the number to you, tomorrow. If you can confirm that, we have someone who can do it._

 **Jnerd:** _We have someone who can do it, Grand Empress. Trust me. Lucky for us he's fifteen. So he will mix quite nicely in the school._

 **GrandEmpress:** _Fifteen?_

 **Jnerd:** _Don't worry, the kid's clean. Besides, it's not like he will be making a nuclear bomb, right?_

 **GrandEmpress:** _Right._

She doubted for a second, involving a kid in this wouldn't be too messed up? Even for her? Then again, Jordan was right. He was going to deliver a box. She wasn't about to ship the kid to a war.

 **GrandEmpress:** _Okay._

She typed before she changed her mind about the whole thing.

 **GrandEmpress:** _I also need a laptop on her package._

 **Jnerd:** _Any special requirements?_

 **GrandEmpress:** _I'll need the MAC address and tell me what you've got later._

 **Jnerd:** _Okay. So, what's the plan?_

 **GrandEmpress:** _The phone with the saved contact needs to be in her hands for her to call me. She needs to place the call while she's at school. She'll know what to do after that._

 **Jnerd:** _Cool! I let you know what I get. We'll go from there._

 **GrandEmpress:** _We need to create a nice video conference software that can be encrypted on both ends, Jnerd. Maybe something where we can link people and companies together._

 **Jnerd:** _Sounds like we have new companies on the way. I'll get some planning for you, ASAP._

She disconnects herself soon after. Her mind has been in the gutter since she started watching those damn videos. So, she finds a store that will deliver what she needs, orders it and there's nothing left for her to do about it, until tomorrow.

**Sunday, March 9, 2003**

Jack wonders aimlessly around the base. He wants to confront Hammond about what little he knows about his CO and friend signing Sam's resignation letter. Right before she disappeared off the base and out of their lives for good.

Yet, he also feels he needs some space to think. He needs to go through all that Maybourne had told him while it was just the two of them stranded on that planet's moon.

Jack remembers vividly that he had taken two days off way back then. He had also forced all of SG-1 to take some leave days, too. So they could clean all their houses out of any devices the NID could've placed in their homes. It had happened just after he had gone through their ranks and brought down a nice chunk of them out of the dark.

They'd found some bugs in his living room and office, but all the other houses had come out clean. He ponders why hadn't they done that themselves instead of getting a team of people to do that for them, and wonders if that's when they allowed someone to bug the hell out of their places. All while they were trusting on them to get their houses clean.

He shakes his head when he notices he kinda expects Daniel to show up to his office and asking him what's bothering him, but he knows that won't happen. Daniel's an ascended being now. He can't meddle in their plane anymore… whatever that's supposed to mean.

For a second, Jack's curious to know if Daniel's found out that Sam's still alive. That they got married without telling a soul. Well, except his family. He asks himself if Daniel knows where Sam is. He wonders if Daniel would visit her, to let her know just how much he loves her. He takes a deep breath, there's no point in wondering. Since truth is, he's lost two people he loves to different situations in the past two years. Now he's just days away of celebrating his second wedding anniversary, without her by his side.

He wants to do something. To somehow let her know he cares. Something to show her that he still loves her. That he's still waiting for her. But, what? He doesn't know where she is. He doesn't know what's her name. It's not like he can post a message somewhere on that internet thing. He's still was avoiding that like the plague.

On his way home, Jack stops to get a burner phone. Enters a store that has enough people and noise to be annoying if someone's trying to eavesdrop on his call. He presses a few digits, hoping he's got the number right. That it hadn't changed since the last time he used it.

" _Hello? Jordan Craig speaking."_

"It's Colonel O'Neill."

_"Oh, crap. I'm not supposed to talk to you."_

"Then don't talk. Just listen." Jack waits for a second to see if there's an answer, or if the man on the other end will just hang up on him. "I'm not sure you can find her. If she trusts in you, she might find you. If she does…" Jack takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fuck. Just tell her, I can't let her go that easily." He hears a sigh.

_"If she finds me, I'll try."_

"Just tell her, no matter how much time goes by. The message would be the same."

_"Oh, man."_

"Thank you," Jack says and ends the call.

Jack isn't sure if he's happy with what he did, but he misses her. Jordan Craig seems to be the only one outside the USAF, who might get a chance to speak with her. He's the only one that saw that video. The one he plays on repeat every other night, to try to get enough comfort in her loving words to sleep.

**Monday, March 10, 2003**

By ten pm of the next day, her plan is confirmed. Although not yet done. The kid who is taking the stuff won't be available until lunchtime the next day. Now, there's no going back.

So, Sam just needs to complete her plan. She goes back to the videos. She joins them, making them almost a show to enjoy them, letting out a pleased smile when she finishes. She grabs the baby monitor, the camera, and its stand before she locks herself in her room.

She gets out a nice matching dark blue underwear with a garter belt that she knows will drive him wild. There's also a blond wig to cover her current caramel hair, among the things she got delivered earlier.

She sets up the camera, dimmed the lights, places some candles around so her room feels like a warm embrace. Then takes a shower before donning the outfit and settling the mood. Sam feels the arousal of the past few days mounting as she gets ready, and it only increases as she presses play on the camera.

Sam doesn't know how many people had seen her come in those videos she now possesses. There's only one that matters for her. The only one who would get this one. She makes a show of touching herself slowly. Removing only her panties, and pulling her breasts out of the bra as Jack did, whenever she was wearing one and he was too aroused to get rid of it first.

She opens her legs, knowing she's so far beyond ready. Grabs the toy, she knows it's not even close to Jack. Still, she thrust it inside of her and moans a "God, Jack." Without being able to help herself. She's so past the point of no return, that she explodes sooner than she thinks is possible, calling his name in a heated, loving whisper.

She curls into her pillow and cries, feeling empty and lonely. "I love you so much, Jack." She mumbles over and over again until she finds the strength to stand up. She cleans her tears using the back of her thumbs and walks closer to the camera.

"I hope you enjoy the show as much as I did. I miss you so much, Jack." She suckled her lower lip. "I would give anything to have you by my side, even if it was just to be friends sharing lunch at the cafeteria." She gives the camera a sad smile.

"Happy anniversary, my love. I'll always love you."

**Tuesday, March 11, 2003**

Sam is working in the shop when Norah's phone vibrates on the table next to her tools. She's alone in the shop. The client whose car she's working won't be there until the following day. So, she slides out from under the car and stands up, patting her dirty hands on her even dirtier overall.

She checks on Parker, who has a fenced-in corner of her workshop to herself. She's quietly playing with some educational toys. "Mama, mama," she says. Sam grins as she gets rid of the oil on her hands. She caresses her daughter's cheek and gets a joyful squeal for it. Then she grabs the phone.

"It's done." The message says from an unknown number, and Sam takes a deep breath. She walks to the front and changes the sign to a "we'll be back" then closes the garage doors, so it will look like she's closed. Then, she gets rid of her overall and finds some warmer clothes to go for a walk to the closest park.

Parker is squealing with glee as Sam runs and the wind ruffles through her hair. Another phone goes off and she takes it from her pocket. There are only three people who have this number, and only one of them had instructions to call it, an hour after it was delivered.

"Don't say my name," it's the first thing out of Sam's mouth.

 _"Holy Hannah! I knew you couldn't be dead!"_ Cassie shouts. _"Are you okay? Is everything all right? Where are you? When are you coming back?"_ She shoots quickly, not giving Sam time to answer her doubts.

"I'm alive. Everything is as good as it can be at this moment. I can't tell you where I am. I won't be here long, anyway. Now, for the last one, truth is I don't know, Cass. It might be a very long time before I can get back."

 _"Oh,"_ she mumbled disappointedly. Sam's heart breaks.

"I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to call you, Cass. I didn't want to get your hopes up for something you can't tell anyone about."

_"Not even my mom?"_

"Not even Janet." Sam sighed. "I'm sorry, Cass. I shouldn't put you up to do this. But I can trust in so few people now… You're one of those, and you're the only one who isn't under constant surveillance. Getting to someone in Cheyenne was out of the question…" She explains herself.

 _"I understand, S..."_ Cassie stops herself from calling her name. " _I just wish you could be here."_

"Me too, Cass. Me too," she says and they remain silent for a while. "How's everyone?"

_"Well, we are still missing Uncle Daniel, too. Uncle Jack said he's an ascended being now. Maybe he's watching over you, you know? Now that he can see everything. He is, right?"_

"Maybe he is."

_"I don't have long. I would love to stay and chat until my last period. But my next teacher will call mom if I don't get there on time. So, what should I do with the rest of the stuff he gave me?"_

"Can you find a way to get them to Jack?" Sam asks.

 _"Jack, huh?"_ Cassie chuckled. _"We were right, weren't we?"_

"Cassie," Sam warns.

 _"Gee. You're not any fun."_ She says, making Sam laugh.

"Listen, you got something to write on?"

_"Yup."_

"Give him this number. Nine-forty. Nine twenty-two. Twenty-seven. Seventeen. Tell him to call it using one of the phones in there. Cass, when you give it to him… Make sure to be in a loud place, maybe hint to him that you are being followed. He'll know what to do."

 _"Kay. Anything else I should tell him?"_ Sam hears the hope in the girl's voice.

"No. He'll know more when he calls that number. There's also something I need you to do."

_"What?"_

"There's an email in your account. It has a link to some software. Download the software and place it on a thumb drive. There should be some money inside the box. You should be able to get one if you don't have one. Give it to him too. He'll need that."

_"Holy Hannah, Sa…"_

"Cassie."

 _"Salamander,"_ she finishes quickly _. "Do I even want to know what's going on?"_

"No." Sam takes a deep breath then. "Cassie, please… Not a word of this call to anyone but him. It was amazing talking to you after so long. I love you, Cass. I miss you, terribly. All of you."

_"I love you too."_

"Give an extra tight hug to your mom for me, will ya?"

 _"Yes,"_ Cassie said with a trembling voice, knowing what's coming next.

"Don't cry, Cass. One day I'll be there again. There's one last thing, you brave girl…. I need you to throw this phone in the first bin you see nearby. Okay?"

_"Okay. But…"_

"I love you. Bye, Cass." Sam said, gulping down the tears that are threatening to flow.

She's feeling like an asshole. She just placed her hopes on a kid who, most likely, was just starting to accept the fact that she had lost not one but two loved ones in the short expanse of two years.

"What kind of fucked up person are you becoming, Sam?" she mumbled to herself. Compartmentalizing the guilt, she started to run back to the shop, getting rid of the phone as she went. Letting Samantha Carter go into the back of her mind and becoming Norah Foster with every step she took.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm pretty sure this one isn't that bad... but, okay... I'll just let you read and get your own conclusions.

**Tuesday, March 11, 2003**

His phone goes off and he frowns. Everyone who usually calls his phone knows exactly where he is. The ones at the military compound knew where to find him inside the mountain. The ones outside knew not to call him when he was inside the mountain.

That left two options, Cassie or his family needed him. He quickly answered the phone. "O'Neill."

" _Uncle Jack."_

"Cassie? What's wrong?"

_"It's been a while since we last went out. I know these days are kinda sensitive to everyone… So, I was wondering if you could pick me up from school?"_

"I need to check it with Janet and Hammond."

_"I already spoke with mom. She said there's no issue as long as you agree."_

"I'll talk to Hammond and call you back, okay?"

_"Cool. If not from school, maybe afterward? You know, we could go have some pizza or something."_

"I'll let you know as soon as I can."

School's been over for at least an hour when Jack finally is able to pick her up. She jumps in his truck and kisses his cheek.

"Where to?" Jack asks, with a smile gracing his features and feeling surprisingly lighter than he's had for the past few days. Maybe Cassie was right. He needed to get out more. He drives to one place they've always loved. He can't help but notice that she seems awfully distracted. Well, distracted and concentrating on the cars behind them.

"What's wrong?'

"I think someone's following us," she says. "There… the black SUV, it's been behind us for the past five turns." Jack noticed it, too. He just hadn't wanted to worry her more than he had to.

He makes a couple of extra turns and speeds up a little. Losing them to some traffic lights. However, once they get inside the restaurant, Jack can't help but ask for a table in the back. Where they'd be protected if anyone was trying to listen to them, by all the other patrons inside the place.

From his vantage point, he also has a view of the whole pizza place. That makes him feel a little better, paranoid, but better, nonetheless.

"She was right," Cassie says then.

"She?"

"Yeah… Aunt S… She told me I shouldn't call her by her name."

"She _told_ you? You _saw_ her?" Cassie shakes her head sadly.

"I called her, kinda… I didn't know who I was calling until she said I shouldn't mention her name. I recognized her voice immediately. Uncle Jack… I don't think she'll be here for my graduation."

"No. I don't think she will, Cass. I'm sorry." Jack sighs.

"She said she shouldn't have called me, but she had no more options left."

"What else did she say?" Cassie took a deep breath.

"Do you have your gym bag in the truck?"

"Yeah?"

"Then I'll leave some stuff in there before I go home. She sent this," Cassie says. Passing him a burner phone and the piece of paper where she had written down the number on. "When he gave me the phone, he said I should call while I was at school. Coz my home is being surveilled. You might need to make that call somewhere else too, Uncle Jack."

"Don't worry. What else did she say?"

"That she loves us, and she misses us all," she said with teary eyes and her voice breaking a little.

"Oh, Cassie. She was right, she shouldn't have contacted you. Not when you were almost over her."

"I knew she was alive, Uncle Jack. I just knew it."

"Cassie, you can't tell that to anyone else. It's a helluva burden."

"I know, but it's not like I can't keep some top-secret secret safe."

"I know you can, you shouldn't have to though. One should be more than enough."

They enjoy their dinner. On their way back to Janet's house, Jack sees Cassie throw several burner phones inside his gym bag. There's even a laptop in there, by the time he parks in front of her house.

"Take care, Uncle Jack," she pecks his cheek.

"Come here," he says and embraces her tightly. "I miss her too, Cass."

"I know. She promised one day she would be back."

"It could be a really long time, Cass. Don't get your hopes up." She breaks the embrace then.

"Don't get yours too low." She winks then rushes inside her house.

Jack drives around for a while. He finally takes the phone Cassie gave him from his pocket. He parks near a busy street and gets the number out. He presses the digits and takes a deep breath before he finally pushes 'Call'.

The phone rings twice. He's about to hang out when someone picks it up. _"I'm sorry, I was a bit entangled."_

"It's you."

_"It is."_ She confirms, and he can hear the smile in her voice. _"God… I miss you."_

"I miss you more."

_"Listen, can you be at the cabin tomorrow?"_

"I'm not sure. I'll need to request permission from Hammond and I…"

_"Did you get everything from Cass?"_

"You mean several burner phones, a computer, and a thumb drive?"

_"Yes. Don't let them out of your sight. Don't take them out at your house. If you don't get permission tonight, leave them in the safe in my former lab. The combination is your birthdate."_

"Sam…"

_"Please, don't say my name. It's not safe. Do you have something to write with?"_

"Give me a sec," he says. Opening his glove compartment to find a pen, he usually has there for no reason at all. "Go on."

_"When you know if you can or when you can. Call me at two forty-nine, four, thirty-eight, fifty-two. Forty-six. You know what to do with the one you just used."_

"Yeah."

_"I love you, Jack."_ She says and hangs before she's unable to do it.

"I love you too," he mutters to the phone.

He rubs his face. It's not too late and General Hammond is still on base. He knows because they're expecting SG-15 back that day. The man felt he should be there whenever a team was scheduled, in case he needed to take some action.

So, Jack drives to the mountain. With so much tech on him, he debates between trying to explain them or using the escape tunnels. He leaves the laptop, the thumb drive, and two-burner phones in his gym bag, and drops all the extra ones behind his seat.

The guys at the first checkpoint look at him weirdly, but they can't find anything wrong with the items he has. The guys at the second checkpoint ask him what those objects are, and he must add some explanation for their records.

"Sorry, just personal items. I forgot I had them there," he says. After some more inspection, they allow him in. He gets down to level 19 and stands in front of the B-3 door. He hasn't been in there, since the day he came searching for her. No one seems willing to claim the space.

He swipes his card to open it, and slowly the door slides open. He goes to the far wall and presses the key she had pointed him to. The safe opens and he places his cargo inside. He locks everything again. Then he makes his way to Hammond's office and knocks on his door.

"Colonel, what can I do for you?" Hammond asks. Once Jack takes the offered seat.

"Sir. I just wanted to know if you could grant me some leave days. You know how this time of the year is still too close to home."

"Of course, Colonel. Bring the papers and I'll sign them."

"Really?"

"Yes, Colonel. I guess the reason you were at B-3 lab has to do with the time off?"

"Sorry, sir. I just needed to be there for a while."

"I bet, son. Bring me those papers, so you can get out of here in no time."

An hour later, Jack is heading back to his house. To pick some clean clothes and start his drive to Minnesota. Just like earlier, he spots the van following him around and rolls his eyes at the not-so-subtle tailing. He stops on the way to throw away the phones he didn't take inside the base. In case they bugged those while he was inside.

He also stops at a store and gets a couple more. Thinking he might need them. He loves his hometown and how it's so far away from everything that he can simply hide. But burner phones are not something he'll be able to pick up at the nearest convenience store. Not without having to explain to his sister-in-law, why he needs them.

He goes on his way to complete his journey back home. He does it, not quite paying attention to the van tailing him. He'd noticed them months earlier, and they don't seem to be going away any time soon. So, when he gets home, he throws the bag over his shoulder and walks inside.

As Sam requested, he didn't leave the remaining things out of his sigh, not even during his stops. Now, his gut was telling him not to get the things out of his gym bag. So he ended up throwing everything inside that bag before heading out again.

He loses the van somewhere along the way when he's out of Colorado Springs. They might not know where he's going, but Jack's quite sure they'll realize where he's heading soon. He stops along the way to get some coffee and places his first call.

_"That was fast."_ Sam answers. He draws a deep breath. Feeling a bit more complete now that he's listening to her again. _"Got something to write on?"_

"Yes." She gave him another number, and he quickly scribbles it down.

_"In case we need to cut this call short,"_ she adds. _"You know we shouldn't keep them too long either."_

"Yeah."

_"Still have some space on that paper of yours?"_

"Kinda." He answers shortly.

_"It's a napkin, isn't it?"_ She chuckles. Jack blushes.

"Does it matter? It still serves the purpose."

_"Sure… I need you to write some instructions down."_

"Don't trust my memory?"

_"Oh, I'm sure your memories serve you well,"_ she adds mischievously _. "It's your constant fight with technology, that worries me,"_ she chuckles in that sexy tone that sends shivers down his spine every time.

"I swear to God! If you give me instructions on how to turn the damned thing on. I'll scream." He groaned.

_"Hm. I recall not being bothered by your screaming, Jack."_ He growled. _"At least not if I made it happen."_

"Carter…" he warns.

_"Just write them down. Ready?"_ She asks.

"Yeah," he says and starts writing what she's telling him.

_"Keep them safe and call me the next time you stop. So, I can figure this out a bit better."_

"Will do. Listen, I…" He was trying to come up with a way to tell her what Maybourne blurted out. But how you tell someone that some people have watched them fucking without their consent?

_"I love you."_ She says. He sighs.

"I love you too." He answered in all honesty. Soon the line's dead. Shaking himself, he placed the napkin with instructions safely in his pocket. Grabbing is bag again, he walks out throwing the phone away.

**Wednesday, March 12, 2003**

Jack's been driving since nine pm. He's been up since five am the previous day. So, when he checks his dashboard clock, he understands why he's feeling so damn tired. It's already been twenty-four hours since he last woke up. He's barely halfway through.

He sees an exit coming up soon. So he takes it. He gets some gas, goes to the bathroom, and orders a coffee to go. He takes another burner phone out and dials the last number she gave him.

_"Another stop?"_ She whispers tiredly. Jack feels somewhat guilty for keeping her awake for so long.

"I need some shuteye. I'm not that young anymore."

_"Right, you are an old fifty-year-old. All gray-haired and crunchy."_ She chuckles as she yawns. He hears her pouring something that he imagines is coffee.

"Crunchy?"

_"I think… I remember your knees cracking a lot."_

"So now I'm crunchy." He deadpans and she laughs. "What're you doing drinking coffee at this time of the night?"

_"You don't even know in which time zone I'm currently in, Jack."_ He can feel the grimace. _"But it's waking up time, mind you."_

"I kept you awake all night." He whispers.

_"You did that for an entire week and you never worried before."_ She points out and he can hear the smile on her words.

"Right."

_"So, where are you stopping?"_

"I'm reaching Sioux City in a bit," he says, after drinking a sip of his coffee.

_"You've been speeding_." She states.

"I've been keeping myself at the speed limit."

_"Which is 75mph. That's speeding, Jack. Don't get yourself killed over this trip."_

"I won't. That's why I'm calling."

_"Do you have any idea where you might stop?"_

"At the first motel, I see when I reach I-29." He hears her take a deep breath.

_"Call me at this same number once you are there, use this same phone."_

"You're the boss!"

_"I love you."_ She says once more before she hangs up the call. It's a whole hour later when he calls her again. _"I'm glad to see you took your time."_

"I'm falling asleep sitting. I couldn't risk it."

_"Good. So, where are you?"_

"In a super8."

_"Fancy."_ She chuckles. _"Take your bags with you. Keep me on the line and ask them if they have an internet connection."_

"Okay." He walks in, gets a room, and finds what she's asking about. He hears her type fast and furiously. Just like she always did whenever she had her mind set to finishing something.

_"Hi, Jack."_ She grins _._

"What's up?"

_"Would you turn around and say hi to me?"_ She asks. As he turns around, he spots the camera hanging by the reception. He smiles her smile. _"Good Lord, you're so hot."_

"Sir, we've got your room ready."

_"Take me with you,"_ she pleads. He gets his keys. Then he finds his room. _"Place those things in the safe. There aren't enough cameras there. I have a view of the front desk and the parking lot. I can call your room number if I spot something off. Sleep, now my love. Don't take too long."_

"Sam…" he mumbles. He closes the safe door after putting the few remaining items inside.

_"Fill the bathroom sink with water. Put the phone in it. Jack, you have no idea of just how much I miss you."_

"I miss you too. Will you tell me what's all of this about?"

_"Soon. Happy anniversary, my love. Hopefully, it's somewhat better soon."_

"Happy anniversary, Sam. I love you." He hears her take a deep breath.

Before he can do much more, she ends the call. He snaps the phone in half and puts the pieces in the hot water as she told him. Then he drops himself onto the bed, too tired to do anything else, and still too wired from having her in his ear after so long. Still, sleep comes easily, dreams of Samantha Carter taking him away for their anniversary, relaxes him more than he's been in months.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, it's recommended to keep kleenex handy :)

**Wednesday, March 12, 2003**

Jack woke up five hours later, not feeling rested but at least feeling apt enough to drive the rest of the way without killing himself. He completes the almost five-hour drive in barely four. Only because he stopped in between to call her once more.

He's already used almost half a dozen burner phones. If he wasn't the one using them, he wouldn't believe the number of phones he's thrown away. On their last call, she gave him another number and told him to stop by Connor's church to Jack's utmost surprise.

His brother is sitting on the steps of his church, seemingly enjoying the warmth of the sun that hits it, so when Jack stops, Connor stands up with a knowing smile on his face. "Jack, I thought you might drop by."

"Hey, Connor, I wasn't going to, but something came up."

"I assume, you mean the heavy backpack that came for you inside the box that came for me?" Connor smiles. "She wrote she thought I was the safest way to get it to you, raising no alarms. She wrote that you might come by today. At least I hope it's her. Come, I'll take you to it." Jack grabs the pack and shoulders it effortlessly.

"Thanks, Connor. If someone asks…"

"I never saw a damn thing." He winks at his brother. "Now, go… There's chorus practice in two hours."

Jack pats his brother's shoulder and walks to his truck. He opens the backpack and frowns. There's an assortment of gadgets he'd seen in Sam's hand before, and some he hadn't seen before at all. He drives closer to his cabin and stops before reaching it to call her one last time.

"Please tell me there's an explanation for the things I now possess." He says.

_"Yes. There is. You might know the reason already. If you don't, I'm sure you won't like it."_

"I'm being followed."

_"Are you?"_

"No. I mean, I'm under surveillance."

_"Yes,"_ she sighs, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. _"There's a chance that the cabin…"_

"So all these gizmos are a way to clean the cabin."

_"Pretty much. I could've found you a jammer like the one I made for us back then, but I need you connected, too. So that idea went out of the window."_ Sam sighs.

For the next hour and a half, she guides him through cleaning his cabin. He finds bugs, cameras, and all sorts of transmitters. They finally reach his room. He clenches his jaw the moment he finds the first one in the room.

"Fuck," He mumbles.

_"Got a few, huh?"_ she sighs.

"Do you know if these new?"

_"They aren't, not all of them at least... Jack… I don't know much… I wouldn't tell you much more if I knew, either. I don't want you to be in danger because I talked too much. I'm already risking you because I felt selfish enough to want to send you a gift."_

"Sam..." he sighs. "You aren't coming." He states.

_"No. I'm sorry. I would love to be there… But I can't. You should finish getting rid of those things. You might want to do the same thing back home."_

"Sam, I…"

_"Clean first, Jack. We can talk about it later."_

"Holy Hannah! With the number of things inside my damn cabin, there's no wonder why cable reception is so bad," He jokes. She laughs.

_"You need to change phones now. Place everything back in the backpack. Get the bugs in the back of your truck and take them to a dumpster. Then call me to seven. Fifteen. Six. Twenty-eight. Triple zero. Five."_

It takes him another two hours to complete the last task she gave him. By then, the only thing he wants is a shower. Once he's back, he finds Harper leaving the house with a big smile on her face.

"I knew there was a reason I liked her. Did she do this the first year, too?" His sister like everyone else, but Connor believes Sam's dead. Although, it doesn't stop her from hoping for a miracle for her battered brother.

"Who? What?"

"Sam…" Harper says sadly. "I don't know how. Connor said I needed to bring this order here for your anniversary. He said he had nothing to do with it. I know you wouldn't do it so…."

"Harper. She's gone. You should let it go."

"Like you have?"

"Harper."

"Okay. I'll drop it, for now, brother. But I'm yet to meet a dead person who can organize an anniversary dinner so long after their passing. Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe it wasn't her?" Jack gulped.

"Knowing her. She had it all planned, just in case she wouldn't make it." Jack added sadly. He hates lying to his family, but there's nothing he can do about it. Even less when he has no clue as to what's going on.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

After ushering his sister out of his land, Jack finally enters the house. Harper had set the table with candles. Jack gulps, trying to ignore it. He dives for the shower he desperately wanted, trying to compose himself under the spray. Once he's dressed, he stands in front of the table and takes one of the two remaining burner phones he has.

_"How does it look?" She asks._

"What?"

_"I sent a request to Connor. There's nothing that could point to me, though. Except, the request of the dinner being brought to your house."_

"Sam…"

_"Do you still have phones available?"_

"Yeah. One."

_"Then, let's use that one for the doubts you have. The next number is three. Eighteen. Seven. Eighty-nine. Sixty-four. Fourteen. Let's use this one for dinner."_ She smiles. She's developing software that would allow them to call each other and even video conference, but it's still months away from being finished. _"Just put me on speaker."_ She says.

"This is nice. Thanks."

_"Well, it's the best thing I could come up with since it's the second year in a row I can't make it."_

"It sucks."

_"I agree,"_ they fall in a weird silence. Not knowing what they can ask, that won't be too painful to be shared. Still comfortable enough with each other, that they don't really need to talk. After a while, as he swallows the last piece of lasagna, she had him delivered, he sighs.

"Sam, Maybourne…."

_"Let me guess, he mentioned the cameras in your room."_

"Yeah."

_¨There weren't only in your room, Jack. I guess it's time for you to get my gift. Go to the notebook."_

"Okay."

_"Do you still have the napkin where you wrote the steps, or should I just guide you through them?"_ She chuckles.

"Ha. Ha." He turns the computer on, waits until it finishes loading, and places the thumb drive in its place. "I might need help with the software thing."

_"No, you won't. Just double click the one called 'to be run first' and then the one called 'run second'."_

"You really outdid yourself with those names." Jack snorts.

_"I know… Took me a while."_ She yawns. She's extremely tired. Jack suspects she pulled an all-nighter, keeping him company on several calls through his trip.

What he doesn't know is how she struggled to keep him from knowing about Parker. How even now she's placing their daughter to bed, even it's a little too early. That she'll most likely regret it later. Chances are he will never know the extent of the troubles she went through to make this night happen for them.

"So, I guess the 'Yup, I'm done!' means it's done?" Jack chuckles. He hears the distinct sound of a door closing.

_"Aren't you a bright guy?" s_ he mocks.

"What's the thing that needs all these shenanigans, so it can work?" Jack asks.

_"You should've gotten an email now."_ He checks and finds a link. _"Download the file. I'm not sure you'll like what you see. I know I wasn't happy when I first saw it, but I couldn't take my eyes away from it."_

"What's it?"

_"Play it."_

"Holy… fuck…." Sam giggles.

_"Kinda what we were doing there."_

"Sam… this…" he stops.

_"I have no idea how many people have seen the ones in black and white. All I know is that we're hot as hell together. I know that I love you, Jack. That I need you, and that those videos drive me insane with want."_

"Sam…" he growls. Having her words in his ear, making him as hot as the moans and pants he hears coming from the video.

_"I can't give you that, but I can give you these."_

"God…"

_"My thoughts exactly. Once you're all hot and bothered, you can fast forward to almost the end. I added a surprise for you."_ She says. _"God, I need you here."_

"I'm here." He says.

For the next hour, they drive each other crazy with want. The videos playing on both backgrounds making them bolder. They guide each other through a frenzied sex call until they listen to each other come.

_"Whoa… that was…."_

"Yeah…"

_"If you want to keep the video. I hope you do. Then you just need to copy it to the thumb drive while the current software is on. Once it's all copied over, you can close the two opened windows, and it will be done."_

"And if…"

_"You want to watch it? God, I've been watching these every other day since I found them."_ She giggles. _"If you want to watch them, just run both programs again like you did today."_

"Okay." He smiles.

_"I hope this one was a better anniversary than the last one."_ She says.

"It was. I won't stand a chance with the one when you'll be back by my side."

_"I know. I love you, Jack. We should sleep."_

"I don't want to let you go."

_"I don't want that either."_ She whispers, her heart breaking a little. _"We can talk tomorrow. You still have one burner left, right?"_

"Yeah."

_"Throw this one into your pond."_

"Yes, ma'am. As soon as I can move again." He mumbles and she chuckles.

_"Jack…."_ She starts.

She wants to tell him about Parker, and about how this whole thing is beyond screwed. How she thinks it will take a lot of time before she can return to him. If she's ever able to return to him. How she believes everything is so fucked up that she must depend on data, coming from a man she considers a weasel. A weasel who had enough connections to get more information than she had. She wants to tell him she's dying inside out with every single day she isn't Samantha Carter, and how she's breaking every rule in the book to recover herself, to return to him.

"Yeah?"

_"I love you. Sweet dreams."_ She lets out instead because she can't bear him sharing this burden with her.

"Love you more. Talk to you tomorrow?"

_"I'll wait for your call."_

**Thursday, March 13, 2003**

The next time she speaks with Jack, the story is different. She's walking around while he's telling her what he learned from Maybourne. But he doubts about adding that little thing about her resignation.

_"Jack… what aren't you telling me?" S_ he asks.

"Shouldn't I ask the same question?" He counters.

_"Jack. I can't tell you that much. Trust me on that. The least you know, the least they can burn you with."_ Sam points out.

"Maybourne said…. Sam, did you resign before they moved you away?" Sam outright laughs at him.

_"You think I would've walked into that safe house after that perfect week we had if I had resigned my commission?"_ He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"No. At least no without telling me, or Daniel, or Janet…."

_"I know there's a resignation letter in my file, Jack."_

"Maybourne told you."

_"The how isn't important now. The fact is, there's a resignation letter in my file that I never requested, but apparently, I signed. Don't dig too much on it. It might just get you into more trouble, Jack."_

"How can I not? They forced me to take you to that stupid safe house. They didn't even leave your things in your house long. I couldn't go find anything that could remind me of you. By the time I worked up the courage to go, everything was gone. Then they killed you, Sam! They killed you on national TV! Only to bring you back to help with that stupid issue we had."

"And really, we had bigger issues before that journalist wanted a date. They never wanted to pull you from wherever you are. Until then…."

_"I don't understand that one either, Jack. You need to know that I'll do anything to get back to my life. Back with you."_

"Anything?" Jack wondered.

_"Yeah. Why?"_

"Maybourne said you might need to break every rule in the book to get back, Sam."

_"Did he say something else about that?"_

"That you'd need me clean." Sam chuckles, then laughs almost hysterically. "What is it? What does it mean?"

_"Clean your house when you get there. Clean Daniel's house and Janet's house, and repeat the whole damn thing once a week. At least until you notice no one is following you anymore."_ She says, without a hint of feelings in her voice.

"Sam… I don't like the way you're talking."

_"If you have a chance, tell them I love 'em. Every one of them has a piece of my heart, although my soul belongs to you, Jack. It was always yours."_

"Sam…" he says, feeling a bout of despair bubbling up in his body.

_"I love you, Jack. I wish this was different. I wish there was a reality where you and I could just be Sir and Carter for years. I wish I could be there. I wish I could be me."_

"No," Jack says firmly, realizing where this was going.

_"You need to remain clean, Jack. The only way that happens is if I don't contact you anymore. Don't try to search for me either. If Maybourne is right, and there's a way. I won't have a way out without someone clean vouching for me at some point."_

"I'll vouch for you, Sam. But please don't disappear."

_"I'm sorry, Jack! I'm so so sorry! I must let you go! I love you too much to drag you down with me."_

"Sam. Don't do this. Carter!"

_"Goodbye… Jack."_

"No! Sam! Please!" he says. But the line's already dead. Jack looked at the device with wide eyes, as his heart broke again into a million pieces. He tried to place a call to the same number again, but it didn't connect.

"Fuck!" he growled. Throwing the last device against the wall.

He looked at the computer. It was still right where he had left it earlier. His anger bubbled again, making him want to smash it. He raised his fist high over the keyboard, ready to destroy it and what it had brought to him. Then, it occurred to him that this was one of the few links to her he had. A bit more to remember her. He tried to console himself, knowing that there was a bit more of her in there, close to him. He knew though, there was no way of healing him because he was so fucking broken.

**Thursday, March 13, 2003.**

After hanging up the phone and turning it off, Sam felt herself break beyond repair. She entered a coffee shop and ordered a tea before she scurried away to the bathroom. She watched herself break down in the mirror. She was so pale, her eyes puffy and red. The black circles under her eyes and the splotchy spots on her face pointed at how tired she was.

Taking a deep breath, as she fought with the need to cry out, she looked at Parker. The girl was sleeping soundly in her stroller. Utterly unaware of how damning the morning had been for her mom. How much in pain she was in, how even breathing hurt now that she had cut all ties to Jack, for his safety as much as their own. Splattering some water on her face, Sam pinched her cheeks to try to get some color into her. Before walking out of there, she drops the phone in one bin inside the bathroom.

Finally, she grabbed her tea, paid her order. Then walked the blocks to the Bank of America branch on Saxton St., Lake Jackson. Texas.

Lucy Rogers got out of the branch an hour later, holding a folder that used to belong to one Atticus Finch.

She stopped in a Post Office, bought an envelope, and mailed the file. She also took the chance and mailed the box containing her drives and camera. Then she headed back to Houston.

Knowing it was just what she needed to do now, she used her handler's phone once more, as she had planned.

"199 Goodwell dr. San Antonio. TX." The voice said.

Sam piled the few things she would need into her car and uprooted Parker once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't kill me.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! My awesome beta was kind enough to get this one back early!

**Thursday, August 26, 2004**

Sam was never a fan of politics. She'd disliked it a bit more when she learned about the political pressures inside the SGC. Since they forced her out of her life, she's become more knowledgeable about the inner workings of it. She's still under WITSEC, but it won't be long now. She can't remain in there much longer, and she knows it.

She's already purchased the first piece of land that will keep her and Parker safe. Jordan has made sure to add technology that would keep her - and by extension and unknowingly to him, Parker - "safer than the platinum inside Fort Knox."

There are still a few loose ends. She's got to get herself to Florida, where she had sent one of the several boxes containing fake ids for her and Parker. She risks a glance to her daughter, Parker's reading one of her children's books, and Sam smiles at it. She had been following the Montessori method. Just to try to fix any screws ups she might have created or will create every time they have to move.

So far, settling in different places, while keeping the things inside their homes in a similar coded fashion, seems that has been working. That she takes time to care for Parker and does stuff with her, in between whatever task she must get done. Her nightly coding escapades to figure out a bit more of what she already knows has to make some difference in Parker's life. Or so she thinks.

At two years and eight months old, Parker is a loud, carefree kid. One that has no issues making new friends every time they go to the park. She doesn't seem to care she has never seen the kid before it turns to be her 'fwien'. That somehow, she hasn't screwed up her daughter warms Sam's heart a bit.

As if she felt observed, Parker raises her head up and smiles at her mom. "P is reading, like mommy," she says, in her own version of English, and Sam smiles.

"Good job, sweet P," Sam cheers. She goes through yet another page of the file she copied to her server. She printed it out because it seemed easier if she can write or highlight parts of it. Besides, it'll only end up in another envelope going to the address she'll be using in a few months.

She shakes her head and goes back to her reading. Only to make a pit stop thinking of Jack. 'Brigadier General O'Neill.' She smiles. She knows they have promoted him. Sam's aware that his promotion might not be good for the chances of fulfilling the 'end of the war' part of the deal, not with him out of the front lines. Since his mind is more strategic, the position might prove better. Now he commands thirty teams instead of just one. She chuckles, at least she's been good at keeping her hopes up so far.

Her alarm goes off, so she places everything back in the file, and picks Parker up from her spot. "Bath time!" she grins. She bathes her, takes her to bed, and reads her a bedtime story, before she goes out of the room, closing the door carefully behind herself.

It's still too early to have the announcement, but she's too jumpy to sit still. She decides for a shower. Then she gets back to her file. It's amazing, she thinks, that she has the focus to get lost into the paperwork when there's a chance of something going wrong in the next few hours.

Her phone vibrates at 10 pm and she frowns. _"Turn on the TV,"_ the message says, and she knows it's from Jordan. Taking a deep breath, she changes the channel from the forgotten cartoons to the news. They already confirmed the first candidate a few days back. It's scary what Jordan and she found on the man that has the potential to run the country.

Now, this press-conference on the news is about to start. Sam needs to know if this other side it's at least half better than the other. She's dying to see if she'll be able to sleep at night or if she must speed up the progress even further.

The man that comes out on top, it's not the one she expected. "Henry Hayes," Sam mumbles. "At least you aren't the worse option," she mumbles, as she listens to him giving his acceptance speech.

Sam's had Jordan helping her track information about all the candidates. She hopes to know if there were more dirty people in their ranks or if they're dirty themselves. She gets nothing from Hayes, other than his spotless USAF career and the fact that he had served along with George Hammond.

Then, he drops the bomb that makes her doubt the state of his cleanliness. _"For this run, for this future effort of becoming the change we need, I've picked Robert Kinsey to have my back."_

Sam flinches. "Not exactly someone trustworthy to have your back there," she mutters. She leaves the news on and keeps working until she can't keep her eyes open anymore.

She wakes up to the piercing sound of her home phone ringing in the night's silence. They'd landed in this little piece of heaven in New Hampshire, just a few weeks earlier. And she really doesn't give this number to anyone. Yawning, she checks the clock. She rubs her face since it's barely five am. She frowns then. She knows no one that would call her at this time of the morning. She reaches for the device and picks it up.

_"You need to get out of there, now!"_ Kira's voice says even before she can say hello.

"Kira? It's 5 am."

_"I know! I was working late… I… Look, this call is from out of the network, so it's not monitored. I'm currently locked inside my office with all your information. I activated the fire drill when I figured out what they were doing here. I'm sorry, I hope you've managed to set whatever fail-safe you needed, but you've run out of time. I'll see what else I can do to stop them, but they'll be there in two hours. Three hours tops. "_

"Oh, fuck."

_"I'm sorry."_

"It's not your fault. Thanks."

_"I know if someone can fix whatever the heck is going on, it's got to be you."_

She hung up the phone. Without thinking twice, she just unplugged her CPU from everything else. Then she grabbed the boxes with Parker's red toys and emptied the blue and green ones inside it. If her daughter was awake, Sam's sure she would get a complaint from Parker and her color system.

She takes an empty one, and places her CPU inside it, throwing the colored toys on top, hiding the CPU at the bottom. Knowing that she'll need a different car sooner rather than later. She finds her tools and heads for the car. Dropping the box inside, she disassembles the GPS tracker she knows the car has, careful not to stop the feed. Then, rushing inside, she takes one of the empty boxes and goes inside Parker's room. Throwing every piece of clothing that will fit and then some into the box, trying her best not to wake up her daughter in the process.

At last, she throws her clothes in the last box. Finishing her task by placing the box with her personal belongings from back when she was Sam Carter inside it. She grabs a bag, throwing some snacks, food, and some milk boxes for Parker inside it. She grabs her box in an awkward grasp and throws both inside the car.

Lastly, she goes for the most important part of her life. Sam picks Parker up from her bed. Her baby girl stirs a little, but her head lolls back to sleep, as she feels herself surrounded by the warmth of her blanket and her mom. With her free hand, she picks her favorite plush toy and the doll she loves and sets her safely in the car.

For once it seems like forever has gone quicker than she wanted. With sleeping Parker strapped into her seat, she drives away. She drives by Main street and drops the cars' GPS inside the bed of a truck. She completes the trip from Pittsfield, NH to Concord NH in less than thirty minutes.

Her car needs to go, though. So she parks outside one of the biggest stores. One that already has some cars in the parking lot. She breaks the window of one parked next to her. While moving everything as quickly as she can, she doesn't even have time to feel guilty about stealing the car. She makes her way to Boston in an hour.

It's too early, and Parker might wake up at any time now. When she does, Sam drives around and finds a parking lot. She places Parker in her stroller and they stop for breakfast as if there's nothing wrong in the world. With hunger and bathroom needs fulfilled, they head to a post office, where she's had a PO Box and retrieved one of the several boxes of fake IDs Sam has been scattering around the country.

She places the box safely in Parker's stroller and takes out one ID that has a debit card. Then, she sets out for a secondhand car lot. On her way, she finds a store and gets some burner phones and a screwdriver she knows she'll need. She finds a car that won't attract that much attention and won't break down on her after the first few miles and pays for it. With paperwork finished, Sam drives it to the parking lot, moves all her things in, and starts what she knows will be a long drive to Florida. Especially with the mix of her two-year-old and avoiding highways.

They stop at the outskirts of Boston. She pays a homeless man to call 911 from a payphone and alert them of what looks like a stolen car. She drives away as fast as she can. It's five pm when stops in Philadelphia. She takes out another ID and rents a room. The hotel was so bad that the clerk didn't even bat an eye when she comes and goes, dropping their stuff inside the stale smelling room that reminds her of Goa'uld cells, but she won't complain.

Grabbing Parker, she drives the car across town and leaves it. After dinner, they take a taxi back to the hotel. She tries to keep their night ritual somewhat intact, and once Parker's asleep, she takes the drives out of her CPU and places it in the box with her clothes. Before going to bed herself.

The next morning, after stopping for a healthy breakfast. They walk to yet another used car lot. Sam picks a fairly nice minivan. They drive back to the hotel and gather their stuff. A few hours later, they stopped at a small park. So Parker can get out and play. Sam sits on a park bench and smiles as Parker makes yet another 'fwiend'. She takes the moment to call Jordan.

_"What happened?"_ He answered.

"Why do you assume something happened?"

_"You are calling, aren't you?"_ Jordan pointed out.

"I got a call. They were onto me. I had to make a break for it. I'm heading to the Venus project."

_"Okay. You know how to get there, right?"_

"Yeah. No worries. It might take me a lot longer to get there, so don't worry if I don't show up in time."

_"Well, they can't exactly kill you again, right? "_

"That's so not comforting." She answers.

_"I'm sorry."_

"It should be easier to get back at you once I'm settled. I already have half the things I need. I also know you settled everything up, so my drives can fit nicely with what you there for me."

_"Yes, ma'am! I do have a question though."_

"Yes?"

_"Why there?"_ Sam chuckled.

"It's far away enough that I won't find anyone who knows me and close enough to the project that I won't have issues finding tech if I need it. Are we close on getting the other ones ready to move?"

_"Not yet. We might be able to move one or two… All of them at once will be too risky at this point. Especially if you aren't available, in case we need you."_

"We might not have much more time."

_"Why?"_

"Don't you agree that it came too close to the last candidate announcement to be a coincidence?"

_"I didn't think about it. I guess you might be right. Considering you do know the background of the thing that you're doing and I don't."_

"Jordan," Sam warned.

_"I know, I know... It's for my own good."_

"Gotta go."

_"Call if you need anything."_

"Will do."

Two weeks later, once they're finally settled in what might be their home for a good while. Sam risk a trip to Boca Raton. She picks some things Jordan had left for her at her PO Box. She sees a card and smiles.

Out of the spur of the moment, she grabs it, buys it, and a pen. Sam scribbles down something inside it, then she spots a kid and pays him to write an address down for her. She thanks him, stamps it and sends it away.

When they reach home, she gets back to her plans for her next escape, in case she needs it. Unfortunately, she knows she will.

Sam knows she can't keep herself in the same place for longer than a year or she risks becoming a sitting duck. Her gut rebels against the idea of being a sitting target as much as her heart rebels against the idea of uprooting Parker again.

Moving without giving herself away, takes a lot of time and she knows it. Moving other people is equally dangerous. Yet, she has her eyes set on one place they won't look. She calls Jordan to let him know that he'll be receiving instructions for buying a large piece of property up in Washington state.

The compound, she knows, already has the structure she'll need to keep the several families that she plans to get out of a fate much like her own.

**Wednesday, December 15, 2004**

Jack rubs his face tiredly. There's a couple of hours between now and the moment he might have to face a replicator version of his wife. That's not the only issue at hand. She wants to meet Sam. She had asked to speak with him alone over the video feed and tells him she knows Sam's alive. " _But,"_ she says, _"I'll settle for you, Jack."_

The way she said his name raised all the alerts there could be. From what she told him, _he_ created her from Sam's memories from the last time Jack saw her alive. Jack knew they all had their minds played with by the human-like replicators. He just wasn't sure what had they'd had access to and what they hadn't.

So, Jack knows, that chances are replicator Carter knows he's Sam's husband, but beyond that, Jack's terrified that she'll be able to play him, using his feelings for Sam. At this point, Jack O'Neill is the image of despair. He's sitting in his chair with his head lowered on propped hands, shoulders slumped. His fingers move through now completely grey hair, trying to ease down somewhat the headache that has formed since they announced the last IDC Sam Carter had earlier that day. When he had found her staring back at him with knowing eyes and that glint of something he couldn't quite identify.

"Sir," Major Davis says, entering his office.

"Major," he nods. Taking his time before sitting straight.

"Sir, you'll have to go face the replicator version of Samantha Carter," Davis tells him. Jack sighs, he was afraid that would be the case. That for some reason, they wouldn't allow Sam to come and fix the mess as only she could, in this case.

"It's a replicator version of Carter! For cryin' out loud! Who would know this replicator better than Sam Carter herself?" Jack grouses.

"That's not it, sir." Davis sighed, looking nervous.

As if on cue, they hear the unintelligible chatter coming from the hallway. It's easy to pinpoint Daniel, Teal'c, and Janet's exchange. There's a knock on his door and they enter. Jack gives them a half-smile, feeling a bittersweet pang of guilt when he thinks SG-1 isn't what it used to be.

"Sir?" Janet asks. "Any news? Do we even know how it's possible that's Sam's copy?"

"Davis was just informing me I should face her. Please Davis explains to them why we even need a JCS agreement before I get sent out." Jack says, clenching his jaw. Besides Davis and Jack, the only one who knows Sam's alive is Teal'c. Paul knows this.

"Sir…"

"Davis," Jack says, looking at the man straight in the eyes. "Look, just tell me why you aren't bringing her in to do it. The real explanation."

"Her?"

"Yes, Daniel. _Her._ Samantha Carter or whatever name she holds at the moment."

"The thing is… Sir…. We don't know where she is."

"You don't know? Ask WITSEC! How hard can it be! Have them check their database for whoever she is nowadays!"

"Sam's alive?" Janet asks, surprised.

"Indeed," Teal'c says. "Although I'm not aware of what has transpired between her death, the last time we saw her and today."

"We believe the last time we saw her it's when the replicator accessed her brain and got whatever they needed to make a copy of her," Jack huffs. "Go on, Davis, you can explain to them the rest…"

"Major Carter was placed into witness protection. To keep her safe, after the kidnapping she suffered at the hands of Rick Jameson. She was brought out of the program to inform a journalist about the Prometheus before they hijacked the ship. That only reinforced the idea that she should be kept out of the loop."

"And that's what they're doing again?" Daniel asked in disbelief. Davis shook his head.

"No. Nothing like that." Jack bites back a dry laugh.

"Then why isn't she here? It's her replicator, I'm sure she'll be better equipped to deal with her than any of us will be," Daniel frowned.

"Because we don't know where she is, and by we, I mean WITSEC doesn't know where she is. It's come to my attention that we know nothing about Samantha Carter's whereabouts since the early morning of August 27th."

"August 27th? And you are just learning this, Davis?"

"Yes, sir."

"And you don't know if this is internal? Do you know if someone reached her?"

"All I know is that at 04:45 of August 27th, one Sarah Morris locked herself in her office and set fire to her files. She was the only known handler for Samantha Carter's case. They retrieved Major Carter's case file from a half-burnt folder. Important data was already gone. Morris isn't cooperating. After a couple of days, the IT team could get into Morris's computer. However, when they reached the last known address…." Davis trailed off.

"What happened?" Daniel asked.

"Someone trashed it. Everything was scattered around the condo. The CPU of her computer wasn't found, and her car was missing. Besides that, there's no clue what else they have taken from there, or if someone took her. They found her car after it was towed away from a store half an hour away from the place where she was living."

"That's it? That's all you know?" Janet frowned.

"There's a trail that dies in Boston. Someone reported a car stolen back in the same store where her car was found. Someone called 911 to alert them of a car that seemed stolen in a parking lot. The stolen car and the alerted car were the same. But there're no cameras in the area that could tell us if she was alone or if someone else had her. The caller's voice was sent to voice recognition. It's not a match. There's no footage or paper trails attached to her last know name after that day."

"So, you lost her."

"It seems we did."

"Well, fuck."


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one as scheduled ... let's see if someone figured out parts of this one :P

**Thursday, December 16, 2004**

He steals one last glance at the control room. It's been almost a year since they promoted him to that desk job of his and now, he wonders if this was such a great idea. He knows it isn't. He can't face a Sam look alike when he knows his own feelings are cracking under the pressure of seeing her.

He knows Daniel and Janet are pissed at him, which means half of SG-1 isn't speaking to him. That's why it's only Teal'c with him at the Alpha site, Teal'c, and the disruptor gun, actually. Well, that whatever could come out of the replicator Teal'c wouldn't comment on, whereas Daniel…. Well, he would annoy Jack non-stop if that thing gave something away about them. About him and Sam.

Jack shook his head. Maybe bringing Daniel around wouldn't have been such a bad idea. Maybe it would've made him talk.

"Definitively, pissed…" he mumbles, before he follows Teal'c to the other side.

The replicator is in a holding cell. There are cameras pointing towards her and she has her eyes fixed on those. As if she knows exactly where to look. Jack says this out loud and the tech that remained at Alpha said. "She just might, sir. She is tech and cameras are just more tech."

"That doesn't help me at all, kid." Jack shook his head. "Let's do this, T."

They walk to the other side of the room and open the door. Jack enters and Teal'c remains behind, pointing the gun towards her. She doesn't flinch, her eyes are fixated on Jack.

"Jack!" she mutters, in the same half awed, half enamored tone his Sam used in their few days of their private life. Jack hopes he'd kept his face inexpressive, but the slight crook of her head tells him she's onto something.

"That'd be General O'Neill for you," he says in a neutral tone.

"Right," she smiles sheepishly. "I'm sorry, sir," she adds. Suckling her lips in that slow, tempting way Sam did whenever she was trying to get him under her spell. Inside him, his heart breaks a little more. He fights a battle not to betray his wife with this bug-version of herself. "Where's Samantha?"

"That's none of your business." She smiles.

"My mind was modeled after hers. I hold her memories and feelings." The replicator adds with a sweet, knowing smile. "I thought they would allow her to come to face me. After all, they brought her back from the dead before, and her actions then, caused my existence."

"Well, it didn't happen. Whatcha know about her? How far do your memories go?"

"I'm not sure," she huffs. "I have scattered memories of her youth, and some other little things," she smiles. "I know my memories aren't my own. I also know that Fifth didn't understand that the things that made him like her are the same things that would make her reject him. If he ever offered her what he wanted to offer her. Beyond that, I know he wasn't in her mind long enough to get all the pieces. He wanted her. He wanted to get more from her, but it would've given away his plans if he appeared on Earth searching for her. So, he created me with what he had."

"So, what brings you here?"

"You."

Jack had gulped then. Just knowing that _thing_ that looked like Sam and spoke like Sam… wasn't his Sam. No matter how much her eyes seemed to shimmer whenever she looked at him.

"I love you, Jack," she had whispered in his ear once they were alone. Fuck, that felt good.

It felt amazing to have Sam's hand playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He had struggled not to kiss her. Reminding himself that this wasn't _his_ Sam, not really. That she seemed to know something else about his Sam that he didn't, helped to keep himself at bay, as he tried to learn what that could be.

His mission was to assess the risk she was. To get the information about Fifth plans out of her. He had tried. He'd also asked her what she knew about Sam. "I would tell you," she smiled softly at him and caresses his face as his Sam would. "But like her, I love you, Jack. I don't want to hurt you. She never wanted to hurt you."

He wondered now if that had been the deciding factor. If the way 'she' had looked at him like he mattered, was what had swung the balance. Making him fall for the Replicator's trick.

Now, two days later, and after having her in his head, telling him she knew better. That Sam knew Fifth was nothing but weak. That her creator was nothing comparing with him. Only to figure out later that she had tricked him. Making herself immune to the only weapon capable of killing replicators for good. He was regretting ever stepping through the gate to the Alpha site.

When he returns, Janet is the one checking him out. The harsh way his check-up is going, and that Daniel is nowhere to be seen, tells him he'll need to grovel back into their good graces. He calls them both to his office later that day. Tells them he wants to talk to them, but outside the walls of Cheyenne.

"You never know who might be listening," he says. That adds some level of comprehension to Daniel and Janet's minds. "But not yet, I need to…" he trails. Daniel's eyes flash with understanding.

"That had to be hard," Daniel says, nodding towards the general direction of the gate.

"It was, I need time." Jack states and they nod. It might piss them off that he allowed them to believe Sam was dead. Yet, they know that if there's anyone more attached to Sam than them, it was him. Adding to the seasonal scrubbing of their places that he does himself… Things start to make more sense to the Doctors.

Days later, under the Holidays season pretense, Jack had kicked everyone but a short number of people off the base. Truth was, he knew he had screwed up badly a few days earlier. Now, doomsday was looking more like a metallic bugs plague than a war. So, he sends the teams to rest home and spend some much-needed time enjoying their families before things became hectic again.

He is going to take his two weeks up in Minnesota to see the family he could still visit. While reminiscing on the footage of the one he lost. The one he needs whispering loving words into his ears. To erase the feeling of the touch of the replicator that was so like her. He needs to hear the ' _I love you, Jack,'_ coming from her mouth on repeat. Until he can't hear the contaminated version spoken by her replicator anymore.

Sometimes, when he watches her videos, he wonders how things would've been different if he'd a camera when Charlie was alive.

Shaking himself of his holiday's blues. He gets to the B-3 lab. Grabbing all the equipment for debugging, he still keeps there. He goes home, showers and dresses, not losing sight of the bag full of the things he needs. Then, he drives to Janet's house, where he spends the next hour searching for any kind of bugs.

He finds some and yanks them down. "You've got to stop doing this shit! There's nothing left for you to check here!" He shouts into a mic before pulling it out. His screams make Janet and Daniel jump, startled. They can see the angriness bubbling on his shoulders, along with something else. _Despair_ , they agree unknowingly.

"For crying out loud! It's been three years, nine months, and seven days since you make me do this shit! Stop it already. We don't know where she is! We don't know how to find her! And we don't fucking know how to contact her!"

His friends watch him in silence as he punches the wall beside the last mic. Wondering if they'd been a bit too harsh on him after all. He continues working as fast as he can. At some point, Janet walks out of her house and then back, brining Cassie with her.

"Cassie," Jack says and holds the girl closely.

"Hey, Uncle Jack… I kinda need a shower. Will an hour work for you guys?" she asks. Knowing that they were there for some reason besides an early Christmas dinner.

"Yeah, we're finished here," Jack says. Still, he pulls out the jammer device Sam had made for them. Though it feels like that was ages ago. Shaking his head, he turns it on.

They sit around Janet's living room and with a sigh, Jack explains what little he knows. How they had forced him to take Sam to a safe house. How she'd appeared out of the blue for a mission that ended up with a replicator making one in her spitting image. He keeps the change in their relationship to himself. They don't need to know that after all the time they'd kept it together, even after that forced confession had left their mouths. That they had broken under the pressure of a life-changing event beyond their control.

"There has to be a way to find her!" Daniel exclaims. Unbeknownst to them, Cassie has been listening to their exchange and gasps at this. She pads back to her room and searches through her books for something until she finds it.

"We shouldn't," Cassie states. Entering the room and shuffling her weight from one leg to the other. Jack realizes that she looks terribly young to have lost so many people already.

"Cassie, honey… Why would you say something like that?" Janet tries.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Jack." She whispers and gives him an envelope.

Jack frowns at it. He doesn't recognize the scribbling from the outside. He's sure he hasn't ever seen it before. He takes the contents out and finds a card. Another fishing kid stares at him. He opens the card and gasp. He would recognize Sam's handwriting everywhere, no matter how fast or carefully she wrote whatever she was writing. He clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath before concentrating on actually reading the text.

_"When the time comes, and it will come, tell him I'm okay. I won't be all right until I can be back with you all. Tell them they shouldn't search for me. It's truly dangerous, I love you. I love you all. I'm so sorry I'm causing so much pain,"_ it said with Sam's rushed scribbles.

"I guess that solves it for us," he mumbles. Dropping the card on the table before grabbing his jacket and walking away. He needs to be alone with his thoughts. He needs to be alone so he could see that video of her telling him she loves him. Time, so he can grab the remaining scraps of his heart and sew them back together. Now that he at least knew she was alive for sure.

**Saturday, January 22, 2005**

**Jnerd:** _"So, you think we can trust him?"_

Those words blink in Sam's eyes for a while. By him, Jordan means President Hayes. It's only his second day in the office, Sam reckons. Still, there's nothing that points out that he shouldn't be trusted. Except, well, his vice president.

She also knows that Henry Hayes should be aware now of the top-secret things happening in his country. Things like what's really going on under Cheyenne mountain. The situation with the Goa'uld and replicators. She sighed.

She rubs her eyes tiredly. She's been keeping track of what's going on in the galaxy. She knows there's a new human-like replicator moving around, but she doesn't know much more than what's written. She was SG-1 once, and she is utterly aware of how much they used to leave out of the reports.

That there's a report detailing a visit from Jack to the Alpha site. One that's related to a human-like replicator that says nothing much more than the fact that the replicators might now know how to make themselves immune to the disruptor-gun Jack had made. Yet, it doesn't give any knowledge of what's going on. She trusts whatever's happening, they'll be able to face it as they have for so long.

Sam now works for herself during the day. Behind the scenes of the companies she's creating with Jordan's help, and under his name. She's usually in front of her computer, or files. Except whenever Parker is the owner of her full attention and at three years and a month old, she requires a lot of time. However, there's the freedom of doing whatever she wants with her nights after P is down.

So, with the extra time, she gathers from both the SGC and 51 servers, all the information they have about the disruptor gun. Making a new version of it becomes Sam's newest night project. One that keeps her from thinking of him, and what could have been. Hiding behind work has been, after all, one of her most mastered skills.

**Jnerd:** _You still there?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Sorry, I got a bit distracted._

**Jnerd:** _I'm tempted to develop a buzzer or something to get your attention._

**GrandEmpress:** _God, please don't. I'm not sure._

**Jnerd:** _About my buzzer?_

**GrandEmpress:** _No! About how much trust we can place on the guy._

**Jnerd:** _What about the gala, then? Should I go?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Yes. Just keep yourself focused on being the news and magazines you. Everything will be alright if you do._

**Jnerd:** _I can be Iron Man, but no one can know you're Tony Stark._

**GrandEmpress:** _You are such a nerd. :D_

**Jnerd:** _That's what magazines say. :D_

**Jnerd:** _Okay. I'm heading out. Don't be up so late to do whatever you're doing now. We are already rocking our finances. A top ten of the Forbes500. And not just one, but six of your developments made it to the list. One day I'll know why you joined the AF. Instead of becoming just a young talented tech millionaire like you are now._

**GrandEmpress:** _You don't even know how old I am._

**Jnerd:** _Thirty-five according to the USAF file of the one they killed. But, right, you never mentioned being her in the first place._

**GrandEmpress:** _Your drive to try to find out more about me is duly noted. I guess between your drive and my grit, that's the explanation as to why you got an invitation to the White House._

**Jnerd:** _I like to think it's my good looks and your brain._

**GrandEmpress:** _Oh, well…. I hate to disappoint, but it has nothing to do with your looks. And all to do with the number of zeroes in your bank account._

**Jnerd:** _Ikr! Politicians can be such Golddiggers sometimes. Good night, Grand Empress. I'll talk to you soon._

**GrandEmpress:** _Go catch some zees for all of us._

**Jnerd:** _Someone must do that sacrifice!_

Sam chuckles as she sees him disconnect from their now private server. One that sits inside one of the six multi-billion dollars company that she helped develop. To her greatest annoyance, all the technology she'd helped create or has created from scratch was done with the hopes that she could find a way to contact her friends. Since she's dug out more information on the extent of the situation… She can never contact them until the day she comes back from the dead.

Rubbing her face, she decides she'll need a break soon. She's been inside this house for too long. It's been almost six months since her last escapade to Boca Raton. Since then, they've been only going out for walks inside the limits of their land. Even when the weather was nice, she and Parker remained inside the walls of their 10 acres of land.

"Someone said 10 acres was small," Jordan said. Once when she'd asked what the hell he was thinking. But using them now, she wasn't complaining anymore.

She had asked him to set up two rooms, ' _In case I got bored,_ ' she'd told him. Then, she made sure to get enough stuff to make it suitable for Parker's needs. Besides that, there was a crew coming to keep up the land. Once a week, a truck from a store would come to fill up their needs. Anything else she either ordered online or was placed on the list for one secretary of the Miami offices. Unless it was urgent, it ended up in the same weekly truck with an extra cost.

It had its advantages. There weren't people snooping around or disturbing her train of thought. She had lots of time with her daughter, and even more time, to develop whatever came to her mind. It also helped a lot with the ongoing investigation.

She smiled. Since her August escapade and the hit of their video conference software. They'd managed to get several scientists from out of the WITSEC fiasco. They were now settled in different houses. Under different names while waiting for the final adaptation of the Washington state compound.

Sam needed to make a trip there to make sure everything was working properly. That there weren't any traces of Trinium, Goa'uld rings, or some hidden stash they hadn't found inside the former Seth's compound. Then, the ten families could move there, under fake IDs. They would get a chance to send their kids to school while working at one of the many companies settled there. So they could expand their chances of landing government contracts.

Each contract placed more people she "trusted" inside the minefield the Government was. The fact that the scientist that now worked for her, were all experts in weaponry, engineering, telecommunications, computer sciences, and several other branches, allowed them to grow exponentially.

Every step of the way had her asking herself if she was becoming too much like the bad guys, herself.

She checked the SGC feed, just to see if he'd gone home. She found him in his office, looking exhausted, and it felt to her he was keeping the weight of the world on his shoulders. She hoped that after all this time, the weight, related to her wasn't so heavy on him anymore. That one of them had gotten the better end of this fucked up deal. That without the constant reminder of her existence, he'd managed to move on slightly. She rubbed her chest. Her heart always beat painfully when she saw him. Her mind going back to the years as his 2IC, and to that blissfully happy week, they'd had. She really hoped it wasn't like that for him, but knowing him…

She sighed. He was keeping the oddest of the schedules since that trip to the Alpha site. The SGC activity was crazier, too. She wondered, not for the first time, just how close they were to doomsday again. She wondered if she would have a chance to get back to him before the end of the world. Shaking her head, she caressed the screen where he was. Feeling stupidly selfish, she got back to work. The world wouldn't save itself, and she knew it.


	40. Chapter 40

**Saturday, March 12, 2005**

Since marrying Samantha Carter, one thousand, four hundred and sixty-two days ago, Jack had always managed to take a day off to commemorate it, in any way he could. His best anniversary memories are the nice video Sam emailed to his computer, where she was wearing his ring. Then the second one, when she'd had a nice dinner prepared for him. That one included some hot footage of what they did during their last week together, along with a newer one of herself.

Year three was catastrophic for him. He knew she was alive, but out of reach. Yet, he had somehow hoped she would go back on her word. By sending him something to let him know that she was still thinking of him. When at 11:59:59 of March 12, 2004, he had received nothing… Jack cried. Not because he was weak. Or because he missed her desperately. Or because he wanted her by his side, as it should've always been. No, it was because from all the finals they'd had… Not getting anything from her to tell him _she_ remembered him, that _she_ was still holding onto him, was too painful for his old bones. It crushed his hopes for good.

Now, year four surprises Jack with the inability to get out of the base. To make matters worse, the Tok'ra had arrived, bringing his father-in-law along.

Truth is, they aren't anywhere near to finding a solution to the current and fast approaching doomsday, one he, of all people, helped shape. Yet, here are the Tok'ra is trying to put even more pressure on their already strained resources.

When their meeting ends, Jack hurries back into his office, and Jacob follows him.

"They'll be leaving soon. I'll be staying for a few days. Going to visit Mark while I can. Do you mind if I crash at your place?"

"Nah, go ahead."

"Jack…"

"We can talk later, dad."

"Okay." Jacob nods, understanding by the way he's calling him that whatever it's bothering him, it's personal and not doomsday related.

Later, turns out to be a week later, when Jacob returns from visiting his son. Deciding to crash at Jack's once again. He finds the General sitting in his living room, staring at nothing in particular.

"Jacob," Jack greets.

"I thought you'd at least learned to lock your door by now," Jacob jokes.

"What for? They still enter every other week to re-bug my house. Even though the last thing I know about your daughter, is the last thing they told me."

"They need to bring her back," Jacob states, plopping himself in front of the younger man and looking at him straight into the eyes. " _You_ need to convince them, Jack. We need her here for this! Selmak also agrees. Heck! We can plead the Tok'ra council wants her to be part of this!"

"Jacob. They can't." Jack mutters, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Why not? They stowed her away. As if she was some sort of damsel in distress that's safer bubble wrapped inside a crystal castle, for crying out loud!" Jack chuckles dryly.

"They lost her, Jacob. That's why."

"They lost her?"

"That's what I said."

"How?" Jacob frowned.

"I guess if they knew how they lost her, she wouldn't be still…. Lost." Jack shrugs.

"So, she escaped them?" Jacob frowns in confusion.

"It seems so... Look, all I know is the little Davis told me. Her handler made a huge deal of keeping her data safe. When they reached her last known address, she was long gone. We also happen to know she was alive around September, and that's thanks to a card she sent to Cassie. More than that… I can't help you."

"Jack…."

"No!" Jack says as he notices the compassionate glance Jacob's giving him.

"You need to let her go, Jack."

"No."

"It's been what? Four years? You can't live forever waiting for her, Jack. It's not good for you. Trust me, I know you want to see her, hug her, and well, a lot more… But you gotta let her go. We can't move forward if she's the one dragging us down. Not when there's no way for us to know if she'll ever return."

"And if she does? What do I tell her when she does? When she finds I've moved on? That I couldn't keep myself going? That had to find someone else to forget her? What do I tell her then?"

"That you love her, Jack. What else can you say?"

"What about I love you! I've been waiting for you this whole time. I knew, I always knew, you'd come back to me?"

"And if she doesn't?" Jacob asks. Jack gulps.

"I can't think like that, Jacob. I just can't."

"Then wait for her, Jack. Until you can move on," Jacob said sadly, standing up and patting Jack's shoulder as he walked past him. "For all it's worth, I'm sorry, Jack. You both deserve better."

**Friday, June 3, 2005**

Among the fears that make Samantha Carter's life. The one that scares her the most is screwing up her daughter. Three weeks earlier, she had those fears finally calmed down, albeit somewhat. The things money can buy include several sessions with different experts in child development.

 _"Hello, my name is Sophia Basset. I'm trying to write a book about a family that ends up in witness protection. Since I don't know anyone in that situation… I was wondering how it would affect a child of… let's say three and a half? To have to move around and change, not only towns and friends but names?"_ She'd inquired several times with the same fake name, and they all had agreed to a point.

Sam knew before speaking to them that the key, most likely, was in keeping things as normal as she could. The experts said that the best thing parents could do in such a hypothetical situation was to take the kid to school. So, despite having a weird life, the kid would still have children of their own age to be friends with. Then, they gave her several cringe-worthy ideas about how having a kid in school could help her plot.

The ideas included that whoever was responsible for them being under witness protection, finding them because of the kid. Having the family traced down because of the kid's school records or something else that didn't help to put her at ease. She could've lived without any of those.

Still, she'd kept Parker with herself for too long. It wasn't fair to the kid to be placed in such a cage when she deserved to soar by herself. So Sam had called Jordan. Asking him for a list of places where they had a house she could use.

Now, their new home address was 71 Chamberlain Hill Rd, Higganum, CT. The trip to the school took less than nine minutes, according to the GPS. The only thing remaining was training Parker to answer to a new name and teaching her that mommy's name had also changed.

"P… Come here!" She shouted. Parker rushed to the living room.

"Yes, mommy?" She said with all the innocence one three-and-a-half-year-old could muster.

"P… What's your name?"

"P," she grinned.

"And mommy's?"

"Mommy!" She clapped.

"P, you know how we moved to this place now, right?" Parker nodded eagerly. Sam wasn't sure Parker knew what she was asking her. "In a few weeks from now, you're going to go to pre-K."

Parker frowned. "What's pre-kay?"

"School, you'll get to meet some kids, new friends. You're going to learn lots of new things."

"Like the show on TV?"

"Yeah. But, P… Before you can go, you need to learn your name and mommy's name. You think you can do that?"

"My name is P… Par. Ker…." She grinned, proud of herself. Sam caressed her cheek softly, placing a loose strand of blonde hair behind her daughter's ear.

"No, P. You can't tell that name to anyone." Parker frowned. "I'm going to give you three names and you can pick the one you like the most. How does that sound?"

"Cool!"

"Abigail, Emily, or Maggie?"

"Maggie!"

"So, if anyone asks what's your name… What will you say now?" Sam asks, holding her breath.

"Maggie!" Parker exclaims, clapping her hands as if it's some sort of game they are playing.

"Your name is Maggie Coleman. Mommy's name is Tara Coleman." Parker frowned. "So, mommy will start calling you Maggie, until you get used to answering to it Is that okay, Maggie?"

"Yes, mommy."

"And what's mommy's name?"

"Tara."

"Great job, Maggie!"

**Thursday, June 28, 2006**

Jack dropped himself back in his chair. He couldn't believe the replicators were gone. That Anubis is gone… somehow. That all they are left to deal with is "minor Goa'ulds" including several copies of Ba'al. He's so close to completing the 'end-the-Goa'uld-war' part of this deal. Yet, he's so far from the 'clean-the-rogue-NID-out-of-our ranks' side of the deal. It's taking him too fucking long.

The past eighteen months have been nothing but a constant heartache. Starting from seeing the Carter-look-alike staring at him, calling him Jack. Falling for her tricks and helping her and her brethren become immune to their weapons. Adding to it, there was all that groveling he had to do for knowing Sam was alive and not telling Janet and Daniel about it.

If it wasn't for Cassie. They wouldn't even know she was still alive, somewhere. Hopefully safe from the people who wanted to get to her. Because he's almost sure it's her who they want.

Yet, when he finally thought he was over it. Along came Jacob, and he had to explain to the old man that no matter what little or much he could do, it seemed there was no bringing Sam back from the dead. Then there was that thing with Jacob telling him to move on… Jack had been all wrapped up in knowing that he'd been the one who had left them defenseless. That he'd been the one who had taken Sam away from them. That because of him, the world almost didn't make it.

Jack rubbed his face tiredly. "Wherever you are, Sam. I hope you know that I love you," he mumbles to no one in particular as he stargazes again, after so many months. "Wherever you are, I hope you're feeling safe."

**Monday, August 28, 2006**

Sam sits backs and groans. It seems that not even all the extra time she now has can help her with her issues. Whenever she thinks someone's clean, they go and do some shit that makes her start distrusting them all over again.

The list of people she really trusts is short: Jack, Teal'c, Daniel, Janet, Cassie, Jordan, Parker, and this barely eighteen-year-old who's been working with her since 2003. She trusts him because somehow; he decided that he could join the USAF Academy, to find out if there were some levels of corruption inside.

'Levels of corruption' is the explanation she gave to Jordan. That's also what they fed the kid. That's the nickname they use for him, too. The kid had proven useful, he's not very tech smart. Still, he had untangled several compromising situations inside the USAF, even if only for Sam's eyes. That he hadn't tried to fix those issues or make them known, had gained him Sam's trust.

She looks at her screen without really looking at it. There's a bittersweet battle going on inside of her. She knows the battle against the replicators is over. She knows Anubis is gone. Sam also knows… She wasn't there to help.

They always told her or made her feel like they wouldn't survive without her brain. That her dumb ideas were the ones taking them a step forward. Tilting the balance in their favor. Now, she wonders if McKay was right. That she was just a pawn in a game. That she was just taking risks with everyone's lives as some sort of selfish Goddess.

Wasn't she? Wasn't she still doing it? Now out of the USAF and her former life…. Wasn't she still playing with Jordan's life? Sending him on a wild goose chase to see if she could help Teal'c and endangering him in the process? Then carving him a life he wouldn't have if it wasn't because he agreed to help her? With the kid's life? Sending him on a career path he might not even want? With all those scientists, she had extracted from WITSEC, and sent to one of the few compounds they had now running?

With Parker's life? Didn't her kid deserve something far better than she was getting? A life on the run, with name changes, and small-town schools?

And Jack…. Why had she allowed him to take her? Why had she abused his trust in her? Why had she pushed him to marry her, while knowing she was going to disappear? Why had she asked him to take her home? Why? When she had so little to offer him ….

She rubbed her face tiredly. She wasn't sure she still had any tears left in her. She had spent too many showers crying for what she'd lost. Then too many mornings convincing herself that what she was planning was the right thing to do. She'd spent so many nights breaking her head against the wall, trying to figure out the Trust. Only to come up empty-handed or with a completely different outcome that she was expecting.

But was she… even _right_?

Her own paws were now extending inside the FBI, CIA, Pentagon, NSA, several military academies, and bases, including Cheyenne. She had killed before, but now she thinks she's more dangerous. Her killing instincts always appeared on the run. Now, she's constantly on the run, even if she seemed steady.

Now, she's constantly in a vigilance stance, with her walls high up.

She had even gotten to the extent of installing cameras in Parker's classroom. So she could have constant views of her daughter.

She's all over the place, now. She's had some clues on what's going on. She might be able to be herself and free the people who are now working for her.

She shook her head, watching herself in her reflection in her window. This version of herself was so different from the easygoing and easy trusting Sam, she once was.

That thought brought up one painful doubt that remained burning in the back of her mind.

Five years, five months, fifteen days, and eighteen names later…. Was she still Samantha Carter? Or had she changed too much to be herself again?


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! My beta sent me an email telling me this: "Will you please post this, this weekend?" And who am I to deny such a request, right?

**Wednesday, January 31, 2007**

There are two main issues, Sam notices quickly. She still doesn't really trust the president and they're moving Jack to DC. Jack's a control point and she's sure they know it. She's sure they know, somehow, that she's aware of every movement happening in her old stomping grounds. That she saw how each member of the base she loved so much has been affected by the years that have passed.

She learned about Daniel's two attempts at ascending and his weird comebacks. How Janet had almost died on the field when her medical team was sent out to help. Surviving that had changed her, fueling her front-line desires. Causing her to ask and claim a spot as a stable member of SG-1. That would've been lovely, Sam thinks. If she was still there also, to travel around with her best friends. Knowing they had her back, and she had theirs. A pang of guilt always follows that, thinking about leaving Parker behind while she's out there most likely in danger.

She also knows about the two fresh additions to SG-1, Cameron Mitchell, and a Vala Mal Doran. Who Sam assumes is an alien because her data has appeared suddenly and out of the blue. Surprisingly, Sam's trusts in the alien a lot more than she has in the USAF officer. She knows Cameron.

Then, there's that little bit about some weird-looking people doing magical looking things. These people are called the Ori, she learned that thanks to SG-1 always enlightening reports. She snorts at that thought. Truth to be told, Sam knows exactly what Hammond knows from those reports and some calls she got to overhear. She also knows Hammond wants to retire for good. That his last medicals are not as she'd hoped they'd be.

Still, the issue remained.

Jack was being moved to DC, no matter how long he'd postponed it. He'd dragged his feet to find his replacement. She also knew that this replacement had always been at the top of his list. Jack, it seemed, had the same issues letting the SGC go, as she herself had. Since he'd managed to push his promotion and change of post out for an entire year before the definitive order came upon his desk.

This is causing a minor issue for Sam. She doesn't fully trust the new man at the helm of Cheyenne. However, he seems to have Jack's trust so by extension, she kinda trusts him a little bit. She guesses this is just another a wait-to-see game.

She hopes this wait goes by fast. If they can prove Hayes is clean, she might be able to speed up her reinstatement as Major Sam Carter.

She flinches. She isn't even sure she wants to be a Major, anymore. She considers what the past years have meant inside the base. She might have been promoted too, by then, if she was there when everything happened. But now… She has nothing to show of her skills, or to prove that she went beyond the duties of her former rank.

"Way to go, Sam… Overthink yourself into a depression…." She shakes her head.

She's started going out more. If only to pick up pre-ordered things from a store and pick Parker from school. She now has a personal trainer to help her keep her hard-learned skills on point. Knowing if they find out where she is, she'll require all the skills in her book. She hopes she won't need them at all. Needing them means Parker would be not only be moving once again but in the middle of a fight for their lives.

She sighs, Parker is five now. By the end of her school year, she'll be taking her twelfth name. Sam doesn't want to risk it. A year is as long as she feels comfortable in someone else's life. So, when the school year ends, she'll be slipping herself and Parker into yet another fake life. Copying "Zoe Kemp's" records onto whichever name Parker chooses this time around of the options she has for her.

Sam's hopes lay into believing that Parker thinks this is just a game. One they play as some strange family secret they keep from everyone else. She hopes Parker thinks like that until they can get their names back and be free. She knows chances are that it won't happen at all.

An alert brings her out of her musings. She checks the cause and since she doesn't like what she sees; she concentrates on it. At least, her mind will be busy enough not to dwell on her worry. Knowing that Jack will be walking into a den of wolves, all by himself, without her there to have his back.

**Monday, March 12, 2007**

Another year, another empty bed.

Jack watches as the night settles from his home in Virginia. They offered him a condo right in the middle of DC, and a couple of houses in Georgetown. Still, he searched for his own private space. A house that would be enough, if any of his siblings ever chose to show up.

One in a gated community. Where they must check with Jack if someone says they need to do anything to his house. He believes this will be handy. When he packed up his house in Colorado, he'd still found several bugs scattered through his walls.

He really doesn't get it. It's been six years since they forced Sam away. Four since he'd last seen or heard from her. Four years of constantly screening his home because if he didn't, he couldn't quite sleep well. Two and a half years since she had dropped from the face of Earth, losing whatever control the Government could have over her. Two years and a half years since they read that card she sent to Cassie. However, two and a half years, four years or six years later, didn't matter. The bugs remain along with his doubts.

What do they want? Why would they want Sam out of the way? Why would they forcer her out and place a resignation letter in her files? Why would she run away from WITSEC? Why did she stop contacting him? Jack sighed.

He walks around his room. Finding the now four years old computer containing their videos. He turns it on. "I need you, Sam." He says to the screen. Hoping that she'll somehow get his message. Even if he knows she won't.

He wonders again if she's forgotten him. If she'd managed to move on without him. Maybe even have a kid or two as she'd wanted. He shakes his head.

"Would I recover from losing her, if she shows up one day only to tell me she's moved on?" He mumbles. Then he shakes his head. "No, you aren't like that. Are you? The day you decide to move on, you'll let me know, right?"

He wonders and hopes until he can't take it anymore. Then he plays their videos. Closing his eyes, he hears her moan under his touch. He doesn't need to watch them anymore. He knows exactly what's going on for the noises they make, from the noises _she_ makes.

Jack knows she's close. Opening his eyes to watch her cross over by his hands. Sam quivers under his ministrations and moans a loud Jack. He can't stop the raspy, low 'Sam' that he let's go before falling back, spent, and feeling stupid.

"It's been six years, and she still can get you going…" he shakes his head and sighs. "Maybe Jacob was right. Maybe I should move on." He mumbles to himself. He walks to his bathroom to clean the mess he'd just make by only listening to her.

"New house, new city, new life, new rules…. New woman?" he asks to his reflection. He snorts, turning the water on. Get rids of his clothes, going under the strongest and hottest stream, he now owns.

On days like this, when he can't help but remember her. Wondering what could've been. Jack feels so utterly weak, pathetic, and worn out. However, whenever he also ponders if he should just throw in the towel, and do what everyone expects him to do…. Move on, get a wife, forget Sam… He only feels a void.

Maybe Samantha Carter wasn't meant to be a sun, but a black hole. Sucking his life away one unforgiving day at the time. Maybe there's another Jack O'Neill in an alternate universe somewhere that has the sunny Samantha Carter. The one that's by his side, all smiles and cheeky grins.

"Maybe in another life we're happy." He mumbles, before turning the lights off and padding to his bed. Not surprisingly, sleep doesn't come at all for him that night.

**Sunday, June 17, 2007**

Sam wasn't ready to face this day. Not since Parker turned three and her classmate asked her about her dad. Parker had asked all sorts of questions then. Sam had battled with what to tell her, then. Hoping she could understand.

In the end, she went for the truth _. 'You do have a daddy, P. He's alive, but he can't be with us. He loves you, P…. Way more than you can imagine.'_

P is five and a half now. She still doesn't quite understand why Father's Day brings such a sour mood to her mom. She stopped asking because she felt it hurt mommy. Still, she doesn't quite get it. She knows Johnny is like her. He doesn't have a daddy, but Johnny's daddy is in heaven. Gloria's daddy is also gone. She said, her mom said they were better off without the bastard.

Parker isn't sure what a bastard is, but she doesn't dare to ask or use that word. Not if it will make her mommy sad all over again. Still, her mommy cares and she knows it. After a huge breakfast with their special Father's Day chocolate cake. Her mom settles everything, so she can record her daddy a special message.

Sam has never dared to wonder what Parker said, or what she asked on those tapes. She simply sets them to save, and then she copies them over to a couple of thumb drives. With the copy and backups done, she delivers them to Parker for her safekeeping. She knows it's a way to teach P a bit about responsibility, trust, and privacy. It's also a good way to keep her heart from breaking over her child missing the dad she never got to meet.

If there's something fueling her epic quest to bring down the people who still keep her where she is. It's this day… this day sometime in the future. When Parker can deliver all those little snippets, she's made during the years to a father who doesn't even know she exists.

Sam pinches the bridge of her nose, as she waits for P to finish her video. Since the day she figured out she was pregnant, she wondered how she would tell Jack about her. What would he say, when he learned he had a daughter he never knew about... Sam hopes he'll understand the reason she hadn't brought it up when they met…

She knows even understanding is a bit of a stretch for a relationship that has been platonic for four years, real for a week, and not-existing for six years. Then, there's the little fact that she's changed so much that sometimes she doesn't even recognize herself.

She's about to drive herself to another round of self-wallowing and despair when the door of Parker's room opens. She walks out. They exchange a smile and Sam follows her. Inside, the laptop is waiting for her, beside it several thumb drives are already waiting to be used.

They silently wait until the copy is finished. Sam walks out of the room, taking the laptop with her. She knows Parker will be hiding the thumb drives so she can't find them. Sam knows exactly where they are, but she doesn't dare to touch them, anyway.

Parker walks out of her room then. Sam's heart breaks when she notices that the weight of the world seems to have lifted out of her five-year-old.

"Ice cream?" She asks and Parker grins. "Get some shoes and let's go."

**Wednesday, December 12, 2007**

It's been so long since the last time Sam had stepped inside one of these places. All those years and names ago, when life was about fighting a war that now has mostly ended. Following the love of her life through a wormhole. Saving thousands of innocent lives while having fun with her friends.

Only to find out they didn't need her after all, not in the way they thought at least. They had found ways and workarounds that went beyond whatever cool ideas she might have had. Blowing up a sun and by extension a whole solar system. Getting the ancients weapon to transmit the disruptive message to all the gates using the gate system. Traveling to another galaxy, to the city of Atlantis. The one she still wonders about, how it came to happen, is the temporary alliance with Ba'al to finish the Replicators.

She shook her head, her long natural blonde hair waving with the rhythm. The movement showed her more of the place she was in, and unconsciously, she grabbed Parker's hand a bit tighter. Her sweet child noticed it, only looking at her, and smiled reassuringly.

It was P's birthday. She was turning six. As her gift, she'd asked to be brought to the biggest bookstore in a big city. For Sam, it had been a long time since she'd visited a mall. After spending most of her time by herself in her home, she was still wary of open spaces.

But Parker wanted to pick her book herself. There was no way in hell to convince her otherwise. "Her father's stubbornness," Sam smiled, not quite reckoning hers was just about the same as Jack's.

Sam's shoulders were stiff and her jaw clenched as they walked into the store. Once inside, Sam felt a bit safer, although kept an eye on the cameras around the place. Calculating quickly a way that wouldn't pick her face up in the cameras, she searched for a clerk and asked him to check if they had an order for Mrs. Benson. Soon after, she walked Parker to the children's nook. For some reason, Sam felt comfortable enough to leave her there.

"P, I'll be over there but wait for me here. Okay?" Sam instructed.

"Yes, mommy," Parker nodded, but Sam knew she had already lost the girl's attention.

Shaking her head, amused and not quite losing sight of the area where Parker was nose deep in a book. Sam walked to the next section. Science was right next to the kid's area. She was leafing through a book when she heard someone drop whatever they had on their hands and gasp.

Frowning, Sam turned around to find herself as the protagonist of one of her nightmares coming true.

"For crying out loud! Samantha Carter! We all thought you were dead." Sam blanched and blinked, staring straight into Harper O'Neill's eyes.

"I believe you've mistaken me for someone else." Sam tried.

"The fuck I am! I'll recognize you even if you were bald and fat!"

Trying to keep her nervousness and worries in control, Sam looked to the side, hoping to find her daughter enthralled in a book. She held a sigh of relief when she did. She quickly thought about all she knew about the O'Neill family. Nothing in her memories pointed to an escape.

"Does he know you're alive?" Sam looked at her, hinting nothing. Harper gasped again. "He knows! That's why he never let you go. You have to go find him!"

"Mrs. Benson, your order is ready." The clerk said then. "You can come by the cashier's, whenever you're ready, ma'am."

"Mrs. Benson?" Harper frowned.

"Yes. Delilah Benson. I really think you're mistaking me for someone else, Miss."

Harper squinted at her. There was a great deal of coldness coming out of her in waves. That didn't quite match the memories Harper had from her sister-in-law. 'Maybe she's in one of those weird missions, like the ones Jack used to have,' Harper thought. She rubbed her face quickly.

"Look, if you can't tell me, I understand. He misses you terribly! He still loves you! He's still waiting for you." Harper said. Somehow, Sam didn't flinch, when all she wanted was to cringe at the knowledge that Jack hadn't let her go. "You're right, you aren't her," Harper continued, raising her hands in defeat. "Her eyes would've shown how much she feels the same. She couldn't cover that up, no matter how much she tried. I'm sorry I bothered you, Mrs. Benson."

"I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was," Sam said. Her voice somehow didn't break or betray her feelings.

Feeling utterly disappointed, Harper left the store. Sam searched for Parker.

"Mommy, who was that?" Parker asked. She had felt her mom's gaze on her and raised her eyes then.

"No one, P. Don't worry. Have you found what you wanted?"

"Yes!" She grinned.

"Then, let's go, P. There's a bunch of stuff we need to pack."

"Today? We are moving again?" All the happiness of having found the book, now replaced by utter sadness.

"Yes, P… I'm sorry."

"But mommy, we just arrived." Parker frowned. Sam kneeled to be at the same level as her daughter.

"I know, P. Don't be sad. We still can go to the movies, and have lunch for your birthday," Sam offered. Thankfully, Parker grinned. Despite feeling the bomb was diffused, Sam wondered if this could cause troubles ahead.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my beta.. bless Loverustal has been speed fixing my issues again :D So, here you go... I'll recommend keeping some kleenex at hand.

**Wednesday, March 12, 2008**

Sam's home alone. After dropping off Parker at school, she'd waited for her personal trainer to arrive. For an hour, she had exhausted Sam's body. Then, for the next one, Sam had kicked the hell out of her. Afterward, they'd had a cup of tea to recover and the woman took her leave.

Unable to stop her mind or her feelings, Sam had ended up inside the room they'd deemed the gym. She'd started hitting the punching back. Now, her knuckles are purple with bruises for striking it more times than she should, reveling in the pain to stop her mind from working. She's sweaty, pained, and utterly depressed.

She clenches her jaw tightly once more, punching the bag a couple more times before growling in pain. She lets herself drop to the floor and hides her face in her hands. Knowing precisely where this is coming from, she's aware it's not only because of the date.

Harper's encounter had left Sam more shocked than she would've ever cared to admit to anyone. Her words creating a constant ripple of self-doubt. Something that Sam was already fighting with before that moment. Self-doubt was a constant companion thanks to all the things she was doing and all the people she was using if only to get herself and Parker back to Jack.

_"He misses you terribly. He still loves you. He's still waiting for you. You aren't her. Her eyes would've shown how much she feels the same. She couldn't cover that up, no matter how much she tried."_

That phrase looped in her mind, day in and day out. Every time she was feeling content with herself or found something that would move her forward, Harper's words would hit her. She growled again and stood up. It didn't help that it was their seventh anniversary and like all the previous ones… She wasn't there.

Walking towards her room for a much-needed shower, she wondered if perhaps everything would've been better had she decided to run away, instead of walking into that safe house all those years ago. "Would it have made any difference?" She asked out loud to her empty house.

"Of course it would! You would've dragged Jack around and things would've been far more complex than they are." She mumbled as she stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "But Parker would've had a dad."

She shakes her head as she undresses. Parker would've had a dad, but Jack's family would've lost him. What would've Harper said if that encounter happened in a world where she'd convinced Jack to escape their fate together? Would she even know who Harper was? Would she ever have the chance of being Jack's legally wedded wife, if they hadn't gone to visit his cabin?

"Too many goddamned what-ifs, Carter! You can't live like this." She mumbles but opens the water, scalding hot and painfully strong. She needs the feeling of her skin burning. She needs the pain to ease the ache of her heart. Sam struggles with knowing that scorching water, and over-exercise might not be self-harm… But she also knows lines can blur too damn easily sometimes.

She gets out of the shower, with her skin turned into a fiery red. She doesn't look at herself in the mirror. She knows she has puffy eyes. She knows her reflection would only show how broken she is. Her mirror is the only one that shows her that. Every other reflection only shows her how cold she's become.

Dressing quickly, she moves towards her office to fulfill the only constant need on every March 12th, for the past few years. However, her feet drag her into Parker's room. Almost against her own free will, she searches for the box, the one where her daughter keeps the drives for her dad.

Once she finds it, Sam takes it with her to her office. Her heart now feels like a block of ice. Even as it's thumping loudly in her ears. She desperately needs to know what Parker says in her private videos. She wants to see if her daughter hates her as much as she loathes herself. Does she hate her for this fatherless life filled with endless moves and name changes she has given her?

With trembling hands, Sam grabs the first little device. She tries to plug it into her computer, but it doesn't want to fit. Her heartbeat now is wild, and she can feel the heat all the way to the tip of her ears as she brings the object in for closer inspection.

"Quantum theories would be so easy to explain using a USB entry and the how they are and aren't right to be plugged at the same time," she mumbles. She notices she had the darker squares on top as it should, but the device wouldn't fit, anyway. "It never works at the first try."

Clenching her jaw, annoyed with herself. She glares at the plug she needs and moves her hand for the second attempt. One she just knows will become a third, thanks to this little contraption from hell with plugging sides that seem to change out of the blue.

"What are you doing, Sam?" she asks herself. As she still her hands just a millimeter away from connecting the device. She throws the little purple thing into the box, where it clashes with the other ones. "Fuck!" She mutters. Realizing she was about to invade her daughter's privacy in the worst possible way. In the same way, the government had intruded into hers, without her knowing that it happened.

Holy Hannah, does Sam know what it feels like to learn that the one you never expected to betray you, had done it in ways you never thought they would.

Sighing, she shakes her head and goes to place the box back in its hiding place. Hopefully, Parker won't notice she took it. However, feeling guilty, she cleans P's room, moving things out of place on purpose. She cackles. How far gone someone has to be, to purposely move things out of place, so her kid won't know she was a second away from breaking her trust?

"Maybe I'm finally losing it," Sam mumbles, getting back to her bathroom. "Maybe name twenty is the final straw. Or perhaps, I'll finally lose it in June when we get to name twenty-one…."

She checks herself in the mirror to fix the mess she did of her hair between cleaning and nervously threading her hand through it. Once she decides she looks okay, she returns to her office.

Her camera is waiting for her on a stand. There's also a white banner that will work to leave the background as nondescript. She presses record before she moves to sit on the other side of the camera.

She bits her lower lip and raises her eyes. "Happy anniversary, my love. I know this might be stupid by now. I know I asked you to move on after year one. I still can't, Jack. Somehow these few moments when I sit in front of you, keep some of the pieces of myself still holding together."

"I'm not sure who I am anymore, Jack. I'm not sure you'll know me after all this. I'm not sure I'm worthy of your love anymore…. Maybe Harper was right, maybe I'm not her anymore. Maybe if all of this comes to pass, we'll find that Sam Carter died all those years ago and that all that's left is only a carcass that looks like her." A tear rolls down her cheek and there's nothing she can do about it.

"I love you, Jack. That's the only constant that remains from my previous life. The only lifeline I have. I love you, and every day that goes by, I think about you. Every night, I miss your warmth. Every morning, I miss your hand placing a strand of hair behind my ear."

"God, I would give almost anything to just be there in front of you. Watching you watching me take a sip of a long-forgotten coffee and grimace. Only for you to give me yours. I used to pretend that sipping from the same mug you were previously sipping from, was almost like kissing you." She chuckled. Her eyes filled with unshed tears again. "I know. How silly, right?"

"I'll do it all over again and keep doing it for forever, if that'd mean I'd be there with you, by my side. How right you were when you'd said you'd exchange that night for more days… I always knew you were the smarter of the two of us… You always knew how to love, and I… I was always so afraid of it."

"You taught me that, Jack. You taught me how to love freely. How to love _you_ freely under thousands of limitations. You taught me how every Carter had its own flavor. Sometimes it felt like the sweetest of the love declarations. I tried to make every sir count, too. I wonder if I managed it. I wonder if you have at least some memories of what it was like to be us."

She gulped, cleared her eyes, and fell silent for a second. "I read the other day a piece by Neruda. Yes, I've bought a poetry book, it reminded me of you." She grins. "I'm sure you'll know it. It said... I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving, but this, in where there's no I or you. So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep, it's your eyes that close.*" The tip of her lips curved slightly upwards.

"I found no one before, who knew so well how to describe what I feel. Even after all this time, Jack, I feel your arms around my shoulders when I go to sleep. I feel the warmth of your body spreading on my back and the ghostly kiss you placed on my neck," she suckled her lip. "Why is it that something so nice has to be so difficult? Why loving you have to be so impossible?"

She cleans the tears that fall with the back of her hand. Her alarm goes off then and she takes a deep breath. "Happy anniversary, Jack. I just wonder how many more until the feelings created by my imagination and memories become the real deal again. I love you. I'll always will."

She stood up, stopped the video, and took out the memory card. She quickly scribbled the date and added it to the collection she had. Then she went to wash her face and change into something more fitting to pick Parker up from school.

By the time she was ready to leave, it was late, and she'd even forgotten to eat. Shaking her head, she grabbed the car keys, wallet, and drove to her kid's school. Her phone went off as she was parking.

"Yes?"

_"He's clean."_

"He is?" Sam asked, surprised by this.

_"Yup,"_ Jordan answered. _"The last piece has finally dropped, and he is clean."_

"Are you sure?"

_"Grand Empress… He forced his vice president to resign. I told you he was clean back then…"_

"If it only wasn't so late…" Sam mumbled.

_"Late?"_

"It's an election year, Jnerd. He can't possibly do what I need him to do in such a short time. I can't risk him moving pieces only for them to fall in the wrong hands if the other candidate wins."

_"Right."_ Jordan sighed. _"So, we wait?"_

"It seems we're getting awfully good at that." Sam shook her head.

_"Are those kids what I hear in the background? Where are you?"_

"Send me the evidence, I'll check it out when I can. I need to go."

_"Grand Em…"_ Sam ended the call as Parker walked towards her. Her head dipped low. Sam frowned in concern. She had never seen Parker like that before.

"Hey P," Sam smiled.

"Mom."

"What's wrong?"

"Can we just go now?" Parker asked. Sam offered her a hand and P took it. Together they walked to the car in silence.

"I was thinking, we could go to that little Chinese place you like?"

"Okay…" Parker mumbled. The way she said it almost broke Sam's heart.

"P, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"Can we go to eat?"

Holding a sigh, Sam drove to the place just outside Pittsburg, which they both liked. As usual, she asked for a private room and they quickly gave her one. It was hardly their first visit, and they knew she would pay with no complaint on the price. They brought dinner to them, and Parker didn't raise her head, hardly at all.

Almost two hours later, they were home. Sam dropped her keys and wallet by the entrance. Parker walked into her room to drop her bag and get rid of her uniform. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Sam decided that whatever was bothering Parker, it couldn't wait until the next day. No matter how hard today had been for herself.

"May I come in?" Sam asked, after knocking on the opened door.

"You're already here…." Parker pointed out.

"P… Parker. What's going on?" Parker sighed and turned around to assess her mom. Sam sat on her bed and opened her arms. With little thought, Parker crawled onto her lap and allowed her mom to hold her tight.

"Mommy?" She mumbled with a distressed tone.

"Yes, sweet P?" Sam asked in a whisper.

"Are we bad guys?" Parker asked, unaware of how it only added to her mom's state of mind.

"What do you mean?" Sam's voice cracked.

"You know…" P shrugged. "Bad guys…."

"Why would we be bad guys, Parker?" Sam inquired, moving her away to look at her in the eyes.

"Coz… Movies…"

"Movies?"

"Yeah," Parker grimaced. "And Christian, I said we'd move to another town for my next school year. He said bad guys are always hiding and running away. So, we must be bad guys."

"Oh, honey, no. We aren't the bad guys."

"Then why are we always running away? Why can't you call me Parker outside of our home?" Parker chewed her lower lip, confused. Hopefully waiting for some sort of explanation to what seemed to be the unexpected truth of her life.

"You know how in the movies sometimes bad people want to hurt good people?" Parker nodded. "Well, for a long time we've had bad people searching for us. I can't let them find us P, not yet."

"So, the bad guys will enchant us, if they find us?" Sam smiles, caressing her cheek softly. Wishing it was as simple as an enchantment.

"Not exactly, P. Don't worry about that. That's my job."

"Okay. Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I don't want to be alone if the bad guys come searching for us."

"Yes, P, I don't want to be alone either," Sam said caressing her cheek once more. "P… You gotta know that there are really good people waiting for us, too."

"Like my daddy?" Parker asked with hopeful eyes. Sam gulped but didn't answer. Parker didn't really expect an answer from her, either. Not on that subject, at least.

"Get your homework done, P. We can check it, and later we can go to bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * That piece it's part of Pablo Neruda's Poem XVII. Rumour (and press) has it that he wasn't a great human being, but he was a great poet


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about quick fix! Enjoy!

**Thursday, March 13, 2008**

Sam snuggled close to Parker and breathed her in. It was on days like these when she felt the need to be Samantha Carter, more than ever. Parker deserved a life far more stable than the one she was giving her. Jack also deserved to be there with them. Reassuring them both whenever they needed it.

Clenching her jaw. Sam vowed she wouldn't take that long to return to the life she used to know. Come hell or high water. Parker stretched beside her, and Sam caressed her tenderly.

"Mommy?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Morning, sweet P."

"I love you, mommy," Parker said, snuggling up closer to Sam.

"I love you more, Parker."

"Good," the girl grinned lazily. "Mommy, are we going to move again?"

"Once you finish your school year… Yes, P… I-I'm sorry."

"Because of the bad guys?" P pouted.

"Yes." Sam nodded and watched her daughter frown.

"Can I pick my name again?" She asked.

"Of course."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yep. It's for our safety, mommy. We need to run away as Snow White ran away from her Evil Queen, in the books, right?"

"Right." Sam kissed her daughter's forehead. She snuggles close to Parker, not quite believing her six-year-old was so accepting of the situation they had to live with. Then again, besides having met people who had 'normal lives', this on-the-run-name-changing thing, it's the only life Parker knows how to live. "Whatcha say 'bout some pancakes for breakfast?"

"But mommy… It's school day…"

"I know. It'll be our secret. Go shower, I'll make them." She says. She stands up, not really wanting to start the day, she looks over her shoulder as Parker drags herself out. Sam gets a quick shower and heads to the kitchen to make them some breakfast.

"Giselle," Parker says as she sits in front of Sam.

"What?"

"Can I be called Giselle?"

"Like the Princess of that movie you liked so much?"

"Aha. She was sent away from home, mommy. Like us."

"Well. I like it. I'll try to make it happen. How does that sound?"

"Okay." Parker nodded once. Sam kept her eyes trained on her daughter for a while.

"P… You know you can't tell anyone about this, right?"

"Yeah, mommy. I know! This and pancakes are our secret!"

It's almost eleven am, by the time Sam's finally alone and ready to work. She starts her computer and connects to the setup she's now almost perfected. As she expected, there are several messages from Jordan waiting for her. She had said nothing to him since she hung on the phone the previous day.

**Jnerd:** _Please tell me you're okay._

It's the last entry that was written, just a couple of hours earlier. Showing her he didn't go to sleep hoping to catch her in her weird hours.

**GrandEmpress:** _Sorry. I was a bit busy. Everything is alright here._

She writes to him. It's a twisted, heartwarming thing, to know that he does worry about her.

**Jnerd:** _God! You had me worried for a bit. It's been ages since you disappeared on me like that!_

**GrandEmpress:** _I know. Sorry. Nothing for you to worry. I'll start checking the data you've sent now._

**Jnerd:** _Are you really okay, Grand Empress?_

Sam looked at the question and blinked. 'No' her mind provided, but she shook her head. Her conflicted mental status wasn't something the poor guy needed to worry about. Not when he has to worry about dozens of other things she had laid on his shoulders.

**GrandEmpress:** _Yeah. I just needed some time out._

**Jnerd:** _You need a vacation, not just "some time out"._

**Jnerd:** _Have you ever considered my proposal?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Which one of them?_

**Jnerd:** _The one where you find someone to talk? I mean it, you should find someone. If not me…_

**Jnerd:** _I'm sure you can find a great psych. You know, someone bounded by doctor/patient confidentiality..._

**Jnerd:** _Or a priest? With the confession thing? I'm not sure you know a priest, though._

**Jnerd:** _Dear God! Maybe you're a witch or something and you go to a pagan God… Gods? I don't know… Just…_

He was typing fast, but it wasn't his typing that stopped her from answering. It was the overwhelming feeling that he cared about her wellbeing. That he wasn't thinking she was some Dark Lord tinkering with his life. He was just worried about her. She gulped, she hadn't known what real care was until SG-1… Until Jack.

**Jnerd:** _I'm worried about you keeping whatever you're keeping in. I know it's not only about corruption. That there's so much more than you aren't telling me…_

_**Jnerd:** Grand Empress… It can't be healthy not to have anyone to speak to and being so secluded…_

**GrandEmpress:** _If I tell you I know a priest, will you relax a little?_

**Jnerd:** _No. I actually would worry. But, hey… You do know lots of people…._

**Jnerd:** _Talk to him?_

**GrandEmpress:** _I'll think about it. Now, off you go…_

**GrandEmpress:** _I need to read._

**Jnerd:** _As if me being here, would mean something more than background noise for your reading._

Sam chuckles at this and shakes her head, he's right. Once she's focused, she doesn't notice him too much.

**GrandEmpress:** _Sometimes you're spot on. If I don't answer…"_

**Jnerd:** _I know you got too enthralled._

**Jnerd:** _Cheers!_

For the next three hours, Sam goes through documents, figures, videos, and images provided by Jordan. She only stops to make herself a sandwich before she gets back at it.

"He is clean," Sam mumbles in awe. "Fucking Henry Hayes is clean…" she rubs her face tiredly.

It only confirms what Jordan had said a year earlier, but now the last piece finally dropped. The man had forced Kinsey to resign, yes. Back then, he'd gotten someone even worse, sitting in his VP chair. Everything pointed to him having had no choice because he had things hanging over his head that forced him to accept it.

Now, everything is clear. He'd had no choice then, but it hadn't had anything to do with his morals or ethics. He owed nothing to his party. It seemed he didn't want to be President again if it meant that his name would be dragged around with dirty money. They had made an offer that was too good to refuse, yet Hayes had politely declined it.

However, this confirmation is years too late. His term is ending in a few months and who knows if he'll get reelected.

She wonders what that man would say. If he learns that there are several dozen people scattered through the country, all of them and their families killed off in the news but still alive. Hiding in plain sight. Hating the government for what it had done to them. Enraged that someone could push them into this new reality of lost families and friends, of knowing that people they loved thought they were gone.

She leans back in her chair. Since she figured out that she wasn't the only one they had screwed over. Sam had taken upon herself to retrieve people out of the WITSEC fiasco and into hiding. Several compounds around the country were settled so they can have a decent life with only one new name.

Before they reached safety, she had to make sure they didn't fall in the wrong hands. Knowing how the WITSEC worked, Sam had kept an alert on their system. So she would whenever someone was placed inside the awful system, and when they were 'deployed' to new lives. Along with it, she built an additional alert for every time someone was getting too close to the three months limit.

Sam knew that if they lost their safety detail, they'd be as good as gone. So, she'd hired people that would just go ahead and bump into them, calling them by their real names. Forcing their hands to call their handlers. Until she could make them disappear and join her.

Convincing them was easy. They were already angry that they had to leave the life they had for one that looked awfully uncomfortable. She only needed explanations for the first two, and then those two took over the explanations. Now, most people didn't even know she was part of their crew, they didn't know she was one of them. While moving threads behind the scenes and scheming for a way to get back.

Those same people were the principal reason she could get her hands into several places that before had been locked to her. They were all pissed about the situation, and Sam found out it's amazing what angry people can accomplish if they set their minds for revenge. Almost as amazing as giving a purpose to a bunch of nerds with various ranges of age.

Without the two groups, Sam wouldn't have accomplished as much as she had… Still, even with all their help, it's too late.

"Do you even know we exist? Do you even know that I've been following and liberating those people? Eliminating the Trust chances of getting to them?" She asked, looking at a picture of Hayes sitting at the oval office. One that was part of the files Jordan had forwarded to her.

"It might be too late now… But if you win, Henry Hayes… You'll help me, whether you want to or not." She looks at the chat and smiles.

**GrandEmpress:** _You were right, but we're too late._

**Jnerd:** _It's a 50/50 chance._

**GrandEmpress:** _I know._

**Jnerd:** _Soooooo… What do you want me to do?_

**GrandEmpress:** _You? Nothing._

**GrandEmpress:** _I? I'll prepare for both possible outcomes, as I've done before._

**Saturday, June 7, 2008**

Jack frowns when the doorbell goes off wildly. "I'm coming! Stop pressing the damned thing!" He knows it must be one of his neighbors. Most likely wanting him to join some sort of ridiculous activity. Something he never does. "What?!" He says as he opens the door brusquely, only to find Harper standing there.

"Harper?" Jack frowns in confusion. He had given pictures of his family to the security guards at the entrance. For the off chance that they came to visit him. They rarely did. It was always him going back and forth between whenever he was currently living and his hometown. He was the one who decided to leave them all behind, they all told him, whenever he said they could visit him too.

"I… Hi… J…" She grimaced. Drawing him back from his thoughts.

"Come in, Harper. I always thought I'd see hell freeze over before anyone came to visit me here." He said. Moving away from the door, he gave her space to enter. She did and then stood awkwardly by his door. "Harper? What is it? You're kinda scaring the shit out of me here…"

"Jack…" He clenched his jaw. She rarely called him Jack.

"Mom? Dad? Shannon?" Harper shook her head.

"Everyone's alright… Don't worry about 'em." Jack frowned. "I really don't know how to tell you this, J. It's why I've been avoiding you for so long."

Jack frowned again. She was right. She had barely been around whenever he was there visiting. During Christmas, she had been always finding things to do to keep herself busy and out of his way.

"Harper. I'm exhausted. I was about to have some dinner. Then get ready to toss and turn until I managed to fall asleep. So come on and follow me. I'll make us some dinner. Want some wine? Whiskey? Dunno… Something to relax?"

"Whiskey would be nice."

"Coming right up. Just sit at the island and I'll be there soon." Jack walked over to his alcohol cabinet and poured two glasses of the amber liquid for them. He lowered one in front of his sister and then he sat one there for himself. "I'm all right if that's what's been bothering you."

"Are you... Really?" Harper asked with a knowing look.

"No." His lips curved slightly upwards. "I'll never be really all right, Harper. I'm too damaged for it. But I can live with it. Or at least, I can try."

"Is she alive?" She blurted out suddenly. After downing her whiskey in one swift motion, grimacing at the bitter taste that burned the back of her throat.

"Whoa there. That's a good whiskey," Jack said before frowning. "Who?"

"Sam." Jack clenched his jaw.

"Why would you ask me that?" Harper shrugged dismissively. "Harper talk to me. Whatever's bothering you, we can solve it together." She rubbed her face tiredly.

"Remember back in December when I went to Atlanta to visit a friend?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, I went Christmas shopping while I was there. I-I saw someone," she sighed. "I thought it was just my imagination being wild. I-I went to the mall, and I was coming out of one store when I saw her, this woman… She was standing in the middle of the walkway as if she was afraid or stunned being there. Even though I couldn't see her features, I couldn't take my eyes away from her, J. I thought she had…"

She shook her head. She'd seen the small blonde child beside the woman. But what good would it do to tell him that? If when she'd faced her, she hadn't seen the child lurking around. She didn't know if that woman was really Sam, or who the child could be to her. Besides that, Jack had also admitted to not being fully okay.

"You thought she had…" Jack prodded.

Harper raised her eyes and found his. Sorrowful, pained, brown eyes that she knew so damn well. If she could spare her old brother a little suffering, then she should. So, she decided that adding the mention of a child that could be anyone's really, made little sense now. She ignored his prodding and continued where she had stopped.

"I was walking towards her, not really paying attention to my surroundings when I bumped into someone else. I stopped to apologize because it was my fault. I truly wasn't paying attention to the walkway, see? When I turned again towards the woman…. In a blink of an eye kinda… She wasn't there anymore. I continued with my shopping. Blaming it on having been thinking about you and the family…. I forgot all about her. I found a bookstore, went into it. You know, to check and see if they had one of the books Lilly wanted for Christmas..." she took a deep breath, then. "J, I saw her again there."

"You saw her…. Who?"

"Sam. Jack, I saw Sam," Harper said, frowning. Because even after thinking about that encounter for so long, it didn't make sense to her.

"I see," Jack said. His face was devoid of any emotion. "What did you do?"

"I said hello, but she said I was mistaken. They called her Mrs. Bronson or something like that. I told her I knew she was Sam. I asked her if you knew that she was alive. If she knew how much you miss her… Jack, I'm so stupid." She said as a few tears fell from her eyes. Jack sighed.

"You aren't stupid, Harper."

"So, she's alive?" She asked, eyes filled with hope.

"I don't know." Jack huffed.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly that. I don't know if she's alive or not."

"But you buried her."

"We buried an empty casket, Harper. They said to her brother. They weren't able to find any remains. That she burned up with her plane."

"So, she's… Gone?"

"It seems so."

"Oh, fuck! Then I harassed an innocent woman." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "J, she looked exactly like Sam, but with longer hair."

"Well, they say we all have a double somewhere in the world." Jack shrugged.

"No, you don't understand. It was like looking at her. Her hair was longer, her eyes didn't shine, and she kept her jaw clenched during the entire exchange. But, I swear to you, it was her."

"That's why you've been avoiding me? Because you confused someone with my wife's ghost?" Jack tried to joke, but he knew it didn't come out like that.

"I guess that's what I did. Can you forgive me?"

"Yeah sure, you betcha! There's nothing to forgive, though." Jack grinned. "Come, let's make some dinner, and then you can help me get the guest room ready for you."

"You aren't mad?"

"Why would I be? I'm not the poor woman you harassed." He joked. Then he changed subjects to how she'd sorted her responsibilities in order to be there.

Two hours later, Jack was alone in his room. His house was silent. He took out a cellphone. Pressing some digits, he connected the call and waited.

"Davis," came a raspy voice.

"She was spotted in Atlanta."

"She was? When?"

"December." Jack left out and heard a hiss.

"That's too long. We don't even know if she's still there or if she was just passing through, sir."

"I know." Jack repressed the sigh that was about to leave him. That Harper had confronted her most likely had sent her fleeting away too. "It still means she was alive, at least until then."

"Sir… I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, but have you considered that searching for her could only make it worse for her? I don't know, forcing the Trust's hand or something?"

"Every single day, Davis. Every single day…."


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I had two deadlines today and I'm feeling kinda like an overachiever... So, here you go, one more :D

**Tuesday, November 4, 2008**

Since early that morning, Sam had been enthralled on her computer. Parker was working at a small desk beside her. Since August, Parker had declared she wanted to work. She remained as close to her mother as she could. On any other Tuesday, she'd be working alone at that time of the day, but it's not any Tuesday. It's election day. Sam couldn't go out and vote herself, so she had to wait for the results.

A couple of days earlier she'd remembered Jack's words, _"Maybourne said you might need to break every rule in the book to get back, Sam."_ She wondered then, if helping her candidate win the election because she could, would be blowing it out of proportions.

Still, she had hacked into the "electoral college", aka everywhere they would end up counting votes. To monitor the popular votes. She knows she could get away with tilting the balance in favor of Hayes, but everything in her says she shouldn't. "How much different will you be from them if you do that?" She mumbled.

Parker raised her head and smiled. "Mommy? Can you help me with this?" she asked. Standing up, bringing her homework with her. Keeping an eye on the computer and one on Parker's notebook, Sam explains the issue in no time. Her daughter beams at her, and she feels something akin to pride blossom in her. "You are so cool, mommy! Rylie says his mom can't help him with school stuff."

"You can help him if he needs help, P."

"I do." Parker beamed.

"Great! Knowledge should be shared, P." She then notices something that catches her eye happening on one of the several windows open across her four screens. "P, give me a moment, please." Sam squints at the screen.

"You are going to be okay?"

"Yes, P. You can stay, I just need to work for a bit."

"Oh, okay." Parker nodded.

Sam waited until Parker was back in her seat before expanding the screen she needs on the main screen. She doesn't notice the awed way Parker looks at her, as she types fast and not paying attention to the keys. Eyes fixated on the screen. Her fingers fly through the keyboard as she fights the visitor that had joined her on the several servers of the electoral college.

No one would ever know that during the 2008 elections, there was an attempted hacking of the votes in favor of the other candidate. No one would ever know that a hacker was already inside the systems, trying to decide if she wanted to help out or not.

At the end of the day, Sam doesn't need to tilt any balance. Hayes has won the popular vote by his own means. Sam has evidence of the other hacker activities and where he had come from too. It's not surprising when she pins him down to one of the main servers of the Pentagon.

"No wonder he accessed it so easily." She shakes her head as she grabs every piece of evidence she can. Somehow, she'd stopped the hacker, while still making lunch, dinner. She'd even had time to kiss Parker goodnight.

She has the evidence, while he doesn't. Sam knows he'd tried to pinpoint her and her location. But he'd been too far away from the thousands of addresses she usually used to protect herself, her identity, and most importantly, her actual location.

If the other hacker talks. She knows everyone in the hacking community will know who she was. She can imagine all the talk on the dark web about how the 'Grand Empress of Hacking strikes again.' But usually, discovered hackers that were doing or trying to do some dirty stuff wouldn't even discuss being caught in there. She can't blame them, it's never easy to take a loss. She only hopes that whoever had paid Aidan Noble to fix the votes, doesn't take him out before he can run away.

The chat blinks on one corner of the screens hours later.

**Jnerd:** _"So… We won."_

Jordan writes, and Sam shakes her head.

**GrandEmpress:** _Not until the electors cast the pledged votes, Jnerd._

**Jnerd:** _That's only a formality…_

**GrandEmpress:** _Is it? It's people who need to cast the vote they pledged. There's no real law saying that's what they have to do. As things are, I wouldn't be surprised if someone tries to buy them over._

**Jnerd:** _You mean?_

**GrandEmpress:** _We'll need to keep an eye on 538 people until they cast their votes according to their own states' laws._

**Jnerd:** _God._

**GrandEmpress:** _It's that a sigh, that I am imagining after that? :D_

**Jnerd:** _Absolutely! So… What will you need?_

**GrandEmpress:** _People. Lots of people._

**Jnerd:** _Thank goodness I'm good at providing you with those. 😉_

**GrandEmpress:** _You're a funny guy, Jnerd._

**Wednesday, November 5, 2008**

"Morning, Mr. President," Jack says, entering the oval office. For the first time in weeks, he'd finally managed to fall asleep at a decent hour. After learning he wouldn't need to brief another President on why there's a need for a Home World Security office. Or what the Stargate command was. Moreover, he wouldn't have to figure out if he trusted the new guy enough to tell him about Sam's issue.

"General O'Neill. To what do I owe the honor?" Hayes greets him.

"I thought I could come by and congratulate you, sir."

"You cade all the way here just for that?"

"Yes, sir." Jack nodded.

"What else?" Hayes asks. Nodding the secretary away and moving to the seating area inside the office.

"I just wanted to make sure we're still on the same page about… You know? _My_ issue?"

"Yes. Of course, Jack. I still can't believe the JCS decided to do something like that, only to lose her."

"Yeah." It's all Jack says.

"What worries you about this?" Hayes asks, tilting his head slightly.

"Besides the fact that someone convinced the JCS that blackmailing me into getting her to a safe house was a good idea?" Jack points out.

"Yes?"

"I worry about who was it, sir, about how spread they are. I also worry about how we're unable to find them and bring them down." Jack confesses.

"That's a lot of worries, Jack." Hayes smiles and pats Jack's shoulder.

"Yeah, it's fun to be me," Jack dismisses. "Now, sir… I also need your decision over the issue with the Kalpians…."

"Oh, yes. The Kalpians, remind me again, what was that?" Hayes grinned. Jack shook his head. Gave him two folders and started telling him about the last issue that came from his office.

**Monday, December 15, 2008**

Sam can finally breathe, once the last vote is read. She can't believe Hayes has won, and there's nothing they can do anymore to change it.

"Well, except killing the man." She shakes her head. That would've been easier if she wasn't speaking of the current President, but she is. The man is almost as guarded as she is, and she knows it.

That's why she's already trying to figure out how she could reach him. Then have him reach back if he believes in her.

"Talk about a fucking big if…" Sam sighs. "But you have enough evidence to show him." She grins.

**Wednesday, December 24, 2008**

"Jack, you came!" His mom tells him as soon as he steps inside her house.

"Hey, Mom. Well, Libby said that I'd better bring my sorry ass here for the first Christmas when she can finally drink." Jack quipped and his mom chuckled. "I can't believe she's not pregnant!"

"You and I both. How are you, Jack?" She says, with her loving eyes trained on him. He sighs.

"Can we… you know?" He nods towards the side.

"Of course!" She links her arm with his, and they walk into the office. "Now, as you would say, shoot." He can't help the half-smile.

"I'm… okay…"

"You can't fool me, Jack O'Neill. I raised you, my darling boy. I've seen you through a lot." He rubs his face tiredly.

"I'm living, mom. That's about all I can do."

"You miss her." His mom states and there's no need for her to clarify who _her_ is.

"With every single breath, I take," Jack says. The curve of his lips twitches upwards, remembering her. His eyes still shine, just like the first time she saw him mentioned his then 2IC, whatever that means. "I'm pathetic."

"You're not, Jack! You're in love. Sadly, you got dealt some pretty shitty cards. I hope you'll be able to find someone who could give you half of what she gave you, just by entering a room." She says knowingly. "Sadly, you love her, just like I love your dad, Jack. Wholly. You love her so much that you can't be complete because you feel she completes you. You miss her as if a piece of your soul is missing."

"Yeah… and asking for a third chance seems like a bit too much." He huffed.

"Let me tell you something that might be shocking for you. You're not missing parts of yourself, son. You never did. You're whole, broken, damaged, alone, but not incomplete. Everything you need is here," she said, placing her hand over his heart. "And here," she added, touching his temple. "It fades. It's not the same as the real thing, but she's there. She will be there with you, always."

Jack crumbles under the use of 'their word'. He doubles his frame to rest his face in the crook of his mother's neck. He feels like a child who needs reassurance from the only figure that has never abandoned him. She rubs his back and lets him find whatever he needs from her. She knows there's no other way. She knows her son suffers for something she can't grasp. She hasn't lost his father, but Shannon O'Neill can't imagine what it would feel like to lose him. She can't being to imagine how it feels to lose a child. She can't even fathom how it must feel to lose your other half, your soulmate.

The voices outside are loud, they've been calling for her. Searching for the missing part of their family. They stop searching when they realize what must be going on. The house falls silent, then.

They're late to mass, but no one cares. Connor has already started and looks relieved when he finally spots his family entering the service. He notices the way his mom's sitting just a tad too close to Jack and understands. His brother is breaking at the seams. There's nothing that anyone can do for him except be there if he calls for their help. He never has, and most likely, Jack never will. Connor knows better than to hope for that. He says an extra prayer just for his big brother… And one for her. If she's alive… Connor knows she could use it, too.

**Thursday, December 25, 2008**

Sam hasn't been this excited for Christmas since, well… forever. But Parker's spirit is contagious. She wants to open her presents now, at barely 5:30 in the morning.

Shaking her still half-asleep self, she instructs the girl to shower first, then one gift before breakfast. "And all of them afterward!" Parker finishes the same instructions she's been given every year.

Usually, they aren't too much into the festivities. Sam would get a small plastic tree from somewhere, and they would hang some ornaments on it. She would buy a few gifts for Parker, including something useful, some clothes, a learning toy, and something Parker had really wanted during the year.

This year it's different. After her birthday thirteen days earlier, Parker had convinced Sam to put up some lights outside. They even got a real tree with a star on top.

Parker is seven now and has all the energy of a kid. What Sam doesn't know is that the day they went to get their tree, Parker had left a letter for Santa, and the idea of getting what she asked is fueling Parker's day.

They spend a lovely day; they go ice skating. After so many years, Sam feels somewhat free and at ease. She thinks it has to do with the season. How everyone seems to be immersed in their own little world. Too caught up in the holidays to notice a mom goofing around with her kid.

Parker goes to bed without complaints that night. Feeling beat after the emotions and the activities of the day. There's a pang of something in her eyes that Sam can't quite figure out.

"It's still Christmas, right, mommy?" Parker asks as she fights with her lids to remain open.

"Yeah, P… There's still a few hours left of Christmas." Sam answers, wondering what it has to do with anything.

It's one of the few days when Sam allows her to sleep in her bed. They're cuddling up together, flannel pajamas on, and all cozy. P is half on top of Sam. She can't help to remember that's exactly how she used to sleep. All over Jack during their few days together, until they'd ended up spooning.

She knows that's exactly what will happen. She knows the moment Parker finally falls asleep, she'll place a pillow behind her daughter's back to pretend she's still there. Then, she'll slide away to work some more.

Half an hour later, that's exactly what she does. There's still too much ground to cover until the next inauguration day. There are still technicalities and issues that need to be fixed before then. There's still the issue of what she'll show him. What pieces of evidence can she give him without showing all her cards or the real extent of the issue?

She gets back to bed a little past two am. She spoons next to Parker. She's surprised when sleep finds her easily. She's never been much of a dreamer, but she finds herself dreaming of Jack. Of what she would say to him when she sees him. How he would embrace her so tight, that all the pieces would melt back together before he even kissed her. How his eyes would shine, and he would doubt just a little before kneeling in front of Parker. Taking her in his arms as he always should've been able to.

The next morning is different. She wakes up to a crying Parker, and she doesn't know why that's happening. Between sobs, she manages to understand that some kid in her class had convinced her that Santa could make miracles come true. That somewhere there's a note that says: " _Dear Santa, please get the bad guys away from us. So my daddy can come to visit and mommy won't cry when she's alone."_

Sam's heart breaks. She knows what it's like to hope for something like that. She'd done the same the year her mom passed away. There's a difference between Parker's request and hers. Parker's only seven. She's just a child and her father's alive.

"Oh, Sweet P…. Sometimes miracles just take time." She whispers, trying to comfort her in a hug.

"They do?" Parker sobs, and Sam nods.

Sam doesn't quite believe in miracles anymore, but she knows she's close to getting them out of this life. She's close to fulfilling a version of her dream. She's so damn close… There's only the small matter of, if things don't go as well as she's planned them… Her family reunion can mean that she's only there to get her daughter to Jack. Before she's taken away and locked up for good.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know... If instead of this you were reading the Silmarillion ... you'd be really close to ending it  
> I can't believe how many words are into this!

**Friday, January 23, 2009**

_"You can go now,"_ Sam said.

She's finally free for the night. After Parker had finally fallen asleep, three chapters after they'd started reading. She can't complain though, she knows at some point Parker will be an adolescent. Then she won't want to be read a bedtime story anymore.

Making herself comfortable in her office chair. She takes a sip of her tea and smiles as she observes Jordan, from several of the hundred cameras that cover the White House. He's becoming a great man, and she's proud of him.

Now, he just needs to get the President to himself, so she can have a chat with him. She knows Jordan is charismatic enough that he'll somehow manage such a feat.

With the combined experience of the people working for "Jordan", Sam had navigated their companies to become a provider for the needs of the government. She didn't always win the contracts away from the companies controlled by the Trust legally. Without having lobbyists the way the Trust did to fight for her cause, they forced her to play their game. Their ways are never fair or legal, so she's just paying them back with the same coin. It's not nice or by the book, but she needs to break some rules to fix what no one knows is actually beyond broken.

Every time she breaks the rules, it makes her wonder what makes her any different from the people who cornered her into this life. She dwells on her situation, as the man she's come to trust manages to steer President Hayes out of his party. They go into one of the offices on the residential level of the White House.

"Mr. Craig, what can I possibly do for you that requires you to get me out of such a delightful party." Sam heard from the mic Jordan had on.

"Sir, I need you to make contact with someone," Jordan said.

"Where is this someone?" Hayes asks. An amused expression on his face noticing the empty room. Jordan presents him with earpieces before he points to the computer in that office. Stealing a glance towards the security cameras, knowing she'll be there.

_"I'm here,"_ Sam says. Once she notices the President put the earpiece on. _"Mr. President, if you recognize me, it's of the utmost importance that you don't say my name. If you don't, my name is Samantha Carter."_

"Okay, but I thought…"

_"I'm alive, sir."_

"Is this one of those secrets that someone just forgot to tell me before?" Hayes wonders aloud. Remembering the numerous things he had learned after his first inauguration.

_"I wish it were that simple, sir. I'm sorry to tell you, but I couldn't come forward until I knew for sure you were… clean."_

"Clean? You investigated me?" Hayes raises his eyebrows, surprised by this.

_"Yes, sir."_

"What took you so long?" He frowned.

_"Some of your connections, sir, we couldn't quite figure them out until it was too late. Then we had to wait until we knew you would get another term. Once that happened, it made little sense to interrupt your already busy life until now."_

"So, I'm _clean_?" Hayes frowns. Sam nodded. "Of what?"

_"I should start at the beginning. A few years ago, I was blackmailed out of the command I was in. That command is one of the few that once you're in, there's not an out unless you resign or die. Being reassigned only happens to another post that requires equal or more level of clearance."_

"I think I know the one you're talking about," Hayes said. He couldn't say Stargate Commando to her, with Jordan in the room. He needed more information from her.

_"I was a member of SG-1 and reported to R &D. There were also a couple of not quite known tasks on my plate. I oversaw the development of the F-302 and the Prometheus."_

"That's a lot of tasks."

_"I was also the main engineer of the gate software, its developer. I was also in charge of keeping it running and fixing it if it failed. So, I was very surprised when the JCS decided that I shouldn't be kept inside the facility that was running my own code."_

"What was the excuse?" Hayes wondered. Jordan plopped himself in the chair in front of him. Hoping he could hear what was being said. She had been clear, though. She wanted him as unknowing as he could possibly remain. Curiosity aside, he wouldn't betray her like that. So he had asked her to kill his earpiece when she started talking.

_"After being a victim of kidnapping, the JCS agreed that I was a risk to national security. They forced my hand to get inside the witness protection program. I didn't take too long before I noticed there were some darker forces at play."_

"Darker?" Hayes frowned.

_"Are you familiar with the NID, sir?"_ Hayes nodded _. "The committee?"_

"Yes."

_"How about the Trust?"_ Sam asked.

"I've known of them too."

_"They're the ones responsible for my exile and fake death, sir. It has also come to my attention that they're also involved with WITSEC. There's a long list of people who have been forced out of their careers, just like I was."_

"There are?"

_"I have evidence to back out what I'm saying, sir. I can deliver it to you. Though you'll only have my word about the authenticity of the evidence, I can present."_

"So, at the end of the day, it's your word against someone else's word then?"

_"No, sir, besides the evidence I have. There's the word of over a hundred people. Along with their life's experiences against the word of people inside every branch of the government, including the SGC, the White House, and the Pentagon. This is my first attempt of contact. So you can check what little evidence Mr. Craig will give you before he leaves tonight."_

"So, you're saying I should trust you?" Sam snorted.

_"No, sir. In your position, I wouldn't trust me either. What I'm saying is that you can check the evidence. When you decide if you can trust me, you can call a number that will appear among the documents you'll have."_

"How can I check it, if you are saying I shouldn't trust anyone?"

_"There's a couple of people I trust, people who are clean. Lt. Colonel Paul Davis is one of them. He knows I'm alive because of a mission, they forced him to pull me into. He doesn't know my current location or what has happened with me since I've gone off the grid. Mr. Craig knows even less than Davis does."_

"You want me to believe that the man that connected me with you, knows nothing about your whereabouts?"

_"No. I expect you to interrogate him at some point. So, you can confirm he doesn't know a thing. He knows about the Trust. He knows what to search to recognize if someone's clean or not. Despite having been inside Cheyenne Mountain, he doesn't even know about the Stargate."_

"How's that possible?" Hayes frowned.

_"In the same way that it was possible for me to complete all the tasks on my plate and still be on the front lines, sir. It takes a lot of planning."_

"It's there more people I can trust?"

_"I'm sure you'll know the answer to that, sir. Yes, of course, there are, General O'Neill, Lt. Colonel Janet Fraiser, Doctor Daniel Jackson, Teal'c of the Jaffa, Vala Mal Doran, Cassandra Fraiser, and Jordan Craig,"_ she states. He frowns for a second, realizing there's a missing name on that list.

"SG-1 and the Head of Home World Security?" Jordan's head raises at the mention of Home World Security. He knew about its existence because they had several contracts with them. Jordan has no clue of what they really did since Sam was the one taking care of those.

_"Most of SG-1,"_ she corrects, and he understands that the name wasn't just forgotten but purposely left behind. " _Sir, I must warn you. If you aren't the one contacting me at the number, you'll find that I won't answer. I'm not on the grid, I'm not traceable. I can't risk being found when I'm so close to getting back."_

"Okay."

_"I need to go now, sir. You're being searched for. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."_

"Right back at you!" Hayes said. The video call disconnected at the same moment that the door was opened.

"Fancy meeting you here, sir," Jack said, as he entered the room. He took out a radio. "I found him. Cancel the search."

"The search?" Hayes wondered.

"You've been gone for over an hour, sir," Jack stated as if it was obvious.

"Oh. I was having a chat with …"

"Me…" Jordan interrupted before the President could give anything away.

"I know you." Jack frowned. "Why do I know you?" Jordan blanched, hoping the General wouldn't recognize him as the boy that once had the balls to pass along a message about red underwear.

"Jack. This is Mr. Jordan Craig. Several of his companies have contracts with our government." Jack didn't seem amused or surprised.

"Mr. Craig." He nodded. "Mr. President, you should get back to your party."

"Wait for a second, General. Mr. Craig has to give me some papers he brought over about one of his projects."

"What? No annoying USB drive?" Jack frowns confused.

"Real paperwork is safer, I'm afraid," Jordan says. He had asked her the same thing and that was her answer. If she says it's safer, he trusts it is. Jack just rolls his eyes at this.

"Sir… I can take those papers and keep them safe for you," Jack stated.

"I'm sorry to disagree," Jordan said. "But I can't give them to you."

"Yes, you can, Mr. Craig. They will be safer in his hands than they will be in the safe in my office." Hayes patted his shoulders.

_"Give them to him_ ," Sam's voice entered his ear. Jordan sighed and passed them to the General. _"Tell him not to read them unless Hayes orders him to after he has read them himself."_

"You can't read them, General." Jordan declared. "You'll need to read them first, Mr. President. If afterward, you want to share them with the General. We won't have any complaints."

"Cool. So now that everything is solved. Can you get back to that party of yours, Mr. President? While I go home to keep these safe for you," Jack asked, not sounding amused at all by the turn of events.

"Isn't that a perfect plan!" Hayes grinned, knowing that Jack was taking that folder as an out.

The first thing the following morning, Hayes was already sitting at Jack's office inside the Pentagon. The folder in his hands as he reads through it.

"Can you call Davis for me, Jack?"

"Davis?" Jack frowned.

"Yup. You know, Paul Davis. Intelligence? You know him, a very nice guy… Kinda helps you out with that investigation you aren't actually doing…"

"I guess I can." Jack shrugged. Davis joined them in Jack's office not much later, waiting for something to happen. When it didn't, he cleared his throat.

"Ah, Davis!" Hayes grinned. "I need you to run this information. Find out if it's true. Is there a fire alarm in here?"

"Yes. Of course, sir," Jack frowned.

"Any of you smoke?"

"No, sir." They both said.

"Boomer! I need to burn this piece of paper." He said, after learning the numbers on it by heart.

"Ah! I can help you with that." Jack grinned. He took out a zat and shoot at it three times. "It helps with the environment." Hayes shook his head, amused.

"Davis, once you're done. Give me a call, and we'll both come here to discuss it further. Jack, you won't mind if we use your conference room, right?"

"Not in the sightless, sir. Unless, you know, there're some aliens harassing my ass for some weird reason."

"Jack, you're a funny guy."

"I try, sir."

**Sunday, January 25, 2009**

Davis' expression was neutral, even though he was boiling inside. The data Hayes had handed him over was damning… And true. There were several cases of people being forced out of different branches of the government. The worst part was that they were all dead. They had all been part of WITSEC once, just like Samantha Carter.

"Do we know if they're actually alive?" Hayes wondered.

"No, sir. After they were killed… There's no trace of where they could have gone," Davis said.

"But they could still be alive?"

"Well, sir, as far as I know… You are aware of General O'Neill's search for Major Carter since you're the one who approved it."

"Yes. I'm aware of that."

"We know she was alive in December 2007, since there's a witness to it. We searched the security footage of where she was spotted, but we came back empty-handed. But the witness is certain it was her…"

"She's alive, Davis," Hayes states.

"Sir?"

"She gave me these. Well, not her… but she sent them my way." Paul's eyes widened in surprise at this statement.

"Sir… You need to inform General O'Neill about it… about her."

"Do I?" Hayes grinned.

"Sir…"

"Davis. She says she trusts him. She said she trusts you. But it's me, she contacted. So, I'll think about it. Until then, you won't say a word about this to General O'Neil." Davis took a deep breath. "I mean it, Davis. We can't give him hope or send him into a wild goose chase. Not when we don't know who we can trust, or what her plans are."

"I see."

"There's one thing I'm missing, Davis. Jack mentioned being blackmailed into taking her to the safe house. She pointed out that she was forced to get out. Do you have any ideas as to why there's a resignation letter in her file when both claim they pressured her for an out?"

"Yes, sir. I do," he said, averting his eyes to the ground for a second.

"Enlighten me, Lt. Colonel."

"I placed it there, sir," Paul says, squaring his shoulders. Flinching at the chance of getting his career finished over this.

"What? Why?"

"Sir… I tried to convince the JCS that it was a dumb idea to force her out of the SGC. I also knew beforehand that they would need someone to inform her of this. It wasn't hard to figure out that this someone would have to be someone they had leverage on."

"What is this leverage?" Hayes frowned.

"Sir… There's a file somewhere, in where the Tok'ra states both, back then Colonel O'Neill and Major Samantha Carter admitted to having feelings for each other. After that, they remained in the same chain of command. Major Carter continued serving as Colonel O'Neill's 2IC."

"So what? If they didn't act upon it…." Hayes frowned. Davis sighed. "They acted upon it."

"No, sir. Not until she resigned."

"But she didn't resign…" Hayes frowned, and Paul nodded. "Davis…. Is that document _legal_?"

"Yes, sir. Except she doesn't know it exists."

"Oh, hell! What's wrong with you all?" Hayes waves his hands before rubbing his face tiredly.

"Sir…. If you had just a week to live, and the JCS said you wouldn't be punished for anything that happened during those last days… What would you do, if the one who's supposed to follow you around…. the one they ordered to follow you around… Is the one person you're in love with?"

Hayes sighed. "Love them, that's what I'd do."

"I thought the same thing back then. But something told me they would hang whatever happened over their heads. The resignation was just a preventive thing. It's her signature, sir. She signed that piece of paper along with her last leave request. So did General Hammond. For some reason, neither of them read the text or were surprised when I moved the folders from one floor to the other."

"You moved the folder?"

"Yes, sir. SGC is a crazy place. When I offered to take the file, none of them batted an eye. Apparently, she did say to you that she trusts me."

"Well, good thing she did trust you back then."

"I agree, sir. I've seen pictures of them together during that last week. I never showed them to the General, but if they've got those pictures, who knows what else they have on them."

"She does. I'm sure she does…."


	46. Chapter 46

**Tuesday, January 27, 2009**

Sam was worried. She hadn't heard from Jordan for a few days. Neither had she heard from the President. She was restless, anxious, and couldn't help but wonder if she'd screwed her chances for good.

She tried again to find him, but she couldn't. All she knew was that they had taken him. He had been taken to somewhere without cameras access. The thing was, Sam knew there were plenty of places just like that. Including Jack's office at the Pentagon, some interrogation rooms back at Cheyenne, and of course, the Prometheus. That she happened to know was in orbit. Those were some of the most secured places on Earth, and a few that she couldn't get into. She wasn't even dwelling on the ones off-world.

Engrossed in trying to find her way inside the safest network that seemed to be inside Jack's office. She almost missed her chat, blinking on a secondary screen.

**Jnerd:** _You weren't joking about their interrogations…_

The message said, and she breathed. At least he was alive.

**GrandEmpress:** _God, Jnerd! Are you okay? Did they hurt you?_

**Jnerd:** _I'm okay. Besides, considering what I researched about interrogation methods and what I've been through, I'll say no._

**GrandEmpress:** _What happened?_

**Jnerd:** _You weren't watching over me? T-T_

**GrandEmpress:** _I couldn't find you. I saw you being dragged out of your house. I tried the ones I could access, but they were smart enough not to take you anywhere they thought I could get into. Where were you?_

**Jnerd:** _It beats me! All I know is that it was too damn white. White ceiling, white floor, white table, white chair. It contrasted highly with the blue uniform of the guy who questioned me._

**GrandEmpress:** _Do you know his name?_

**Jnerd:** _Yeah. You know him too. His name's Paul Davis._

**GrandEmpress:** _God, it wasn't General O'Neill?_

**Jnerd:** _Nope. Our dear General was nowhere to be seen._

**GrandEmpress:** _That's odd._

She wrote but it gave her the knowledge that for some reason Hayes and Davis still hadn't disclosed the contents of the folder to him.

**Jnerd:** _My guess it's because of the line of questions he was using._

**Jnerd:** _They asked a lot about you. About that something called The Trust._

**Jnerd:** _About General O'Neill and what did I know about people who seem to be dead, but I know full well they aren't._

**GrandEmpress:** _What did you say?_

**Jnerd:** _They had me strapped to a lie detector. So, as you warned me before, I had to tell them the truth._

**GrandEmpress:** _What took them so long?_

**Jnerd:** _I guess they wanted to be sure I didn't know a thing._

**Jnerd:** _We went through the same questions over and over and over again, just phrased differently. You know, like in those psych evals?_

**Jnerd:** _When they ask something in one way and then something in another way. So you get confused and spill more than you want._

**GrandEmpress:** _When did you get home?_

**Jnerd:** _A few hours ago. They left the place a mess! They even ripped out the cameras you told me to get._

She'd advised him to add some cameras to his loft, so she could keep an eye on his stuff. They had found a couple of them on their first sweep. It didn't surprise her when they brought them all down on their third one. They had also called the manager and removed all the external cameras under some obscure pretense of privacy laws. Effectively blinding her.

**Jnerd:** _I haven't picked up half of it yet. But, hey, you were right. They took apart my computer._

**Jnerd:** _So, good thing that you advised me to change my drive for an almost blank one, and send this one to a safe place before that damned party! Anyhow, when I finally arrived, I got a shower._

**Jnerd:** _God, that felt so good after so long._

Sam smiled after reading that.

**GrandEmpress:** _I know that feeling!_

**Jnerd:** _Why I'm not surprised? xD. Are you sure you aren't James Bond too?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Nope. Not British. Their accent is lovely, though._

**Jnerd:** _I bet you would sound hotter with that accent. :D So, back at the thing._

**Jnerd:** _I waited for their van to leave. I took my laptop with me and went to Fred's. As you instructed me before, I changed the drives there and came back._

**Jnerd:** _Sorry it took me so long to get back at you after they dropped me off and I returned from Fred's._

**Jnerd:** _I thought, you'll want me to make sure they weren't eavesdropping on my network before I contacted you._

**GrandEmpress:** _Yes. Don't be sorry, it's better this way. So everything's safe?_

**Jnerd:** _Everything but my pride._

**GrandEmpress:** _Did you have any pride left? xD_

**Jnerd:** _Ha. Ha. Very funny. I guess now I'm 'clean'_

**GrandEmpress:** _No. You now are a control point, Jordan. You'll need to take extra care on keeping your connections protected._

**Jnerd:** _Crap, things are bad. You just called me Jordan!_

Sam chuckled, but the truth was that he was now under surveillance. She wasn't sure if the surveillance on him was the good guys or the bad ones.

**GrandEmpress:** _Until I figure out who is watching you. I'll need you to watch your back harder than before._

**Jnerd:** _Almost full Grand Empress mode, huh?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Yeah._

**Jnerd:** _So you are her! xD_

**GrandEmpress:** _Here we go again…._

**Jnerd:** _Why you keep denying it?_

**GrandEmpress:** _I never denied it._

**Jnerd:** _Ha! I am right!_

**GrandEmpress:** _I never confirmed it either. Someone's trying to get into your network. Get out of here. If you need me, email me to one of the companies._

**Jnerd:** _Sure. Good luck… Grand Empress :D_

**Thursday, January 29, 2009**

It's late, but not so late that it would be rare to see him exiting his office at this time of the night. As he leaves, someone bumps into him. Jack takes a step back and frowns. Like a few days before, Davis is holding a sealed envelope in his hands. Jack simply knows it's the one that kid had delivered to them.

One that would end up in the safe inside his office, that could only be opened by Davis or himself. It really can't be anything else.

"Davis. What the hell is going on?" Jack asks as the younger officer's eyes widened.

"Sir. I'm sorry, sir. What?" Jack squints at him.

"Don't sir me Davis… Just tell me what the heck is going on! I know you ordered Jordan Craig to be brought into custody. I know you had him sitting on the Prometheus for crying out loud!" Jack hisses. "I know we know have a crew watching over him!"

"Sir," Davis says, watching carefully around. "I don't think we should have this conversation here. Besides, I have my orders, sir. I can't tell you anything." Jack grabs him from the lapels of his uniform and drags him to the safety of his office.

"Now. Speak." Jack growls.

"It has to do with the folder that Mr. Craig left for the President, sir. That's all the answer I can give you."

"I swear to God, Davis…"

"You should talk to him, sir. He's the one who can give you some answers, he's the one that doesn't want you to read this."

**Sunday, February 1, 2009**

The only thing Henry Hayes misses from his previous life is the ability to catch a breath whenever he wanted. Since he became President, he discovered that Presidents do a helluva lot more than he thought they did, just not enough of what he thought they should.

While taking naps or eight hours of undisturbed sleep wasn't on his to-do list. He never thought he'd be missing those, as well. But it just turned one a.m, and he'd finally kicked the last of the personnel out of his office.

There's a folder in a safe inside the safest room he could find that he needs to address. Hayes knows there's a lot of cameras installed all around the White House premises. He knows about the ones on the resident's side too. However, he also knows now that there are a few blind spots, thanks to a nicely drawn diagram that was in the folder Jordan Craig had delivered to him.

One happens to be in a room where there's also no mics and was circled in a nice red marker on the document. So he strolls there.

He takes out a burner phone that Davis had given him when he came to inform that Craig seemed to be unaware of anything beyond the fact that there was a group inside the government that he knew was called the Trust. That they were targeting scientists and that he had helped them somehow to escape their fate. He doesn't know what that fate is, or where they are. He doesn't even know who or what the Trust is… and despite everything pointing to the contrary; he knows squat about Samantha Carter.

Every piece of information provided was as enlightening as it was confusing. Two sheets of paper confirmed information that they already knew. Everything else just showed how inadequate the investigation that Davis and Jack were doing was. Due to no fault of their own. There was so much information that apparently none of them had known about until Samantha Carter bought it to light. They were searching for her; she was digging a lot more.

He needed something more, though, before he could answer her. He needed the opinion of the man who kept searching for her even when everyone else seemed to accept her fate, even her father. Deciding that's what he needs to do. He keys the digits of the private number Jack had given him for his use only and waits.

_"Sir,"_ Jack answers pretty quickly.

"General, I hope I didn't wake you."

_"At 0125, sir? Not a chance."_ Jack answered. He meant it as a joke, but Hayes suspected that there was some truth behind it. Gate people didn't keep a regular schedule. Decisions pertaining to the SGC always were critical at the worst times.

"I think you might now why I'm calling."

_"The mysterious file."_

"Yeah."

_"Can I go through it?"_

"I wouldn't advise that, Jack. Not yet, at least." Jack sighed. "I need an honest answer from you."

_"My answers are always honest, sir. Isn't that what you like about me?"_

"Even if you might be biased?" Hayes winced.

_"It's about Carter, isn't it?"_

"Jack. I believe you knew her better than anyone else. That's the reason you keep searching for her. What I need to know is, would she change sides to seek revenge?"

_"Revenge? No. Carter was never in favor of revenge, sir. She was always in search of justice."_

"I see."

_"Sam was always a by the book kind of officer, sir. Even when she had to break some rules under my command, she only did it because it was for the greater good. She wouldn't doubt about breaking them if it was to fight injustice."_

"Thanks, General. That was enlightening. Try to sleep, Jack. You looked like crap the last time I saw you."

_"Will do."_

Hayes sighed. Now the subject was, could people change so much? Could someone who seemed so by the book go way beyond the line?

"You heard the man, Henry." He said to himself. "She wouldn't doubt it if it was in search of justice." So, he grabbed a second burner phone. Clenching his jaw, he dialed the digits he'd memorized not so long ago. He waited.

_"You've reached a decision."_ She answered after the second ring. Hayes took a deep breath.

"You handed over enough evidence for me to believe in you. However, I'm not sure what you want me to do with it. My job isn't to make laws or even enforcing them. My hands are pretty much tied in your case. Unless there's a way to move things slowly using as few people as we can. Either way, if we need to pass some sort of law. It will end up disclosed in both chambers, and if there's as many of them as you seem to think they are…. Then they won't let it pass. I'm truly stumped about where to go next. How can you even move the next piece?" He said all at once. Back home, Sam grinned.

_"Then, Mr. President, allow me to tell you that you're lucky that I've already now where to go with it next. I've told you, sir. Planning is what I do best. I'll need your help."_

"I figured that much. What can I do?" Hayes sighed.

_"I need four clean people in the supreme court, sir."_

"Only four?" He joked.

_"Yes, sir."_

"You aren't joking. Only four?" he asked again, this time in concern.

_"Yes, sir."_

"Well, I guess that's not as bad. It's kinda a bit of a relief."

_"Not really, sir. There's currently a retired one that will need to step up when the time comes."_

"Five out of nine are dirty?"

_"No, sir. Five out of six are the majority. If we manage to push for six clean people, there that'd be for the best."_

"So, you are planning on suing the government," he muttered.

_"That's one of the few paths they left me, sir."_

"You know they can get you for treason or even espionage once you do that."

_"That's my risk to take, sir. Believe me, I know exactly where I stand."_ Sam said.

"Do you even have a good lawyer? Because you surely will need one," He sighed.

_"I have some ideas for that. Sir, I will need a whole set of NDAs to grant him or her the same level of clearance that I had."_

"Clearance? This is going to hell, right?"

_"Try knowing you might reach your 25th new life in eight years, sir. Then we can talk about hell."_

"You have Davis' information. Why don't you go ahead and contact him? He can sort out the NDAs for you."

_"I'll rather you do it, sir. That way he can't say I contacted him. I need him clean."_ Hayes huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I understand, call me when you've got a name."

_"Will do, sir. There's one more request, though. I didn't want to ask it before you decided if you trusted in me or not."_

"Why?"

_"I thought you might believe it comes out of bias."_ Hayes knew then, whatever she was going to ask had to do with Jack.

"What can you be possibly biased from?"

_"General O'Neill, sir. I know you know that. I know you have him searching for me. It took me a while, but I figured that one too. I'm sure he managed to convince you. He can be very convincing when he puts his heart on it."_

"What are you not saying, Major?"

_"I'm not sure I'm still a Major, sir. My request is that you move General O'Neill out of the Pentagon. He's a walking target there. The target on his back will only get bigger as time goes by."_

"If I can't have him at the Pentagon, where do you imagine he would be safer."

_"At the SGC, sir. There are enough offices and storage rooms on levels 8-10 for him to have an office. If he's meeting people unaware of the things happening down there, those levels are out of the loop. They can be evacuated first in case of something going awry. If he needs to meet people aware of the program, there are quite a few offices and storages available at level 17, 19, and 20. Including the B-3 room, what was known as my old lab."_

"Why would you want him there?"

_"He has people there, sir. Besides, the further away he is from the Trust. The hardest will be for them to get to him, once things blow up."_

"I'll think about it."

_"It's all I'm asking now."_

"Should I give him access to the folder you sent?"

_"It's up to you, sir. What I can tell you is that there are bits and pieces of almost eight years of work inside that folder. It's not even the beginning of the issue. He also needs to be clean. I'll need him clean if I want to return. I need to go, sir. Time's running out for this to be a safe call. I'll find a way to get the name to you."_

"I guess I'll wait for it."

_"Goodnight, sir. You should sleep, you have an early start tomorrow."_ Sam said before she ended the call.

"How the hell does she know that?" Hayes wondered. He shook his head. Getting out of the bathroom right beside the security office, as if it was the most normal thing to do. "She knows a helluva lot, Henry. Why would knowing your agenda be surprising?"


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned how much work is Loverustal putting into this?   
> Enjoy!

**Sunday, February 1, 2009**

Sam lowers the phone and gasps for air. Then she cries out unexpectedly. "Holy fuck! I'm getting so close!" as she stretches in front of her computer. Shaking her head, she walks into the kitchen to make herself a fresh batch of coffee. She's going to need it. She can't stop shaking out of surprise and excitement, and it's with trembling hands that she sets the coffee machine.

She can't help but pace before she walks outside to their little garden. Looking up into the skies, she says a thankful prayer. Sam isn't sure if she still believes there's a God, but she still feels the need to say thank you to someone. God, the universe, whoever will take it, she doesn't care. It's just a raw need to share it with someone, even if she can't really see them.

She looks at the stars and finds one that, for some reason, she's always related to Jack. "Soon, my love, not too long now." She mutters. Hearing the coffee maker spitting out the last of the water, she walks back in. Pouring herself a huge mug, she walks back to her office.

Lowering her mug, she unlocks her screens and looks at them. The amount of information she possesses is distributed over several servers in several companies. The information of the people who she'd rescued from WITSEC is also deployed around other sets of servers. She can make sense of the vast information she's got, but there's a slight issue at hand.

"I'll need an excellent lawyer if we want this to get past the shortcomings it already has," she mumbles, clenching her jaw. A piece falls in place as she looks at the data displayed on her screens. "Holy Hannah! I know one!" she chuckles with happy tears running down her face.

It's not just one, but the right one. Jenna Black, like herself, had ended up living a lie. She was a naval lawyer who had resigned her commission to play in the major leagues of law in DC. Only to return to her post claiming the air was cleaner. After she'd rejected a few clients, that were some of the dirtiest on Sam's list.

For some reason, Jenna Black seemed to Sam like a mix of herself and Jack.

The lawyer had ended up in the Salt Lake City compound after she was asked to take witness protection as a way out of a bad case. Her case involved being the prosecutor against some people on Sam's list. They marked Jenna as part of the 'it's safer if you go away' team because she had an excellent case. One that could potentially end up with some big names being dragged out of their current positions.

A couple of fake life-threatening situations against her and her family had her taking the offer fast. Sam had found her on the WITSEC list and researched her thoroughly, as she did with every one she took out. So, about six months later, when Jenna and her family appeared as 'a tragic accident of a family of four' in the headlines, Sam had her extracted before they could reach her. Now Jenna Black was part of Sam's club.

She squinted at her screen. She'd asked Jordan to remain away from their server, but she needed him. A call was too risky. So, she entered one of the companies' servers and opened 'her' email account.

"If you're awake, connect to the internal chat." She wrote, adding his email address and waiting. They encrypted their entire systems beyond the usual security. The truth was that she was just too paranoid that someone would find them and screw their chances. Internal chat should be safe, but she wouldn't use it for long.

**Jordan Craig:** _I thought you were avoiding me? Isn't this risky?_

**Gina Earp:** _It is. Let's keep it short. Connect to our safe place._

She saw him disconnect from the company's chat and doubled the security of their usual comm server.

**Jnerd:** _Tell me what you need_.

She checked every single possible threat coming from his side. She sighed when she found none.

**GrandEmpress:** _A safe house. I'll need safe transport for Jenna Black, so she can get there. Make it close to where she is, so she can go alone._

**Jnerd:** _Okay. Why should she want to move alone?_

**GrandEmpress:** _For a meeting. I need the house to have at least three furnished bedrooms, and you know, the usual suspects._

**Jnerd:** _Great internet, extremely safe, far away from people, and of course, very well supplied… and let's not forget a coffee machine and good coffee beans!"_

She smiled at his answer. It wasn't the first time she requested something like that. It seemed as if finally looked like something normal for her to request from him.

**GrandEmpress:** _Exactly._

**Jnerd:** _Will she need a computer too?_

**GrandEmpress:** _I'll take my laptop._

**Jnerd:** _You'll take your laptop? Wait for a second, you're going?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Yes._

**Jnerd:** _Can I come?_

Sam looked at his question, pinched the bridge of her nose, and sighed.

**GrandEmpress:** _You know what I feel about it, Jnerd. You already know part of what they can do to get information out of you. Now, you know a lot more than you did before._

**GrandEmpress:** _So, this time, it's completely up to you. It is your life after all, and I have intruded on it for too long._

**Jnerd:** _Why don't you just meet her at the compound where she lives? I mean, it's already safe._

**GrandEmpress:** _Too many people are there._

**Jnerd:** _Whatever you say, we aim to please. I'll find a new safe house close to her. How fast do you need it?_

**GrandEmpress:** _ASAP._

**Jnerd:** _I'll have someone checking out places._

**GrandEmpress:** _The usual time frame is good, Jnerd. Just make sure it's safe._

**GrandEmpress:** _And Jnerd…_

**Jnerd:** _Yes?_

**GrandEmpress:** _If you decide to join, just make sure you are not being followed._

**Saturday, February 7, 2009**

Hayes isn't really surprised when he finds Jack inside the oval office at 0500 in the morning. Jack looks like he could kill someone. The dark circles under his eyes do nothing to harm the threatening vibe of the man. Hayes always knew the man had something in him that had gained him the respect of alien and humans alike. Hayes always thought Jack was a bit aloof. Too much of a jokester, but he had his file and knew what he was capable of. Now, seeing this dangerous side of him, he understands why System Lords feared him too.

"Jack," Hayes greets him as cheerily as he can.

"Mr. President."

"To what do I owe this honor."

"Sir, can you walk with me?" Jack says.

By the way he says it, Hayes knows it's not a request but an order. An order that he doesn't feel compelled to refuse. No matter how much he's supposedly the one who should give them to Jack.

Hayes nods, and they walk out of the room, towards the lower levels. Jack leads the way to the safest room in the White house. One where there's no access at all from the outside world unless they turn on one of the computers that are inside.

However, being the half paranoid man he's become, thanks to cleaning too many bugs out of his own walls. The first thing Jack does, after entering the room and closing the door behind them, is tugging the power cables out of their socket. Once he's sure they are utterly alone, he turns towards Hayes.

"Sir, I want to know what the hell is going on."

"I have no clue what you're talking about." Jack raises his eyebrows and tilts his head.

"Don't you really, sir?" Jack hisses. "I'm talking about that damned folder, about your meetings with Davis. Let's not even bring up that mysterious call you gave me a week ago, sir."

"Jack, you've got to calm down!"

"Calm down? How can I calm down when I know something is going on? Something that somehow relates to me or my investigation and the ones who have access to this information are withholding it from me?"

"You do realize you're talking to your Commander-in-Chief, right?"

"Yes, sir! I also realize you can get my ass chewed, that I'm skipping a bunch of rules. Yet, you still aren't telling me squat, sir."

"I can't Jack. The things Davis and I know aren't good." The way he says it makes Jack take a deep breath.

"She's dead." He states.

"No, Jack. She's alive. She's the one who contacted me."

"She what?!"

"You sure this room is safe?" Hayes asks, looking around.

"That's what they say. As far as I'm concerned, the only safe place is in Earth's orbit."

"Then I won't say much more than what I've already said. There's something you need to know, though." Hayes said.

"What?"

"I'm moving Home World Security back to the SGC, Jack. We are accommodating the offices on the 10th floor for your daily activities. You will conduct any meetings that will need a safer environment with higher clearance on a conference room that we're setting up for you on the 20th floor."

"Sir?" Jack squinted. Hayes grinned.

"I'm sure there was not a thing in there that you didn't understand, Jack."

"I just don't understand, sir."

"Would you take it better, if I told you that she requested you to be moved back to the SGC for your own safety?"

Jack rubbed his face harshly a couple of times before passing his hands through his hair. He looked as tired as he felt.

"When is this happening?"

"Offices should be ready in two more days, Jack. You can take some days off to find a place to live there in the meantime. I'm sure you can use some days' leave. Maybe get some rest?" Jack clenched his jaw.

"Sir, why won't you allow me to read that file?"

"I've already burned it, Jack. She said you must remain clean. I have some inkling of what's she's planning, but I don't have the sightless clue of how she intends to achieve it."

**Friday, February 13, 2009**

For the longest time, she didn't really know what had happened to her home.

She did, now. They placed her house on the market four days after she had moved out. It was sold, not so long after, to a family of four that had torn the inside apart to make their new house a home. She liked her home, but the truth was it was just another building. They had taped all the memories she wanted from that place.

When Jack first moved out of Colorado, Sam wondered what he would do with his house. She had liked that house herself, but she wasn't sure if he would keep it or not. She knew Jack loved his home. She understood why when he took her to the cabin. It was like bringing a tiny bit of the cabin to Colorado.

So, she'd been truly surprised when it was placed for sale. She bought it under one of her many aliases and kept it rented out so it wouldn't fall apart.

The lease had ended back in December. With Hayes winning his second round, Sam had asked the leasing company not to put it on the market again. Now that she knew Jack was going back to Colorado, she wondered if he would try to get it back.

She'd instructed the leasing company to place it for sale. She got plenty of offers, but none from him. "Maybe the memories aren't worthy," she muttered. As she found out he had bought a different house, further away from the city and even closer to the mountain.

She looked at the request in her email. "I can't…" she mumbled. Before she hit reply and added an "I'm sorry, I'm not ready to sell after all. You can lease it again."

Maybe he wasn't ready to face the memories of his old house. She surely wanted to at least walk inside that house once more. To see what it once had meant to her.

"When did you become so fucking materialistic?" she wondered.

Then she turned off everything. Unplugged every single piece of electronics and took apart her computers. Placing the hard disks in a box. She walked away from the office, holding a box filled with some documents she would need during the weekend. She left the box on a seat and walked to Parker's room.

"Ready to go?" She asked, knocking on her door.

"Are you sure it's only for the weekend?" Parker worried. A lump formed in Sam's throat. She wondered if Parker would ever feel safe to take just a weekend trip. Without feeling like she was about to leave her whole life behind her.

"Yes, P. We'll be back on Tuesday."

"And I don't need to learn another name?" She frowned.

"We discussed this, P. You'll be April and I'll be Sophie Collins for the weekend. It's only for when we need to stop during our travel and just during the weekend."

"Okay," she huffed.

"So, everything ready?"

"Yup."

"Get your bag to the front door. I'll get a shower and we can leave."

"Okay, mommy."

Parker watched her mom disappear out of her room and towards her own. She shouldered her school bag and dragged her suitcase out of her room. She considered if she needed to bring her favorite blanket, too.

Her life experience told her it was for the best, so she pulled it up from her bed and walked carrying it out. She didn't notice the box in the way until it was too late. She heard it drop and spill its contents.

Frowning, she threw her blanket over the couch, and her backpack followed it. She left the suitcase where it was and sighed, noticing the mess she just made.

A brown box was lying toppled over on the floor. The lid had landed under the couch and there was a sea of papers flowing around. Chewing her lower lip, she started collecting the folders and documents one by one. Trying to place them in the same way she thought they would have been before.

Parker frowned when she noticed a picture of a woman in a blue suit. She grabbed it, only to find a picture of her mom staring at her. "Major Samantha Carter…" she read out loud. "United States Air Force." She blinked. She wasn't sure what that meant. Hearing the door to her mom's bathroom open, Parker knew it wouldn't be long before she was out.

She placed the files inside the box and noticed there was also a picture that had fallen away. There were four people on it. A dark-skinned man with a weird thing on his forehead, a young-looking man with glasses, a brown-haired man that was standing a bit too close to the last one… The last one was her mom.

"Parker," her mom said, and she threw the picture inside the box. Hurriedly tried to pick everything up out of the floor. "I'm…" Sam stopped as she looked at the image in front of her.

"I'm sorry, mommy. It fell down when I was passing by."

"Did you see anything in it?"

"No, mommy." She lied.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked, lowering herself to Parker's level. "I won't be mad if you did. I just need to know."

"I saw a picture of you?"

"That's it?" Parker nodded. "P, you can't tell anyone about the picture you saw, okay?"

"Okay, mommy." She nodded, understanding that whatever she thought she saw in that box, was something that got them where they were, running out of the bad guys.

"Now, let me pick up this mess while you go to the bathroom. It will be a while before we stop."


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! There's progress... and kleenex are still unused (I hope)

**Saturday, February 14, 2009**

Around eleven pm, Sam pulled up to a hotel in Sioux City that still had vacancies left. She didn't bother to think about the reason every single motel they'd seen for the past couple of hours had been filled to the brim. There had been plenty of hearts everywhere they'd stopped. The sight of lovebirds and paper hearts only made the day a bit more bitter than it usually was for Sam.

She was exhausted, and although Parker was sleeping soundly in the backseat, her daughter deserved a halfway comfortable bed. After all, she'd already spent one night in the car's backseat.

Sam's heart started beating wildly when she realized this was the same place Jack had stopped all those years ago. When she'd called him and asked him to go to his cabin. She recognized it from the entryway and the parking lot arrangement she'd seen from their CCTV circuit. From the looks of it, it had changed little since she'd last hacked into it. She shook herself from her memories as she parked the car into one of the few empty spots.

Despite her heart being against it, Sam woke Parker up so she could walk to the front desk. She wrapped Parker in her blanket first. Then, Sam picked up P's suitcase, lowered her own backpack on top of it, and grabbed the box that contained all her data and drives. With everything secured, she took a deep breath.

"Come on P. Let's get you to a bed." Half asleep, Parker strolled in front of her mom and yawned. She dropped herself in the first seat she found as Sam made a beeline for the reception. Not much later, they were finally settling in for the night.

"Mommy…" Parker yawned as she made herself comfortable in the only bed the room had.

"Yes, P?" Sam asked, walking out of the bathroom and turning the lights off.

"Are we really getting back to Pitts after this?" she mumbled.

"Absolutely, P."

"Until I finish school?"

"Yeah." Parker sighed.

"Can I be Grace?"

"Sure P. You can be Grace." Parker yawned again. Her eyes were already closed.

"Goodnight, mommy. I love you."

"I love you too, P."

Sam always had issues trying to fall asleep. However, since she'd started this crazy plan of hers, she hadn't been pulling over four hours of sleep on a regular basis. Sometimes she went a couple of days without sleep before she'd collapse for six or seven hours. The past week hadn't been an exception.

Now she had to. She was taking Parker from one end of the country to the other. She had to be awake enough not to kill them both in something as stupid as a car accident. If she fell asleep behind the wheel all of this would have been for nothing. Somehow that thought had her out before her mind could dwell onto anything else.

It was the feeling of someone's finger softly caressing her hair, that had Sam mumbling a soft "Jack," before she tried to cuddle up to the source of the touch. The moment she did, she woke up. "Parker?" she blinked.

"Morning, Mommy," Parker mumbled softly. "Go back to sleep?"

"What time is it, P?" Sam asked. Rubbing her eyes with the back of one hand and trying to find the cellphone she left charging with the other one. It was already 10 am. "We need to wake up, P."

"I don't want to… you're comfy. It's warm here, and it's cold outside." Parker mumbled, cuddling up to her mom. Sam caressed her back for a while, but P couldn't get back to sleep, even if she wanted to. She'd fallen asleep three hours into their trip. Lulled by the noises of the cars and the never-ending route. Waking up only every time they pulled off to the side. So her mom could get some more coffee or gas. Or when they stopped for food. Sam yawned.

"I'm sorry, P. We need to get moving. I'll take a shower, so you can remain in bed for a while. Okay?" Sam mumbled with her eyes still mostly closed.

"I shower. You sleep." Parker said, sliding out of bed. Sam tried to stop her, but the truth was she was dead tired. If she could get a few extra minutes squeezed in, she should, for both their sakes.

The bathroom door opened half an hour later. Parker sat on the bed. The movement was enough to wake Sam up. "My turn, then we need to go find a place to get breakfast."

It took Sam only five minutes to get herself ready. Then another twenty before they were driving away from the hotel, with clear instruction to a nice dinner nearby.

They had stopped several times along the way. Making the already almost thirty hour-long trip a lot longer than it was supposed to. It didn't help that Sam was avoiding highways and tolls as much as she could if only to keep herself off the traffic cameras.

With a sigh, Sam blinked. She finally saw the sign welcoming her to Carter, Wyoming, population 10. She shook her head at Jordan's sense of humor and drove the miles separating her from her destination.

The first thing she noticed was that the farm she now owned was in far better condition than she thought it would be. The second was that Jordan was out there on the porch. Most likely after seeing or hearing her approach. The third was that two cars were already parked in front of the house.

She stopped the car and got down. Crooking her head and squinting her eyes, she smiled. "Why did I have an inkling you'd come?" she asked. "Is there a bed ready somewhere inside?"

"Yup. I had four rooms readied. You know the three you asked and one for me too. Why?" Jordan frowned when he noticed that halfway through his chat, Sam had walked away leaving him alone.

She opened the back of the car, pulling a sleeping Parker out. She lifted the child, placing her arms under her knees and back. Keeping her comfortably tucked in her arms.

"Whoa! Whoa! Who's that!?" Jordan asked, raising his hands. Getting out of her way. The smile she gave him calmed him down.

"My daughter," Sam said. Ignoring his reaction and walking up the steps of the porch.

"What? You? You have a daughter? Why didn't I know this?" His eyes widened.

"The bed?" Sam asked, ignoring him again. He rushed to show her a room. "Well, if you weren't here, you still wouldn't know I have her." Sam pointed out as she lowered Parker on the bed. Getting rid of her shoes and covering her up.

"But how?" Jordan frowned.

Sam just raised an eyebrow at him as if to say you know where babies come from. They walked away, closing the door behind them. "Can you help me with our stuff?" She asked, not waiting for him.

She walked to the car and tried to gather the several things that had gotten scattered around during their trip. In the end, she simply gave him the box and placed some stuff over the lid. Before she collected the rest and threw it inside her own bag.

With everything settled between the two of them, they walked back inside. They dropped everything off in Sam's bedroom and turned in time to see a woman walking out of another door.

"You must be Jenna Black," Sam said, looking to the woman. "I'm…"

"Samantha Carter. I know you. Rather, I heard about you. I was at Nellis, doing an investigation when your plane crashed." Jenna explained.

"You don't seem surprised to see a walking dead woman," Sam said.

"It's less impressive when you happen to be one of them. Or have been living in a community with several of those." She shrugged. "What am I doing here?"

"Do you want to get your life back?" Sam asked as she pointed to the table.

"Yes. What do you need?"

"We need to sue the government," Sam stated.

"You what!?" Jordan asked, but neither woman answered him.

"There's a tiny issue with that, though," Jenna said, crooking her head slightly.

"Tiny? You want to sue the whole damn government?" Jordan asked.

"I can't really represent you or anyone. I'm kinda dead and this Tasha Richardson person doesn't have a bar license." Jenna said, ignoring Jordan.

"What about the fact that you've been using illegal documentations? Not only for Jenna but yourself… Holy cow!" Jordan stopped with widened eyes. "You had your daughters' documents forged too?" He panicked.

"I've told you before you shouldn't prod too hard, Jordan," Sam said to him. The women locked eyes and assessed each other.

"Pro hac vice," Sam said then. Jenna snorted. "We'll need to file the Rule 21. There's also enough evidence for Rule 29. I mean, the fact that you're alive when they pronounced you dead, must count as a helluva bit of evidence, right? Especially when they claimed to have found your body. They had it DNA tested and all."

"Pro hac vice?" Jordan asked, utterly lost.

"It means for this event. It's a legal term." Jenna shook her head. "It's for whenever a lawyer who has not been permitted to practice in certain jurisdictions is allowed to take part in a particular case."

"It's available in every jurisdiction." Sam pointed.

"I know. What's the plan? What do you know?" Jenna wondered.

"A whole lot more than they even thought I'd learn," Sam huffed. "There's also binding evidence to go with the knowledge. Enough to bring them all down at once."

"At once?"

"That's the only way."

"God! What happens if I say no?" Jenna frowned.

"You won't." Sam smiled. "Still, if you walk away now. I'll take myself back into hiding. I'll find someone else to pursue this avenue. However, I know you won't leave."

"Why are you so sure I'll say yes?" Jenna asked.

"You want your life back, Jenna. You want to know why you're here, not only with me but hiding. You want to know who you're hiding from. I have the evidence that proves they forced you to take this out. I know not only that people in the government were behind the life-threatening situations that forced you to accept the witness protection offer. I know who they were, and I have evidence of it."

"The only way we can all claim our lives back is if all of them are gone. If they remain, we'll never be free. Those headline accidents they faked will end up happening sooner or later. So, you won't walk away from the chance of taking back the reins of your own life."

Sam's eyes never wavered from Jenna's as the woman assessed her. After a while, Jenna turned towards Jordan who was still looking at them with a confused frown. "And him?" she asked.

"Jordan's a wild card," Sam smiled. "They don't know he's up where he is, because of all the people they wanted out of the way are working together behind him. Truth is, just like yourself, most of the people don't even know what they're doing or where they are. They just wanted out of witness protection and I could offer it to them."

"What do you want from me?" Jenna asked.

"I need you to process the information. We have to make a solid case. It won't be just me or you, but a large number of people that will need to be brought up to speed. When we near the moment we're doing this."

"There's a date?"

"Not yet. There will be one. I'll have to pull some strings to get us a clean house first. I'll make sure everything is in place. When the time comes, Jordan and I will make sure whoever needs to take part is safely brought in and out of wherever we need them. I won't move people unless I know they'll be safe."

"Can you guarantee I'll be safe?" Jenna asked.

"Yes. Although it'll require something on your part, too."

"What?"

"You'll need to enter the same type of life I'm living. You won't be able to stay longer than a year anywhere. But unlike with me, there won't be many years. We don't have that many left anymore."

"We don't…" Jenna squinted. Sam smiled, noticing the woman was analyzing all she knew. Trying to fill up the blanks that were many.

"President Hayes, when his term ends, we'll be back at square one again," Jenna said. Sam nodded once. "God, when I took their offer, I never considered it was a dirty way out. Did you?" Sam shook her head no.

"When I took the offer, I thought I wouldn't ever go back to being Samantha Carter ever again."

"They didn't give you an out?"

"Yeah, they gave someone a seemingly impossible one." Sam smiled sadly. "Half of it's done, the other half… Well, it's impossible for that person to solve it. When there's so much dirt covering it." She shrugged. "So, will you take my offer?"

"What would entail moving every year with my kids? My husband?"

"Well, your husband is working for one of our companies, just like yourself. For both of you, it would only mean you got transferred and have new names. For your kids, it would mean they would have to change schools once a year. Just like my daughter has been doing since her first year."

"Can I think about it?"

"I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but I'd rather have an answer before I go back into hiding. Look, I know you're most likely wondering how it will affect your kids. I can give you some pointers on how to make them not feel it that much. But the one who can give you the best answers is asleep at the moment. So, I'll tell you what. Let's get some shuteye, and tomorrow you can speak to her. After that, I'll need your answer."

"I thought you didn't want to put too much pressure on me."

"Well, if you doubt it after listening to Parker's experience. Then you shouldn't do it. I'll understand if you want to put your family first. After all, that's what you did when you took their way out."

"What happens if I say yes?"

"I'll make good use of the setup Jordan placed somewhere inside this farm. I'll show you what I know. I'll need you to sign some NDAs to give you the clearance for some parts of the situation. You won't know exactly how far or screwed up things are until you sign those."

"Okay."

"There's one thing though. Once you say yes… There's no going back, Jenna. Even if you want to. You'll know too much to be able to get back to life like the one you're living now. Until we get them out, you won't be able to stay anywhere for longer than a year. Trust me, by month three you'll want to run to the next place."

"Is that what happens with you?"

"Every new life," Sam smiled. "Look, it's late. I'm exhausted and this is a lot to process. Let's discuss this further in the morning."


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> knowing the length of this ... thing ... Loverustal and I have decided... that we don't want to get you here till next year hoping for an end... that's why you'll see me posting so fast nowadays. 
> 
> Ah! Bring some kleenex along... after all, I did promise the angst of several lifetimes, or hours... or you know... just an occasional heart discomfort... a mild ache in the blood pumping organ...  
> I did promise it, didn't I?   
> Maybe not... #itDoesHaveAHappyEndingRememberThat!

**Sunday, February 15, 2009**

Parker blinked awake and found yet another weird ceiling over the top of her head. That wasn't something unusual, though. By now she'd plenty of experience with that. At seven years old and sixteen different identities, this wasn't the first time she woke up in an unknown place.

It was, though, a rare thing not finding her mom working just outside as she walked out of the room. Parker frowned. There was a brunette in what looked like an open kitchen. She was making some sort of batter. P didn't say a word, observing the stranger that was moving around as if she belonged there.

"Oh! Hey! Good morning. I'm making some waffles. Your mom went for a run. She was kinda worried you'd wake up and she wouldn't be here. I assured her I would keep you entertained if that was the case." The woman smiled.

"Good morning," P said, an unreadable expression on her face. One like Jenna had experienced the previous night coming from Samantha Carter.

"Please take a seat. Want some cereal? Milk? Toast?"

"Milk is fine." Jenna felt Parker's blue eyes follow her every movement. She turned around and looked at the same unwavering expression of her mom's. "Who are you?"

"I'm Jenna Black."

"I'm April Collins," Parker said, not batting an eye. Jenna frowned.

"I thought your name was Parker Carter. The daughter of Samantha Carter," Jenna stated, lowering a cup filled with milk in front of the girl.

"You must be confused, I'm April Collins. My mom's name is Sophie Collins." Parker stated without a hint of doubt.

"Huh. I could've sworn your mom said your name was Parker."

"It is," Sam said entering the room. Looking a bit sweaty, with bright red cheeks after a run. "Good morning, Sweet P. This is my friend Jenna."

"She can call me Parker?" P asked with a slightly confused frown. Sam grinned and nodded. "And she can call you Samantha Carter?" She enquired. Another nod from Sam made the girl turn towards Jenna with widened eyes.

"What? Did I get some batter on my face?" Jenna frowned. Sam shook her head.

"No. It's just that you're the second person besides me, who has called her Parker," Sam pointed. "One of my handlers, Kira… She used to call her Parker too, but she was too young when I left WITSEC, so she really doesn't remember her." Sam added pensively. Then she shook her head, noticing she had overshared.

"Oh, okay. So, Parker. Can I call you that?" The girl nodded.

"Mommy calls me P all the time, no matter I'm supposed to be called." Parker grinned. "People often say it's sweet that she calls me Pea."

"So tell me, P. What's it like to change names every once in a while?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "It's fun. I don't like to move that much, but I make friends everywhere!"

"Isn't it confusing?" Jenna asked. Parker gulped down a swig of milk as she shook her head no.

"It's a game! Mommy changes her name too, and we can be different people all the time. Like actors in the movies."

"P, I'm going for a shower. Did you get one?"

"No, mommy."

"Waffles are almost done, maybe she can shower after breakfast?" Jenna asked. Parker eyed Jenna and then jumped down from the chair.

"We'll be right back," Sam grinned, noticing the unease in Parker's stance.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, P?" Sam asked as they were far away enough from Jenna.

"Can she really know I'm Parker Carter?"

"Yes." Parker rubbed her face tiredly.

"Is she going to help us get the bad guys locked up?"

"That is what she's going to try, P."

"Okay."

After that, Sam pushed P towards her room for the weekend and she entered hers. It wasn't surprising when she was out in the kitchen faster than her daughter.

"How old is she?"

"She'll be eight in December," Sam said. "She'll also go into her 17th identity in June. April Collins isn't even one of those."

"I'll do it," Jenna stated then.

"I knew you would," Sam said. "It's her, isn't it? The reason that made up your mind."

"Yeah. She seems like a nice kid. I can't begin to understand what lengths you've had to go to raise her like that. There's only one thing I need to know."

"Shoot."

"What happens if we lose?"

"I'll go to jail for treason, most likely."

"And Parker?"

"Hopefully, she'll end up with her dad."

"What about me?"

"Well, you are just my lawyer. If there's a need you can blame it on me. I have set a failsafe, and have the instructions ready if that's the case. I don't need anyone else taking the fall if things go south."

"Okay."

"What's that sweet smell?" Jordan said joining them rubbing the sleep out of his face.

"It's about time you joined us, Jnerd." Sam grinned. "Jenna is making waffles."

"Jnerd?"

"That's the nickname she uses to call me," Jordan grinned. "Waffles… I knew there was a reason for me to come!"

"Actually, there will be a better reason, too," Sam grinned. "I need you to entertain Parker, as I explain some more to Jenna. Some of it is classified and I have nothing that would grant you clearance."

"After all I did… I still can't know about the aliens?" Jordan joked, not even knowing how close he was to the truth. Sam just laughed.

"Wouldn't you like to know that!" Sam chuckled. "You think you can handle my daughter?"

"I think I can manage," Jordan grinned.

**Thursday, April 16, 2009**

Jack was regretting going down to the mess hall for lunch. SG-1 had just returned from a mission the previous day. Daniel had asked him to join him for lunch. So wanting to get away from the paperwork that menaced to drown him, Jack had taken him up on his offer.

It had been months since he'd started working under the mountain again. No matter how much it reminded him of old times, things had changed a helluva lot. There was no pending doom, no Goa'ulds, no replicators, bugs, or human-like, not even Ori's. Yes, Atlantis was still facing their issues. Plus, they'd never quite figured what the hell happened with the people on that base after the wormhole had connected. Yet, things were peaceful around the SGC.

If someone knew it was him. That he had to deal with the many treaties and cooperative issues after finding several planets that used to produce ships for the Goa'uld. Along with other, more interesting issues.

But that wasn't just it. It was that SG-1 was comprised of two Colonels, Daniel, and two aliens. The JCS had approached him about splitting them into two groups. Giving Janet the command of SG-1, taking Teal'c and Vala with her, and giving Mitchel two more officers and Daniel. Jack shook his head.

Vala had definitively changed the dynamics of the base. For some reason, he thought Sam would get along nicely with the alien woman.

"I can't… I don't understand how you and Sam could keep it together for so long, Jack." Daniel had whispered.

It was widely known that once on Earth, Vala could not keep her hands off of Daniel. There were some worries since he was a civilian contractor and supposedly, he was under the same rules as everyone else inside the base. Worries that were calmed easily since Vala wasn't a contractor. Not officially, at least.

"It's not the same situation, Daniel," Jack sighed.

They'd created some papers to allow Vala to move around in case they needed her somewhere, just like with Teal'c. But just like T, she was and wasn't an official member of the base. She wasn't really bound to remain there if she didn't want. Hammond had paved the way for T's freedom, and Jack just dropped Vala on top of the same structure.

"Things would've been different for us, if Carter'd had the same liberties than Vala has, Daniel." Jack sighed.

"You've got to let her go, Jack. It's been too long." Daniel said, but he didn't pressure him.

"Can we not go there?" Jack pleaded. Daniel shrugged.

"I'm kinda worried about Janet, though."

"What's wrong with Janet?" Jack asked.

"Well…. You know, we used to be very, hm, close. Until she joined SG-1. Things changed a bit between us…"

"Oh, for crying out loud, you and Janet, too?"

"No! It was hm, mostly platonic… I guess it was that we wanted the same thing you and Sam had or something like that. But with Vala in the midst, I'm worried that Janet'll feel I pushed her away or something like that," Daniel sighed.

"Here you are!" Vala grinned, plopping herself on the chair next to Daniel. "Who have you pushed away?" Daniel blushed. His eyes fell on Janet's frame, who was now in the line to get some food.

"Ah, our petite and mighty Doctor!" Vala grinned. Daniel groaned.

"Don't worry about her! She has a thing for muscles." Vala grinned.

Now, two days later, Jack thinks it's the fact that the comment came so out of the blue that made him agree to this. Jack growled at his image in the mirror. He still wasn't sure why he was doing this to himself. Then he remembered. It was Daniel's fault.

Daniel had suggested a date night, a _team_ date night. Jack had tried to say no, but somehow, he ended up accepting it. Grabbing his keys and wallet, he walked out of his house before he could change his mind.

"It's just a friendly gathering, it's not a date." He repeated that as a mantra, trying to get rid of the guilt that was settling in the pit of his stomach. He was, after all, a married man. His wife, he knew certainly now, was alive and somewhere around Earth trying to get back to her previous life.

The restaurant was a fancy one. The guilt became a huge knot as he walked inside. How had he ended up accepting a blind date? He wondered again. He found his crew. Jack couldn't help the slight curve on the tip of his lips as he saw Janet seating a bit too close to Teal'c. Vala was already on Daniel's lap.

Then there was Mitchel, with a woman he supposed was his date, leaving only a brunette seating next to the empty chair that he assumed was his.

"Jack! You're finally here!" Daniel grinned. The brunette, he learned soon enough, was Janet's friend and had nothing to do with scientists or military people. She was a nurse at a children's wing. Mitchell's girl was a high school teacher. He'd picked her up at a bar six months ago, and they seemed to be growing steadier. So, with two outsiders, they would have to keep their conversation on Earth's neutral grounds.

If he was honest, Jack had more fun than he'd in ages. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd smiled that much if it wasn't with his own family. The woman was hilarious. Vala's comments were always causing issues, and the cover-ups were quick and funny.

Cameron was the first to disappear. Jack couldn't blame him. Janet had smiled, winked at him knowingly. Then she'd linked hands with Teal'c's. They said their goodbyes and left only Daniel, Vala, Charlotte, and him. Things got a bit awkward then, but his chivalrousness appeared when he offered to take Charlotte home.

Daniel gave him a knowing grin. Vala added some sassy remark that left the woman blushing furiously. They all walked out of the restaurant. Jack walked Charlotte to his truck and opened the door for her. She grinned with half heavy lids that did nothing on Jack.

He walked around the truck. After getting in, he turned the engine on. Then he realized he didn't know where she lived. "So, where do I take you?" he asked Charlotte. She smiled at him coquettishly, suckled her lower lip, and pointed him towards her house.

For once, Jack dreaded going home. To the emptiness and the ever-growing solitude. Here he was at fifty-six, driving a young woman back home. She wasn't half bad looking, but she wasn't the one he wanted.

Her hand found his over the gearshift, and he wasn't sure how to react to it. He couldn't just take his hand away because his truck had a manual transmission. "I always loved a man who could drive stick," Charlotte said. "It says a lot about how they can do things with their hands, even when their minds are concentrated on something else."

Jack frowned. If he was years younger and single. He would've taken her wherever she wanted and shown her exactly how good he was with his hands. Especially when his mind was set on it. She was, after all, young and good looking, smart and funny, but she wasn't…

"Third on the left, that's my house." She said. Bringing him out of his thoughts by moving her hand from the gearshift to his thigh. She launched herself forward as soon as he parked. She kissed him. Her lips moved on top of his, only to stop in confusion when he didn't answer. "I thought you liked me," she said.

"You are a great kid, Charlotte."

"I'm not a kid. I'm thirty-five." Jack gulped; four years younger than Sam.

"You're way too young."

"Who cares? You're hot. Janet said you're a good guy too. So, just come in with me. Let's have sex and then you can leave. I won't tell her a thing and we'll both have our needs taken care of."

"You need to get down of this truck. Now." Jack said. His already cool browns becoming cold. She shook her head and walked away. Still, he waited until she was inside before he drove away.

He couldn't believe he'd kissed another woman. He couldn't believe he'd betrayed Sam like that. The guilt only became worse when he drove down the street for a few blocks to find he was in his old neighborhood. His house was dark and looked exactly like how he had left it.

He shook his head. He had so many memories attached to that house. He parked in front of it and lowered his head to the wheel. He remembered several times when he'd found Sam in that same position. As she'd waited for Teal'c and Daniel to arrive for team nights.

In the beginning, he was kinda hurt she didn't want to be alone with him. But then he understood. She was fighting with herself. Fighting the same battle he was fighting. Wanting someone he couldn't have.

"The story of our lives," he huffed.

He looked at the house once more, remembering the many times she was there. Standing in his yard next to the grill. Turning the fireplace on. With her head inside the fridge, as she grabbed bottles for all of them to drink. Standing awkwardly around as they mourned a not lost Daniel. Sitting on his countertop as they talked about anything while he made them all omelets after having spent the entire night watching movies and making fun of a drunk Daniel.

His eyes blurred. Would she forgive him if she knew about tonight? He gulped as her naked form filled his mind, snuggled up to his chest, and covered in his bedsheets. He remembered the warmth of her body. His memory told him that during that week together he'd breathed her in so many times. Yet, he couldn't for the life of him, remember what she smelled like.

He couldn't remember how soft her skin was or how blue her eyes were. He knew that there was one smile that could make any day a bright one, but he couldn't remember what it looked like. Clenching his jaw, he cried.

He didn't know for sure how long he remained parked in front of his old house. The first rays of light were filtering in when he arrived home. Feeling utterly drained, guilty and alone, he dragged himself to bed. All the way, trying to remember what she felt like in his arms and only managing to pile up further the burden of having forgotten her.

The little things are always the ones you forget first… But it was so long now that he couldn't for the life of him, remember her real self. Not the one from pictures and videos.

As he drifted to sleep, he wondered if he would recognize her after all the time that they'd been apart.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 50s! Or maybe not...

**Sunday, July 12, 2009**

They were packing once more. They had gotten so damn good at packing that it only took them a half a day to have everything boxed and ready to go. P was now about to become Grace Miller and Sam, Erin.

However, before they could take on their new lives, they were going to Wisconsin to meet Jenna, who was also in the mists of changing names. Inside the Wisconsin compound walls, there were ten rescued families and four single people living their new lives, and they deemed it the current middle ground.

The Carters had packed everything, uprooted themselves with ease, and started their way to the compound. Once they arrived, there were some mutterings going on as they walked inside the place. Somehow people recognized her, and Sam wasn't ready for that.

The plan was for them to only be there only for the week. Then, they would all part ways to different areas of the country. Limiting their communications to online only. This face-to-face time was done for Jenna's sake. So, she could interrogate Sam and see if there was anything that could bite them in the ass. The results of that interrogation could complicate things beyond extremes.

So far, Jenna had learned a lot of things. The respect she had for Sam grew exponentially, every time she explained something more about the world they were living in.

After planning things alone for so long, Sam had a hard time letting go of pieces of information. She found it difficult to let go until it was needed. She trusted in Jenna, really, but the issue was her mind that didn't want to share control.

"I think you're a bit too paranoid," Jenna said, after a particularly hard interrogation. Sam chuckled dryly.

"They have videos of all of us having sex with our loved ones," Sam answered. "They took these videos from inside our homes, inside our bedrooms and bathrooms. None of the rescued people understands how inexistent their privacy was the months prior to their 'chosen' departure. I've seen things that would make anyone paranoid. I'm not even counting what I did for a living before they forced me out."

"About that… What did you do?"

"I was a USAF Major, part of a team inside Cheyenne mountain complex. We've been through this. What I did inside that base isn't relevant."

"Look, I know you don't really trust me, but you need to trust someone. I know you'll provide me with all the information I need. The case we have so far is solid. I'm surprised you're holding it back until further notice. There's no way you can lose."

"Oh, there are plenty of ways." Sam grimaced. "Too many dirty people. I brought that list for you to entertain yourself later." She said giving her a thumb drive.

"I'll check it. Will you take a piece of advice from me? Find someone you can talk about this. Someone who won't tell a soul. You'll be better off to find someone who is bound to secrecy. I can offer you that, but I know you won't take me up on it… Find someone. It's for your own good, and Parker's…. And maybe even for our case, you know, sometimes restless minds are prone to fail."

"I'll think about it," Sam said.

**Wednesday, July 15, 2009.**

"Ah! Colonel Davis. Just the man I was needing!" Hayes grinned. He waved the rest of the people out of his office.

"Sir."

"I was revisiting our secret woman's career. I don't know quite how, but I need her as a Colonel."

"What?"

"I'm sure she would've been one by now, anyway. I was thinking that in order to avoid her having to worry about the chance of being charged with treason or espionage, she needs to still be in the Air Force. I know she technically was still in when she was forced into hiding and up until she died. So, I need you to add some files where we ordered her to take this assignment and try to find out what's been going on behind my back. "

"Sir, I'm not sure you can do that."

"I'm sure I can't, but I know there must be a way. I'm not even sure what she's doing, Davis. However, for what she's sent us as evidence, she has been doing a helluva lot of work managing people. That's what we want from our Colonels. Right?"

"I guess. I'll see what I can do about it, sir."

"Great. So why were you here?"

"Ah… Just to let you know I'll be heading to Colorado Springs in two days. I need to see if I can use people from the safe list to check out something for me."

"Okay. You can add General Landry and Cameron Mitchell to that list. Keep me posted. And Davis… Avoid General O'Neill as much as you can."

"I'll try, sir." Davis stopped then, "Sir? Can I ask why we're so keen on keeping General O'Neill out of the loop?"

"She asked us to, Davis."

"Do you know why?" Paul asked. He hated keeping O'Neill in the dark when he knew how much he cared for Sam. Hayes sighed.

"As you're aware, I have some inkling as to where she's heading with this. But she hasn't exactly told me why she's so adamant on Jack being 'clean'. What I figure is… that he'll be needed as some sort of character witness. You know, as her last known CO. I'm guessing she knows about that resignation letter and those other things you've mentioned them doing during that week…"

"Right, so if someone goes digging, they won't find him among the names that will be brought out. I guess it makes sense."

"That's what I think too, but… I really don't know if that's what she's thinking. Or what she's thinking at all… I just hope this whole thing doesn't blow up on our faces, Davis."

"Me too, sir."

**Thursday, July 16, 2009**

Sam had thought about what Jenna said for a long time. She'd laid awake in her assigned room wondering if Jenna and Jordan were right. If she truly needed to find someone she could talk to.

"But who?" She wondered. Who could she call that would provide her what she needed?

'A priest, a psych, a lawyer…' Jordan had said to her several times. Sam stood up and brought her laptop to bed. She searched for the number she needed, and for once fell asleep feeling a bit lighter.

**Friday, July 17, 2009**

"Davis," Jack said as he bumped into the Colonel.

"Sir."

"Whatcha doing around here? I thought Hayes forbid you to come around here, or anywhere near me for that matter."

"Ah, I needed a word with General Landry, sir."

"Davis…"

"Yes, sir?" The man asked.

"It's there any new clues about my…. Investigation?"

"None that I can give you, sir." Davis grimaced.

"Did she contact you?" Jack asked, his voice not even above a whisper.

"Not directly, sir. I've had some requests related to her, but that's it. I never spoke to her."

"I see. Go ahead, Colonel. Landry's in his office. I'm heading back to mine. Tell Hayes I said hi."

"Will do, sir."

**Sunday, July 19, 2009**

It's a Sunday when Daniel and Cam get to the place Davis asked them to check out. They don't really know why they're here. What they do know is that Davis asked them to go there and check this place out for him.

There was a mention of him trusting in them more than in anyone else he knew that had made Cameron feel proud. The place was a compound that made Daniel think about the several that he'd been during the Goa'uld times.

The only thing Davis told them was that people were complaining about weird activities happening there. Families joining this place out of the blue. The fact that Vala and Janet were out of rotation because of injuries sustained in their last mission, helped convince them both to go.

"This looks so odd," Cameron said and rung the bell. He was sure they wouldn't allow them in, anyway. But the door was opened, and a smiling woman welcomed them in with no traces of doubt or worry.

There were several houses and buildings on a large piece of land. There were kids playing baseball and soccer. Some teenagers were inside a pool and some other suntanning. Daniel frowned.

"So, who sent you?" the woman asked, a knowing smile on her face.

"Ah, we are with the USAF," Cameron said. The woman grinned.

Every person living half-hidden inside the walls of that compound knew they needed to appear as normal as they could. Everyone knew that if someone recognized any of them. That family would need to move and change their names just like they would if they remained inside witness protection.

No one wanted that.

"USAF. That's a new one," she chuckled. "We keep explaining to our neighbors that nothing wrong happens here, as you can see. It's just a community created to work together."

"It looks like there are more people than housing," Daniel replied.

"Ah, no, most of the youngsters you see are just friends of our kids."

"Do you mind if we look around?" Cameron asked.

"Not at all." She grinned. Then she remembered about the women who had arrived a week earlier and were leaving soon. "If you see people leaving, don't worry, they just came to visit family."

"I see, thanks."

"Not a problem."

They were wandering around the place when Daniel spotted her. He was too far away to see the fine details of her face. He knew who she reminded him of without needing to be in front of her. The young-looking version of Samantha Carter was not something Daniel had expected to find in this place.

The girl was sitting on a bench in a garden, looking up towards the sky. Her legs, despite being long enough to reach the floor, were dangling in a similar way that Sam used to dangle hers whenever she sat waiting for too long. How he still remembered that surprised him.

Then the girl turned her face to the other side. Daniel moved a bit as he noticed she was smiling. He followed her line of sight and seethed.

She might have been dead and gone, pretty much lost to the world. Yet, he still could recognize the woman he'd considered almost a sister. No matter how thinner she was or how long her hair was, but that wasn't it. He knew she was alive after all. The problem was that she'd so willingly walked into a man's embrace.

The tall, lean, kinda scruffy looking, redheaded man had pulled her close. He'd tugged her in lovingly, keeping her in a tight embrace, before he planted a sweet kiss on Sam's cheek. Then Sam nodded, and they untangled from each other.

The man then walked towards the kid, and the kid jumped to meet him halfway. Despite the tall frame of the girl, he still kneeled so she could hug him tightly. He stood up afterward, ruffled her hair. Finally, he walked to a car that was nearby before he turned the engine on. The two blondes waved as he drove away.

Sam and mini-Sam exchanged a sad smile, linked their hands, and walked to a second car that was filled with stuff in the back and they too drove away.

In Daniel's mind, there was no denying that he'd just seen a family saying goodbye.

"Jackson? Earth to Jackson!" Mitchell called, patting his shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Daniel blinked. He was too astounded by what he saw. He was too surprised and too damn hurt. Not only for what he'd just witnessed but by the fact that Jack was still clinging to her. When she'd clearly moved on.

"I found nothing weird, what about you?" Daniel shook his head.

"No, nothing. Let's go."

**Sunday, July 19, 2009**

Sam wouldn't tell a soul, but she found that Jordan had been right after all. She'd needed to talk to someone. She had needed some sort of human connection, and she needed to share her burden with someone she trusted completely.

Three days earlier, she had given in and called a priest. He was the only person she could think of that by talking to her, wouldn't put himself in danger.

Connor O'Neill arrived a day later. He wasn't shocked when he found out his sister-in-law was alive. It was a dead giveaway for Sam that Jack had also confessed with his brother.

Now, for Connor, the child was a surprise.

However, by the way the child acted, a lot like him, and by extension Jack, he was quick to figure out who the girl was. There were mannerisms that were too O'Neill for the kid not to be one. The dates also added up. Connor was sure that Parker Carter was in fact Parker O'Neill, a product of the one week her parents had to spend together.

Sam had allowed him to speak with Parker, too. Once the girl decided she was done talking. Sam took him into a room and asked him if he was willing to listen to her story. She apologized, too, for placing the burden of knowing she was alive, and that Parker existed on his shoulders.

Just like with Jack, Connor smiled and nodded.

"If you need someone to talk, talk. If you need a confession, then I'll listen to that too." Connor said. With a smile that was so much like Jack's that she had to take a deep breath.

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned," Sam said then. Connor just shook his head. They were too alike, Sam and Jack, they deserved more than what the cards had dealt them. They deserved to be together. To raise the lovely kid that was ecstatic to speak with him.

For the following hours, she had let go of bits and pieces of what was going on. Of all her fears and worries. Of how she was terrified of things going wrong. How she feared she would screw up. That they would find her before she could out them.

Connor listened to her in silence, awed by the strength of the woman he'd only met for one short day. He, however, was not surprised by her actions. When he'd listened to his own brother talking about her in a way that told him not only how deeply Jack loved her, but how much he respected her.

Now, as the last hours inside the compound ticked by, Sam found herself fighting with her softer side. After finally being able to speak to someone she didn't quite know but was Jack enough to allow herself to break down in front of him. She was facing the issue of letting him go.

She walked to him, and he opened his arms. She clung to him because he reminded her too much of Jack. A few treacherous tears ran down her face as he tugged her close as Jack would. Connor understood exactly where her tears and clinginess were coming from. She wasn't losing him, her brother-in-law, no… She was saying goodbye to Jack all over again.

"Take good care of her," Connor whispered. Sam nodded.

"With my life," Sam said, giving him a teary smile. He placed a kiss on her cheek, and she gulped.

"Be good for you mom, okay?" Connor said, kneeling in front of Parker.

"Always." P answered. Not knowing that was the vow her parents used for each other all the time. Sam took a deep breath after hearing that word. Connor stood up, ruffled P's hair, and waved to them before he walked to his car and drove away.

They both waved their goodbyes until he was out of their sights. Sam turned slightly to check on her daughter. They exchanged sad smiles.

"Let's go, P. We have a lot of miles to cover," Sam said. Linking their hands and giving Parker's hand a reassuring squeeze.

They walked to their car and started the drive to their next life. They were so immersed in their own pains and struggles that they never saw Daniel watching them.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure this won't surprise you ... that much ... or maybe it will ... #notQuiteSoEvilGrin

**Wednesday, August 19, 2009**

Jack frowns and looks at his empty office. He checks his email, his phone, his memos, and frowns. He checks his calendar and strains his brain to remember when was the last time that Daniel had come up to his office. Even if it was to annoy him non-stop, or to search for him with an invite to lunch, or dinner. He hadn't even just dropped by with a much-needed mug of coffee.

He's quite surprised to see that it's been a month since the last time he even saw Daniel. It wasn't a rare thing before when he was in DC and his friend was in Colorado. No matter how close they were now, this was still different.

Things were different now than they had space and time flowing between them. They were still different now that they were not only in the same city but the same base. Since that group date thing, they'd constantly meet at least every two or three weeks to catch up. To bring him out of his cave, Daniel had called it. They hadn't tried to fix him up with anyone else. Thanks to Janet's friend not so politely way of referring to him and his own I-told-you-so look.

He checked his watch again. Then he checked the SGC roster. Surely, SG-1 was in town and they were on shift.

"Weird." Jack shook his head. "Maybe space monkey lost all track of time with all those rocks they've been bringing back." He excused his friend.

Still, something was off. Locking his computer, Jack stood up, stretched his tired frame, and walked out of his office. He dismissed the people who still stood up whenever he walked in or out of the place. He got himself to the second checkpoint.

Then, after signing himself in, he went down to level eighteen. Jack hoped he would find Daniel in his lab. He wasn't sure why he wanted to find him, but his gut told him he had to.

"You need to tell him, Daniel." The thick walls muffled Janet's already lowered voice. "He deserves to know."

"What do I tell him, huh? How do I tell him something like that, Janet?" Daniel answered with a sigh. Jack stopped just outside the doors.

"I don't know! All I know is that we can't all keep hiding from him. Just because you don't have the guts to tell your best friend what you saw." Janet pointed out.

"You could tell him…" Daniel said. Janet chuckled.

"Tell him what? Look, General… I need to tell you what Daniel thinks he saw and the conclusions he came to?"

"I don't think I saw it. I saw it!" Daniel mumbled.

"I could break it to him. This news you have, if you tell me what it is." Jack said entering the room.

"Ja-Jack." Daniel stuttered.

"Sir!" Janet said with wide eyes. Teal'c looked at Jack with the same look he used to give Sam. Whenever he was witness to Jack and Daniel bickering like an old married couple.

"I believe you need to know what Daniel Jackson believes he knows," Teal'c stated.

"Daniel?" Jack tried again.

"I-I…"

"We will leave you both alone," Teal'c pointed out. He gave Janet a slight nod so she would get out of Daniel's lab. "You know where to find me if you need someone to speak with afterward." Teal'c offered before he walked out, closing the doors behind him.

"I was right! You have been avoiding me! What the hell is going on Daniel?" Daniel sighed, plopping himself back on his chair.

"You might need to sit for this one, Jack." The General raised his eyebrow questioningly but did as his friend requested. "I'm not sure you know about this, but a month ago Davis came by. He requested Mitchell and me to check out a place for him. He said he believed it was nothing, but he couldn't risk sending anyone else."

Jack clenched his jaw, "so that's what he was doing here!" he mumbled. "What did you find?"

"Nothing really. It was a compound... a community of sorts, with several houses and several families sharing it. We checked the place but found nothing at all that would require USAF intelligence to intervene."

"Then? What's the issue?"

"When we asked to check out the place, they mentioned that we might see people leaving the compound. The woman who told us this also mentioned they were there visiting family."

"Is there a skip intro option?" Jack sighed, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Jack… I saw Sam." Daniel said. Jack's head was up and looking at him faster than Daniel thought was humanly possible. He held his gaze for a second and then lowered his eyes as if ashamed.

"How did she look? What did she say?" Jack asked, his heart beating wildly in his chest. His voice sounding way calmer than he was feeling.

"Nothing. I mean, I only saw her from a distance." He said.

'Should I bring the child into this conversation?' Daniel thought. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go as far as to tell him she hadn't only moved on, but she had a kid. He didn't want to be the one sticking the knife straight into his heart. Not when Jack was finally getting back to be the guy he once knew. Not quite happy, but at least a little less depressed.

"Did she look okay?"

"I guess…."

"Daniel..." Jack sighed. "I'm a big boy, what aren't you telling me?"

"She…" Daniel sighed, "I think she moved on, Jack." He added, looking at him for a second then lowering his head again.

"What makes you think that?"

"I saw her embracing a man, Jack." Daniel shook his head disappointedly. "He kissed her, Jack! Granted, it was only on the cheek, but you know how private she was. She… She clung to him as if her life depended of him. It looked like they'd known each other long, judging by how… _comfortable…_ she seemed." Daniel said.

"Did she see you?"

"No. I was so surprised to see her that I couldn't even move from my spot. I've been kicking myself every day since then. I should've intruded, I should've asked. Maybe we'd know more." Jack hummed. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you so sure she moved on?" Jack asked. "A kiss on the cheek could mean anything." Daniel stopped himself from telling him he thought she had a daughter. One that had also clung to the man in the same familiar way Sam had.

"I just know it, Jack. It was obvious."

"Okay," Jack said. "Anything else?"

"Okay? What?" Daniel asked, confused by Jack's reaction.

"You think you saw Sam embracing a guy. So, of course, that means she moved on. I get it." Jack mumbled. Daniel frowned.

"Aren't you, I don't know…. Disheartened? I didn't break your heart with this?"

"Daniel… my heart has been broken for so long, that it doesn't really make a damn difference." He huffed. "Is that all?"

"I guess…"

"Will you stop hiding from me now?"

"I guess so…" Daniel frowned.

"Daniel, we've been through a helluva lot together. You've been there for me when I needed it. I've tried to be there for you too, I'm sure I did a lousy job at it, but you've been there, anyway. I know this wasn't exactly an easy thing. It surprised if Daniel to drop on me. I know we're friends and that you care for me. So, please. The next time something is eating you up and has to do with me… Just drag your sorry butt to my office or my house and tell me about it. Okay?"

"Yeah. I should've brought this up sooner. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Wanna grab some coffee? Maybe there's cake to lift us up," Jack shrugged.

If Daniel was surprised as to how nonchalantly Jack seemed after the discussion. He didn't mention it. He knew Jack was a private person. The archeologist knew Jack would need a private place to dwell on it and even mourn the relationship that never was.

Turns out, Daniel was right. Behind his cooler facade, Jack was crumbling inside. After the coffee, he spent the afternoon engrossed in the same paragraph of the same file without even noticing. An hour or two later, he decided that it was stupid to remain on base. When he was sure as hell wouldn't be able to get any shit done.

He got home. To the emptiness of his house and didn't even bothered to turn the lights on. He made a beeline for the bathroom. He turned the shower on and cried. Jack couldn't believe Sam would've moved on. His mind fought against that very notion.

_'It was just a kiss on the cheek'_ , _'maybe she needed some comfort_ '. Along with explanations for the actions Daniel had seen, his treacherous mind told him there was a chance that what Daniel had said was… True.

" _She moved on, Jack. I saw her embracing a man. He kissed her. It looked like they'd known each other long_ ," Daniel's words played through his mind on repeat. Torturing him, paining him. 'She wouldn't move on, would she?' he thought.

"Fuck! You can't even say you know, Jack! You don't even know her anymore…. Why wouldn't she move on?" He mumbled.

Jack shook his head. Walking out of the shower and dressing quickly. He'd vowed he wouldn't drink himself to oblivion after those first days when she had disappeared of his life. But now… She was breaking his heart all over again, not even being there.

"Fuck, Sam! Can't you let Davis know if you have? Or Hayes? Can't you spare me the pain if you did? I'll take a goddamned call from that nerd guy you send to us once!" Maybe that's the guy Daniel saw. Maybe the young man had become a lot more to her than he had foreseen. To think he had called him to ask her to have faith in them.

He looked at the image of Sam he'd printed from her first video. Where she was wearing his ring and smiling at him, eyes filled with love. He shook his head and placed the picture back in its hiding place. He was still feeling somewhat guilty over that thing with Janet's friend. He still had the weight of the world over his shoulders. Knowing that this Sam, the one in the videos, SGC footage, and pictures they'd taken in the few years they'd shared as a team, was the only one he kept remembering.

The one that had spent a week with him. Being the free-loving woman she was, had slipped through his memory a long time ago.

"To hell with this…" he mumbled, pressing his hand against his pained chest. He walked out of his room, grabbing his wallet, keys, and drove away. Searching for the fanciest bar he could find in Colorado Springs. One where he knew junior officers wouldn't even try to get in.

He didn't need anyone from base knowing just how miserable he was. Although, he suspected most of them already knew. Not all of them, but the ones that had been there, way before his life had become shit. Parking a few spots away from the entrance, Jack went in.

"Give me the strongest thing you have," he instructed the bartender. The disheartened General made himself comfortable on the bar. "And keep 'em coming"

The more he drank, the easier his mind could conjure up images of Sam with another guy. Certainly, he wouldn't blame her if she did. He knew anyone would be a better man for her than he was. He was so unworthy of someone like her. He was too fucked up. He knew, with no shades of doubt, that anyone could give her what she needed better than him.

A second glass was placed in front of him, and he downed it in one take. Asking for more. The bartender shrugged, filling his glass once more.

Jack huffed, maybe it was her biological clock that had finally overcome her feelings. Maybe she'd moved on if only to fulfill the part of her wishes that he wouldn't be able to give her after all the time they'd lost. She was healthy, but her screwed up chemistry would only add to issues conceiving, or so Janet had theorized back then. Most women had that niggling feeling of wanting to be mothers, nurtured into them. Maybe she'd it too.

At least her maternal instincts were on point with Cassie, and every child they'd encountered in their travels. Yeah, that might be it. There was no escape from time. Sam was already forty and there wouldn't be a shit he could do to fulfill that dream if they took much longer to get her back. If he was honest, he didn't even know if getting her back could ever be a reality.

He lowered his empty glass on the counter again, clenching his jaw tightly. He felt a soft caress on his shoulders and looked up to the mirror in front of him.

"Hey, there." The woman grinned. Jack had to blink to separate her from the image of his wife. She was tall, lean, blonde, and no matter how brown her eyes were. It was her smile that confused the hell out of him.

Was Sam's smile like hers? Or was his mind playing tricks on him? He found her smile mesmerizingly attractive. Achingly similar to Sam's.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked.

"It's still a free world," he mumbled. She giggled.

"A free world, huh? Most people would go with a free country."

"Same shit," Jack shrugged. "Lot's of people die to keep it like that. There's plenty of blood and sacrifice ignored, so people can come up and sit beside me. Even if there are another ten free stools further away."

"Aren't you just fun?" The woman grinned.

"Well, you know me," He frowned. Did she? She giggled.

"Sure. I know you." She answered. "Whats brings you here tonight?"

"Alcohol, of course," Jack said raising his glass.

"Ah, I see."

"Are there any more reasons to come?"

"Alcohol sounds fine by me."

"Then why aren't you drinkin'?" She chuckled again.

"Because you haven't offered."

"Hey, bring the lady a drink, will ya?" The bartender looked at the woman beside him, smiled knowingly at her, and waited for her instructions.

"I'll take what he's having." She said. A second glass appeared in front of her and she took a sip. "Whoa, what's this?"

"A quadrupled distilled whiskey. 92% alcohol. It goes straight to your head. I just love it." Jack said downing another one.

"I can tell," she said, taking a second, smaller sip. He asked for another one, but the bartender looked at him worriedly.

"Sir, I'm not sure you should take more. I'll have to hold the keys of your car and get you a cab when you want to go."

"Can you drive a stick?" Jack asked, turning sideways to look at the woman. A mischievous smile appeared on her face. "It's that a yes, Carter?"

"Of course," she answered, not even wincing at the name.

"Then bring me another! She'll drive me home when we want to go."

Jack didn't know how long he'd been there or how many glasses he'd had. He could barely stand by himself as he pushed the keys of his trucks towards her. He slurred a 'take me home now, Carter'.

She exchanged a glorious smile with the bartender as he closed the tab. Jack offered him his card. She stood up then, and he clung to her shoulders. It took them a while to get to his truck. A bit more for him to be able to give her directions.

"Of course, you don't know where it is! I've moved since the last time you were here." He slurred, telling her to turn right at the next street. With a lot of trial and error, she finally parked in front of his house. She helped him in. Once inside, he pressed her against the wall and kissed her senseless.

"I love you, Sam," he mumbled. She smiled at him.

"Let's get you to bed," she said. He nodded and started to walk towards his room.

She had seen broken people before, but this guy was on a whole different level. She wondered who this Sam was, and why wasn't she around. At least, she assumed it was a she since he was calling her like that. There weren't frames or pictures that could explain it for her.

"Here we are…" she said, dropping him on the bed. "Let's get you all settled."

"Stay, please. Don't leave me... Please… Not again," Jack mumbled, and her heart broke for him.

"I won't go anywhere." She said as she sat on the bed next to him. He kissed her once more and sighed sadly afterward.

"You aren't her. I miss her. She's my life. My whole fucking life."

"Where is she?"

"Dunno. Daniel said she moved on. I just can't believe she would."

"Why?"

"We went so many years just as friends so we wouldn't ruin our careers. Then everything went to hell. Now, I'm alone. I don't know how to let her go. I can't let her go."

"You think she's happy?" she asked.

"I hope she is."

"Then hold on to her until you know for sure. Who knows, maybe she's just as miserable as you are."

"Are you?" he asked.

"Aren't we all?"

"I guess we are…" He mumbled. That was the last thing he said before he finally blacked out.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes!?

**Thursday, August 20, 2009**

Sam frowned. There was an alert coming from Jack's account. At first, she'd felt conflicted about having that alert on his account. After a while, she'd convinced herself it was for the greater good. She'd kept it in case there were some odd transactions that could point to an attempt of getting rid of him.

She knew he wouldn't sell himself. He'd plenty of chances, and he'd never taken them. She was sure unless it was related to either her, his family, or his closest friends that there wasn't enough money in the world to buy off Jack O'Neill.

It didn't stop them from trying, though. She also knew that completing fake transactions were part of the tools they'd used to get rid of people before. It was part of the same tools they were using to get rid of the judge she needed out. Without knowing, she was the one feeding them information so they would.

There was little difference between what they did and what she was doing. She was feeding truths back to them, pointing out flaws and possible points of failure. Then, she saw the movement happening, as they were preparing to get the judge out of his position.

She shook her head. She was dead tired. It was barely one a.m., but she'd pulled an all-nighter the night before. That didn't matter, the alert was on Jack's account and that couldn't be a good sign. So, pushing her tiredness aside, she rubbed her eyes and walked over to her computers.

Quickly stroking the keys, she connected to what she needed and frowned. It was a $1200 dollar bill from a bar in downtown Colorado Springs. She googled the place and found out it to be one of the highest scale bars there. Definitively not Jack's style. Clenching her jaw, she wondered if his card had gotten stolen. She concentrated on trying to figure out how to get into the place.

She found their web page and grinned. It was a fancy restaurant with a non-secured page that lead her to easy access to their server. "Who keeps their servers connected to the web nowadays?" she wondered out loud.

On a different drive, Sam found out there was security footage. She checked to see if there was one with him on it. She found one that placed strategically by the bar. With the data she had from the transaction, she moved through the video to the time closer to it.

Her heart broke when she saw him.

There was a blonde sitting close to him. She rewound the recording until she saw the seat empty. Playing it again, she saw Jack enter the bar and down his first glass in one swift motion. A couple of glasses later, the blonde woman joined him.

Stopping the footage, she took a screenshot of the woman's face.

Then she continued watching it until she saw him stumble, trying to stand. Passing his card to the bartender, and then him getting it back. She saw her Jack drop his weight heavily on the woman as they walked out of the bar.

"Suck it up, Sam. He has every right to move on. You asked him to do that! You set him free." She mumbled to herself. It didn't help with the pain.

There was something off. She had seen nothing that would point to Jack moving on. Connor hadn't mentioned Jack moving on. Instead, he'd told her that Jack was still honoring his word and waiting for her.

"So… What changed? Who is this woman?" she muttered.

Then, she copied over the footage for the timeframe he was in there. She deleted their copy of it. Just in case someone was trying to blackmail him. Her gut told her something was wrong, but there wasn't much more than she could do. In the morning, she would ask Jordan to get someone to figure out if there were offline backups that could still contain him.

She also moved the screenshot of the woman to another server. She fixed it the best she could and then uploaded it to a database. She knew she needed to strain their hardware far beyond its capabilities. That she needed to concentrate only on Colorado Springs' population to start, would at least reduce the amount of data that it would need to process in order to find who the hell this woman is.

Shaking her head, she started the facial recognition software she had been developing. Hoping it would work, she set an alarm in case it found something. Then she dragged herself to bed.

That she knew her Jack was most likely being driven home by a hot-looking woman was weighing heavily on her mind. A bar, alcohol, hot pick up usually meant more than a drive home. She couldn't help but imagine him gloriously naked as the woman tangled herself into him.

Anger raised its ugly head, but it was nothing compared to the despair she was feeling. She walked to her bathroom. Not even bothering to turn the lights on as she got undressed. She turned the water on and allowed herself to cry. Trying to distance herself away from the pain of knowing there was a very real chance that Jack was having sex with someone else. That he had another woman in his bed, and he was making love to her.

Once she felt she'd cried herself out. She'd convinced herself that all of this was her fault, after all. It was taking too damn long to get back to him. She blamed herself. For not being there to be the one in his bed. For being stuck in a life that she'd never wanted and asking him to let her go. She felt guilty enough for marrying him, knowing she would have to leave his side, possibly to never return to it. She dropped herself on her bed, still humid from her shower, not even bothering to get dressed.

Not even five hours later, her alarm went off. She rubbed her face tiredly and frowned. Realizing she'd collapsed naked, she stood up and jumped back into the shower. After she had woken up, gotten ready for the day, and fed her daughter, she pushed Parker towards her room. Telling her to finish getting ready.

Once alone, she frowned. Realizing that the alarm she'd heard that morning wasn't the one she used to wake up. She took her phone out and rushed to her office. She unlocked her computer, and her eyes widened.

Next to the picture, she had uploaded was the name and contact information of the woman Jack had picked up.

"Oh, fuck!" she said before she locked everything, and got ready to take Parker to her school.

**Thursday, August 20, 2009**

Jack woke up feeling as if a truck had run him over… Twice. His head was pounding incessantly. He couldn't for the life of him, remember how the fuck he got home. The smell of fresh-brewed coffee managed to drag him out of his bed and into the kitchen.

Stopping dead in his tracks, Jack frowned. There was a tall, lean, blonde woman in his kitchen and he had no idea how she got there. For a second, his heart was beating wildly in his chest as he thought it was his Sam coming home to him after so long away. Then she turned around and her brown eyes found his.

"Good morning," she said with a bright smile.

"Who are you?"

"Well, I could ask you the same thing. You never told me your name." She shrugged as she found two mugs and poured coffee in both. "You also owe me one grand."

"Excuse me?" Jack asked, now even more confused than before.

"I couldn't leave last night since you never paid me. That's my nigh rate." She explained. "Well, half of it at least."

"Night rate?" he frowned. "I… _We_? What the hell happened?" He asked, looking forlorn. She took pity on him.

"Well, at first I thought you would be up for a quickie. You know? You were highly intoxicated. I figured you wanted some sort of release. I thought you would drag me to the bathroom or your car, or you know, the alley… maybe even convince Louis to let us use the storage room for a bit. But that didn't happen." She said lowering a mug in front of him.

"You kept drinking and calling me Carter. Then, you simply dropped your keys in my hands and asked me to bring us home. It took us a while to get here, though. You kept driving us to another house. I guess the one you shared with her before, whoever she is."

"I can't remember a damn thing," he frowned. Embarrassed at how easily he seemed to have lost a whole damn night. The woman had the nerve to chuckle at his disgrace.

"It's not surprising at all. You drank a bottle and half of a 92% alcohol whiskey. I was surprised you didn't pass out at the bar." He groaned. "Anyhow, you wouldn't let me go. I got us here and then…." She trailed off. Jack blanched.

"We…" His eyes widened. Could he have betrayed Sam after all this time waiting for her and not even remember it?

"We didn't do shit. You kissed me, called me Sam, and told me you miss her. Get that coffee into you. I would've made some toast to go with it, but I couldn't find anything to eat. I also couldn't find your medicine cabinet. I bet you have a killer headache now."

"Killer is underestimating it," Jack mumbled, making her chuckle again. "Wait… you said I owe you one grand?"

"Yes."

"I hooked up with a prostitute?" He groaned, rubbed his face tiredly, and looked at her expectantly.

"Well, you didn't hook up with a prostitute. An escort brought you home and held you all night. There's a huge difference." She grinned as she noticed the embarrassed look he had. "Don't worry, there's no need to feel embarrassed. Over the years working like this, I've come to realize that sometimes guys just want to talk about things they can't talk about with anyone else. If they don't want to worry their spouses with something, they call me and we talk. If they want to learn new tricks to surprise their significant other, they come to me. It's more therapy than sex if you ask me." She grinned.

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. "You still owe me for the night, though. I'm giving it to you at half my usual rate, coz I think you're a good guy. Lonely as fuck, but good." He sighed and took a sip of the coffee.

"Holy Hannah! This is great!"

"Thanks. I have one really picky client who has a kink for a perfectly brewed coffee. He talks about rocks all the time too." She chuckled. "Anyhow, for the amount of alcohol you drank, I thought you might need one when you woke up."

"I feel like shit." He confessed. She walked around and stood up behind him, massaging his back softly.

"I bet. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to wake you up for work or not. You said nothing about what you do for a living. You know… just like you never mentioned your name…."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" he shouted as he checked his watch. He shook his head, rubbed his face again, and swallowed the coffee as fast as he could. "I need to get ready. I'm already late. No one will question me about it. So I can stop by an ATM, get you your money before I take you wherever you need to go."

"Sounds like a plan." She smiled.

It wasn't even ten minutes later when she was the one in shock. A General, she had picked up a fucking General!

"What?" Jack frowned. As he noticed her widened eyes and eyebrows raised in shock.

"I… Fuck!" She swore, waving towards his uniform. Jack chuckled dryly.

"Well, your job is as illegal as requesting you is. So, I think we're both pretty much screwed if one of us talks about this." He shrugged. "No matter what we did or didn't do. Come, let's get your money and get you home."

It was a little over an hour later when Jack finally parked in front of a nice-looking house. She turned to watch him.

"Well, despite the scare this morning when you showed up with your blues… I can't say I'm sorry to have met you, General O'Neill." She grinned.

She thought it was funny that she knew exactly how broken he was. That she had comforted him in ways she was sure no one had in a while. But still, she only knew his name because it was part of his uniform. She hadn't ever met someone so intriguing before.

"Look, if you ever need to talk. I'm very discreet. I guess I look like her enough that you can confuse us with the right amount of alcohol in your blood. So, hmm, here, this is my card. Call me if you ever want to talk, or you know… do something else."

"Thanks." He said, grabbing the card. "I don't know how you managed to put up with a drunk me, Robin. Somehow one grand doesn't seem enough for what you surely had to watch."

"It is. If I didn't do this for a living, I wouldn't even charge you. I think you simply needed a friend, but you had no friends you wanted to see you that broken."

"Are you sure you aren't a psych?"

"I am, but I make more money as an escort," she grinned. "Goodbye, General, and good luck with Sam."

"Thanks. I'll need it."

Jack watched her enter her house and sighed. He drove away, checking his rear mirror all the way to the base, wondering if someone had seen him drop her or pick her up. Thinking how screwed up his career would be if someone ever learned about it.

He didn't know that across the country, Sam already had deleted any clues as to what could've transpired that night. No matter how betrayed she felt, she needed him clean. No matter what he might have done or hadn't done that night…. She couldn't allow something like that to be the thing that dirtied his name.

He didn't even know she had the means to reach her. To pay for her silence, if that was what was required.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Closer to 2012 :D

**Thursday, September 3, 2009**

"What?!" Sam snapped at the video call that had interrupted her work.

_"It's everything alright?"_ Jordan asked, a confused frown on his face.

"Fuck! Jnerd, I'm sorry." Sam said, rubbing her face tiredly.

_"You look like shit. Have you slept at all?"_

"There's no time," Sam mumbled.

_"Grand Empress…."_ Jordan said in a half warning, but mostly concerned tone. _"You need to take better care of yourself. What would be the point of all this effort if you don't make it back because of exhaustion?"_

"It's nothing. Don't worry."

_"Heck, I've known you were all for working yourself to the brink of exhaustion before. But now I know you have a kid. You need to take better care of yourself for her. I understand you're doing the best you can, which it's probably more than I can imagine. However, you need to take some time off for yourself. You matter too."_

"Jnerd…" She sighed. He frowned.

_"This is related to whatever happened in that bar in Colorado Springs, isn't it? The one you asked me to send someone there to check and see if they had local copies of their surveillance?"_

She looked at him, her expression a blank mask. Truth was that since she had seen Jack leaving that bar, she had issues with sleeping. Her mind was cruel and unrelenting. Generating images of Jack and that woman tangled together. Replacing her own image from those videos she had seen far too many times, with that of the escort he'd taken home.

_"What happened there?"_ He asked softly.

"It's nothing you'd need to worry about." She answered curtly. Jordan sighed. Sometimes talking to her was close enough, like talking with a wall. "What did you need?"

_"Ah, I got a call from our Mr. President."_

"And?"

_"Haven't you seen the news?"_ Jordan asked, surprised that she hadn't known already.

"No? Give me a sec," he heard her type and then gasp. "It worked."

_"You thought it wouldn't?"_

He saw her blink several times and lean back in her chair. Sam was reading through the news. There was a scandal surrounding one of the judges, she'd wanted out. It seemed to have developed in the past few days.

"So, he wants me to call him?"

_"Yup."_

"Thanks, Jordan. Sorry I snapped up at you before."

_"No worries. We all lose it sometimes, but seriously, take a nap or something."_

"Will do… After I call him."

_"A phone was delivered to him an hour ago. I'm sending you the number by chat."_

"Great. Talk to you later."

It's hours later when she finally calls the man she needs. Hayes picks the phone up on the second ring. She hears him usher people out of the room under the pretense of her being someone important and their talk being highly classified.

It's not entirely false if he thinks about it. No one knows about her plans, not even him. Yet, it's of the utmost importance that she gets it to fruition.

_"Please tell me you've got some names lined up,"_ Hayes asks when the room is finally empty.

"I have. I'm sending you an email with all the data you might need to find them. You can have Davis check them out if you still have issues trusting me."

_"I just need their data, Major."_

"I'm not a Major anymore, sir."

Hayes chuckled, thinking of what Davis has managed to do. He couldn't just drop that on her at that point. He wanted to tell her that under the classified intelligence folders there was one coded for her. One stating she'd been working on finding the corruption inside Hayes' government since he took the office. That she had been granted the rank of Lt. Colonel without her knowing.

"I'm not even alive," She continued, completely oblivious to Hayes' train of thought.

_"Well, I know several people who have returned from death. You know a few of them too."_ Hayes said. _"So, when I get the list, is there anyone in particular we want?"_

"Any of them will do, sir. They are all clean. Not related to the Trust, and they've also proved to be very hard to buy."

_"All right, then. I'll send the names to congress as soon as I can."_ He stopped for a second. _"Anything else you need? Any message you need to be passed on?"_

That last offer made her think for a second or two. Could she use the President? Could the commander-in-chief be a messenger? To tell Jack to hold on to them? Could she burden Jack with that request? Knowing she'd asked him to let her go so many times before?

"No, sir. Nothing else for now." She added before she could regret it. "I'll talk to you soon, sir."

_"I'll wait for your call."_

**Monday, October 19, 2009**

Under the excuse of his own birthday, Jack had finally managed to get some downtime. A much-needed one since the day he woke up with a hooker in his home. "An escort," he shook his head as he drove toward his cabin.

He wasn't surprised to find it warm, well kept, and stocked. The smell of coffee and pancakes at 12 am did surprised him. That Connor was the one behind this feat, added some extra layers of weight to his already burdened shoulders.

"Jack." Connor smiled softly. For the first time since he'd been ordained, he felt the desire to betray his vows. He knew by his older brother's disheveled status that he desperately needed good news. He had it.

Connor had Sam's permission to tell Jack that she hadn't moved on, that she still loved him as much as the first day. She had requested and made him promise that it'd be on his birthday, Christmas, or their anniversary, but only if Jack brought her up. She hadn't wanted to make him think of her if he wasn't already.

Now, the one thing he hadn't gotten permission for was to mention Parker's existence. Besides, Sam had never actually mentioned that Parker was his niece.

"Connor," Jack said, plopping himself down in a chair. "Isn't it a bit late for pancakes?"

"There's never a time to get an O'Neill special," Connor grinned. "You look awful, J."

"Thanks, I feel flattered." Jack rolled his eyes. "I bet Harper and Libby will agree I look beyond shit too."

"Work?"

"Among other things, yes."

"My offer of listening always stands. You know that, right?"

"I know."

"So… Anything you want to talk to me about?" Jack rubbed his face tiredly.

"Would you believe me if I told you I picked up an escort while out drunk?" Connor's eyes widened in shock. "Yup, I bet that was my expression too when I figured she was one. I couldn't remember shit."

"What happened?"

"Daniel…" Jack sighed. "He told me… He saw Sam with another man."

Connor saw Jack clench his jaw tightly, but he never considered the other man would be himself. Still, this conversation was one day ahead of schedule. He couldn't bring Sam up or tell Jack that he'd seen her until the following day.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Jack sighed. "I had a breakdown that night, drove myself to a bar. Drunk myself into a stupor and then someone took me home. Turns out the someone was an escort, one I didn't let go of during the entire night. I don't even remember what I said to her."

"Did she say anything?" Jack shook his head.

"She said I talked about Sam and how much I love her. I tried to find her, to ask some more about what I'd said…" he rubbed his face tiredly. "She's all but vanished from Colorado. Almost like Sam."

"Huh. Did you mention that to anyone?"

"And say what? Hum, look, I kinda brought an escort home and now I can't find her? I'll be blackmailed before I could explain that I didn't know she was an escort, or that I was too drunk to consciously ask her to come home with me."

"Right. So that's part of this new set of things that are worrying you?" Connor asked.

"Of course. I mean somewhere out there, there's a woman who knows I paid for her services before she disappeared. She could come out at any point to derail my career into the ground."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I can't believe I fucked up so badly."

"Here… O'Neill's pancakes should lift your spirits up a bit."

"Connor?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"Please don't mention this to anyone. I'm ashamed enough of it at it is."

"Don't worry, I'll take that secret with me to my grave. Or your trial," he joked.

"That was such a bad joke…" Jack deadpanned.

"I've learned them from the best. Jack O'Neill, they call him." Connor grinned. Jack couldn't help but laugh.

The next day, there was a lunch in honor of Jack's birthday. But, to Connor's utter dismay, Jack didn't mention Sam at all.

**Sunday, January 17, 2010**

She'd held out enough. She'd tried to keep herself away from the situation she was about to walk into. But she couldn't keep her curiosity and pain at bay any longer.

After figuring who the woman that'd left with Jack that night so many months ago was, Sam had asked Jordan to pay her a visit with an offer that was hard to refuse. Not surprisingly, Robin Jones took it without so much as a fuss.

Jordan didn't know exactly why he was offering such a sweet deal to the woman. Especially when she seemed to be fairing pretty well on her own. But then again, most of the people they'd brought into the different compounds always had a good-looking life. Yet, all of them jumped at the offer they presented to them.

Robin Jones, however, didn't end up in a compound but with a property that was titled to her. Along with several thousand dollars under her name and some other goodies, like unlimited food supply, and medical services covered. Jordan didn't know for sure what the reasoning behind it was. That came in a different folder that was sealed when he got it and freshly sealed after Robin was done with it.

It was the same folder Sam was now holding. For this to happen, Sam had organized their next quick meeting with Jenna on the only weekend that it seemed wouldn't clash with Parker's school. They marked it as a quick drive there, let's meet and then drive back, kind of situation. But after they met, Sam asked Jenna if she would watch over Parker for a few hours. Sighing thankfully when Jenna agreed.

So, she had driven in the direction of the property that they had given to Robin Jones. Now, she'd been parked in front of the woman's house for the past ten minutes, trying to find some strength to confront her. With a deep breath, she got out of the car and walked the few feet separating her from the other woman.

"Hi, is your mother home?" Sam asked to the fifteen years old that opened the door.

"Yeah. Mom!" he shouted. The woman walked towards the entrance and stopped, frowning.

"Come in. Why I believe I finally understand why I own this?" Robin said, waving towards the house. Sam smiled. "You're _his_ Sam. Aren't you?"

"What?"

"You're here because of the clause I had to sign, aren't you?" Robin tried again. "You know, before I got this house and the means to take care of him without much of a struggle," she nodded towards the area where her son had disappeared.

"I'm… Yes."

"Why did I sign that? Why did you need so badly to keep anyone from knowing he hired me?" Sam gulped.

"His career, of course."

"Of course. Not that I haven't fucked politicians before…." Robin grinned. "Why is this one so important?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Then why are you here?" Robin squinted at her. "Unless you're his Sam and want to know what the hell happened that night."

"Let's say that hypothetically, I'm his Sam."

"Then hypothetically I would say to his Sam that he loves her dearly. That he's feeling like shit because she's not there with him. That he misses her and could notice I wasn't her. That he didn't kiss me after he realized that, and even when he'd had a full bottle and half of the strongest alcohol he could find." Sam clenched her jaw.

"What else did he say?"

"That's between him and me. I take confidentiality very seriously."

"Do you need anything else to make sure you won't tell that to anyone else?" Sam asked. Robin smiled.

"No. I have all I need." Robin said, smiling as Sam stood up.

"Okay. Thank you, then." Sam said needing to get out of that place and away from the knowing smile the woman was giving her.

"If you're his Sam. You should be with him." Robin said as Sam opened the front door. "Definitively his Sam." She smiled as she noticed how Sam rushed to her car and drove away.

**Saturday, July 3, 2010**

"You think we'll manage?" Jenna asked Sam. As they watched Parker play with Jenna's son as if it hadn't been a year since they'd seen each other. Sam raised her beer and sighed.

"We only need two more. I'm surprised the first two replacements happened so fast. I hope that by next year we'll be able to start this thing."

"Are you excited that this is finally coming together?" Sam chuckled. "What?"

"I'm scared shitless! My life experience tells me that whenever something goes as planned as this is, something always goes wrong. However, my life experience is quite… eclectic." She shrugged.

She was thinking about how dealing with mother ships, crystal technology, and alien races with no actual knowledge of how they worked, was far more stable than dealing with politics. A field she had been learning how to navigate since she was kicked out of her life.

"Huh. I wasn't expecting that answer," Jenna said, turning to look at her. "I thought you would brave on about something… You know, like you're confident this will all go all right. That we have all the variables thought through, that we won't be risking our lives showing up to a courtroom to try to get them back."

"Don't get me wrong. I'm confident in every step we've taken. If my last assignment inside the military taught me anything, it's that confidence in the plan and fear for the results can go hand on hand with no one noticing. Where you ever in the front-lines?" Sam asked, looking at the former military lawyer. Jenna shook her head.

"No. I usually just dealt with things happening inside the country. I got some TAD to a couple of vessels, but I was never amid war. Have you?"

"I've seen a lot." Sam grimaced. "Not as much as my last team saw, but when I was there… We saw enough to understand we were lucky to return home unscathed."

"Unscathed?" Jenna asked, frowning. "No PTSD?" Sam shook her head.

"I guess we all learned how to deal with it. In the beginning, when I flew during the gulf war… I used to have issues falling asleep. I would stay awake for hours trying to come to terms with the fact that I took some lives. That I killed someone's son or daughter. Someone's brother or sister," she gulped. "Someone's father or mother."

"How did you cope with it?"

"I understood that I was taking part in a war. That casualties were part of the job, that one day that could've been me." She shrugged. "I guess that's why I had so many issues finding someone to share my life with… I stopped trying after I got engaged to a special ops officer. He was crazier than I was."

"That's how she came to be?" Jenna asked, nodding towards Parker.

"God, no. He died way before her birth. I can't…" Sam sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Hey, don't worry. I know it's hard to open up when you are so used to keeping things inside. This was tremendous progress between you and me. Usually, you have issues telling me about pieces of the project. Now, you've mentioned private life. So, I'm honored you chose to speak with me."

"Thanks," Sam smiled. Sadly, the little she shared didn't help with the guilt she'd been carrying for years now.


	54. Chapter 54

**Saturday, March 12, 2011**

Sam's beyond depressed. She's been sitting by Parker's bedside for the past few days. As her kid doesn't seem to be improving. She wants so badly to send everything to hell. Pick up the phone and call Jack but, she can't.

Doing it would mean he would get to know Parker. That people might have a chance to figure out where she is and get her. That the guys holding things against them would now know that Parker exists. She could become a target, and that's not something Sam can allow to happen. Not to Jack's child.

She sighed. She'd sat beside hospital beds so often in her life that she thought an appendectomy couldn't be that bad. However, it's worse than she thought possible.

The scream Parker had let out three days earlier, right in the middle of the night, was something that would haunt Sam for the rest of her life. Right along with Jack, Daniel, Teal'c, and her own tortured screams during their several experiences under the different torture devices they'd all gotten acquainted with during the four years she'd worked at the SGC.

She'd dropped the coffee she'd just poured into her mug and rushed to Parker's room. Her baby was doubled over in pain, her face pale and sweaty. Breathing shallowly as she cried.

"P, what's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Sam had asked. Parker just kept repeating, "It hurts, mommy." Until Sam had decided that the Doctors had a better chance of figuring out what she had. It seemed like hours for her until they reached the hospital. Even if it was only ten minutes because of the late hour and the non-existent traffic.

She'd picked Parker up, rushing to the ER as fast as she could. Still, there were procedures and people in front of her. Until someone finally took pity on the way Parker was crying out in pain. They were rushed to the other side of triage and finally, Sam was pushed to the side.

"She needs an appendectomy." A short bald man had announced as they rolled Parker's bed away from her. "You'll need to fill out the forms so we can know what's going to happen once she's out of surgery. I will guide you to someone that will explain to you the risk of this surgery and the risks of not doing it." Sam blanched, but having been in worse conditions than this, she nodded.

"I'm aware of the risks, where do I sign so you can proceed?" she asked, her voice sounding way more stable than she felt.

An hour later, Sam was still waiting for someone to come get her from the waiting room. She had secured a private room for Parker's recovery. Thanking her good-ish stars that she at least could pay for one of those without any issues. But that wouldn't be used until her daughter was out of the OR and recovering from the anesthetics.

She was pacing. If there was no way she could sit still when it had been one of her teammates. Sitting still now that it was her own daughter was impossible. "Fuck, Jack. I need you so much." She mumbled, pressing her wedding ring that after all the time was still hanging from the dog tag's chain that she rarely took from her neck. Another half an hour later went by before they moved her to the recovery room, where Parker was finally rolled inside.

The grim expression on the Doctor's face told Sam that her daughter was alive, but there were some complications to face.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. We got there a bit too late. The appendix already ruptured by the time we had her ready. We went for a laparoscopy surgery, so she won't have a big ugly scar but several smaller ones. We cleaned out everything we could."

"What does it mean?" Sam frowned.

"Well, we're placing her under some antibiotics in hopes the peritonitis doesn't get worse. We will monitor her for a few days. She should be out of here in five- or seven-days tops. Go, she'll want to see you when she wakes up. We can't start the antibiotics until she's out of the anesthesia."

It took Parker another hour, and a half to finally get moved to her room. Once inside, her IV was attached to some bag that the nurse explained was the antibiotics the Doctor had requested.

That was three days, and four different antibiotics ago. Her infection wasn't receding. If she was being honest, Sam was starting to feel hopeless. Wondering if it could be related to the slightly different blood chemistry Parker most likely had. She'd even resulted to praying, if only for the hope that Parker would open her eyes for a while.

The meds were too strong for her small frame, making her sleep most of the time. The paleness was still there, and she still whimpered whenever she moved. Sam would give anything to be the one strapped to the bed.

"Don't be silly, what would've happened with Parker if it was you?" Her mind provided.

There was a knock on the door. For a second, Sam's heart went wild with the blissful lie that it was Jack and the guys. Coming to check on her as they always did back in the day. Or that Janet would smile at her, telling her everything was okay. But it was only P's doctor.

"Mrs. Buchanan." He smiled. "I have good news. Andy is finally recovering. The last results show that the infection is receding. I'll want to keep this same dosage for at least two more days before we move on to less invasive treatment. You two should be out of here by the next week."

"Thank you, Doctor." Sam smiled.

The doctor smiled back, thinking he hadn't seen someone so good at keeping it together in a long time. It made him wonder if she had some medical training herself.

"I don't mean to prod, but do you have some medical training?" Sam frowned for a second.

"Something like that," she added mysteriously.

She couldn't tell him she'd become so good at hiding her feelings. By keeping the love she felt for her husband covered by thousands of small gestures and silent conversations for years. Or by trying not to give away a thing as they tortured him or her friends in front of her if only to break her. Whoever was doing the torturing usually considered her 'the weakest link' in the team.

"Well, it's refreshing to deal with someone so composed. Don't worry, little Andy will wake up for longer periods now that her body is finally fighting this properly. I'll be back later today to check on her."

"Thank you."

Sam waited for the man to close the door behind him before she sat back in her chair and hid her face between her hands. She cried a little, thinking that, yes. It had been days since she'd last slept properly. That this was the first time she wouldn't record herself speaking alone as a wedding anniversary present. One she most likely wouldn't ever give him. However, nothing mattered more than the fact that Parker was going to be okay. She would get to see her daughter smile again soon, so much like Jack, and she would still have that ray of light to keep her sane.

"She's going to be all right, Jack." She said caressing her ring once more.

**Monday,** **August 15, 2011**

"We have an issue, sir," Davis said after Hayes' office was cleaned out of personnel.

"What issue? With what subject?"

"The SGC, sir. I just got word that General Landry will ask for his retirement."

"Well, I can't blame the man," Hayes said.

"Yes, sir, but how do we know if whoever comes in next is 'clean'?" Davis frowned and left out a sigh. Hayes grinned.

"We place someone we all trust in."

"Sir?"

"You said you got her to full bird last year, didn't you?"

"Yes, sir, but the fact is, she's still dead. These promotions won't be brought out and included in the registries until she is back in her own name. It can't happen in any other way."

"I told you she'd cleared General Landry, didn't she?"

"Yes, sir. A long while ago."

"Then I need a word with him. If we can hold him in his position for another year or less. We won't be having to deal with bringing someone from the dead ahead of time."

"Sir."

"Davis. I don't need the warning. I've thought this through. Besides, when she presents her case… if everything goes to hell. We can simply shred those documents and find someone to replace Landry for good. "

"If you're sure…." Davis trailed.

"It won't be long now. I'm sure she's just waiting for the confirmation of the last member. The name was sent two days ago. So, we might get some news from her soon."

"Sir… Your three o'clock meeting is here." His secretary announced.

"Let them in. Davis…." Hayes grinned. The younger man nodded and walked out.

To his utter dismay, they moved him towards the meeting room where the JCS were waiting. Davis's information might be already too late.

"Sirs." Hayes grinned as they all stood up and several 'sirs' were heard. "Take a seat. What's going on?"

"Sir, there are a few Generals' asking for their retirements. Before they can do so, we need to find out the best candidates to replace them."

"Do you have the shortlist?" Hayes asked. They passed a thick file to his hands, "You all know I'll need some time to go through all these candidates, right?"

"Yes, sir. The General that's in a hurry has another six months before he needs to retire."

"Great, plenty of time to read then," Hayes said, fiddling with the file.

"Sir. There's one that it's a bit worrisome."

"Which one?"

"The SGC, sir. Major General Landry has hinted before that he was close to retirement."

"Ah. So, we'll need one for the SGC, right?"

"Yes, sir. Any of them should be an almost perfect fit for the position."

"Almost fit?"

"Yes, sir. They all have enough experience with leadership positions."

"Okay. Does anyone of them have a clue of what's going on in there? Or that half the scientific stuff we have developed was thanks to that project? Do they even know anything at all about the SGC?"

"No, sir. However, there's nothing they won't be able to learn in a short term, sir. Considering General Landry had a similar background, it shouldn't be that complex to repeat."

"What if I have a candidate of my own?"

"It's up to you, sir. However, we did scrub the whole list for the right candidates."

"So, I could appoint anyone?" Hayes asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, sir."

"Then I know who I want in there."

"Sir? Do you mind if we ask who?" Hayes smirked. His eyes twinkled with the chance of fulfilling what he had announced to Davis before. Knowing that he might have a chance to one-up all the people who had placed her out of the way and hindered her career.

"Not at all, but you'll know who I'm talking about when it's time. If that's all, I'm quite sure I had a three forty-five appointment."

**Saturday, December 24, 2011**

Jack was sitting by himself inside the library of his parents' home. He'd pretended to be happy or at least content since he arrived. He'd kept it together for the kids and the not-so kids. But his heart was aching as another Christmas happened, and Sam was still missing from his side.

Sometimes he wondered if his overall sadness was going to end up giving him a heart attack. Starting after the time Sam had told him she couldn't contact him anymore. He had been feeling chest pains and shortness of breath.

He'd gotten scared once. Thinking he was having a heart attack, he'd accepted his fate then. "Old and alone, General O'Neill's body was found in his house. He leaves no family behind." He had created that headline in his mind as he fought to breathe.

After surviving that night, he'd decided to visit a civilian doctor. Hoping that if he was having some sort of heart condition, that wouldn't be enough to pull him out of his job. It was the only thing keeping him sane, after all.

"It's the broken heart syndrome," the Doctor had concluded with a sympathetic smile. "You have nothing physically wrong that could point to you having a heart attack any time soon, Jack. You're by far one of the healthiest patients I have. So, I can't help but to think that there's something subconscious that triggers this response. Have you had a bad breakup? Or did you lose someone?"

The door of the room he was in opened, bringing him out of his memories. He wasn't too surprised to find Connor entering the room.

"Hey, you're hiding again." His brother whispered, placing a comforting hand on Jack's shoulders.

"I'm not the best company," Jack shrugged. He couldn't avoid rubbing his chest as the pain made itself known again.

"Are you feeling okay? Should I get a Doctor?" Connor asked worriedly. Jack chuckled dryly.

"There's nothing wrong with me, except that I seem to suffer from a broken heart."

"A broken heart?" Connor frowned.

"It's a syndrome… Never heard of it until I learned I had it. It's…" Jack sighed. Pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's Sam related, Connor. After all this time, it's still Sam related."

"I'm not following you."

"I miss her. I think of her every damned day. I wonder how she looks now. I wonder what would've happened if I hadn't let her go. If we ran away together. If we hadn't taken the way out they gave us. If we threw our lives away, becoming outlaws."

"Well, I'm sure you wouldn't have lived a quiet life."

"No. But we would have been together… Wouldn't we?"

"Jack…"

"Yeah?"

"Would you hate me, if I told you I saw her?"

"Did you?" Jack asked. Connor sighed but nodded. "Was she okay? Did she look happy? Did she recognize you? Where did you see her? When did you see her?"

"A few years back, I think. I've never been good with dates," Connor shrugged. "She looked okay, Jack. She said that if you ever mentioned her in a few special dates, I could give you the short message she gave me."

Jack could hear his heart beating wildly in his ears.

"She said hang on in there, Jack. I have faith in us."

"Oh, God," Jack said. Covering his face with his hands, he rubbed it. He let out a sigh and a chuckle. "I knew it. I knew she would find a way to let me know." He grinned. Connor was beyond shocked when he noticed the tears falling from his brother's eyes. "You have no idea how much that helps, Connor. No idea of the huge weight you just lifted off my shoulders with that. Thank you, brother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that.... 2011 flew by in around 2600 words... :P


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised... welcome to 2012...

**Friday, January 6, 2012**

If there was one thing that had always surprised Jenna about one Samantha Carter, former USAF Major, and mastermind behind the plan to get all of them back to their real lives. It was the apprehensive look she would get whenever someone new came close to her or whenever she found herself needing to go out into the real world.

Now, as she straightened her suit for the umpteenth time, she understood perfectly. The fear of being recognized as Jenna Black settled in the pit of her stomach early that morning. As she was getting out of the bed she had at a small condo in DC. The reason they chose to start in DC instead of in one of the other thirteen possible places was beyond her comprehension. She thought it might be because of the highly confidential situations that might arise from this if they ever got a chance of getting it to trial.

The worst part was that she needed to do this by herself. Convincing the court that she had a case and that the case was worthy of their time. It shouldn't be as hard, but she knew there was a huge chance they would dismiss it for how it came together and the steps that had been jumped.

Her "name" was called. She gulped.

Two hours later she was still trembling with a mix of fear, dread, angst, and hope as she walked out of the courtroom. There wasn't any time to lose, and she didn't remain in the building long enough for them to try to hinder her progress.

She found the car with the right plates and rounded it to grab the key from the top of the left-back wheel cover. While rounding it, she also turned on the small device that was given to her to check there weren't any kind of explosives, bugs, or GPS signals coming from it. The device was surprisingly small to cover such a range, but she figured they had the best minds working on it.

The car was amazingly clean. Losing no more time, she drove to the second address she had learned by heart. They had provided her with several lists, one of around thirty different addresses that she should use to keep herself unattainable. A list of over fifty license plates that she needed to learn to find the car waiting for her. A list of names that she could need to respond to, along with directions on how to find the ID in any address she ended up in.

She wasn't surprised. The entire plan was a clusterfuck of things placed together in such a way that it made sense. So, the means they had planned to keep her safe weren't as impressive in her mind. Now, knowing that Sam had come up with this not only for her but for over a hundred fifty people that might or might not get called was aweing.

Jenna didn't stop nervously sweating until she got to the house and locked herself inside. She finally ran the device again inside the house. Then found the place where her new ID and phone were waiting for her. Finally, with trembling fingers, she placed the call.

"We have a chance." She announced.

_"Did someone figure who you are?"_

"I don't think so."

_"They will. When we start this, you'll have to get yourself to the witness seat too."_

"I know."

_"Are you ready for this?"_ Sam asked at the other end of the call.

"Are you?" Jenna countered.

_"I'll never be fully ready for this until we finally get back to our lives."_

"I know the feeling." Jenna sighed.

_"Did they give you a possible date?"_

"Yes. No sooner than February 12."

_"For your own safety, get your ass out of there ASAP,"_ Sam ordered.

"Will do."

_"Thank you, Jenna. You have no idea what this means to me."_

"I think I do."

**Thursday, February 16, 2012**

Sam didn't know who was more nervous that morning, Jenna, Jordan, or herself. She had asked Jordan to join her if only to keep Parker under his care. The moment they left the house they were occupying, Jordan would take Parker to another house, in case someone came looking.

They knew they would.

For security reasons, Sam and Jenna drove separate cars to the court. Separated cars would also be waiting for them once they got out. Jenna would only go to the same safe house if she knew she wasn't being followed.

Sam was sitting inside the courtroom, her head cast down. She couldn't be passed on as one of the many tourists that usually sat inside the courtroom. Mostly because their case was closed, because of the high level of security some of their claims had. So, she was sitting all by herself in an almost empty courtroom. A handful of other people that were hiding before scattered throughout the room.

"The next witness I want to call is Samantha Carter," Jenna announced. Sam stood up and walked to the stand.

"Please state your name for the record," she was asked. Sam raised an eyebrow.

"I was born under the name of Samantha Carter. For the past few years, I've also been known as, Emma Irvine, Isadora Willis, Parker Bennet, Annabelle Jenkins, Hannah Stevens, Emily Konstantin, Nadine Gomez, Morgan Reynolds, Sienna Danvers, Norah Sumner, Ella Collier, Karen Matthews, Angela Clarke, Michelle Boyle, Lorelai Brigs, under Witness protection. I was also recalled to active duty for a quick mission under the name Vivian Barnett."

"After my disappearance from the program, I also was Tara Coleman, Denise Walsh, Laura Hess, Adrianne Kemp, Delilah Benson, Lara Baldwin, Amy Booker, Melissa Daniels, and Susan Buchanan, among other names that were so short-lived that aren't worth the mentioning. I'll hope you won't mind if don't mention my current alias. I can if you deem it necessary, but for my own safety, I'd rather not."

**Monday, March 12, 2012**

Sam takes a deep breath. It took her a while to find the courage to start this one. It'll hopefully be the last one she'll ever have to do. She looks up to the camera and smiles.

"Happy Anniversary, my love," she says. "By now, you know all I discovered. What a mess, huh?"

Their trial had lasted three weeks for the number of people involved in it. Sam was a nervous wreck because her protected people had started to show up in DC. All claiming the same thing. 'We were forced out of our lives.' The evidence was damning. There was no possible way for them to escape their charges. Sam was surprised at how it didn't become as public as she thought it would.

If she was honest, she'd confess she was still nervous now. Even with everyone back in their hiding places, as they waited for the people of the Trust to be captured and dealt with.

"Did you ever think so that 'rogue NID' thing would involve many people? God… Jack, when I found out about our pictures, our videos… I wondered who the fuck would be keeping those things even when they couldn't use them against us. I don't think I've ever been as nervous as the moment they asked Davis about my retirement letter. It surprised me too, but Jenna knew about it. She had met with Davis before, as we prepared for our case."

She could remember the fear she felt when the defense asked Davis about her resignation letter. Trying to prove she disappeared by her own means. That she went AWOL because she wanted to. That he was the one who included her resignation into her folder was shocking news for her. But then again, he also said he was responsible for her assignment. Finding a way to fight corruption after the disappearance of so many valuable members under the same program she was in.

Sam had listened to most of the trial accessing the courtroom feed. So, when Davis had mentioned the assignment. She had turned to her other screen, and broken into the Pentagon in search of those files. She couldn't believe her eyes when the file number he gave to court opened a USAF Mission file. That started the day she disappeared from the WITSEC, back in 2003.

"Jack… I'm not sure if you know this… but I have no idea where that assignment came from. I was never in contact with Davis, not directly. Not after he called me in for that stupid mission that resulted in a replicator clone of myself. I don't know how he hid that folder from me. Now, I wonder if he has more things protected somewhere, inaccessible even for me."

She rubs her face tiredly before she continues. "I'm sorry you had to be called. I'm sorry they tried to blame you for this. I'm sorry about being confronted by those pictures and videos. I hoped they wouldn't bring them up."

The defense had tried to show that they were compromised. Just like they had called Davis before, they had called Jack, too. He was presented with the videos and pictures of them having sex. Jack'd studied the videos and pictures, clenching and unclenching his jaw until he squared his shoulders again. _'I can't deny this happening. However, I'm aware of a resignation letter from one Major Samantha Carter that effectively took her out of my chain of command. When she was reinstated, after the last picture you have, she wasn't in my command anymore.'_ He'd said back then.

"It broke my heart, Jack. I wanted to be there when you were called, I fought with Jenna… my lawyer… to convince her I needed to be there. She said that for once I wasn't being rational about it. That I was emotionally compromised. She was so right… then… they called Hayes. I couldn't believe they risked calling him in for this. I don't know how his presence didn't bring a whole lot of attention towards it. I couldn't believe it when he confirmed he was the one who asked me to complete the assignment."

"I can't believe this is finally over, Jack. I can't believe I only need to wait until everyone is in jail and they restore my name to rush back into your arms. God, at least I hope I can rush back into your arms. I've missed you so much, Jack." Sam smiles lovingly. For a second, she frowns, knowing that even if they solved the issues, she still won't dismantle the current safe house she's living in. Not until the end of the school year. She shakes her head to get back on track.

"Do you know what I've done? Do you have any idea of how much of my soul this has eaten out? I'm not the same person I once was. I'm not carefree, I'm not that trusting… I'm not the Samantha Carter you knew and loved…. Will you still want me? I've wondered that every fucking day that's gone by…" she chuckles. "I can't even stop myself from saying fuck… while before my best swearing was a mere holy Hannah. Will that make any difference now? Do we even get to share a future after all that's happened?"

"Are you still the same man I fell in love with? Are eleven years just ten too many since we got separated? All I know is that watching you from afar, from feeds and pictures is one thing that's kept me whole all this time. That there's a void in me that I never had until I had to leave you. But I'm afraid, Jack… I'm afraid that I'm waiting for a chimera. That what I have in my head isn't even the right memories anymore. I'm terrified that when I see you and you see me… We won't recognize each other anymore. Will you recognize me after all these changes?"

"I hope you do, Jack. Yet, my gut says you won't. My mind keeps telling me we've spent more time apart than together. That we've grown old, evolved, changed so much that there won't be anything there but the memories of what it really wasn't. Your memories will be filled with the last threads of the one I wasn't for you… And my memories of you aren't anything more than scraps of who you were and what I wish you still are. Can we survive that?"

A tear runs down her face and she clears it with the back of her hand.

"Oh, well. I love you. I'll love you, no matter how much I won't recognize you anymore. No matter how much I still do. You'll always be the one for me." She stands up, turns the camera off, and makes herself presentable again. Going out as Victoria Crane, to pick Parker up from school.

**Thursday, July 26, 2012**

He can't remember working so hard in his entire career. Since that trial back in February, things have been crazy. They appointed him as one member of the "clean-up commission" as he called it, along with military and civilian personnel across the entire government.

Hayes had called them the people he could trust in. If only to dump onto them the colossal task of getting all the data presented on that case, sorted, and people involved prosecuted in fair trials of their own. Jack himself had sat in over three hundred trials as a witness, while they tried to use the same card repeatedly.

He opened the folder and shook his head as the various images of Sam and him entangled together over different sets of furniture. He gulped. Jack saw her in the first trial, albeit only through the recordings of it. He saw her numbness as she recited all her names, all twenty-six of them, with a complete detachment.

Was that his Sam? Was she holding onto an image? Trying to show that having gone through what she had gone through was nothing for her? Was she soldiering on? Or was his Sam really lost for good?

Daniel knocked on his door just then. He quickly put together all the images of them back in the folder. The last thing Daniel needed to see those was those. Even if he'd been brought along and he'd learned about Jack and Sam being together during that last entire week.

"Hey, you should turn that TV on. They're talking about the case again."

" _Whistleblowers were taken to a whole new level! I mean, what a huge pair of balls to take over a mission when you don't even know if you can fulfill in the allotted timeframe."_

_"I agree with you, Janice. The masterminds behind this can certainly be proud of themselves."_

_"If you're just connecting to the news. We're speaking about the people vs the government that happened back in February. When a group of people brought out a massive network of bribery, corruption, and espionage. This network was planning to become the government behind the government, and for the extent of the people arrested… Well, they were well on their way to getting there."_

_"We have their lawyer LT Commander Jenna Black with us. Your case was brilliant. What can you tell us about it?" Jenna smiled._

_"All I can say is that if it wasn't for one person who fought with tooth and nail to get us here. I wouldn't be Jenna Black once again."_

_"Do you know what motivated him to get this far into their mission?" Jenna chuckled._

_"She'll kill me if I tell you. I just hope he's proud of what she's achieved."_

"You think?" Daniel frowned in questioning.

"Daniel. Even if she's talking about Carter… I had no idea about half of the things going on Carter's mind when we used to know her. What makes you think I'd have any clue now?"

"Right. Do you think she'll just take her name and rank back? I mean, after all this time as a civilian… getting back to being 'just' a Major…." Daniel trailed. Jack pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I wish I knew Daniel… Oh, I wish I knew."


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This BONUS was brought to you thanks to Loverustal hard work on fixing my mistakes :D  
> Since she said I should post it now... here you go.

**Monday, July 30, 2012**

Parker's report card arrived in the mail exactly one month ago. That signaled that the last days of their adventure as people hiding inside the country could finally come to an end. However, the news about two senators, along with some other high-ranking personnel going AWOL, had put a dent into Sam's plan. So, here a month later, they still were Victoria and Maddie Crane.

For a reason she fully understood, Parker was getting as antsy as she was. But at least she had work to complete. Pending tasks that would take her mind off being hidden in plain sight. Her get-back-to-her-own-life paperwork was still pending. Parker's birth certificate was still hiding somewhere inside whatever place they'd hidden Sam's things.

Her phone went out then. Sam took a deep breath.

"Hello?" she answered. Not sure by the number on her screen, if she was supposed to be Victoria Crane or Samantha Carter…. Or anyone in between.

_"Hi, as I've said to the person before, I'm calling from the POTUS Office. In search of one Doctor Samantha Carter, or a Major Samantha Carter?"_ Sam gulped, as a knot formed in her throat.

"From the POTUS Office?" Sam asked, frowning.

_"Please don't hang up! This is a real call from the real POTUS Office."_ The woman added quickly.

"I wasn't going to," Sam said in a calming way. She heard the woman breathe on the other end.

_"My name is Valery Chastain, is this Samantha Carter?_ "

"Yes, indeed. Too many hangs-ups?" she couldn't help to ask.

_"Yes. You've got no idea, ma'am. Since the whole debacle, I've been hung up more than I used to."_ The woman sighed. _"Anyway, I'm calling to check if you can be available at the Oval Office by the end of the week?"_

"Any special date?"

_"The President asked for me to squeeze you in whenever you said you could get here."_ Sam spotted Parker from the corner of her eye and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Can you hold on for a second, I need to check my calendar." She said as she connected to the hidden server out of habit. She smiled when she noticed he too was connected.

**GrandEmpress:** _Jordan? Can you book a flight to DC on Thursday, to watch over Parker on Friday morning?_

She held her breath as she waited for his answer.

**Jnerd:** _Your wish is my command, oh, Grand Empress! xD_

Sam shook her head and rolled her eyes at his answer.

**Jnerd:** _There's no need to roll your eyes when I_ _**know** _ _you'll be rolling your eyes._

She chuckled at this. "Valery? I can be there on Friday morning."

_"Does 8 am sound good to you?"_

"It does."

_"Great! I was afraid I would need to squeeze you in if you needed a later appointment. We'll be waiting for you, ma'am."_

"I'll be there." She said frowning at the question on her computer.

**Jnerd:** _So? Why are we going to DC?_

**GrandEmpress:** _I needed to confirm an appointment at the White House._

**Jnerd:** _You what?!_

**GrandEmpress:** _It seems Hayes wants to see me._

**Jnerd:** _And you're going?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Of course. I'll need to take all the safety precautions in case anyone's still on the loose in DC. Or if they decide to arrest me on the spot. ?_

**Jnerd:** _Don't say that! Don't jinx it! Anyhow… Should I get ready at least three safe houses?_

**GrandEmpress:** _Yes._

**Jnerd:** _I got a question, though. How did they get your number?_

**GrandEmpress:** _It was a forwarded call from the messenger system we placed ages ago. You know, the one back in Idaho?_

**Jnerd:** _Oh, it was still working?_

**Jnerd:** _Well, nevermind. Tell Parker I can't wait to see her._

Sam smiled at this. The truth was since Jordan and Jenna had entered P's life, the girl was a lot happier. Even though things had changed little for both of them. The fact that people knew her by her real name meant the world to her daughter.

Not even ten minutes later, her phone when off again. She frowned at the new unknown number on her screen.

"Hello?"

_"Sam? Hum, this is Paul Davis,"_ He said, hoping it was her.

"Paul?" Sam asked in surprise. "Yes, it's me."

_"Oh, God. Sam! I thought this number would've changed since it's the same one you gave me all those years ago. When Valery from the POTUS office called me to let me know it worked. I was utterly surprised. We were wondering how we would find you."_ Sam blinked.

"Why are you looking for me?" Sam asked and almost facepalmed herself. He chuckled.

_"For the same reason, we contacted all of the hundred fifty-eight people in your witness list. To bring you back from the dead, of course."_ Sam chewed her inner cheeks for a second.

"And my daughter?"

_"Yes, and your daughter. God, she must be huge now!"_

"She's all grown up. It's inevitable," she said a bit defensively.

_"Look. I'm going to give you my cell number. I know you must be still feeling a bit paranoid knowing that some people have managed to flee the country before we could get them. So, when you're in DC, please call me. I would like to meet with you before you go to see the President."_

"I might see you Thursday, then."

_"Great. I can't wait to see you again."_ Davis said before she ended the call. She looked at the clock and noticed they couldn't have located her call. She breathed a sigh of relief. Parker looked up then. She gave her a Jack glance that broke Sam's heart.

"We need to pack," Parker stated. Sam nodded as an answer. "Do we take everything or just the important things?"

"Get a duffel bag ready with enough things for a week or two. We'll pack the rest and sent it into storage for a while."

"Okay," Parker nodded used to this and started working.

As per usual, the last room to be dismantled was her office. But it was late, and they needed dinner. So, Sam left her office for the kitchen, after setting one of the boxes containing information about her career down, and started dinner. When she was about to go searching for Parker, she saw her looking through the contents of that box.

"Parker. Leave that alone," Sam warned. "Go wash your hands. Dinner's ready."

"What's this mommy?" Parker frowned. "It's that you?"

"P… Leave it. It was all part of a past I'd rather forget now." Sam sighed. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back to being Major Carter now that things were finally looking up for them.

Understanding that it was as much as her mom would share. Parker stood up and disappeared out of the room. "I wish I could forget it. Yet, I know it'll come back to bite me in the ass. Most likely on Friday," she mumbled. She shook her head, closed the box, and got back to her night.

**Friday, August 3, 2012**

The bell at Sam's safe house in DC rung at 0630. There was no one asleep at that time. Although Jordan sported some nice black circles under his eyes. However, Parker needed him, so he was up as earlier as the two females were.

Sam was already dressed in a suit as she walked to answer the door. She looked through the peephole and found Lt. Colonel Paul Davis waiting on the other side. He was carrying something awkwardly on one hand.

"Good morning," Sam greeted him. The smile he gave her was blinding.

"Samantha Carter, bless ut be the eyes that can see you!" Paul said cheerily. Then he looked down at her and sighed. "Good thing I came prepared." He said raising the hand that was holding a garment bag. "I brought you… Your uniform. I thought you might need one after all this time."

"Paul…" Sam trailed off. Truth was, she didn't know if she wanted to don it. But if they had brought her back to life with those orders they had presented in the courtroom. She was still USAF, and he was now a high-ranking officer. "Want some coffee?"

"That'd be amazing. I'll get myself a cup while you get changed. We can talk on our way there." He said. Sam sighed.

"Yes, sir." She said. She missed the small smile Paul gave her as she turned around.

"God! You've all grown up since the last time I saw you!" Paul said. Nearing the kitchen where he saw a mini-Sam having breakfast.

"And you are?" Jordan asked, squinting at him.

"Lt. Colonel Paul Davis. USAF. I'm here to escort her to her meeting. She said I could get some coffee?" Jordan turned around and searched for a mug, then poured some coffee into it and frowned.

"Are you sure you need an escort?" Jordan asked as Sam entered the room. She was feeling utterly uncomfortable in the blues. As if she was an imposter and not the real Major Samantha Carter.

"Whoa! Mom… You look so cool!" Parker said. Only Parker noticed the slight flinch of discomfort her words caused her mom.

"Good coffee," Paul said and finished his mug in one swig. "Shall we?"

"You know what to do," she said to Jordan before she followed Paul out of the condo.

"What did you want to talk about, sir?" Sam asked the moment they were alone in his car.

"You can drop the sir, Sam. It's just Paul. Ah, I'm sure you have questions about that mission thing we added to your files. And the resignation letter, and the recall to active duty letter…."

"A few, yes."

"Well, I thought, I should clear the air with you, before you get there. I knew you were being followed before. I didn't know the Trust was behind it, or that they reached as far as you found they did. When the JCS came up with the idea of getting General O'Neill to take you to the safe house. My intuition told me there was something more going on. So, on your last day at the SGC…"

"You gave me a folder I needed to sign. I never read the paper," she said, remembering that encounter vaguely.

"I did the same with Hammond. I guess that you trusted me and that worked out fine that day. I had my excuses ready if you or Hammond read the document. I guess I was right."

"Thanks, Paul. You gave me the most perfect week I could've ever imagined. Knowing about that letter took a bunch of guilt off my shoulders. Added a huge load of worry too…"

"I bet it did," he smiled, and couldn't help but blush. He'd seen those pictures in court too, after all. "I had to place you back on active duty before they noticed it. That's why I also added the recall letter."

"And the mission?" Paul smiled as he showed his ID to the entrance guard along with hers.

"That wasn't my idea. When you called and explained what you wanted to do…. What you were doing… Hayes said, he didn't want you to risk more than you already were. He figured you could end up being sued for espionage and treason. He wanted you to have a safe place to land if that was the case."

"How did it all end up under Intelligence?"

"He wanted you to have a chance, but he didn't want to give that chance away by placing it in your main file. Since it was intelligence, I could keep real files of it, you know, the real paperwork. So, they were added afterward, with the proper creation date as the date on the file." He parked and turned around to watch her.

"So, basically you created a lot of fake documents. Those are now considered real. I'm really no better than the men and women that I forced out."

"No. They aren't fake documents. They're real. Think about it this way, those documents are the paper trail of the mission you were already doing."

"Did you ever stopped to think what would've happened if someone asked me about those?"

"I did. Jenna did too. We figured out it was best if they found them instead of you. That's why she didn't place me as your witness. We fed some data to the defense, and the subpoenaed me as a witness."

"That was a risky move," she said, with an eyebrow raised.

"One that paid off. Don't think about it too much. Let's go, the President doesn't like it too much to be awake this early."

They walked inside the White House. Sam followed Davis until he waved at a woman. "Valery." He said, "I brought the 8 o'clock."

"Ah, you must be Samantha Carter then. He's been dying to meet you. Go right ahead."

Paul knocked, opening the door slightly. "Davis! Come on in! Did you bring her?" Haye's voice reached them from outside. Paul nodded to Sam to go inside and the moment Hayes saw her he stopped dead in his tracks.

"It's a pleasure to meet you face to face, finally, Sir," Sam said, trying not to squint at the frowning man.

"Davis, I thought I said you should find her and make sure she came as an officer." Sam looked at her dress blues and frowned. Had the uniform changed that much in the past almost twelve years? Looking up, she looked at Paul in confusion. He smiled.

"Ah. I thought you would want to do the honors, sir." Hayes beamed.

"Excellent thinking, Davis! I knew there was a reason I liked you! You look confused," Hayes said, looking at Sam with an amused expression.

"I am confused, sir."

"Do you have them?" Hayes asked, turning towards David.

"Yes, sir." He said. Giving him a briefcase that Sam had noticed him dragging around. Hayes opened it and took the contents out. Looking like a kid in a candy store.

"You'll have to figure where these all go, later on." He said pointing towards some boxes. Then he found a somewhat thick file.

"Well, for your past actions during the mission proposed to you by the USAF Intelligence. You've been awarded the following medals."

"Sir?" Sam frowned, getting more confused by the second.

"An oak leaf cluster for your Air Force Commendation Medal, for acts of courage that do not involve the voluntary risk of life. We thought you wouldn't be risking your life until you proved us wrong." He said. "An oak leaf cluster for your Air Force Organizational Excellence Award. If there was anything higher, you would get that one too, but there's not."

Sam blushed.

"For your actions in defense of our country's sovereignty that went beyond the limits of the rank, as of July 23rd, 2004, the board of qualifications granted you the rank of Lt. Colonel." He read quickly, and almost dismissively, changing pages as if that wasn't even icing for her cake. "An oak leaf cluster device to add to your Airman's medal, for a heroic act that doesn't involve actual combat. And an oak leaf cluster device to add to your Meritorious Service medal for your outstanding service to the United States."

"Finally! Here's the one I was searching for," Hayes said, grinning. "As of June 15th, 2008, the board of qualifications granted you the rank of Colonel, because your actions were beyond the limits of your current rank. Ah, there's a Legion of Merit medal to thrown in the mix. That's new…" he said, turning towards Davis.

"Yeah, the new joint chiefs approved that one," Paul explained.

"Well, you'll see, _Colonel._ You aren't properly dressed," Hayes grinned. "If I were you, I would walk to the nearest bathroom and set my uniform right. Before reporting back to your Commander-in-Chief."

"Is that an order, sir?" Sam asked somewhat dumbfounded.

"Yes, Colonel." He placed all the boxes inside the case they were before and handed it to her. "Davis was kind enough to have the right position of your ribbons printed out for you. It's inside the file."

"Thank you," she said with a fake smile.

Grabbing the case, she walked away from the oval office and into the nearest bathroom. As she pinned the ribbons as per the paper's instruction, she couldn't help but feel bad about it. The guilt settled deep in her stomach as she considered that she had taken someone else's place in the top levels, while she was just playing house and hacking her way around to get back to her life. While becoming this version of herself, she couldn't quite look in the mirror.

She finally grabbed her jacket and placed the eagles on it instead of the golden oak leaf. She donned the jacket and wondered if she could fill the shoes of Colonel Samantha Carter this time around. With the weight of her self-doubts on her shoulders, she arranged everything in the case again before she headed back to the Oval Office.


	57. Chapter 57

**Friday, August 3, 2012**

She squared her shoulders before she left the bathroom. For the untrained eye, she looked exactly like she should. Like a badass Full bird Colonel, on her way to meeting her Commander-in-Chief. However, the guilt was threatening to drown her with every single step. Adding to the ever-growing sense of not being worthy of such advancement in a career she'd been forced away from for eleven years, four months and twenty days.

Wondering if there was anyone out there that knew four thousand one hundred sixty days felt like. If there was anyone else out there, that would figure out that she'd come back. That she'd fought her way back, out of a love she wasn't sure she deserved anymore.

Taking a deep breath, she walked back to the Oval Office. She could feel the stares of the White House personnel as she passed by. As if they all knew what a lie she was. Sam wondered if anyone had any idea that less than a few hours wearing a uniform that didn't feel like hers, only served to add a great deal of self-hatred to her already belittled self-esteem.

Valery smiled at her as she walked to the door and nodded to let her know she could just walk right in. Sam stretched both sides of her neck quickly, to try to get rid of some nervous tension that was threatening to engulf her whole. She opened the door.

Hayes's bright smile felt like a ton of bricks. For some reason, the man the people called Mr. President, her Commander-in-Chief, thought she was worth so much more than she thought she was. Sam was fully aware of how she didn't deserve the rank she was so blatantly sporting now. She was conscious of the fact that she didn't even deserve the rank before the one she was currently sporting.

In her mind, she didn't deserve the promotions or the awards they'd provided her with. She hadn't saved the world. She hadn't ended the millennia-long war. She hadn't helped the Asgard to get rid of replicators. Heck! There was a whole damn base in a different galaxy that deserved the rank much more than she did.

"Well, first things first then. Here," Hayes said, passing her an envelope. Sam's eyes widened when she took out an ID and dog tags. She took the latter ones first, safely tucking them inside her clothes. The weight of the tags brought some unexpected relief. "These are the ones for your child. Don't worry, I know about her only through Davis. I thought about asking you to bring her over, so I could shake her hand myself. But since you went to such great lengths to keep her out of everyone's knowledge. I decided it was best if I didn't."

"Thank you, sir."

"You will need to fix new ones when you settle down wherever you settle. These will work temporarily." Davis added.

"So, Colonel. I hope you don't mind, but they're waiting for us in the conference room. Davis can take the bag. He'll keep them safe for you. Isn't that right, Davis?"

Sam knew an order coming from her CO when she heard one. She passed the case to Davis and gave him a sorry-about-that smile. One that he promptly waved off. "Sir, would you need me at this?"

"I think you're the one with all the knowledge of the finer details, Davis. I just think they'd be more comfortable with you brining bags, suitcases, or something with you than they would if she has them. Let's go."

They walked towards the conference room. The knot in her stomach hit her full force when she noticed she was now in front of the new JCS. Reformed a few months ago thanks to her investigation. The men and women at the table had been thoroughly scrutinized for years and had come out clean. She gulped.

She was sure some of them would jump at the fakeness of her rank and call her a liar. Maybe even grant her a nice stay at Leavenworth for impersonating a military officer.

"At ease... at ease…" Hayes dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Can you believe it, Colonel Carter, it's been two months and they still stand when I come in?" She noticed the way Hayes mentioned her rank, with such ease.

"I can, sir," Sam answered as he seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"Nothing escapes you, does it?" Hayes asked. A glint of amusement showing in his eyes. He continued before Sam could even decide if she was supposed to answer that or not. "Ladies and Gentlemen… I believe we all know why we're here. Don't we?"

"Yes, sir," came from all around the table. Sam gulped. She didn't.

"Then, let's proceed."

"Sir, we analyzed your candidate. As you already were informed, we found nothing against your choice. We understand she already has a base knowledge of what's been going around that base. We understand she has more insight into what has been happening in our country than any of us had. The board of qualifications couldn't find a dent in her advancement. Despite her private life being pointed to several times during the several trials across the country, everything points to a clean career." One said.

"We do have some questions, sir."

"Shoot'em!"

"Colonel Carter, we understand you had a personal relationship with one General Johnathan Jack O'Neill." Sam clenched her jaw tightly. "According to our knowledge, it only lasted the week you were out of the USAF regulations. Is that correct?" Sam looked at Davis, then across the table.

"Yes, sir." She answered more firmly that she thought she would.

"Your new post will place you under his chain of command," she held her breath. Under his chain of command could mean the SGC, SGA, Alpha site, Beta site, any of the vessels, and many other places she wasn't sure she wanted to fit into. With her new rank and the fact that she still was a single parent, there were many places she wasn't sure she wanted to serve at. "Will you be able to keep the same level of respect and loyalty to the USAF as you did before your resignation and after your return?"

"Yes, sir."

"Will you be able to keep your personal life separated from your military life?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Will you be able to keep yourself from breaking any frat rules in regard to General O'Neill?" Sam frowned.

She wanted to shout at them that she hadn't seen the man for over ten damned years! That she hadn't kissed her husband since then! That he hadn't fuck her or even hold her close since that day when she was Vivian and she needed a break and both needed some comfort. That they hadn't made love since two days after they had gotten married. That she was more afraid that she wasn't the woman he loved, that he didn't want her any more than she was of breaking rules that didn't exist between them, because of the little piece of paper that was filed back in his hometown.

"Yes, ma'am." She answered instead.

"Is there anything at all, even something so small that could point to some type of benefits you got from knowing the General?"

She couldn't help the snort even if she'd tried. It was hilarious that they would be concerned about career advancements when she had nothing to do with any of his posts for so long. She wondered if she should've mentioned they were married, but Jack hadn't in any of the trials when he was exposed to their pictures. She hadn't either. Should she reveal their secret now?

"Colonel?" Her reticence to answer raised some concerns in the room.

Sam sighed. She'd better let the cat out of the bag now. In any case, she didn't even know if he would want to remain married to her after so long. He hadn't filed a divorce, but she was dead before so there was no need. For a few seconds, she considered if he would do that, knowing what she did. Knowing that even when he had picked up that escort out of sheer drunkenness, he had stayed faithful to her memory.

"How exactly will I be under his command?" She asked.

"Colonel… General Landry is retiring."

Landry? She frowned. The only Landry she knew was the CO at the SGC…. She couldn't fill that place, even with all her recently acquired rank.

"General Landry? As in the SGC CO?" she asked, anyway. There were a few nods around the table. "I don't understand what his retirement has to do with your questions. Or myself, for that matter."

"Colonel. We want you to take his position."

"But I'm not in the right rank to do that. There are far more deserving people than me." She said. "Half of the SGC should be considered before myself." They exchanged confused glances.

"Colonel, it comes with a new rank," Hayes smiled. "Besides, none of them have what it takes. They're great out there in close combat, or just in peaceful discoveries. The Colonels can manage their own teams and several others also… However, none of them know how to run a base."

"With all due respect, sir. Neither do I." The people around the table chuckled.

"With what you managed to achieve during all those years, bringing together private companies, rescuing people out of the clutches of the Trust. Saving them from lives off-world and under duress to steal and create what they've achieved here without needing much more than your lead. If doing all that along with the profound level of management that was required for all that, and to infiltrate all areas of the government with no help from the inside. All while hiding yourself… If you aren't ready to run a base, Colonel… Then we aren't fit to be sitting at this table either." One of them said, and the others nodded in agreement.

"I think we're pressuring the poor woman too much here," Hayes said. "Tell you what, Colonel. Now that you're finally alive, why don't you take a week of leave? Go visit your family and then you can tell us if you accept our proposal or not. We'll be truly devastated if you don't, though."

"Sir…" She looked at Hayes. "Sirs, ma'ams." Sam took a deep breath. "There's something I feel you should know first." As soon as her words were out, a loud silence took the room. "I think you ought to know that during that week we sustained more than a relationship. General O'Neill is my husband, at least as far as the law establishes."

"Whoa, I didn't see that coming," Hayes said. There was some mumbling going around as they spoke among each other before they all nodded.

"As I understand we weren't breaking the uniform code of military justice. He was the only USAF Officer, at that time," she said being thankful once more of Davis' forethought about making her retire. "I was and am also an officer. There was never a breach of the definition of Fraternization used in Court-Martial. He never affected my career. However, the position you're offering will be under his direct line of command. Even if he himself is outside that chain. It still means I'd report to him. However, I do believe there's no possible way that, if you keep the offer open, I would advance further in my career without a thorough revision of it."

"You are right, you aren't breaking the rules. I was a JAG. I can confirm what the Colonel said is true. However, we should at least take that into consideration for a bit longer."

"Colonel. Take those days off. We'll call you when they decide whether the offer still stands or not." Hayes said. "We won't take too long, but even if we seem to be doubting about it. Take some time to consider if you want to take this offer, so when they decide it's good. You can accept it quickly."

"I will. Thank you, sir." Sam nodded.

"Well, y'all are dismissed. Go figure this one out."

Soon it was only Paul and Sam inside the room. "Ready to go?" he asked. Sam nodded. They walked out of the White House in complete silence. Paul set his way to the same place they were before.

"Want to come in?" Sam asked hopefully. "I think I'd like some company, and maybe some explanations?"

"Sure." Paul was surprised when the house appeared to be empty. Sam just smiled knowingly. "They're waiting for me elsewhere. I guess the paranoia will follow me for a while." She shrugged. "Coffee?"

"That'd be great." She headed for the kitchen and took a deep breath, taking her chance to try to collect herself.

"Why me, Paul? Do you know that? Why did they rank-me up?"

"Because you deserved it, Sam. I told you, it was all done properly. Your name was given to the board of qualifications. They approved your promotion. Granted, they didn't publish it, but that was at our request."

"I would believe that. If the Lt. Colonel had happened after I called you, to let you know."

"I hoped you wouldn't notice," he grimaced. "I had to recall the board. Told them I'd found out a file in the 2004 promotions list they had missed. Your file. They looked at me as if I'd lost my head. She's dead, they all said. I told them you weren't. That you were undercover and couldn't come out from where you were. When I explained what I thought you were managing, you know, with what little Jordan gave away when we interrogated him… Well, they thought you were doing things above your pay grade and decided to promote you. Since your name didn't come up until we pointed it to them, and you weren't collecting payment anyway… They agreed to draw up the documents for that date."

"Hum. I…" she didn't know what she wanted to say. What she really wanted was to get under the shower and cry, because of all her mixed feelings.

"I… I had no idea that you and General O'Neill…" he started. Sam clenched her jaw.

"No one does. We got married two days before I was placed into WITSEC. In a small little town that still used paper as their file system." She sighed.

"I bet you're ecstatic about seeing him again."

Ecstatic? She thought. She was scared, terrified even. Especially now that she was alive, that their wedding certificate was still valid. Now that she'd been upped some ranks without deserving them. Now that she had to tell him they had a daughter he knew nothing about. Not when the moment she saw him, she'd feel like life had been robbed from them. That they'd lost so much, that they'd changed so much… That the only logical thing to do was split, anyway.

"Yeah," she said instead.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my country it's burning... there's a shortage of water, power outages happen too often, we have temperatures above 40C/104F and awful draught. Sand and wind storms that are not aiding with the fires. Oh! And we only have volunteer firefighters, brave souls those are... The economy it's crashing thanks to enforced social distancing, and of course, it's mosquitoes season which adds seasonal diseases to the COVID thing. So... if you can breathe pure air, take long showers, have a nice temperature, or even rain... be sure to remember how blessed you are. :) I know I am, coz even with all of that happening all around... I'm safe.  
> Anyhow... Enjoy! :D

**Tuesday, August 7, 2012**

It seemed it finally was over. He wouldn't have to travel across the country to face any more trials. He wouldn't have those damned pictures pushed under his nose anymore. He wouldn't have to prove he was innocent. Even when his name hadn't ever been on the list of dirty people to start with.

He was fucking tired. Since this had all started, he was always in a defensive stance. As people tried to pry out of him, his true position inside the Government. Any mention of Home World Security was still classified as it had always been.

"What?!" he spat as the door of his office opened slightly.

"Bad time?" Daniel asked, with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Since February, that's all it seems to be, Daniel." Jack sighed. "Come in and close that door behind you."

Daniel plopped himself in the chair in front of Jack. For the past few months, he'd joined Jack on several of the trips. Although he'd an inkling as to what it might have contained. Daniel had never seen the contents of the file Jack was presented with every time he took the stand. Every time they wanted to make the jury believe Jack couldn't be trusted.

Every single time he'd admitted to strangers, he'd a relationship with his former 2IC. Eleven years ago, for the shortest amount of time, between her resignation and her recall to active duty.

Jack had answered every question with the same nonchalance he'd used when confronting system lords, but without the sarcasm. The last thing they'd needed was for his bad sense of humor to screw up the chance to clean up the government. To put an end to the Trust and hopefully get Sam back.

"How are you holding up?" Daniel asked after observing him for a while.

"What do you think?" Jack groaned.

"Not good, it seems. Talk to me, Jack."

"Where do you want me to start, Daniel?"

"I don't know… What's bothering you?" He offered. Jack chuckled dryly.

"Well… It might be that at least one thousand people know exactly how I look stark naked and fucking, Daniel. Because they couldn't find a nice picture of us kissing, or I don't know us just being home-y. No… They had to be pictures of us fucking." Daniel blushed.

"That's what it was?"

"Yes, Daniel. That's exactly what it was," Jack growled. "You can bet your ass that I didn't want to become the next porn star out there. I know she didn't want that either. But here were are… After six months, I've retrieved the same amount of files of us doing the deed as files of corrupted people. It's tiring."

"I'm sorry," Daniel said, not quite knowing what else he could tell him.

"Yeah, me too."

"If it makes you feel better, a whole damn town found me naked, and there was that time where I showed up naked after… you know?" Jack chuckled at his attempt of lightening the mood.

"Fuck, Daniel," Jack said sighing and resting his head between his hands. "I'm sure you don't want to see them at all. They were collected from our homes. It took me a while to be comfortable in that house or any other house I've lived after I learned about those videos."

"You knew?" Daniel asked, confused. "Oh! That's why you had our houses swept clean every other week?"

"Yeah." Jack grimaced.

"How?" He frowned.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Then you'd hate me," Jack shook his head.

"I can't hate you, Jack." Daniel rolled his eyes. "You saved my ass too many times. I'm forever in your debt."

"Maybourne." He stated.

"Maybourne?"

"Yup."

"How?"

"Remember when we got lost together?" Daniel nodded. "Well, he fessed up that they ordered him to watch them. I didn't believe him at first, then he mentioned details and I almost killed him."

"Wait? Watch them?"

"Yeah, these are snippets of video footage filmed at hour houses."

"Have you… _seen_ them?" Daniel wondered.

"I have."

"Like now? For the trials? Or did Maybourne…."

"It was her," Jack said. Unable to say her name. "She gave me a second heads up and sent them my way. She said I should know. She sent me all those gizmos I used to clean our houses."

"So… All this time, you were speaking with her?" Daniel asked, surprised by that confession. Jack shook his head.

"No. That was the last time I heard her voice. I can't remember how she sounds now, Daniel. After watching those court videos so many times…" he huffed. "All I know is that the woman I listened to while she gave her version of her life… That wasn't her. She looked like her, she moved like her… but she didn't speak like her. It's as if she's gone, Daniel."

"I… Do you have the court video?" Jack nodded. Tapping his password to unlock his computer, he turned it enough so that both of them could watch it. Daniel gulped as she appeared on the stand. He wanted to cry as he heard her list the names. "God…" He whispered.

"Yeah…" Jack sighed in agreement. "I want to hope it's just a facade. That she's just acting like that… But I don't know, Daniel. Do I even know her anymore? Can we say for sure she's the same woman we knew?"

"I don't know, Jack," Daniel grimaced. "I wish I could tell you she is. However, almost twelve years is a long time. We've seen people change for less."

They fell silent for a while. Both watching her as the woman they both knew now as Lt. Commander Jenna Black question her.

"She was harsh while questioning her own witness," Daniel pointed out.

"For what I've seen of the other witnesses, she wouldn't do it, if she didn't know she could press 'em to speak." Jack pointed out.

"You think Sam's the mastermind behind all of this? You know, Commander Black did say it was a 'she' when she spoke on TV. I know names weren't given out and all for their safety." Jack sighed again.

"You have clearance, Daniel, so I can tell you that she was. There's a USAF file under Intelligence. One that points to her doing this as a USAF mission."

"You don't believe that," Daniel stated.

"I don't know what I believe anymore. Facts are that the file exists. Even if I didn't believe it, she was the mastermind behind it all. All the witnesses cleared themselves out. They didn't have enough clues, knowledge, or skills to pull it out themselves. The only one who hasn't been accounted for…." He waved towards the screen.

"It's Sam."

"Yeah."

"You know if she's taking her name back?" Daniel wondered. Jack had, after all, way more information than he would ever have.

"I know there's a valid military ID under her name."

"What do you think will happen when you see her?" Daniel asked after a while. Jack just shook his head.

"I don't have the slightest idea, Daniel. You know I loved or love that woman more than I value my own life… But, I'm not sure that's the woman I fell in love with. I'm not sure there's such a thing as us being on the same page, or even friendly. Twelve years is a long time."

"But you know what they say… Real friendship is the one that can endure time and separation. The ones that when you meet again, it seems time hasn't passed by at all."

"Then let's hope our was real, Danny-boy."

**Wednesday, August 8, 2012**

It was the third day in a row that they've stopped in front of the same house. Curiosity was killing Parker. Not even the fact that she could tell anyone that her name was Parker could quench it.

"Mommy?" Parker asked. Her mom's hands were pressed so tightly on the wheel that her knuckles were white. "What's there?"

Sam looked at her. She loved her daughter. She knew Parker was smart and her insight was always amazing. However, in moments like this, she also hated her a little. She was so damn much like Jack that it hurt. Her big blue eyes were trained on hers. Sam could read the questions like an open book. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed.

"What?" She frowned then. Noticing she hadn't really understood what Parker had asked. P smiled, knowing her mom wasn't quite paying attention. She hadn't seen her mother so distraught, ever.

"What's there?" Parker repeated carefully. "This is the third day in a row we come by, only to drive away again."

"God. I should've explained this to you first." Sam said. "Sam Carter. Samantha Carter…" She sighed, annoyed with herself. "Doctor Samantha Carter… She has a brother. His name is Mark. Mark has a wife and two kids… They are young adults by now…"

"You're Doctor Samantha Carter." Parker frowned.

That was, after all, the name she'd given her, this time around. A name she hadn't ever heard before, but she had read on those files as 'Major Doctor Samantha Carter'. She'd seen the attached picture of the younger version of her mom.

"Yes."

"You have a brother named Mark," Parker stated.

"I do." Sam sighed.

"Why haven't I ever…." Parker frowned, as she noticed the expression on her mom's face. The one she knew appeared every time she'd asked about her past or dared to ask about her own dad. "Nevermind. Are we getting down?"

"I'm not sure if I should, P. I'm not sure they'll want to see me."

"He's your real brother?"

"Yes."

"Then he's family, mom. You said that family will always love you, no matter what. Doesn't that apply to him too?"

"You are right, let's go," Sam said, getting out of the car. 'I hope you're right, P.' she thought.

Squaring her shoulders, as she'd done since the day she got her ID back. Sam walked around the car and waited for Parker to jump down. They walked to the door and with trembling fingers, Sam pressed the bell.

After a few moments, she considered just leaving. It seemed there wasn't anyone home. Even if she knew they were both there.

"We should go," Sam stated and turned around. But Parker stood firmly in place. She heard the approaching footsteps.

"Someone's coming," she said. Sam turned around when the door was opened. Her sister-in-law eyed her from head to toes and then slammed the door shut in her face. "Hey! That was rude!" Parker shouted.

The door was opened cautiously this time. The woman frowned, looking from daughter to mother and then back.

"Linda," Sam said.

"Hi, I'm Parker Carter. Nice to meet you." Linda's eyes widened in surprise. Then she looked again at the woman she knew a long while ago. A woman that supposedly had died in a plane crash. Someone who swore she would visit them. Then went and got herself killed in a test plane.

"We need to talk," Sam stated. Linda nodded, moving away.

"Let me get Mark for you."

"So, who's that mommy?" Parker asked as Linda walked away.

"Your Aunt Linda."

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" Mark asked when he spotted her as he came down the stairs. "You said you were coming back, you said you'd visit… You died, Sam! You fucking died! We buried you… We mourned you… Jack! Your friends! Heck! Even dad took the time to go to Arlington to pay his respects!"

"Mark," Linda warned.

"What?!"

"Parker, what do you say if we go get some ice cream while they talk?" Linda said. She didn't like her sister-in-law, but the kid shouldn't have to be a witness to a sour family reunion that came over eleven years too late.

Mark's eyes widened then, noticing the kid standing right next to his revived sister. Her spitting image. There was no doubt how they were related. Sam sighed and kneeled in front of Parker.

"Go with Linda, P."

"Are you sure, mommy?" Parker asked. Biting her lower lip and risking a glance towards the only man in the room.

"Yeah. She'll take good care of you, P." She said, looking at Linda for confirmation. "Linda, I'm sure Mark will bring you up to speed, once we're gone." Linda nodded, grabbed her purse and key before she walked Parker out of the waited for the door to close behind them. Then until they listened to Linda's car driving away before they turned to face each other.

"You promised Sam!"

"I'm here, Mark. Too late, but I'm here." Sam gulped. She wanted so desperately to allow the dam to break, but she couldn't. She couldn't allow the weight of her own actions to fall on top of her brother. Still, she was crumbling inside. "I'm sorry, I'm soo sorry. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to be back and tell you everything would be all right in its due time. But I couldn't risk you, Mark. If I came back to let you know I was alive… Well, your life as you knew it would've been over."

"And the girl? Is she yours?"

"Yes."

"I have a niece I know nothing about?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"So, what? You couldn't tell me you were going to disappear on us? God, Sam, you said you loved Jack, but you could cheat on him? How long did that take? How long did it take before you forgot all about him too? Like you did with me and my family? How long did you care?" Sam gulped. Her eyes were filled with tears. Each question cutting through her like a thousand knives.

"I didn't." She said her voice barely above a whisper. "I never forgot about you, or your family, Mark. I was always there. I saw the kids graduate through their school security system. I followed your moves, Mark. I never forgot."

"Yet, there's Parker."

"Parker will turn eleven in December. She never got to the fortieth week." She noticed he was doing the math in his head and waited.

"So… She's his?" Mark frowned.

"She couldn't be anyone else's, Mark. There was no one else. There couldn't be." Sam confessed with a look in her eyes that told Mark his sister was telling him the truth. "You can't tell that to anyone. Not even Linda. Not until I can tell him."

"He doesn't know."

"No."

"I'll try. Only because he cared enough to check on us all this time. So, tell me what happened?" He asked, finally taking a seat. She followed his example and started explaining to him that she was the mind behind the chaos created that year.

No matter how awed he seemed. Or how he looked like he was going to forgive her. It was her mind that she was always fighting with… The one that told her that it was only because of his own condition that he was able to forgive her. That only added more guilt to her conscience.

Her mind told her she was using him, her own brother, to get some peace of mind. Before she decided if she was going to hide forever or confront the mess that being Samantha Carter after almost twelve years would be. Her cellphone went off.

"Carter." She answered.

"Colonel Carter. We've reached a decision."


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, guys! We are in Chapter 59 already! I mean.. August... :P  
> Who's cheering Loverustal fast beta work with me? :D

**Saturday, August 11, 2012**

After the call she got two days ago, she sat and finished explaining to Mark what had happened. Three hours later, Linda brought Parker back. The girl was properly introduced to her Uncle. They spent some hours there, then they parted. Linda's dislike for Sam had remained intact like before.

Parker was more surprised than she had more family beyond her mom than the fact that they were moving somewhere again. She questioned where. So, Sam explained to her that she had taken an offer she wasn't sure she should have.

Truth was, Sam only took it because it would take her to Colorado Springs. Despite all the years away, and all the things she now possessed, Sam was feeling lost. Now, as she parked in front of the house, they would make their home. She wondered if it was too much.

The house, _his home_ , was devoid of anything that would remind her of the man who used to live here. It was filled to the brim with the first set of boxes of their stuff. She'd arranged the move with the company she'd used for leasing it before. She asked them to get in an interior designer and with a blank check, the house was now gloriously furnished. The boxes that remained were the belongings they had accumulated over the past year, and the designer didn't dare to go through.

Despite the look of awe on her daughter's face, Sam found it utterly depressing.

"P!" She called to the girl who was already taking some stuff labeled as hers to her room. After shaking herself, Sam checked the fridge. It was empty.

"Yes, mom?" Parker asked behind her.

"I need a few things to set up my office. You know how it goes. The other parts won't be here until Jordan…"

"Sends them. Yeah. Been there, done that… placed it on repeat every 365 days. 366 on leap years," Parker joked. Sam grinned at it, but it felt more like a bucket of ice water thrown at her than a joke.

"We don't have food either. So, what do you say, if we go find somewhere to have lunch? Then we can figure out what I need, and what you'll need to start with."

"Okay." Parker shrugged. "It's not like we have hundreds of boxes left to unpack." Parker grinned. Sam laughed at that.

"We're really bad at unpacking, aren't we?" She said. Parker nodded eagerly. "I guess it was always easier to find new stuff than to get out things that would remind us of the past," Sam said. Parker frowned in confusion. There was something odd in her mom's behavior lately, since their last name change.

Parker knew bits and scraps of what had gone on. Now that she was older, Sam had explained to her that the bad guys were people inside the government. She told her that now they were finally gone, and they could get back to their lives. Which, for Parker, meant actually getting to have a life of her own. She had always been someone else, never just Parker.

For some reason, her mom seemed worried about the getting back to this life of hers. But Parker knew better than to ask her about it.

"Mom," Parker started, as they sat inside a small bistro waiting for their lunch.

"Yes, P?"

"I know, you said you were going to be working outside the house this time around…" Sam frowned. "I was wondering… When will you start?"

"I'm going there tomorrow to find my office and fix some things," Sam explained. Not even sure of what she meant with 'some things'. It could mean anything from finding a desk and perusing files to catch up on the years she'd been missing. To maybe even bumping into some of her old friends and getting reacquainted with them. She gulped. The latter was a scary thought. "I won't be long, maybe two hours or so."

"What happens with me then?"

"I've asked Jordan to arrange someone who will take care of you while I'm gone. We'll figure it out, P," Sam smiled, reassuringly.

"Okay."

By the time they got back home and organized their last acquisitions. It was already time to make dinner. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Sam stalked towards the kitchen and started making dinner. She didn't like cooking, mostly because it didn't occupy her mind.

Whenever she was coding or taking care of P, helping her with her homework, managing their servers, or some other tasks that required her full attention, she was free of her issues. But cooking… Cooking allowed her to think about anything and everything.

Lately, it meant that she would topple the balance towards guilt no matter what. Guilt for taking the offer. Guilt for not telling Jack about Parker. Guilt for marrying Jack, and then leaving him, and now, for returning. Guilt for not contacting her friends, for letting them live a life without her. They didn't have a piece of paper that bonded them together. They didn't have any obligations to remember her. They had nothing more than the friendship they had shared for four short years.

"Paper or not neither does Jack." She mumbled. The truth was that Jack had nothing at all to bind him to her anymore. Well, now he actually had that piece of paper that was valid once again. The moment her death had been ruled as not existent.

She wondered if he knew she had been assigned there. If he would come to search for her before she found him. If things would be the same or exponentially different now. She turned off the eye and shook her head for the thousandth time that day.

P chatted away about all they saw earlier. How it had reminded her of several other places they'd lived before. Sam nodded absentmindedly to most of the comments. Feeling the now almost permanent knot of guilty in the pit of her stomach.

The things Parker spoke of as a perk were troubling for Sam. How the bistro they ate at reminded her of the coffee shop they visited when her name was Kim and Sam's was Delilah. The guilt of knowing that saying things like that would be part of how Parker related her memories of those times for the rest of her life was gigantic.

Of course, that always came up hand in hand with the fact that she had not only those, but she was so far, still fatherless. Sometimes Sam wondered if it was different for Parker growing without a parent since she never knew what it was like to have them both. Excruciatingly painful guilt was always the result of that train of thought.

Parker hadn't lost a parent, she hadn't met him because of the stupid shit she was involved in. Jack hadn't met her because she'd accepted this fate instead of continuing life as it was. It was her fault. She didn't care that the kidnapping she suffered before they offered the WITSEC solution was planned. She cared that she hadn't been able to avoid getting taken out of her house. If she could prevent being taken that day, maybe things would've been different.

"Mom? Is everything okay?" Sam blinked. She didn't know for sure how long she'd zoned out on Parker.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm just tired," she smiled reassuringly.

For P, it didn't look reassuring at all. Chewing her lower lip, Parker hoped that this new place, this new job, this new life they were getting, would help her mom to feel more at ease with her own skin. However, it seemed that getting back to her own name was more worrying that all those years of running away.

"Why don't I help you with the dishes? You can start on your computer while I'm finishing it up," Parker offered. Sam smiled.

"What if I wash them and you dry them?"

"Deal!" Parker grinned. "Just let me change the radio to something more upbeat, mom!"

It was at that moment when Sam noticed there was a soft melody taking over the house. One sweet song she knew all too well. One that Jack and she'd danced to at their wedding. A tear fell before she could do anything to stop it, but she cleared it away as she stood up. Not wanting to worry Parker more than she already had.

They washed the dishes together, then Parker started settling in for the night. She called Sam to her room so they could read a chapter or two of the book Sam was currently reading to her. Sam made herself comfortable in Parker's new room. Remembering how it had looked back then when it was one of Jack's guests' rooms. One she'd shared with Janet several times after those rare team nights where the Doctor was free to join them. Where they'd all had a beer too many to drive home.

She started reading the book, caressing Parker's hair softly as she did. Once she heard the soft snores coming from the lithe figure of her daughter, Sam placed the book in its new place and stood up. She looked at Parker, so peacefully sleeping, and bit her lower lip. She wondered how long she had until Parker pushed her away. Until book reading wasn't a mother/daughter bonding time. How long before Parker realized she knew all this time who and where her father was, trumped all those years of worried, loving care she had given her?

As she turned the lights off and closed the door. She wondered if Parker would hate her for hiding her father from her, as much as she had hated her own father after her mother had passed away. She shuddered, praying it wouldn't get that bad. Hoping that whatever little she'd done right would be enough to make Parker understand that no matter how much Sam loved her and Jack, the safety of the two of them was far more important than her own broken heart.

She turned on the light in the office. Gasping for air when she noticed it didn't look at all like the office she'd sat in during her last day as Samantha Carter to record the first video for him. Feeling overwhelmed, she turned the lights off and rushed to her own room, his room.

The bed and the furniture were nothing like the dark masculine ones he'd had before. They had made it white, clear, and simple. Her heart was crushed when she saw it. She had loved the way his room looked. She had loved him in it. Shaking her head, she walked to the bathroom, undressing as she did.

It had changed, too. There had been some type of clog that resulted in requiring the whole remodeling of it. Now it was bigger, with a wide-open feel. There also had been a bath for two added to it. Sam gulped, she remembered his bathroom vividly. Along with the way, he'd caressed and touched her in there. If she didn't, there was plenty of footage for her to know exactly how it looked like before.

As she stood up under the water stream, she wondered, not for the first time, if living in his former home was a bad idea. It made every room bittersweet. So, she'd decided it was a good idea. That it was a fair punishment for her. It was fair to feel her heart breaking whenever she noticed the details her mind seemed to be popping out of nowhere, every time she walked around the house. Yet, no matter how often it happened, she knew it wasn't even close to the punishment she deserved.

She wasn't fast enough. It took her too damn long to get back here. She had changed too much. Everything had. It was only fair that everything was different and still somewhat the same. She couldn't just hop on a time machine and make all her pain disappear.

**Sunday, August 12, 2012.**

She hadn't managed to fall asleep, and it was obvious. The circles under her eyes were far darker today than they'd been the previous day. As she applied an obscene amount of makeup to cover them up. She wondered if she would ever manage to find and sleep pattern now that she was finally herself again. Now that there was a schedule to be fulfilled.

She knew that was hoping for too much. There was no fooling herself. Eleven years living on four hours of sleep couldn't be so easily erased.

Besides, she still had the companies that needed her leadership. Although Jordan was doing great with them, most of the time. He still needed her and wanted her to discuss movements and plans. There was no rule against her keeping her part of the companies. Having investigated the rules about it, to know for sure.

All the companies still would be able to work on the various USAF contracts they had won, as long as she wasn't directly involved with those projects. She could still develop anything not related to her new post or activities she would do inside the SGC _. "Basically, you can have them. You can help organize them, and you can send workers to complete whatever you have to complete, but as SGC's CO you can't be the one doing the work."_ The former JAG from the JCS had told her.

Jordan had sighed deeply when she told him the news. Knowing him, Sam was sure he was worried about the many families they would have to lay off if they needed to break the companies up. "We do it together, or we take them all down." He had stated. When Sam offered to step down.

She shook herself out of her thoughts, once the bell rang. She walked to the door, and a young woman smiled at her. "Hi, I'm searching for Samantha Carter?"

"That'd be me."

"Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm the one you hired to take care of Parker." She smiled and Sam let her in. She looked exactly like the picture she'd found of her. Jessica's thoroughly done background check was clean. Sam had analyzed her for a while and hadn't found anything wrong with her.

"Parker!" She called. "This is Jessica, she'll be staying with you." Parker nodded. Sam looked at her daughter, fighting with the paranoia of leaving her with a perfect stranger. She asked her to walk with her to the entryway. "P, if anything happens, call me. I'll be here ASAP. And I mean anything P."

"Okay, mom. Have fun." Parker grinned.

Sam donned her now heavier dress blues jacket and Parker sighed.

It wasn't the first time she'd seen her mom transform right in front of her eyes. From her loving mother to this cold person. If she was honest, this woman looked nothing at all like the Samantha Carter from the picture she'd seen. That Samantha Carter had had a spark of something in her eyes. Whereas there was absolutely nothing left in her mom's eyes before she left the house.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this email from Loverustal earlier:  
> Post 60, please.
> 
> So... I'm pretty sure none of us can believe we are already at chapter 60...   
> Happy 60! ... Or whatever ... :P

**Sunday, August 12, 2012.**

After fighting with herself not to drive back home, with every turn she knew that could take her back. She'd checked her phone with the corner of her eye and had even stopped to the side of the road once to make sure her sound was on and not on silent as she usually kept it.

She stopped the frantic checking of her phone the minute she turned on to the CO-115. Sam could've sworn that Jack's house hadn't been that close to Cheyenne before. "Your house, not Jack's," she mumbled, trying to get used to the idea that she was living in the house he used to own, without him.

She finally arrived on Norad RD. There still wasn't a message or call from Parker. She didn't know if she liked that or not. On one hand, that could mean that Jessica was trustworthy. That Parker and the girl liked each, and that there was no lie hidden four or five layers below all the data she and Jordan had dug out about the woman.

On the other hand, Sam wasn't sure she wanted to trust someone with her daughter. Not when she would be needed day after day with the new schedule Sam would have. There wasn't any time to get to know the young woman and filter her out if she was in fact hiding something.

Her mind stopped that train of thought the moment she completed the first half turn that placed her in the shadow of the mountain. From there, as she drove to Cheyenne Mountain complex, she noticed how eerily familiar the views were. As Colorado Springs appeared to her left and the mountains took the view of the right side, the knot in her stomach intensified. She realized how close she was now, to the only place that had ever felt like home to her.

She wasn't expected today. So she doubted a for a second if she should just stop in the parking lot and walk her way. Deciding she didn't want to do that on her blues. Too much attention, too long of a walk on heels that she wasn't used to wearing anymore. She turned to the proper side and was stopped at the first checkpoint.

"Good morning, ma'am. We'll need some ID." The airman said. She produced her ID and gave it to him. "I'll be just a moment, ma'am." He said as he disappeared for a while.

Sam gulped, she'd never been subjected to that before. The first time she had arrived with the Pentagon crew. They had all been rushed inside. After that, they were so used to see her, that she only needed to flash her ID before they let her through.

"General Carter, ma'am. I'm sorry, I'll need to check your car before I can allow you inside." The airman said. Sam felt a bit sorry for him. He seemed to be nervous about telling her that. She nodded.

Her former self would've sighed at this because it would've taken time out of her already tight schedule. No matter how early she got onto the base, there was always something that needed her attention. Back in the day, if she was called in for an emergency, they would lift the barrier the moment they spotted her plates. As if they had reasons to believe she was needed to save the world.

She wondered if people at the top levels ever suspected what was really going on inside the base. She was considering she might learn that now, that it was her responsibility to keep the base safe, and its contents secret.

"You are ready to go, ma'am." The airman announced before he opened the barrier. She nodded again and closed her window. Her paranoid self was kinda ecstatic about how seriously they took the checkpoint now. It meant things were taken far more seriously now than back in the day. She wondered how much security had been tightened once Home World Security moved inside Cheyenne, as per her recommendation.

She parked in a visitor's spot. She imagined which one was General Landry's and if any of the trucks she saw belonged to Jack. She checked the plates of the ones nearby, trying not to look too suspicious. But she knew it would look that way if she kept checking them. Instead of getting herself to the first entry point.

"It's General Landry on base?" She asked the Airman. Since it looked as if they weren't quite sure what to do with her. He typed something in the computers and nodded. "I need a word with him. I can take the visitor pass for now." She said.

Not quite sure if it was proper or not, the airman sighed. "I'll need to check that with him, ma'am." So she waited, again. Feeling a bit nervous at being standing by the entry of the base. Knowing she was under the surveillance of exactly nine different cameras that'd hacked into on a regular basis.

"Yes, sir. General Carter said she would take the visitor's pass." Sam heard her mumble and then, "of course, sir," he said and lowered the phone. "Ma'am. General Landry apologizes for not having your pass ready. We'll solve it before you leave today."

"Great," Sam said.

"Will you need help to get to his office, ma'am?"

"No. I know my way around this place." Sam stated. "Thanks."

She walked to the elevators. Waited for one of them to come up, praying that it wouldn't open to reveal one of the people she was so desperately afraid to meet. When the doors opened, she found an empty car, and she walked inside.

The second entry point at level eleven was easier to pass. The airmen there had already received a call from Landry to let them know she could come through. The second shaft was even more nerve-racking as she waited for it. The chances of it opening up to reveal Daniel, Janet, Teal'c or Janet were higher. They all had to come through this floor to make their way topside.

She relaxed a bit once the doors opened and there were just two junior personnel. She didn't know who had saluted her before they walked out of the elevator. Some worry about being recognized too soon left her as the doors finally opened on level twenty-seven.

Then the knot made itself known. All the personnel she had encountered so far were junior. It made sense they hadn't recognized her. They all seemed to be fresh out of training. It also made sense. Even if it was the SGC, she shouldn't expect people to remain eleven years at the front desk. If they hoped to advance their careers. No matter how top secret the front desk on the eleventh floor was.

Now, she did know that Walter was still around. Just like Siler and most of the people who used to work back in her days. Cheyenne wasn't only a top-secret base, but one that needed people to remain inside to cut down the chances of it becoming public by a mistake.

There was no-one at the side office that used to hold Hammond's assistant. So, she walked straight up to Landry's door and knocked.

"Enter," Landry said, and Sam cracked the door open. "Ah, you must be General Carter."

"Yes, sir."

"Drop the sir, General. It's just Hank."

"Not until tomorrow, sir." She stated.

"A stickler for the rules, huh? You might struggle with this command then. Rules are complex to manage here," Landry smiled.

"I'm aware of that," Sam stated.

"Well, General, what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to get some insight from you, General. Any information you might have that could help me settle in better."

At least an hour, and a round of coffee later. Landry was still pointing out names and details she could use. That was when she spotted someone coming closer from the corner of her eye. There was a knock on the window that divided the office from the briefing room.

"Enter," Landry said, sighing.

"Hank! I just came to say goodbye!" A dark-haired woman who was sporting pigtails said cheerfully.

"Vala, I'm sure you could've waited," Landry said, shaking his head. He had grown used to the alien woman and her ways after all those years and situations she had put them through.

"And miss whoever she is?" Vala smiled.

"Vala, this is General Carter. She will take command of the SGC. General Carter, meet Vala Mal Doran… Your future pain in the ass."

"Well, now I have a reputation to uphold! Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Sam said.

"Okay, now that you know who she is. Why don't you leave us alone, Vala? Go bother Doctor Jackson or Doctor Frasier." Sam froze.

"Are they on base today?" Sam asked, her voice trembled a little. Vala frowned for a second before she dismissed it. Sam took her chance to look at her phone for a second. "Oh, I should go. Thanks for the insight, General." She said standing up and walking away.

"That was odd," Vala added.

"Give the woman a break, Vala. She came only to learn what's going on here. Which means she cares about her personnel. You could've fared a lot worse if you ask me," Landry said as they both looked at the closed door.

**Sunday, August 12, 2012.**

There was a knock at Jack's door. Followed by the door being opened slightly before he even had a chance to say enter. Knowing who was already inside his office, Jack wasn't surprised when Vala popped her head inside.

"I thought I might find you here," she said, grinning at Daniel. "General," Vala acknowledged Jack after plopping herself on Daniel's lap.

"How did you find me?" Daniel asked, giving Jack a regretful smile.

"Well, you're both late for the farewell lunch for General Landry," she beamed at them. Then, all of the sudden, she glared at Daniel and slapped him. His hand found his red cheek as he frowned in confusion.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"It's preemptive."

"For what? Having too much coffee during lunch?!" He sighed exasperatedly. Vala's pigtails moved quickly from one side to the other.

"What? I know you love that black, fuel-like thing a tad too much. I've just met Landry's replacement." She said. Tension rose in the office as Daniel and Jack exchanged a confused glance.

"Jack? I thought they were going for a temp." Daniel frowned in confusion.

"That's what I thought too, Daniel. I hope they didn't decide to try a civilian again. The shortlist I saw…" Jack trailed.

"Neither of them said she was a temp." Vala shrugged.

"Honey? What can you tell us about the replacement?" Daniel asked then, knowing that whoever Vala had found out about the replacement. She most likely paid a lot of attention to some details.

"Gorgeous looking woman. Lots of thingies placed on her jacket."

"Thingies?"

"You know... Those pins Mitchell berated me for giving to the Tuvh people. The ones we had to go back and exchange again for some real fabric," she added with a roll of her eyes.

"Ribbons?" Jack asked feeling a bit of interest.

"What did her jacket look like?"

"Blue, like Jack's... But different. She had one star where Jack has three… The ribbons where all different too. Some of them were similar. Anyhow, tall… I'd say 175, looked a bit taller than me." She said pensively and looked at Daniel, rolled her eyes and added, "5'8". Fit and lean. I could tell she works out a lot. I wonder if she knows how to fight? Hmm, she didn't seem like a, what did you call it? Desk flier! Sorry, Jack. You don't look like a desk flier either. Also pale white skin. Her hair was braided. Maybe long hair? I'm not sure… Most women here have short hair. But the airwomen, they always have it up in braids."

"Vala!" Daniel called, only to stop her fast rambling.

"It was curious, though. Landry said she was General Carter. You know, like Jake."

"General Carter?" Daniel frowned, looking at Jack more confused than before. The frown was replicated on Jack's. "It can't be. Can it?"

"I have no clue, Daniel." He said. "But there's a way to find out."

"How?"

"Vala, if I show you a picture, would you be able to tell if it's the same woman?"

"Sure! I have an excellent memory as I've proved several times." Jack unlocked his computer. Searching fast through his files to find the videos of the trial. He turned his screen towards her and his direct line to the President went off.

"O'Neill." He answered. Vala almost entered his computer screen as she tried to see if it was the same woman.

_"Jack!"_ Hayes said on the other end.

"Yup! That's her." Vala said at the same time.

"If you give me a sec, Mr. President. I'll get rid of my guests." He said a bit harshly. Daniel already stood up and was dragging Vala outside.

"Wait! Do you know her? Who is she?" Vala asked. Those were the last words he understood since Daniel closed the door behind them.

"I believe there's something you missed informing me, Mr. President," Jack almost growled. He was aware it was his Commander-in-Chief. He also knew Hayes was informed of his attempts of trying to find her through the years, mostly because he had briefed him himself.

_"I did, didn't I? How do you know?"_ Hayes chuckled nervously.

"That the SGC has a new CO? Apparently, the new CO had a meeting with the current one. I've just been told that General Carter was selected? There was no General Carter in the shortlist I saw."

_"It was a last-minute thing, Jack."_

"So last minute that you forgot to let me know, sir?" He mumbled, but Hayes heard.

_"Jack…"_ Hayes started. _"I didn't know how to let you know. So now that's out… There's a thing I also have to mention to you."_

"What's that?"

_"She won't be reporting to you."_

"She won't?" He frowned.

_"She'll present her reports to you, so you can know what's happening in there, but she'll report to the JCS,"_ Hayes explained.

"Why?"

_"You know why, Jack."_

"No. Enlighten me." Hayes sighed.

_"Jack… Why didn't you ever mentioned you married her?"_ Hayes's voice softened.

"I…"

_"She figured it was better to go ahead and lay it on the table. It was a smart move, according to Johansson. Since she announced it, there could be measures taken before it came back to bite your ass or hers too."_

"Which one was Johansson again?"

_"The former JAG."_

"God… Does it mean that the whole damn thing could've been avoided if I had married her earlier?"

_"That's a Johansson question, Jack. But there's something 'bout married people working under the same chain that makes this possible. Or that's what he argued when they were trying to decide if it was a good call or not._ " Jack sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. _"I'm sorry, Jack. I really didn't know how to drop the bomb on you after she dropped the wedding bomb on us. I thought it was a nice way to have her back and all. With all you said about her mind and skills, during all those years searching for her."_

"Yeah, I guess it's a done deal now, sir. We'll figure it out. Don't worry, Mr. President. Worse case, I'll resign or ask to move HWS to the Pentagon again."

" _I really hope this works, Jack. You've searched for her so badly, that I did my best to get her as close to you as I could."_

"Thanks, Mr. President. Believe it or not, I really appreciate it."

They exchanged a few more words before they finally ended the call. Once he lowered the phone on its cradle, Jack hit his desk with his forehead and let out a growl. Fucking Hayes was a romantic, and Jack knew it. That was why he was allowed to search for Sam, to begin with. Now, it seemed that his romantic side just came out to bite in in the ass.

'She mentioned we are married! What was she thinking?' He thought. "Johansson said it was for the best." He mumbled. He checked his phone. There were several missed calls and messages from Daniel. He was late for Landry's farewell. Shaking himself, he guarded his feeling as he had perfected the past eleven years, fourth months, and thirty days… But who was counting, anyway?


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go... short and depressing.. exactly what we needed... :P

**Sunday, August 12, 2012.**

Sam got home feeling something that had accompanied her for the past few years. She hadn't recognized it during the first days of her journey. Now, she was so acquainted with it that she could easily pinpoint what seemed like a surge of fear, threatening to drown her.

For the first couple of years as she and Parker were still under WITSEC, the fear had always followed whenever she was meeting someone new or even outside in the crowd. When they started living under her own rules, it only became worse. The fear of being recognized and having to explain something she couldn't was too big. That encounter with Harper had left her scraping her sanity together for the longest time.

She wanted to believe. That she wasn't afraid of meeting her long-lost friends, but deep down she knew that she was beyond terrified. She knew the encounter had to happen sooner rather than later. Her friends were SG-1 and at some point, they were due to have a briefing. She wouldn't be able to escape.

Even if she could escape them. The way for it to happen would be to face him first. Landry had said, " _General O'Neill can come off as a bit of an ass, however, whenever I needed someone to step up and take my place for a few days. He always helped. So, don't be afraid to ask for his insight or help."_

As an answer, she had nodded. What could she have said, anyway? Yeah, that sounds like the Jack I knew? Yup, that's just like the husband I remember? Somehow, it didn't seem appropriate to answer that way.

She shook her head and paid attention to parking her car. She was tense. The knot in her stomach was close to becoming gastritis pain. She wanted nothing more than curling up in her bed and crying for her own inability to face people she knew and loved.

The smell of food, once she entered her house, made her hungry. The sound of her keys over the silence brought Parker out of her reading.

"Mommy! Jessica is making lasagna," Sam smiled at that. Somehow, her daughter still had a carefree easiness in her that allowed her to become taken with the young woman she'd brought into their home.

"Hey, General Carter," Jessica said coming out of the kitchen. Sam clenched her jaw at the honorific.

"Sam's alright. I don't want to mix work with home." Jessica smiled.

"I understand. Can I call you Miss C? Sam feels a bit too personal."

"Whatever you like. Just not General"

"Sure, Miss C! You should get changed. My dad's a retired General. He spent a lot of money trying to get rid of tomato sauce out of his uniform. Then a lot more buying one new." Jessica said with a quick smile.

Again, that heavy feeling that she shouldn't trust this woman, no matter how thoroughly her background research had been, swept in. Sam could feel a headache forming behind her eyes. She knew it was from repressed feelings and excessive worry. 'Stress' she decided to name it because it made more sense for a grown independent kick-ass woman to be 'stressed' than paranoid. But as her experience had proved, Shakespeare was right and 'a rose by any other name still smelled as sweet.' Or in her case, just smelled.

She could change names a million times, and she knew the guilt would never leave her. No matter how many people she helped get back to their lives. The first step, her first step, was the one that counted. The one that would change her life for good.

It was a sweet, loving, first step. Kissing Jack, knowing it would be her last chance and gaining her the most wonderful week. She simply hoped she could remember that week as much as she should. But truth was, she barely remembered what it felt like to be held by Jack anymore.

She shook her head. Lately, every thought seemed to gravitate back to Jack. Like a magnet pulling her close to him and at the same time, just showing her just how far away she was from being his other half. She clenched her jaw. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to break. At least not now, when there was a stranger in her home, not when Parker was still awake. Not when she could be easily found out.

Shaking her head, she got changed quickly and joined them for lunch.

At least not now. Later tonight, she could retire to Jack's bedroom and let the shattered pieces of her fall.

**Sunday, August 12, 2012.**

Everyone at the SGC knew he was far from the joy of any party. However, Jack also knew he was far more taciturn today, that he had been in the past few months or years. His mood was comparable to those first days after Sam had left him.

'No,' he shook his head. 'She didn't leave you. They forced her to go. There's a difference.' He tried to convince himself that at least somewhere deep inside she hadn't left him. That she hadn't forgotten him.

He was every bit as exhausted as before. The weariness from all the traveling around and stupid confrontations that came from the trials. These experiences were far from becoming a memory of a time where he slept little and worried a lot. No, that was still fresh, and it was still his current behavior.

Now, the knowledge that she was in town was driving him insane.

Jack knew by the way Janet and Teal'c were keeping tabs on him, that either Daniel or Vala had informed them about the situation. Sometimes, he hated working with his friends. They always knew when things were wrong. They hadn't really left him to drown himself in his sorrows, not all the time, at least.

It didn't help that whenever he wanted some time to himself. He ended up in his cabin with all the memories surrounding him. Despite the fact that his family, for the most part, was minding their own business. It was clear to him that they had never stopped worrying about him. Harper had popped up at his house after she figured out Sam was alive. 'The boys' as he called Declan, Sean, and Finn, made sure to take him out somewhere so he wouldn't be coddled up inside the whole time. Libby would find ways to get him out of the house. Sharon, Connor, and his parents were the ones there for the silent support or a shoulder to cry on.

All in all, it was difficult for Jack to process things by himself. He knew they all meant well. But what he really just wanted to go home and lick wounds he didn't have. He shouldn't have. She hadn't left him. She was ordered to go. They had ordered him to take her and leave. It was a trap. It was meant as a life sentence. There was a whole horde of people trying to find out where she was. To make her comply and move off-world to some backwater planet. Where she would be used for her mind, to be forced to work as a slave for them. Using Jack as leverage to get what they wanted from her.

Jack saw a chance to escape the SGC after failing to deliver a funny farewell toast. He apologized to Landry and made a beeline to the parking lot. 'Well, not exactly a beeline...' He thought. Jack decided he would visit the man later so he could explain his actions. Hank didn't ask the reason behind his mood, but Jack knew he didn't deserve the way he was acting. Hank deserved good memories of the place that had managed to reunite him and his daughter.

He huffed. Turning the engine on, he drove back to his place.

As he watched the mountain from his rearview mirror, he thought that maybe there was some sort of magic juju at the SGC. It had managed to make Sam fix her relationship with her dad. Janet had found Cassie. Teal'c and Daniel had managed to get over the fact that Teal'c killed Sha're. After a bad injury, Janet found Teal'c. It made Daniel find Vala. It made Sam his 2IC and later his wife.

Maybe… Just maybe, the magic juju would work for them after all this time. Maybe they would find themselves part of a weird soap opera. She would run into his arms the moment he opened them. Crying as rain poured down on them, making it seem as if he wasn't crying too. Then, he would embrace her tightly and never let her go. Kissing her senseless until death do them apart.

He snorted then. "What kind of sappy ass are you becoming, O'Neill?" he said to himself.

Home was now even closer to the SGC. There was now only a ten minutes' drive in bad traffic. When it could've taken twenty from his old place. He liked that old place. He had considered buying it back, but memories…. He parked the truck.

Absentmindedly, he entered his house. That after all the years of finding cameras, he had, at last, learned to lock. The only noise inside it was the clink of his keys in the bowl by the entrance. A gift from Cassie, so it would look more home-y than it did.

There were no memories in this place. No team nights, no barbecues, no Sam sprawled over his island or lying naked on his bed. He walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Before he walked to the backyard and up to the rooftop, he had built. The only place he truly missed from his old home.

Even when he knew his friends knew how bad he must be feeling. He also was aware they wouldn't come visiting tonight. They wouldn't barge into his home demanding that he be somewhat the man he wasn't anymore. Sometimes, he could get away with being that man. But at the end of the day, he would always come back to the empty vessel that was left.

"They're equally shocked, most likely," he said, to no one before he took a sip of his beer. Truth was, there was no preview of what would happen next. There was no short version of how she had jumped from Major to General in a blink of an eye. No public notification of her promotions… Nothing that would give them a heads up. It was as if the reader of their book had just skipped the whole prologue.

"Fuck, Jack… you're fucked up tonight." He mumbled. It wasn't like he thought she didn't deserve the promotions, "Fuck you mind! It's not like she doesn't have what it takes to be a fucking General. You know she did, way before you became one."

If there was anyone who knew how capable she was, having been on the receiving end of her life-saving skills, it was him. He knew she could get there, but boy, he was surprised that she did.

He shook his head, at the same time, he wasn't surprised at all. For crying out loud, she had mounted a scheme that had brought down a whole damn operation! What she had done was far beyond what most Colonel's do to get promoted.

"Goddamn it, Jack. You were Brigadier General for a year before they considered you experienced enough for HWS. You didn't build fifteen fucking companies out of the blue with the help of people you rescued from a fucked-up cabal!"

No, he was still there. They still weren't allowing him to retire. If only because they said they couldn't find someone who could fill his shoes. Carter would, fucking soon. Her fucking shoes would be ginormous besides his. Her ovaries would be exponentially bigger than his own balls, too! He chuckled at this thought. It reminded him of that silly comment about her reproductive organs. He could almost see her in front of him, telling him that all over again.

Almost… because he had forgotten exactly how blue her eyes were, or how blonde her hair was. He had seen her in that footage. Where the woman that looked like the Carter he knew, but wasn't her at all.

He took another sip of his now lukewarm beer and grimaced. There was something lurking in his mind, something weighing down his shoulders. Something knotting his stomach in a painful way. Something managing to make him fight the tears that were forming.

His head began to throb. He was containing it, but the truth was it needed to be released. He wondered if he could admit it. If only to himself, the night sky, and the almost non-existent wind.

"I'm fucking scared." He whispered, and the world didn't end. "Terrified, that's what I am. Terrified, that I'm not enough anymore."


	62. Chapter 62

**Monday, August 13, 2012.**

Henry Hayes had called Sam the previous day, allowing her to let some tension flow off her shoulders for that night.

 _"General! It's great that I've found you."_ Hayes had chuckled in her ear nervously. If the man wasn't her commander-in-chief officially now, she would've joked that he would always find her if he was calling the last number she gave him. _"Look, we messed up the schedule. So, you have one more day of leave before getting to your command. I bet you can make better use of your time than going to the base only to find Landry still there."_

"Sure, thanks for letting me know, Mr. President." She had said.

There was an odd feeling about the call and the whole conversation, really. Had someone found out about her visit and was ill at ease with her presence there? Was that why Hayes called? She'd wondered before she hid herself in the shower after settling Parker for the night.

The nervous knot in the pit of her stomach followed her into the next day. At least, she had a chance of organizing things a bit better. Figuring out a schedule wasn't something she wasn't used to. Now it seemed it would be a bit more complex than it was before. Nothing she couldn't handle though, she thought as she sipped her coffee waiting for Parker.

"Good morning, P." Sam smiled. She could see the tension on her daughter's shoulders as easily as she'd added that weight to her own. "I made you some pancakes."

"Are these hope-you-fit-well pancakes? Or just pancakes?" P asked cheerily. Sam grimaced playfully.

"Blueberry pancakes… I think those fall into you-are-growing-too-fast pancakes." Parker snorted. "You think you're ready for a school that you might go to for more than a year?" Sam asked after a while.

"God, yes!" Parker said before she looked up with scared eyes.

"Don't worry, I know it was bad." Sam smiled in understanding. "I grew up changing schools, too. Although, I got to keep my name, no matter how much I didn't want to be myself back then."

"It wasn't bad, mom. It was just… Different from anyone else's life. I guess." She had a sip of the milk Sam had placed in front of her to go with the pancakes. "Now, it will all change. I know if I screw up something, I won't have a 'no worries, I won't be here next year anyway' out." She shrugged.

"What about you? Are you nervous? About starting work tomorrow?" Parker asked after a while.

"The truth?" Sam grimaced.

"Always." P grinned.

"I'm terrified. I can't let it show, though. I'm the boss." Sam said.

"You've always been the boss, mom. There's nothing new there."

Sam smiled and shook her head. Thinking there was a time where she was so far from being the boss. Her experience as the last link of the chain under several bosses was what she used to become a better leader. However, she'd never been a 'military CO'. A 2IC, yes. The one with the wacko ideas of how to save the world, yes. But the calls were never hers to make, the responsibility of the outcome wasn't hers to bear alone.

"Earth to mom?" Parker grinned. Sam shook her head.

"Go get ready. Or you'll be late."

Ten minutes later, Sam was dropping Parker off at her new school.

"Are you sure you really want to do this? We can always go back on it." Sam asked.

"Yes, mom. It was boring, really." P said.

Parker was offered to skip not only one grade but two. However, Sam drew the line at one. She knew if there was someone who could fit in easily, that would be Parker. Yet, it worried her that she could fuck up her psychological development even more after growing up changing names once a year.

"Okay. Have fun. Call me if anything goes wrong. If you want to go to a public school, or if you want to get back to elementary instead of jumping to middle school."

"I'll be okay, mom. We've been through a lot worse, haven't we?"

"I guess we have," Sam said.

"Besides you jumped a grade too, and here you are… All grown up with no major issues." She said placing a quick kiss on her mom's cheek and jumping down out of the SUV.

Sam was struck. "God, you need to find her a psych." She said rubbing her face. If she was the reference for mental stability…. Then Parker could be fucked up very soon.

**Tuesday, August 14, 2012.**

Sam wondered if the USAF had something with the fourteens. Maybe it was just the end of the weirdest cycle of her life. The day she stopped being Major Sam Carter had been a fourteen. Now the day people would learn she was General Sam Carter was also a fourteen. Whatever it was, the knot that had accompanied her since that day at the President's office was so tight, that she couldn't even have a cup of coffee that morning.

She knew she should be the poster woman for the imposter syndrome. She was utterly well acquainted with the persistent feeling of inadequacy, self-doubt, and the fear everyone figured out she was just a fraud. Added to the loads of guilt and anxiety she felt, Sam was the perfect ticking bomb.

Shaking her head, she squared her shoulders and smiled brightly to her daughter, when Parker joined her by the entrance. Her backpack hanging from one strap off her shoulder, her hair in a ponytail. Parker crooked her head and smiled. Yup, the woman in front of her looked nothing like her mom and at the same time, it was her mom.

"It's so weird to see you with a braid."

"Really? The braid is what bothers you out of all of this?" Sam shook her head as she waved her hand over her dress blues.

"Well, you look good on them. The braid does look weird. I don't think I've ever seen you wearing that hairstyle before," P shrugged as they walked to the waiting SUV. "I can remember ponytails, long hair, short hair, waved, curly and straight hair. Several shades of it too… But no braids." Sam laughed at that. At least this conversation was taking her mind off what was supposed to happen soon.

"So, you are saying you don't like it?"

"It looks nice… but I've always liked you better with short hair." She shrugged. "Wishing you luck!" P added, placing a kiss on her cheek before she rushed out mixing with the kids entering the school.

Sam gulped. There was no escape now. She would have to drive to the base and introduce herself to the new and old personnel of the SGC. She wasn't looking forward to doing that. Standing in front of the people who had known her from before, now as a General, when she knew some of them deserved the spot more than she did…. No, she would take that out of her list of things to do, if she could.

Never had she driven the road to Cheyenne so slowly before. The weight on her shoulders and the tension growing with every mile as the mountain appeared closer to her. She flashed her ID at the entrance before long.

"Sorry, ma'am. It's protocol." The guard had apologized as he did a quick sweep of her SUV with the same level of care they had done on Sunday.

She found an empty, unmarked parking spot and took it. She would figure out which one was the one she was supposed to take whenever she knew it wasn't right next to HWS CO's. Then only if she'd grown some resolve to actually speak to him first.

Surprising the airmen at the first checkpoint, when the tip of her lip curved slightly. Sam imagined parking next to Jack's truck and coming down out of her SUV to find him there. "Fancy meeting you here, Carter." She thought he would say, and she would answer somewhere along the lines of, "there's no better place to be at, sir." She huffed. She was too engrossed in her thoughts, yet she still noticed how the airmen exchanged a quick glance.

"Something wrong?" she asked, causing them to square their shoulders quickly.

"No, ma'am. You can go in now, ma'am."

Things were so damn easy back then, she thought as the elevator doors closed behind her. She was Carter, his 2IC. The brain that someone thought they needed. But so damn green that she thought it was almost pathetic. There were so many better field officers than herself. Yet she had somehow landed that position as his 2IC. She had proven herself, or at least she thought she had.

'But did you? Where you even good enough? Or was he just blinded by attraction?' her mind provided. She clenched her jaw. She reached the second checkpoint. Soon, she was standing in front of Landry's former and currently empty office.

She looked around. She had no idea what she could or would place on those shelves behind the desk. There were no fancy ornaments she wanted on display. She, sure as hell, wouldn't showcase her medals. She felt embarrassed enough from just having those, at least the latter ones. But she couldn't just display her old ones without raising some doubts about the lack of new ones.

It wasn't long before she sat in the chair that didn't feel like hers when there was a knock on her door. "Enter," she had said and tried to look like the General she supposedly was. "Walter?"

"Ma'am?" he blinked. That was the only sign of surprise she got before he smiled at her. "Ma'am." He nodded. "I wanted to know how you're settling in? When can I start bringing the paperwork for you to analyze? General Landry didn't leave any specifics about how we should do this."

"Yesterday, Walter. I needed those papers yesterday." She said honestly. Knowing she was behind when she hadn't even started yet.

"No worries, ma'am. I know you will be up to speed in no time." He smiled. "Permission to…"

"Go bring them." He almost skipped to his office, making Sam's lips curve slightly. 'At least there's one reunion that went well.' She thought. He showed up a minute later with a pile of folders that was large enough to make her sigh.

"There are two more of these," Walter said. "Want them now or when you finish those, ma'am?"

"Bring them all in. There's enough space." Five minutes later, Sam could barely be seen from the pile of files on her desk.

"It's good to have you back, ma'am." She could feel the smile in his voice, but the doubt crept in. 'Is it?' She wondered. That stopped her from answering him. "Is there anything else I could do for you, ma'am?" he asked when she didn't answer back.

"Yes. There's one thing."

"Yes?"

"Do not tell anyone I'm here, Chief," Sam said, with a firm voice she'd forgotten she had. If she could see the man, she would know he'd lost his ever-present smile and was now frowning at her attitude.

"Yes, ma'am."

She started reading as the door of her office closed. After two hours, she wondered if she could hide under the paperwork for the entire day before someone came searching for her. Then her internal phone went off.

"Carter."

"Ma'am, just to remind you, there's a briefing in an hour with SG-1, SG-15, and 20. The file should be in the first pile I brought to you."

"Great." She said, but it sounded bitter. "Thanks, Chief." She added, feeling a bit guilty from treating him like that. Truth was, she didn't know how to treat him, or deal with people anymore.

The only adults she'd actually spoken with on an almost regular basis were Jordan and Jenna. However, only Jordan and Parker had managed her to loosen some walls she'd placed around her truest self. Could she learn to be her old self in the way she'd learned to be this version of herself?

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she searched the folder marked for SG-1's mission. She shook her head. She would meet her friends, along with two teams made from people she never met before. That meant they needed to see she was every bit the commanding officer, she wasn't feeling she was.

She saw the first members of the teams reach the briefing room before she'd managed to finish the file. The mission itself looked like it would need the three teams, even if she only knew what SG-1 was about.

It was just a humanitarian mission, but on a planet that was nearing the end of its cycle. So, the entire focus of the mission was helping the sick and feeding the hungry. Along with convincing the chieftain that the better option was to use the Kappa site as a temporary village. Until they could find somewhere better for them to be at.

Kappa site, she shook her head. The last time she was around the SGC, they were barely at Gamma. How on Earth was the SGC still not disclosed with so many people living off-world?

She felt his presence before she walked outside. The tingling sensation of Naquadah in someone else's body. The throbbing hum in her veins was something she'd felt every single day for the past eleven years. That thing that made her conclude, with no need for a blood test, that Parker had inherited the markers and somehow the Naquadah too.

This one wasn't as strong. It was as if it was dulled with time. She frowned. It couldn't be Teal'c, could it? She was sure the humming she shared with Teal'c was much stronger than Parker's, but this felt like a worn version of it. Maybe someone else was a host for a while….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look... A cliffie... :D


	63. Chapter 63

**Tuesday, August 14, 2012**

It was a mix of the tingling sensation of Naquadah in someone else. The curiosity about who might it be and the time that made her walk away from her hiding spot and into the briefing room. She spotted Teal'c. Her mind provided her with the knowledge that there was no Junior anymore within him. 'Maybe that's why it's so mild.' she thought.

A second, more powerful tingling sensation settled under her skin, suddenly. That one, she could recognize easily, when the dark-haired woman rushed in to sit on the only empty chair left at the table. It was the same sensation she had felt when Vala Mal Doran had entered Landry's office two days earlier. She hadn't bothered to ask because she knew eventually, she would figure out how that it came to be.'Yes, that's the humming of a former host.' She thought, stepping out with determination.

Sam suppressed a cringe when there was a loud noise, as chairs were dragged across the floor. All the military personnel around the table stood up at attention as she entered. She wondered if Jack hated it as much as she did.

Then she clenched her jaw. Among the standing people, there was Janet, Lt. Colonel Fraiser. 'Fuck! That woman deserves a promotion to General far more than I do,' Sam thought. Then blinked.

"At tease. Take your seats," she said.

It was her voice; it seemed what made some people at the table look at her with widened eyes. Yes, three out of the five members of SG1 knew her from way back then. She'd called them friends and loved them as much or more than her own brother.

Daniel, Teal'c, and Janet knew she was joining them at the SGC. Knowing it and living it were two different things. They knew her from before, both in and out of the mountain. She had been the perfect soldier when needed, however, she had also been a good friend both in and out of the base. The cold eyes, icy demeanor, and the way she was carrying herself were shocking to them. It was so different from the warm, caring Sam they had once known.

Truth was, Sam wanted nothing more than to rush to their sides and embrace them tightly. Never to let them go again. However, her position and the fact that if she followed her desires, it would most likely cause her to break in front of an unknown crew. That made her take a breath that couldn't even be as deep as she needed, not wanting to call attention to herself.

"Doctor Jackson, Doctor Frasier, Teal'c." She said. With the cold, detached voice she'd used during the whole trial and even before that. The voice of the woman she now was. So different from the one she wasn't anymore.

The trio looked at her with a mix of shock and sadness in their eyes. Understanding shone through Teal'c's eyes. He'd been there, in shoes similar to her current ones, when he had returned to the Jaffa nation. Back then, he was an outsider, the former traitor, and the disappeared friend. When he returned to them, he was also their leader, thus he couldn't show weakness.

The way Daniel was looking at her was less understanding. It was filled with questions that couldn't be let out, not here, not now. Then she looked around to find ten confused people looking at her as if she had grown another head. Daniel nodded once, agreeing with her. It wasn't the time. However, she had given that simple reaction hundreds of meanings, none of them good in her opinion.

How could she think that a simple nod was something good? When she'd just buried down years of friendship just by calling him Doctor Jackson in the cold way she just had?

Beside him, Janet looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Then, she nodded towards the other side of the table. Where the members of S15 and 20 along with Mitchell and Vala looked back at Sam expectantly.

"Miss Mal Doran, Mitchell. I'm sorry. Those are all the names I know for now. I'll learn them all soon enough. Now, let's get started," Sam said then. Thinking that telling them, she knew their names and parts of their lives better than themselves, thanks to her investigation, but hadn't ever seen them in person was a bit too freaky.

The entire exchange lasted less than a minute, yet it had drained her. She felt her former friends' eyes on her. Yet, whenever she tried to see if they were looking at her or how glare-ish the look was, they seemed to be avoiding looking at her. Despite everything she thought one would feel after something like this briefing, the whole idea of sending people off-world to face only God knew what… Somehow made her feel relieved.

She couldn't tell that to a soul, though. It made her also feel extremely guilty. SG-1 was leaving the SGC for three days. Three days that she would have to gather herself together after facing them like this. Three days to figure out how she would deal with this new situation, she was faced with. Three days to decide if she wanted to try to get back to her old naïve and caring self or keep her stance as it was. She shook her head. Maybe she should simply be whatever she had become and finally embrace this version, she had been living as.

The other people, the ones she hadn't known, had simply looked at her. They hadn't doubted her words or her decisions. They hadn't questioned her knowledge or lack thereof. They hadn't brought up that they had no clue as to why she had made General over the other Colonels they might know, but then again, neither did her former friends.

Now, the thing niggling the back of her mind was… How screwed up their relationship was? They hadn't followed her to her office to speak with her after the briefing. They hadn't stayed put in the briefing room waiting for her to come clean.

She rubbed her face. She hadn't tried either. She had stood up just like Hammond would back in the day, and walked to her office. She even closed the door behind her.

"You are going to drive yourself crazier, Samantha," she mumbled. Then noticed the hour. It made sense why they hadn't followed. Since she wasn't there the previous day, their briefing was scheduled close to their departure. They still had to go through the entire process before they could be present and accounted for in the embarkation room.

She shook her head. There was a knock on her door. She called for whoever it was to enter, as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Headache?" Janet asked, popping her head in. Sam nodded once, curtly. "May I, ma'am?" she asked then as if she remembered who she was talking to. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am."

Sam felt the urge to cringe and press the bridge of her nose again. The tension settled in her shoulders and her jaw clenched tightly. Being called ma'am by Janet was like icy-cold water splashed on her. She could feel every drop prickling her skin.

"Go ahead."

"This is so weird," were Janet's first words. "We all thought you were dead, then Davis said you weren't. Jack confirmed this and then Cassie's card… Then Daniel… Never mind." She waved. "The thing is… It's weird. It'll take a while, but I know we'll come through. We always do."

"I hope you're right…" Sam doubted. What should she call her now? Doctor? Colonel? Janet?

"Huh, well. I thought I'd come by and let you know that things have changed, but people haven't. Now, if you excuse me, ma'am. I should be finishing gearing up."

The look Janet had given her. Told her she had screwed it up, again. But she couldn't help it. She wanted to think she knew them, but the truth was, it had been so long ago that she wasn't sure she did anymore. Janet said people hadn't changed, but for Sam, that thought seemed preposterous.

She got lost in thought. Soon, there was a knock on her door and an airman announced the teams were ready to go. She nodded and walked to the control room.

She shook her head as the people in there turned around to watch her. Some of them surprised by her presence, some of them just weary about the new General. The corner of her lips twitched slightly as Walter turned around and smiled at her. A flood of memories rushed through her mind as she remembered being in the exact same position while being a Major and grinning brightly to the then Master Sergeant. She killed them. Clenching her jaw and gaining control of her thoughts like she'd learned to do back when Jolinar's memories had threatened to overtake her mind.

"Dial it up, Chief," she said. The man she used to know pressed the button she had designed all those years ago. The gate started to spin. The sounds weren't as loud as her own heart beating in her ears. She fought with suppressed memories and emotions without showing an external sign of the struggle currently going on in her mind.

"Chevron One encoded." She clenched and relaxed her jaw quickly. Wanting nothing more than to run back to her house and hide there until she died.

"Chevron Two encoded." Sam looked at Walter with the corner of her eye. Wondering if he ever got bored with announcing what it was obvious for all. After all, the locking mechanism was quite loud, and the lights turned on in quite the obvious way.

"Chevron Three encoded." She looked down. The three teams were standing by. There wasn't that much they could do, anyway, not until Chevron seven. Her gaze fell on the three members she knew. As Walter announced, "Chevron Four encoded."

Sam frowned. Janet seemed to be standing awfully close to Teal'c, and Vala Mal Doran was clinging from Daniel's arm. What the hell was going on in that team? "Chevron Five encoded." Were they allowed what she and Jack weren't? Daniel was a contractor. She knew how Teal'c and Vala were attached to the military for 'cover-up' purposes. Was she so unlucky, that she was the only one in that team that had had to restrain not to act on feelings they all knew were there?"

"Chevron Six encoded." She was dying to get her ring out of her dog tags. To press it tightly as she had done for the past eleven years and four months to get strength from it. She couldn't. She was a damned General, and she had to keep up with her position. She bit the inner part of her lower lip in a way she knew wouldn't be obvious.

"Chevron Seven, Locked," Walter announced as the whiplash of the forming wormhole made its way inside the embarkation room. Sam held her breath as it did. "Ma'am?" Walter asked. She looked at him with a confused frown. "They're waiting for you."

"Waiting?" She frowned and looked down. Indeed, they were waiting, looking up towards the control room. She remembered then that no matter how easy the mission was written up to be, she always felt safer when Hammond's departing words were spoken. It gave her some extra reassurance.

"SG-1, SG-15. SG-20. You have a go. Report as scheduled." She gulped, 'Could she fill the shoes of all of those that had gone before her?' she wondered. "Godspeed."

With the help of some airmen, SG-20 and 15 pushed the boxes they were carrying to the other side. Once they were done, they crossed over. Finally, it was just SG-1 left. They turned around to watch her once more. She wanted to add something more. She had the words on the tip of her tongue, but they crossed before her words came out. "Please return in one piece," she whispered so softly that not even Walter heard her.

For some reason, she felt empty. Drained and empty. So she turned around on her heels and walked to her office. Eager to find something that would take her mind away from the latest events. After all, she had tons of reports to read.

It was late when she finally placed the last folder she marked for the day in the proper place and called it a day. She was exhausted. Emotions were tiring by themselves and suppressing them made it all that much worse.

When she noticed the time, she started her way out and back home. She was so thankful they had cleared Jessica. The young woman was going to be a great deal of help, it seemed. Parker had called her earlier to let her know Jessica had picked her up as they agreed to. She was going to remain home with her until Sam returned. It had worried her, at first. Now that she had lost track of time, she decided that she needed to put her fears about Jessica to rest.

"Maybe in a week," she muttered.

However, it warmed her heart to find them both so focused on their own homework. They hadn't even heard her coming in.

"Isn't this a nice sight," she grinned, making them jump slightly.

"Mommy!" Parker said, rushing to embrace her. Sam wondered, once again, how long it would be before P became a moody teenager. One that only wanted embraces and love from her boyfriend.

"I brought dinner." She announced. "I'm not sure if you like Chinese, Jessica. I just bought a lot of everything. I'm going to get changed, so you can wrap up what you were doing."

It was later that night after she had read a story to Parker as they always did. After the girl had fallen asleep. That Sam allowed herself the pleasure of a hot, hard shower to expel out her raw feelings. Once she thought she felt lighter, she walked out. Her phone went off.

She took a deep breath. The tension flowing back in, as if it never had left her at all. It could be the base. There were currently seven teams off-world. None of them were scheduled to report. She rushed to it and looked at the number.

"Hello?"

" _Hail Grand Empress!"_ Jordan said. _"How was your second day at work?"_

"First," she corrected, plopping herself on her bed.

" _What? I thought you were supposed to start yesterday."_ He groaned. " _I thought you would be so exhausted by the tension that you would want to sleep or whatever you do to relax._ " Sam sighed. " _I'll take that sigh as a yes. Huh, for some reason, I just thought that maybe you like to, I don't know, make a nuclear bomb as a stress reliever._ " Sam laughed. " _Wait, you don't do that, do you?"_

"No."

_"Oh, okay. Cool! That worried me for a bit. So? How was it? Did you get a chance to smoosh it out with General Hunk?"_

"Jordan!" Sam chuckled. Since he'd learned about that video of her telling Jack, Happy Anniversary. Jordan had always found a way to try and pry information about them out of her. It never worked, but always made her laugh. "You are such a gossip sometimes."

_"Hey, don't blame the guy. To be honest, if it was up to me. I would lock you both in one of those cozy looking rooms at that funky base, you now happen to run. I wouldn't let you out until you figured it out, or you know, exhausted yourselves after crazy hot sex."_

"Jordan!" She chuckled at his silliness.

_"Oh, please. If I was gay, I'll do him! Your General is a hunk. You aren't so bad yourself. I'll shut up now before you decide to fire me from our companies. Just take that as my lil' piece of advice. You know, in case you want to take it and enact it."_

"So, how are things going? Do you need my help with anything?"

_"Nope. You made the companies work so nicely, that sometimes I wonder if they need me at all. But I can't complain, I kinda like to be the most expensive flower vase you managed to hire."_

"You are not a flower vase."

_"Pretty face?"_ He asked hopefully, Sam snorted.

"No."

_"Ah, come on. I didn't do squat. I don't do squat. I'm sure you could've managed all of this alone."_ Sam gulped.

"No. I wouldn't have," she said. Her voice was barely a whisper. "I'm not sure I would've survived without your help, Jordan." The honesty in her words had him at a loss for words. "Too honest?" she asked with a chuckle.

_"Shockingly honest. Thank you, though. I always thought the little I could do was not enough."_

"Don't we all?" She said.

_"Bullshit! You do way more than anyone else I know."_

"Jnerd…" she stopped him, feeling the inadequacy and self-doubt crept up again. "I'm feeling tired. I'll call you tomorrow, or call me if you need anything."

" _Oh, okay. Good night, Grand Empress."_

She groaned, got dressed for the night, and walked around the house. Finally, she grabbed a light quilt and walked up to the roof. The first place in the entire house she'd been alone with Jack for a whole minute when he had shown it to her. Then to Daniel and finally to Teal'c. The only place they never shared as husband and wife. All in all, it was the only place in the entire house utterly devoid of memories of loving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to agree with Jordan on his plan.... :D


	64. Chapter 64

**Friday, August 31, 2012**

They were playing hide and seek, and Jack knew it. Or maybe he was the one playing, and she was just avoiding him altogether. Thing was that he knew she had been down there for the past seventeen days, but he hadn't dared to go find her.

There was no real reason for him to go down there either.

Sure, he hadn't ever needed a reason when it was Landry. However, now things had changed. It wasn't Landry. It was his wife. The people above them knew she was his wife. When he himself wasn't sure she still was… Well, her.

If he was honest, at least with himself, the whole damn thing was fucking confusing. He was married to her then she died. So he was her widower, then she had come back to life, and he was her husband again. And she was acting so weirdly around everyone…

He sighed. Who was he kidding? He acted weirdly around her, too.

The thing was like this, that first Tuesday, he had just parked his truck. Then a white SUV parked near his parking spot. He knew all the vehicles that usually parked inside. So it was easy to determine it was hers. Instead of getting out of his truck, he hid inside it. Peaking his head out slightly to watch her.

She still took his breath away.

She was every bit as gorgeous as he remembered her. As the last video of her, he had seen. She seemed leaner, if possible. Tougher too, but he only saw her profile for a brief second before he dived for the seat. To keep her from seeing him.

Not surprisingly, it was Daniel who had found him hours later, "I'm telling you, Jack. She called me Doctor Jackson! For crying out loud! After all the things we went through together, she's back to my honorific. Fuck this shit."

Jack truly didn't know what to say to him. He also didn't mention he'd hidden in his truck for twenty minutes. That was the longest that it had taken him to get to that office at some point. "It's her first day after eleven years. Give her a break, Daniel." He had said. "Besides, she can't actually show favoritism now that she's in command."

Daniel plopped himself in a chair and sighed. "You think that's all it is?" he asked hopefully. 'I hope that's all' Jack thought but nodded as an answer. However, when it was close to SG1 departure, Jack had chickened out and called Daniel to say his good luck and farewell. Instead of popping down there to watch them leave as he always did before.

So, during her first three days, there was no Daniel, Janet or Teal'c to report back about her. He wanted some intel before facing her head-on and inserting his foot in his mouth so deeply, that coming back from it would be even more awkward.

Jack had avoided going down there for the next days. Then, when SG-1 was back, he kept hiding. Whenever he needed something from them, he called Daniel so he would bring it up. Effectively cutting out his chance of bumping into her on his way to Daniel's lab.

Janet had sent a nurse to take his blood for his monthly blood work. She'd also warned him she would not do that forever. "Excuse my bluntness, General. We're all grownups. So, you'll have to face her at some point, just like we did." She had said. "I can't spare personnel just because you don't want to risk a trip in an elevator, sir."

Janet was right, though. It was a waste of resources and he hated wasting those. Teal'c had given him his silent support. Waiting until she was gone to come up to his floor and fetch him for their daily spar.

They hadn't sided with him. He knew that by the things they said. It was more like they were having issues with the situation as well. It made sense. According to what little he'd learned, even Walter was having plenty of issues with moving around her. Everyone who knew her from the earlier years of the program and had faced her during the past seventeen days. Was struck by how different she was from the woman they had known.

Cold, detached, mysterious, were the main concepts surrounding her. The rumor mill said that they might need to gain her trust. She didn't seem to trust easily anymore.

The rumor mill also said she had some sort of feud with Daniel and Janet, maybe from back in the day. Which made no sense at all.

It was almost a week later when he'd seen her. Having read a report from the R&D, he felt the urge from some clarifications. So he went down. He had gotten his issue solved. Then he was walking back to the elevators when he had spotted her inside one.

Her eyes had widened in recognition, and her lips had parted slightly. His heart was beating so loud in his ears, that he had to stop moving or risk tripping like a fool. The doors of the elevator closed. He rushed to it. Seeing her like that, so close, made him want to speak with her.

However, it was too late. The elevator was already two floors down and not coming back up anytime soon. The second one opened then. Bravely, he stepped inside it and pushed twenty-seven. Only to convince himself he was crazy.

"Fuck, Jack! Have you lost your mind? You have been running away from this Command for days! Now you want to go talk to her about your personal lives? About your not-existent married life?"

Then, earlier today, he was finally needed down there. There was some stupid issue with the people they were trying to save from their planet's impending doom. Since they were at Kappa, it fell under the things he needed to watch over.

He wanted to say he trusted in Reynolds and her decisions about what to do about it. The truth was, he needed to take part in negotiations like this. It was part of his job description, especially since it meant there was some sort of benefit for the Earth. Benefits that he would have to pass along to the other Generals around the globe, aware of the Stargate's existence. It sucked. It didn't help that for this kind of meeting, he would have to change from his comfy BDUs to his blues… That only made it suck double.

Jack had frowned all the way down. All the noise coming from the established wormhole and their other stupid alerts only added to his sour mood. He checked the control room first. Below them, Reynolds shouted a 'close the iris' and Walter made that happen before he turned to Jack.

"Sir." Jack shook his head. Wondering how on Earth, Walter seemed to be there every single time. As if there weren't another six shifts of techs that covered gate operations.

"How's that bet coming along?" Jack asked. Walter shook his head.

"It's going, sir. Wanna join?" Jack snorted.

"Why do you keep doing those, Walter? If I recall correctly, there have been a few that haven't been collected on."

"Only two, sir." Jack frowned.

"Two?"

"Yes, sir."

"Which ones?"

"Well… There was the one about when Doctor's Jackson and Frasier would face their feelings for each other. Which to tell you the truth, I didn't see the outcome of that one coming."

"Neither did I… "

"Teal'c and Doctor Frasier… Totally blew my mind! But the one about Doctor Jackson and Miss Mal Doran was quickly done and paid."

"And the other one?" Jack frowned.

Something told him he shouldn't ask. Not only because he was a General, and he was supposed to do something about this instead of just letting it happen. However, he had also been around so many bases through his years that he knew it happened everywhere. Whether they like it or not.

"Sir…" Walter said. "I'm not sure…" he trailed, lowering his eyes to the floor. It only made Jack's curiosity peak.

"Which one was it? I could make it an order, Walter…."

"The one about you and the then Major Carter… Sir." He added with a sigh. "That's the other one that has never been collected on."

"I see."

"I'm sorry, sir." Jack placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Me too." Then quickly, as he had looked up again, he clapped once and squared his shoulders.

"Well, work awaits." He said and turned around, walking up the stairs.

He had only taken that detour, so he wouldn't find himself alone with her in the briefing room. As he was reaching halfway upstairs, he heard Reynolds. "It's so good to see you. For a while, we thought you were… You know…"

"Dead." Her voice reached him.

Cold, hollow, withdrawn, and dispassionate, words that he had never attached to her before. Yes, he couldn't for the life of him, remember her voice. Not without watching one of those videos Daniel liked to film during missions. Or to the one she herself had provided. But it was shockingly surprising for him to recognize that voice as hers and just _know_ it was different from before.

"Yeah, well. To be honest, finding someone's alive… It's not that much surprising around here anymore. I guess it comes with the line of work, right?" Reynolds said, chuckling. When Jack reached the top, he expected to see her smiling brightly and threw out a joke. One that was as bad as any he would drop, 'coz in all honesty, her jokes were as bad as his. However, he only saw an awkward half curl of one side of her lips as she squared her shoulders.

It hurt.

He wasn't sure why it had hurt him, to watch her like that, but it did. He had grasped the handrail so tightly that his knuckles became white. He supposed she felt observed because a blink later her eyes were locked onto his.

That hurt even worse.

He couldn't read them like he used to. He thought he saw a flicker of her old self in her blues. He saw love, followed quickly by guilt, and that bout of self-deprecation she used to hide so well from everyone else but him. Yet, it was so quick and overwhelming, that he had to look the side. So did she. The next time he looked up, her eyes were shielded again.

Jack knew what had happened to him, to be able to sport those eyes back in the day. He knew what had happened to him, to carry that wall, along with him after she'd disappeared. He knew bits and parts of what had happened to her… But had she changed so much? Was she in so much pain that it was easier to hide than to open to him?

"General!" Reynolds chided in.

"Reynolds…" Jack acknowledged. Then he turned his attention towards her. What to call her? General? Sam? "Carter." He decided. She was always Carter before, why to spoil things now.

"Sir," she said, coming to attention. Shocking him and Reynolds both.

"At ease, General. Please, let's start this." He said. Taking a seat to avoid taking the head of the table. Jack felt awfully proud when she took it. Then, he fought the need of rubbing his temple to massage away the headache he knew was coming.

That headache had felt a lot like a suppressed broken heart.

The meeting had taken them around four hours. At some point, she kept stealing a glance at either her watch or the clock on the wall.

"Got somewhere else to be, General?" He'd snapped, making her clench her jaw tightly. 'So much for avoiding sticking your foot in your mouth.'

"No, sir. Just expecting a call."

"Something more important than the faith of Takrim's people, I hope." She had squared her shoulders then as if shielding herself from his words.

'Fuck!' he thought, 'if you keep doing this shit, Jack, by the end of this meeting you'll have her pushed so far away, that she won't drop her guard around you in forever.' But he couldn't avoid it. Her actions, actions he couldn't remember her doing before, were nerve-racking for him.

Her phone had gone off then. She excused herself, not even blushing at it. "Carter," she said as she walked into her office. "Yes, excellent." She had said in a tone that made his heart flutter. That was his Sam. There was some hope that she might be hiding somewhere inside the carcass that made up the General. Jack had followed her movements. He saw her relax slightly. He even saw a smile.

She returned, not even ten minutes later. Walls high in place.

"All solved now, sir." She said, back in the cold tone she had been using during the whole meeting. He bit his tongue, not to let out something that would sound too bitter. He just nodded, and they proceeded. The alien Chieftain kept looking at the two of them as if they had grown another head after their last exchange. Making Jack aware that whatever tension existed between them was noticeable to him.

"Sir, ma'am. It's kinda late. If you don't mind, I would like to call it a day?" Reynolds asked, feigning a yawn. Takrim had nodded then.

"Carter. Your base. Your decision."

"I have no issues with finishing this for today. If you agree, sir. There are a couple of Airmen waiting to keep Takrim accompanied. They'll show him to his VIP quarters and join him for dinner. Colonel, they're waiting for you at the infirmary for the final check-ups. So you can get off the base and visit your family since you're Earthbound until we finish this up. I would like to wrap it up, sir. I believe there's not much more to this conversation that grants the need to delay it for longer. Truth is that the proposal we've presented them, it's their only way out. What they have offered seems to be all they have. Am I correct to assume there's no more knowledge hidden somewhere in your few possessions, Takrim?"

"That's all we have. I've offered my daughter in marriage, but Colonel Reynolds explained to me that he is already taken. A union with you, General Carter, won't produce an offspring. I don't want to offend you, General O'Neill, but you aren't looking like a better suitor for her either."

"Are you saying I'm old?" Jack frowned. Reynolds chuckled. Not a hair of Sam's head moved at it.

"I'm merely stating you are of greater age than my daughter. She's seen only fifteen double moons."

"Double moons?" Jack frowned in confusion.

"Their planet has a second moon. Its orbit is large enough that it's only seen around once a year, sir." Sam explained. Jack shivered. There was no passion… No life at all in her words. "Compensating to Earth years, she's thirteen and a half." She finished. God! Her replicator version was more capable of pushing feelings into explanations. Jack thought.

"All right, so… Why don't we have legal drafting the thing? We can reconvene here, let's say tomorrow morning." Jack concluded.

"It has to be afternoon, sir." He raised an eyebrow at that.

"Excuse me?"

"Movers, sir. I'm finally getting my old stuff back from whatever warehouse they were hidden in." She stated. He felt like an idiot.

"Sure. It'll give some more time to the legal team to make their magic."

That was two hours ago. She left not long after that. He knew because Teal'c had come searching for him an hour ago. They had tried to spar. He was so unfocused that Teal'c retired for the night and recommended him to do the same.

Yet, here he was, an hour later, still on the base.

His mind kept going back to the way she had looked while on the phone. The voice she'd used when she answered her phone, the smile he thought he spotted. Those three feelings that had flickered through her eyes, so fast that he thought he had imagined them.

"Fuck this," he said. They needed to talk. They needed to move on somehow, and he was willing to take the first step.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are on a roll today... :D   
> It's time, though...

**Friday, August 31, 2012**

When Jack had finally decided he needed to speak with her. That they needed to solve things between them. He stood up and noticed it was too late.

"I'll guess there's no time like tomorrow," he said. Then he remembered her words. "Movers… She's not going to be in tomorrow morning. That's okay, though. What you need to talk about needs to be done outside the base," he said to himself. Dropping into his chair, he also realized he had no clue whatsoever as to where she lived. So, he first had to find out that and then he could go.

He wondered, not for the first time, why no one had forwarded him Sam's newer file. Maybe they thought he knew what was going on? That when she announced to them, she was his wife. He magically learned things like where she lived and who had called her. That call had really bothered him.

He shook his head and went to the mess hall for some dinner. As he tried to figure out who would have her address and how could he get it without raising any flags. Captain Roux from legal happened to be there searching for coffee. He reported that the first version of the treaty was ready for reading and approval.

"I'll grab a bite and stop by," Jack had said. Not even an hour later, he was stopping by that office. One that for some reason he'd never understood, also ran 24/7.

"Lucky you!" he heard one Captain saying as he entered. "You're off the hook for this one. I for once have to go by our new CO's house to drop these off and the fixed version of the treaty we've been drafting for tomor…" Captain Parsons blanched. "Sir!"

"I can take those for you," Jack offered before he could stop himself and really think it through.

"Sir?"

"I can drop off whatever you need to be dropped at Carter's. I don't mind. Really, Parsons. How many times have I dropped off files to Landry before? But if you want to do it yourself…." He had shrugged, speaking with a far more unconcerned attitude than he was feeling. His heart was beating wildly, and his mind was telling him that he was digging his own grave. That all the four members present in that office had spotted his plans even before he entered the room.

"Are you sure you won't mind, sir?" The Captain asked.

"Not at all. I'll just need the address."

"Sir?"

"Of her house or wherever she's staying at? You know, so I don't have to go dig through my archives before I go home." He said. Mentally patted himself on the back for such a blatant and credible lie.

"Oh, sure. Let me get that for you, sir. I was about to print it for myself." They waited until the printer spewed the paper out. Then it was in his hands.

Jack simply folded the paper, not even glancing at the words typed there. He would read them later. When there weren't people looking at him. When his features couldn't betray him when he learned where she lived now. He imagined a nice little house like the one she'd had before, or maybe a kick ass mansion somewhere fancy. Now that she owned or received part of the revenue of those companies she'd created during her eleven years out of the USAF.

"I'll need that treaty. You've mentioned it's done, Roux." He managed to say, even though his mind was working hard to keep up appearance. "And whatever else I need to take…."

Two boxes were stacked in his hands, and the file with the treaty was placed on top. "Well, don't work too hard."

With that, he had walked back to his office. Once he reached it, he lowered the boxes to his desk and took the piece of paper off.

"What the fuck?" He frowned. He knew that address… It had been his address for over eight years. Why was she living there? Confused and tired, he had grabbed what he needed, locked his computer and everything else, and left.

He fought with his mind. So he wouldn't just detour now to check if she truly lived in his own house. In the house where they'd spent their last night together, the one that was continuously violated with cameras and bugs in his wall. The one that had provided him with memories of her in every single corner except by the rooftop.

After eleven years of trying to remember her, and fewer years of hiding on his rooftop because it was the only place that didn't remind him of her. His mind chose to provide him with the vivid memory of the first time he'd showed her the rooftop.

The gleam in her eyes, as she noticed he was pretending to be dumber than he was. The knowing look that she gave him and the bright smile that had almost melted him on the spot. The first time his heart had stopped aching for his past and skipped a beat under her charming expression.

"Fuck…" he said and stopped by the side of the road. Pressing a hand to his chest. The stupid broken heart that he'd been carrying around for years reminding him of its presence. "Why? I just want to know why…"

He rubbed his face tiredly and sighed. "Tomorrow morning, Jack. Now get home. Take one of those sleeping pills Janet gave you eons ago and tomorrow morning… You'll face her."

**Saturday, September 1, 2012**

Sam woke up that day not feeling rested at all. The meeting the previous day had left her wired. Jack was there, and she had to fight her feelings. The tingly sensation that was always there whenever he was looking at her, had surprised her when he appeared at the top of the stairs.

She hadn't been able to control her emotions in time, when their gazes locked. Then, her mind had provided her with the knowledge that she'd been hiding from him. That she hadn't found the way or the guts to face him. To tell him they had a daughter. Hell, no one knew she had a daughter! Once that had settled in, she felt guilty and couldn't hold his gaze anymore.

When they looked at each other again, her walls were high and so were his. She wanted to laugh and cry that they were now more similar than before… That they could protect their thoughts so fast that no one else could tell something had happened beyond the proper exchange.

At some point, she'd stolen a glance at his form, and her heart had skipped a beat. She loved him. She loved him now more than before; she acknowledged it then. She also figured out that some of that sadness she'd spotted was her fault. Beyond that, he remained unreadable, even to her.

Then she had made the mistake of glancing at the watch several times. Noticing it would be any time that her phone would go off. He had noticed her looking at it, too.

_"Got somewhere else to be, General?"_ He had snapped. She clenched her jaw tightly, holding herself from answering yes. If only to rile him up, as he seemed so eager to be. She hadn't. She answered the truth. She was expecting Parker's call to let her know she was home. _"Something more important than the faith of Takrim's people, I hope."_

She had squared her shoulders. Thinking that it might not be more important than an entire town for anyone else but her. She was still having issues with wanting to know exactly where her daughter was. How long it took her to get home after she was picked up. Why it had taken longer than usual if it did.

Knowing that she had been kidnapped by the government. A government she had served under for so many years. That forced her to take an out that she wouldn't in any other case. Had managed to make her beyond paranoid with Parker's whereabouts. She couldn't tell him that, not yet.

She shook her head. She noticed the bitterness in which he had reacted afterward. Hell! Even Reynolds and Takrim, a perfect stranger had noticed it.

What fuckery had time done to them? She wondered as she made breakfast and called Jessica to let her know that they would need her in the afternoon after all. The first truck of movers would arrive soon. It was from one of the places she'd sent their things to keep them safe over the long run. She shook her head.

During their time as runaways and WITSEC protégées, they had learned to pack their things in a jiffy. Figuring what they wanted to keep, what they could keep, and what would go where in a matter of seconds. However, unpacking… That took too long. Often, she found it almost painful.

Now… Around three weeks after they had settled in. The boxes they had brought along, and the boxes that had come in the first wave two Saturdays ago, were still piled awkwardly around the house. The newest set of boxes made it look like some cargo bay instead of a house. She shook her head once the movers were gone. "P! We need to unpack some of this, to make room for what's coming!" She said.

"But, mommy. I have homework to do…" Sam groaned.

"Right. Homework first. If I find something with your name on it, I'll drop it in your room. You'll need to go through them when you're done. Okay?"

Her phone when off then, and she frowned. It was from the base. "Carter."

"Ma'am. It's Parsons from legal. I'm just calling to let you know that I've sent two boxes with documents your way. We'll need you to get through them ASAP. They're confidential but not classified, ma'am."

"I'll go through them the moment the boxes are here, Captain. Anything else?"

"No, ma'am." She hung then call and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Something wrong, mom?" Parker asked.

"No. If you're done here, go get that homework done."

"Sure."

An hour later, her phone went off again. It was Jordan. He had some issues he needed to discuss with her. On the other line, she had the movers that somehow had gotten lost. Parker was rummaging around the boxes, searching for something. She wasn't sure what it was P was searching for. That was when the doorbell rang.

Sam nodded Parker to get it. Then stopped dead in her tracks when the door was opened to reveal him standing in front of their daughter. Utterly confused by the look on his face.

**Saturday, September 1, 2012**

Jack had parked outside his old house, her house, around ten minutes ago. He felt all sorts of déjà vu as he did. The house looked nicer than when he'd lived there. The yard looked well kept, and it was painted differently.

There definitively had been some remodeling done to it as well. It looked a bit different, but a lot like it used to. He wondered if that was some sort of hidden symbolism for their current situation. Had they just changed a little? Got some remodeling done after a few years, but deep down they had remained the same?

Jack glared at the boxes beside him. Why had he so willingly offered to bring them? Why had he been so eager to chat with her? Shaking his head. He figured he wouldn't find the answers to any of his questions if he remained with his ass in his truck.

Taking a deep breath, he got down. He grabbed the boxes as some sort of shield. As if that would prevent him from pinning her to the wall and kissing her hungrily. Until she answered in kind like he knew she was able of. Shaking his head, he walked down the path.

He stopped by the door. His old door that was now a shade lighter. He was sure that if he tried to open it, it would be locked. He didn't. Instead, he searched for the doorbell. He knew where it was but had never used it before.

Breathing in and out slowly once, if only to try to calm down his raging heart. To control the overwhelming feelings he was being currently engulfed in. He finally pressed the doorbell.

He could hear her voice coming faintly from somewhere inside. He heard two sets of steps. Maybe the movers? He wondered. Then rolled his eyes. There was no moving truck. That wouldn't make sense at all. Jealousy settled in the pit of his stomach as he remembered the call.

Maybe the second set of steps belonged to the person behind that call. The one who had managed to make her sound like she used to. " _She moved on, Jack_ " his mind provided him with Daniel's voice.

Boy! He wasn't ready for the one that opened the door. He had frowned, to keep the surprise off his face. He was sure the girl didn't buy it, though. It was obvious in her smile.

"Hi, hmm, sir, hmm General, hmm Jack, oh, just, hmm, place those in any space you see free!" Carter had said. In a tone that couldn't hide her surprise as she covered the phone receiver with a hand. He nodded. The girl, well, she moved out of the way after giving him a shrug.

"Hey, kid. So, you are?" Jack asked. He really didn't need to be a genius. To figure out that the girl looked too much like Sam, not to be anything but her daughter. Not when Jack was aware that her only niece was older than the kid. Sam didn't have any more family than Mark. He hoped she wasn't her daughter. Perhaps the girl was Sam's own version of Jonathan O'Neill. A mini version of herself. That was an Asgard failed experiment. If that was the case… maybe Jon would have far better luck than he. Getting a life with Sam Carter.

The girl rolled her eyes, clearly not impressed by him.

"Her daughter?" Jack's eyes widened at the confirmation. "I know. We look too much alike," she said and grinned. A full megawatt Carter smile.

His heart broke. She had moved on like Daniel had said she had. She had a daughter, for crying out loud! One that she didn't mention when they found each other on the Prometheus all those years ago. One that no one knew about. One she hadn't said a thing about to anyone. Almost blindly, he looked for a place to drop his cargo. As soon as he did, he turned around and rushed out.

He needed air. He needed to run. He needed several liters of alcohol to process this information. Instead, he drove away as fast as he could. Once he reached his home, he dialed a number he knew by heart.

" _Father O'Neill speaking."_ The comforting voice of his younger brother came through on the other end.

"Connor… Connor, she has a child," He managed to say before he hung the phone and cried once more for all that he'd lost. For all that was taken away from him. To think that if he'd followed her instead of just taking her there… That girl could've been his.


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!!   
> Loverustal is on fire fixing them ;D

**Saturday, September 1, 2012**

Sam had walked out of his view. Only to get ready for the explanations she would need to give. "Jordan, I'm sorry. We need to cut this short." She said.

" _Call me when you're free again_." Jordan had answered. Used to her weird behavior and all her secretive ways. He understood it was more complex now, to work on their private side. When she had all the responsibility of a whole weird base. One he still didn't know what it did or why there was a gate inside.

"Sure. Bye." She said and ended the call. Walking out of her office. The same room he had used as an office before. Only to find the whole place empty. She frowned.

"Jack? Sir?" she called. Hoping that Parker had dragged him off somewhere around the house. But there was no grumpy voice she loved so much answering back. "P? Parker?" She tried then.

"Homewooork!" Parker shouted from her room. For a second, she thought she was going to develop new wrinkles if she kept frowning as much as she kept doing. Still, she checked the kitchen, backyard, living room… And even risked a glance to the rooftop, before finally shaking her head. Then walking to question the one person that would know for sure what had happened.

The bell rang before she could get there. She opened the door to find a couple of men standing on the other side. The hair on the back of her head stood up nervously. She hoped she wouldn't have to use all that training she'd kept on point while in exile.

"Samantha Carter?"

"Who's searching for her?"

"WITSEC, moving department." One of them said. "We were ordered to deliver her belongings here." He said, presenting her with a delivery notice.

"Yes. That's correct."

"Great. This one if four you," he said smiling and giving her a file. "You'll need to sign this first. The file contains an inventory of everything that was pulled out of Major Samantha Carter's house on March 15th, 2001. There's also a number there in case you find something missing."

Sam grabbed the offerings and signed the papers where he pointed her to. Then they started. It took them almost another hour to move everything they had. Including furniture that now was piled inside the garage.

By the time they were gone, Jessica had already arrived. Sam was late. "Fuck!" she huffed when she noticed the time. She hadn't even managed to figure out, let alone open the boxes that were sent for her from legal.

"Parker, I need a word with you. Come on, I also need to get ready. I'm awfully late." She said. As she braided her hair, hating how long it was.

"Yes, mom?" Parker had said as she followed her down to the room and closed the door behind them.

"What happened earlier? When you opened the door?"

"Nothing?"

"P…" Sam huffed as she donned her blues.

"Oh, you mean with sir General Jack?" Sam rolled her eyes. "Dunno," Parker shrugged. "He asked who I was as if it wasn't obvious. I told him I'm your daughter. Then, he lowered the boxes to the table and rushed away."

"He didn't say anything else?"

"Nope. Nothing at all." Sam rubbed her face tiredly.

"Can you bring the boxes he brought to my room? Please."

"Okay, mommy."

After getting the boxes in her room. She left it and locked it just for safety. She still didn't fully trust Jessica. No matter how often she had been around the house, or how much Parker loved her. Besides, there were a bunch more issues to deal with, other than leaving those boxes safely tucked in her room. She jumped in the SUV and made her way to the mountain. Speeding as much as she could without risking a ticket or getting herself killed because of her distracted mind.

Jack had seen Parker. Parker had stated she was her daughter.

Sam knew Jack wasn't all that dumb as he wanted to make people believe. She had seen his file. She had found his background to prove to Hayes that he was honorable and playing by the rules. That in those moments, when he threw the book out of the window, it was mostly to get the best possible outcome. There were even a couple of masters hidden in his file.

Shannon–his sister, not his mother- had also bragged that he had skipped two grades, finishing school before she did. So, Sam knew that, by now, he had reached a conclusion.

Had he rushed out away from the house because it was achingly painful to stand there and figure out he had a daughter he hadn't met? Knowing that getting home could've been getting there to their waiting daughter?

She flashed her ID to the guards and was parking her SUV when her phone rang. Shaking her head, she picked it up.

"Carter," she barked.

_"General Carter, ma'am. It's Captain Richmond from HomeWorld Security regarding a meeting?"_

"I'm just topside, Captain. I'll be there in ten." She answered, sounding a bit harsher than she intended to. Lately, it seemed that happened to her all the time. She'd even seen Walter grimace when she spoke to him.

But Home World security was Jack. Why hadn't he called her? She knew she was hiding before, but he had come searching for her. He had to have figured out about Parker.

"It's about damn time!" Jack had hissed when she entered the briefing room. Gaining a confused frown from Reynolds. Last time, he knew Jack was still mourning Samantha Carter. That her name wasn't mentioned unless you wanted to make everyone miserable. Due to Jack's sour mood whenever she was brought up. But hissing at her seemed a bit out of character.

"I'm sorry, sir. The movers…"

"Ack! I don't care about your excuses, General." He said. Immediately she clenched her jaw, squared her shoulders. He knew he had hurt her. 'Well, fuck! Welcome to the fucking club!' he thought as he waved his hand brusquely to point her to get seated.

The meeting was done in a quick, brusque manner. Becoming even more awkward when Captain Roux was paged to join them. So they could just adapt the treaty as they spoke. It was almost four hours later by the time they were done.

Jack stood up, shook hands with the Chieftain, and with a curt "Reynolds, Carter, Roux," walked out of the briefing room. Reynolds looked at Sam, completely confused by them.

"Ma'am… Everything alright here?"

"Peachy, Reynolds… Just peachy." She had answered shaking her head. "There's a team due to report in an hour. After that, you can go back. I'll be in my office if you need me."

Reynolds nodded and watched her go. Now, he finally understood what the rumor mill was saying. This Samantha Carter was a lot more like the replicator they had met than the Major he had liked so much as a friend.

Takrim stood and walked close to Reynolds. "There's enough pain between those two to fill this entire room and then more. Sometimes stepping out of pain, it's only a matter of time."

"And if it isn't?" Reynold asked out of curiosity.

"You learn to live with it… I'm afraid they might already have."

**Wednesday, September 5, 2012**

There was a light on when Jack reached home. That got all his internal alarms going off like crazy. He walked inside, clutching his gun in case he needed it. He heard a noise coming from his kitchen. Found the stranger rummaging around inside his fridge.

He pulled the safety off his gun and aimed at the man. Who had just bumped his head with the top of the fridge and had left out a string of words that sounded nothing like swearing.

"Connor?" Jack asked, placing the safety back and lowering his gun to the counter.

"Well, I'd like to say that finding you aiming that at me it's something new, but we both know I'd be lying."

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"You called." Connor shrugged. "I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner, but you know they'd kill me if I left them without the Saturday and Sunday mass. I told them I was going for a retreat. So you wouldn't end up with the girls at your door."

"Thanks. You didn't need to come."

"I did. I made dinner?"

"Great, I'm starving." They sat to eat. Connor waited patiently for Jack to open up. "She has a daughter."

"You mentioned that when you called me. Never said who she was."

"Sam."

"Sam?"

"Yeah, you know… The woman I married." Jack waved.

"The woman you love."

"Potatoes, potatos." He waved.

"Not the same," Connor pointed out. "You married another woman. You didn't love her like you loved Sam." Jack pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Don't go all philosophical on me now, Connor."

"I'm merely stating facts, Jack. You cared about Sarah, you loved her. But we saw you with Sam, it was different."

"Well… She's too fucking different now!" Jack spat.

"Is she?"

"Haven't you heard? She has a daughter." Jack chuckled bitterly.

"So?"

"It means she fucking fucked someone else, Connor… How hard is that to understand?"

"You think she…" Connor frowned.

"How else could she have a daughter?"

"I'm a Priest, Jack. You tell me", Connor smiled. Should he tell him he thought Parker was Jack's? But that meant confessing to Jack that he had known about Parker. That he had purposely kept it out of his talk. Well, not purposely. Samantha hadn't exactly confessed she was Jack's. Yet, she had confessed it was her daughter… Well, during confession. Which made it impossible for him to just tell his brother about her.

Unaware of Connor's train of thought, Jack rubbed his face tiredly.

"She's living in my old house, Connor. She has a daughter, and she's living in my old home. It was too fucking painful to go there and see what I could've had, but I don't. Now, she's happy with someone else that ain't me."

"How you know she's happy?" Connor asked. The Samantha Carter he'd met was so far away from happy, that it was painful to hear her confession without breaking himself.

"Because!" Jack said as if it was all the explanation that was needed. His mind, though, had presented him with the image of the way she had answered the call. The slight smile he had seen her show to whoever was on the other end. Her daughter's father, most likely.

"Jack… People can be deceiving sometimes. Actions can be confused when fueled by self-preservation."

"What are you trying to say, Connor?" Jack rolled his eyes.

"Have you talked to her? Have you lowered all the walls you built around yourself since she was gone? Have you allowed her to see how much you remain the same? No matter how bitter your outside looks?"

"I…"

"Don't you think she might be as afraid of you as you are of her?"

"I don't know, Connor. I can't help it. Whenever I see her… I… I want to rush away as fast as I can, to preserve the little bit of me that still remains unhurt. At the same time, I want to crash so hard against her that all the pieces that remain fill whatever void she has. Then she can complete all the pieces I'm missing." Connor smiled at this.

"You always were such a romantic. Jack… Give it time. Give yourself time to get to know her again. Give her time to get to know you again. Who knows, maybe you're just not seeing things clearly now."

"You mean…"

"You can't pick up where you left off, Jack. You must start all over again. There's so much time that's gone by that even if you are the same people underneath it all, you've also created a ton of new walls and ways to protect yourself. Even from your family and the way we care about you."

"You want me to be friends with her," Jack stated in disbelief.

"Isn't that where it all started, anyway?" Connor grinned.

**Thursday, September 6, 2012**

Parker opened the door. She crooked her head when she spotted him. With a smile, she let him in. Jessica was startled by his presence in the house, but Parker had quickly reassured her that her mother knew him.

"I'm Father O'Neill." He had said. "I'll wait for her in the living room if that's the least dangerous place you can think of. I can wait in the backyard or on the roof too." Parker had frowned at that last comment.

"How do you know about the roof?"

"I know the previous owner." Connor had shrugged. "He used to have a telescope set up there."

"Mom has a telescope set up there too."

"Interesting."

Parker shrugged. "She's taught me astronomy since I was little. She said something about the vastness of the universe and keeping myself connected to my roots."

"Your roots, huh?"

"Yeah. I have no idea what she meant by it. I know Uncle Mark doesn't care for the stars. I've been told I have a grandpa. Haven't met him yet."

"And your father?" Connor asked. Parker sighed, noticeably uncomfortable by the question. "Don't worry, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to… It's just that I don't know him." P shrugged. "That's mom!" She grinned as the lights of the SUV shone into the living room. "Mom! You've got a visitor."

"Really?" Sam asked. Lowering her keys in the bowl by the entrance and getting rid of her heels. "And who might that be?" she said, sure that Parker was joking. "Connor…"

"Sam. Cozy place you got here," he said. Pointing to the boxes that still cluttered the living room.

"How?" She frowned in confusion, ignoring his comment. "Let's take this to my office," Connor nodded and followed her. "How did you know I was here?" she asked. As they made themselves comfortable inside the privacy of her office.

"How you think?"

"Jack…"

"Yeah. He mentioned knowing you have a daughter?" Sam nodded. "He also mentioned you bought his old house. I don't mean to pry, but… Why?"

"I bought it when he placed it for sale. When he moved to DC. I don't know why. I think I wanted to keep the memories I had here. Since mine was taken out of my hands with nothing I could do about it."

"Why live here now?"

"Why not? It still has the memories..." she shrugged. "It reminds me of the good times."

"There could still be good times ahead." He said.

"I'm not sure about that, Connor. I think I'm too far gone for that." Her lips curving down slightly.

"We all deserve to be happy, Samantha. You and Jack included."

"I don't know how," she sighed sadly.

"Start where it all began?" he offered.

"Where's that?"

"Fix your friendship, and everything will fall in place after that." Sam took a deep breath.

"And if it doesn't?" She asked after a while, her voice barely a whisper.

"Then you'll know you've tried, and maybe you'll find it in yourselves to finally move on."

"You think we're clinging to this thing we had?"

"I think you both want that thing you had. But to get there, you first need to lose the things you got during the time apart. It's hard to reach into someone's heart when you both have miles of walls keeping you both away."

She rubbed her face tiredly. "You love him," Connor stated. Sam shook her head.

"Would you think I'm stupid if I tell you that after all this time, I do?"

"Not at all. I'll think you are brave. Something tells me we're here today because of your love for him. Were you any other woman, I'm sure you would've let him go years ago. Instead, you went to the extent you did to return here again. You bought his home. You took a post in the same place he is… Now, why are you still hiding?"

"I don't know."

"When you know the answer, you'll know where to find him. I should go. I need to catch a flight."

"Thanks, Connor."

"It was my pleasure."


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.. I got a bit sidetracked today ... But here it is now :D

**Thursday, September 6, 2012.**

After her brother-in-law had left her home. Sam stood watching the door for a while. Until a clearing of a throat brought her back to the present.

"Yes?" She asked, half sharply as she turned around.

"Sorry, Miss C. Dinner's ready, and Parker was wondering if you were joining us."

"I'll be there in a minute." Sam had answered. Walls quickly building up. How could she start tearing down walls and begin a friendship, when all it was left inside her was emptiness? She wondered.

Parker was the only reason there was still a small part of herself that was allowed to love and care. The rest was hiding under at least twenty-five identities that had worn her down differently in their different worlds and fears. She was all of them and yet; she was none of them at all.

She shook her head, took a deep breath, and planted a smile on her face. One she knew Parker would see right through, just like her father used to.

Somehow, Parker hadn't asked the questions she could read in her eyes. She never did. Sam wondered if she had screwed up her relationship with her daughter, so much that she was hiding questions and comments just like she had from her dad.

"Mommy," Parker had called. Bringing her from her thoughts once dinner was done, and it was just the two of them tucked together to read her book.

"Yes, P?"

"Are you going to be okay?" P asked, chewing her lower lip in the same way Sam did.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know… You seem hurt and worried. But it's different from before… Is it your job?"

"I…"

"Maybe you can quit it and we can go back to our lives on the run?" Sam gulped.

"It's not the job, P. Don't worry, we won't go back to that life on the run. I just need some time to adjust. That's all."

'And my daddy?' Parker wanted to ask. That was a dream of hers. That one day when they finally had one place to call home and a forever name. Her dad would be able to join them, and her mom wouldn't be as sad anymore. "I love you, mommy." She said instead.

"I love you too, P. Now… Let's read. Tomorrow, I won't be able to tuck you in. I have to work late."

"Oh… Okay." Parker tried not to pout, but deep down she knew things would be different. As different as her mommy was now.

**Monday, September 17, 2012**

It wasn't surprising when he was the first one to walk up the step to try salvaging whatever remained of their relationship. He had, after all, a strength she lacked, and the wisdom of many more years.

"May I have a word with you, General Carter?" he had said, in that deep voice of his.

"Teal'c. Of course, what can I do for you?" She'd answered. His head crooked slightly to the side and his lips curled a tiny bit upwards.

"When I met you, I never thought you would be strong enough to fight the Goa'uld." He confessed. Sam gulped.

"You were right." She acknowledged. "I wasn't around when they were defeated."

"I was mistaken." He stated. "You might not have been around to help end the war, but every battle you fought was equally valuable." She clenched her jaw. "I once was your friend. I hope that hasn't changed with time. We, Jaffa, know that time and distance sometimes are imposed onto our lives. We also know that true friendship always thrives."

"What if…" she tried keeping her eyes leveled on his. She blushed then, shook her head, and felt utterly embarrassed.

"We are friends. Friends don't judge." He said. "What you say to me now won't leave this room. Just like what you've said to me before has never left my mouth."

"What if I changed too much, Teal'c? What if I'm not the person you knew from before?"

"People don't change, Samantha Carter. They evolve. We've faced a version of yourself that presented us with the opportunity to know what would you be like. If you weren't the caring person, we all know you are." Sam frowned. "The replicator version of yourself was very talkative of how much she was just like you."

"Oh, God."

"Have you forgotten how to care?" he asked, his eyes searching hers. "Have you forgotten the confession I witnessed in that room?" For a brief second, her eyes flickered with emotions. The confession, the damned Zat'arc test. That had been the first thing they'd had against them. The stupid emotions that had almost gotten them killed and had managed to separate them after all. "You have not." Teal'c noticed. "Then we can hope."

"Hope what? I've fucked up everything by coming back. I shouldn't have taken this damned office! I shouldn't have agreed to the stupid medals and promotions! I shouldn't have taken my stupid name back! I shouldn't have allowed them to take it from me, to begin with!" She said almost hissing. Clenching her jaw to control the emotions that were running freely now.

She was so tired of pretending that she wasn't disturbed by the position she was in. She was so fucking tired of having the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was more than ready to break and hide in a corner to lick her wounds. In order to keep the few untouched pieces of her overly broken heart safe and away from everyone else.

But she couldn't. Not here, when the consequences of her breakdown would be obvious to anyone who dared to look at her face. Not at home, where her daughter was already looking through her crumbling facade. Knowing she wasn't herself and she wouldn't ever be herself ever again.

Truth was, there was no Samantha Carter left in her. She had been so many fucking people that she'd forgotten how to be herself. She had been so worried about picking stuff up from other people. That she hadn't bothered to try to keep herself together. She hadn't had time… But then again, time was all that she had wasted on everyone but herself.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. That was as much as she dared to say. Teal'c understood her, far better than she understood herself at that point. She needed time. Sadly, time wasn't the same for humans and Jaffa.

He stood up. "Janet's birthday is next week."

"I know."

"Cassandra is organizing a celebration for that day."

"I'll stay as far away from that as I can. Don't want to screw up her birthday too."

"You should come. Even if only for a while. It will be a step forward."

"I'm not sure I'll be welcomed." Teal'c smiled.

"Even if we seem a bit different around you. I'm sure Cassandra will want a hug from you after all this time."

"Check with Janet first?" She asked hopefully. Teal'c shook his head.

"If it worries you, you should ask Janet yourself. Worries in this situation are a good sign. It means that somewhere in you, Samantha Carter still hides within. Have a good evening, General Carter."

**Thursday, September 20, 2012.**

To be honest, he was expecting Daniel. He wasn't expecting her. But it didn't surprise him either. There was always something feisty about her. Something that was unleashed after she'd survived such a close call. Thanks to Daniel's quick reaction.

After that, that feisty side of Janet Fraiser had come through often enough. It had managed to get her so many missions with SG-1. But he wasn't expecting her. Daniel he could manage, but Doctor Fraiser always had a way to drive him insane.

"Sir." She said. She was out of uniform and so was he. She was after all at his house. His shift had just ended, and hers was scheduled to start in a few hours. She had taken it so she could get the hours to be at the party Cass was trying to organize for her birthday.

"Why aren't you Daniel?" Jack huffed.

"Excuse me?" She asked with her eyebrow raised.

"Daniel… You know? Like this tall, hair ranges from here to here and he often does this slight pushing of his glasses up when he is flustered and not wearing his contacts." Jack said, adding the proper gestures to his words. "There were a few years where you were head over heels about him. You both did nothing about it." Janet laughed. "What?"

"We did."

"You did?"

"Yup."

"When?" Jack frowned in confusion.

"Just after…" She took a deep breath. "Sam's incident. We went out, had a nice date, did the deed, and it was highly awkward afterward."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"So that's why you had no issues with Vala taking up residence on his lap 24/7?"

"Well, that and… You know…" She blushed.

"Teal'c."

"Yeah. I was so in denial with what I thought I felt for Daniel that I never thought… Then I was on my deathbed and he was there. It was… It made sense." She shrugged. "Still does."

"Don't get me wrong, Doc. I'm happy for you."

"Still, I'm not here about that. And maybe I should… You know the rules and all. Has she been briefed about it?"

"Not by me."

"Why not?" Janet frowned.

"We aren't exactly speaking, Janet."

"She called me to her office the other day," Janet confessed as they finally found a place to sit.

"She did?"

"Yes. It was awkward as hell. I think she's so fucking afraid of us."

"Carter? Afraid?" Jack snorted.

"Yeah. Just like you seem to fear her."

"I'm not scared of Carter. That's ridiculous."

"Then why are you still avoiding her. It's been over a month. We've been to three different places since then, and not even once have you showed up to wave goodbye." Jack sighed and rubbed his face tiredly.

"Has she mentioned to you that she has a daughter?" Janet frowned. "No? She didn't mention that to me either. She does. I've seen the girl. It's a mini Carter."

"Why wouldn't she mention having a daughter?" Janet frowned.

"It beats me." He shrugged. 'Because it's her dirty little secret. That she moved on after she left me. She moved on, even after we fucked on the Prometheus.' He thought.

"Maybe she didn't want to cause you pain, Jack. I was there when you both confessed to being in love."

"Care for her…" he rolled his eyes. "I care for her more than I'm supposed to… Those were my words." It was Janet's turn to snort.

"If that was care, Jack. I can't imagine what love looks like."

"You shouldn't. It hurts too fucking bad." He mumbled.

"She's coming to my party," Janet blurted out, then assessed his expressions. "That's why she asked me to her office. She said Teal'c invited her, and she wanted to know if it was all right with me if she went."

"What exactly has that got to do with me, or your visit?" Jack frowned, confused by that.

"It means that she still cares about what we think. She could simply have dropped by, or not at all. Yet, she made the effort to ask. Don't you think that's telling?"

"Telling of what, Janet?"

"The Sam we knew is still somewhere inside her, Jack," Janet stated. Jack clenched his jaw. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. "She's just hiding from all of us. I'm not sure if she's afraid we'll judge her for what she did to survive. Or if she's worried about what she didn't do in the war. We always told her she was a necessity to win it. I have no fucking clue as to what's going on in that mind of hers. But we both know there was always some sort of self-depreciative notions inside her." Jack gulped.

"Do you know how she got to General?" She asked after a while.

"Hayes… And Davis. I'm not sure how it happened, but they were the ones that made the arrangements so she could be promoted in time and with no one else knowing about it."

"Did she even know about it?" Janet wondered.

"I don't' know, Janet. I know squat about her, beyond what she had confessed during the first trial. She wasn't called back to any other trials because no one knew how to get in touch with her. Or that was the excuse," He sighed. "Do you know if she's talked with Daniel? Daniel hasn't been around my office for a while…"

"No. She hasn't. He's making it difficult too. Just like you. Probably worse than you." She shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder if you guys realize that the one living a weird life all alone for eleven years was her and not you. I know it takes a while, but I can't help to wonder how it feels to get taken away from everything you know and love. Now, knowing she has a daughter that wasn't used against her… I wonder how lonely it all was for her? I know how difficult is to raise a child alone, and I had all of you to help. I can't imagine what it was like raising one without any kind of support."

"How you know? That there's no one?" Jack frowned.

"I asked."

"But Daniel…" Jack frowned.

"Daniel told us what he saw, Jack. We won't even know the context of it unless she tells us what the heck happened. All I know is that when I asked her if she would bring someone along, a husband, boyfriend, significant other… She shook her head no."

"That doesn't mean there's no one, Janet. Just that she doesn't want to push someone else into your party too."

"No. I thought the same, so I asked. She chuckled dryly and said, 'relationships when you change your name so often, are far more complicated than you would believe'. Truth is, I never even considered that. Do we even know if the daughter you saw… Did she have to change names too?"

"I don't know, Janet. I guess there's too much we don't know."

"But, do we care, though? Because things can be so much different if we care." The way she looked at him told him that it was his decision. They would do whatever they wanted with their relationships with Sam. But it was up to him to fix his.

"We always cared, Janet."

"Then we do something. But not tonight, or I'll be late for my shift. Come to my party, Jack. Let's see if some alcohol and food can manage to get her, and all of us, a bit more relaxed around each other. If not, well, we'll need time."

She said as they walked to his door. She waved goodbye and drove away. Of all the things they had spoken about, one word continues to bother him.

Time. They had already lost so much of it before this all started. Then they had lost eleven years. What were a few more months to fix what it was lost?


	68. Chapter 68

**Saturday, September 29, 2012.**

As per usual, Vala was clinging from Daniel's arm. Mitchell, since the school teacher had broken his heart, was parading around a new girl. Jack was there all by himself. They had found their way to each other around the grill at some point. Cassie had joined them as soon as she walked outside. Soon, Teal'c and Janet also joined their group.

Even if he was manning the grill and his focus was on not burning the meat. Jack was the first to know she was there. The little hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention and his heart raced wildly as he looked up. Janet noticed he was still, with his drink halfway to his mouth, and followed his line of sight.

There, dead in her tracks, was one Brigadier General Samantha Carter. Blushing fiercely in all her dark jean-clad and black loosen blouse glory. What had surprised Jack. What had shocked him, really, was her hair. It was back to the short mess he had loved so much. It was a change from the tightly woven braid she had used since her return.

Jack thought she looked hot in braid too. But the messy hair… That did things to him. Reminded him of how soft her hair was. How gloriously lovely she looked with it sticking up in odd angles after it being thoroughly abused by his own hands.

Silence had fallen over the party, as everyone turned around to watch the usually cold and detached General. Sam felt that squaring her shoulders out of the uniform didn't look as badass as it did under the harsh comfort of the dress blues. Even if she knew that would be the case, she couldn't help it any more than she could help the deep breath she took before she walked towards them.

"What's she doing here?" Daniel groused.

"Is that?" Cassie blinked in surprise.

"Surprise!" Janet grinned.

"It's Sam?" Cassie's eyes widened. Then she rushed towards her with all her juvenile energy. "Sam!"

Sam wasn't ready for that, not in the sightless. She'd always had a soft spot for Cassie. It was so big that she'd almost resigned to her post on SG-1 to adopt her. Seeing her so grown up, so changed, made her cringe at all that she had lost on that front too.

The young woman rushing towards her looked nothing like the child they'd rescued from Hanka. Yet, it was her. She knew that much when she was engulfed in a tight hug. One that seemed to be able to collect and piece together some of the pieces of her old broken heart. She felt… Feelings.

She wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry. She shouldn't cry.

Sam gulped, knowing that all eyes were set on them. Feeling awkwardly self-conscious, and utterly terrified that someone would know that under all her nonchalance, she still cared. Especially about her former friends. She was terrified that someone would figure out that despite all, she still was human somehow. Not when she still was wearing that cold facade to keep her sanity on a base that she had called home. That now felt as cold and hollow as she was.

Shimming in place, she'd patted Cassie's back awkwardly. She couldn't wait to let go of the awkward hug and the claustrophobia that it brought. After all, she had only gotten hugs from three people since her disappearance. Logan Wales, back in the days, when she had just figured out she was pregnant. He had been the only one nearby, and for the last goodbye, she had with him. Parker, every time she'd needed some sort of reassurance. P's hugs were a lifeline. And then, the one that reminded her of Jack the most. The one that was so close to him but so far from being him. The one that Connor O'Neill had given her.

"Sam… Oh my God, it's been so long," Cassie whispered, taking a step back and watching her.

"Yeah," she said, a tight smile on her face. Eyes drinking in the sight of her goddaughter, while trying at the same time to keep feelings out of the way. "You've grown so much."

"I almost died too," Cassie grinned. "We've got a lot to catch up! Come on! You know, no one told me you were coming!" She said. Lacing their fingers together and dragging Sam to what, ages ago, would've been her group. Her old team, her friends… People she used to think of as family. She gulped when her eyes found a way to her husband's.

"Hi," she said, feeling a bit self-conscious and a lot shy. Daniel clenched his jaw and walked away from the group.

"General!" Vala grinned welcomingly. Then she rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, I'll get him. He's such a drama queen sometimes." The alien huffed and disappeared towards the house.

With that, the chatter started up all over again. Sam felt she could at least try to breathe now, that they had at least acknowledged her presence. Although the tension never left her shoulders. By the stiff position in which he was standing, she knew tension had never left Jack's either.

Sam had convinced herself she wasn't going to stay long. Just enough to make an appearance and congratulate Janet. Then disappear back to allow the crew to relax. That Daniel had rushed away from her presence, wasn't shocking at all. It had hurt her a lot more than she supposed it would.

However, she stood there for a quick chat. Nothing too deep as Mitchell introduced her to the girl in his arms. Then when the couple had walked over to meet someone else. The remainder of the group had shared a laugh about something Sam didn't understand.

"You shouldn't worry much about learning that girl's name. It'll be a new one before you do." Janet said. Noticing she was completely lost to the inside joke. She felt, even more, the outsider once Janet had tried to help her fit in. Then, to make it even more awkward to herself, Cassie had taken her to the side. For a long-awaited conversation, she only had a partial interest to take part in.

No matter how much she had tried to convince herself she could do this. That she could face them and get her old life back. No matter how inspiring Connor's words were… Sam hadn't been ready for it. It wasn't long before she felt her heart breaking when she realized that no matter how she had followed every step of Cassie's life, from afar, it wasn't the same. Not when Cassie started telling her how much things had changed in her life. How much of Cassie's life she had lost.

She'd risked a glance towards Jack. Then she understood why he hadn't mentioned their daughter. Why he'd become even more bitter towards her, the days after meeting Parker. She understood it now clearly. If learning about what she'd lost of Cassie's life was painful. It should be even worse for Jack. To learn all he had lost from his own unknown daughters' life.

She wondered for a second if that was what would finally keep them apart. Well, along with everything else during the past eleven years and the regulations on the previous four.

She felt his eyes on her and raised her gaze to meet his. They took a deep breath, as somehow the corner of both of their lips curled upwards slightly in painful understanding. Then she heard it. It was Vala's voice.

"Stop being so stupidly childish!" She had shouted. In a moment everything went silent for a second. Sam blushed. She knew it had to do with herself.

"I'm sorry, Sam. You know him. He'll come around." Cassie said. Sam only nodded.

"I should go," she said instead. She hadn't even picked up something to drink. If she was honest, the smell of the grill along with the nervous tension was making her a bit nauseous.

"You just got here." Cassie pouted. Sam's hand found the not so young girl's face and caressed it softly. Almost motherly.

"I missed you, terribly." She stated in a whisper. For a second Cassie thought she saw tears shining in Sam's eyes. Soon it was controlled and there was nothing more than blue eyes, so cold that they became unreadable. "I'll see myself out." She announced.

She searched for Janet's eyes for a second. Found them and nodded. Janet understood. This was one of the reasons Sam had asked her if she was sure she wanted her there.

Truth was, Sam had hoped Daniel of all people would understand how it felt to return to a place after being gone. How everyone seemed to have moved on, and at the same time, everything seemed the same.

Ignoring her thoughts. Sam marched inside the house to find him and Vala. Both standing in a defensive stance. "You can return to the party. I'm going now." She stated. Vala took a deep breath and mouthed an 'I'm sorry.' Sam nodded and walked a bit past Daniel.

"Of all people, Daniel. I truly thought you would understand what it's like," she whispered. "I guess I was wrong. Another one in a long list of mistakes." She smiled sadly at him. Without giving him time to answer. She walked out of the house, entered her SUV, and drove away.

She couldn't blame Daniel for not understanding. No, not really. She loved him dearly, brotherly, and that made things complicated. She knew he had loved her. In that same brotherly manner at some point, too. But love, it seemed, was overrated in her life. Father, brother, friends, lover, daughter… It didn't matter the what, it only helped to complicate things in her life.

She shook her head as tears fell from her eyes. Now that there wasn't anyone around to watch her. She drove to a viewpoint. She couldn't go home with her emotions barely under control. Not when Parker would be still up.

If she was honest, she desperately wanted a hug. Jack's hug. Those always seemed to be able to fill the void and fix her without words. He always seemed to be able to fix what she didn't even know it was broken. But now she knew… Could he help her fix herself? When she hadn't been able to do it?

She shook her head. She thought about Daniel. How he was avoiding her, as if not contacting them, had been easy for her. As if it was all her fault to be drawn out of their lives. As if it was her fault to return. She chuckled dryly. That was her fault.

Cleaning the stubborn tears off her face. She thought about Teal'c and Janet. How they seemed to be willing to give her a chance. Even when she wasn't searching for one. When she was slicing every chance with her behavior.

She thought about Mark's reaction to the news. How he had welcomed her, and at the same time, he hadn't. How she felt so utterly left out of her own life. Then she thought about her dad. She didn't even know if he was alive. It had been years since the last time he'd showed up at the SGC.

The image of Cassie passed by her mind's eye and she cried again. She was a full-adult now. She had missed it all. She thought about how it would be like to introduce Cassie to Parker. Sam wondered if Cass would feel like she'd replaced her with a daughter of her own. Or if Parker would understand that she loved Cass as much as she loved her.

She rested her head on the wheel and took deep breaths as Jack entered her mind. Why wasn't he near? Why wasn't he trying to figure out what was wrong with her? Why wasn't he keeping her sane when everything seemed so chaotic and out of control? When everything seemed so… _Normal_ …

"This is it, Samantha Carter. You need to get your head out of your ass. You need to become who you were or accept who you are… You can't hide in the years that went by forever." She said. Looking at her reflection in the rear-view mirror. She cleaned her face the best she could and squared her shoulders.

"You've got till the end of the year to fix this mess. You can't keep ruining people's lives anymore. Not when you know perfectly well how it feels to have yours ruined."

She gulped. Her fears, doubts, and guilt all mixed together with the finality of her words. She made up her mind. No one deserved the issues she was causing. She had wanted to be Samantha Carter for the past eleven years. She had already wasted so much time.

"Fucking time. It's always you, damn it!" She muttered. Then she turned the engine on and drove away. With her feelings all over the place, she reached home. She thanked Jessica and let her go.

For the longest time, she stood by Parker's door, watching her daughter sleep.

"For you P. I'll do it for you." She said.

She wouldn't force her daughter to have a relationship with a father that didn't seem to care about her. She wouldn't force Jack to have a relationship with a daughter he didn't want to meet or didn't ask about. Not even if knowing they wouldn't be a family after all they had gone through, kept breaking her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... :S


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, to be honest... I was fretting about posting this one... So... enjoy(?)

**Sunday, September 30, 2012**

It's not surprising for Parker to learn her mom was up at an ungodly hour, even on a Sunday. It truly doesn't surprise her to learn that at some point, the personal trainer Uncle Jordan found for her had arrived at the house. Since they were at the fighting part of the training, Parker just knew the guy had been in the basement for over an hour, trying to keep her mom from beating him too badly after that first black eye she had given him.

Having a Jessica was new. Her mom having a trainer wasn't. A Jessica wasn't needed before, not when she was dropped off at school and picked up later. Then she could have her mom, almost to herself, as they both worked on their things side by side in her mom's office. It was needed now that her mom wasn't at home most of the time. When she was, they ended up working side by side in her office unless it was too late.

Now, the trainer… she learned that was a need. Parker often wondered. How much of her mom's sanity depended on being able to waste energy. With killing exercises that ended up with movie-like spars that weren't faked at all. She wondered if the way her mom angrily punched and kicked whoever was training her during their different lives, was what kept her from falling apart so often. If that was the release that allowed her to only cry every once in a while, inside the safety of her bathroom.

Even if her mom rarely showed it, P knew her mom was sad, angry, and, broken. She never dared to ask or question it… She had tried to fix it. Yet, she learned at an early age, she wouldn't be able to fix what she didn't know how it was broken. So, whenever her mom appeared with eyes a bit too swollen. Adverting her gaze too much, Parker tried to joke, to make her happy. To give her long hugs that she often returned tightly. As if keeping her that close was really the only thing helping her, somehow.

Now, the doorbell going off on a Sunday morning… That was utterly unexpected.

Knowing the doorbell wasn't heard in the basement. Parker walked to the front door and peered out the peephole. She found a redheaded woman on the other side and frowned. There was a slight tingling in her body, she didn't know what it was. She also felt it with her mom. So, she opened the door and crooked her head.

"Hello? How might I help you?" Parker asked, a curious look on her face.

Cassie blinked several times. The curious look was too familiar to her and so unknown. The tingling of Naquadah was also rare.

"Oh, hey! Hi! I… Hmm… It's Sam home?" Cassie asked. Shaking her head at her lousy communication skills.

"Sam?" Parker frowned in confusion.

"Yeah?" She frowned too. "Samantha Carter? General Carter?" She said then. The girl's eyes flashed a hint of recognition before she nodded.

"Oh! Yeah, I know who you mean…" Parker rolled her eyes and facepalmed herself. Then she frowned, "Uh, can I see some credentials?"

"Credentials?" Cassie frowned in confusion.

"Some sort of ID?" Parker offered.

In all her years on Earth, no one had ever asked for her ID to get into a house before. But the girl seemed adamant and was still blocking the door. Behind her, there was no sign of Sam. So, Cassie shrugged it off, found her driving's license, and presented it to the girl.

Parker studied the ID, then the woman in front of her. Then once again looked at the picture.

"Cassandra Fraiser?" Cassie grinned.

"Yup, that's me. And you are?"

"Parker. At least for now," she shrugged.

"For now?" Cass asked. Wondering what the heck that could mean coming from a what? Eight or nine years old? A tall one at that, too.

"I've been others," P answered almost cryptically, adding a shrug. Then gave Cass one long look. "You aren't USAF."

"No."

"How do you know her?" Parker asked. Cassie thought what could make the most sense.

Saying that Sam and her team rescued her. Or that Sam risked her life to keep her company when they thought she was a bomb. Telling her that Sam had saved her. Then was there for her the following years whenever she needed a shoulder to cry. Or some extra reassurance that everything would be alright. That often she was the one who told her that people loved her. No matter how fucked up her beginnings on Earth was. That her mom loved her despite not being her flesh and blood… Saying any of those would only confuse the girl.

"I'm her goddaughter." She shrugged. When she thought she had gone silent for too long.

P frowned. For as long as she had lived, Parker couldn't remember her mom mentioning a goddaughter. But she hadn't mentioned a brother, sister-in-law, or that she had cousins either. So, it wouldn't be so out of the box if her mom forgot to mention a goddaughter too.

She opened the door cautiously. Returning Cassie's ID with one last look at both the picture and the woman. Then she moved out of the way. "She's downstairs kicking her trainer."

"Kicking her trainer?" Cassie asked with a huge grin.

"Yeah, she's learned a lot of martial arts over the years." P shrugged. "Even I had to learn some."

"That's cool."

"Yeah, people say that, when they don't know it's for your own safety," Parker rolled her eyes. "Want to wait for her here? I'll go fetch her for you."

"Can I go, too?" Cass asked. Looking around the house that, just like the girl, was so familiar and yet so unknown. Parker shrugged and nodded as she walked towards the basement stairs.

They reached the ground. The moment Sam managed to flip her trainer to the floor and landing on top of him with her knee pressing into his throat.

"Well, done." He said with a huff. She didn't move. Her gaze was fixed, but she was somewhere else as she pressed her knee harder against his throat. Her jaw was tightly clenched and her breathing utterly controlled.

"Mom? Mommy?" Parker called, not daring to walk closer to her. She had seen that side of her mom a few rare times when she had found her in that stance. The trainer shimmied out from under her, trying to get himself free from her grasp. "Mom! Let him go!" Parker shouted then, and the combined effort brought her back from wherever she was.

"Oh, God. Fred, I'm so sorry." She said letting him go and throwing herself to the side.

"It's okay. I'm alive." He said panting to the side. "Now I understand why there was that warning when you agreed to hire me."

"I'm so sorry."

"Not my first military student," he chuckled. "Hey P."

"Are you okay, Fred?"

"Yeah. Who's your friend?" Sam's eyes widened then. Freaking out now that there was a chance of one of Parker's classmates had seen her losing it. She turned around, almost afraid of the horror she would see written in the other kid's eyes. But she only got understanding.

Cassie's eyes fell on hers with a lot of understanding. She knew about night terrors herself. She knew all about her mom's nightmares. She had seen all of them losing it at some point or another. Sam was just one more…

"Cassie…"

"Hey… Are you up for some coffee?" Cassie grinned. "If you are done, I mean."

"Are we done?" Fred asked then. Sam nodded.

"I'm sorry." She said once more.

"Why? You just gave me more reasons to kick your ass harder next time." He grinned, winked at Parker, and messed her hair a bit. "I'll see myself out since you already got a coffee mate. You won't get free of me tomorrow. I'll see you at 4 am sharp."

"I'll be here." Sam nodded. "Do you mind if I get a shower first, Cass?"

"Not at all."

"P… Can you keep her company?"

"Sure, mom."

They walked upstairs. As Sam went to her room, P showed Cassie to the living room. Cassie's eyes fell on the several boxes that laid in every previously free space. Making an odd décor for what she had noticed would be a gorgeous and elegant home.

"Sorry about the boxes. They'll probably be here come June." Parker said noticing the glance.

"That bad?" Cassie grinned. She remembers it took her a while before she had gone through all her boxes. Once she moved out of her dorm and into a department of her own. Parker shrugged again.

"We are way better at packing. It came handy. Unpacking wasn't that much of a needed skill. Mom is worse."

"How come?"

"I'm not sure I should be telling you this," Parker eyed her during a moment. Cassie dropped herself on a couch.

"Holy Fu… Hannah… This is comfy."

"It is," Parker said, squinting at her. "Do you know her from before?"

"Before?"

"Before me?" Parker asked, not quite explaining what she meant by that.

"Yeah. I've never met you before. If that's what you are asking." The girl chewed her lower lip in a way that reminded her of Sam. "I didn't know she had a daughter."

"I didn't know she had a goddaughter. Was she happy before?"

"Happy?"

"Yeah. You know… Not like she's now? Less concerned?"

"It was a different time, Parker. I guess she had a bit less responsibility, or she was just younger. Who knows?"

"She does, but she won't talk to me about it. Never mind, here she comes."

"Everything all right?"

"Yup. I need to get some reading done." Parker said and walked away.

"So…" Cassie said. "You have a daughter."

"I do. Want that coffee?"

"Yes, please. I need to head out to the hospital in a bit. I can't go there without pumping some caffeine."

"I was surprised when you didn't continue in the USAF. For a while, I thought you would." Sam stated as she walked them to the kitchen.

"Huh, this looks nothing like I remember it."

"There was an issue with pipes in the main bathroom a few years ago. They needed to change all the pipes. So, the kitchen also got a makeover," she said, as she set the expresso machine.

"Looks nice. After mom got injured so badly. I spent a lot of time inside the walls of the mountain, you know. I had a good look at the doctors there. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, not the caring and saving lives part. The losing lives without ever getting to explain how you did everything you could, but it wasn't enough. Everything is so classified there, you wouldn't ever get permission to explain yourself. We both know that because of my origins, I was going to end up in that base." She shrugged. "I've already spent a lot of my life down there."

"That you have. How did you…" she started. Waving to the house as she focused on preparing both some coffee.

"Mom mentioned you were living here." Sam frowned. "I think Jack told her." The frown only grew, even as she passed a mug to Cass. "You know, they always got along so nicely. Just like you used too… I guess she was worried about him or something like that. We all struggled with your disappearance, Sam. I had the pleasure of knowing you were alive and that you were going to come back. You promised, and here you are."

"I'm sorry I placed that burden on your shoulders, Cassie. It wasn't fair for you. You were a kid."

"No, you don't get it. It wasn't a burden, Sam. It was hope when I was sure there wasn't any hope left." Cassie looked at Sam with a smile on her face. But she noticed the defeat that shimmered in her eyes for a second. She lowered her mug on the counter, taking a step closer as she hugged Sam tightly. "I love you, Sam. I've missed you and here you are now." She whispered. Sam felt tears falling on her shoulder as she held onto Cassie for her dear life. But she couldn't shed one or she wouldn't be able to stop.

**Sunday, September 30, 2012**

He sure didn't think about waking up like this on a Sunday morning. The pounding at his door was awful, and the warm body usually by his side was nowhere to be seen. Daniel groaned. He'd drank a beer too many, after Sam's appearance at Janet's party.

The pounding continued. Vala wasn't home. He tried to arrange the clothes in which he had slept in. His mind vaguely reminding him that Teal'c had dropped him unceremoniously into his bed. He had mentioned something about him being an imbecile.

He'd never heard Teal'c calling anyone an imbecile before.

"I'm fucking coming!" He growled. "What?!" Daniel said. Yanking the door open, only to find a Jack that looked pretty damn pissed off himself.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Daniel?" Jack asked, pushing him inside. "Huh? When did you become such an ass? When did you start hiding in fucking beers to be brave enough to diss someone when you have no fucking clue what's happening in her life? Huh? Fuck! If Teal'c hadn't thrown yourself over his shoulders and drove you home. If the whole damn crew wasn't there to stop me…. You'll be dead now, Daniel… So, for starts, consider yourself helluva lucky."

"I…" he shook his head. He couldn't remember too much of what he had said or done after she had left. Daniel shivered. He still could remember her words feeling like knives on his skin. He still could remember how he had decided to drink. To try to forget the chill he felt for not having tried to talk with her. Because he was too damn hurt to try. Because he knew Jack was too damn hurt because of her.

"There's no fucking excuse for what you've done yesterday, Daniel! Not fucking one!"

"I don't remember what the fuck I did!" Daniel shouted.

"You said she was an awful friend. That she had only let you down. You said the man she was fucking hadn't been enough, so she returned to fuck our lives. That she was probably romping around, and that's how she got her fucking star. You laughed at that one too… 'A fucking star for fucking around.' You said, Daniel… Half the fucking base was there, Daniel! You already know what's going on in that stupid rumor mill. Now, she'll have to put up with whatever is already screwing her up and the consequences of your stupid mouth. So, you better fucking fix this, Daniel!" Jack hissed.

Daniel opened his mouth, trying to come up with something to say. Truth was, he didn't remember exactly what he had said, but he knew he had said it all to try to keep the pain of her words from feeling like a punch in the gut. Maybe to get Jack to finally move on. To react, somehow. He had definitively gotten the latter.

"I told you she moved on! You know she has a daughter with someone else, Jack… Why don't you move on?! Like I had to with Sha're?" He gulped then, "Why do you still care so fucking much?" He whispered.

"Because the one you called a whore, it's my fucking wife, Daniel! It's bad enough, she has a fucking daughter that's not mine! Then for you to come along and add some shit to the already twisted life we have to, somehow, try to figure out!"

"Your… Wife?"

"Yes! Fuck! We got married before she disappeared, Daniel. I married her, then dropped her off to never see her again. So put your own damn hurt feelings aside. Get your damn big boy pants on and fix this shit! If someone is the injured party here… It ain't you." He added and turned around. "Don't you dare to say a word about my marriage!" He said walking towards the door.

"Jack…" Daniel called, and he stopped. "I'm sorry."

"You better be. Now, find a way to fix it before your words come back to bite her already troubled ass."


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe talking is overrated ...  
> Happy 70! :P

**Saturday, October 13, 2012.**

Sam looks at herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time. There are piles of clothes piled on her bed. Clothes she'd tried on and discarded for one reason or another. Shaking her head, most of the clothes are black, she wonders when she stopped using the colorful clothes she used to wear before all this mess.

She feels eyes on her. When she turns around, she finds Parker grinning at her.

"That one looks fine too," P says.

"You think it's not overdoing it?" Sam asks. Checking herself once again in the mirror.

It's nothing more than yet another black ensemble. A black pencil skirt, a tight fit black sweater, and a black leather jacket, and dark leather boots. What makes Parker smile is the fact that she has on makeup that brings out her eyes. Tiny earrings and the ever-present chain that Parker knew held a white gold wedding band and now also a pair of dog tags.

"Not at all, you are looking amazing, mom. Jessica is already here and so are Mia and Anna. Now… Care to tell me why you're so nervous?" Parker grinned.

"I'm not nervous." Sam shook her head.

"No, just worried about clothes," She grinned. "Can I know what's the occasion?"

"Ah, I told you before, didn't I?"

"Nope."

"It's General O'Neill's birthday party."

"Oh," she said. Not really knowing who he was, yet remembering the name. She also understood her mom was nervous as it is, without her trying to pry out more answers. "You're gorgeous, mom. Don't change again or you won't ever leave!" Parker giggled.

Sam risked a glance at her watch, "Shoot! I'm late. I'll be home soon, P."

"Have fun!"

"You too!" She said. "Don't stay up too late and don't eat too much junk!" Sam stopped for a second. Wondering if it was wise to leave her daughter with her older classmates, but then shook her head. Parker was even more levelheaded than she had been at her age.

"I know, I know… Don't worry."

"I always worry," Sam said, placing a soft kiss on Parker's hair.

Sam walked to her SUV and jumped in. She felt the urge to turn the GPS on, but the truth was she knew exactly where Jack's house was. Along with several routes as to how to get there, from the time he had bought it. In case, she ever needed to provide him with some sort of escape.

As she drove, she thought of what had transpired after Janet's party. The rumor mill was partial to believing Daniel's drunken words. That she had slept through the ladder and that's why she'd had to disappear, to begin with. The awful part was that there was some truth in his words. Daniel had voiced loudly that she had fucked Jack before she had left. Now everyone knew that, and there was proof. There was some cleaning that happened too, or so she figured. When the rumor mill also added that if 'the Generals had fucked' it had happened, when they were out of their direct chain of command.

On one drunken night, Daniel had made a bigger mess for her than before. He had visited her office first thing Monday morning to apologize. The damage was already done, though. The one thing that had started to shift people from that was that SG-1 was giving her support. They were shushing anyone who dared to speak ill about her.

They had also joined her at her table for lunch. That had been awkward at first but had gained her some brownie points with the crew.

Now, it had been just three days ago when the invitation happened. To say she was surprised when he had walked into her office. Dropped himself casually in a chair in front of her, waiting for her to finish her call. That was an understatement. She had issues concentrating when he had looked at her with those understanding eyes.

"You still have found nothing to put in that?" he asked. Pointing to the empty cabinets behind her. She shrugged.

"There's not much I can put in there that I can feel proud of."

"You should add your medals," he said. "It would help with the rumors. You know, if you show them off as if you are proud of those achievements."

"I'm not proud of them. I don't deserve them." She said honestly. No matter how further apart they were. Or how much time had passed since they'd had a normal conversation like regular human beings. She still couldn't find it in herself to lie to him.

"I'm sure you deserve them," he said softly.

"I'm sure someone thought I did." She shrugged. "I bet you aren't here to speak about my decorating skills or lack thereof."

"No. Actually… I came to invite you to my birthday party." Sam frowned. Her lips curved slightly, sadly.

"The big six-oh." She said. There were so many words left unsaid after that. Until he nodded, breaking whatever spell had taken over them.

"Yup, I'm throwing a small shindig this Saturday."

"But your birthday is in a week…." She frowned. Then it dawned on her. "You're going to Minnesota for the real date." She stated. He nodded once, curtly. "Are you sure you really want me there, sir?"

"If I had to pick anyone, I wouldn't do it without, that would be you, Carter. I know that. I've been there too many fucking times." He said, she gulped. "As I said, it'll be small. You can bring that kid of yours if you want."

'That kid of yours' she had thought then and shaken her head. "She has a pajama party that night, sir." She hadn't until then, but she'd decided. She wouldn't force a relationship with Parker on him. Besides throwing Parker into the midst of his birthday party, surprising everyone with their daughter. Especially when the rumor mill was already exploding, wasn't something she wanted to do.

"Oh," he said. For a second she thought he was disappointed. "But you'll come, right?"

"I'll try, sir."

"And if I make it an order?" He joked. She gave him a barely-there smile. When she wanted nothing more than to rush into his arms and kiss him, for trying to bring back whatever remains of a friendship was left between them.

Now here she was, parking in front of his house. Trying to decide if it was a good idea or not. The lights of another car shone through her cabin and she took a deep breath. Moments later, Daniel was knocking on her window. She rolled down the window.

"Hey, Sam." He smiled. As per usual now it was a small tentative smile drenched with sorrow and guilt. "Are you coming or going?" he asked then.

"Hey, General." Vala also said.

"Daniel, Vala. I was just thinking I'm awfully late to be arriving."

"Don't worry, they have me. I'm always late." Vala grinned almost proudly. "And we aren't late. Everyone knows Jack likes to invite us an hour earlier, so I'll show up on time."

"Does he?" Sam frowned in confusion.

"Yeah. He started when we arrived two hours late on time. She knows it and doesn't care, anyway." Daniel shrugged. "See, that's Mitchell arriving too."

"I never thought I would live to the day I'd see Samantha Carter arriving late," Daniel joked as they started walking towards the front door.

"I got distracted," she offered a bit awkwardly. Vala rolled her eyes.

"Give her a break, Daniel. It was most likely thanks to that kid we don't know she has." Sam blanched at that. "Oh, hey Jack! Happy not-birthday." Vala said. Pecking his cheek loudly as he stood by his opened door.

"Whoa, this is a miracle. You are on time for once?!" Jack joked. Then he stood still when he noticed the one person who hadn't stepped inside his home yet. "Carter, are you planning on freezing outside? Or are ya gonna come in at some point?" He said. The twinkling in his eyes told her he was happy to see her there. That she was welcomed.

"So, Carter got everything settled for that little pajama party back home?" Jack asked. Then held a flinch in when he noticed how poorly worded that was. A slap to the back of his head coming from Cassie came soon. Sam gave him an awkward half-smile.

"Yes. Parker was settling in perfectly when I left her with her friends."

"Parker? Are we going to meet her anytime soon?" Daniel asked.

"I have," Jack frowned. "And so has Cassie. Maybe you're the unlucky one, Space monkey. Okay! I'd better go set the grill if we want to eat at some point tonight."

"You haven't started it?" Cassie asked in dismay.

"Yeah, well... You know them!" He waved towards Daniel and Vala. "I thought they wouldn't be here for another hour." Vala grinned.

"We can come back later if you wish." She winked at him and gave Sam a knowing look that had her fighting to control a blush. "So, I've heard you two were an item for a short time," Vala said, wriggling her eyebrows. Sam looked uncomfortable but nodded.

"Oh… Janet!" She shouted. Janet came rolling her eyes.

"What, Vala?"

"We need a girl's night out!"

"Why this time?" Janet asked amusedly.

"So, General Carter can spill all the details about her Jack time. I'm willing to bet it was short but highly satisfying."

"Vala!" Cassie said, blushing. "God! That was something I didn't ever want to imagine."

"And people say I'm the one with the dirty mind." Vala grinned.

Somehow the night was a whole different event. Sam found herself feeling a bit more at ease in their presence. Enough to even have a beer to try to loosen up slightly.

The beer didn't work that much, because she kept feeling Jack's eyes roaming her body. She kept stealing glances towards him. He kept grazing her every time he could, sending shivers down her spine. She had noticed his pupils dilating as he watched her, his lips parting ever so slightly.

She had excused herself to the bathroom at some point. If only to get away from his heated gaze and gain some control over her own. She had splashed cold water overheated cheeks. Deciding she was going to need some wine if she was going to pretend that the blush was the result of her drink.

It had been a bad idea and at the same time such a great one. She had slid into his kitchen. Where she knew the drinks were at the disposal of whoever wanted to pick them. So had he. He placed himself just behind her, trapping her between the counter and his body, yet not touching her at all.

Her hand trembled a little as she lowered the wine bottle, trying not to spill it or break it. He had stretched over her to grab the whiskey that was hidden in the cupboard, effectively caressing her back with his warmth. She closed her eyes as he lowered the bottle on the right and pressed himself to her. Picking a glass that was closer to her left.

Sam wanted nothing more than to press back against him. As her heart raced in her throat and need pooled low in her belly. He cocooned her between his arms as he poured his drink in the glass. She sucked her lip to avoid the moan that wanted to get out, as she felt him take a deep breath by her ear.

He growled lowly. Lowered the glass and the bottle and without a warning placed a small kiss just below her ear. Someone laughed. Bringing them back to the present and how public the situation was for them to be doing something like this.

Jack didn't ask for forgiveness. Sam didn't complain about it either. "Thanks for coming, it means a lot." He whispered to her ear before he grabbed the glass and disappeared outside. Needing the cool air to shake himself from what he was about to do.

If it weren't for the laughter. He would've turned her around and kissed her senseless. That would've been the best birthday gift he could've gotten.

Sam stood on shaky legs for a while. Trying to calm down her racing heart. She downed the glass of wine in one swift movement. She wondered what would've happened if that laugh hadn't interrupted him. Would've she felt the warmth of his lips on hers again? Would they be able to stop themselves if they kissed after so long?

She excused herself, going home not so long after that. Not before searching his eyes, to reassure him, she wasn't running from him. Just from the situation. He understood clearly. He would've dragged her to his room and not let her out until they had both retrieved some much needed lost time. Yet, she had a daughter that needed her. He couldn't just keep Sam from her because he wanted to selfishly make love to her until they fell asleep, tangled, and spent.

His lips curved slightly… Maybe for his real birthday.


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Jack...   
> :D

**Friday, October 19, 2012.**

For the entire week, he had dreamed about her. Jack dreamt about how he had cornered her against his kitchen counter, but there was no laughter to interrupt them. How she had pressed back into him before his hand tangled in her hair. How she had allowed him to move her head enough to kiss her.

He woke up every time when his lips were about to reach hers. Panting excited, and groaning in frustration at knowing that he couldn't kiss her, not even in his dreams. He'd ended up watching their old videos from surveillance and taking matters into his own hands.

So now, he was more than willing to get out of his house and be on his way to the cabin. At least, he wouldn't have the actual memory of having her warm body pressed close to his every time he glanced towards his kitchen. The memories of the cabin were old. Not as powerful anymore as the knowing she still reacted to his closeness.

It was knowing _that_ what was driving him insane. Knowing it and having to pretend there wasn't a need pooling low, every time he focused on her. He knew she was struggling too. He'd noticed how her movements around him were now more controlled.

If they happened to share the lunch table. She would watch first where her glass was going to end up before lowering it. If only to avoid her hand grazing his. This not touching and avoiding closeness reminded him of those first years. Every once in a while, it made him smile.

He wasn't sure what had happened in the almost twelve years, since they got married and went separated ways. He was sure there was still a connection between them. That she still felt things… Feelings, he hoped… For him.

Jack was considering all this as he finished packing his things. To get on his way to the cabin. As usual, he was going to drive up there in the wee hours of the night. If only to have a moment to himself before he got there, and his family took over everything.

Lights were coming from the outside. That told him that someone had ended up confusing the streets once again. He had, after all, got himself a house at the end of a dead-end road. So, whoever it was most likely was using his driveway to turn around.

The lights didn't move back but rather turned off. He frowned. Something was off. He was now wondering if he should've left way earlier, instead of the usual time. Just to throw off whoever was there.

He walked to the first windows towards that side he found and peered outside. "Fuck…" he muttered as he noticed the white SUV. One he'd come to know in the past weeks. "There goes your chance at escaping that damned mountain." He muttered. As the driver walked down the driveway towards the house. Finally, under enough light for him to see. He frowned in confusion. "Maybe it's the first stop before heading there…" he thought.

**Friday, October 19, 2012.**

Since her return, Sam had issues feeling at ease in her blues. She thought it might be related to the brand-new medals. The ones she thought she didn't deserve or something to do with the stupid heels she wasn't used to wearing anymore. Then, she remembered that other than her time at the Pentagon. She had always felt a bit uncomfortable wearing them for the attention that brought to her. Whereas at the Pentagon and DC she could mix easily with the crowd. In places like the SGC, the blues stuck out like a sore thumb.

At the SGC, people wore civvies if their post was as a civilian consultant, or BDUs if they were military. Then, there were civilians like Daniel, who enjoyed the BDUs better than their own clothes. Over two months earlier, she'd decided that sticking to the blues was what she had to do, as Hammond had. Seeing Jack wearing his in that first meeting with Reynolds and that alien Chieftain had confirmed her choice was correct.

However, when he had dropped by her office to invite her to his party almost ten days earlier, he was wearing his BDUs.

She had tested using BDUs on base twice since. It didn't cause more surprises than the first day she'd showed up in civvies and got changed inside her VIP room. That had happened over a month ago and only because she had a meeting with P's teacher that day. Sam hadn't wanted to bring more attention to herself, or Parker by showing up to her school in her blues. So she had packed those for dressing up at the mountain. Showing up in one of the many black ensembles that comprised her civvies.

'God, this feels so weird,' she had thought back then. When the guards eyed her with surprise at not seeing her covered in her blues. She figured it wasn't so bad, that it was just the novelty of seeing her out of uniform.

'You aren't doing anything wrong,' she had to remind herself several times. Trying to convince herself that she'd changed at the mountain for years and it never had bothered like it did that day.

The rumor mill had gone crazy too. Comments on how well she looked. How General O'Neill was one lucky bastard for having banged her. Mixed with the already fueled rumors that had started since Daniel's comments at Janet's party.

It was just her luck that the moment she was on her way out of the mountain, dressed back in her black civvies, the unauthorized off-world activation went off, and she had to rush back in. She'd called Jessica to let her know she was going to be late. "I'll get ready the guests' room," Jessica said. Sam had agreed.

Rubbing her face tiredly, she checked her watch. SG-13 had an accident as they climbed a peak. That had required her to stay until SG-9 and SG-7 could be deployed to help them out. They were now all safely tucked in the infirmary. Broken legs and arms being the main result of SG-13s mission.

So, she was tired. Pissed off that something so stupid, like tripping on a rock, had resulted in four injured members. An hour debriefing around the infirmary, once they knew they were all out of danger. Then, another hour of debriefing from the rescue teams.

No one batted an eye when she moved around in her civvies anymore. Not when she was rushing from the secondary checkpoint back to level twenty-eight. Or when she joined SG-13 at the medical labs. Nor when she had gotten back to level twenty-seven to get to the last meeting of that day. Eyes followed, though. She could feel the eyes on her as she moved, but she decided there was nothing she could do about it anymore.

She had dropped into her chair, after all that, and looked at the one where Jack had sat to invite her to his birthday. She looked at the clock on her wall, the only add-on in her entire office, and smiled. _"If I had to pick anyone, I wouldn't do it without. That would be you, Carter. I know that. I've been there too many fucking times."_ Her mind provided her with his voice.

Could she? Should she?

She shook her head, "he is on his way to Minnesota, Sam," she said, rolling her eyes to herself. She grabbed her wallet and keys, she'd dropped them on her desk at some point during the night and started her way topside.

Making herself comfortable inside the cabin of her SUV. She couldn't help the shiver that ran through her as she remembered the way he'd cornered her against the counter. She knew how she would react if that laughter hadn't interrupted her. She wanted him.

She loved him.

Knowing that she would've backed against his warm offering. That she would've pushed her body towards his and let a moan after feeling him so close. That she would've turned around and allowed him to take her right then and there, if they hadn't been brought back to reality, so rudely. Knowing he was still interested in her in that way made it completely different.

Without even realizing it, she turned onto a street that wasn't hers and gulped. She knew that street. It had no other end than the driveway of the man she was thinking about. She checked the clock and noticed that, if it was by his custom, she might have just caught him before he left.

If he was there…

She parked her SUV in his driveway, right beside his truck. The house was dark. So she considered he might have flown to the cabin. It certainly wouldn't be a first, but she knew how much he loved driving at night.

Taking a deep breath, her feet carried her to his front door. "What are you doing, Samantha?" She mumbled as she stopped her finger from pressing the doorbell. It wasn't even close to a regular time to press a doorbell. There was no impending doom to justify it, either. She took another breath and panicked.

What the fuck she was doing at this time of the day at his house? She'd been thinking about the things he could do to her. Like how she needed his warm embrace and his earth-shaking skills. To make her forget all about a world that was so ungrateful and unforgiving to people like herself… And him.

She gulped. Shaking her head, she turned around.

He opened the door as she shook her head as if to dismiss whatever was on her mind. He thought he could read her mind, working up excuses as to how whatever was happening under the mountain could wait until his return. He knew her. Her mind would come up with something because she had given him those kinds of explanations before… Way back in the day, and once or twice in the two months since she'd returned.

On those newer occasions, he'd thought she'd found them only so as not to have to deal with him. But, now that he knew she reacted to him in the same way he reacted towards her, things fell into place. She hadn't just tried to keep him away. She'd found a way not to disturb him. For once, he felt grateful that someone had taken actions into their own hands to give him some time off from the troubles that came with his position, solutions instead of issues.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Before he could help himself, mostly because she was a step too close to being out of reach. He wanted her close. He would turn sixty in little less than an hour. Maybe this could be the first year he got older with her by his side… No matter what kind of shenanigans someone had managed to make, to put them in this position.

She turned around, eyes widened and surprised by his voice. It was deep, tired, and send shivers down her spine like always. She licked her lips, feeling slightly out of breath.

"I…" she tried, but she couldn't find any words.

"Come inside, it's freezing out here. You aren't exactly dressed for standing outside," Jack said, noticing her attire. He tried not to be jealous of the way her clothes could freely hug every inch of her body. "And neither am I." He added as a gust of wind chilled his half-naked arm. The wind came at the right time, too. Since he had to take a deep breath when she nodded and sauntered inside.

His heater was still on, and his house was warm. So, she shrugged off the leather jacket she'd been wearing. Jack gulped as she did it. Her blouse tightened against her breasts. That sent all kinds of signs to his already short-circuited brain. "Want something to drink?"

"I…"

"We are going to need something strong for whatever you're here to talk about, right?" He asked.

She frowned in confusion. If she was honest, she had only one clue as to what she wanted to do while she was there. It had nothing to do with talking. Maybe a few words here and there, but definitively, no talking. She couldn't exactly tell him that she had driven there without intent. As she thought about him fucking her so hard, that she would forget her own name. Could she?

He offered her a tumbler with an amber liquid, and she smiled. "It's the one you brought," he said. "It was a nice detail."

"It's your favorite," Sam shrugged. "Or it was your favorite…" she amended. "It wasn't what you were having the other night…"

"No, it wasn't. It still is, though." He shrugged, taking a sip.

"Huh?" She had issues following his answer because she was too distracted by the way his lips had opened before he took the smallest sip. How his throat swallowed sexily. She blinked… 'His throat swallowed sexily? What the actual fuck?' She thought.

"It wasn't the one I was having that night. It wasn't what I wanted to have that night." He whispered, his eyes locking onto hers. Without thinking it twice and figuring thinking was something she wasn't able to do in front of him anymore. She downed the liquid in one swift movement. His eyes darkened.

Sam stood up. She strolled towards him and straddled him. While at the same time, she was not touching him at all. She sucked in her lower lip and squinted slightly. As if measuring his interest in her. Without losing eye contact, he pulled her impossibly close.

She moaned, and he growled. They surged together and kissed frantically. There wasn't enough time to get rid of all they wanted to get rid of. They both knew they would stop if they thought it through. So, still kissing, she simply raised herself to the floor and got rid of her pants and underwear. Under her, Jack shimmied out of his.

Torturously slow she lowered herself on him. It was heaven. Her hips moved and so did his. Soon he was turning over her on the couch so he could thrust faster. She met him thrust by thrust until she was clenching around him. She kept him trapped between her legs until he finished. His warmth filling her in ways she had forgotten. He lowered himself on top of her, not afraid of crushing her with his weight.

He knew she could take him. He knew she enjoyed feeling crushed by his boneless body. She kissed him once and turned her head to the side. Her cellphone, that lay discarded over the coffee table next to the glass, shone.

"Happy birthday, my love," she whispered so slowly that he thought he imagined it. She hugged him so tightly. That he wondered if he was finally going to be able to collect all the pieces he was missing. But then she shuffled out from under him.

"I need to go…" She whispered. She didn't seem ashamed, angry, or disgruntled by what they'd done. He followed her eyes and landed his sight on her phone. She had to go home. To whoever was waiting for her to return. For whoever was on the other end of that call, that managed to make her smile.

He nodded, untangling himself from her. He stood up and fixed his clothes, as she did the same in the darkness of his living room. Her hand found his chest, where his heart was beating wildly. She smiled softly and moved forward, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I hope this gift was better than the last one," she said. He nodded. At least, there were no regrets so far. It was a gift… Making love to her frantically as they enjoyed each other on the night of his sixtieth birthday.

He nodded. What else could he say? Stay? Come with me to the cabin?

"Don't overthink it, Jack." She said. As he walked her to the front door where she covered her glorious body back with the dark leather jacket. "I promise you, I'll do that enough for both of us." Taking a deep breath, she risked another kiss. This time to the corner of his mouth. "Have fun with your family." She added and disappeared out into the night.


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overthinking much? :D

**Saturday, October 20, 2012**

As she had promised Jack, she over thought for both of them. She didn't check the message on her phone until she parked in her driveway. She knew it was just a reminder of his birthday as if she needed one.

Dismissing the message. She rushed inside and made a beeline for her room. Only stopping for a second to check on their daughter. _Her_ daughter, Parker, was peacefully sleeping, clutching the one teddy bear that had survived her first years. That teddy bear, a doll hidden inside her closet, and Sam were the only real constants in Parker's life.

Closing the door, Sam thought she would've loved to have her little family reunited. That wouldn't be what happened to them, it seemed. After all, Jack had only mentioned their daughter when he had invited her to his party. Then when Parker's pajama party was brought up during that party.

She got to her bathroom, losing her clothes quickly. Opening the shower as hot as she could. She wasn't going to cry, not tonight. She simply needed to clear her mind and somehow forget how his hands felt all over her body. How he had filled her so perfectly once again. How his weight had made her feel warm and loved as he panted his exhaustion into her neck.

Shivering, she remembered every detail of the night. She knew she would dream about it all over again. Only to wake up needing him more than she already did. She had unconsciously driven there and consciously taken the steps to make love to him in that way. Hoping that he wouldn't throw her away and break her already battered heart once more.

What could they do now? What should she do? Try to salvage whatever was left of their marriage? At least, the sex part of it seemed to be in prime condition. Should she keep herself away from him? Should they start some sort of weird we-are-still-married-but-we-only-want-to-fuck-each-other-senseless kind of affair?

She sucked her lower lip and could almost taste him on her lips. It was still swollen by the brusque make-out session that had taken over them. She wondered if there was a moment in which they would fall into the slow, romantic pace of lovemaking… But then, she remembered their week together and how it wasn't so slow but rather harsh, crude, and completely breathtaking. Unless they were so devastated by the turn of the events that they wanted to prolong every second into hours. Either way, it was always honest. It was always so them, that she couldn't remember anyone who had understood her so well.

Even now, he hadn't hesitated. He hadn't asked. He hadn't wondered if it was right, or if she was sure. He just took what she had offered with the same ease she had offered it, to begin with. He had groaned and panted right along with her and had enjoyed every short-lived second of their mating.

She shook her head. Would it be obvious they'd had a quick romp at his house for his birthday the next time they saw each other? Would it be noticeable they had given in? Would it raise questions about their involvement or how it would affect the future of the program and HWS?

Sam only knew the answer for the latter, it wouldn't. When they assigned her there, they knew she was married to him. Now, the other two…. She sighed. She did a quick job of cleaning herself before donning her pajamas.

There was one thing that this had opened for her. She knew that for him; she was still Samantha Carter. His Carter. His Sam. Now, she only needed to find herself in there. So, she took the first step.

She walked down to the living room where all her Sam Carter boxes lay still abandoned and closed. Still with the dust of the years piled on top of the ones that were on top. She caressed the lid of the first one she saw.

The bigger part of unboxing Sam Carter had happened a day or two after the arrival of her old stuff. She had called the Salvation Army center she'd seen, and they had collected the old albeit almost unused furniture that had cluttered her garage.

She grabbed the top box and lowered it on the floor near the couch. Then decided she needed another drink for this to happen. She walked to the kitchen. Smiling as she found the same whiskey Jack loved. That she had learned to love during the years, if only because it reminded her of him.

With a tumbler in hand, she walked back to the living room. Then observed the box sitting next to her feet for a second. She took a sip, then slowly peeled the box open. There wasn't much in there, just clothes she was sure wouldn't fit anymore.

She went through it anyway. Only to find a black turtleneck that was a couple of sizes too big for being hers. She frowned. The rest of the clothes she'd found looked like hers. So, she took a quick look at the top. She shook her head when she saw the 'property of Jack O'Neil' stamp and grinned.

"It must be one of those he had lent you on a mission and you never returned it." She smiled fondly at nothing at all. Folding it back, she placed it to her side and then fit everything back else back inside. She closed the box and moved it close to the entry. She would take that and whatever else she found to the Goodwill. Most of the stuff she had was barely used. Back then, she used to spend so much time on base that her civvies rarely saw the light of day.

She took another sip of her drink and found another box. More clothes, winter ones, it seemed. She found a black parka that she used to love and set that one aside, too. She found a hoodie that was also Jack's. "Never date an apostrophe, they're too possessive." She chuckled at that.

She remembered how she'd acquired that one with a fond smile. It was a team night back at his house. It had been a warm day, so she was wearing a tank top. As the sun set, the temperature lowered more than they thought it would. Janet had found something to wear in her car, but they had just driven to his house from base in Janet's car or Jack's truck.

Janet had searched for something in her car that would fit Sam, but it was almost impossible because of their obvious size difference. So, Jack had presented her with that hoodie. She had worn it that night, and she tried to return it before she left.

"Nonsense, Carter… You are going to freeze to death before you get home. Besides, it looks better on you." He had shrugged it off, and she ended up with a new comfort hoodie. She shivered when she also remembered how he had hugged her that night as they exchanged half-drunken goodbyes.

Jack's eyes had found hers as he grinned. "You know, someone said that I'm an apostrophe." He announced out of the blue. "Dateable… But an apostrophe none the less."

"An asshole, Jack… Someone said you're an asshole." Daniel grinned.

"Yeah, someone said that too."

Sam had shivered. It was just a few days after she'd got trapped behind that stupid wall and he wouldn't leave her. So, she knew there was a warning there. She just knew he was telling her that he was possessive.

She took a deep breath to bring herself out of that memory. Truth was, she had dated and gotten engage to a possessive man before. Jack was nothing like him. Jack was a gentleman through and through. Although he liked to pretend that he was an ass.

The next box she found was heavier. It was a collection of her books. She took some aside, those that had belonged to her mom and her dad from before, and left the rest in the box. Someone would find a better use for those than she.

Her drink was almost finished, and there were still plenty of boxes. "One more and then to sleep." She said to no one and picked one up. It had a fragile sign. She hoped whatever it was inside was still in one piece.

She took a deep breath as she found it was the contents of her mantle. A vase from her mom, one that had been in her family for generations, and somehow it was still intact. She placed it on the coffee table, deciding she would find a place for it come morning. Then she took the first picture frame.

A picture of her parents' wedding. She set it down and grabbed the next one. It was a picture of Mark and his family. She gulped when she picked up the next one. It was a picture of SG-1. She took a couple more out before she dropped them back in the box and took the box to her room.

Pictures of her past. Did she need them at all? Did she need to remember what was so lost? What was so different from her current life?

She opened her closet and lowered the box to the floor. As she came up, she found another box. One that she had clutched tightly to for eleven years. Her lifeline. Truth was, that her past was what gave her this future. The memories in that tiny box were a reminder of the memories that had been hidden in bigger boxes, like the one she'd just opened.

Grabbing the smaller box, she closed the closet and walked to her bed. She took the contents of the box and observed them.

A blue pebble that Teal'c had mentioned reminded him of her eyes. It reminded her of his kind ways.

A scribbled piece of paper with Daniel's handwriting that was a nerd joke, like many they used to share.

A drawing of a stick figure that looked nothing like herself but reminded her of her only Goddaughter. The scribbling of Cassie's name on Janet's penmanship also reminding her of her best friend.

Her mom's watch, with her dad's dedication engraved forever on the back. That had reminded her of her family.

Finally, her eyes landed on the abused pen. One that she had placed on the B-3 lab back in the day. Jack had used it to keep his hands busy.

She searched for her ring. It was still attached to the chain that now also held her dog tags and pressed it tightly to her heart. These small pieces of her past, added with the memories she held of those happy years, were what brought her here. They were what had kept her going.

"I think I've finally found something that I'm proud of." She said. With a smile, she placed everything back into the small box. She would get to those in the morning. She would finally have something to display in her office.

Maybe Samantha Carter wasn't as lost as she thought she was. Maybe, just maybe, she was just hiding in plain sight. Hoping that for once someone else would come to save her.

**Saturday, October 20, 2012**

Jack wasn't sure how he had allowed her to go out of his house. He had struggled with himself not to follow her home. Not wanting to figure out what or who was behind the message that had illuminated her screen.

"Lucky bastard," he muttered to the lucky man. Who had fathered a daughter with his wife when he himself couldn't.

He poured himself another glass. Enjoying the rich flavor of the whiskey she had given him for his birthday. It was his favorite. One, he had stopped drinking, if only because it reminded him of her, and the way she scrunched her nose up, those first times she'd tested it until she learned how to like it.

Lowering himself on the recently abused couch. He raised his legs to the coffee table and shook his head. Fuck, that had been amazing! A great way to start his sixties. At the same time, it was worrying. What good could come out of a quick albeit amazing romp with his wife? When they were barely speaking two words outside the base?

Maybe he needed to get his head out of his butt and confront her. He snorted before he took a sip of his drink. He'd tried confronting her before, and that had ended up with him finding her on the phone. A huge smile plastered on her face as his heart crashed while learning she had a daughter.

"Huge smile? Was she even smiling then?" He mumbled. He couldn't remember, what he could remember was the bitter taste of jealousy. When he noticed that someone had gotten all he had lost. That, someone, had a child with her and was now giving her a life in a house he used to call home.

Rubbing his face tiredly. Wondering if things would go so wrong for them once again. If they would end up having some sort of a dirty affair in the dark. To quench that thirst for each other, that only seemed to escalate whenever they touched.

He knew without a doubt, the next time he saw her, he would feel the need to push her up against a wall, and have his way until she screamed his name in the midst of passion. He wouldn't. He was going to fight his needs. He would fight the dependency he had of her moans, pants, and groans. He wouldn't let what they have become something dirty.

No, they had fought too hard with themselves for years. If she wanted this. If she wanted him… She'd better clear the way. He wouldn't destroy the happiness of someone else. Just because he was an ass who couldn't control his dick when it came to her. "Nope, no, siree." He said, downing the new glass in a swift motion.

With his mind set, he walked to his room. He would fly to Minneapolis in the morning. Drive the few hours separating him from this cabin with a rental. All his desire for driving alone to Minnesota was gone. He didn't need the space to be alone anymore. Truly, he only needed her, again.

Truly, he wanted her forever.


	73. Chapter 73

**Sunday, October 28, 2012**

The sharp, annoying sound of her phone ringing woke her up. She patted her side until she found the annoying vibrating thing. Bringing it to her. She slid her finger across the screen to unlock it. Swore at the stupid smartphone before it finally decided to cooperate with her and answer the call.

"Carter," She barked tiredly.

_"Ma'am. It's Simmonds from the SGC."_

"Yes?" She said. Rolling her eyes and sitting up in the bed. She checked the bedside clock she kept for some reason. It was four am. She had gone to bed just an hour earlier. As she'd worked with Jordan to solve some situations for their businesses. That she wouldn't be able to solve any other day.

_"Colonel Fraiser okayed the access, ma'am. She said you're needed to get here, ASAP."_

"Can you get me to Fraiser?"

_"Yes, ma'am. Just a moment."_

_"Fraiser."_

"Janet. It's Sam."

_"Ma'am,"_ Janet said. In that teasing tone that was now part of their chats. They were finding their footing around each other and it seemed easier to banter as they used too. _"You need to come ASAP."_

"I know, I will. Can you do me a favor, Janet?"

_"Ask and I'll see."_

"Can you figure out a visitor pass for Parker? I can't exactly call her sitter at four am on a Sunday morning."

_"You haven't gotten one for her, yet?"_ Janet asked, surprised.

"It wasn't necessary before." Sam shrugged. "I don't want her near the base if I can help it."

_"Yeah, I get that. I'll see to it. Just… Hurry up."_

"Will do."

She hung up the call and hurried out of bed. Deciding she could get a shower on base. If whatever the emergency was wasn't so bad. So she simply dressed quickly. Then, she walked to Parker's room and readied some clothes in a backpack. With that done. She grabbed a spare pillow and a blanket. Then she went to start the SUV, dropped the bag, and her things. Turning the heater on full blast.

Finally, she walked inside. Thanking the lord that she had kept herself trained as she carried the sleeping Parker to the SUV. For a second, Sam thought Parker would wake up, but she didn't. It wasn't so surprising though. Considering she had been moved so much during her childhood, that being moved didn't even bother her.

Making sure she was strapped in the seat. She made Parker as comfortable as she could. Then finally, she headed towards the mountain. Janet was waiting for her at the top entrance. A visitor's badge hanging from her hands.

"Can you help me with something?" Sam asked. Janet followed her to the SUV. Sam shouldered the backpack and gave Janet the blanket that covered Parker. "Can you grab the pillow and the bear when I get her?"

"Sure? Wouldn't be easier to wake her up?"

"She won't." Sam shrugged. As she said, Parker didn't even flinch as she picked her up. Janet grabbed the pillow and closed the door as they walked to the entrance.

Noticing the situation, and knowing who Sam was, they made it through both checkpoints in no time. They stopped on level twenty-five to drop Parker off at Sam's quarters.

"The key is in my wallet. Back pocket, can you grab it?" Janet nodded. Soon the door was opened, and Parker was laid on the bed. She took the pillow from Janet and placed it under P's head, replacing the harsher pillow from the base. Then she covered her daughter with the blanket. Finally, grabbing the bear and placing it under P's arm.

"Isn't she a bit old for a teddy?" Janet asked. Sam shrugged as they walked out of the room.

"Isn't she a bit young to have been subjected to nineteen names changes?" Sam countered. "Besides me, that teddy is the only thing she's had since the beginning of her life. Everything else… Was constantly changing." Janet gulped.

"I can't imagine what you guys went through," Janet said honestly. Sam shrugged again.

"Then don't. There's no point. It's in the past."

"Won't she get scared of waking up in a place she doesn't know?" Janet asked. As they walked to the elevators.

"No. Too many times waking up in different places." Sam sighed. "I'll rather not have to speak about it, if I don't have to, Janet."

"I understand. You should, with someone at some point. You shouldn't keep the burden just to yourself."

"I will." Janet raised her eyebrow. "With someone at some point," Sam added. "So, what's the issue that needs my attention?" She asked as they finally entered the twenty-seventh floor.

"You'll see," Janet said cryptically. Walking towards the briefing room. Sam took a deep breath. She wasn't sure she was ready for whatever issue had come to their gate now. Squaring her shoulders, she followed Janet.

"So, where the hell is Landry? Or Jack?" a voice she knew, said.

"Jack was needed in DC. Landry is gone. He retired." Daniel's voice said. Sam hurried down the hall.

"Gone? Who's the lucky replacement that you're breaking in?"

Sam gulped and blinked several times. Even with his hair almost all gone and his back towards her, Sam would recognize him anywhere. The man that stood looking out towards the gate, while standing next to Daniel. The leather-clad body was a warm reminder of foreign times, old and welcomed at the same time.

"We didn't need to break anyone in," Daniel said. "The General knew all about this project and understands the gate, way better than I do."

"I'll need to see that to believe it," Jacob chuckled. Janet cleared her throat.

"Hm, the General is here," Janet announced. They turned towards the newly arrived people. Jacob's eyes widened, looking from Janet to Daniel, then back to the woman in front of him. It couldn't be her, could it?

After all this time? After accepting she was gone? Could that be his Sammie?

"Dad." She said. "It's good to see I can still manage to leave you speechless."

"Sammie? It's that you?"

"Well, that'd be General Carter for anyone else, but yes, it's me."

"How is this possible?"

"I guess a lot happened since the last time you visited, Jacob," Daniel said.

"I've cleared him. He can leave base if you agree to it." Janet added. "I'm not sure you'll want to leave. When you went through so much trouble to get here… We'll leave you to talk. You know where to find me if you need me."

"Thanks, Janet. Daniel." She said as they left the room. She turned to face her dad. "It's up to you, dad. I for once won't mind getting back to sleep for a couple more hours before we can talk. I had a very long day." She said.

Jacob noticed the dark spots under her eyes. He also noticed the worry lines and the bitter-ish tone. He found that her body was more toned. She looked all around as terrifying as a General in charge of such a complex base should. But below it all, he still saw his little girl.

"Is it a long drive to your house?"

"Nope. It's close." She held a yawn and rubbed her face. "I've been told that the guest room's bed is to die for."

"Then let's go." He said pressing eleven. Sam shook her head and pressed twenty-five. Jacob frowned.

"Dad, there's something you need to know," Sam said. As she walked out of the elevator and towards her quarters. She fished the keys out of her pocket and opened the door. "That's Parker Carter."

Jacob's eyes widened and went from Sam to P's sleeping figure. "I'll need you to take some of her stuff, so we can go."

She quickly passed him the things she had brought along with the keys of her SUV. Then she picked up her daughter. "Do you want me to get her?" Jacob asked.

"No. I'm good. Let's go."

It seemed that widening his eyes and blink speechlessly was what his day was all about. Not even half an hour after figuring his daughter was alive, he found out he had a granddaughter he knew nothing about. Now, he was about to enter a house he knew all too well.

It was Jack's house.

The same one he had pounded at the door. Wanting answers about the kind of relationships Jack and she had had before she disappeared. The same one in which he had sat waiting for a jammer device to work, to learn that she wasn't reassigned but placed under witness protection. The same one where he had said to Jack that he should move on. Just like he had.

He stood unmoving by the SUV. By then, Sam had already walked to the front door and opened it. Before coming back to pick up her daughter and disappearing inside again.

"Dad? Are you planning on coming or not?" She asked, not even trying to hide her yawn.

"Yes. Of course."

"Ah. I have no clothes that will work for you anymore." She apologized as she walked them towards the guests' room.

"I have a spare."

"Good, maybe we can go shopping later. When I've gotten at least four hours of shuteye."

"Four?"

"I only had one," she shrugged.

"Are you overworking yourself?"

"I don't know how not to anymore," she gave him a self-deprecating smile. "But we can talk about that later… Or not at all. Good night, dad." She said turning around.

"Sam." He called, and she stopped. "I'm glad you're alive."

"I'm glad you are alive too, dad." She said. Then shook her head, thinking she wasn't sure she was glad that she was alive. Right now, she was too tired to dwell on that.

Parker was the first to wake up hours later. She had padded around the house and found it empty. Her mom's personal trainer wasn't downstairs. Neither was her mom. Frowning, she walked to the master bedroom, and surprisingly she found her there, asleep.

Grinning, Parker took her chance for a little cuddling. So, that was how at around nine am Sam had woken up with Parker beside her. She stretched in bed. Placing her cold hands on Parker's warm belly. Parker giggled.

"Good morning, P. Whatcha doing in here?" she asked, with one eye opened.

"You didn't wake up when I was up. Fred didn't come?"

"No. I had to cancel him earlier this morning."

"Oh," Parker said. Then she frowned as she thought she heard some noises coming from the kitchen.

"P... There's something you need to know." Sam said seriously.

"What?"

"Your grandpa is here."

"My grandpa?"

"Yes." Parker blinked several times. "Go get a shower and get dressed. I'll do the same. Then we can go out there and I'll introduce you to him. How does that sound?"

"Scary… But okay."

As Parker hurried off to her room. Sam wondered, not for the first time, how hadn't she managed to screw Parker up beyond repair.

It was awkward at first, just like meeting someone new always is. Parker's nature and life experiences helped her bond with the man her mom had introduced to her as her Grandpa Jacob. They had gone shopping for clothes for him. Ended up getting a lot of things, they didn't really need but was nice.

They had lunch at the mall. Then, out of the spur of the moment, Jacob said, 'why not a movie?'. So, the Carters had lined up and watched the only family movie available. After that, they went for sushi.

"Sushi? Not pizza? Not burgers? You want sushi?" Jacob shook his head as Parker nodded eagerly. Sam simply shrugged, knowing that would be the case.

"We had pizza on Friday," Sam explained. "So, dad… How long are you here for?"

"A couple of weeks. I was thinking about visiting your brother. Wanna come?" Sam grimaced.

"I've already been there. Besides, Parker has school and I can't just abandon the base."

"Would you mind if I stay with you for a few days? I'd really like to catch up. Get to really know my granddaughter and maybe even her father?"

Sam gulped. The mood inside the car quickly changed.

"I don't mind if you stay. P has a sitter. Jessica picks her up from school and stays with her until I arrive. Unless you both feel comfortable enough to send Jessica home after she drops you off?" she said, looking at Parker.

Jacob understood that whoever the father was, it wasn't a topic that would be openly discussed at this point. Maybe even never.

"We'll see," Parker said grimly. "Maybe Grandpa Jacob gets tired of me and leaves."

"Never. Well, I'll never get tired of you, Parker. I'm bound to leave. I can't stay permanently. It's a military thing."

"Yeah. I know." Parker said, but that didn't make it easier on the old man. The mood changed, once Sam parked in front of Parker's favorite restaurant. It wasn't enough not to keep Jacob wondering what the hell had happened to these two during the time they were gone.

"Mom?" Parker said once the waiter left them alone.

"Yes, P?" Sam smiled. Taking a sip of the warm green tea that was left for them.

"If Grandpa Jacob is around… You think I could go trick or treating this Halloween?"

"We'll see, P."

"I can take her." Jacob offered. Sam gave him a tight smile.

Sam used to love Halloween while growing up. With both of them on the run. It was impossible for her to agree to take Parker outside. Not even when they would be both under disguises.

"Really, Sam. Nothing will happen. I can take her."

"Please, mommy!? It'd be my first Halloween…."

"First?" Jacob frowned, and Parker nodded.

"If that's what you want…" Sam offered. Parker nodded eagerly. Sam gulped. Feeling a failure when she understood her daughter didn't want to experience her first chance at Halloween with her.

"I need to wash my hands." P said and slid off the booth. Jacob looked at Sam.

"We couldn't go out before. It was too risky," Sam explained. Jacob felt his heart break for them both. "The neighborhood is nice. I'm sure she'll enjoy it immensely."

"I'm sure she would love it if you would join us." Jacob pointed.

"Sometimes, three's a crowd, dad. It's okay. I won't know if I'll be home on time until that day. So, at least, she has you to take her. I was afraid she would have to go with Jessica."

"Sam, really... What the heck happened?"

"Too much, dad. Too damn much."

"And her father?" Jacob asked. Unable to stop himself from doing it. There was a flash of pain in her eyes. One that she was quick to cover.

"He doesn't want anything to do with her. So, it doesn't matter who he is. It's better if she doesn't know who rejected her either."

"What about…" He trailed off, and she frowned.

"About what?"

"Jack?"

"The President wanted him at a meeting. He should return on Tuesday."

"To you?" Jacob asked. With a knowing look, that because of her expression, quickly became a frown.

"No, dad. Not to me. He's a friend… I guess that's what we'll always end up being."

"But… You love him." Sam chuckled.

"You know what's the only lesson that's constantly repeated in my life?" she asked.

"What?"

"Love hurts, dad. Love hurts too fucking much."


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go Jacob!  
> #JackCanBeCuteEvenIfHesClueless?

**Wednesday, October 31, 2012**

It surprised Jack when there was a knock on his door. He didn't have any meetings scheduled. He had cleared the whole damned week. After they had gotten him stuck in DC for far more days than originally planned. He was certain he would still be stuck there for another day, but his luck had finally appeared. They granted him the mercy to return to his pathetic life in Colorado.

Pathetic, that was the word to describe his life nowadays. Pinning for the same woman since 97. Having married her. Waited for her for eleven years and some months, only to find out that as Daniel had told him, she had moved on. Oh, there was that one night they stole from their mission. Then there was that one night of passion that she had gifted him for his birthday. He hadn't been able to get the latter out of his mind since it happened. Not like thousands of hours invested in watching the screen time of themselves, was something he had forgotten all about.

Jack shook his head. Flabbergasted, when he noticed the head that peered inside his office.

"Dad?" Jack had said and frowned. "Come in! When did you get here?" he asked, as Jacob Carter entered his office.

"In the wee hours of Sunday." He said. Dropping himself unceremoniously in the chair in front of him. "How are you, Jack?"

Jack shrugged. Could he tell his father-in-law the truth? That now that she was so close, it all was so much more heartbreaking than when she was gone? That he missed her even more, now that he had a chance to sit in front of her every day for lunch? That he fought with himself not to touch her. Even if all he wanted was to have her plastered against him and never let go? That he couldn't take his mind out of the gutter when it came to her? And yet, he wanted nothing more than to get her eyes to shine with that innocence they once held? That he wanted to cuddle up to her and hug her. So she would crawl into him and heal him like the balm she was for his soul?

"I'm okay," he had said. "What about you? We haven't heard from you in a while."

"Yeah, things have been busy out there. It appears that there are millions of planets, too many, that have no idea what to do without the Reign of the Goa'uld. We have been helping them figure it out."

"Sounds just like the Tok'ra alley. You know, just like they did with us? Helping us figure things out whenever we needed some help with." Jack pointed.

"I feel some resentment in those words… Not sure why," Jacob chuckled to lighten the mood. Jack shook his head, at the awful sense of humor Jacob had developed over the years.

"So…" Jake had said after a while of sitting in silence. "Sam's alive."

"Yup."

"She's a General," Jacob stated. Trying to see if he could manage to pry something out of Jack.

In his mind, Selmak snorted. They had tried all sorts of tactics to get information out of Jack during Sam's missing years. To figure out what had happened during that week. Or if anything else had happened in between. Yet, the only thing they had managed to learn was just how close to his heart Jack kept his cards.

"It seems so," Jack shrugged.

"You never moved on." Jacob pointed then. "Not even when I told you to do it."

"I haven't."

"Yet… Surprisingly, you two aren't together."

"We aren't." Jack agreed grimly.

"Why?" Jacob asked after a while of examining Jack's face. The deep sadness had been there since the moment he had mentioned Sam.

"She has everything she could possibly want, Jacob. What am I in the grand scheme of things?" He shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Jacob frowned.

'She has a daughter, a house to call home, a good job, a nice career, and someone who called and was able to make her smile. Someone who texted her and made her go back home. No matter how thoroughly fucked and amazingly spent she was. Or at least, I thought she was. She has a father to her child,' He thought. The last one hitting him harder than he thought possible. Then he took a deep breath before answering him.

"I shouldn't be the one telling you this, Jacob. You should talk to her, not me." Jack shrugged. Making Jacob frown.

"I have. Not that she shared much, but I've been doing nothing more than speaking with her since I've arrived. Well, when I wasn't sleeping, or Parker wasn't talking my ear off. Even Selmak has issues following that girl's ramblings from time to time," Jacob chuckled.

"Parker," Jack said in a heartbreaking tone. "She has a Parker."

"So?"

"I can't get between her little family, Jake. I thought you would agree on that!"

"Jack… I swear to God! I have no idea what the heck you are talking about." Jack sighed.

"She has a daughter, Jake. Kids aren't made from spontaneous combustion. It takes two. Knowing your daughter, she wouldn't just go and have a kid with some perfect stranger. Just to fill whatever void she was feeling. Would she? So, I won't come up between her and Mr. I-can-still-make-you-smile-like-that-on-the-phone." Jack chuckled dryly. Jacob frown only deepened.

"There's artificial insemination," Jacob shrugged. "Besides, as far as I know, if the calls aren't from the SGC. The only ones on her phone are Parker or Jordan. That guy makes her laugh, but he is a big oaf. I barely know him, but he makes me laugh. That should tell you exactly how much of a dork he is. He cares for her it seems, but their conversations are business-related."

"Jordan?"

"Jordan Craig, her business partner." Jake states.

Jack knew Jordan, he had talked with him several times during her missing years. Heck! He had asked him to tell her he hadn't moved on. Then he had talked some more once they were paraded around for the trials. Jack had cracked up at some of the silly things Mr. Craig came up with. He had made Jack jealous too because he simply knew Jordan had seen Sam. That he had a chance to text or talk to her during the years she was missing from his side. It annoyed Jack that Jordan wouldn't tell him a thing about what he knew.

"Business-related?" He manages to bring himself to ask. Trying not to sound too curious about her love life.

"Yeah," Jacob answered. Although he had overheard a video call. Where Jordan had asked Sam if she had finally figured her love life out and gotten her head out of her ass. To get that piece of hunk that was waiting for her. Jacob fails to mention that. He really doesn't know who the piece of a hunk is, anyway. "She seems to have quite some businesses running out there," Jacob shrugged. As if it was the most common thing to say.

"Yeah," Jack answered. As if he wouldn't have died inside to try to learn some more about what it seemed wasn't happening behind her closed doors.

"She has a personal trainer…" Jacob said out of the blue.

"Well, she was always the best-organized person I've ever met. So, I guess she finds time to squeeze the trainer somewhere in her schedule." Jack dismisses simply.

"I'm worried about her, Jack," Jacob confessed with a huff. "She doesn't sleep nearly enough. She's up at four am. Trains until her body gives up. When I thought she'd just remain on the floor. She stands up and kicks the shit out of her trainer as they spar."

"She definitively isn't training with Teal'c," Jack tries to joke.

"No. There's angriness and so much more in her now, when she fights him. I doubt Teal'c or even myself could keep up with her now. Anyhow, that all happens before she gets ready to start her day. She makes breakfast for all of us. Then she drops Parker at school and comes here. When she gets home, it doesn't matter what time it is, she takes care of Parker first. Be that, make dinner, or just read a book with her. If it's early, they sit in her office and they do their work together."

Jacob looks at Jack. Jack can see the worry on the older man's features.

"It's something to watch. They both have this ability to focus. Anyhow, once Parker is out for the night. She works. She works until it's late in the morning. So, I'm not sure what you think is going on in her home, but I'm not sure she has, what you think she has, Jack."

"Maybe you weren't there long enough." Jack points out.

"It's been four days, Jack. I'm pretty sure I'd figure out if there was someone else living in that house by now. Truth is, all I see is that she's hiding in work. Over exhausting herself to sleep. I have no clue how to help her. Even Selmak is stumped on this one."

Jack gulped. That was not what he thought was going on.

He thought the tiredness he'd spotted had to do with being unused to the military life. Or maybe even that her daughter was a handful. The truth was, he hadn't wanted to dwell too much on why she seemed to need to cover the black rings under her eyes. Or why she was so curt with everyone. Or why the dimmed version of the twinkle in her eyes took so much coercing to come through.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Jake." Jack huffed.

"I don't know if there's anything you could do, Jack. At least not to fix what neither of you talks about. But I came here to ask you for a favor."

"For you or the Tok'ra?" Jack said through gritted teeth.

"For me, for her… For Parker, whichever you'd be more comfortable with…" Jacob waved dismissively. Jack nodded for him to go on. "I was going to ask Janet, but since you're the highest-ranking officer and you are here… Can you take over the SGC for a couple of hours?"

"And step over the boundaries of her command?"

"Yes. It's not what you're thinking… It's Halloween." He said.

"So?"

"Parker wanted to go trick and treating. It'd be the first time she'll get to go." Jacob grimaced. "I trust that what I'm about to tell you won't leave this room."

"Sure…"

"Sam confessed she wanted to take Parker on her first real Halloween. She said she only agreed with me taking her because she knows I can protect her, and she knows the neighborhood is good." Jack frowned. "I know… I don't know why she would've waited for so long, but I have no idea what they went through, Jack. She won't talk to me about it. So, will you take over, so I can drag her out off the base?"

"I'll talk to her, Jacob. I want to make sure she doesn't feel I'm overstepping. Especially now that I just returned from DC."

"You do that. I'll be at Daniel's lab. He mentioned they found some ancient rocks. Selmak is dying to know more."

"Jacob…" he says, stopping the old man before he leaves. "What's she dressing up as?" Jacob smiles.

"Her hero." Jack frowns in confusion. "She told Sam she wanted me to help her get her costume. Sam said something about a princess or some other."

"So? Who would that be?" Jack asked. Curious now because of the pride shining through the old man.

"She had me get USAF blues. She's going as her mom… Her hero. The only one she's known since she's been born." Jacob smiled sadly.

Jack waited until the door was closed behind Jacob to rub his face tiredly. His heart breaking a little, after knowing that her daughter was made of that same soft and naïve material Sam was made of, at some point. Then, a little more, when he figured that, at some point, the child would break just like everyone else. He shook his head to get himself out of those thoughts filled with dread, for the future of a kid he didn't even know.

But she was Sam's. So, he thought, no matter who the father was. The girl was part of her. A great deal like her, according to the little he'd learned. A mini Sam. He smiled and rubbed his heart that was aching again at the thought that this mini Sam could've been his. If only he hadn't he dropped her at that stupid place all those years ago. If he had pushed her to return to the SGC, after that mission, and screw the JCS.

"Sam…" he muttered.

Was it true? That she didn't have anyone else but her daughter waiting for her? That she hadn't anyone else warming her bed after all? Well, anyone else since Parker's father…. He growled. He's so tired of his brain. He was so tired of the relentless way that his mind kicks him repeatedly for having let her go. How that self-deprecation he always wore too close to his heart was eating him up even more since he'd learned about Parker.

Parker… He doesn't even know how old the girl was, or what's her last name. All he knows is that Sam didn't mention her when they saw each other. He knows Sam would've found a way to let him know if they'd had a daughter. Sam knew he always had a soft spot for kids.

Which brings him back to the issue at hand. Jack can't imagine growing up wanting to go out for Halloween and knowing you couldn't. So, he stands up and walks to the elevator. He goes through the SGC security, and low to the twenty-seventh floor. Taking a deep breath, he knocks.

"Come in," her steady voice beckons him. It's like a siren's song to his needy ears. She stiffens for a second once he peers his head in. He gives her a half-smile, and she drawls a breath. Instead of looking at her. His eyes betray him as he finds that the shelves behind her are finally occupied. She smiles self-consciously when she follows his gaze. "Not the most common display for a General, I guess. But those are things I feel proud of," she shrugged.

"Well, I can't say I've seen someone showcasing a pebble before. But to each their own," He shrugs.

"You have no idea, right?" She eyes him. He sees there's something mysterious in her eyes. Along with some level of scorn and the ever-present mix of sadness and guilt.

She shakes her head. He doesn't need to know how she came up with those things she's displaying. He didn't need them to learn to cope with a world of total solitude. A world so empty, that you couldn't even keep your own name. For him it looks silly, most likely, to have a pebble, two framed pieces of paper, a watch, and an everyday pen neatly placed on display. For her, it means life.

"I take you aren't here for my décor…"

"No. I'm here to ask you why you're here." He shrugs and she frowns.

"Should I be somewhere else?"

"Yes!" She gulps. He sees the pain in her eyes before she shields it. "It's Halloween. Don't you have a kid to take out?"

She looks at him. For a second, she thinks of how it would've been to walk behind Parker, while he walked beside her. His hand placed loosely over her hips and hers on his. Without a care in the world beyond that perfect family moment. One they wouldn't ever have.

"I do."

"Then go, I'll take care of this silly base for you. I'll make sure not to break it." She looks at him for a while. She knows he won't break the base. Heck, she knows the only thing he ever broke, related to her, was his own heart. She can't blame him for the cracks on hers.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Carter. I can make it an order. But you aren't on my line of command anymore, remember?"

"Sir… I…"

"I'm trying not to overstep here, Carter. I'm just offering this, you know… From a father who had a chance to take his kid to trick or treating, to a mother stuck twenty-seven levels underground."

By the way he says it, she knows he's speaking of Charlie, not Parker. Her heartache doubles. Was losing Charlie part of the reason he doesn't acknowledge Parker as his at all? Her heart breaks for him. She now understands his pain a lot better. She can't imagine what it would feel like if one day Parker was gone. She nods, unable to form a word. She knows that anything she could say now would sound pathetically weak. He adds a self-deprecating smile that goes perfectly with the one she's already showing.

Broken people, that's what they are. They're just too stubborn to acknowledge that to the other. No matter how much the other has already figured it out. She walks past him and stops.

"Thank you, Jack." She says. Placing a barely-there kiss on his cheek. It's hardly inappropriate, but leaves him breathless, nonetheless. Makes him feel a bit more human, a bit more whole. Maybe, if Jacob's right… He should make his move. He should claim what she vowed was his.

He walked out of her office. Giving one last look at the shelves. He shook his head. For some reason, he could've sworn he knew that showcased plain pen.


	75. Chapter 75

**Friday, November 16, 2012.**

All those days later, and Jack's still stuck with the mixed thoughts about one Samantha Carter. Jacob might be right. The calls that seem to make her smile happen close enough to school ending to be from Parker. He tried to remember if that was the situation the first time he saw it happening, but he couldn't remember.

All he could remember was how she kept glancing at the watch and at her phone. As if waiting for the call to happen. So, it might have been worry about Parker.

Since Jacob had left for San Diego the following day and back to the Tok'ra a few days later. Jack had wanted to ask Janet what she knew.

Yes, things were different now. Sam was the senior officer. However, as the SGC CMO almost from the start, Janet had seen, faced, and survived more COs than Jack himself. Heck, Janet had survived him too. So, it wasn't really all that surprising that the petite Colonel had found a way to get to a half-decent friendly state with Sam. Vala helped too.

He had seen the trio sharing coffee several times. He also knew, thanks to the rumor mill, that those moments made the whole crew a little more open to their General. Which was most likely why Sam had agreed on most of those short meetings.

Daniel was still having issues with getting back to the friendship he and Sam once had. He couldn't blame him, probably she didn't either. He had the experience of mourning Daniel and having to take him back only a year later. It had cost him way more than he was willing to admit. It was easier too, mostly because the space monkey couldn't remember a damned thing.

Now, their thing… Their thing needed more than just a warming up of an old friendship. Their thing was two bonfires that needed to be tamed and made whole again. That wouldn't happen if they couldn't face each other.

He kept his ears open after his talk with Jake. He didn't care if they never were good at talking. The only thing he really needed was the confirmation that she was single. Well, not with someone else… Since single, he knew she wasn't. Maybe even the confirmation that she didn't want to settle for a divorce. That she somehow wanted to still be his and have him as hers.

"God, Sean is right! You're an old romantic fool!" He mumbled, remembering his younger brother's jokes. He got a call then. She was on her way out. So, he rushed to the top level and waited for her by his truck.

Sam walked out of the mountain and towards her SUV. She truly didn't expect to find him there. Yes, she thought it was funny, how after all they had gone through, she still had a parking spot right next to him. It was some sort of destiny's joke, really, that the HWS CO parking spot was right next to the SGC CO parking spot.

She shook her head. She hadn't bothered to try to change it if only to avoid more rumors spreading over something as silly as a parking spot. But now, seeing him watch her intently while leaning against his truck. She thought that was a bad move on her part.

Truth was, he still took her breath away. So, she had to concentrate on walking so she wouldn't end up falling face-first to the floor. Making a huge fool of herself. She gulped when she noticed the way he was looking at her. As if he was undressing her with every step, she took closer to him.

"We need to talk." He husked.

She figured that his mind was as much in the gutter as hers. She nodded. He got into his truck and drove away. She followed him. On her way, she called home to let Parker know she would be late.

They parked side by side in his driveway. He opened the door for her. His house was cool, and she smiled. It brought back fond memories of standing in his cabin bedroom trembling under the cool Minnesota air.

"Let me turn the heater on. It's fairly quick." He said. Getting rid of his jacket and prompting her to do the same.

"Thanks." She eyed his floor and turned towards him. She had once taken all the things for granted, but now she knew better. "Should I take my shoes off? Or don't you mind?" she asked. He shook his head.

"It's just a floor, Sam. If you want the shoes off, the floor is heated." She stopped all movement. He called her Sam. "What?"

"Nothing." She said and got rid of her shoes. He frowned. Dark socks. The last time he saw her in socks at his house, they were bright and colorful. Just like she was. Now, the dark tones of her socks, followed by dark tights, a dark skirt that flung from a trim waist, and a black shirt that hugged her tightly. The whole ensemble combined perfectly with the heaviness in her eyes.

"You wanted to talk?" Sam ventured out. Jack nodded. She set a tentative foot on his floor. Moaning from the warmth that bathed her foot. Jack froze, his brain short-circuited. He took a step closer and then another until he had her backed up against his door. She smiled.

"One day I'll know what is with you and doors or walls," her eyes glinted mischievously, and her hand found his head. Without much of a thought, she lowered it. Kissing him hungrily. He groaned against her, pressing her tightly between his body and his door.

Her leg came up, snaking itself against his hip. Bringing him closer, feeling him grow. She undulated her hips as he pushed her blouse up and out of the way. Kissing glorious soft skin. Her head made a loud thump against the door. She moved it back, pressing her chest closer to his caressing mouth. Her hand making its way to free herself from the restriction of her bra.

As his mouth wandered towards her throat, her hands found the way towards his pants. Fighting with his belt, then his fly and the stupid, stupid button of his pant. She left out a frustrated whimper. His hand replaced hers on the task.

Her skirt was bunched up then. Her black woolen tights were lowered next, taking the scrap of fabric that she called underwear with it. Each new piece of skin that appeared was thoroughly lavished. Until Jack was on his knees in front of her. He looked up. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was just waiting for him… For whatever he wanted to do with her.

Was it really a surprise that the trust was still alive between them?

He kissed her heat and explored her as he hadn't done in years. One hand found a powerful thigh and pulled it up over his shoulder. He kept going, teasing and taunting moans and shivers out of her. Until she had exploded under his touch.

She lowered her leg on the floor. He noticed it trembling as they gave out under her weight. She slid against his door. Eyes searching his. She smiled.

"I'm not that young anymore, how about a bed?" she said.

"I'm not sure I can stand." He added.

"Hmm… What a predicament." She grinned. Sucking her lower lip, she pushed him backward until he was laying down on his warm floor. "I guess we can make the most of the heated floors."

She straddled him. Sam knew he loved it when she was on top. Letting him see how she rocked into oblivion, bringing him along for the ride. He didn't need much to come. He had spent too long without the kind of release, only sex could provide. Too long teasing himself with memories of her doing exactly this.

Her hips trembled, her body flushed red, and she bit her lip as she threw her head back and clenched him tightly. He spilled before he could think about his release. It was too much, and it wasn't enough. She collapsed on top of him. His hands found her back, caressing her slowly as she cried.

Why she was crying? He had no clue, but he knew she was. The place where her cheek was hiding on his chest was soaking wet. It hadn't had anything to do with their previous activities, right? He wanted to cry, too. He was too confused by this.

When he said they needed to talk. He actually meant talking, not fucking. But heck, they were always bad at talking. He also knew they were so damn good at the fucking. So, the outcome wasn't as surprising. She peeled herself off of him after a while. Moving away with her back towards him. She picked up her discarded clothes and got rid of the skirt that was still scrunched up around her waist.

She disappeared inside the bathroom. When she reappeared, she was almost dressed. The skirt was in her hands, but she looked exactly like the cold Sam he'd met just after her arrival.

"Do you have an iron? I can't go home with this looking as it is." He nodded and walked her to where he kept those things. It was strangely odd, the domesticity of watching her ironing her skirt. When he knew it was mostly because he had ruined during a quick romp. She finished. He watched as one long leg slid inside, followed by the other. Finally, the flowy fabric was sitting in its rightful place once more.

She bit her lower lip. Feeling self-conscious and guilty for allowing this to happen again. It was bad enough the first time around. When she could barely watch him without thinking about how good he had felt under her… Inside her. Things were far more complex than sex for them. They always were.

"Is there someone else in your life?" He asked, out of the blue. He wasn't sure where did the strength to ask that had come from. The question was out there for her to answer.

It felt like a slap for her. "No." she answered a bit bitterly. Angry that he had to ask. Annoyed that he didn't know her enough to know she wouldn't ever betray someone she was with. Her love for him notwithstanding.

He left out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He didn't know what else to say, though. Not when he saw the pain in her eyes and knew he had caused it with his doubt.

"Do you want a divorce?" he asked then. It surprised him when the lone tear fell from her eyes. She didn't answer. She walked past him, not even acknowledging the question. "Sam!" he called.

She stopped and turned to look at him. She was barely holding herself together, but he still had power over her. She still needed him to fix what she couldn't. Not when he held the pieces of her broken heart. She crooked her head expectantly. What if he couldn't help her? What if she was broken beyond repair? Could she keep going like this? Like the half-person, she'd become? She fisted her hands tightly. Knuckles turning white and nails biting into the inner skin of her hands.

"Is this enough for you?" She asked. Her voice cold, devoid of all the emotions that were eating her up inside. She wasn't sure what _this_ was at that point. But maybe he knew.

"This? Having you but not having you at all?" He wondered. She gulped. "I'll take anything you give me, Sam. You know that…" Jack whispered. She nodded and turned around. Only stopping to get her shoes on again. She needed to think.

She drove away, but she didn't go home. She was conflicted. Broken. She needed time to clear her mind again. But time seemed to be the only thing she never had any more. She had fucked Jack. What was she trying to do? Find a way to slowly kill each other until only one of them left? Until one of them could find a way to be free from the other?

Watching him hurt… Not having him hurt… Everything surrounding Jack O'Neill hurt her like hell. Everything surrounding Jack O'Neill was also the cure. She was more human when he was around. She knew he could see that part of her that was hiding inside. The part of her she couldn't reach by herself anymore. She could see that he had figured out her feelings, even when she'd tried to hide them.

Did he have a chance of saving her from who she'd become? She shook her head. He accepted her when she was a soldier. A warrior with no issues as to getting rid of an enemy. No qualms as to dirty her hands with blood. Could he accept her as the plotting mastermind? The smarmy asshole she'd become as she toyed with the lives of hundreds to return to this place and not even live?

Her phone went off then. It was him. She considered for a second not picking up. As she leaned to pick the phone, she failed to see the truck that had run the red light. Her phone went flying out of the cracked window as her SUV rolled, stopping on its side. Everything went black.

**Saturday, November 17, 2012**

Her heard hurt. Her instincts told her that Sam was trying to answer Jack's call. When the truck crashed into her. According to the people who brought her in, the witnesses had said; she wasn't even speeding. Something distracted her and by the time she noticed the truck, it was already too late.

Sam's SUV turned twice on its axis. Luckily for her, it was only a few blocks away from the fire station. So she was pulled out in no time. Her tags were a dead giveaway of who she was. Her unconscious body was halfway to the hospital when someone redirected them towards Cheyenne.

So, Sam was rolled up onto the cargo elevator and straight into level twenty-one. Where Janet and her team took over quickly. A CT pointed to a large concussion, but no other big injuries. By then, swelling and bruising were already in process. Janet just knew Sam would be in pain for several days.

Now, what had really caught Janet's attention, once she knew her friend and boss was out of danger. Was the ring that hung along with her dog tags. Janet was sure she hadn't seen it before. She knew better than to try to pry. If Sam wanted to come clean about it, she would in her own time. Thus, she had warned all the personnel who had seen it that if she heard even an attempt at mentioning it. She would have their asses out of the SGC in no time.

There were other issues, too. The crash had happened around ten pm. They found her phone close by. With a missing call from a number, she knew all too well. Jack's personal number.

With the fact that Sam was out, they needed to bring Jack up to speed. He would be needed to take over command, in case any other emergency happened. It would also make it easier for Janet to try to figure out what had happened here. The guilty expression on Jack's face told her he knew something he wasn't disclosing.

There was a whole other issue to be solved as well. Sam was a single mom. Despite having a Jessica, Parker was for all intents and purposes… Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.. so that happened...   
> #dontkillmeifyouwantthistoend #thereIsAHappyEnding #youKnowAtTheEnd


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go, go power rangers! ...   
> #imNotSorryAboutTheDoubleNegative

**Friday, November 16, 2012.**

The crestfallen expression on the girl told Jessica all she needed to know.

"She's not coming," Parker mumbled.

"She's sorry, Parker."

"Yeah, she always is," Parker said. There was a lack of judgment in her voice that always managed to surprise Jessica.

"Maybe she gets here for reading time. Miss C only said she was going to be late." Jessica offered. Hoping to see some glint of hope in Parker's eyes. There was none.

An hour later, Parker was all tucked in and there still was no sign of her mom.

"Jess? Can we stay up for an hour? It's Friday. I don't have school or games tomorrow. Just another hour, please?" Jessica looked at her, then sighed.

"Okay. One hour, but after that, you need to go to sleep." Parker grinned. Grabbed the book she was reading by herself and buried her nose in it. Jessica shook her head. The kids she knew would've gone for the game console or computer games. Here she was taking care of the only kid she knew that would take a book over 'goofing off'.

An hour later, she knocked on Parker's door. She saw the girl sigh. Her heart broke a little. She knew how it worked. She was the daughter of a military man herself. She knew all about her dad not getting there on time, missing plays, games, and even birthdays.

"Hey, you know what? If you go to sleep now, then when you wake up tomorrow, she'll be here. It'll seem like time has sped up."

"Time doesn't speed up when we sleep," Parker deadpanned. Jessica chuckled, sometimes this little girl knew too much for her own good.

"I know, but it will seem like it… Trust me on this one. You'll go to dreamland and then you'll wake up to your mom being home."

Parker didn't look quite convinced by this, but nodded, nonetheless. Placing her book beside the one she was reading with her mom. She made herself comfortable in bed and turned off the lamp.

"Good night, Jess."

"Sweet dreams, P."

In the dark, Parker sighed. In the dark, she could pretend for a second that it was her mom, closing her door. In the dark, she could pretend the knot in the pit of her stomach wasn't there. That come morning, everything was going to be alright. Even if deep down, she knew something was wrong.

She woke up the following day and padded around the house, searching for her mom. The kitchen was clean and empty. The basement had no sign of her or Fred. She checked the backyard and the roof… The lump in her throat telling her to check everything before checking her room.

When there was no place else to look, she walked to the master bedroom and knocked on the door softly. There was no answer. She opened the door. The room was empty. Padding inside, she noticed the bathroom door ajar, but the lights were off. She tried to convince herself that she would find her mom there. She wasn't surprised when she found it empty.

"Good morning, Parker," Jessica said, rubbing her eyes as they met in the kitchen. "I haven't heard your mom arriving."

"She's not here." Parker frowned and walked to the phone. "Something is wrong, Jess." She said as she waited for her mom to pick up. "She always picks it up by the third ring. She always said that if she didn't, something bad had happened."

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Jessica frowned and walked to the door. "Maybe's Fred." She said. She opened the door to find a redheaded woman on the other side. "You are not Fred."

"You're not Parker," Cassie said, as an answer. "I'm Cassandra Fraiser. Is Parker around?"

"I'm not sure I'm supposed to let you in," Jessica said.

"What happened to my mom?" Parker asked as she walked to the front door.

"Parker." Cassie took a deep breath. She had done the 'I'm sorry your loved one didn't survive' a lot in the last few years. Watching Parker waiting so seriously for an answer was heartbreaking. Jessica nodded her in. Parker walked to the living room and Cassie kneeled in front of her to be at her level.

"Let me start by telling you, she's alive." Parker's eyes widened, and Cassie cringed. "There was an accident yesterday. Your mom was driving home, but a trucker failed to break, and…" Cassie took a deep breath. "Her car rolled over a couple of times. She was taken back to the base for treatment. Since you know me, I was asked to take you there."

"Okay." She nodded.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Parker shook her head no.

"Why don't you get changed and we'll solve the breakfast thing."

"Okay."

"Is it bad?" Jessica asked.

"It doesn't look as bad as it could be. She's unconscious, but she didn't sustain any major injuries. By any chance, you know who should we contact about this? Do you know? Someone who can take care of her?" Cassie asked, turning towards Jessica.

"No. She never left any instructions for that circumstance."

"Jordan. We can call Uncle Jordan." The older women turned towards the girl. "Jordan Craig?" she offered at the confused pair.

"I can call Mr. Craig," Jessica said, grabbing her phone. Parker shook her head.

"He would never pick up like that," she said, disappearing towards her mom's room. Cassie followed her and soon was presented with a cellphone. "Here. It's the only number on this phone."

Cassie took a deep breath. If this was any other person, Cassie would've wondered why there was a phone with only one contact number hidden in her room. But it was Sam, and she had received a phone like that when she was younger.

"Go. Get your breakfast. I'll do this. Okay?" Parker nodded. Cassie found the number and pressed the call button.

_"Grand Empress… Why are you calling me this early?"_ the voice on the other side sounded sleepy and yet a bit amused.

"I... Is this Jordan Craig?"

_"You're not her. What's happened to her?"_ Jordan asked quickly.

"I… Sam had a car accident. She's…"

_"God, please tell me she's alive."_

"She is. But… She's unconscious and we don't know what to do with Parker. We were hoping you knew if she had some fail-safe or whatever…" Cassie stopped as Jordan laughed.

_"Holy... Do you even know this woman? She has fail-safes for her fail-safes. Who is this anyway?"_

"I'm Cassandra Fraiser." There was silence on the other end. "Hello?"

_"And you don't know what to do with P?"_ He seemed surprised.

"No." Jordan sighed. "So… do you know how she would like to proceed in this case?"

_"Look, I had a procedure in case I ever got a call like this. It was from before she got her name back. I'm not sure it still stands."_

"What is it?"

_"Can you repeat your name again? I need to check it's you."_

"Cassandra Fraiser." She heard a faint sound and a mechanic 'voice confirmed, Cassandra Fraiser.'

_"Okay. Well, I'm not sure what you expect me to do. This thing says Parker should go to Johnathan 'Jack' O'Neill, Janet Fraiser, or Daniel Jackson until her demise can be confirmed. Then there's a number in case the worst happens. Hey, the good thing this happened now, that I know who Parker is. I would be utterly confused if this happened a few years ago."_

"That's not possible. How could she want her daughter with them?" Cassie frowned in confusion. Jordan sighed.

_"You don't know it? Fuck… The only reason she even tried to get back to Samantha Carter was for those guys and you. Hasn't she spoke to any of you at all?"_

"No."

_"Look… It took me years to gain her whole trust. I'm risking losing her friendship over this. That woman only trusted in those people and yourself for the longest time. So, it's not surprising she would ship her daughter to you if she disappeared. Please, take this phone with you. Call me to update me on her status. I really care about her… She saved me when I thought I was lost. Since then, I've tried to help her as much as I can. Not that she ever listens to me… But I guess you know how that goes."_

"I really don't know what to do with Parker…." Cassie mumbled.

_"I get it. Don't worry, that kid knows exactly what to do with herself. It pains me to tell you this, but she's been trained for the worst-case scenarios for years. Even if it all was played as a game for her sake."_

"Cassie? I'm ready." Parker said, entering Sam's room again.

_"Can I speak to her for a sec?"_

"Sure…" Cassie said reluctantly, passing the phone to P.

"Don't worry, Uncle J… It wasn't the bad guys. Just bad luck." Parker smiled. Then she nodded and looked at Cassie. "Yeah, don't worry. I'll behave."

**Saturday, November 17, 2012**

Since her cold departure, he had waited to call her again. Hoping she would get home and pick up her phone once she was there. She hadn't. He waited and tried several times, but it rang until it went to her voicemail.

Jack wanted to throw his phone angrily to the wall, but there was a chance she would call him back. There was a chance HWS needed him. There was a chance his own family might call him… There were too many fucking chances related to the damned device. So, instead, he threw a glass that shattered against the wall.

Another shattered glass related to issues with Sam Carter… One day, he hoped there wouldn't be a need to throw something against a wall just to deal with the emptiness and the pain that everything related to her seemed to bring upon him.

She had been gone for hours now, and most likely was avoiding him. It made sense. He had agreed that the fuck was enough, hadn't he? But the truth was if that's all she could give him… He would take it. Whenever it came to Sam Carter, he was all but a doormat. He was a man stranded in the desert, and she was his never-ending fountain of water.

His landline rang… He jumped at the shrill sound piercing the night and his pain. Then, rushed to grab it, hoping it was her. It wasn't.

"O'Neill." He barked into the phone.

_"Sir…"_

"Janet?"

_"Sir, there's a situation. You need to get here ASAP."_

"What happened?"

_"I'll rather not tell you over the phone, sir."_

"I'll be there in ten or sooner." He said already grabbing his keys and wallet while walking to his truck. He sped all the way to the mountain. Janet wasn't one that would just call him out of the blue at three forty-two in the morning over some mild bad news. So, whatever had happened, was fucked up.

She wasn't waiting for him by the entrance. The airmen there told him that 'Doctor Fraiser was waiting for him in the infirmary'. There was a grim exchange between the two guards that only added to the knot in his stomach.

Fear settled right next to tension, making themselves comfortable in his shoulders during the way down. He made for the infirmary in quick, long strides, trying to keep his cool not to run there. Daniel was out there and so was Teal'c. There was a quick exchange of glances between the two of them before Teal'c moved towards Jack. Stopping him from going inside with a hand placed over his dark shirt. While Daniel rushed inside.

Janet came out then, looking a bit disheveled. She had the I'm-not-sure-how-to-tell-you-this expression, but it wasn't the someone-died one. He clenched his jaw.

"Weren't all of you off shift around 1800 yesterday?" Jack frowned. Fighting with himself not to embrace himself around the middle. No, Generals didn't feel the need to support themselves like that. So, he pushed his hands deep into his dark jeans. When had he started to wear such dark clothes? He wondered for a second.

"Yes, sir. I returned when I learned my team was still on base late before a mission day," Janet said, looking pointedly towards Daniel's retreating form. Teal'c had also taken his leave then. "I came down here out of, I don't know, a gut feeling, maybe? When we received a call. It was the Clinic asking if we could take this General on since we were closer to the accident site."

Jack gulped. Colorado Springs had a large military population. It could be that there was a retired General out there. They could simply need him to give him a clearance now that he was stuck at the SGC until further notice. Maybe Janet had called him because they couldn't get a hold of Carter. Carter was ignoring his calls. Maybe she thought he was being extra annoying. Taking his chance to call from the base, knowing she wouldn't not pick that up.

"General Carter was in a crash, sir. Her SUV turned twice before it stopped. I'm not sure how it happened, or how she's only unconscious. She luckily only sustained minor injuries from the rollovers. Protocol says I should call you to take over her command."

Jack blinked several times as if he hadn't heard Janet's words at all. Then it dawned on him. Carter wasn't avoiding his calls. Carter was unable to answer him altogether. He'd been an idiot hating her and himself for what they'd done.

"When did this happen?"

"Around 2200. She arrived here at 2300. The first responders called the clinic when they spotted her dog tags. Once she was out of the vehicle, they took a closer inspection, and here she is. They found her belongings. Her wallet and cellphone are in our possession now. I also had to remove her dog tags to check her out." Janet said. She kept to herself the ring she saw hanging from the chain. She also didn't mention she saw there were several missed calls from his number.

Jack knew Janet had seen the missing calls. Guilt joined the fear and tension in his shoulders. Guilt because it was around that time when he had called her. There was a chance he was responsible for the accident.

"Sir, SG-1 was scheduled to leave at 1100. I request to have the mission canceled, sir."

"I agree."

"There's another issue, sir," Janet said seriously. Jack clenched his jaw. What else could there be besides the fact that Carter was laying in a bed inside the infirmary because of him and his reckless need to call her?

"What would that be, Janet?" He hissed.

"Parker Carter, sir. General Carter's a single mother. We don't know what to do about her daughter." She announced. Jack pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Someone needs to pick that girl up and inform her of the situation. Maybe find Mark Carter and ask him to come to take care of her."

"Sir…" Janet said.

"What Janet?"

"That girl only saw Mark Carter for a handful of hours," Janet whispered. "We can't possibly drop her in his hands when she doesn't know him at all."

"What do you want me to do, Janet? It's not like I am the father and I can take her in…" Jack huffed. Now, it was Janet's turn to rub her face tiredly.

"I'll ask Cassie to pick her up in the morning. Cassie has visited them a few times and gets along nicely with Parker."

"You do that," Jack whispered tiredly and turned around.

"Sir…" Janet said, stopping him from going away. "It's empty. You can go in now." She said, giving him a knowing yet sad smile. Jack nodded. Stopped by her placing a hand on her shoulder in thanks. "I'll stay right here until you're done, or she needs me."

Jack nodded. He already was concentrating on fighting his fears about what he was going to see inside the room. It wasn't as bad as his mind provided him. If it wasn't for the bruise on her face that seemingly extended under her medical gown, it looked almost like she was just sleeping.

The only disturbing noise was the one coming from the heart monitor at her side. The only other thing disturbing her body was the IV that was shoved in her left hand as it hooked her up to some saline and painkillers.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry." He mumbled, choking with the words. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have… We shouldn't… I'm sorry. God, I don't know what I'd do if you're really gone. Please, come back to me… Even if you don't want me anymore… Even if all you want from me is some type of release… Just open those eyes and be here… Be alive."

He lowered his head on the mattress. Laced his hands with hers. Just like many times before, all those years ago, he fell asleep by her bed.


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew.. sorry for the delay :D

**Saturday, November 17, 2012**

Parker doesn't look afraid of the environment she's being introduced to. Yet, as she nears the infirmary, she tightens her grip on Cassie's hand. They find Janet outside. Sleeping on one of the benches that had found its way to the infirmary corridor over the years.

Sam was placed in one of the less-used rooms of the infirmary. She's not in a private room, so they can keep a close eye on her. Cassie's hand over Janet's shoulder brings the Doctor out of her slumber.

"Good morning, mom," Cassie said. "Have you met Parker Carter before?" She says as Janet stretches on the chair and rubs the sleep out of her eyes. She smiles at the girl.

"We haven't met. I'm Doctor Frasier. You can call me Janet. Or Aunt Janet, if you want…" Janet offers. Parker crooks her head.

"You know my mom? From before… Right?" P says. Remembering her from the pictures she saw ages ago.

"Yes. We were very good friends."

"Is she all right?"

"She's… Asleep." Janet says. "You know what an IV is?" Parker nods. "She has one, so we can give her some meds while she sleeps."

"They did that with me too…" Parker says, remembering her own time in the hospital. "Can I… Can I see her?"

"Sure. I can take you to her."

"Can Cassie take me?" Parker asks. Because after all, she's only ten and her mom's all she knows. While Janet seems nice, Cassie is familiar. Cassie made her mom smile in the few times they met.

"I can go with you." Cassie grins.

"Don't be scared, Parker. Your mom has some bruises too, but truly she's only asleep now." Janet says as reassuringly as she can. The three women walk in. Parker clenches her jaw tightly and squeezes Cassie's hand.

"Oh, he's still here…." Janet says noticing the man sitting at Sam's bedside. His head next to her hip and his hand tangled in hers. It's so familiar and yet so unknown. It makes Janet's heart ache. She gives Cassie a bittersweet smile that her daughter returns. Then she places a hand on the General's shoulder.

Jack jumps awake, startled at first. Then his eyes focus on the warm hand tangled with his and the other one placed softly over his shoulder. He looks from one to the other. He raises his eyes towards Sam's face... The bruising is worse. He gulps the guilt down before he turns towards the other hand again.

"Janet." He rasps, his voice still hoarse from sleep. "Any changes?"

"No, sir. But… Hmm… This is Parker Carter." Janet says, moving a bit out of his line of sight to allow him to watch the girl.

"Yeah, we've met. Haven't we?" He tries to smile reassuringly. He's not sure he manages. "I'm General O'Neill, we met when I brought your mom some boxes?" He tries. Parker nods, 'Sir General Jack,' she remembers as her eyes fall to where his hand is still tangled to her mom's.

"Jack…" Cassie says then.

"Cass…"

"Can I have a moment with my mom?" Parker asks then. The adults are kinda relieved by this. They need to discuss her situation and they aren't sure they want to do it when she's there.

"We'll be just outside," Janet says. Parker nods. She waits until the man she knows as Sir General Jack stands up. She takes then the chair he has just vacated and replaces his hand with her smaller one. Jack gives her one small smile that doesn't reach his eyes at all. For some reason, Parker knows she can trust him.

They leave her alone with her mom. Walking a bit past the door so they wouldn't be overheard. Then Cassie drops the bomb.

"So… I've spoken with her nanny, but Parker pointed me to a Jordan Craig." Jack flinches at the name. "You know him?"

"Yeah. We've met."

"He said Sam had a plan in case something happened to her before. I guess that's why Parker knew where to find a cellphone with only his number on the contact list."

"So, when will he arrive?" Jack asked. Flinching at the thought of confronting this guy now.

"He won't."

"What?" Janet frowns, confused.

"Sam's plan… It seems it's… Well, you." She waves.

"Me?" Janet asks.

"No… You… All of you. He said that her instructions were that if she disappeared, Parker was to be sent to Jonathan Jack O'Neill, Janet Fraiser, or Daniel Jackson. There were more instructions to follow after her demises. I guess I was too young when she put that in place."

"Why would she send her to us? I mean, we didn't have a fucking clue as to where she was. Why would she send us her kid?"

"I…" Cassie sighed and scratched the back of her neck nervously. "He said you guys were the only ones she really trusted in. I have no idea what that means… But I know there's no one else to take care of her. The nanny can't do it. That's why Sam's usually off early Saturday's and it's never here on Sundays."

"We can't keep her on-base either," Jack says. Mostly because he can't stand the sight of the girl. It only adds more pain that she looks so much like Sam and despite everything, she isn't his own. And more guilt, knowing that he caused her mom's current situation and the kid's current sadness.

"I can take her home. Watch her for a few hours, but my shift starts at 1600." Cassie says. "Someone has to take over an hour before that so I can make it there."

"We'll figure something out," Jack says, with a voice filled with confidence he isn't feeling at all. "Shouldn't we check on her?"

"I'll go," Cassie says.

"Jack…" Janet says. But she really doesn't know what to say to him. She knows, by the way he is carrying himself, that this is far more difficult than he first thought. That the girl is causing more havoc inside him that she thought it would. The fact is… That the girl's existence complicates things beyond the usual complications. Janet knows all about it, having been a single mother herself.

"If she trusted in us to leave her daughter in our hands before… We can't simply pretend she doesn't exist. That we don't know that was what Sam would want." Janet adds.

"Janet…" he says, then shakes his head. "Can we just hope she'll wake up soon?"

"She might. She might not. This is not an exact science and you know it, Jack." She grimaces.

"Right, but there's still hope she might. You said there was no head injury that would keep her unconscious for long? Maybe she's just sleeping… Maybe she's just getting all the hours of sleep she hasn't been getting." Janet raises an eyebrow at this. "Jacob told me she doesn't sleep much… Not like the black under her eyes aren't a huge giveaway." Jack shrugs off.

She wants to tell him Sam is just asleep. She knows it's not just that, though.

"I can take this to Daniel and Teal'c. We can see who can take care of her once Cassie can't anymore."

Jack nods. He knows there's plenty of work to do. So he escapes to her office. He finds himself checking her shelves and picking up the pen. He plays with it for a while. Smiles a bit when it brings back memories of better times. When he didn't know what it was like to make love to Sam Carter. Though he knew exactly how it felt to love her.

A couple of hours later, Janet calls him back to the infirmary. They had made a schedule that won't involve him spending too much time with the girl. Jack wants to thank them for it. He knows he'd sound like an ass for not wanting to offer his own time to watch the daughter when all he wants to do is sit by the mother's bed.

As he reaches the place where they have Sam. He notices Cassie and Parker walking towards him.

"Jack," Cassie grins.

"Sir General Jack," Parker says seriously. She bits her lower lip in a way that makes his heart constrict. It's Sam's through and through. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" She asks. Blue eyes look at him pleadingly. He can't deny her request. They walk to the side and Cassie takes a couple of steps away. To give them as much privacy as they can get, in the middle of one empty corridor that has a terrible echo.

"I know they won't leave me to stay with her. Can you keep her safe for me?" Parker asks. Jack has to gulp down the fear of being unable to fulfill that request. For a second, his mind provides him with several scenarios. Where he has to tell the girl that her mom didn't make it. That he couldn't keep her safe from her own body. He nods, nonetheless… Because blue eyes are shining with hope. He can't break her now. He can't take away from this girl, what he'd already had taken from her mom.

He'd made Sam change. He had pushed her to the breaking point and beyond. He'd walked her to that unnumbered apartment. Then he'd walked away from her. Now… now he was unable to bring her back to him. He'd pulled her close. Even if the physical release had been allowed for two nights. He knew he'd forced her to build more walls between them.

"Don't worry, I'll watch over her." He said. Truly, those were his plans, nonetheless.

"Thank you. Will you call me if anything happens to her?"

"I will."

Surprising him, and maybe even herself. Parker clung from his neck for a couple of moments. Somehow, he felt like a haven and Parker didn't understand why. Maybe that feeling of home was what her mom was feeling when she tried out the dozens of outfits before she left for his birthday party.

"I'm ready," she said, releasing him and walking towards Cassie.

**Monday, November 19, 2012**

Sam wakes up quietly. She blinks several times and fixes her eyes on the ceiling. One she knew from before, but she can't quite place it yet. She feels the warm hand tangled in hers and the weight of the head that dips into the mattress, close to her hip. For a second, she's transported back to 2000. For a moment of peace, she can almost pretend she's just his 2IC and he is just her CO.

Almost.

The last memories she has from before everything went black, steal her mind. Distracting her from thoughts of a past she isn't sure she wants to delve in. Things aren't quite nice at the present. She doesn't know if they'll ever be even close to what they'd been when there was nothing more than platonic love.

"As I told you before, Daniel. Janet says she might be overworked and that you'd know that wouldn't be a first." She hears the faint mumble of Vala's voice despite the lights sounds coming from her heart monitor.

"Overworked? Yeah, that wouldn't be a first. We all know she never remains on base if there's no need, though." Daniel answers in the same whispery mode.

"Yeah, I heard Jack said it's obvious she's not sleeping much. That she must be just getting some well-deserved rest. Raising a child isn't as easy as we think it might be." Vala says. The curtains keeping her and Jack isolated from everyone's eyes, slowly open.

Sam blushes. How the fuck does Jack know she'd been working herself to the point of exhaustion just to be able to sleep? She has no idea how he could've guessed that one. Since, as Daniel pointed out, she had been leaving the base on time since she arrived. She feels Vala's eyes on her.

"I'll get Janet." Vala grins.

Daniel's eyes fall on her and she blushes further. Janet enters the room quickly and quietly. Somehow, Jack doesn't wake up with all the noise they had been making.

Guilt takes over when Janet looks at her, a hint of worry in her eyes.

She knows she's here because she wasn't paying attention to the road. Wanting to answer that call, Jack's call. Especially when she'd been overthinking the whole situation. She'd managed to make a mess between what-ifs, what was and what could be.

She wanted to answer his call. She'd felt the stupid butterflies in her stomach when she noticed it was him. She'd hoped she would pick up the phone and he would tell her in that sexy raspy voice of his, to drag her ass back to him. That a quick fuck wasn't quite enough, that he wanted her completely. That he needed her to survive as much as she needed him. That he was clinging to her as much as she was clinging to him. She would tell him about the stupid pen. Confess how she tugged her ring whenever things were hard.

She thought he would tell her to come back. To give him a chance, to give them a chance. That he wanted to get to know her all over again and never let her go…. That he wanted to know Parker too. Sam's eyes widened then, and her heart rate spiked.

"Parker," was the first thing she said out loud as she sat on the bed. The movement jerking Jack awake. He rubbed his eyes and squared his shoulders.

There was a time when the first thing she would say was his name… Not anymore.

"She's at school. Jessica will pick her up. Then Cassie will bring her over once she finished her homework." Sam left herself fall on the bed, trying to calm her racing heart. She risked a glance towards Jack.

"Janet, T, and Cass have been taking good care of your child, Carter. You gave her quite the scare."

'Janet, T, and Cass… You gave her…' Sam nodded as she thought on how he'd said that. Janet, T, and Cass weren't him. 'Her,' wasn't him, wasn't 'us'. She gulped, maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was calling to tell her that he didn't want to see her ever again. That she wasn't worthy of the pain she'd created. He would be right about it.

She knew he deserved better than the broken version of herself. She knew Parker deserved better than being raised by her. The cards had been dealt and her hand sucked.

Maybe she should just take matters in her hand. Disappear for good, leaving them together. They deserved to be together. They deserved that kind of happiness, the one she seemed unable to provide to them.

"Thanks," she said to Janet. Then the Doctor kicked everyone out of her room.

"You were lucky, Sam," Janet said. She couldn't disagree more. Lucky would be no waking up. Lucky would be not having to deal with the consequences of the eleven years she was gone. Lucky would be knowing how to love without creating chaos for everyone she loved. "You've only got minor injuries. Nothing to worry about. Your car, though…" Janet grimaced. "Well, you'll need a new one. Cassie said she spoke with a man called Jordan. He said he was working on getting you a new one as soon as you woke up. You scared him too…"

Sam clenched her jaw tightly and grimaced at the pain she felt.

"Yeah, I wouldn't do that much if I was you. There's a nice bruising on the side of your face. It'll be tender for a couple of days. So… I don't mean to pry, Sam, but I saw your phone when they got you here. There were at least a dozen calls from Jack. I also saw your tags."

"There's nothing there to know," Sam said coldly.

"All I'm saying is… I'm here if you ever need to talk. We can add doctor-patient confidentiality to it if that makes you feel more comfortable. Or, dunno? Maybe a talk with Mackenzie will help? I mean, none of us have a clue as to what happened during the time you were gone. Maybe you're dealing with some sort of PTSD? Maybe you're dealing with far more than any of us can imagine… But you shouldn't go through life over exhausting yourself."

"I've been doing a fine job during the past eleven years, and eight months, Janet," Sam stated.

"That's surviving… Not living." Janet pointed out. "This might sting a bit when I say it, but is that really what you want Parker to learn? How to survive life?"

Sam gulped. No, that's not what she wanted. She wanted Parker to thrive in ways she wasn't capable of. She wanted her daughter to love and be loved in a way that didn't need of running away. Changing names and hoping that one day everything was over. She wanted Parker to have everything she'd failed to obtain for herself…

She wanted Parker to live as she had lived that week in which she was conceived. Fully, lovingly, without cares and worries about things that were looming outside. She wanted Parker to have what she'd once had with Jack.

If she was honest, she still hoped to get that for herself. But, self-doubt, guilt, and inadequacy took over and told her she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of it, not that week, and not even raising Parker.


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will they talk? Won't they?  
> #takingBetsNow...

**Sunday, November 25, 2012**

With a long string of promises to take it slow, and her word that she and Parker would join them at Janet's place for Thanksgiving. Janet released Sam two days after she woke up. Now, nine days after her crash, she was still feeling a bit tender in some spots.

Fred had declined to help her train, at least until the bruising wasn't that bad. She would need written medical authorization before she could start again. Being unable to train or kick Fred's ass made Sam like a ticking time bomb. Her anger was vibrating just under her skin.

So, she'd tried to work. To keep her mind busy. Truth was, she'd only managed that during Thanksgiving. Where everything was so loud and familiar, that she hadn't had time to dwell on how much of a failure she was. When Cassie said she was grateful for her return to her life. Guilt was piled on top of the already large mountain she'd created since arriving.

She risked a glance towards Parker, who was stretched comfortably on the loveseat next to her. While she herself was sprawled on a couch, while they read and did a lousy job at paying attention to the movie in the background.

_"That's surviving… Not living. Is that really what you want Parker to learn? How to survive life?"_ Janet's words kept coming back to her in an endless loop. She shifted on the couch and grimaced when her still tender ribcage made itself known.

"Are you okay?" Parker jumped to her side, dropping her book on the couch and kneeling beside her.

"Yeah. Don't worry, P. You aren't supposed to worry this much. I'm the grown-up here." Sam said. She knew that she was far from helping Parker forget all about the fear the accident had created in her. She had managed to break her daughter in one night. 'That must be a record', she thought.

"I was scared, mommy," Parker confessed.

"I know. I'm sorry, P. I should've paid more attention to the road. This could've been avoidable."

"You can't change what already happened, mommy," Parker whispered and Sam sighed.

"I wish I could, P… God knows I wish I could." She said tracing Parker's features with the tip of her fingers. "I'm returning to work tomorrow, P… I'll be picking you up. I can only work half day according to Janet."

"Okay. Mommy?"

"Yes, P?"

"What would've happened to me if you… Didn't survive?" Parker wondered. Sam took a deep breath.

"I survived P… Don't dwell on the what-ifs. It only causes pain." Parker looked at her mom. Sighing as Sam just took a sip of the tea, she had close by. Chalking this to the list of things her mom wouldn't talk about.

"Sir General Jack seems nice…" She tried, getting back to her couch. "He seems to really care about you. Do you like him?" Sam spluttered.

"What?"

"Do you like him? I mean, he was worried. Doctor Jackson was worried too… and Uncle T… but Sir General Jack was the most worried of them all. Maybe he _likes_ you… You know?"

"He was a good friend. They all were."

"Not anymore?" Parker asked, and Sam frowned. "You said was and were…. Aren't they still your friends now? I thought friendship was supposed to last forever."

"P…" Sam sighed. She didn't know what to say. "Life, it's far more complicated as you grow older." She settled for one universal truth. Parker didn't seem convinced but grabbed her book again.

"Mom…" She started after a while. Sam sighed.

"Yes, P?"

"What's up with that vase? It wasn't there before… You know? Until you started to go through the boxes. I thought it was weird. Did it come from one of those boxes you already opened up?" Sam smiled at this.

"That was my mom's. It has been in the family for generations, P. I loved it before…"

"Then how come I never saw it?"

"You know how our stuff was always kept in different places?"

"Yeah, to keep it safe until we could be free of the bad guys." Parker nodded.

"This one was also kept safe before you were born." Sam smiled. "When I was only Samantha Carter."

"Oh… Okay." Parker sensed she had already asked too much. So she got back to her book. Beside her, Sam breathed in relief.

_"That's surviving… Not living. Is that really what you want Parker to learn? How to survive life?"_ She heard again and pinched the bridge of her nose.

That night, she tossed and turned as much as her sore body would allow her. She didn't sleep much. She was up and ready to go before time. Around noon, she was back home. The place was cold and empty without Parker to keep it loud and homey.

Sam wandered around her house, remembering the things she had lived and felt sorry for herself.

_"That's surviving… Not living. Is that really what you want Parker to learn? How to survive life?"_

She picked up the phone and dialed a number she'd dialed before and waited.

"Connor? Is your proposal still open?" She asked.

_"Sam. Yes, of course. I'm here whether you need a shoulder to cry or an ear to listen."_

_"_ Look, I… I'm not sure I should burden you with this. I already burdened you enough as it is."

_"Hey… It wasn't a burden at all. Trust me, it's what I chose to do for a living. I've heard a lot of sins worse than yours."_

"Worse than killing, manipulating, and using people?"

" _Yes. You're too harsh on yourself. I can be there tomorrow morning. Does Jack know you've called?"_

"N-no".

" _It's okay. I'll drop by his house. I won't tell him I'm there to speak to you."_

"I'll really appreciate it if you don't tell him I called you."

_"Sure. No worries. Sam… I mean it. Don't worry about this. Don't worry about burdening me with something that it's not a burden at all. Besides, haven't you managed more than you thought you would when we last really spoke about your situation? Aren't you just Samantha Carter-O'Neill now?"_

Sam gulped. Was she Samantha Carter-O'Neill? There was a piece of paper that said she was. Of course, there were pieces of papers that said she was also twenty-five other women.

"I'm not sure."

" _I have another call on the line. Don't worry, I'll be there as soon as I can. Until then, hang on."_

"Thanks, Connor."

_"Believe me, it's my pleasure."_

Connor ended the call and looked at the caller ID of the incoming call. He shook his head. They were so similar, even in their breaking points. "Is this my older brother's miracle call?" Connor grinned.

_"Connor… I fucked up. I need to talk to you."_

"I see. Well, I can't leave tonight. You know mom will kill me if I miss family dinner. Killing a priest is bad on the sin list. I'll be there tomorrow. How does that sound?"

_"Sounds like I won't be aiming my gun at you. When I find you at my place when I get back from work."_

"I'll see you there, brother. Oh, and Jack?"

" _Yes?"_

"Hang up in there. Everything will be alright."

_"I'm not counting on that one, Connor. Say hi to the family for me."_

"Will do."

**Tuesday, November 27, 2012.**

Father Connor O'Neill had landed around eleven am. He got himself a rental and drove to his brother's house. He had emailed his sister-in-law with the details of his flight. She'd answered him it would be nice if they could meet for lunch since she was on light duty.

They found each other at an Italian restaurant that was cozy enough not to be loud. She had greeted him. He had kissed her cheek and embraced her quickly. They didn't notice the dumbstruck Daniel, looking at them from the store on the other side of the road.

They had a quick lunch. Then they drove back to her place. Daniel followed them. He couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. Not when he thought he had seen some advances between Sam and Jack. Not when they seemed to be getting along so nicely.

Not when there were rumors than they had left the SGC together, the day of her crash. That there were missed calls from O'Neill on her phone. Not when Jack had remained by her bedside until she woke up and was there every time she fell asleep.

But Sam had just allowed a man to her house… After a date.

He wanted to see more. He wanted to go there and ring the doorbell, demanding answers. He couldn't. What kind of ass would he be? All he knew were conjectures of what he thought was happening. Maybe that was Parker's father and maybe they were friendly towards each other for their daughter's sake.

Maybe…

Too many guesses. He decided he would keep this to himself unless he saw things changing between her and Jack. If that happened… If he knew things were once again on the right track for them… He would need to bring this one up. To spare Jack from Sam breaking his heart again.

Inside the house, Sam and Connor were oblivious to the struggling mind of Daniel. If she knew she would've added some extra guilt to her layers. Connor would reassure her that there wasn't anything wrong with letting him in. That he was not only his brother-in-law but a priest. None of that happened as Sam set to make some coffee for them.

"So, what's eating you, Samantha Carter?"

"She is eating me…" She said with a self-deprecating smile on her face. "I'm not sure I'm her anymore, Connor. How can I be?"

"How can you not?" Connor countered.

"I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when you met me."

"We all are different, Sam. It's impossible to be the same person we were even a minute ago. Not when life experiences are shaping us with every turn of the clock. Your experiences were many. They made you doubt of everyone around you. But tell me something, did you ever lose the faith in him?"

"No."

"Then there you have it. You may not be the same person I met or the same person he met. But there are things that never changed. You just need to find them."

"What if I'm not…" She shook her head. "Never mind."

"You are not what? Perfect? Easy going? Humble? Honest?" He tried.

"No," she sighed. "It's not that." He frowned. "You look so like him when you do that." She added sadly.

"Can you explain to me what happened that made you call me?"

"I needed to talk." Sam shrugged.

"Yet, here I am, and you aren't talking to me. Would it help if I wasn't Jack's brother? Would it help if I was Jack?"

"Yes! No… I think we have no fix anymore…" she grimaced.

"Don't you love him? Haven't you gone a long way to get back to him?" Connor asked.

"I do… I have… But… It's hard. We seem unable to talk anymore."

"Have you tried?" Sam chuckled dryly, then almost hysterically.

"I tried. I went to his home and ended up fucking him. At least it was a nice birthday present." She shook her head. "Then he wanted to talk, and we ended up fucking against his door. Fuck, Connor… We didn't even make it into the room." She said. Connor looked at her with understanding shining in his eyes. "You don't seem surprised or outraged." She huffed.

"I told you, people sin differently. Besides, you both are passionate people. You both have a past, you're married. It would've surprised me if, after all this time, you hadn't found an outlet for the sexual tension that comes from your obvious attraction to each other." He smiled. "What is your fear, Sam? Your innermost heart-wrenching fear when it comes to him?"

"That he won't want me anymore. That if he could see inside me, he'd despise the woman I've become. That he'll hate me as much as I hate myself." She felt a couple of tears falling down her cheeks. "That he won't be able to help me find my way back. That we'll be unable to find ground beyond fucking each other senseless." She took a deep breath… "That he won't love me anymore."

"Trust me on this one, he can't help but love you. I'm not sure he can help you back to yourself if you don't talk to him. I'm not sure you can get back to who you were. Maybe you just need to accept this new you. In any case, it'd be hard for him to fix what he doesn't know what it's broken. Have you ever tried to fix a puzzle without looking at the image? This, it's just like that… He knows how it's supposed to look but he doesn't quite know where all the pieces fit."

"What if we can't talk? What if all we do is fall back into his bed or mine?"

"Then do it. Maybe that's the way for you guys. All I know is that I haven't met people so alike before. I know Jack is a romantic, but I also know he's awful for words when it comes to love. He's a man of action, and I believe you are too. I mean, I don't know another woman who chose to face a whole corrupt government to return to her husband. Do you?" she shook her head no, then rubbed her face, tiredly.

"I'm afraid." She confessed.

"We all are. That's life. One big leap of faith after another. You can't remain forever standing in the same position, hoping that you won't need to move."

"I'm not sure I can."

"Sam. I'm not a shrink. Maybe you need to find one. Someone who can help you untangle the mess that living as different people brought to your mind. Maybe all you need is to open up to the one who really matters. Asking for help it's no weakness. In any case… The first step to fix yourself must come from you."

Sam took a deep breath, then she noticed the time. "I need to pick Parker up from school."

"Okay. I'll see myself out."

"Connor?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"There's no need to thank me. We are family, aren't we?"

"Still, you've come every time I needed you."

"Every time you needed Jack and didn't know how to reach him, you mean." He smiled at her knowingly. Sam blushed. "Jack is lucky to have found you, Sam. You are lucky to have saved him before. Yours is a nice love story. One that deserves a better ending than a 'we fucked against the door.' But even nice love stories have some struggle in them. It's what binds people together. I'm sure when you find yourselves through this mess, you'll discover that your love has only grown, and matured beautifully. Now, you should go, and so should I."

"Thanks, Connor… Really. I mean it."

"I know. It's my pleasure to step on his shoes when he is unable to." He blushed then. "But only for conversations!" He joked, making her blush and laugh. As he drove away, Sam noticed that she felt lighter. He was right. The messed up one was her. She needed to pull herself together and be proud of her new self. After all, no matter how much she thought she was undeserving… She'd managed to get this far.


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love Connor... xD

**Tuesday, November 27, 2012.**

It was a long time since Jack arrived at a house that didn't look so depressingly dark. He knew Connor had arrived during the morning, but he had explained to Jack that he had places to go and things to see so he shouldn't worry.

"So, is Father O'Neill finally thinking about leaving the church? After going to places and seeing things in Colorado Springs?" Jack joked as he found Connor in his kitchen.

"Not a chance." Connor snorted.

"Something smells good."

"Yup, can't have word get out that an O'Neill doesn't know how to cook." Connor wriggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, it can come out now. That I won't have to be the one cooking at a campsite." Jack said. "How are you, Connor?"

"I'm good, Jack. You're the one that's not okay. But we can cut the small chat and have dinner… Then we can start the gut-clenching chat."

"Sounds like a plan."

"So, what? Are you channeling your inner Connor or something?" Connor asked. Looking at Jack's dark jeans, black turtleneck, and black jacket. "Don't get me wrong, black suits you. It's weird to see you using it… Well, for a while it was."

Jack looked down at his attire. Then at Connor, who was wearing almost the same but without the jacket. He shook his head. "I wish I was channeling my inner you. But… I didn't feel like wearing anything colorful."

"Ah, it's related to the gut-clenching chat then." Jack nodded. "If you help me clean up, we can do dinner fairly quickly."

Not even an hour later, they were sitting in Jack's living room. Jack had a glass of whisky in his hand. Even when Connor had insisted what he needed was some herbal tea.

"So, what brings me here?" Connor asked. Crooking his head, knowing full well what it was. Especially when Jack kept stealing glances towards the front door. Connor had some insight into what had happened against it. "Are you waiting for someone?"

"Huh?"

"You keep watching the door as if you're hoping someone will pop out of it. Or I don't know, as if it's telling you something that ain't telling anyone else."

"Whatcha think you are doing here?"

"I don't know, Jack. Visiting my brother, who seems distressed? What happened that you felt you needed to call me?" Jack took a deep breath and looked at the door again. "Jack?"

"You are here for the same reason you've been here before…" he said cryptically.

"Your wife." Jack nodded. "Hey, I know I'm not the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, long-legged goddess you want to speak to. But you called me, Jack. I'm here, aren't it? Maybe things will be better if you practice speaking for once?"

"Yup, you are definitively not her. We most likely wouldn't be sitting here if you were."

"What does that mean?"

Jack looked down, embarrassed. He took a sip of his drink and lowered it slowly on the table, avoiding looking at his brother. Connor knew plenty of Jack's sins and had found a way to live without showing how much he knew. Without looking at him with embarrassment or disappointment in his eyes. Would this add finally some weight to his brother's shoulders? Would this be the breaking point? Jack wondered.

"I'm… I'm not sure you can handle it." Jack mumbled. Connor raised a challenging eyebrow. "No, that's not what I mean… I'm not sure you won't look at me differently if I tell you this one."

"I won't, Jack. Most of what you told me, it's between God and you. As your brother, I won't ever look at you differently. Not because you chose to speak to me. It's actually pretty nice to know that of all people in the world, you call me." Jack took a deep breath.

"I… Went down to her office and invited her to my birthday party. She came. She looked so damn hot that I had issues keeping my hands to myself. I cornered her in my kitchen, and if someone hadn't laughed. I'm sure there would be much more happening than just sharing some really close quarters." He took a deep breath. "I wanted her so much, Connor…"

"Wanted or want?"

"Both? I think I'll always want her, no matter what goes on in our lives. I think I'll always love her too damn much."

"Knowing you… You will," Connor grinned. "So, I'm here because she came to your birthday party?"

"No… I almost got her killed."

"What?" Connor frowned. Sam hadn't mentioned that in their chat. "How? Did you?"

"No! No... Not like that! God, what kind of monster you think I am? You better don't answer that."

"You are not a monster, Jack," Connor said, rolling his eyes at him. "You are a man who had to make tough decisions. Impossible ones even. I know there's a lot you haven't told even me. I know there's plenty you haven't confessed. Maybe because you fear it will break me. Maybe because you can't help but carry the guilt. A confession would lead to some level of acceptance and the absolution of your sins. Right? Maybe there's a part of you that thinks you don't deserve absolution. It's just your wording that made me ask that. You said _you_ almost got her killed… How did that happen?"

Jack rubbed his face tiredly. "She came searching for me. On the eve of my birthday… It was totally unexpected, but somehow she ended up at my door before I left for the cabin."

"Ah, that's why you flew there." Jack nodded.

"Did you two talk?"

"That's the one thing we didn't do."

"You had sex…" Connor pretended to conclude, already knowing that was the case. Jack nodded. "You are both consenting adults, consenting married adults too."

"Yeah. She got a message that night and I… I thought she had cheated whoever she was with. I wondered if she had ever mentioned me at all. If she had the decency to let whoever she had in her bed know she was married. You know, before? When she was just Samantha Carter and life seemed… Simpler."

"Did you consider you were the other man in this case?"

"I did," Jack sighed.

"Did you ask her if she was seeing someone else?"

"Hell, no! She has a daughter, Connor, for crying out loud! She had to fuck someone! We've been through this before."

"All right, all right. So, what happened then?"

"Her dad came visiting, and he told me she isn't sleeping. That there's no one else. I felt like a stupid asshole. Fuck, I should've started by asking her if there was someone else in her life. Try to, I don't know… Get along with her child, so we could become a nice little family or something. I know we have no chances of growing a family ourselves… Not when it took me so fucking long to get her back. I didn't even help in her final return."

"Jack... You're rambling. I still don't know how you almost got her killed."

"Right. Well, after her dad said that and lots of other stuff. I couldn't take her out of my mind. So, I cornered her in the parking lot, and she followed me here."

"You do realize she could've just not followed you, right?"

"But she did. I swear to God I wanted to talk, Connor. I wanted to fix us… But…" He shook his head.

"You made love and didn't talk." Connor completed.

"Yes! No… I, we… Fucked. It wasn't sweet and romantic. I was desperate and needy."

"Jack, have you stopped to consider she might want you in the same way? That she was desperate and needy and that's why it went out like that?"

"Why? Why could she be desperate and needy when it comes to me, Connor? I'm only an old guy. One who couldn't even help her to get back. Why would she want me?"

"Because she loves you?" Jack laughed at this.

"Love me? How could she? She doesn't even know how pathetically useless I am. I couldn't even help her get back here. Fuck. I couldn't… I couldn't even fulfill the promise to let her go. What kind of sick bastard would keep waiting for the only woman he can't have? When he doesn't have any ideas of where she is?"

"A man in love." Connor pointed out. "What happened that night? How does this become an almost kill?"

"I asked her if there was someone else. She said no. I asked her if she wanted a divorce. Then she asked me if it was enough. I'm not sure what she meant. I think she meant sex. God, I nodded. What would I say to her, no? When I would grab blindly to any second, she can throw towards me? In any case, she left… And I wanted to call her back. To tell her to come back, that we needed to talk. And if all she could give me was sex. Then I would take it, if only to have her close to me. That I needed her forgiveness for how I failed her…"

"But you didn't call," Connor stated.

"Not for a while, I thought she was going home. So, I kept myself from calling, until I knew there was no way she wouldn't be home. She wasn't, though. The first call I placed happened seconds before her car crashed. She was unconscious for a couple of days, nothing too bad. At least that's what Janet said, but she was unconscious. Her face was marred and there was a huge bruise covering her side. It was my fault… If only I hadn't called her. If only I hadn't let her go. If only I hadn't asked her to follow me."

"You need to let go of the what-ifs, Jack. She is alive, and well… Isn't she?" He asked. Jack gave him a curt nod. "Then what's the issue? It was a huge scare, and maybe it's what you needed to put things into perspective. To finally sit down and talk like the grown-up you're supposed to be."

"I can't…" Jack whispered. "I'm not nearly enough for her. I almost got her killed. I almost orphaned a girl who, as far as I know, knows no one but her mom."

"Jack… You need to stop arguing with yourself. You need to find a way to forgive yourself for the things you did. Overall, you need to learn to forgive yourself for those you didn't. There are things beyond your hands. Bringing her back was one of those. I know you understand that. Don't you?" Jack nodded. "Then?"

Jack let out a strangled sigh.

"What if she finally realizes I'm not the hero she fell in love with? That I'm someone who can't even save himself?"

"The Sam I knew wasn't in love with an image of you, Jack. She loved you, whole. However, I'm sure you won't take just my word for it. I can tell you this. She was with you as part of your team for four years. Haven't you done 'bad things' during those years? Haven't you been presented with tough choices?"

"What's your point?"

"She was there, wasn't she? She kept being there, after those too…"

"I guess …"

"Didn't she tell you she cared about you after years of fighting by your side? Didn't she marry you knowing just how short of a time you'd have? How few both of your hopes were?"

"She did. Sometimes I wonder if she did that out of pity. Knowing that she wouldn't have to face me ever again."

"Jack. You know how I feel about this inner struggle you have. You know I believe you should see someone. Get help to figure yourself. You know this because I've been telling you this since you came back home after your first tour. I understand there are classified things that you can't simply share. It doesn't really make sense to try to find a way to describe what you lived that won't be the real thing too…"

"So?"

"Doesn't she have clearance? Didn't she share some of those experiences with you?"

"Yeah. But I can't talk to her… Not about… I'm not enough."

"Why you keep telling me you aren't enough?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Jack shouted angrily. Connor jumped, scared when Jack's glass shattered against the wall. "Fuck! And that's a dozen!" He shook his head.

"No, Jack. It ain't obvious. Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say, Connor? I'm a sixty years old broken man. She is sixteen years younger. She has a kid. I'm a kid-less father. My kid killed himself with my own fucking weapon. Why would she want me near when she has a kid that could end up with the same fate? I'm a divorced man, which means I failed to a wife even before she was around. I'm a former special-ops… A fucking good one too. I've killed too many people. I've broken too many people. I couldn't help her to return, I couldn't fucking find her. I didn't stop her from getting back to her life when we were put together on the same mission. I'm a mess…" he finished.

"She… She's smart, she used to care about people. Even if she seems colder, I know the care is still there. I know she tries to hide herself from the outside world, maybe because the outside world has thrown a shit ton of stuff on her shoulders. It wasn't even grateful enough to let her keep her name for eleven years. She was twenty-five women, and she raised a daughter that seems to be nice, loving, smart and so fucking caring." Jack clenched his jaw. "She brought herself back single-handedly. She organized a shit ton of things to face the stupid government, so she could get her name back. So, I'll ask you again… What am I in the grand scheme of things?"

Connor looked at him for a while. Then he stood up and placed his hand over Jack's shoulders.

"You believe she managed all that, only to get her name back?"

"Why else would she do it?" Jack shook his head. "Her name, her own identity. The things she was robbed from. It was the one thing she couldn't get if she didn't do whatever she had to do to get back."

"Have you ever stopped to consider that she could've done all that just to get back to you?"

Jack blinked.

"What? No… Why would she do something that stupid? And I'm not saying that's what she did."

"You two are too alike, Jack. What would've you have done in her place? Or better yet, what did you do to get her back?"

"Everything that I was capable of…" Jack said.

"Then… Why is it so impossible to believe she would do the same to get back to you? You said it yourself, she's smart. I'll say resourceful. So, maybe she had way more skills on her side to get back to you than you had to get her back. Think about that, brother. I'm going to bed. I have an early flight tomorrow. Unless you need me for some more…"

He waited for a second, but Jack was speechless. Connor shook his head and walked himself to the guest room.

Jack remained in the same place until the sunlight started to shine through his curtain. Maybe Connor was right… Maybe she had done everything. This enormous feat just to get back to him.

"How would I know?" He mumbled when he noticed Connor entering the living room.

"Huh?"

"How would I know if she did all of that to get back to me?"

"I'd say you need to ask her."


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Chapter 80!  
> Can you believe that?

**Wednesday, December 5, 2012.**

Despite feeling lighter and a bit more comfortable in her own skin. Sam avoids places where she and Jack would need to talk about more than work or small chat. They keep finding each other for lunch even when SG-1 is off-world or off shifts.

They eat in comfortable silence, stealing glances whenever they notice the other isn't looking, but communications remain neutral. If someone thought they had something going on, sitting at the table next to them during lunch would've killed all hopes. Unless you could read their eyes.

Years of self-protection had made them too damn good at keeping their emotions from showing freely, even in their eyes. It's the fact that the other knows this. That they somehow can still find some of that thing they shared. That the care that out of fear neither dared to call love was still simmering deep in their eyes. Unable to be held captive inside their colder minds.

Now she needs to talk to him. She needs to figure out how she's going to make up for all the absences she'd had during these months for Parker's upcoming birthday. Her eleventh… And despite knowing Jack deserves to be part of that date as much as she does–or even more since he doesn't know her at all and hasn't had a chance to be there for the previous ten–She knows he doesn't want a thing to do with their daughter.

Janet had made that abundantly clear when she mentioned he had remained by her bedside while Cassie, Teal'c, Vala, herself, and even Daniel figured out schedules around Parker's needs. If that wasn't making an extreme effort to avoid their daughter altogether. Sam didn't know what it was.

So, if he didn't want to take part in their daughter's life… So be it. Still, she needed a day off on a weekday. General Landry had mentioned he used to take those days eagerly if only to avoid his meetings.

His secretary was surprised to see her up there. The man's widened eyes were a dead giveaway that he wasn't expecting her to appear out of the blue without an appointment. Nervously, he called Jack's office, and soon she was knocking on his door.

"Come in," Jack said. Fully knowing it was her but not quite ready to be alone with her in a room with no escape other than the door she was currently closing behind her back.

"Sir."

"Carter. What can I do for you?" He asked with a smile. 'Well, you could do me, for one,' she thought but schooled her features not to show her more _errant_ thoughts.

"Sir… I… It's kinda a personal matter." They both flinched. There was no surprise in either about facing that expression. Personal matters were still being thoroughly avoided.

"Okay…" He said cautiously. Wondering if out of all days and places she would open up to him today.

"Parker's birthday is next week. Wednesday. I was wondering if you could take over the SGC that day?" She asked hopefully. Jack frowned slightly as he heard a hint of his old Sam as she asked that.

"You want a day off?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. I'll have to check my schedule. See if there's no shenanigan from DC that can't possibly be postponed. I'll let you know. If it makes you breathe easier, I have no issues doing it. I'm sure your 2IC won't have issues doing it either if you're a phone call away."

"That's the thing, sir. I really don't want to be a phone call away that day." She flinched, she dropped herself in the chair in front of him with a defeated sigh. "I'm failing her, Jack. I'm the only one adult she's known her entire life. I'm the one that kept putting her in danger. Forcing her to ignore even her own name in favor of others she liked. Now, I bring her here. I give her back her name and… I'm not there nearly enough. Fuck, I'm absolutely screwing her up."

"No, you are not," Jack said before he could stop himself. "I spoke with her while you were out… She seems lovely, Sam. From what I've heard from Cassie, Janet, Daniel, Vala, Teal'c, heck! Even Mitchell… Is that she's amazing and smart. That she never gave them time to dwell on what to do with her, because she was already making herself busy. Cassie said she's so much like you used to be… You aren't screwing her up. You're doing a helluva job as far as I know."

Sam gulped. She wanted to ask if she was doing such a great job why he didn't want to know anything about their daughter. 'He already lost a son. Even if you don't mean as much for him now, he lost you for eleven years. Why would he risk loving a kid he doesn't know?' She didn't really understand, but she didn't dare to ask either. She didn't want to add more pain to his already hurting soul.

"Thanks, Jack. You have no idea how much it means to me." She whispered instead, somehow holding his gaze.

"It's only the truth, Sam." He said with an honest half-smile that for a second reached his eyes.

"So, next Wednesday, right?" Jack clapped, and the moment was gone.

"Yes." She nodded, standing up. "I'll wait for your answer on that one before I make any plans," Sam said and turned around to leave.

"Carter?" He called. She turned around with a small frown on her face. "What are you thinking about for Christmas?" Her heartbeat skyrocketed as she processed his question. Was he going to invite them over to the cabin? She knew he went there every year. Back then, Harper had told her that and Libby had nodded eagerly too.

"Sir?" She asked. Feeling a bit out of breath as her mind imagined introducing Parker to her extended family. How the O'Neill's would jump out to know about her and make her feel welcomed, just like they had with herself.

"Christmas? You know the holiday? What are you going to do with the base during the holidays?" Sam gulped.

"The base." She said. Those words felt eerily cold to her. She could feel the prickle of the needle-like pain stabbing her skin, as she understood what he meant. It wasn't her what he cared about, but the people under her command.

"Yeah, you know, that thing that goes from level eleven to twenty-eight?"

"I haven't thought much about it yet, sir. I guess I'll do what Hammond used to do? Leaving a skeleton crew of volunteers? I'm not sure what you or General Landry did before me."

"You need to organize that. I'll need the paperwork to make it happen. I know the guys from the outposts will be sending their requests to their next scheduled meetings. We also need to fix a schedule from those who are coming home from the other sites. So the infirmary doesn't get overcrowded and all that." He waved.

"I'll work on it, sir. Will you want me to take care of the outposts' requests and returning schedule?"

"That would be lovely. I know your planning skills come handy." He said. She flinched.

"Yeah. My planning skills have come handy so many times," Sam said grimly. Remembering exactly what her skills were used for in the past eleven years. Guilt rearing its ugly head inside her mind. "It's that all, sir?" She asked. Before she could break in front of him due to the rollercoaster of emotions she'd experienced since she'd arrived at his office.

"No, that'd be all. Let me know if you'll need some help. Walter already has the report schedule from the outposts."

"Yes, I have approved them since they don't collide with any SG teams' schedule," Sam said.

"Great. Awesome."

"Thanks, General."

"Thank you, General."

**Friday, December 7, 2012.**

The moment he spotted his house, Jack sighed. There were lights on. Since there was no notification of any of his family members visiting him. He just knew it had to be Harper.

"So, what the hell are you doing here, Harper?" He shouted. As he entered the house and his keys were dropped noisily in the bowl by the entrance. He walked to the kitchen- It was always the kitchen for them - and stopped dead in his tracks. "You're not Harper."

"I wouldn't mind being as young as she is, though," Shannon said. "You look… Depressed."

"Gee, thanks."

"I mean it, you're back to wearing black. You haven't done that since she disappeared and well, those first years after we lost Charlie."

"Can't a man just like to dress in black anymore?" Jack sighed. Dropping himself on one of the island stools.

"You could... If you were Connor. Or if it was any other man who loved wearing black all day long. But you? You always were more of kaki, blues, greys, whites, jeans… Heck, I even remember an awful yellow long sleeve."

He smiled, he'd kissed Carter wearing that yellow long sleeve. He'd kept it safe after that. Not that anyone else would remember that he had kissed her. It was a loop, after all.

"What?" Shannon asked, watching him closely.

"What?"

"You had the cat who ate the canary smile for a bit."

"It's nothing. What are you doing here?"

"Jack. You told us she returned almost two months ago. Why are you still depressed?"

"Because…" He huffed.

"You haven't found a way to speak to her." She stated.

"Yeah, something like that."

"What's wrong? I know something's wrong. That tight-lipped brother of yours won't say a thing to me." She said. "I'm worried about you, Jack. I'm worried about her, too."

"About her?"

"Yes, Jack. She disappeared for eleven years. Even if the news has no idea who she is, I know who Samantha Carter USAF was. They were kind enough not to say so much about the victims, but the fact that she'd disappeared for eleven years and had been twenty-five other women, and those are only the ones she talked about… It's kinda worrying. Now, since you aren't together. I can only conclude that you guys need someone to knock your heads together and fix it."

"What did you do?"

"I called her over."

"You what?!"

"I called her. She should be here in an hour."

"Shannooon," Jack whined. "Do you have any idea of what you did?"

"I called your wife and invited her for dinner at your house after not seeing her for almost twelve years."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck…"

"What?"

"She has a daughter, Shannon. Did you know that?"

"Yes. She mentioned her daughter, and I told her to bring her, too. I would love to meet the kid. If she's anything like her mom, I bet she'll be all sorts of sweet."

"Goddamnit, Shannon!"

"Goddamnit, Shannon, what? Oh, please, Jack, you love kids and you adore that woman. So, what if she had a kid? It could mean nothing at all."

"You just don't know her like I do."

"Jack… I know you haven't slipped once in these eleven plus years. But tell me that you didn't want to search for some comfort in someone that looked like her. I know you didn't, but you had friends. You had a family... She had… Squat."

"So, I should like her daughter because she's her daughter?"

"Sure! Why not? Heck, maybe she's nice enough and the father's gone enough, that one day you can even adopt her."

There was nothing he could do to avoid the situation. He couldn't just vanish from his home. They were friends, kinda… They could eat and get along for a few hours to make his sister happy. Heck, maybe he could get to like the kid a bit more.

When he opened the door to let mother and daughter in. He knew he couldn't like the girl, even if he didn't dislike her per se. He hated the fact that Parker wasn't his. There were so many goddamned contradictory feelings whenever the girl was around. He wanted to like her. He truly did. He wanted to love her as a piece of Carter. She looked like Sam so damn much that he thought it wouldn't be impossible. However, it was a clear reminder that she'd forgotten him, even if it was only for a night. Maybe more…

Jack tried to be polite. He behaved as much as he could. He fought with his urges and lost. He'd searched for her leg and wasn't surprised when she also caressed him with her feet. Playing footsie at his age! He wanted to snort, but he didn't want to bring more attention to himself.

He'd zoned out, though. As soon as Shannon had started to talk with Parker. He'd done his thing and heard nothing of it at all. Sam noticed it, and her heart broke. She shouldn't have come. She shouldn't have brought Parker along. It was heartbreaking the way he was ignoring his own child.

Sam excused herself after a while. She needed some air and thankfully no one had questioned her. She walked to the backyard. Stood up under the cold dark night sky watching the stars she'd learned to love even more thanks to Jack.

She heard the door open and close, but she didn't turn around. She knew it was him. She knew what he was coming to do. She knew it wasn't to apologize. She couldn't help herself when he sauntered towards her and kissed her fiercely.

People said she was strong and smart, but she felt none of those things as his lips collided with hers. As her body molded to his and her lips moved along in a needy dance of clattering teeth and colliding tongues. She didn't complain when he took her some steps away and her back hit the wall of his house.

She didn't fight when his hands pushed her skirt up and fumbled with her tights. She wasn't surprised when her hands fumbled with his belt. She was overwhelmed when he touched her most sensitive part and growled slowly against her ear.

Why was she silencing him with a kiss? When he was touching her so softly to check if she was ready for him. God, she was so ready for him.

It surprised him a bit when she didn't falter when she didn't stop him. When she raised her leg against his hip, bringing him impossibly close. Sheathing him inside her. Moving along with him in the same old rhythm they had created years ago. It was rough, quick, needy… But so damn perfect. They came apart together, trembling in each other's arms, not quite letting their kiss finish.

Slowly she lowered her leg on the floor and blushed fiercely even under the cold. They didn't say a word. There wasn't much to say, and there was too much that was needed to be said. They had done it again! They had gone crazy against his wall with his sister and her daughter sitting in his dining room.

He pulled her clothes upwards as he noticed her shivering uncontrollably. With cold fingers, she helped fix him.

"Come," he said. Walking her to a French door she hadn't seen. It was his room. He directed her towards the bathroom. Looking at her, he lowered her clothes once more. Her eyes dilated before she could stop herself. He kissed her and pulled her up on the counter.

She was a sight for sore eyes, sitting on his counter with swollen lips and desire in her eyes. He was surprised he was ready for more. When rushed forward and she kissed him angrily. Her trapped legs didn't allow her for much room for movement. So, she jumped down and turned her back to him.

Looking at him through the mirror, she nodded. He entered her once more. His hand found her mouth to stop her from making much noise. She sucked in one of his fingers, making him grunt as he thrust against her again and again. It seemed he was going to last a lot longer. He moved forwards, encasing her in his arms, one of his hands traveled under her blouse, the other one went south. She came soon after that. The emotions and the way he was looking at her too much to bear. He came once her walls clenched, trapping him inside as she rode out her orgasm.

"Sit," he said, patting the counter once more. Turning around to find a cloth. He moistened it with warm water and cleaned her as much as he could. There was nothing he could do about the ruined panties.

"Scissors?" she asked when she saw him looking at the ruined scrap of fabric. He pointed to a drawer as he cleaned himself. She cut her panties off and tugged her tights back in place. Before fixing her skirt and trying to fix her hair and makeup as much as she could. She caught his confused look at the discarded panties. "Faster than losing the boots." She said as he looked at her bewildered.

She took a deep breath. Needing to get out of there before she ended up pulling him against her once more. She walked away and outside thought the French doors and stood in the cold until he returned. Out of the blue, she pressed a quick kiss on his cheek and disappeared inside.

"Parker, we're going." She announced. The kid jumped up from the table, saying a polite goodbye to Shannon. Sam couldn't look Shannon in the eye. Something told her Jack's sister knew exactly what had been happening outside.

"Shannon. It was lovely to see you again."

"I haven't said goodbye to Sir General, mom," Parker stated then. Jack entered from the back just then. "Thank you for dinner, Sir General Jack." She smiled a blinding Carter's smile.

"You girls going home?" He said, feigning innocence.

"Yes, Sir General! Fred will at the house at five. Won't he mommy?" Sam nodded.

"We have an early day. Thanks for dinner, Jack. Shannon." Was the last thing Sam said. Then she rushed Parker away from the entrance and towards her SUV.


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No broken phones, I hope.   
> Loverustal has gotten back at me with a couple more betaed chapters... I'll try to post them between doing that thing we call work...   
> SMH.

**Friday, December 7, 2012.**

"At least tell me you got her into your bedroom first," Shannon said. Still smiling as the SUV doors were slammed shut. She waved her hand to them and then she closed the door.

"I…" Jack tried to come up with something, but what could that be? What could he tell Shannon to explain how long where they missed, or how thoroughly fucked they looked?

"Dear God, Jack! What are you? Fifteen again? What about neighbors and both of your reputations?" Shannon shook her head as she walked towards the table.

"Haven't you noticed? My house is the only one at this end of the road. I don't have neighbors watching my yard." He shrugged.

"Still, Jack… Your room's a few steps away from that yard."

"Oh, come on. It's not like you haven't done something like that." He huffed, shaking his head, amused. "I clearly remember having found you and what was his name? Going at it against his wall."

"Josh Williamson. Yet, I was eighteen, not sixty!" She chuckled. "It's good to know that you still got it without that little blue pill."

"Now, you are mocking me." Jack rolled his eyes.

"How can I not? She went outside for some air. You followed, hot in her heels as a dog chasing a bone. For crying out loud, I was just hoping you at least took her inside, since it took you both so long to return. Besides, it's cold outside." She shrugged and walked past him towards the kitchen.

"I won't hear the end of this, will I?" He said as he followed her.

"Just be glad I'm not Harper or Sean… Then you wouldn't hear the end of it. I'm the nicer older sister." She batted her eyes jokingly.

"Wait, so are you saying that Bobby doesn't work without a pill anymore?" He tried to tease her. She shrugged.

"Oh, he works all right. I can tell you all about how good he works…" She wriggled her eyebrows playfully.

"I'm ignoring you. I saw enough of your butt while growing up. I know I don't want to have images of your old ass in my head now."

"So, you know who is this Fred, Parker mentioned?" Shannon asked out of the blue.

"It beats me. If the schedule her dad said she was keeping still stands, I'd say that's her personal trainer."

"A personal trainer, huh?"

"That's what he said."

"You have no clue?"

"Can we change subjects?" He rolled his eyes. Shannon shrugged.

"I got to know Parker a bit better. Since you two forgot all about us, while you were going at it!" She said loudly. Since he was walking into the dining room to get the rest of the stuff. "Parker's lovely," Shannon added as Jack lowered more stuff on the counter.

"I bet." He said curtly.

"She's smart and has this awfully wicked sense of humor."

"Shannon… I don't want to know." He groused.

"But… Jack!"

"No!" He threw his hands in the air. "Wasn't today enough of messing with my life? I don't want to know her kid. I can't even talk to her mom without screwing things up."

"Without screwing her, you mean." She said pointedly.

"Ack! You know what… You organized this mess! You clean it up." He said turning around.

"But Jack! I believe…."

"Goodnight Shannon!" He shouted from the hallway. His door was slammed shut before she could add anything else.

"I believe Parker is your daughter, Jack…" she whispered.

**Friday, December 7, 2012.**

"Are you okay, mommy?" Parker asked as they were driving back home. Sam risked a quick glance towards her.

"Yes, P. Why wouldn't I be okay?" She asked. Knowing there was a long list of reasons that she could come up with.

"Dunno," Parker shrugged. "You seemed upset as we were leaving." Sam gulped. If Parker noticed she was upset with herself, then she'd failed at keeping her cool.

"I was outside speaking with Ja… General O'Neill. When I realized how late it was and that it was past your bedtime," Sam lied, avoiding eye contact but smiling softly. Parker placed a hand over hers and smiled back.

"Don't worry, mommy. We've done worse," P shrugged. Sam's heart cracked. They had in fact done a lot worse. Traveling across the country. Staying in motels on the way to their next home and identity at all sorts of hours. "Are you sure you're okay? You were out there for a long time."

"Yeah, P, maybe I'm just a little cold," she said, 'maybe I'm a lot broken,' she thought as Parker cranked the heater up.

"You like him, don't you?" Parker asked out of the blue as they parked in the driveway.

"Like who?"

"Ja… General O'Neill." She said imitating her mom. "I think you like him. Your eyes sparkle when he's near."

"He was… is a good friend."

"But you like him," Parker stated.

"Hurry up, Parker. It's getting cold in here." Sam said, ignoring her comment. Parker shook her head. She was so used at her mom ignoring comments and questions she didn't want to answer. That she simply followed inside.

**Saturday, December 8, 2012**

It was nine in the morning when the doorbell rang at the Carter house. Wondering who the hell could be, Sam walked to the front door and peered outside. She frowned when she saw her sister-in-law standing outside.

"Shannon? What are you doing here?" Sam asked. "How did you know we were living here?"

"Ah… I kinda overheard Jack and Connor talking about you during his birthday. Jack mentioned you were living in his old house. So, I thought… Why the hell not? So I tried."

"And if I wasn't?" Sam asked, amused as she allowed her in.

"I'd be very embarrassed." Shannon grinned.

"So? What brings you here?"

"Are you alone?" She asked and Sam frowned.

"Uh? Well, Parker's in her room. Her game was canceled."

"Game?"

"Basketball. Hockey doesn't start until January." Sam shrugged.

"Oh, I see. Is she any good at it?"

"Yes, her coach says she has a future at it."

"Guess that'd help for college then. Maybe she'll get a nice scholarship."

"To be honest, she could get one from her grades alone, if she keeps up as she's been doing. However, she doesn't really need the scholarship anymore. I guess there were some perks for what we went through." Sam said. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine. So, I know from the news that you got to be twenty-five women during the years we missed you. What about Parker?" Sam gulped.

"She wasn't free of it either," Sam said sadly. "But I'll rather not talk about it."

"She's my niece... Isn't she?"

"Of course. She'll turn eleven next week, Shannon. Who else could she be?" Sam frowned in confusion.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to insult you or anything. I was just wondering. You know, since Jack didn't say a thing about her."

"I think he doesn't want to have anything to do with her. I have no idea why…" she added sadly. "I'm really afraid to ask…" She whispered, lowering her eyes to the ground.

"Does he know he's her father?"

"He knows her birthday is next week. I'm quite sure he has access to my file since. Since my base is part of his duties. Even if his name doesn't appear on her birth certificate." She grimaced. "It was safer for all three of us that way. Anyhow, it's rather easy to know who she is. We were together for a week before I disappeared for almost twelve years. Parker casually popped out thirty-nine weeks after I disappeared."

"But does he know?" Shannon asked again. Sam blinked.

"I'd be truly surprised if he doesn't. Unless he believes I was with someone else weeks before we got married."

"Before… not after…" Shannon mumbled to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing… It's nothing," she waved dismissively.

"So, you came all the way to here to ask if your niece was your niece?" Sam asked.

"Well, you didn't exactly introduce her as my niece." Shannon grinned.

"I really would like to keep it like that, if you don't mind. As you already noticed, he wants nothing to do with her. I'd prefer it if she doesn't know that he's rejected her without even knowing her." Sam sighed.

"I understand. I won't mention it. "

"Not even to him," Sam said seriously. "I get it if he doesn't want to relate to her. I won't force him to be something he doesn't want to be. We've survived a lot without him, we can still keep doing it."

"Can we still meet her?" Shannon asked.

"Of course! Whenever any of you are around, please, do come to visit. What we can't solve doesn't mean that… She's part of your family too… I can't take that away from her. She can even call you auntie if she wishes so, but…" Sam sighed tiredly. "Is it wrong that I want to protect her from feeling rejected by her own father?"

"No… Not really. You're a mom, we do that… a lot."

Shannon observed her for a good while then, as if weighing her next words.

"I'm going to tell you something that not even my family knows. When Bobby and I had just gotten married. We pretended we were waiting to have kids. Until one day I just announced to the family that I was pregnant. Truth was that during the first two years I lost three pregnancies."

"I'm sorry," Sam said honestly.

"Don't worry, I'm not searching for your pity or anything like that. I just want you to understand that I know what it feels like to lose someone you really love." Shannon smiled sadly. "I told Jack that he can't keep trying to cover the sun with his thumb. He needs to heal, and he needs help to do it. He won't listen to me. I'm pretty sure he won't listen to anyone else…" She added the last as an afterthought.

"There's nothing there I can do." Sam shrugged.

"Oh, but there is."

"What could I possibly do? We aren't really talking, Shannon. We haven't found a way to each other. It's been long enough apart that I'm starting to believe we won't ever find our way back again." Shannon's hand found Sam's and gave it a slight press.

"You will, but you first must learn that you can't heal a gaping wound with a bandaid. Although, I think you are smart enough to know that. I think you're trying to do just that for yourself. I have no idea what it's like to live with another name. Heck, I don't even know what it's like to leave town for more than four years. I came back for every holiday and whenever I could. So, I can't imagine what it's like to leave everything you know behind, including your family, friends, and your name… I can't begin to imagine how lonely that has to be. Especially when you can't even be sure you will remain in the same place for long."

"I …"

"Don't explain it to me. Don't talk about it with anyone who won't be there to pick up the mess that talking about it will bring. Because we both know that to fix a poorly healed bone, you first need to break it. He'll be there for you, Sam. I know that much. Maybe he doesn't know how to open up to you just yet, but he'll be there if you do."

"What if I can't open up to him?" Sam asked.

"Then you guys won't ever heal. You're so tightly bonded that if one wants to heal, the other must either help or let go. You're here, Sam. After eleven years, you returned to him and he was unable to let you go. So… the question is… do you want to heal? Or you want to remain utterly broken until the end of your days? Dragging each other through this not quite a life you are having…"

Sam took a deep breath. She knew what she wanted, but she was terrified to do it.

"Don't overthink it. You won't ever see the end of it if you do. Trust me, I blamed myself during the first two pregnancies I lost. I was so deep in self-pity that I almost lost Bobby. Until we both helped each other…. It was fucking ugly if I tell you the truth. But I learned that sometimes what we experience is just shaping us for a better end. I need to go now before Jack wonders where the heck I ended up at."

"Thanks, Shannon," Sam said, walking her to the door. Shannon gave her hands a light, reassuring squeeze.

"Sometimes, even if we're the most screwed up. We're better at taking the reins. I guess it has to do with being nurturing beings or something."

**Wednesday, December 12, 2012**

As the clock turned into the first hours of Wednesday, Sam felt everything in her life was just slipping through her fingers like sand. That everything she tried to do to keep part of her life in shape was only managing to make the cracks bigger. Then there was time. Stupid, ever-flowing time.

Parker was now eleven, and although Sam had agreed to the pajama party the previous night. Now watching her sleeping with her friends was too much. She knew she would have a chance to cuddle up with Parker that night. She also knew she would get to hold her baby and fall asleep with her secured in her arms as if that was enough to keep her safe. How more many birthdays would they still have left? Before she would have to face how lonely her nights really were.

"Happy birthday, P," She mumbled into the darkness of her daughter's room before closing the door again.

She went to her room, grabbed a pillow, and cried. That should be Parker in her arms... or better yet, Jack. But here she was, alone and utterly broken, just like the night before Parker was born.

Rubbing her face tiredly with a hand and cleaning the stubborn tears that kept falling with the back of it. Sam sighed. Maybe Shannon was right. Maybe she should take the first step and try to solve this loneliness she felt.

She'd tried to fix herself before. God, she had tried. She was glad that some people didn't need the help of others to get back into their own feet. Maybe she lied to herself all this time, maybe she wasn't as strong. Maybe she was just too weak to do it alone. Maybe she needed someone who would hold her as she fought her demons. Maybe her demons danced better when someone who understood what they were, was beside her.

And truly, there was only one person she knew who would be able to be there for her at the end of the road. Only one person would calm her nightmares and understand where they came from. It was the same person she would hold on to, no matter what, if that was what he needed to get back to her.

"Jack… I need you…" She whispered to the dark.

She knew the way. She knew what she had to do… but could she do it? Was she strong enough to take the first step?

"You already have…" She mumbled. "That ended up fucked."

But hadn't she told his brother that one of her bigger fears was that he wouldn't want her? Wasn't it obvious that there was some level of want in their latest encounters? He had stormed outside and had her. They hadn't stopped to think about what they were doing, they just did. Didn't that mean the attraction was still there?

"Who are you trying to kid here, Sam? You know full well you're still in love with that man! That you would grab onto anything he offers you. Even if that means fucking him on his garden on a cold December night."

Maybe Connor was right, and what they needed was the action until they finally got enough of each other. Enough of the lack of each other to finally get their heads out of their asses and start talking.

"But someone has to take the first step…" Sam sighed. It was December twelve, and she had exactly eleven days to make the first step happen. Before he took off to the cabin for the holidays. "It's always the fucking time!"


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more for the road :P

**Chapter 82**

**Friday, December 21, 2012**

Wanting to take the first step and actually taking it were two very different things. Sam came to learn that as the days flew by. The logistics of leaving a skeleton crew of volunteers for the holidays was way more complex than she had realized. Especially since most people didn't want to volunteer at all for those dates.

Adding to finding the personnel she needed, there was that thing she'd volunteered to do. So, she'd been dealing with getting people in and out of sites. The last ones coming from Alpha were just leaving the base as she walked to the mess hall to get some dinner.

She was a bit surprised to find SG-1 and Jack there. They waved at her to join them. She did as soon as she picked out some food. Sam risked a glance towards Jack as she sat in front of him.

She had wanted to speak with him since she came to work the day after Parker's birthday. So far, she hadn't managed to find time to do it, and his schedule didn't look a lot better. Besides, whenever they seemed to be in the same place, there were also a bunch of people around.

There was no way she could just let go and say… 'Hey, you know what? I think we should talk and give our marriage a chance. Or if you want to, we can become fuck buddies? You know… Until we resolve the issue you have with our daughter? Or maybe even if you don't? It won't be optimal, but I can make it work…' She closed her eyes and shook her head. Jack raised an eyebrow in question. She just looked at him, and he let it go.

"So, we all know what Jack will do during his holidays…" Daniel started.

"Do you even go fishing in winter?" Janet asked, turning to face Jack. "I mean, I know you always wanted us to join you to go fishing and managed once… but…" Jack shook his head half-amused by Janet's questioning. Sam looked at him with a slight frown. Could it be that after all this time, he hadn't disclosed his extensive family to them?

"No fishing. I'll be sitting in front of a fireplace and drinking some eggnog or something like that… For all you guys know, I might even chop down a tree and put lights on it." He offered nonchalantly.

The people at the table laughed. Sam knew that wasn't a joke. His sisters had told her way back then. That Jack was the one in charge of cutting down a tree and bringing it to his parents' home. Once he arrived tree in tow. He would sit back and enjoy the chaos of their holidays, being the half-grinch he always was.

Her expression hadn't gone unnoticed by him. He glanced at her. Telling her that in fact, they had no clue about his Christmas activities. She wanted to ask how was that possible. She knew he had taken Daniel, Teal'c, and even Janet and Cassie for a weekend. Just before the Ori had appeared.

"What about you, Carter? What will you do for Christmas?" Jack asked to bring her out of her funk.

"The same things I've been doing all these years, without changing names in between, I guess." She shrugged dismissively.

"And what that be?" Daniel asked curiously. It was the first time he heard her mention the past eleven years.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, I guess. On Christmas eve, we'll get some dinner, go to sleep, and then Parker will wake me up to open her gifts. We'll have brunch. We'll both end up reading, most likely. We might go ice skating… Planning Christmas day is fully up to Parker. Christmas and her birthday were the only times she had something akin to a normal life."

They blanched. The way she had so casually said that was surprising. There was also a tremendous level of detachment in her words. As if she wasn't discussing her life but some weird movie she saw or a book she had read.

"You won't visit your brother?" Jack asked, frowning at the image she had painted for them

"I figured you'll be going to the cabin and we can't both go AWOL at the same time. Can we?" He squinted at her answer. Jack knew an excuse when he saw one. He really didn't want her missing out on her family for something as silly as him.

"Phone calls and planes exist, Carter. If you want to go, and I'm not here either… Those stands. Neither will be going to be completely unreachable." Jack pointed. Sam looked at him. "You should go, first holidays back and all…" he waved, noticing something was wrong, the moment he had left those words out. Sam shook her head no.

"Mark's kids will be home. They don't want me near them." She shrugged it off. In that tone that had them all looking at her in awe. She had stated that as if knowing that your family had rejected your visit during the holidays wasn't as bad as it sounded. "I'll visit them once the kids aren't there. It'll be less awkward for all the involved."

Janet was the first to get over the shock of the things Sam had said. "Sam… I still hold my lost souls' Christmas party, as you and Daniel named it." Janet smiled, welcomingly. "You and Parker should join us. It will be almost like old times…"

"Oh! And your birthday! We should do something for your birthday too." Daniel added. "Maybe a party, with the people who'll still be in the city."

"You mean with the ones that aren't scared shitless of me?" Sam pointed out knowingly. "That would be just you guys. I'm not sure if that's all of you." She said, stealing a glance towards Mitchell.

"Throw a party! If there's free booze I'm sure there would be way more people than you're thinking. Better yet, just leave it in my capable hands. Jack does it all the time…" Vala grinned. "Isn't that right?"

"If you fall for her eagerness. Just set a time you feel will work and then tell her it's an hour earlier. Everyone will show up on time but her."

"Hey, I'm not that bad. Besides, she got around the same time that I did on your birthday." Vala pointed. Thinking of his birthday and what it had happened on that day made Sam blush slightly.

"She has a kid and was hosting a party herself, so..." Jack had said. Sam breathed when she noticed Jack had thought she blushed for the late arrival. "Carter had a valid excuse, Vala." Jack pointed out. Sam felt something stir inside her. He was defending her… From something as stupid as being late. He was standing up for her, and that made her heart skip a beat.

"I'm not sure I should. You know, protocol and regulations…" Sam waved, trying to rein the emotions that were boiling inside.

"Starting from Hammond, all SGC COs did before you." Daniel pointed.

"So, if they jumped out of the mountain. I should too?" Sam counteracted.

"Don't let them get under your skin, Carter. Do it if you want to." Jack shrugged. She turned towards him.

"There's so much more needed to get under my skin than peer pressure nowadays." She mumbled.

Jack wasn't sure what she meant by that, but a look at her told him it had a lot to do with her past. Nothing to do with the subject at hand. "I'll think about it." She added, trying to break the mood she had set in the previously cheery table.

"You know, maybe it'll help people to get to know you. A party sounds like a good opportunity to introduce yourself as someone more approachable." Daniel commented.

"I'll think about it," Sam said again, this time a bit harsher. Her appetite was now lost. She lowered her cutlery on the tray and checked her watch. "I'll better get going, there's still lots to do before I can leave today." She stood up and walked away, taking her tray with her.

"Way to go, people…" Vala said, shaking her head. "I can't believe she was nice at some point."

"She was," Daniel and Janet said at the same time.

"She still is," Teal'c said. "It's just covered up under that detachment she shows. We should be patient with her. One day we might get to the parts of the Samantha Carter we knew before."

"Parts of her?" Daniel frowned.

"We all have changed and grown during the time apart. What makes you believe she hasn't?" Teal'c added, looking at Jack. He hummed, pushed his plate aside. When it wasn't as obvious that he was going to follow her, he also left.

**Friday, December 21, 2012**

Jack found her in her office. Her nose buried in some files as she checked things off her list. He sat across her, with his extended legs going under her desk for comfort. His knees cracked, and she looked up to find him observing her.

"I'm sorry." He said. 'So much for taking the first step,' she thought.

"Why? There's nothing you should be sorry about," Sam said. Though the pit of her stomach clenched as her mind provided her with a huge list of things that he could be sorry about. Maybe he was sorry he'd sex with her all those times since she returned? Maybe he was sorry things were so screwed up for them? Maybe… There were so many maybes... And her mind wasn't such a nice place for them.

"What you went through. I guess. I shouldn't have let you go back then."

"Well, things happened. They are way past done. We can't change them." She said. Lowering the folder and pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry I turned dinner a sour event. I know it was the last one before you go to the cabin. I didn't mean to…"

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have prodded." Jack shrugged. "I just wanted you to know I'm sorry. I wish things were different."

"Yeah… Me too." She said looking at him sadly. "Are you leaving soon?"

"Yes. I just came by to see if you were all right? Damn, that's a dumb question…" Sam chuckled. "Look, Carter… I…"

"You think we can be friends again?" She blurted out. Jack was shocked at first by this.

"I thought we already were." He said.

"We don't really… Talk."

"We never talked."

"There's that too," the tips of her lips curled slightly upwards at that. "Don't you think we should?"

"Do you want to?" Sam rubbed her face tiredly.

"How else are we going to move past this stalemate of sorts we have?" She wondered. Jack sat back in the chair.

"We should… Talk. I don't think this is the right place to do that."

"I agree. However, we both know your house isn't a better idea and mine…" she shook her head, amused. "Well, it probably would end up in the same way that yours does. Besides, it's already late and almost time for you to leave."

"You got my number, don't you?"

"Yes, of course…" Sam said, confused.

"Maybe we could do this better on the phone?" Jack offered. Sam chuckled and bit her lower lip to stop the laugh that was bubbling inside her.

"What?" He frowned.

"Nothing," she managed to say, but she was laughing and that was music to his ears.

"Come on! Now I gotta know."

"When I was out there. I had this idea of making a video call software. So, one day I would be able to call you and see you in real-time. I developed it, it's a market favorite… It never met what I intended it for." She said crooking her head.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Do you have a laptop?"

"Sadly… Yes." He grimaced.

"And I guess you still have an internet connection at the cabin?" She questioned, already knowing the answer. He nodded. "Is your laptop here?"

"Yup. Up in my office."

"If you can give me five. I can catch you at your office and show you how it works."

"So, you want us to… video call?"

"Well, unless you don't want to… It's an option."

"Carter… If it will fix this… _thing_ … I'll take a video call or another ancient repository, for all I care." She smiled. A half-smile, but it was half a smile more than he had seen in a while. She went back to work, and he remained there observing her in silence.

Maybe, after all, they could work on a fix. Maybe if they worked on it enough. He could accept the kid too. Maybe Shannon was right. He might end up adopting Sam's daughter in the long run. He heard Sam typing. Then she closed everything she'd had opened and stood up.

"I'm ready. I need to make a stop at my quarters to grab my wallet." Jack nodded and followed her to the elevators. They walked out so she could get her things. Then back into the elevator to his floor. Once inside his office, she waited for him to unpack his personal laptop.

"This is a personal one, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I just asked one of the geeks below to check and see it was functional for my trip. Don't worry, I don't keep anything compromising in there." He got to see the tip of her lips curled upwards again. It did things to him.

"So, you say you keep them elsewhere?" She asked teasingly. It came so easy there for a second, they both forgot about all the time and distance between them.

"Well, there are rather hot videos my wife sent me a long while ago. I have to keep those safe, don't I?" He teased back. Her eyes darkened and so did his. She grabbed the computer and sat on one of the chairs. As he walked around putting his desk between their seemingly uncontrollable needs.

"You need to unlock it." She said turning it around. He typed something and turned it back to her. He heard her type some more and smiled as she concentrated so much on what she was doing that it seemed that she'd forgotten he was there too. It felt just like old times.

She hadn't forgotten. Sam could feel his eyes on her. It was making focusing on the task at hand a complex situation. When she'd finally installed what she needed. She turned the computer towards him once again. Taking a calming breath before walking around and standing beside him. To show him how it worked.

"It's still not what it can be. However, it works. Our studies say that by 2020 video conferencing will be spread all over the world. Being more used than regular calls."

"Sounds cool." He said. "I bet Cassie will be thrilled by that. That woman could spend years inside the computer while growing up. So, I'm all set then?"

"Yes." She checked her watch. "We both should go. Jessica will be more than happy to get home by now."

"Jessica?"

"Parker's nanny…" Sam stated. Jack took a deep breath. Sometimes it was so easy for him to forget things had changed in the eleven years since she was gone. They both walked towards the door, but she stopped right before it. "Jack." She said, searching his eyes. "Even if this video call thing doesn't pan out… Will you be there for my birthday if I go with the party?"

"I'm not sure, Carter."

"Right, I forgot you usually just go there and stay with your family during the whole holiday season. It was stupid of me to ask."

"Will you want me there?" He asked, searching her eyes in return. She nodded. "I can't promise you I'll be there, Carter. Not with our current track record."

"I understand." She said. Out of an impulse, she placed a kiss on his cheek. "Have a save trip, Jack, and say hi to your family for me."


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to sate your cravings(?)

**Thursday, December 27, 2012**

"What have you in such a weird mood?" Harper asked as she and Libby sat next to Jack. They were watching the little kids play in the snow.

"The usual suspect?" Jack offered with a shrug.

"Your wife, who died then, didn't?" Libby asked. "How is she? I read all about the case, you know, the one she helped unravel. Quite amazing what they all managed."

"She managed… Not they all managed," Jack mumbled.

"She managed? You mean… She was the mastermind behind it all?" Harper asked. Surprised by Jack's words. Jack nodded. "So that's why she had so many identities while most people only got a handful?"

"I don't know," Jack shrugged again, taking a sip of his drink.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Please tell me you guys are talking," Shannon asked behind them.

"God… Really? All three of you now?" Jack rolled his eyes. "Hey! Can all my siblings and parents get back inside, so I won't have to go through this more than once?" He shouted. There were a couple of worried glances exchanged between in-laws as the O'Neill siblings all walked inside.

"Sam is alive. She has a daughter. We aren't talking that much, but we are friendly. I guess too many things have changed for both of us. We're having issues figuring it all out." He said. 'I'm having issues figuring out myself too,' he thought.

"We all knew that, Jack. Wasn't that exactly where you were at back in October?" Finn asked. There were several nods.

"It's complicated." Jack let out as an explanation. His mom walked to him and placed a hand over his shoulder.

"Jack. Life is complicated, but most of the time we make it like that. Most of the time we're just drowning in shallow water. You are a wise man. You should find her. Maybe she's scared."

"How can I possibly know?"

"You'll know."

"That's not helpful at all, mom." His mom smiled at him.

"Are you sure?" She asked. He nodded. Jack thought he was sure, but he wasn't.

"Search common ground, Jackie." His father added. "Search common ground and work at it from there."

No one else said anything, but he could read the saddened looks they were giving him. After all, Jack knew they all wanted him to be happy. One by one they left the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

All but Shannon. She looked at him pointedly, considering if she should just tell him about Parker or give Sam a chance to tell him herself. She knew him, though, and she knew that no matter how obvious it was for her that Parker was her niece when he was brought out of his denial, it wouldn't be pretty and he would need his wife. It wasn't her truth to share, but she would be damned if she let them both sit on that for too long.

"Jack… Whatever you do, don't be an ass with that kid. You both might be screwed up right now, but the kid has no fault on this. And trust me, you might regret it later."

She patted his shoulder and joined the rest of the family outside. Shaking his head, he took his cellphone out and opened a message.

' _You think we can give that call thing a try?'_ He texted before he could regret it. He had forgotten all about the message by the time his phone had vibrated in his pocket.

' _Parker goes to bed at 2030. We can talk after that.'_

**Thursday, December 27, 2012**

Sam was working on something for the private companies that direly needed her attention. Or so Jordan was claiming as he chattered loudly on her third screen. Since he was being loud, Parker had moved back to her room.

Her phone went off out of the blue, and she frowned.

_"What's wrong, Grand Empress?"_ Jordan asked.

"Why do you keep calling me that after all this time?" She shook her head, amused.

_"Because that's who you are."_ He shrugged in dismissal. _"So, who is it?"_ Jordan asked, wriggling his eyebrows. _"Please tell me it's that hot husband of yours. You know the one that for some reason isn't screwing your brains out as we speak. Although, I'll rather not be on this call if he was, if you were…"_ he said doing weird gestures with his hands.

"Jordan!" Sam chuckled. She grabbed her phone and frowned again. ' _You think we can give that call thing a try?'_

_"A frown can't be something good? Do you need to go? We don't have a Jessica now. What would you do with Parker if you need to get to your base?"_

"We?" She shook her head, grinning at him. "I have a pass for her. From when I was stuck in there after the car accident."

_"Right. So?"_

"So, what?"

_"Are you going to the base?"_ He asked.

"No."

_"So? Who was it?"_

"Jack…"

_"Oh! What does he want? Is he coming over? God, I'll like to see the two of you standing together. I'll bet that you look amazing standing next to each other."_

"Are you ready to stop fangirling?" Sam chuckled again.

_"I'm not fangirling. I didn't do that even when I figured out who you were."_

"Yeah. Right. You kept that one to yourself long enough."

_"I know. I'm kinda proud of me for that."_ He grinned. _"But you, ma'am, are avoiding the subject at hand."_

"He wants to have a video call."

_"Let me end this now then."_

"No!"

_"What? Why not?"_ He looked at her. " _He's your husband. As far as I know, you haven't spoken to him about the things you did. You know, I was there most of the time. I don't think they were as bad as you think they are."_ He frowned.

"It doesn't matter what you think."

_"Ouch, thanks."_ He shook his head. _"But it matters what he thinks. A piece of advice? Figure out if what he thinks and what you think he thinks are the same thing. I'm willing to bet they are not the same."_

"He hates Parker," Sam stated. Then she placed one hand over her mouth. The widened eyes told Jordan she wasn't supposed to disclose that piece of information to him.

_"I can't believe that. She's such a good girl."_

"I don't understand it myself, Jnerd." She sighed. "I thought he would be willing to get to know her but… He stays as far away from her as he can."

_"And if he can't accept her?"_

"I don't know. I want him in my life, but I don't want to pick between him and Parker. I want them both. I guess I'm just being selfish, not thinking of what he might want. It's been eleven years. Maybe we're too different, maybe we never knew each other that much."

_"Call him. Talk to him. You'll never know if you don't try. Besides, maybe you don't have to pick between them. Maybe you can have a relationship with him with a good deal of planning. If he doesn't want to meet her, then you'll need to plan around Parker's schedule too. But, hey… I've seen you planning around the schedule of over two hundred people… so three shouldn't be a big issue for you."_

Sam looked at her phone, then at Jordan again.

"What if I can't?"

_"Can't what?"_

"Talk to him."

_"I was once told that best relationships are those where you can sit in silence with your partner and feel like home. Give it a chance… Weren't you telling me the same a few months back?"_

She grabbed her phone then. It had been a long while since he'd texted her. She checked the clock on the screen and sighed. "It's Parker time, Jnerd."

_"Then tell him you'll go for it after P's time. What's the worst that can happen, he tells you 'no'? He was the one who asked."_

"Okay, okay! You win!" She said, raising her hands in surrender. After typing a quick ' _Parker goes to bed at 2030. We can talk after that.'_ She pressed send. "Now, if I don't call you about this…"

_"There's always tomorrow. Good luck."_ Jordan said and winked at her.

"Are you coming to my birthday party?" She asked feeling her insecurities creeping out.

_"Sure! I won't miss it for anything in the world. Maybe I finally know if the age on the file I saw is your real age."_

"Forty-four, Jordan…" she rolled her eyes. "I'm turning forty-four. Goodbye!" She hung up on him before he could answer and walked to Parker's room. "Hey, bedtime." She said even if Parker was already in bed reading.

"Cool. Can't wait to hear what happens next."

Sam's phone went off then. She frowned for a second and took it out. Another text. _'I'll see you then. If I can remember how it works.'_ Sam smiled.

Parker watched her mom for a second. Wondering if the man on the phone was Sir General Jack. That would make sense because he seemed to be the only one who could make her eyes sparkle. She didn't ask, though, because she knew her question would go unanswered.

By eight-thirty, Sam was moving back to the office. Her phone went off again _. 'Where are you?'_

_'Setting up,'_ she texted back.

_'Cool, 'coz I don't know what I'm doing.'_ She shook her head, amused.

_'Don't worry, I'll call u.'_

It took her a moment to bring the software up. For some reason she was nervous. Her hands trembled as she typed his contact info and pressed the call button. He was too close to his camera and looked slightly out of focus.

_"Whoa. How do you look so nice and I look like shit_?" He asked. Sam shook her head.

"Practice, I guess." She said cryptically. As she thought of all the several hours of video, she'd created for all their special dates. "So, you want to talk."

_"I want… something."_ Sam rubbed her face tiredly. _"You are tired,"_ Jack stated.

"I'm always tired, Jack. I don't know what it feels like not to be tired anymore."

_"I understand. I've been there myself."_ He confessed.

"Why is this so hard?" She asked.

_"Because…"_ he waved. _"I think it has to do with who we are, Sam. We're very private people and we like to deal with our own shit behind closed doors. I'm fairly sure this is as hard for you as it is for me."_

She placed her head between her hands and sighed, "Jack? Will you be here for my birthday?" She asked, risking a glance at her screen.

_"I'll try."_ He answered honestly. They remained in silence for a while, totally defeating the purpose of the call.

"Fuck," she said. "To hell with this."

_"With what?"_

"What do you think I've done the time I was missing?" She braved.

_"What was said in the several dozens of trials I was dragged to,"_ he shrugged. _"Carter._ " He sighed, and she squared her shoulders. A hint of pain grazed her eyes. Jack let out a breath. _"Sam… Why didn't you call me? I mean, you contacted me before… Why did you stop? I waited for your calls… messages… something…"_

"You know why." She smiled sadly at him.

_"No, I don't."_

"Maybourne was right. They were piling up information against anyone they thought could become a nice piece to move around. You were a great candidate at first, but beyond the footage you saw, the zat'arc file and our friendship. There wasn't anything they could use to keep you on their side, Jack."

_"I see, but they took you,"_ Jack said. _"I never understood why they took you. You were far better back with us. You were far more useful here than there. I'm sure things wouldn't have taken so long if you were around to help."_

"I didn't understand either, not for a while. Until I figured out they wanted me, and everyone else they took out, to join them. However, there was another layer of my situation."

_"Me."_

"Yes. They also wanted you, but they needed you Earthbound. Whereas they wanted me off-world. They kept both of us under surveillance before you took me to that safe house. They kept an eye on you while trying to find a way to make you cooperate. They also had you as a point of control." She shook her head.

"I think they underestimated my situation. There was no surveillance for any of my WITSEC alias. They hadn't kept that many tabs on me. Nothing that wasn't avoidable on my side, at least. Then, I found out they were keeping tabs on all of you. I didn't understand at first. Or I didn't want to understand… But it was…" she sighed.

_"It was what?"_ He prodded.

"I believe they kept the records in your house, Daniel and Janet's in case I contacted you. They were kinda adamant that I was going to contact you. I think at first, their plan was to try to use whatever they could get from you to try to make me cooperate. To force me to push you to work for them."

_"That was before you left them?"_

"Yeah... I believe they kept it going until the end. Only to try to lure me into a false sense of security, when I would contact you. If I did, they could get to me, find where I was hiding. Also, they would have something on you. There was an order to find me and drag me to their command if I ever was found. There was a whole folder on how I was a traitor, and what they could use to get you." She saw him clenching his jaw tightly. Rage boiling in brown depths.

_"I see,"_ he took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. _"So, how did you escape WITSEC? What made you flee? We only figured you went lost when Davis tried to contact you to deal with your replicator."_ Jack said.

"My handler. She figured something was wrong. When it kept happening that my covers were blown so many times for stupid things. She recommended me to find a way out. When she figured they were coming for me. She called me and gave me a head start. By then, I already had settled a fail-safe."

_"But you still kept changing names?"_

"Yes. I couldn't…" she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I think I became too paranoid. I was terrified that someone would find me and drag me back to WITSEC, or worse. That it would be someone from the Trust and I would end up off-world with no chance to return."

_"There's something I need to ask, Sam… I hope you don't mind."_ She nodded. " _Why did you return?"_ He asked. The answer for Sam was so clear, but should she let it out? Could she voice it? _"You don't need to answer if you don't want to."_

"I know." She agreed. "You. I came back for you."

There was silence settling again. It wasn't as comfortable as it could be. She was worried that her statement could've damaged whatever progress they'd done. Jack was terrified, Shannon and Connor had been right. She'd returned for him of all the things she could've returned for. What if he screwed this one up?

"I shouldn't have said that." She added when he said nothing.

_"NO!"_ he shouted. _"I mean. Isn't that the truth?"_

"Will you run away if I tell you it is?" She flinched.

_"No. Fuck, Sam. We needed to take matters into our hands, sooner. Now, it seems we bring down walls only to make them stronger."_

"You know… The things on my shelves back in the SGC?" Jack nodded. "Those are the things that kept me going. They kept me sane. Those and this," she said. Pulling her dog tags out and showing him the ring that hung from it. "Janet saw this. She asked about it, but I didn't say a thing."

_"Why did you mention it to the brass?"_ He spluttered.

"To avoid conflicts. God, we both know that if I didn't, I would be under your command. Since neither of us presented the change of status to the USAF, who knows what could've happened. I thought it would be for the best. I thought you would understand."

_"I'm not sure I do. I mean, I haven't told anyone else."_ Jack said. 'Shouted it to Daniel when I was angry,' he thought.

'Except to the escort,' Sam thought. "I know." She said instead. "Does it piss you off that I told them?"

_"Not really. It's just…"_

"We didn't announce it together. Fuck, I don't even know if you want to keep it going. We don't even know if this is salvageable." Sam said.

_"I think it is."_

"You think?" She asked hopefully.

_"I hope it is,"_ Jack said. _"Sam, now I know you came back for me. How couldn't I want to fix this if I've been waiting for you this whole time?"_

"I… I don't know. Jack…"

_"Yes?"_

"I'm scared."

_"Of what?_ " He shook his head, surprised by her answer. _"What could you possibly be afraid of?"_

"Myself. I'm scared of myself."


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my... won't you look at that date... :D

**Thursday, December 27, 2012**

Jack looked at her from his comfortable bed, surprised by her statement. It was a brave thing to say. That she was afraid of herself. He knew it was awfully scary to admit something like that.

"I think most people that do things like we need to do, are afraid of themselves, Sam," Jack said. Because the truth was, sometimes he scared the shit out of himself.

_"As if you do._ " She rolled her eyes at him.

"As a matter of fact, sometimes I do." His statement surprised him. Jack wasn't sure he would come clean like that, but there was something that made him say it. He couldn't believe the relief he felt after confessing it. "Sometimes I wonder who the hell I am and what the hell I am capable of. Because sometimes my memories are as scary as hell. Fuck, we went to hell, Sam! That's not even the cherry on the top for me."

_"Jack… You don't understand. I've done things I'm not proud of…"_ Her voice was barely a whisper.

"And what? Do you think I haven't? You think Daniel, Janet, Teal'c. Heck! Even Cassie, can say they have only done things they're proud of? You're only human, Sam. Your brain might be one of the best assets of this country, if not a national treasure. That doesn't mean you can't think you're wrong. You aren't perfect. Neither am I."

He looked at her and he wanted nothing more than to be there. To hug her and be a neuron in her brain to try to figure out what was going on in that brilliant mind of hers. She held his gaze for a while until she couldn't. She yawned then, and he frowned.

"You should lie down. Who knows, maybe I can talk you to sleep," he offered.

_"I would like that, but I'm in the office. My home office set up was already open, so it was faster than setting up my laptop."_

"Then go get some rest, Carter. You can't live life over exhausting yourself all the time."

_"I'm not,"_ she yawned.

"Yes, you are. I know you well enough. I've done that myself enough, too. Go, sleep. We can talk tomorrow again."

_"Is that a deal?"_

"If that means you'll get at least six hours of decent shuteye. Yes."

_"Good night, Jack."_ She smiled. A mesmerizingly honest smile.

"Good night, Sam."

**Friday, December 28, 2012**

Sam woke up with Parker tucked safely under her arm. She couldn't recall exactly when or how that had happened. It wasn't all that surprising. During the years they were living on the run, Parker would jump in her bed whenever she'd had a bad dream.

Sam didn't sleep much, but when she did, it was most likely a deep sleep courtesy of exhaustion. So, Parker had found out that she could get away with cuddling in her mom's bed. If her mom was sleeping whenever that happened.

"If I recall things correctly, you were in your bed when I left you," Sam mumbled, nuzzling her hair. "Nightmare?"

"I… Not really. I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep."

"Okay. As long as you know that you can come to me whenever something is wrong."

"I know."

"So, is there something wrong?" Parker shook her head. "Great, then let's get ready to start the day. Fred should be here shortly. You still need breakfast and Jessica should be here soon too."

It was after her training and getting ready to leave, that she went to find Parker. She had thought the guys' advice through, but there was still something making her doubt. She knocked on Parker's open door to get her attention.

"P? How would you feel about throwing a birthday party?"

"For you?" She turned around to look at her mom, confused by it. As long as she had lived, she couldn't remember one birthday that her mom would do something for herself.

"Is that so shocking?" Sam asked, crossing her arms.

"Yes! Mommy, I didn't even know when your birthday was until I was old." She said and Sam snorted.

"If you are old, P… Then what am I? Ancient?"

"You know what I mean," Parker said. Rolling her eyes in a very Jack way. "But no, if you want to throw a party, you should."

"But won't you be uncomfortable? You know, surrounded by adults you know nothing about?" Sam asked, and it was Parker's turn to snort.

"Mom, I've been doing that my whole life."

"Right!"

"Besides, I could just get some friends over?"

"That'd be good too." Sam smiled.

"So, who's coming over?" Parker grinned.

"I'm not sure. Vala said she would organize it, I guess it'd be Janet, Cassie, T, Vala and… Daniel..." She sighed the last name. They were talking now, but their relationship was a lot different from before. A bit colder, a lot more… aloof.

"Not Sir General Jack?" Parker grinned, hopefully.

"He's out of town." Sam frowned. Was that disappointment that she read on Parker's face? How could that be if Jack avoided her like the plague? "Besides, I don't think he would be here if he wasn't."

"Isn't he your friend?" Parker frowned.

"He is."

"Then why wouldn't he be here?"

"It's complicated," Sam dismissed. Parker wondered if being friends and being in love were mutually exclusive things when you were an adult. "So, you are okay with it?"

"Sure. Whatever makes you happy, mom!"

"Great, thanks. I need to go now. I'll try to be home early."

**Friday, December 28, 2012**

"So, I got this interesting email from, Vala," Jack said as soon as she appeared on his screen. "I'm glad to know you decided to go for it."

_"Yeah. I'm totally regretting it already."_ Sam shook her head. _"Vala said there were at least twenty confirmed guests. I had no idea where I'll fit that many peopl_ e."

"The yard was lovely."

_"That's what I thought too. Then it snowed. So, I have to call a bunch of places tomorrow, to see if someone can rent me some tents and maybe some external heaters. Oh, and tables… And chairs! I don't have enough chairs!"_

"Are you freaking out?" Jack chuckled.

_"I am!"_

"I didn't know you were such a control freak," Jack stated amused, but her expression became grim.

_"I wasn't._ " Sam huffed. _"I became one out of necessity."_ She grimaced. Reminding him he really didn't know her that much anymore.

"Sam… Listen to me, there's no need to freak out about this. It's people from the SGC. You know most of them. You're just opening your home to them. Inviting them to some food and maybe drinks. If you're uncomfortable with that, you shouldn't do it."

_"Then what? Send an email saying Vala was joking? There was enough incredulity already running around the rumor mill."_

"Talk to Janet. I'm sure she'll be there earlier to help you out, as much as she can." He smiled. "So, watcha doing?" Jack asked as he listened to her typing.

_"I'm fixing some code."_ She shrugged.

"Am I that boring, that you need to code while I'm talking to you?"

_"No. It's just something I would've fixed around this time. I won't be able to fix it tomorrow, so… hope you don't mind."_ She flinched as she waited for his answer. Jack thought her expression was quite endearing.

"Not at all, I'm just joking. Want me to keep quiet until you finish?" He offered.

_"What would be the point of having a video call if we don't talk?"_ Sam asked. Stopping her typing for a second to look at him. Jack shrugged.

"Company, I guess? I can read while you're at it. If there's something you want to talk about, we can talk."

_"That'd be awesome."_ She took his breath away with one of her brightest smiles. The brightest he'd seen since her return.

"So, isn't there anyone else who could fix this code thing?" He asked after a while. Sam looked up and shook her head.

_"No. I programmed it and it's faster when I fix it. The one in charge had this case sitting on his desk for a month. Trying to figure out what to change. We can't keep it like that."_

"I see." He said and grabbed his book again. Jack tried to concentrate on the words in his hands, but it was so difficult having her there to observe. If he was honest, he used to go to her lab only to observe her. This was bringing back those memories. "The pen on your shelves at the SGC? That's the one I kept playing with back then, isn't it?" Her blush was the answer he needed.

_"It was."_ She confirmed. _"It was one of the few material things they allowed me to keep. All those things in my shelves were."_

"What do they stand for? Or who…" he frowned in concentration. "I'll guess the drawing is Cassie's and by extension, Janet. My bet is they wouldn't allow just take a needle with you." Sam snorted.

_"Yeah. The pebble was from the time when we taught Teal'c how to make them bounce."_

"Oh, I remember that day. It was a quiet mission for once. And the others?" It really was one of the few peaceful memories his brain could come up with whenever he was too stressed.

_"The piece of paper with scribblings was something Daniel and I found out. The watch belonged to my mom, a gift from my dad."_

"Something to remind you of your family then." She nodded.

_"The last ties I had to my family, related by blood or not."_

"It must have been awful." He mumbled, lowering his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Knowing that we were right here, and you couldn't even contact us. I always thought you would." She raised her eyes for a second.

_"I found a way to keep me myself from doing it. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to tell you what it was,"_ Sam said, thinking on the several thumb-drives holding videos of her talking to him. Confessing everything she did and felt during those years.

"I'm sorry," he said again. She looked up at him.

_"Jack. You got to stop apologizing. It wasn't your fault. You didn't order me to go there. You didn't hold a file over both our heads. You didn't try to gather the information that would force you to do someone else's bidding. You have nothing to apologize for."_

"They told me I needed to get rid of the rogue NID and end the war against the Goa'uld. I did neither."

_"You know if I learned something during these years. It's that there are things you need to do by yourself, and there are things you need to let other people do. We can't solve everything. It's not fair."_

"Yet, you blame yourself for something you haven't spoken about."

_"Can we not talk about it?"_

"Sure." He sighed, they were getting to a territory that could've been quicksand for their advance. So, he remained quietly watching her. Another hour and a half went by and Jack smiled. "Sam."

_"Yeah?"_

"Are you half done?" He asked.

_"Yup, I just need to post this, and I'm done."_

"Off to bed?"

_"Unless you got better plans?"_ She teased. He said nothing for a while as she worked. _"I'm done."_

"Sam?" Jack called again to get her undivided attention.

_"Yeah?"_ Sam said, finally looking at him.

"Happy birthday, my love." He whispered. She gulped. Feeling feelings after all the time. "God, it felt nice to say that to your face after all this time." Sam smiled at him. A real megawatt smile that made him melt on the spot. He cleared his throat, thinking 'no wonder Jonah remembered feeling feelings for her. It's impossible not to.'

_"It would've been better if you were here to tell me that,"_ she added a second later. A small bittersweet feeling reminding her that things weren't quite like she imagined would be by now. Unable to help herself, she yawned.

"You should get to bed. Get some rest. We can talk the day after tomorrow, or rather tomorrow night since it's tomorrow already." He said. She shook her head, amused at his flustered phrasing. "What?"

_"Nothing. Good night, Jack."_

"Night, birthday girl."

Her image was removed from his screen. Jack decided he didn't like that. He didn't like to have to say happy birthday to her while thousands of miles separated them. Not when they were so distant and lost for the past eleven years. He could learn to accept Parker. For her, she could do a lot more than loving an extension of her, right?

Jumping out of his bed. He lowered the notebook lid and hurriedly shoved the things he'd brought and needed back inside his duffle. He grabbed his keys, wallet, cellphone, and bag as he turned off everything in the cabin. Closing it, he sat behind the wheel of his truck. Deciding that it was too late to call his family to let them know he was returning to Colorado. He also knew they would understand the moment he told them why.

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

Parker had seen her mom in different states in the short duration of her life. Worried, angry, stressed, afraid, stern, and a long list of others. However, there was always something akin to the end of life as they knew it behind those.

There was a loving and caring mom she knew all too well. One that worried about her feelings and her needs. One who was there to support her no matter if she was crying because of a paper cut or when she'd ended up hospitalized. She knew her mom loved her beyond words. She also knew she wanted her mom to be happy. She wanted to see that light in her eyes that seemed to show up when she was near certain, very old looking, General. Yes, maybe she had known nothing about her mom's military career before, but she was suspicious that she was the cause of her mom leaving the USAF. Maybe her mom got pregnant and that forced her to leave everything she knew behind?

"You're silly, Parker." She mumbled. She knew there were other women in the USAF that had kids too. So why her mom would be any different?

Instead of continuing to analyze what had managed to get several hours of her sleep since they'd returned, Parker turned to the one she knew. Her mom was freaking out. There were people out in their yard setting up some tables, a tent, and some external heaters. While her mom was on the phone handling only God knew what.

"I've never seen her so nervous before," Jessica said, following Parker's eyes.

"Me neither."

The doorbell chimed. They walked to the front door, wondering what else Sam could've hired in such short notice.

"Jessica, right?" Cassie smiled brightly at them.

"Yes, Cassie?" Jessica squinted.

"Yup. Hey, Parker. My mom sends me as an offering, I guess." Cass shrugged. "Something about your mom's inherent ability to freak out and Vala's incessant skills of exaggerating things." Parker chuckled.

"She's in the back."

"Right. My mom should be right behind me. Give her half an hour or so. In the meantime, I'm supposed to distract your mom before she organizes a whole formal ball or something." Cassie heard Parker laugh as she walked to the back.

"Happy birthday, birthday girl!" Cassie cheered behind Sam's back.

"Cassie? Whatcha doing here?" Sam frowned.

"You want the fake reason or the true reason?" Cassie grinned. Sam looked at her pointedly. "Well, mom says Vala has been annoying you with the number of guests and food. So, we both thought you would be freaking out about the space. Here I am to take your mind off of it. So, whatcha freaking out about now?"

Sam looked at Cassie and wondered for a second if her background was what made it so easy for her to lower her barriers when it came to Cassandra Fraiser. Or maybe it was the fact that the girl had already figured out how to live while being the sole survivor of her entire planet. So her own stupid dwellings about who unfair life was were nothing by comparison.

"If I tell you something, would you not tell anyone?"

"Of course." Sam sucked on her lower lip for a second, before she let out a sigh.

"I'm terrified that no one will come." She whispered so low that Cassie had issues hearing it. "I think I've scared everyone away. So, no one will come. Not even for the free food or booze, as Vala says." Cassie gave her a reassuring smile and grabbed one of Sam's fidgeting hands.

"Hey, we will be here. No matter who else comes or who doesn't. You'll always have us. Maybe we're at a rocky place now, but it won't last forever. Trust me. I know all about rocky places myself."

Sam gave her a half-smile. "Thanks, Cassie, I think I needed to hear that."


	85. Chapter 85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's party!! :P

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

It was a while before they had been left alone. The caterers were ready to serve anywhere from ten to a hundred people. The tables were set. Despite the snow, the outside was almost as cozy as the inside. Sam had decided that everything looked ready enough, but it was Parker, the one that pulled her to her room, so she would finally get ready.

The doorbell chimed as she was finishing her light make-up. She applied the last touches and grabbed a pair of earrings. She nodded to Parker that she was getting the door. Clasping her earrings, she opened the door wide enough. A smile like Parker hadn't seen in a long time blossomed on Sam's lips.

"Jnerd!" She greeted.

"Grand Empress!" He let out a whistle. "Hot damn, you are looking hotter by the day," he grinned charmingly.

"Don't mind him. I'm pretty sure he's told you all about how he wants to set me up with someone, hasn't he?" Sam said to the woman in his arms.

"Oh, yeah. You must be Sam, right?"

"You must be Erin. Please come in."

"Uncle Jordan!" Parker greeted him. He was the only other adult that was somewhat a constant in her life, after their first meeting not so long ago.

"P! You're looking taller. I bet you're smarter too. I'm telling ya, Erin. This girl will have both of us out of business before she turns eighteen."

They were moving towards the back when the doorbell went off again. Sam took a deep breath. "Why is she worried?" Jordan asked to P, who simply shrugged as an answer.

Janet, Teal'c, and Cassie were waiting on the other side. Something that seemed to lift some weight off of Sam's shoulders.

"Guys, this is Jordan and his girlfriend Erin. Jordan is the one that helped me with the companies." Sam said. They looked at him, wondering what exactly that meant in the grand scheme of things.

"Hi, I'm…"

"Doctor Janet Fraiser. Lt. Colonel too," Jordan grinned, offering his hand. "You must be Teal'c Murray, a contractor for the USAF."

"I'm Cassie."

"Yes, Cassandra Fraiser. MD., We spoke on the phone when she was knocked out," He said, nodding towards Sam. Then he leaned in conspiratorially. "We were surprised when you retired from the USAF after finishing your degree," Jordan whispered. Sam blushed.

"He helped me… A lot." Sam grimaced.

"Don't let her fool you. I was always light-years behind her. I mean, I've known her since what? 2001?" Sam nodded in agreement. "God, I didn't know about Parker until three years ago. Sometimes I wonder how she managed all that while having a kid to care for too." Sam's eyes widened as the trio turned to look at her. Thankfully, the doorbell allowed her to get out of an explanation she didn't want to give.

"I'm sorry," Jordan mouthed, noticing he had let his mouth run. She nodded dismissively.

Sam blinked several times once she got the door opened. She truly didn't expect the crew on the other side. It was all the techs she'd worked closely with back in the days. The ones she truly didn't expect to show up due to the blatant disregard of the regulations that it would be. But here they were, showing her they trusted she wouldn't throw the book at them.

"Vala said we could come?" Walter smiled.

"Yes, of course. Come in. There's food, drinks, and places to sit outside." The techs that came alone moved to the back while Walter shuffled his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. The woman in his arms looking at Sam with something akin to hope.

"Congratulations, ma'am." She said.

"Thanks." Back in the day, Sam would've known what to ask to make some small talk. Now, she just grinned awkwardly. The woman then elbowed Walter for him to react.

"Ah, yeah. Congratulations ma'am." Walter added. "This is my wife, Savannah."

"Nice to meet you."

"Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine. Walter talked about you so much back then, that I was jealous of you. I guess I should still be jealous."

"Not at all, Walter's a good man. I'm the one who should be jealous." Sam offered politely. "Please, enjoy yourselves." She said. Sam felt Janet's eyes on her. "What?" she asked the moment they were alone.

"I'm trying to understand you. I don't think I'll ever will." Janet stated.

"What's there to understand?" Sam wondered.

"That you never told the guy that worked for you and with you to get you back that you had a daughter. That you never mentioned Parker to us. You don't really talk about her like other mothers do. Yet, Jordan speaks of you in the same way we used to. Then, I just heard you being… Well…" she waved at her. "You… In front of a complete stranger. I guess… You, the one who was my best friend, is hiding somewhere in there. Somewhere that so far, despite both our efforts, I could not reach. It's… puzzling."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Janet," Sam sighed. Janet flinched as she noticed the walls being quickly raised. "I've changed. Haven't we all?"

"Yeah, I guess we have," Janet gave her a sad albeit knowing smile. The door chimed in then. "Want me to get that for you?"

"That'd be awesome, thanks. I need some water." Sam said, although what she needed was some space.

By the time Vala and Daniel showed up, an hour after the original invite. Her house was almost too full. The crowd included two sets of parents of Parker's best friends, who were mingling together. Sam didn't worry about Jordan. She knew that guy had enough experience talking to anyone. She didn't worry about the conversation that people from the SGC would have. Since they too had a lot of experience keeping work at work.

The doorbell went off once more. Yet, she couldn't think of anyone else who could get to her party at that point. She thought it could be the neighbors wondering about the noise. Then she snorted at her silliness. She'd made sure to buy out the two houses on each side and tore them down. So, unless it was the one in front of them. She shook her head and opened the door.

"Jack…" she whispered. Her heart skipping a beat.

"Happy birthday," he whispered back. Placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I thought you weren't coming."

"I told you I'd try." He shrugged. "May I come in?"

"Yes. Of course." She shook her head, noticing she was blocking him from entering.

"My parents send you birthday greetings," Jack said. He kept to himself the other words they'd said about how he should bring her back home for the New Year's. Along with all the messages and calls he had got from his siblings about some more graphic things they should do for her birthday. Except for Shannon, who had just laughed and told him. 'Don't do anything I wouldn't, and you know my limits are _very_ low.'

As he shook his head while he was getting rid of his coat, he spotted Parker Carter watching them closely from the side. The giggling girls beside her sounded like they were around her age. He frowned, somehow she looked older than he remembered. Shaking his head, he remembered Shannon's last advice and his own desire to fix his relationship with Sam.

"Hi, Parker." Jack greeted.

"Sir General Jack," P grinned. "I thought we wouldn't see you here tonight."

"I wouldn't miss this for anything," Jack said. Sam almost melted on the spot, from the truth she heard in his words. "How are you tonight, Miss Parker?"

"Excellent!"

"Are you having another pajama party after this?" He wondered.

"No, not this time. It's my mom's birthday! We have traditions." Parker grinned. Jack was blinded by what he knew was a Carter smile. That for Sam looked so much like Jack's. "Mom said it was okay to get some friends over for the party." P shrugged.

"That's very nice of her," Jack said. Sam's heartbeat went wild at the sweet exchange. She could almost imagine Parker accepting Jack as her father and Jack taking over his role. Spending the rest of their lives as the family they were. Parker giggled and disappeared, leaving them alone by the entrance.

"Everyone is outside," Sam said. Clearing her throat and bringing herself out of her wishful thinking.

"I'm not here to see everyone." Jack pointed out in a husky voice. Sam blushed again. "Are you ready to face them?"

"Kinda, I can't avoid them forever, right?" She grimaced.

"Right. Walk with me?" Jack grinned. Without a doubt, Sam did.

Jordan found his way to the group they were in faster than Sam thought possible. Although, it wasn't surprising for her. "General O'Neill!" He greeted Jack as if he'd known him from all his life. Jack frowned.

"Mr. Craig," Jack said a bit coldly.

"So, you know each other?" Janet asked, confused.

"We met during the trials," Jack explained.

"And a bit before that too," Jordan nodded. "I kinda ended up at Cheyenne once. We met then, but I was young and stupid… I'm still stupid if you must know." His girlfriend giggled.

"Nice shindig, Carter. A lot more fancier than I expected." Jack said to change subjects as he looked around.

"Yes. We had to throw it all together in a bit of a rush. After Vala confirmed she'd invited quite a few people."

"I told you people would come," Vala shrugged, but beamed at them.

Sam didn't know how, but twenty minutes later, she became the center spot. As people cheered a happy birthday and a cake made its appearance in front of her. She'd never felt so comfortable and ill at ease at the same time. So, after that, she had to make an escape.

Walking into the house, she excused herself for a bathroom break. She splashed some cold water on her face. While trying not to mess up her not so fancy makeup. She chuckled. Sam was sure no one else considered mascara, liner, and lipstick a makeup, but it was that and a light shade on her cheeks. She checked that everything had remained intact before she started her way back out.

Siler was in her living room looking anxious. "Siler? Everything okay?" She asked. The man blushed.

"Ma'am." He said, extending his closed hand. Taking a deep breath, he opened it and showed her a key. Sam frowned in confusion. "This is yours."

"I'm sure I would notice if I'd lost a key, Siler," Sam said.

"Maybe you forgot all about it, ma'am. I haven't. It's time for your Indian to get back to its rightful owner." He said, giving her a small smile.

"Wait, you're giving me a bike for my birthday?" Sam asked. Touched and confused at the same time.

"I'm returning it, ma'am. I was honored when I found out you entrusted it to me. I took good care of it, just like I know you would. It's parked at the SGC. I didn't know if you would have space to keep it here." He shrugged. "Maybe we can figure out how to get her here, once the weather isn't so bad."

"Siler… That bike… It's yours." She said. He shook his head no.

"It's yours, ma'am. Even if it was mine for a few years. I'm sure the papers have been canceled out or something like that once you weren't dead anymore." He shrugged. "As I've said, I took good care of it, and now it should be back to you. Happy birthday, ma'am."

"I truly don't get it, Siler. Why are you giving me my old bike for my birthday?"

"Truth is, I was going to return it sooner. I haven't found the right moment until now," he shrugged. "Sorry, if I'm blunt, but you can be as scary as General O'Neill if you want to be, ma'am." Sam chuckled at that.

"I can be that bad, huh?"

"Well, you've gone through plenty. I think there's still some part of the woman we knew somewhere underneath it all. Maybe sometime soon you might trust in us enough to let those parts of her out again," he shrugged. "When you do, you won't be so scary anymore. Please, take it."

"Siler… I can't." Sam shook her head and closed his hand around the key again. He fought it and managed to place the key in her hand, closing his hand over hers.

"Ma'am. You might now have an idea of what I felt when you decided to leave it to me."

She felt surprised, thankful, and an overwhelming unworthiness.

"Siler, wait!" He stopped. "Did you feel unworthy of it?" He frowned.

"No, ma'am. I felt proud that you would entrust me with something so valuable to you." She walked to him and placed the key in his pocket.

"Then you deserve it more than I do. Though I would love to take a ride on it when the weather gets nice." She said. As she patted his shoulder, leaving him dumbfounded in her living room.

Jack, who had been witness to the exchange, smiled. Maybe there was some hope after all.

Another half an hour passed by. Even though there was still food and booze left, people started to leave. Jordan and his girlfriend left, too. Sam knew he'd call her in the morning, just to see how it had gone with 'General piece of hunk'.

Soon, it was just SG-1, Cassie and Jack. Sam had excused herself for a moment, to get Parker upstairs to get ready for bed.

"She looked a bit more like her old self tonight, didn't she?" Cassie asked. As they all followed her with their gaze.

"I guess not everything's lost," Janet said.

"Indeed, it's not." Teal'c agreed.

"She asked for her retirement," Jack announced out of the blue.

"What?!"

"It seems she wanted to be let out by the beginning of the year," Jack sighed. "They didn't give it to her."

"How do you know?" Janet asked with a frown.

"Hayes," Jack shrugged. "He told me they'd already lost too many years of her career to have her resigning her commission now. That even if they aren't letting her quit, I should try to convince her not to. Something about telling her that retirement isn't a good idea after all. "

"Well, you do have some experience with retirement." Daniel grinned.

"Does she know you know?" Cassie wondered.

"I don't think so. I guess I'll have to tell her at some point."

"Do you know when it happened?" Daniel asked. His brain wheels turning quickly as he thought back to what he had seen.

"At the end of November," Jack said. "I don't know any dates. Her file doesn't go through my office." He shrugged.

"The end of November, you say?" Jack nodded. He didn't know Daniel had seen her having lunch with a man around that time. That the man had entered her house, and how his hand had hovered on the lower part of her back.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh, nothing," Daniel said. Pushing his glasses up and looking up towards the place where the door was opening. Sam was just walking back outside.

"Sam! I hope you had a wonderful evening. But, I… Vala and I have to go."

"We have to go?" Vala asked.

"Yeah. You know there's that thing, you know, that I have in the morning."

"Right… That thing. Daniel, if you want to have sex, all you have to do is say so. We're all adults here after all." Vala grinned mischievously, making Daniel blush.

"Do you need help to pick up this mess?" Janet asked.

"No, there's a cleaning crew coming tomorrow morning. They'll also pick up the heathers and the tent. I'm fine if you all want to go now."

She walked them to the front door. Where they all quickly made their way out, leaving only Jack behind. He grinned.

"They never were good at this kind of set-ups… Were they?" Sam asked, a small smile on her face.

"No," he searched her hands and gave them a small squeeze. "I hope you had a great birthday, Sam," He said. Placing a kiss on the corner of her mouth. "Good night."

"Good night," she whispered back as she let him go. She watched him drive off before she closed the door. She didn't know for sure how long she remained against the door. Soon she shook her head, needing to check on Parker.

"Hey, mom. Are we ready to sleep?" She asked. Already comfortably taking over half of Sam's bed.

"Almost. I'll be back soon. I need to clean some stuff that's out there. I just needed a jacket so I can turn off all those heaters."

"Cool. I'll be here." Parker grinned. "Huh, Mom?"

"Yes, P?"

"Did you have a nice time?"

"Yes. It was a long time since the last time I had a birthday party."

"Since before I was born?" P asked. Sam walked to the bed.

"P… It's not your fault," She said, caressing her face softly. "It never was your fault."

"Are you sure about it?" Parker questioned, chewing her lip.

"Yes. Now, I'll be back soon. Don't wait for me up, if you want to sleep already."

"You are kidding, right?" She grinned as Sam placed a kiss on her forehead and walked towards the door. "Mom, you want some help?"

"No, keep the bed warm for me, will ya?"

"Yeah, sure, you betcha!" Sam stopped dead in her tracks when she heard that coming from Parker's mouth. There was nothing she could say or ask that wouldn't attract too much attention if she questioned about where she'd picked that up from. So, she simply let it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know... it's not what you thought it would be xD


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For you, guys, who can't stop reading because you *need* your happy ending, but you would've if there was one.
> 
> \-- For those of you who want to keep dealing with the angst.... you can skip this chapter completely. --

**Chapter 86**

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

Jack had been the last of them to leave. Just as he rounded the corner, he knew he had to go back. He wasn't sure what he was hoping for, but he knew what he wanted. Her. He wanted her.

He'd managed to convince himself that if he had her. The dislike he had for Parker not being his would fade in the background. She would become the daughter he'd always wanted.

Maybe Parker would gain a rather old but still somewhat likable old man. He knew by Janet's experience with Cassie (and his own) that sometimes blood wasn't as much of a need to fully love someone and help them grow.

So, he parked his truck outside her house. It was already dark and quiet, safe for the soft tunes of a song that came from the backyard. He followed the sounds and found her cleaning up the remnants of the night by the light of one heater that was still turned on.

His heart skipped a beat. By the way she stopped moving, he knew she knew he was there. She turned around, a soft smile gracing her features.

"Jack," she whispered so softly. That he only caught it because his eyes were fixed on her lips.

"Sam…" he sighed.

No one knew who moved first, but they were clinging to each other before they could even realize they were. It was _home_. It was so different from the previous nights and yet so damn similar. It was arms that encircled them even though they were both so broken. Strength was flowing between them, even if they never voiced the request.

It was their love.

That thing that had grown between bad jokes shared at faraway campfires. Screams of pain and surviving torture, alone but together. Strengthened by the knowledge that the other one would be there, outside, waiting for them to return. To try to soothe what it was impossible to quell by a torn embrace in the dark when the pain was beyond excruciating. When everything was so forbidden and yet impossible to stop.

That thing that had blossomed in a week, under needy touches and brusque lovemaking. Springing to new heights with their touches. Growing in richness as lips moved along at bruising speed. Trying to learn what before was out of reach. Trying to grasp on to every bittersweet moment that would lead them to a future that was beyond uncertain. Where the only truth was they would be alone to face it, for the first time in years.

That thing that somehow was keeping them alive as minutes became hours, and hours years that went by under their belts. Making them sour and bitter, yet still able to keep a facade that showed them as neither but the tough people they supposedly were.

"Wanna dance?" He asked. As the soft tones of a song -their song- sounded in the background of her house, his house… What should've been their home and wasn't. He stretched out his hand and undoubtfully she took it, because what else could she do? Except take the chance to finally confide in this wonderful man that somehow, despite it all, loved her. She had no chance to reject him. She might be self-doubting, but she was no fool. She knew that no matter how unlucky she thought she was. He was beyond the jackpot in her life. He was all she wanted and so much more.

"Jack…" She whispered as her body collapsed against his. His warmth spreading through her body, igniting every fiber of her being. Reminding her that she was alive, and well… And that he was there, with her. Growing old…

Her hand found the nape of his neck, as his found the small of her back. There was one question that remained. There was something that bothered her. One thing she hadn't managed to bring herself to ask before.

Parker… Where would Parker fall in this _thing,_ they were seemingly developing? When he seemed not to want to know anything about her at all.

"Yes?" He almost hummed in her ear. She shivered.

"Why don't you like Parker? Why don't you care about her?" She wondered. Feeling strong enough to ask him, but not enough to read the answer on his face. He took a deep, shaky breath.

"It's not that I don't like her, Sam." He whispered. His breath caressing her cheek. "It's that she's not mine." Sam stopped moving, a deep frown on her forehead and an utterly confused expression on her face.

"What do you mean?" She inquired. He took a deep breath. He had feared the day she'd ask. He had a certain amount of apprehension. That she, one day, would figure out that despite liking the girl, he also despised her for not being his. But he didn't see the anger in her expression.

"I would love her if she was mine, but she isn't… And I'm so sorry she is not."

"I really don't understand."

"It's all right, Sam. I understand that you had needs. That you are young enough to want to search for some company. I won't hang that over your head."

"I think you're utterly mistaken, Jack… I haven't been with anyone but you…. Not since 2001. Not since we got married." She whispered. He frowned.

"You mean…"

"That's your daughter, Jack. Parker is yours…"

"Oh God," It was his turn to stop dead in his tracks. "She's…"

"Yes, of course. She couldn't be anyone else's Jack." He looked at Sam, and brought her close, almost too close. Hugging her tightly. Feeling the parts of his broken heart melding together just by being close to her. Even faster now, that they would have a family. A real family for themselves, albeit eleven years too late.

"I have a daughter," He stated in an unbelieving whisper.

"Yes. Wait, it's that why you were so angry with me?" She asked. The final piece of their puzzle finally coming together in her mind.

"Yeah," He said, and shook his head. Then he chuckled. His laugh becoming contagious until they were both laughing at their own stupidity. "God, it would have been so much easier if we'd this conversation way before," Jack added and pulled her close again.

The music changed into a different song. They swayed again. His hand found hers and brought it over to his heart. Her free hand found the nape of his neck and his the small of her back. They were so close that they seemed to be only one being swaying with the wind.

"Why didn't you say something?" He whispered.

"I thought… You got my file… I thought Davis might've told you about her. That day when you came by… I thought you already went through my file. That you were coming to meet her. But you rushed away so fast. Then I also thought you were avoiding reading it. I thought, after seeing her, you would go through my file or just calculate it back. I thought you would know that I could never betray you, no matter how impossible it seemed. I assumed so much. I guess it cost us so much," She sighed. "When you got so angry with me… I thought you had gotten mad that I had kept her from you. Even after we'd met before and I could've told you about her. I got all these excuses ready, as for the reasons you never asked about her. I never thought… Not even in my wildest dreams, that you never considered her yours."

"Still, why didn't you tell me back then? You never mentioned her, not even at the Prometheus…"

"And risk you? And risk her? I knew my chances, Jack. I would never put more pain on your shoulders if I could avoid it. I knew that if you knew about her, you would drive yourself even crazier while trying to come up with a way to get me back. Knowing what I did at that time, I knew you didn't have one chance. I knew that telling you about her would only create more pain for you. That wouldn't help at all. Why didn't you ask before?" She asked then. Being more than willing to take the blame for not telling him. To have Jack thinking, Parker belonged to someone else.

"I thought… I couldn't deal with her not being mine. I thought you would've told me if you had gotten… If we had a child on the way. That you would've said so when we met, but you didn't. You never mentioned her at all."

"God, what a couple of fools can we be." She shook her head. He raised his hand to his neck and pulled out his dog tags. She saw it, but she couldn't believe her eyes as they caught the shimmering blue rock that hung from his. He let go, only to kneel in front of her.

"Will you commit to spending the rest of your life with this fool?" He asked. Untangling her ring from his dog tags and freeing his own that laid beside it. She dropped herself to the ground, fishing for her own chain. Unlocking the ring that she had a hold on to for dear life.

"Will you commit to spending the rest of your life with this stupid, stupid woman? Even when she has a lot of issues in her head that need to be dealt with?" She asked back.

"Only if you help me deal with mine. Sam, I'm not any better than you at dealing with stuff. I'm as much of a screw-up as you think you are."

"It won't be an easy path, Jack. We will need to be open and honest… I'm not sure I can be those things all the time."

"Me neither, but I'm willing to try." She smiled then, a bright smile that finally reached her eyes.

"Always?" She asked. As she grabbed his ring from his hand and slid it on his finger.

"Always." He agreed. Sliding her rings onto hers.

Feeling observed, they both looked up. Only to find one Parker Carter staring at them from the window. Sam blushed and waved for Parker to join them before she stood up and helped Jack stand.

"I'm sorry, mommy. I was just curious because you were taking so long," Parker said, excusing her actions. Not quite raising her eyes to meet her mom's.

"P… I need you to meet someone." Sam said, raising P's face enough to read her eyes. Parker sighed.

"Okay…" The girl let out and looked around. Confused when she saw no one else. "Where…?" Sam nodded towards Jack. "But I already know Sir General Jack."

"Yes, but do you know your father?" Sam asked. Parker's eyes widened comically. Utterly taken aback by the confession. It was said in such a steady and loving way that P knew it was the truth.

"You're…" She asked. Looking from her mom to… to her dad… before she jumped to embrace him. "No wonder you felt like a haven." She mumbled when Jack lowered himself on the ground to be at the right height.

"No wonder you felt like home." He answered back.

"So, what happens now?" Parker asked, not letting go of Jack's embrace but raising her eyes to her mom.

"Now, we start living, P. Now we start living."

**Monday, December 31, 2012**

Jack parked his truck in front of his parent's house and turned around to watch his ladies. He smiled. Both of them were covered with thick parkas to keep themselves warm in the unforgiving weather of his little town.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked Sam. "You know how loud this will be." She smiled, blinding him with her happiness.

"I wouldn't have them any other way." She said. "P?"

"I can't wait!" The girl shouted. She was eager to meet the rest of her family. She was nervous and yet, she was so excited that it would not be just her and her mom against the world anymore. That even if there were some bad guys still running around. She had also a dad that could come protect her if the need was raised.

They walked down. The house was already loud and vibrating with the joy of the holiday. Sam searched his hand, feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, but braving it, nonetheless. She was done hiding. She was done fighting with her head.

Both of them had agreed to start seeing McKenzie, both individually and together. They understood there was no other way, but to deal with the mess of the years away. If they wanted to be properly happy, they needed to put the work in. If they wanted to put the past to rest, they needed help.

The door opened. A shouted "Oh, my god!" Followed, and then a pull. They didn't even know what the heck was going on as they were pushed inside.

"They're here!" Harper shouted. Parker looked terrified, but her dad's reassuring squeeze told her everything would be all right.

"Guys! Guys!" Jack shouted, managing to get all of their attention. "This is Parker. Parker…" he said, kneeling to her side. "Those are your grandpa and grandma, and your aunties…" he continued as he introduced her to his large family.

It was surprising, really. How silent the room was as they watched Jack introduce each of them to his girl. The one that thanks to Shannon they all know were an O'Neill. The one they all knew Jack had dreaded. It wasn't until her eyes fell on Connor that Parker relaxed.

"It would seem as if you never saw an O'Neill kid before…" Connor said.

With his words, the world became loud again. And as Parker was moved along the groups and hugged tightly. Soon feeling quite at home with them.

Jack had found a place to sit. His hand found Sam's as he pulled her to sit on his lap.

The world was far from perfect, but it was theirs… Everything that would come afterward, they could tackle…

Together.

Always.

**THE END. (of Chapter 86- AU ;) )**

**A/N: If a happy ending is what drove you here… Then thank you for joining me on this journey. If the angst is to be too much to bear… I would recommend you stop right here. It can only get worse before it can get better… Now, if angst is your thing… Go on… But please, stop telling me it's too angsty, or too long (I'm perfectly aware of both)… I'm only holding the door opened, I'm not pushing you to read this through….**

**With that out of the way…**

In an alternate reality, somewhere out there… That was exactly what happened. They figured out by embracing that the pieces can fall together, and things need only to be spoken. That wishes are granted and that if it's up to you… Well, the universe will respond kindly.

But truthfully, people who fight their own minds don't heal this easily. They don't heal alone, even if they try. They don't seek out help because they believe themselves to be past the point of getting out. They don't search for help because they're the ones usually holding everything together to keep others going.

Because they've always had to be the strong one.

Sam and Jack were always the strong ones… And they knew there was a deep unspoken truth about people like themselves….

The strong ones break harder…

And in this Sam and Jack reality, life did have a knack to find new ways to test them. To break them… Until there was nothing else left but to cry out for help… Which believe it or not... It is the lowest step in the downfall of the strongest ones among us.

Resilience… You'll see…. It's not something you're born with, but something that's forged into you. With each excruciating test that life throws at you. Being resilient, like Sam and Jack are….

Being resilient hurts.


	87. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are here, welcome back to Chapter 86! As promised… we're back in chapter 1.. kinda… To have you all on the same page(?) we are completely ignoring the previous chapter. So, you might want to get back to Chapter 85, and then jump to this one.
> 
> Above all….
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 86**

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

Everyone was gone by that time of the night, even himself. How badly he'd struggled all this time with having her so close and yet so far away. But Jack knew they all needed time despite being apart for so long. They needed time to adjust to this life with Samantha Carter back with them.

The two days of video calls had helped him a great deal. Yet, he knew Sam didn't smile as often as she did before. She was far more taciturn than they remembered. She spoke little with the others and even less about herself. That was also true way back then on those few days she was called back to active duty.

After her return, they all wondered where she'd been, what had happened to her. They all were giving her time out of the respect she'd always commanded.

Somehow this Samantha Carter was also a Brigadier General and in command of the SGC. He knew Hayes had a lot to do with it. The man wasn't disclosing his reasons or the way he'd managed that. Jack also knew she wasn't proud of that advancement. That for some reason, she thought she wasn't deserving of it. Her own reluctance to display her medals and anything related to her supposedly long military career. Had generated some distrust among the people who never knew her. The fact that Daniel had shouted that she'd climbed the ladder by bedding commander officers hadn't helped her case. There still were people who loved her, working inside the mountain, and every one of them were willing to give her a chance.

With little thought, he turned around and headed back to the familiar and yet so different house. He parked his truck in her driveway, right next to her SUV. Then he walked around the house, toward the garden where he hoped she'd still be.

He found her there, in the uncovered part of the backyard, covered in a warm coat and wearing winter boots with her dress. A trash bag in one hand and some plastic cups in the other made her whole outfit strange, to say the least. The heaters nearby were all turned off by then. She was standing close to a table that lingered under the tent, but she was outside. Her eyes lost on the moon.

Jack checked around and found no one. A soft melody was heard in the background. He didn't see her kid lingering inside or even close by. It made sense, he thought, as he glanced at his watch. It was late, and she'd excused herself to send Parker to bed earlier. Most likely her kid was asleep by now.

She'd felt his gaze on her. Jack knew this by the way she'd taken a step back towards the table. How she'd lowered the trash bag to the ground, not before having thrown the plastic cups inside it. Then she'd squared her shoulders. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with her, and he was sure she wanted the same. After all, they'd danced this dance not so long ago when Shannon had come visiting.

Jack walked to her, stopping behind her back. She held her breath, most likely getting herself ready for what was about to come. He didn't want the frenzied sex they seemed to be so good at using to relate or hide. Not after the calls, not while knowing there was much more than it met the eye.

"Wanna dance with an old man?" He whispered to her back. She turned around, looking surprised and half-amused.

"You aren't old! Besides, if you are, so am I." she pointed out. He chuckled.

"I don't see any gray hair coming out of your head, Carter." She rolled her eyes at him, but when he extended his hand, she took it without a doubt.

It surprised neither when they fit perfectly together. How her hand fell comfortably over his shoulders and her fingers played with the little hairs at his nape. How his hand spread perfectly over the curve of her back. Or how they could define home with the feeling that their linked hands placed above his heart send shivering down both bodies. It was this that they had been searching for, but struggling to ask for. So instead they'd fucked each other senseless.

Sam sighed, lowering her head to the crook of his neck. He took the opportunity to breathe her in. Her smell assaulting all his senses. It had been so long since he'd had a chance to hold her like this… They moved softly, entangled together for a while. Swaying slowly, not speaking. Afraid that if they did, the perfect moment would break. Terrified that they'd screw it up somehow.

Neither of them knew how long it was. The deep sigh that Jack left out what had her searching his eyes.

"Can you tell me something, Sam?" She took another deep breath.

"Yeah?" she whispered. As they still moved to the silence of the night.

"Why you called her Parker?" she frowned. That wasn't at all what she thought he would ask. Maybe now he finally wanted to know more about their daughter. Still, she struggled with the idea of announcing to the world that they shared a kid. "I mean, I heard your deposition. I know you were called Parker at some point…"

Sam saw him waiting for an answer. Giving her time to find the words or refuse if she chose to. "Because Parker saved me. Parker's one reason I could be here today," she smiled. Her glance never leaving his eyes.

"What do you mean? You weren't thinking of..." he wondered.

He'd thought about it. About taking his own life so many times. Knowing if he did, she'd never had a chance, prevented him from doing it. Maybe the kid did the same for her? She avoided his eyes for a second.

"If I never became Parker Bennet, I never would have managed half of the things I did," she said cryptically. Ignoring his last comment.

"Parker Bennet," Jack moved his head to look at her. "The name suits you. So… What did she do? You know… That Sam Carter couldn't?"

"Did you ever think the government would find the NID rogues?"

"No…" He shook his head. "I'd be surprised if they did without the help you gave them."

"I didn't believe they could either," she said. "Parker Bennet was barely the third woman I became, out of a lengthy list of people. She was the most important one by far. She met someone that changed the game for me," she said.

They both noticed that the music had stopped, but they continued moving in a rhythm of their own. One they'd found on their wedding day while they danced surrounded by his family. When things were simpler, and yet still awfully complex.

"How so?" he frowned.

"He never mentioned knowing me, but it turns out he knew who I was the moment he saw my code. He told me years later that he believed I'd come forward at some point." She grinned at the surprisingly fond memories. Jack frowned. "He was a substantial help during this entire time. He likes you too, by the way."

"He likes me. He knows me?" Jack asked, feeling more confused than at the start. Sam chuckled, that rich deep chuckle of hers. The one that sent shivers down his spine and ignited nerve endings, he thought he had long lost.

"Yes. He does. I've sent him your way before. You also tried to use him to find me." She pointed out, and he realized who she was talking about.

"That kid…. Jordan?" Sam nodded once. "How could he be so important?"

"Because he believed in me when I didn't. Without knowing it. He gave me the kick in the ass I needed. To start moving what I wasn't moving." Sam said.

"Geez, you're worse than me at this cryptic chat," he shook his head, amused. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"Nah. I'm good. I've had plenty of time to process every single minute of being away. I still don't know how to voice it or deal with the results of it in my present life," she smiled self-deprecatingly. "Truth is, I'm pissed at myself for taking so long."

"You're preaching to the choir here, Sam."

"We shouldn't dwell, anyway. It's not like we aren't dancing together now." She said as she gulped for air. She didn't know why, but she was willing to let more things out, now that she was in the safety of his arms. Maybe this was what Connor meant. "When I was Parker, I ended up working in the same company Jordan was at. He was a techie, and they assigned him to me for a project. One night, he said I was too good at coding. I should just ditch them and open my own software company and take him with me."

"Which you did." Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, but if he hadn't said that. It would've taken me a lot longer to figure out how to get funds to do what I needed to do."

"What was that?"

"Getting out of the program." She said another frown marred his face.

"I know I asked why you left before, but now, it seems by the third name you already wanted an out."

"I never felt comfortable. Still, I was with the program for years, Jack. It only proved to me that something was off. Too many names, too many failures. It looked like they wanted me found. As I've mentioned before, my handler also had her fears. So, I found a way to ditch them. I knew they were still trying to find me. I knew if I wanted to come back, I needed to expose them," she took a deep breath.

"Years later, I found someone willing to help me with the legal part, and here I am. I fought for so long to get myself back. That I didn't even stop to think about how I wasn't the same anymore. How you would have changed. How distant I am now from everyone I love and once loved me back," she grimaced. Some tears fell out of her eyes. "I never thought it would be so difficult to be me again."

"Oh, Sam," he whispered, bringing her closer. "We all love you."

"I know… It's just so awkward now. You love me but you have no idea who I am. Sometimes, I wonder if I know me at all. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't better if I'd remained in the dark. As dead as you all thought I was."

He stopped moving. Looking at her in the eyes and untangled himself from her embrace. "Don't say that! Please, don't," he pleaded with tearful eyes. "We never believed you were gone. We tried for years and found no one who could fill your shoes. Sam, we couldn't let you go. I never could let you go." He whispered.

"Jack… I…." He stopped her from talking, placing a finger over her lips. As he did, his other hand went under the collar of his shirt. He took his dog tags off his neck and unclasped the chain. Between his tags, the blue rock of her engagement ring shone brightly under the lights. She gasped.

"I held onto it, because I couldn't let you go. I can't let you go, Sam. You've always been the one for me." Jack confessed. He placed the ring on his hand and shoved his tags into his pants pockets. He gave her a self-deprecating smile. "Is it really a surprise that I couldn't?"

She shook her head and closed her eyes. More tears found a way out. He took her hand in his and slid the ring on her finger slowly.

"Still perfect," he whispered. She gasped for air.

"You don't get it, Jack. I'm not the one you love." She said grimly. "I'm not even close to the one you loved anymore."

He cleaned her tears, using the pad of his thumbs while she embraced herself protectively. Jack took one step closer, his hand finding her back again and pushing her close to him. She shivered. Her body's response to him was still as alive as it had been on day one.

Desire clouded her eyes at the show of possessiveness and the way his body reacted to her. Pupils dilated, lips parted, hearts beating wildly in their ears. They couldn't move. Lips inches away and yet so far apart. Completely different from the raw need they'd shared before.

Breath mingling together in a bittersweet reminiscence of what once had, of who they were once.

"You've always been the smart one, Sam," he said. Placing a strand of hair behind her ear. "So, tell me you don't want us. Tell me that what I'm seeing is not the truth. Tell me we can't work it out, and I'll walk away."

"I…" another tear fell. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm not sure I am the one you want," she said. Jack didn't flinch but gave her a sad smile.

"I know who you are, Sam. I'm not worried about that. The question that scares me is… Do you still want me? Am I still good enough for you?"

She couldn't answer, instead, she licked her lips. Seeing that had taken the last restraint he had. He'd waited long enough before he'd claimed those lips for the first time. And almost twelve years happened before he'd had a chance to try to claim them again.

She could say she wasn't herself anymore, but he couldn't care the less. Learning who she was now could be a fun part of their new journey. He wouldn't let any chance escape him if this was what he needed to do to convince her. So… He kissed her.

If they were honest to themselves. It surprised neither of them when she answered his kiss with the same old passion that busted through the seams whenever their lips collided. Nor it was surprising, how his hands fell onto her back, bringing her impossibly close. Or how her hands fell on his neck, urging him to go deeper, to consume all of her.

If their tangled hands had felt like home. The kiss felt like arriving home, battered and bruised after an awful storm.

It was perfect and so different from the few harsh stolen kisses they'd shared in the dark of the stolen night. They relished on savoring it, healing from it.

Until something crashed inside the house and they broke apart. Only to find a horrified Parker staring at them from the inside.

"Fuck, Parker!" Sam said with widened eyes. "God, this isn't happening!" She shook her head. She looked at her hand, the ring shining on her finger. Then back to the house. Her heart fighting between the two loves of her life. Who needed her more? She thought. The man who'd lived without her for the past twelve years. Or the girl who'd known only her, her entire life?

The choice wasn't so hard. And yet, it was awfully painful. She slid the ring off of her finger and placed it on Jack's hand.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" she cracked out. Tears were a full cry now, as she turned away and rushed inside.

What she didn't know was that Parker was scared, because she'd dropped one of the few things her mom claimed to love. A vase that belonged to Samantha Carter's mom and had been in the family for generations. One that her mom had just retrieved from wherever it was hidden before she was born. Parker didn't know how her clumsiness had created a breach between her own parents.

Jack stood outside, the ring burning his hand. Feeling how his life had shattered into a million pieces. Wondering, not for the first time, what he'd done to deserve a life filled with so much pain and despair.

He walked away. Head cast down, hands deep in his pocket, squeezing the ring tightly. He shook his head. Maybe she was right, and he was better off walking away from her. Not that he wanted to, but she had just pushed him to it.

"She has a daughter, Jack. What would you do in her place?"

He was so consumed in his own despair. That he didn't notice as Sam came rushing out of the house seconds later, only to find him driving away.

**The end(?)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Way back on May 8th… I forwarded this chapter to Loverustal (my friend and beta). This was intended as a bittersweet end to a bitter story.  
> She told me she'll kill me if I ended it here. So… For some unforeseeable reason, suddenly, I felt compelled not to end it here… Can't imagine why…  
> From here… bring a package of Kleenex and maybe wine, ice cream… oh, we take bribes? And yes... there is a happy ending for this.


	88. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be on the safe side and not trigger anyone... There are thoughts of self-harm towards the end of this chapter.

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

Sam rushed inside. All the thoughts about what had just happened in the garden forgotten as she crossed the door to find her daughter. To fix what she knew was broken. It was funny, she thought, that she found a broken vase lying in thousands of pieces on the floor. It was the perfect image of how she felt inside. She couldn't try to fix herself any more than she could try to fix that vase. Not when Parker was looking petrified in place.

She hadn't seen Parker this afraid, since she was seven. When somehow Sam had found herself a stalker. The man had found a way to follow them home. She had to explain to Parker back then, that the guy thought he liked her and was trying to be friends with her. She hadn't exactly revealed to Parker that he was stalking them, or how dangerous that could become. Thank god, it had happened in time with their next name change.

"Sweet P," Sam whispered. "Hey, everything is okay?" She asked as she tried to get near her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't… I couldn't… I…" Parker tried to explain, but she couldn't just put words to her actions. Sam reached her and kneeled in front of her. Embracing her softly at first and then tightly as she felt Parker tightening the embrace herself.

"Shh… It's okay, P. Everything is going to be okay."

"You don't get it, mommy," Parker said through her tears. "I wanted to give you some privacy and now… Now, I scared him away!" She cried. Sam frowned, completely confused by her words.

"What?" She wanted to facepalm herself for her lack of better words.

"I was walking backward," she sniffled. "So, you wouldn't know I was here…. And I hit the table." Parker looked awfully devastated by it. "I didn't want to scare you! I didn't want him to leave!"

"You?" The frown, like the confusion, only deepened. Sam wished she'd never felt this confused before, but she had. "You didn't… You don't?" She asked. Not quite knowing what she was asking but wanting to know the answer, nonetheless.

"I'm so sorry, mom." P wept. "If only I was less clumsy, you would still be looking…" Parker took a step away, "happy."

"You mean… You aren't angry about what you saw?" Sam asked. Desperately wanting her to answer that she wasn't. "This…" she waved towards Parker to explain what she meant by this. "It isn't for what you saw?"

"No! How could I be angry with you when you looked so happy after all this time?" Parker asked. Now as confused as her mom was looking.

"Oh, God."

Sam rushed out of her house, hoping that somehow, he was still there. Yet, just her luck, she only saw the backlights of his truck. As they disappeared into the night.

She let herself fall on the snow-covered ground in her front garden. Not feeling the cold biting her legs in the sightless. She was too shocked, knowing that she had shoved him away. And this time… This time there might not be a way of coming back. She had jumped to the wrong conclusion. She might have fucked up her chances once and for all.

How could she even hope to fix it? He'd spent almost twelve years pinning for someone she wasn't anymore. He had waited for his Sam to return and instead… He got _her._ She was as cold as the snow under her. Feelings around him were always so stupidly complicated.

Sam only noticed the cold when she rubbed her face tiredly with almost blue fingertips. Her palms had touched the frozen trail of tears she didn't even notice were falling. "How can you be so stupid? When everyone praises just how smart you supposedly are?" She mumbled, shaking herself and standing up. With her head lowered, she walked back inside the warmth of the house. Her whole body pricking as it warmed up.

Parker was nowhere to be seen. The scraps of the vase were also gone. How long had she been outside? She wondered for a second. She felt the blood returning to her fingertips and the overall cold mass she was. She needed to talk with Parker. Yet, she couldn't scare her daughter looking as disheveled as she felt.

Shivering, teeth clattering a bit too loud for the silence of the house. She headed for her room. She needed a warm shower. "Fuck," she mumbled. Knowing that Parker would be there, waiting to fulfill their little tradition. No matter how wrong everything seemed now. So, Sam hoped Parker wouldn't notice her entering her room. That way she wouldn't scare her even more than she already had.

Sam frowned when she didn't find Parker cuddled up in her bed.

Truth was, Sam needed her tonight of all nights. She needed her to gather the strength she was lacking. She knew it was a bit selfish on her part to need her daughter like that. But, after all the years alone, and all the distrust she had placed on the outside world. Parker was the closest thing she had to the man she loved. The man that, no matter how bad the situation was, had always managed to make her feel safe.

Getting rid of her soaked cold clothes. She turned the shower on as mild as she could, so she wouldn't cause herself a shock. As color returned to her extremities, she warmed it up until her chest was of a violent red. She got out. Dried herself and found the most comfortable PJs she had to sleep in. She toweled her hair dry before she did a quick job of blowing it dry. Then she finally thought she looked a bit better than she felt.

Knowing her daughter, Sam knew Parker wouldn't be asleep. Not when she felt like she had screwed up something. Most likely, and just like her mom, Parker would be going over all the things that happened and the ways to fix it. But her kid didn't have a say on this. Not really.

With a heavy heart, Sam walked to the other inhabited room of her house. Parker's door was closed. She knocked on it softly and got no answer. So, she opened it slightly. The lights were off, but the moonlight was enough to see her in bed.

As if she hadn't done that enough already, Sam's heart broke for the thousandth time that night. When she spotted Parker curled up in a tight ball in a corner of her bed.

"What are you doing here, sweet P?" Sam said her voice merely a whisper. Parker didn't move, but Sam noticed she was shaking.

'Fuck! You broke her too!' Sam thought as she padded closer to her bed.

"Hey, mind if I join you?" Sam asked, raising the covers and sliding beside her daughter's curled form. Parker said nothing. Sam gulped. "Why are you so upset, P?" She whispered, tugging her close. Parker turned around and clung to Sam's frame as if her life depended on it.

"I… You looked so happy! I screwed it all up! I broke your mom's vase! I only screw things up!" Sam gulped again. Trying to get rid of the knot in her throat.

"It's okay, P. You didn't screw things up. It's only a vase." Sam said.

"It was your mom's vase! The one you just got back!" She cried. Sam let her cry. She didn't really know what else she could do. Not when she couldn't find comfort in her own mind. It wasn't until Parker's breath evened out that Sam allowed herself to cry.

She was tired. So damn fucking tired of everything. Of how life kept screwing her up repeatedly. As if someone was just having fun with keeping her and Jack separated and suffering.

As she cried, she decided she wouldn't take it. There were all those videos she'd done. All those videos Parker had done. All of them directed to the same man. One they both loved but had to keep themselves apart with.

"Fuck this." Where the last words she mumbled before she finally fell asleep.

**Saturday, December 29, 2012**

He knew it, he just knew it. His gut had told him he had to stay the hell away from that woman the day he met her. Jack knew, by the way his heart had skipped a beat when she entered that room. How he'd been unable to keep himself from holding a breath when she challenged him. He knew that she was trouble.

Jack never thought just how much of trouble she was meant to be. How much she would mean to him or how much it would pain him not being able to have her. He shook his head. Despite the distance, he had seen the look of utter terror on the kid.

'Well, fuck!' He thought.

It was just his luck that the kid would come out when he was there. Proposing to his wife to get a life together again. It was just his luck that he had forgotten all about that kid, in the few moments they'd stolen that night.

Parking his truck in his driveway, he rubbed his face tiredly. Then his chest. The pain was oppressive and it was breath-taking. He wondered once more if this was it. If that would be the real heart attack that would finally take him out of this world of suffering, he lived in.

"No such luck," he thought as he entered his house, dragging his feet.

For all he cared, he was done. He didn't want to know anything else about the world or extraterrestrial crisis. He didn't want to try to fix everyone else's life when he couldn't manage to fix his. He was tired, defeated. Driving back to Colorado had taken its toll. So no matter how bad he felt. The moment his head had touched his pillow. He'd fallen asleep.

He dreamt of chasing her. He dreamt of having her. What was worse, he dreamt of her being trapped in Ba'al's fortress. That she was the one the cruel System Lord killed repeatedly, as Jack was unable to do shit to save her. The 'I'm not the one you want,' in her voice mixed with images of the cold RepliCarter. He wasn't sure how he could tell them apart, but he knew that wasn't her. Even if she looked and sounded like her.

He had slept, but he didn't feel rested at all in the morning. After showering to get himself more awake, he had drowned his sorrows in a large mug of coffee. It was barely five in the morning when he pulled out of his driveway and started his way back to the cabin.

Maybe he couldn't ever be happy with Sam. At least he had a family that would try to console him and bring some joy into his old sad days.

**Sunday, December 30, 2012**

Sam woke up at four. The first thing she did was take Parker's thumb drives out of their hiding place. A bittersweet smile since they were in the same place they'd always been. Just below a box that contained the only doll she had kept until that year. Shaking herself of her thoughts. She rushed. Grabbing a copy of each and throwing them in a bag. Then she did the same with hers. That had only taken her ten minutes at most.

After that, she paced in front of her door until Fred was there an hour later. She truly didn't feel comfortable leaving Parker with him. No matter how long it had been since they'd started to train together. The months that happened simply weren't enough to gain her full trust. They weren't enough to leave him alone with her most precious thing.

So she'd trained. Trying to get all the rage and frustration out of her body, before she could blow up even worse in front of Jack. Parker woke up around six. Her puffy eyes were witness just as to how much she'd cried. Sam knew because she had seen them while she kicked Fred's butt. Parker sat on the stairs watching them fight.

Sam had convinced herself that a call at six in the morning wasn't a good thing. So, she had waited until seven-thirty to place the call. To Sam's frustration, Jessica didn't arrive until an hour later. By then, she was already dressed and ready to bolt.

Somehow, she'd managed to drive slow enough not to scare anyone, until she knew they couldn't see her. She pressed the gas and sped through the Sunday morning's empty roads. The fact that his truck wasn't there, parked in his driveway, was already a bad omen.

Clenching her jaw, she parked. Taking a deep breath, she walked down to his front door. The house was dark. She noticed as she peered through a window. However, she knew him, or she thought she knew him well enough to know where he'd leave his spare key.

She walked around the house, finding the door that had taken her to this backyard the night they'd had dinner. And so much more. She patted the door frame until she found it. Sticking just a bit above it. She stood on her tippy toes and got a hand on it.

"Aha!" She mumbled. As the key finally was in her hand. She opened the door, only to find the coldest place ever. The drapes were pulled closed. There was no chance that the ray of light had even a sliver to filter inside. She patted her pocket to find her phone. Turning the flashlight on, she walked around his home.

It was as empty as she felt.

She wandered around until she found what she thought must be the master bedroom. The door was closed, so she had knocked on it. "Jack?" she called. She knew, she simply knew, he wasn't there.

Opening the door, she found his bed was made. There was slight disarray on one side. His side. Something told her he had fallen asleep over the covers and hadn't cared about fixing it before he'd left. Out of an impulse, she walked to the bed. Placed her hand over where he'd had to be laid before. It was cold.

She threw herself on his spot. Wondering if she wished hard enough, he would materialize right then and there. She knew that wouldn't be the case, not for her, at least. She didn't know exactly how long she'd lay there until she took a deep breath. She couldn't help herself as she stood up.

Feeling a bit of a stalker, she opened his closet. There was a sweatshirt that looked as if it had seen better days. Numbed by the pain of her reality, she clung to it. It smelled like the Jack that had fucked her against the wall. The same Jack that had had her in his yard and bathroom. The one she'd fucked on his floor and his couch.

If she was honest. She couldn't remember for the life of her if that was the same smell of the Jack she loved.

Maybe fate was trying to tell her something? Maybe she should've stopped this futile search? Maybe she should leave while she could. Maybe she should've let him go. Way back when she was simply Emma Irvine, and the WITSEC seemed like some kind of safe haven.

Maybe she shouldn't have screwed it all up. Bringing herself back to this life filled with pain. Dragging Parker along for the ride.

Parker… Parker deserved to know her dad. But did she deserve to be broken by the fact that he didn't care about her?

She saw Jack's safe and was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. She donned his sweatshirt before caressing the digits on the pad. Pressing some numbers, her birth date, she opened it. She didn't know if she was happy about it or if it was just another sad reminder of how much she'd fucked him up.

His secondary service weapon looked at her, tempting her.

Could she do it? Could she just press the cold barrel against her head and pull the trigger? She knew all her plans would still be in place. She knew Jack would get a call. Parker would end up with him. With the father, she never knew.

She took the weapon in her hands. The weight to unfamiliar and yet so comfortably known to her hands. She sat on his bed, weapon in hand. She looked at her phone. Maybe she should call him… Warn him of what she was about to do…

"No," she mumbled. "You know how calls in times of despair can end up." She raised the gun towards her head. She thought about her accident. That somehow, she was alive. Was it worth it? The pain she had put everyone through then? To end it all like this?

Her phone screen brightened up then. Showing her a picture of Parker. Illuminating Jack's bedside as it faded back to black. She turned the light on…

At his bedside, there was a picture of them. Dancing at their wedding. She looked lovely and carefree. He was looking at her as if she was his whole damn world. Beside it, a picture of Charlie.

"Fuck!" She said. How could she be so fucking selfish? Thinking of pulling the trigger of his service weapon. When she knew exactly what that had cost him the last time, someone did that. How could she add that guilt to his already frazzled mind? She dropped the weapon as if it burned her hand… Maybe not today. Maybe not like this.


	89. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for self-harm thoughts stand through this chapter too.  
> (Less dramatic than the previous thought)

**Chapter 88**

**Sunday, December 30, 2012**

He was driving slowly. It wasn't even eight-thirty am. He'd already had been almost four hours on route. Jack knew he was miles away from the Welcome to Nebraska sign when he felt it. His cellphone went off with the one tone he'd only heard once.

Frowning, he took the next exit and found a place to stop. He fished for his cellphone and rubbed his eyes tiredly. " _Property breached, activating CCTV."_ The message said.

Jack sighed. He'd already gone past the place he knew had some free WIFI. "Well, there's not exactly a helluva lot to steal." Jack shrugged. Then he remembered it. Frantically he searched his bag until he found he had forgotten it.

Yes, his house had nothing but a somewhat new TV and a radio that had seen better days. He didn't even keep a computer anymore. He always was dragging his laptop from one place to the next. Part of the safety measures he took after he found out about the people coming and going inside his house. As if his privacy was a freaking Walmart!

No… He couldn't care the less about the few belongings he kept inside. Since he never used them for long, however, the one thing he'd forgotten inside his room safe was his spare service weapon. One that had one accidental killing too many for his like, but he couldn't find it in himself to get rid of. The one Charlie had unlocked from his safe and had killed himself with.

Without doubting it, he grabbed the next ramp to make his way back.

Jack hadn't used that weapon in years, not since that fateful day. Not after the police had returned it to him after ruling Charlie's death an accident.

Charlie. The oppressive tug on his heart had become a dull one. At least compared with the fresher pain of rejection and overall loss. He opened his window so the cold would make him feel… _Something_. Anything so he wouldn't have to dwell on his current train of thoughts.

It didn't work.

Jack saw the sign he was looking for and stopped. Truth was, he was also tired. So, even if he didn't return, he would be needing to stop before risking killing himself. He should have a long while ago, he thought. Only not like this, not in a car accident that could kill innocent people. For all he cared, he'd already killed enough to grant him a free pass to hell.

Entering the store, Jack asked for a cup of coffee and the Wi-Fi password. He found a table in the corner and turned on his laptop. He might as well check that security footage. He'd forced himself to get once he moved into that house. If only to make sure no one was going to try to force some more cameras into his privacy.

He tapped his fingers on the cheap-looking table as his computer booted. His coffee was unceremoniously dropped beside his hand as the password field appeared. He typed his secret word, and the computer opened. Searching for his browser, he added the data he needed to connect to the CCTV as he was taught.

It was funny, he thought, that most people considered him stupid and went on long explanations about this and that. The only one who did that for the fun was Sam. Carter always knew he understood more than he let on. Yet, she never dared to break his charade in front of anyone.

The cameras of his house took over the whole screen. The back door was clearly opened, but he saw a shadow crossing the corridor towards his room. He rewound the video to the time of the alert. Then he saw her.

"Well, fuck…" He mumbled, closing the lid, not caring to turn the thing off. He shouldered the laptop bag, grabbed the coffee, and took quick strides to return to his truck.

His phone went off then. He frowned. Why on Earth would anyone call him at nine on a Sunday morning?

"O'Neill." He barked to his phone without looking at the caller id.

 _"Sir General O'Neill?"_ A voice he didn't identify asked him on the other end.

"Who is this?" Jack asked.

 _"I…"_ He remembered then he could check the number. Taking it away from his ear, he glanced at the screen.

"Carter? What the fuck do you want now?" He answered. Angered that she dared to call him after what she'd just done.

 _"Sir General O'Neill…. This is P. I mean, Parker. Parker Carter? You work with my mom and you knew her from before…"_ Parker blabbered on the phone. Before Jack could ask 'Sam,' what she was doing in his home.

Jack frowned, why the heck would Carter's kid be calling him? If this was an apology call, why would she go so low as to make her daughter call? Maybe she was afraid he wouldn't want to talk to her? 'Wait, but Sam's in your house and you didn't see the kid.' He thought.

_"I'm sorry I've bothered you, Sir General Jack. My mom said she was going to see you, and she forgot her phone."_

'That makes sense!' His mind provided.

_"Mom never leaves without her phone. She took her work one but not hers. Not the one she always answers when I call. So, I was wondering if she already spoke with you and I wanted to apologize too. I broke a vase. Her mom's vase. An heirloom that was in my mom's family for ages. I tripped and broke it. When I was trying to give you two some space to be alone… I'm sorry about that, by the way. I didn't want you to go. I didn't want to scare you …."_

"Parker!" Jack exclaimed. As he tried to process what the girl was saying, but he hadn't had a great night. She was speaking almost as fast as her mom when she technobabbled.

_"Can I speak to her?"_

"Huh?"

_"My mom. She went to see you, isn't she there anymore?"_

"There. Where?" Jack asked, confused.

" _There! Your house? The base? I'm not sure… She only said she needed to talk to you, ASAP."_

"She what?" For some reason, his gut feeling kicked at him, and not in a good way. "Parker, why are you calling me?"

" _She left a while ago. She left her phone home…. I just want to know if she is okay."_ There was a trembling in her voice that added to the already nervous lump forming in his throat.

"What time did she leave?" He couldn't help to wonder, how long was she outside? Did she watch him leave?

" _She left at eight… But something is not right, Sir General O'Neill. I feel it in my tummy."_

"A gut feeling?" Jack asked. As his stomach clenched telling him something was definitively not right.

 _"I guess so… I'm worried…"_ Parker sniffled on the other side. Jack wondered why she was telling him all of this.

"Parker, I'm not home. I'm not even in the city. But I'm about to start my way back. I'll hurry up."

 _"Will you…"_ She cleared her throat. _"Will you call me when you find her?"_

"Yes. Are you with someone?"

" _Yes. Mommy called Jessica before she left. She waited until Jess arrived before she went. She was nervous and jittery. She trained hard, Sir General. She lost it several times, even Fred was worried."_ Jack sighed.

"Parker. Listen, I'm going to put you on speaker. I need to get on my way. Okay?"

_"Okay."_

"Is Fred your dad?" Jack asked. As he got back on the route that would take him home. He pressed the gas as much as he could. Tired or not, he couldn't afford the slow way back. Like he'd been driving before. Besides, adrenaline had kicked in.

Parker giggled.

_"You are silly, Sir General Jack. Fred is mommy's trainer. Sometimes she losses it with him. That's what Fred calls it. He said it has to do with PTSD. I'm not sure what that is."_

"PTSD?" Jack asked.

'Fuck!' His mind provided. His spare service weapon was in his house. Sam was in his house. The weapon that had killed Charlie was just a safe away from the woman he loved. The one who always had a self-deprecative thread woven deep inside her. A woman suffering from PTSD, it seemed…. A woman that would figure out the key of his safe, if she spotted it. If she dared to open it.

" _Yes. The Internet said it stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. Uncle Jordan said I shouldn't search that and cleared my browser."_

Jack frowned. Definitively the girl was in a sharing mode, but should he get this information out of her? Wasn't that a bit too low even for himself?

_"Is she going to be okay? I know she was sad when you left. The saddest I've seen her."_

"She's going to be okay. I promise." Jack said, pressing the gas harder. If he wanted to fulfill that promise, he'd better get home ASAP.

He was terrified. His heart was beating wildly in his throat. He could hear it as loud as Parker's breathing on the phone. She had a gut feeling that was telling her exactly what his was… Something was utterly wrong.

 _"Sir General Jack?"_ Parker's voice brought him back to the call.

"Yeah?"

_"You know my mom from way back, don't you?"_

"By way back, you mean?"

 _"Before I was born?"_ Jack gulped.

_"Yeah…"_

_"Did she leave 'coz of me? She said she didn't. She never talks about that… She never talks about anything from her past."_

"No. She didn't leave because of you." Jack said. 'She left because of me.' He thought. 'because I got her to that stupid safe house and left her there. To fend for herself with the world.'

_"Are you sure?"_

"Yes, Parker. I'm sure."

" _You should call me P. That's my nickname… Mom said it was a safe one. Everyone thought it was sweet that my mom would call me sweet pea. But she said it was to keep me knowing who I was. Knowing that P was Parker and not anything else. That I was Parker and not anyone else."_

"Did you change names, too? Like you mom?" Jack asked then. Realizing he'd never even thought about that.

_"Yup. When I was older, mommy allowed me to pick my own names! It was cool! It was our secret."_

Jack smiled sadly at that. PTSD made complete sense now. She'd been living a nightmare. He knew because he was on the other side living a not so similar kind of hell. He'd had an entire support system. She'd Parker and an ever-growing set of aliases.

"Parker…" He cleared his throat. "P. Has your mom ever explained to you why you had to change names?"

_"She said there were bad guys after her. That she would have to capture them. Then the name changing would stop. She said this was the last change… I never knew she had a brother… I didn't know I had family…"_

"What about your dad?"

 _"Dunno. I don't know him,"_ She sniffled. " _Mommy never answered those questions. So I stopped asking them. I made videos for him. So, I could tell him that I love him. That I understand he couldn't be there with us."_ Jack gulped as the sniffs became a cry. " _Mommy said it was the last name. She said daddy would come back to us when everything was over… I don't know where he is. I don't know who he is. Not even Uncle Jordan knows…"_

Even if he'd convinced himself he disliked the girl. His heart broke with her cries. He wanted to be closer to her and maybe hug her tight. Tell her that everything would be all right. That her daddy most likely was having issues trying to find them.

'Who would be an asshole enough to let these two women go away from him?' He wondered, hating the guy for leaving Sam. That'd be the second man Sam had loved that had left her behind. Or that she was forced to leave behind…

"Listen to me, P. Everything will be okay. Your mom, she's the strongest person I know. She's a kick-ass woman. She's probably waiting for me. To kick my ass for having made her wait so long to talk to me." That got a chuckle out of the girl. "So, why don't you go freshen up. Find something to do, so you can distract yourself from worrying. I'll try to make my way faster. Okay?"

" _Okay."_

 _"_ But I'll have to hang the phone."

" _Noooo, please…."_ She whined.

"P. I can't speed if you are on the phone. If I hang… I can drive fast enough to be back in less than two hours. If I don't, I have three hours ahead."

" _No. That's too long! I'll hang. Please take care, Sir General Jack. You matter to her."_ Parker said and made him take a deep breath.

"I call you when I get to her. Okay?"

_"Kay. Bye."_

"Bye." He said and let her end the call.

Jack was going way past the speed limits. Heck! He was going way past any speed limits. Who would stop him if they couldn't catch him? Besides, he was sure the moment someone ran his plates and his name popped up. They would cease any attempts of stopping him in case it was something end-of-the-world like that only he could fix.

All his attention was settled on not killing himself. He was now a man with a mission. A mission that could end up with him being too late. Thousands of images came to his mind. A sea of possibilities opened. He fought his need to stop somewhere to check his cameras. So, he would at least know if he was getting home to fight her, or to… No. She had a kid. A kid who didn't know her father. She knew what it was to grow up without one… She wouldn't do anything stupid that could risk her daughter's future.

"It's Sam, Jack. You know, thanks to that stupid accident. That she has plans in case something goes wrong with her." He mumbled. "No… She'd never…. PTSD or not… She'd never…"

Then why he was repeating those words? As if trying to convince himself that Samantha Carter wouldn't try to take her own life if she thought that was the best-case scenario? Why was his gut clenching so tightly that he could hardly breathe?

He would learn it in time… He just hoped that after all this time, he wasn't too damn late.


	90. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No deer or wildlife was endangered for the purpose of this chapter.
> 
> The trigger warning for self-harm... it's still a thing.

**Chapter 89**

**Sunday, December 30, 2012**

Jack left out a string of swear words that would make a sailor blush. The moment yet another traffic light had turned red. He'd made the four hours back to Colorado Springs, in less than two. Changing his usual drive through 76, to the shorter one though 71 and to 24. Mostly because it would make him avoid Denver and its traffic. How he hadn't been stopped or killed himself, it was something he would always wonder about.

He considered for a second if he should let Parker know that he'd finally reached the city. However, as the last traffic light on the way to his house changed to green, that decision was taken away from him. Parking his truck right beside hers felt so utterly familiar and yet so damn ominous.

Taking a deep breath. Jack closed his eyes only to see the last awful memories he'd had of Charlie. He remembered rushing into the house and his room. He remembered the door was ajar… and shook his head. This wasn't what he was going to find. He wasn't going to find her in the same crumpled position he'd found his son.

No, Sam knew how to handle a weapon and besides…. Who even said she'd found it? He opened his door and walked around the house. He didn't even know if she was still there. She could've been gone ages ago, while he was rushing out through the state.

'Her SUV is still there, and the back door's still open where else she could be?' his mind provided

"Shit." He mumbled as he stepped inside, sighing. It was a good thing he knew the layout of his house perfectly. Thanks to all those hours in the dark whenever he couldn't sleep. So, Jack didn't need to turn the lights on or open the curtains. Which meant he wouldn't alert her of his presence.

His room door was slightly opened. He gulped. Shaking again, the images out of his mind. He found her. Sitting on his bed, weapon in a hand. Looking at it, as if it held the answer to all the mysteries of the universe.

Her gaze fell on her cellphone for a second. "No," she mumbled. "You know how calls in times of despair can end up." She raised the gun to her head. Jack froze in place.

Could he stop her? Would she accidentally pull the trigger if he made his presence known? Would she pull the trigger out of her free will if she noticed him? Would she look at him in the eyes and do it? He hadn't even noticed her turning his bedside lamp on. Not until a growled "Fuck!" came out of her. Making him jump in place and blink, only to notice the gun bouncing slightly on his bed.

The image of this Sam breaking in his room. With his sweatshirt on, and one hand tightly wrapped around his gun was an image he wouldn't ever forget. Burned into his brain for eternity. The fact that despite knowing his life experiences, she'd dared to place the barrel so damn close to her brain. One elegant finger playing too damn close to the trigger. It made him wonder if she was right after all.

He wondered if this woman that was breaking inside his room wasn't really the Sam he'd once knew and loved so fiercely.

Was this woman so damn different that she was about to blow her head off? Did she not care about his feelings in the sightless? Or how he would come home only to find her there. Torn beyond repair and lifeless? Dried blood marring her skin and his bedroom. A true painful reminder of a past he had learned to forgive, yet not to forget.

What about Parker? The girl that had been so scared that she called him to ask about her mommy. The girl sounded so mature when talked to her. Yet he'd spoken to her in two terrifying moments of her life. No matter how mature she seemed, there was a kid underneath it all. Sam knew this! She'd raised her after all! Would this woman so selfishly leave her daughter to fend for herself at whatever short-age she was? Her kid was, what? Eight? Nine?

Jack remembered fleetingly that day when Cassie mentioned Sam had everything arranged in case of her demise. In between, they'd be responsible for the kid. Was this Sam so broken that she'd just throw her kid to her mourning friends, not caring at all about it? About them? About how broken he would be? They all would be?

He looked at her, looking at her hands. Enthralled by them as if now the mysteries were held there. Parker mentioned PTSD, but what would be the reason in her mind that brought her so low? What would be the reason she hadn't done it? Would he ever know? Would she ever trust in him enough to let him know? Did he really want to know?

All he knew was that she was still there, sitting completely devoid of emotions. She looked so damn empty that it hurt. She stood up and embraced herself by the middle. She walked to stand in front of the full-length mirror that took over most of his closet door.

Did she choose her fate? Did she figure out what she wanted now? He shook his head. Wondering if he should make himself known. What could happen if he did? Would she come clean about the weapon currently laying forgotten on his bed? About the reason, she was wearing his sweatshirt? About why she dared to place the gun against her head?

Could he really blame her, though? Truth was, he'd been there before too… He'd placed the same cold barrel against his forehead. Something had stopped him from pulling the trigger. In his case, the reason had been her.

Maybe in her case, the reason was the kid who desperately needed her mother. The girl, her girl, didn't stand a chance by herself in the cold dark world they both had come to know too damn well. Parker needed her… Then why would she risk it?

"Fuck you!" Sam shouted. "I fucking hate you!"

Jack took a step back. Gulping as she shouted those words to him. He loved her. No matter how much she hated him. Maybe she couldn't love him back. Maybe what he'd experienced the previous night was just a dream from his younger days. Like the last conscious moment, most people get before they pass away…. Maybe she gave him that, so she could kill the remnants of them.

"I fucking hate you, Samantha Carter!" she growled, punching the mirror and breaking it. She dropped herself to her knees. Crying over the distorted images of herself that the pieces on the floor forced her to see.

She pulled one hand to her mouth. Not even noticing how the other one was splintered and marring the carpet below her with her blood.

That finally struck Jack. He entered his room, standing behind her crumpled form. He took a deep breath.

"I love you, Samantha Carter," he said. With creaking knees, he sank carefully behind her. Wrapping her in his arms as tight as he could.

Jack wanted to feel anger, wanted to shout at her for not coming to him. For not searching him out sooner. But then, the words of his siblings echoed in his mind. ' _You both are too alike._ ' If he was honest, he hadn't broken his own mirror because he had been hiding from it as much as he could. He was just as broken as she was, and just as unable to find her. To trust this version of himself with her. Thus, it made all the sense in the world that she hadn't.

'No,' he thought. 'You trust in her. You simply don't want to burden her already weighted shoulders with your own pains. Maybe that's the case too? Maybe she saw you avoiding her kid and decided you didn't want to know. That you didn't want them.'

She turned in his arms. Her head found the crook of his neck and her cut hand found purchase on his shirt. Grabbing a fistful of it as she sobbed on him. Tears and blood staining his shirt. Sorrow and defeat permeating into his soul.

"I love you, Samantha Carter," he had repeated like a mantra. "Any version of you."

"You don't even know me anymore…" She mumbled, her voice hoarse after a while of quietly crying.

"I do." He whispered. "Whatever's changed, we can figure it out. We were doing a great job before…" he trailed.

"Until I screwed it all up and send you away… Again." She groused. Her fisted hand closed tightly, she hissed. It was just that moment when he noticed the few shards sticking into her hand.

"Sam… We need to clean your wounds."

"My wounds can't be cleaned." She stated so firmly that he wondered to which was she referring.

"Your hand? There are a few pieces of my mirror that we need to get out of there. Get it cleaned up before it gets infected." He mumbled. He felt her frown. Before she moved back just enough to check the place where his hand was laying softly by her wrist.

"Oh…" She blushed.

"Come on. Let's get up and clean you up. We can't get you to your girl until we've patched you up and come up with an explanation for her," he said. Standing up and offering her his hand. She frowned, but carefully took it.

"My girl?"

"Parker." Jack shrugged. She eyed him weirdly but said nothing as he led her to the bathroom. Memories of the last time she sat on his bathroom vanity took over. When he patted the counter so she'd hop up on it.

She did as he silently requested. While Jack found his medkit. He stood up between her legs. They both blushed, feeling the heat of being this close. Sam licked her lips. He cleared his throat as his body reacted to the situation.

Shaking his head, he tried to keep himself in control by concentrating on the task at hand. He'd done that dozens of times. Dressing some wounds she'd gotten, standing in close quarters with her. He'd managed all those times before. Now, the fact that her other hand had found the nape of his neck and was softly caressing it, was utterly distracting.

She was playing with fire and she knew it. She was peaking again after such a devastating low. For some reason, it made her needy. Her own thoughts about attempting to get rid of herself from the world were now pushed to the back of her mind. They were being replaced with a powerful bout of need. Arousal was coursing through her as his fingers softly touched the damaged skin.

Sam tried to remember a time when she'd had issues with him dressing her wounds. She remembered him putting pressure on several parts of her body, along with just bandages or ointments. Back then, she'd been covered in goosebumps from having his hands on her skin, knowing it was forbidden. Now… He grazed his fingertips over her skin, in search of more shards that he couldn't see. She whimpered. His touch wasn't forbidden.

"Sorry." He whispered. Raising his head only for a second to watch her. He expected a grimace and hidden pain. He found her biting her lower lip and with dilated eyes. He cleared his throat for the umpteenth time.

"Jack," she whispered once more, in a pleading tone. He ignored her. Jack wasn't sure he would be able to finish what he was doing if he looked at her now. Slowly and carefully, he tracked all the pieces and cleaned her hand. All the time ignoring her shortened breath and the way her legs were pushing him closer. Other than that, she had made no move to distract him anymore from his task.

"All done," he said in a husky tone. He took a moment to carefully place everything back into this medkit. Placing the shards somewhere he would remember to throw away later. Then he looked at her. A knowing smile on her face.

"I think you missed one place." She said. Pulling him close, not even minding her now covered wounds. Jack growled against her lips when she ground herself against his hips.

"Sam…" he let out as a warning of sorts. Trying to bring them back to the previous place they were at. Where she had just stated she hated herself, and he'd stated he loved her.

"We can talk later…" She lowered herself down from the vanity. Rubbing her entire body deliciously slow against his. She slid away from him and he felt the abandonment all over again. She walked out of the bathroom and he followed like a lamb to the slaughter. She sat on his bed. His mind provided him with the image he'd found earlier.

'If you replace that situation with a pleasant memory, you can almost overwrite your memories.' one of the several shrinks he'd gone to during the years had told him. So he groaned. He couldn't think of any more pleasant memory than making love to his wife on his bed.

He stalked to her, pushing her back on the bed. She crawled towards the headboard, and he followed her. They never lost eye contact. His hands found her shirt under his sweatshirt and then glorious skin. He unclasped her bra, and she made a move to get rid herself of her clothes.

"No," he growled. Kissing her harshly. She answered in the same way. She didn't care if she was fully dressed or utterly undressed, she just needed him. To feel complete. To feel sane. To forget everything about her past and concentrate only on her present. Feeling only the way he loved her.

Somehow, as he was keeping her thoughts busy. He'd also freed himself. Then Jack got her out of her pants. He didn't bother with the underwear, shoving it to the side before he joined them. Their coupling, like every time since her return, was frantic.

It was more about feeling alive, and whole than about love. It was more about giving everything in the quickest way than about receiving. It was hard and fast and… perfect for their mental state. Slow would give them time to think about what they were doing. It was just fast enough so they wouldn't dwell on how wrong it all was, even when it felt so perfect.

"Jack," she'd moaned. As she came apart under him. In exchange, he kissed her. Biting her lips as he filled her. He let himself fall on top of her.

"I love you, Samantha Carter. I'll love you even if you can't love yourself." He whispered into her ear as she cried.

Slowly he moved to the side, bringing her over his chest. She was still crying silently. He wondered when had she become such a silent crier? He wondered if that was how she'd always cried, because truth was, he couldn't remember.

Her breathing evened out soon. The exhaustion of the rollercoaster of emotions taking over. It was then that Jack realized something… Another hour had passed, and he still hadn't called her daughter. Hoping not to wake her, he slid off the bed and found his cellphone.

Walking out, he searched for the last call. His finger hovered over her name. What could he tell the girl? Sorry, you were right. I found your mommy with intentions of blowing her head off. Then she broke my mirror and to finish it, we kinda fucked… So now she's sleeping. That so didn't sound like something he could say to her.

He pressed the name. It didn't take two rings before she answered.

 _"Is she okay?"_ she asked. Jack held his breath.

'No. She's broken. We both are. I'm not sure if we can repair ourselves anymore.' He thought. "Yes. I think she was just exhausted. She fell asleep on my couch as she waited for me." Jack lied surprisingly easily to her.

_"But she's okay?"_

"She's in one piece. If that's what it's worrying you."

_"Will you take care of her?"_

"Until she wakes up."

" _And then?"_ Parker asked in a hopeful tone.

"Then, it's up to her, P. Totally up to her."

_"But you'll tell her, right? That you want to take care of her? Uncle Jordan said no one ever did."_

'I did. I took care of her before, even though I was the only one broken was me,' he thought. He sighed. "I'll try. I can't promise you anything, Parker. Things are complicated."

_"I know. She says they always are. Thanks, Sir General Jack, for letting me know she's okay."_

Hanging the phone. Jack walked back to his room. He looked at the disarray. The gun was right next to where they'd fucked. He grabbed it and shoved it back to its place. Unwillingly, he looked at his distorted image on the remains of his mirror that still hang from the frame. He saw her distorted image, too, in the back.

"Maybe our pieces make a whole," he mumbled. Then getting rid of his pants. He slid back onto the bed. 'Maybe this is the last cuddle we get… Maybe it's just the first one of a long list…' he thought. As she made herself comfortable half on top of him again. With her hand over his heart, and his over hers. For once he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important! This is no way to deal with a suicide attempt, and as you all might figure out by now, I'm far from being a Psychologist. So, in case you need more information on how to properly work with these cases don't hesitate to visit www . nimh . nih . gov .  
> I'll sure make a stop there too :)


	91. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just let me add once again that if you ever find yourself in this kind of situation, be that yourself or someone you know, do search for help. Do not fall on this 'blind leading a blind' version of healing. Mental health it's important and shouldn't be dismissed so easily.  
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 90**

**Sunday, December 30, 2012**

She was the first to wake up. She closed the hand that was clutching his shirt into an even tighter fist and grimaced. Sam felt the pain of the cuts for the first time since they'd happened. Opening her hand, she raised it high enough to see the carefully placed bandage. A testament of just how damn caring the man half under her was.

He was still fast asleep. For some reason, she felt this time there wasn't a need to rush out of there. That it was safe. That she was safe beside him.

Instead of running away, she propped her head on her good hand and observed him. He looked tired, restless even. She wondered how much of that was her fault and how much it was just the fucked-up life that was dealt them.

Sucking on her lower lip, she traced a line from his forehead to his nose and down to his chin. Slowly caressing his lips as she went by them. Her soft caress with the tip of her finger had at least erased the frown on his forehead. He let out a contented sigh, 'is he dreaming of me?' she thought. She shook her head at the silliness that crossed her mind.

She took a deep breath. Wondering if she should just slide away. Get up from his bed, now that he was asleep and unknowing. He was just so damn comfy and warm. Somehow, he'd managed to make her feel renewed. As if she really had a chance to get herself together just by being beside him.

She contemplated her bandaged hand again, trying to remember exactly how she'd ended up like that. She turned around to find his broken mirror and memories unlocked. She glared at her hand and then observed him again.

Gulping, she wondered how much of it all he'd seen. Had he found her so enthralled by his gun and the chance of freedom that it offered? Had she hurt him again just by being there, holding a gun… His gun…. To her head? She realized that at some level, she knew the gun was empty. She knew him well enough to understand, deep down, he wouldn't ever risk keeping a loaded gun ever again. Not after Charlie.

God… Did she see her? If he did, did he realize there was no bullet there?

What had she done? How could she be so damn cruel to him? As to sit on his bed and point a gun against her head. While he was watching her, unable to move? Why hadn't he moved? She wondered. Was he even there? She shook her head.

There was too damn much going on in her head. Sometimes she wondered just how it was not to think. She'd tried. She really had. She tried meditating, but her mind wouldn't give her a rest. So, back then, she'd focused on other things. Ignoring the voice in her head that told her she should stop, that she was changing. Until it was replaced by the other one. A coldish one, she remembered from growing up. The one that told her she wouldn't ever be a boy. The harsher one, that said that even _if_ she achieved her dreams, she wouldn't ever be enough.

She wanted to continue pressed against him. To see if just by being held in his arms, her mind would shut up for once. Like it did when he'd fucked her. When she'd fucked him…. She wanted to let out a pained whimper at her own definition of what they'd done. There was a time where she would've called it making love. Now it seemed she didn't know anymore what that was and was constantly breaking whenever he was near.

Sliding away from the bed. She figured out that he had to have locked the gun up again. Or at least hidden it from her. Since it wasn't anywhere to be seen. Did he see her using it? Or did he just found the gun on his bed? Did he know? She stood up.

The door of his closet was still open. The bigger pieces of the broken mirror -the mirror she'd broken- were still hanging from the frame. Hundreds of smaller pieces were scattered around the floor. Some even had some dried blood over them.

She looked down and her reflection parted in many weird fragments. It was so close to how she really felt. Fragmented from who she was, because of who she had to be. Broken beyond repair, with only a few pieces of herself barely hanging on inside from a thread that could just give up at any moment.

Just like the piece that had given up that morning when her hand grabbed the gun.

Her eyes traveled upwards until the broken reflection showed her the bed. Was he this broken too? Were they, their relationship, fragmented between the what-ifs and what were? Was their love severed into million pieces? Pieces so tiny that even if they picked up the biggest ones and placed where they left them… There would still be a hole -an eleven-year hole- missing?

Jack sighed on the bed, and her heart skipped a beat. As she remembered, albeit faintly, what it felt like to wake up in his arms, to be loved by him. The way he'd managed to make her feel like she mattered. That it wasn't just her brain or her looks but all of her what was amazing. That she was worthy of love and a family as big as his. She'd hung up onto those feelings even if she wasn't sure if they came from her memories, or from her own stupid hope.

Her eyes watered, and she gulped down the tears that were threatening to escape. Should she just leave? Disappear into the night. Just grab Parker and go AWOL to the USAF. That was so cruel to order her out and then back to a place that was once so familiar -home, even- and strangely unfamiliar to her now. Would he forgive her if she did? Would he keep on living?

Deciding she was ashamed enough by her stupidity. Breaking his mirror of all the things she could've had broken during the years. She walked away from his room, not even bothering to find her pants. She just wanted a way to dispose of all the glass on his floor. Hide it all away, as she was going to hide this entire event out of prying eyes. As she hoped he would. To keep her lowest point a secret. She had read it in his eyes when he danced with him. That he, too, was acquainted with the weight of his gun and the feeling of the cold barrel against his head. How many times had he tried? How many times had he done the same actions she'd done earlier?

She shook her head. Not quite knowing how she would've reacted to find him in that same stance. All she knew was that she would find a way to replace the mirror. To erase the memories of what had happened.

Maybe even send a cleaning service to his room to see if they could get rid of the blood spots on the carpet. She'd bled on his carpet… She shook her head.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" She asked to herself.

**Sunday, December 30, 2012**

Jack woke up feeling his lips curving a little in a lazy smile, but there was no weight over him. He couldn't figure out where the noise was coming from. For a second, he panicked. Rubbing his eyes, he raised his frame slightly on the bed and followed the noise.

Sam was on the floor next to his now non-existent mirror. The noise was the tiny fragments colliding with more tiny fragments inside a box. Where did she get that from? Why wasn't she on the bed, warming his body and his soul just by being beside him?

"Sam? Come back to bed…" He said. His voice still raspy from sleep. She hadn't turned. He wondered for a second if she'd heard him at all. She had. She stopped her picking halfway through and was now still. Shoulder squared while kneeled on his floor. "Sam… It's…" he checked his watch. 1400. He sighed. He stood up and dragged himself to her.

It was amazing how he had felt that surge of energy before. Now he felt all the weight of the world on his shoulders. He walked to her. His knees cracked as he sat behind her and pulled her back to his chest.

"It's just a mirror, you know…" He whispered as he felt her tense against him. "Just… Come back to bed."

"We need to talk… At some point, we need to talk."

"Yes, but you're half-naked, I'm half-naked. We didn't turn the heater on. Let's talk under the damn cover?" He stood up and offered her his hand. She took it.

Pulling her up ended up with her too damn close to him. Instinct surged again as he pulled her closer and she let him. This time, he tugged the sweatshirt up and she raised her arms as the bigger piece of clothes made its way away from her body.

She looked down. It wasn't that she was unaware of her body or how it had changed since the last time he'd seen her fully naked. It was that she didn't know how he would react to it. For some reason, now it mattered. So, she had stopped him from getting her blouse off.

"Sam, I know things have changed in your body. I know you've been training… I couldn't care less how it looks, really. You can have hundreds of scars and that won't make you less beautiful under my eyes." She chewed her lower lip for a second, feeling a bit unsure. "I just want to hold you, Sam. That's all. I want to hold you close and breathe you in if you'll let me," He said. She looked at him as if the whole concept was a new one. "Will you show me yours, if I show you mine?" he asked then with a childish tone and she giggled. He got rid of his t-shirt then, and she held her breath.

He was still as sculpted as he was before, if not more. Were before was a trail of dark hair, now it was mostly gray. Her eyes drank in that image of him. He gave her a half deprecative smile, and she pulled her blouse away. His breath hitched as her hand slid her bra away too. He licked his lips and his hands found her face.

"You're gorgeous. You're all I need to live." He mumbled before he kissed her. She kissed him back, colliding her body with his. Searching for a warmth she had almost forgotten. His hands-on her back burned her skin and his lips on hers gave her new breath. It was as if he wanted to mold her anew just by standing naked with her.

She shivered. Jack smiled against her lips. It was cold inside, so he linked their hands and helped her to his bed. "I love you, Samantha Carter, no matter how much you think you changed."

"I've changed too much, Jack." She whispered.

"I don't care. I'll just learn you again…" he said. He kissed her softly, and soon he found himself kissing his way down. Learning her, again, as her hand guided his head when her body had finally given up. She panted a soft Jack as she quivered, and her skin got covered in a mix of goosebumps and flush. When he reached her side again. She looked at him and left out a small smile.

"I love you, Jack."

He propped himself up on his arm and looked at her. After taking a deep breath, he gulped. "I know you overthink things, Sam. I know you'll find it difficult to stop your mind from going thousands of miles per second. I know I can manage to make you stop, albeit only for a while. So, even if you don't want to fulfill those promises we made. Or if you think we can't... I want you to call me whenever you need to stop thinking. I don't care if it's to talk yourself out of," he gulped, "something. Or to help you stop thinking altogether. I just don't want you to go through it alone. Not again, not when you had to do it for too damn many years."

She looked at him. He was right. He could always render her thoughtless. Especially when he concentrated on making her scream and whimper under his touch.

"What about you, Jack? Would you call me if you needed me? Would you open up to me?" She asked suckling her lower lip.

"I promise." He nodded.

"And you won't be angry, or scared if this is all we do?" She wondered.

"When I came back from my MIA stint… All I wanted was someone who understood my darkness, Sam. I've searched for help before, but I couldn't open up fully to them. I always thought they never would understand what it was like…. I know you understand. I know you'll care. I care too, I just hope I can understand what you're going through. I know pretty well that sometimes you just need it all to stop. To disappear, and for your mind to shut up for a second. I know this, Sam. I think I can help you with it. I need to help you."

"Then make it stop… I really need you to make it stop…" It was a whimper. A plea to free her from her most obscure side. He understood her need.

"Good… Because I need that from you too."

They barely spoke at all. Minds blank as their bodies took control. It wasn't ideal. It wasn't at all what anyone would've recommended them to do… But for now… It worked for them.

It was late that night when she finally returned home. She felt gloriously sore and utterly spent. She might even manage to fall asleep the moment her head touched her pillow. Parker tackled her the moment she spotted her.

"Mom!" She said, clinging from Sam's waist. "Are you okay? You left your phone home." She said. Sam patted her head lovingly.

"Yes, P. Sorry if that scared you. I just needed to speak with General O'Neill. I fell asleep as I waited for him."

"He said you did," Parker said, taking a step away from her mom and following her to her room.

"He did?"

"Yeah." Parker blushed. "I asked him to."

"You asked him?"

"I called his number from your cellphone when I found it. I just wanted to know if you were all right. I'm sorry, mommy." Sam gulped. On that cellphone, she listed him only as Jack O'Neill, in case they ever needed to contact him to have him learn about Parker.

"It's okay. Where's Jessica?"

"She was just arranging the guest room."

"Mommy?"

"Yes, P?"

"Are you really all right?" Parker asked.

Sam glanced at her reflection in the window. Was she _really_ all right? No. Was she thoroughly spent? Yes. Had she solved anything with Jack? Nope… but at least now she knew her husband was willing to become her fuck buddy. If she was willing to become his… All in the name of stop thinking, some mental clarity, and maybe even some well-deserved sleep.

"Yes, P." Parker squinted at her.

"And you hand?" Parker asked, noticing the bandage.

"I held a glass too tightly, and it broke. Nothing for you to worry about, P." She dismissed.

"Hm, Okay…. Mommy? Did you fix what I screwed up?"

"You screwed up nothing, Parker," Sam said and turned around to look at her daughter. She caressed her cheek once and brought her close. "You couldn't screw anything P. You broke a vase, that's all. Don't blame yourself for something you had not a say in. Okay?"

"But mommy…" Parker said, taking a step away. Sam could recognize herself in her daughter.

"No, P. Listen to me… Jack, General O'Neill, and I, we go way back. Our thing has always been beyond complicated. Now we need to figure out how we fit. There's a difference between what we knew of each other and what we now know. This is not your doing, it's ours. You can't fix it. Maybe we can't fix it ourselves…"

"But you'll try?"

"Why are you so interested in it?" Sam frowned. Parker didn't know that Jack was her dad after all.

"You know how your eyes supposedly sparkle when you're in love?" Sam nodded once. "Yours do… When he is nearby. I've seen him look at you like that too, mommy."

"Oh, honey," Sam said, caressing her face once again. "Sometimes the world of the adults is far more complicated than books and movies. Sometimes we're just too human and complex to make it work… No matter how much you can love someone."

"So… You love him?" Sam took a deep breath. Should she lie to her? Parker blinked. Sam closed her eyes and shook her head before she opened her eyes again. She gave Parker a sad smile.

"I do. Very much." She confessed.

"Does he know?" Parker frowned.

"He does." She agreed.

"I don't understand, mommy. Why aren't you together then?" Sam sighed.

"You know how people say time could heal any wound?" Parker nodded. "Sometimes time can help them make them bigger too."

"Can you fix it?"

"We can try, P, but it will take time. Now, go. I need a quick shower. I have some work to do that I've neglected today."

Parker rushed out of her room. Grabbing a towel, Sam walked to her bathroom. She undressed quickly and stood in front of her mirror. She was covered in a mix of bite and love marks. Just as she knew Jack was. Her nails had dug into his skin too. She'd stopped thinking… For a while, it was just them and the frantic search for release, over and over again.

She smiled… It wasn't the best solution but at least, for now… It would do. She could now hang in there. Until his return from the cabin. She could hope that the new year would bring them some changes. That even if the USAF denied her request for retirement, things would be different. They would have peace and somehow everything would fall in place.


	92. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... Life got in the way xD

**Chapter 91**

**Monday, December 31, 2012**

"What? No Sam?" Harper asked the moment she opened the door of his parents' house to let him in.

"No." He shook his head.

"I thought you were going back for her birthday," She frowned, confused. They all had hoped.

"I did," Jack answered shortly, getting rid of his jacket.

"Then what are you doing here?" Libby asked with a frown. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, J… It's just…"

"Aren't you two too damn noisy?" Sean said, rolling his eyes at their sisters. "J."

"Sean."

"Want me to get someone for you before you get to that crazy place we call the living room?"

"Nah. It's okay. I can face my family, you know?" Jack smiled. Sean nodded. He didn't comment on how the smile didn't reach Jack's eyes. Nor how he seemed lighter and more worried at the same time.

This time it wasn't any of the usual suspects but the twelve years younger, Finn. The one who usually kept to himself. He normally just listened to the family as they ran over whatever subject was at hand. He and Jack were sitting together by the fireplace, waiting for the family to finish setting up. Waiting for it to be close enough to twelve to eat, finally. The O'Neill family welcomed the new year with food, drinks, loud chatter, and joyful exchanges of love.

"What happened?" Finn asked. Jack just knew what he was talking about.

"Her kid found us. She broke her mom's favorite vase and got scared, it seems. We thought she freaked out seeing us," Jack sighed. They remained quietly watching nothing at all, before he added, "She chose her."

"You'd chose the kid too if you were in her place." Finn pointed, eyeing his kids.

"I know. I can't hang that on her. So, the kid explained to her what happened. She came to my house to talk," Jack kept to himself the rest of the story. Finn and his family didn't need to know just how low Sam had gotten. Probably they didn't need to know how low he'd gotten. Offering her his body in exchange for a few more moments shared with her. A few more moments of feeling at peace.

'I'm such a whore.' He thought.

"So, why didn't you bring her?" Finn asked. Dragging Jack from his thoughts.

"We aren't there yet." He shrugged.

"You know… We know our family is loud and cheery and so Goddamned noisy." They both chuckled at his description. "But hasn't she been away from everything she knew for long enough? Who says this isn't exactly what she needs? A place where no one would judge her because truly, we have no clue who she was before. Except that she loved you and you loved her."

"She has a kid," Jack stated. As if that was the clue to solving every existing mystery. Finn eyed at him and shook his head.

"So? Haven't you noticed? We all do… I bet the kid would love this loud place. I bet mom and dad would spoil her rotten in minutes. Think about it, Jack. Maybe they need to remember how it's like to be loved out loud." With that, Finn patted his knee and stood up, and left Jack to wonder when had his little brother become so insightful.

Soon… The new year was there, and they were all cheering loud. "Now you got another 365 opportunities to fix it, Jack." Shannon had said to his ear as she embraced him tightly. "She needs you. She doesn't know quite how to get to you, but she needs you. They both do."

When she left him, Jack downed his drink in one swift motion. 'She needs you. They both do.' He knew he needed Sam, but could he help her daughter if he could barely help the mother?

**Monday, December 31, 2012**

Sam had doubted. She knew both Teal'c and Janet would read the change in her demeanor as soon as she entered the room they were occupying. She was thankful that the extent of her love marks was covered under her clothes. Turtleneck longs sleeves and tight pants that left it all too to the imagination.

However, she couldn't do that to P. She couldn't "not-go" because she'd chickened out after what had happened the previous day. Not when she was simply afraid of what her (former?) friends would think. Way back then, she knew Janet would love to know much more about what had happened. Just like she would curiously ask more about her relationship with Teal'c. Sam had wondered how it would be like for them, with the symbiote bag being part of his anatomy.

"Ready?" She asked. As she donned a heavier jacket and Parker did the same while sitting inside the SUV that was parked outside Janet's home. Quite differently to their own house, Janet's was covered with Christmas lights. It gave it such a romantic glow. Sam always had loved that entryway so much. She couldn't help but imagine mistletoe hanging from the lamp as she stood up by Jack's side. Suckling her lower lip, she imagined how he would dip her low and kiss her senseless. As he'd done several times the previous day.

"Everything okay, mom?" Parker asked. Looking at her mom staring at the front porch as if was something unreal.

"Yeah. Rush in, I'll get the drinks." She watched Parker rush over and press the bell. Opening the backdoor, she noticed her forgotten bag with the drives, then Sam sighed. She wasn't ready to show them to him, anyway. It had been a nice attempt, but she couldn't get herself to do it. There was too much in them. The material in them was too raw or Sam herself was. She wasn't ready to release them just yet. Her soul had been bared in those little pieces of plastic and metal

"Mooom!" Parker shouted, bringing her back. Sam grabbed the few bottles she'd bought. Some fancy champagne and a few sodas for Parker. Just for that night. She finally closed the SUV and headed to Janet's door.

"Sam, come in. Parker is already inside," Janet said, waiting for her by the door.

"Got some drinks," Sam said. Janet grabbed them and waited until she got rid of her jacket.

"You know the way to the kitchen." Janet smiled. Pushing the drinks back to her arms. Sam smiled.

What surprised Janet was to see it was a real Sam smile. One she hadn't seen for over eleven years. She followed her.

"What changed?" Janet asked.

"Huh?"

"You… Smiled…"

"I did. Didn't I?" Sam said, frowning in confusion for a second. "I guess it's the familiarity." She said, sucking her lip.

"Huh." Janet squinted at her. "Can I ask you something? I don't mean to make you uncomfortable and all. So, if it does… don't answer. Okay?"

"Sure. Ask away."

"When you had that accident back in November…" Janet grimaced. "I'd put a request for you to take some Psych evals. I don't know where the paperwork ended up but… I guess since you never…" She waved and took a card out. "Doctor Moore is great, Sam. She has a private practice, in case you don't want people inside of the SGC watching you go to the SGC Psych ward." Noticing Janet's hopeful and worried smile, Sam took the card and nodded. "I know she helped me a lot. You know, with my doubts raising Cass and all the shit we've been through."

"Thanks, I guess. I'm okay, Janet. You really don't need to worry." The smile was genuine, shown from Sam. So Janet nodded, feeling a bit more at ease now with that.

"Anyhow, back then, I couldn't help but to notice the ring in your tags," Sam took a deep breath and got her chain out.

"This one, you mean?" Janet nodded.

"I'm… I'm married." Sam said. "Was that the question?"

"No," Janet said, shaking her head. Sam bit her lower lip, waiting for what it was about to come. "Does he know?"

"He?" Sam frowned.

"Jack."

"Ah. He does," she said. There was a mischievous glint in Sam's eye that confused Janet for a second.

"I don't mean to pry."

"Yes, you do." Sam pointed with a small smile. "But go ahead."

"You both seemed to be getting quite cozy on your birthday. So, I was just wondering if you two finally were connecting again… You know, like before?"

"It's complicated, Janet. Everything around me, it's complicated nowadays. I hoped it would be simpler now, but… Here we are." She said hiding the chain again under her clothes.

"Look, the thing is… I saw him waiting for you for the past eleven years, Sam. I saw him go through every single feeling that your disappearance caused. He never doubted you'd return to him. But now…" Sam chuckled dryly.

"If you want to know, Janet. As the friend you once were to me, I hope this is kept between us."

"Of course."

"He's the only reason I came back. He was the only thing keeping me going on my never-ending quest to return. There were so damn many times when I wanted to let go of everything. That I wanted to end it, so he'd get a chance to rest. So, he would get a chance with her… But I was selfish. I guess I've always been selfish. I've just never acknowledged it. I wanted him for myself. I wanted to get back to him."

"But you're married… What does your husband think about your reasons?"

"We haven't discussed my reasons yet."

"After all this time?" Sam laughed dryly.

"You have no idea, Janet. No idea at all how hard and complex everything is," she huffed.

"Then tell me."

"Tell you what? Everything is out there in the open. Just no one seems to see it." Sam added sadly. She started to walk away from the kitchen before she'd get low again. After all, it had taken her to get feeling better and not quite so blue. She couldn't risk it with Jack so far away.

"Wait," Janet said, making her stop. "You said _her_ … You said a chance with her. Who is her?" She frowned. Sam crooked her head, surprised by this. Parker laughed then, and Sam smiled.

"Isn't it obvious?" Sam shrugged in dismissal. "If I wasn't here. She'd get to know her father," Sam said. Her eyes focused on her daughter. She never saw Janet's widened eyes when she realized what Sam had just confessed to.

Parker was Jack's daughter. How could they all have been so blind?

**Tuesday, January 8, 2013**

It's not too long after the last time when she comes to find him. He's surprised that she does. He was sure it would take them longer. Take _her_ longer... Maybe at least a month before she would come to search for him again, but he can't kid himself. They were always better at showing things than speaking. She eyes him with this 'fuck me' eyes that he clearly understands clearly.

It's late, and they've been both stuck inside the base since they reached it bright and early Monday morning. Only an hour has passed since the scientists could finally confirm the allergic reaction SG-13 got from a plant, was not something that could get outside. If they left people, how hadn't had contact with it go. Sam was grateful it wasn't on Janet's shift. So, Parker was under Fraiser's care until she could pick her up in the morning, or after school.

While going through the files on her desk, Sam had found the paperwork Janet thought was missing. It seemed it was just her luck because Doctor Moore was stuck with them. So she decided to try. She had found her way to the Psych ward, at the same time Jack had.

"Generals," the airman in charge of keeping the doctor's schedule flinched. They both delivered the same document, a request from Janet for the counseling time. "Doctor Fraiser, said I should go with Doctor Moore?" Sam pointed. The airman nodded. They were three Doctors stuck inside. They'd cleared their schedules for the lockdown.

Doctor Moore seemed nice, concerned, and caring. Sam had really tried to make herself ready to talk and confess all her deep, dark, secrets. To spit it all out and try to fix herself. Eleven years of keeping it inside were heavy on her shoulders. So, she found herself unable to utter a word of what had happened. Selling herself as the sanest of the people. This other persona she had developed over the years was so well-rounded that the Doctor couldn't find a dent in her armor. Yet, it was too perfect.

"Do you know what the introspection illusion is?" The Doctor asked as they rose to their feet. Sam frowned. "Is a cognitive bias that leads people to make confident but false explanations of their own behavior. In this short time, I can't see why Janet thought you'd need therapy, but I can read it in your file. Yet, this won't quite work if you come here and outright lie to me. Especially when it's hard to tell if you are. I get it, you had to learn how to properly believe your lies to survive. Maybe you had some training to keep yourself from showing the physicality of them. I can help you, General, but you have to help me too."

Sam clenched her jaw but nodded. "Maybe not yet, but soon? I'll see you in a couple of weeks?" the Doctor offered to her back, getting another nod.

Sam saw Jack leaving another room, the same weary expression in his eyes. One that told her it hadn't worked for him either. That whatever was bothering him, he hadn't been able to let go either. So, searching for him when they're finally free to leave the base, made sense. She "tried" a Psych and didn't work, and the main issue that kept her grounded in her house was taken care of.

"Sir." She said in that tone. He had to clench his jaw tightly as it sends shivers down his spine, and a surge of need pooling down at his groin. She licked her lips then. He was more than ready to stroll to her side and pull her over his desk and take her right then and there. "I was about to go home," she added, biting her lower lip. "Then I remembered it's empty. It left me wondering…"

"Carter…" Jack let out on a husky tone.

"Care to join me, sir?" She added with a mischievous smile. It was daring, risky even, to let him in her sanctuary, but she wanted him there. She needed him there. Besides, it might be her only chance to get him on her bed. Since his was far easier to access with no one else there.

"You mean?" His pupils dilated and his pulse grew rapidly. "Your ... Hmm… House?"

"Yes, sir."

"Let's go." He said jumping at the chance. She chuckled richly. She had needs, he had needs, but she never thought he would jump so quickly at taking the chance.

They rode the elevator in silence. Tension building up as their hands grazed without connecting. He could feel the heat coming from her and his need growing with every second inside that thin can.

"Oh, thank the Lord!" Jack left out, as the doors finally opened on the ground level. Sam hid a knowing chuckle as they signed off.

"Too long inside, sir?" The airman asked, trying to make small talk.

"You have no idea, airman," Jack said. "Good night, kids. General." He said and walked to his truck as Sam signed out herself.

"Goodnight," she said and walked to her SUV. Jack was already leaving. When she'd barely turned her engine. Shaking her head, amused, she made her way towards home. Somewhere down the road, she noticed him driving behind her. Her heart fluttered.

Not too long later, he parked his truck beside hers and got out. He stopped to grab a duffel bag that he always carried in his truck.

"Came prepared?" She smiled at him.

"Yes, ma'am." He said. She lowered her eyes and licked her lips.

"Good." He stopped her. Grabbing her wrist as she was about to unlock the door to her house.

"Are you sure? I mean… That you want to do this… Here?" Consideration. Permission. Worry. Care. She gulped when she thought she saw something above care too. Without answering, she opened the door.

It was her turn to pull him in and close the door behind him. It was her turn to corral him against the door. It was her turn to get down on her knees and drive him crazy. Until he stopped her.

"Sam…" He husked. Pulling her head away from where he wanted her the most. "If you continue this, I won't…" She winked at him, sitting down on her heels and looking up at him.

"I'm sorry, sir." She sucked her lips. "You look so damn sexy with half your clothes on, sir."

"Don't sir me, Carter." He groaned.

"I believe there aren't any complaints from other parts of your anatomy, sir." She smiled mischievously. He grabbed her a bit too roughly by the neck and brought her up to her feet. He kissed her hungrily, and she whimpered. He pushed her against the wall. He turned her around, her chest pressed tightly against it.

"I swear to God, if you say something about a wall or a door, I'm going to…" he mumbled in her ears as his body molded to hers.

"The next thing better be fuck me so hard that I won't be able to speak, Jack." She said pressing herself against him. He growled, his hands found their way under her blouse. Before she could complain her clothes were off. Then she heard his belt colliding with the floor.

Warm hands were traveling up and down her body as she felt him by her entrance. She pushed back, and he was in. Groans and whimpers slipping from their throats as he settled inside. They didn't know who moved first afterward. All they knew was that she'd reached up. Her hand found its way to his head, bringing his head down so he could kiss her exposed neck. While the other one was pushing against the wall, keeping her in place as she rocked her hips against him.

His hand found purchase on her breast, kneading and playing with it. While the other one found reassurance in the sweetest of the spots. Thrusting in her as if there was no tomorrow. Feeling gloriously proud of being able to make such a smart and powerful woman into nothing but a raw sex Goddess that drove him insane.

"Oh, God." She left out. As her body flushed. He thrust harder and she let out a whimpered 'Jack'. Her walls clenching around him. Legs trembling but still going for more until he reached his peaks inside her. He pressed her against the wall, his legs losing the strength to keep him fully standing.

"Sam…" he whispered. Pressing a kiss on her shoulder. "I think you're the one with a thing with walls." He joked. She chuckled.

"Can you move?" she asked, risking a glance toward him. He nodded against her.

"I hope so…" He whispered, untangling himself. He looked down, his pants still at his ankle. He hadn't taken the time to get all his clothes off. He'd only needed her.

"Awfully clothed." She mumbled, looking at him with desire burning in her pupils. She made a slow show of undressing him. Knowing there wasn't much they would do until they both could get their breath under control. Although, she recalled he had needed little recovery time the last time he had her against a wall in his yard….

"Come," she said, linking their hands and pulling him forward.

"What about?" He asked, pointing towards the pool of his clothes and hers than now lay discarded by her entry door.

"You won't need them."


	93. Chapter 92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... Work is taking a lot of my free time too...  
> 93 is also back from Loverustal ... so I'll be posting it on the next breather I have (in at least 8 hours since it's 2:30 am here xD)

**Chapter 92**

**Friday, January 11, 2013**

They were hooked as junkies who looked for their next fix. It seemed once they'd started this, they couldn't keep themselves away from each other. Years of lonely nights claiming for their attention. The idea that he was going to spend an entire weekend without seeing her, without having her comfortably settled between his arms, sent him spiraling down with need. That's how he found himself knocking on her office door and wondering if she was there.

"Carter," he had said in that raspy tone. She knew what he wanted. If she was honest, she wanted it too.

"Sir," She said, but there was a small grimace.

"I…" he started. She saw the blush creeping on his face. She had embarrassed him while he was just requesting what she had so boldly requested before.

"We can't make it a night thing. I can't have Jessica watching over Parker and her friends the entire night." She stated.

"Then we'll make it count."

"Yeah, sure you betcha!" She grinned, turning her computer off. "I have a duffel in my SUV." She announced. He nodded. They didn't stop on her floor. It worried neither getting out of the BDUs before leaving the base.

This time, she was the one following him.

As it seemed to be the trend, they didn't make it to his room. The clothes got further in, though. The mixed pile of clothes was now on the kitchen island. Where he'd pulled her up and she'd wrapped herself around him.

There were no words, as per usual. There was no chat about how good or bad this was for them. There were no thoughts of consequences… There were just no thoughts at all, besides the raw need to make the other pant, groan, squirm, and scream. These were the delicious sounds of their lovemaking. He couldn't stop himself from finishing first this time. So he pushed her further on the island and finished what he had started.

He couldn't be prouder of himself when he'd seen her walk the line under the combined ministrations of his mouth and fingers. He pulled her boneless form up, embracing her tightly. They stumbled until they reached his bathroom.

No words left them as they passed by his bed. She stood there, gloriously naked, waiting for him to set the shower. They bathed each other, caressing the skin with soapy hands. There was not a sexual intent in them, but somehow it felt utterly healing.

They were getting there. Maybe this thing would be the way to go for them. Maybe they had a chance after all. Maybe soon they'd be able to word what was trapped inside their heads. He left her under the warm spray as he got dressed and found her all but forgotten duffel bag.

When he returned to her. She was sitting on his bed, wrapped in his towel. While toweling her short hair dry. He decided he could watch her do that every single day of his life. She looked up, found his eyes, and smiled. It wasn't quite his smile, but it was getting there.

She stood up and left her towel fall as he passed her the duffel. She grabbed it and turning around she dropped it unceremoniously on the bed. Fishing for some clean underwear. Jack walked to her and pulled her still naked form into an embrace.

Closing her eyes, Sam sighed happily. She turned around in his embrace and hid her face in the crook of his neck. Jack pulled her even closer. Hiding his face too, breathing in the mix of her and his soap. He placed a soft kiss where neck met shoulder.

For some reason, she felt bolder. She moved her face from its hiding spot and turned his, kissing him deeply, slowly. It wasn't so far away from the loving kisses they'd shared all those years before. She parted then.

"I need to go." She said. Jack nodded, freeing her from his embrace.

"I'll wait for you outside." He said. Since he wasn't sure he would be willing to let her go if he remained in there. He walked her to the door soon after that. She placed a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth and left.

**Saturday, January 19, 2013**

He wanted her. He needed her as the air he needed to breathe. But he doesn't want to come across like a sex-starved chauvinistic male. So… He waited. He painfully waited, taking matters into his own hands some nights. He can't believe he's been so driven lately. Taking away the night they had on the Prometheus. Jack hadn't had a partner since the week they'd finally got together. He hadn't needed to do himself so many times in a week while he'd waited over eleven years for her.

Now, it seems it's all he can do at night. And every other morning…. The fact that he gets to see her and not have her. Makes him considering taking matters into his own hands during work hours. But that's a no go. At least that's where he is drawing the line… So far.

He was about to go at it. When he's recalled to the SGC for some none-sense about alien Kings and trades she can't handle. It's fucking Saturday night… If he was just a regular John Doe, he'd be getting drunk in a bar. Picking up some woman to take home and have fun with. But work comes first.

However, deep down, his mind tells him he doesn't mind because he'll get to see her that night there. Nothing will happen because… Well, it's the base. But she'll be there, close to him.

It's 0300 Earth time by the time they finally resolve the thing. He thanks whatever God there's out there because he was always good at multitasking. The truth is, he was paying more attention to the way the button on her blouse was making a huge effort to keep it closed than in the treaty he'd agreed upon. He knows she knows, though. By the way, she's looking at him as if she's a starving lioness and he isn't more than the chosen prey.

He considers he might get to solve his carnal needs issue that night. But it's 0300, and he doesn't want to drive home. He doesn't want her driving home either. Yet, it's the base. He draws the line there.

"I'm going to get some shuteye. I'll be in my quarters if you need me," he throws over his shoulders. Not quite considering his words of choice.

The hard-on he gets when his boxers are caressed by the shuffling of the rough sheets isn't quite unexpected. He won't do shit about it, he's on the base.

Things get a bit more complex when there's a rapt on his door. He groans and sits on the bed, wishing whoever it's outside would just go away. Another knock sounds a bit more desperate.

"I'm coming!" He shouts. He opens the door, hiding his body behind the door. She looks at him, desire written on her face.

"I hope you do." She whispers. "Sir, the treaty is ready for your signature, but I thought we should discuss some points of it." She says loud enough for her to be heard by the guards posted not so far away.

Jack sighs. Opening the door and getting ready to sit awkwardly. While discussing politics with his so desirable wife. Because… 'It's the base', he keeps repeating himself. He sits in one chair in the room. There's no way she hasn't noticed it anyway, so he doesn't care.

But then she moves. He notices she's wearing a flowy skirt. Dark, but flowy. He follows the sashaying of her hips until legs are standing right in front of him. He looks up then, there's a mischievous smile on her face.

"You said we knew where to find you if you were needed." She husks out. He sees then how the skirt moves to land over his hips as one long leg is thrown over the side. Then the other one repeats its movements. He gulps, grabbing the sides of the chairs so tightly that his knuckles go white.

She isn't even touching him, and he is ready to explode. He looks down at the stupid button that had all his attention before, and she smirks. She leaves the folder in her hand on the table next to them. She caresses her way down her neck, chest, waist, and down to his arms. Finding his hand and unclenching it from the chair. She directs one hand to the button, and he holds his breath.

Repeating the process with the other hand, she places it over her thigh. Caressing herself with his hand. She stops when she knows he's noticed what has been lacking. His eyes widen and he blushed.

"But… It's the base…" he croaks out. She licks her lips and her mouth comes deliciously close to his ear.

"I don't care. I need you. Besides, you think we'll be the first ones to do this here?" She smirks. They know they won't. She looks at him before she moves her hips. His hand lands now where she wants him. She's ready, so damn ready, that he doesn't care about the line.

She notices she has his permission when the hand at the button moves, so she does too. She frees him and slides him in. It doesn't take long as they rock in the chair. They both know that this happening on the base made it so much more exciting. They try to keep it quiet and they do, as they swallow each other's screams with kisses.

Letting out a pant, she kisses him softly. This means so much more to her than he realizes. It keeps her sane. It makes her feel precious, but she doesn't tell him this. It would be too much. Too soon. Too private… Instead, she pecks his cheek. Telling him he needs to check the treaty. She untangles herself from him and heads to the bathroom to clean up.

She cleans him as he reads. He thinks this would be lovely if it could happen in the comfort of their own home. But this is what they have now. They are taking awful advantages as it is, no matter how far they still are from what they really want. He signs the document in the right places and gives the file to her.

He kisses her once more. Softly. Her lips are looking swollen as they are. She winks at him.

"Thank you, General." She throws over her shoulders as she walks out. Suckling her lower lip, so people think the swelling is her own doing. When she hears the rumor mill, the next day… she smiles. Still, no one is the wiser.

**Thursday, January 24, 2013**

He sits in front of her in her office. Dark eyes met hers, now dilated under the heat of his gaze. "I need you." He said in that raspy, husky voice that sends all sorts of wants and needs running rampant in her body. Without saying a word of acknowledgment. She picks up her phone from the drawer. The one he knows she'll pick before the third ring and it will be Parker, Jessica, or Jordan on the other end.

"Hi. I'll be late today. Yes, set the guest room just in case." Sam said. Not taking her gaze off of Jack's eyes. He smirked. It was almost as if she'd read his thoughts, but this wasn't the first time they had done this dance since he returned from the cabin. "Thanks, Jessica."

She raises her eyebrow, challenging him to say anything. He stands up, walks to the door before he lets out a loud "Find me when you're done with that."

'That' to anyone else that might have overheard sounded like just a casual work thing. While his eyes told her he wanted nothing more than having her sprawled near him. Sam didn't even blush under his eyes anymore. Wanting the same thing he wanted so desperately.

"Will do, sir." She smirked before the door was closed. She found herself closing her legs tightly to keep the heat from overpowering her.

She shook herself. When had she become this sex addict that managed to get through life just by thinking about all the things he could do to her? She wondered. Truth was, she didn't care. For him, she would be a sex slave or the most prude of the women around if he asked her so. She loved him that much. He now more than ever managed to tap into her darker side. Her needy side. Bringing it out in ways she hadn't allowed herself before.

Would this solve any of their issues? She doubted it. At least, they could pretend something was given out. That something had changed. She had, after all, just sacrificed Parker's time to be with him. Wasn't that just so much more telling than getting naked and primal under his sheets?

She shook her head, focusing on the paperwork on her desk. She'd better finish it quickly to get done with it and start doing him. She smiled... She was totally unaware of the conversation going on some floors above her head.

**Thursday, January 24, 2013**

There was a knock on his door. It was after hours, so his secretary was long gone. Truly, Jack was only around because he was waiting for her to show up. He hoped it was her. "Enter." It wasn't.

"Hey, Jack…"

"Daniel," Jack gulped. Worried now that he would find out about them doing this thing. This fucking relationship they'd developed. Daniel observed him for a while before he plopped himself in a chair in front of Jack's desk.

"You and Sam seem to be getting along better now," he prodded.

"Yes?" Jack said, hoping that would take more words out of Daniel.

"T and Janet seem to have more information about this development that they aren't willing to share with me. Should I worry?" Daniel asked.

"No? They are getting closer to her…" Jack waved.

"You remember when you mentioned she asked for retirement back in November?"

"Yes?" He still hadn't spoken to her about it. Not that he would either. She had asked. The JCS had denied it. What was there for him to say? Don't go? Daniel then did something that made Jack's stomach develop a knot. He pushed his glasses up his nose and licked his lips. Not one, but two signs of him being ill at ease.

"Jack, I'm not sure if you two are really on speaking terms. I know that getting information out of you is worse than pulling a tooth. She was always so keen on giving out information about everything, but not so much about herself. Now, I can only imagine it is worse. So, I'm not sure if you know this or not. If she had the guts to tell you or whatever…" Jack sighed.

"Can you just tell me what the heck you want to say? Coz you're not making any sense and you're making me kinda nervous, Daniel." He said, a bit harsher than he meant to. He knew whatever Daniel came to say would be about Sam. Truth to be told, they were still in a rocky place. In a fucking rocky place….

"Back in November, I went downtown to pick up a book I had ordered. I saw her."

"She goes downtown, Daniel. We all have to at some point." Jack almost rolled his eyes.

"Yes. I know that! But… I was going to say hello and stopped because someone else approached her. She smiled at him, embraced him. Then they went inside one fancy Italian place. I was so stumped by this I couldn't move. My car was parked just a few spots away, so I sat and waited. They came out an hour later, and I thought I was just imagining things. Right? She could've friends or something like that… I don't know, call it a gut feeling or distrust, but I followed her. Turns out, I wasn't the only one following her."

"Was she followed? Did you let her know that? This could be…"

"No!" Daniel shook his head desperately. "You don't understand. He wasn't following her, but he ended up parking just outside her house. She opened the door and let him in…. He was inside for another hour and a half. Jack…. I hope you knew this….. I hope I'm not screwing you up all over again." Jack clenched his jaw.

"Don't worry, Daniel. There's nothing left to be broken." Jack stated.

"Are you sure? Because, really, you both seemed to be getting somewhere… I really don't want to screw that but… I'm worried it will hurt you if you don't know about it…"

"Yes. I'm sure. Thanks, Daniel." He said. By the way he said it, Daniel knew he was kicking him out. Most likely to lick his wounds or mourn in private. Or whatever Jack did to keep himself seemingly composed on the outside.

Jack waited until his door was closed to rub his face tiredly. He hadn't expected that. But he had asked her if she was seeing someone before. She'd said no. Was she lying? Did this happen after he'd asked?

Still, their current agreement said nothing about love or a meaningful relationship. Although, plenty of love words were exchanged as they rocked together. There was plenty of healing being done under the pretense of just fucking. It was the care, the slow worship, the reacquaintance with what they had lost. Was it just all a lie? Or was it just in his mind that he thought this was getting them somewhere?

There was a knock on his door. "Enter" he called again. She peeked her head in. As usual, she was covered in her black attire, a backpack on her shoulder.

"Sir," she said. He stood up. He needed her to stop his current overworking mind. Maybe he would manage not to imagine her with someone else while she was tangled around him. Maybe she would manage to stop all his thoughts as she usually did.

"Let's go." He said, and they made their way topside.

It wasn't a rarity now. To watch them drive away almost at the same time. But their conversations in the base were so cold and neutral that despite looking like they were getting along better. It didn't spark all the fueled sexual tension that used to follow them around during the first years of the program. No one would've thought they would be going to his house for the reason they were going. No one could imagine just how screwed up their relationship was at that point. Still, they stubbornly refused to be the first one to talk. The first one to crumble. The first one to tumble the house of cards they had so eagerly placed around their silence.


	94. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... finally!  
> Enjoy!  
> (I'm still half asleep)

**Chapter 93**

**Thursday, January 24, 2013**

She felt it. The moment something had changed in Jack. Whereas he was all sorts of passionate before. Making her scream his name twice before he had thrust inside her. Now, he had stilled with an unceremonious grunt. She turned the tables, linking her legs with his and bringing him under her as she took control. He answered her movements with his own, but it wasn't the same. She could see he was thinking. She could see what they were doing was not achieving its main purpose.

Now, they were both thinking.

Sighing, she stilled. Her hands were placed firmly on his chest.

"You're thinking," she pointed out. Her eyes locking on his, but to her utter surprise, he avoided eye contact. She closed her eyes for a second, as despair took over her body. Something had changed profoundly. For the first time since her return, sex wouldn't cut it.

Throwing her leg up, she unlinked them. Then sat on the bed, her back to him. He didn't say a thing. He didn't move either. She stood up and disappeared to the bathroom. When she returned, she was fully dressed.

"Do you want to stop this?" She asked, masking her pain under harsher words.

"Do you?" He barked back.

"I asked first." Jack raised his eyebrows, not amused by her stance. "Fuck this. I gave up Parker time to be here."

"So, go! Go have time with that daughter of yours! Hopefully, she isn't half as cruel as her mother," Jack sneered, standing up and searching for his boxers. Sam gulped. Covering the pain of his words by clenching her jaw.

"Fuck you, Jack." She hissed.

"That's what you were already doing, wasn't it? You were fucking me until the next guy appears. I'm just a fucking fuck-toy to you, aren't I?" He shouted.

"What the heck has gotten into you, Jack?" She wondered.

"Into me?!" Jack asked loud, walking towards her. Cornering her against the wall. "You have a daughter, Sam! You have a fucking daughter! That means something."

"You say that as if it was a bad thing. Don't you think I've spent enough time raising her alone not to know I have her?" She wanted to cry, but she wasn't going to give him that pleasure. Not when she didn't have a clue what the heck had happened between the time he had her trembling under his touch, and now. "So, please, enlighten me! What the fuck do you think it means?"

"It means you fucked someone! You need two to get pregnant, don't you?" Sam's eyes widened.

"What the hell are you implying, Jack?"

"Answer me! Tell me how exactly you didn't fuck someone else."

"She's your daughter, for crying out loud!" She shouted back. Pushing him away from her. He stumbled back.

"The hell she is! Daniel fessed up that he saw you all cuddly with her dad. Was he at least the same man you brought home? You know, right after you told me you didn't have anyone else?!"

Sam was about to shout something else, about how much of an ass he was being with her. About how he was doubting her. When all she'd ever done was just to come back to him. When she'd not only waited for him but keep him under her watch. Protected him. Cleaning his name when he'd hired that escort…. When she'd raised their daughter alone. Hoping he'd still want her when they returned. Hoping that he could forgive her for taking so long, for allowing their daughter to grow without him. Then she processed what he'd said. She stopped open-mouthed and frowned.

"Daniel saw me with her dad?" She questioned in a whisper.

"So, now you confess!"

"No, Jack…" She frowned. "What I mean is… Daniel saw me? When? Why didn't he try to talk to me? Why didn't he approach me?" The confused expression she had while looking at him made Jack frown.

Had he screwed it up now? Assuming what Daniel saw was a lot more than it was? Why hadn't he simply asked her? Why had he tried to erase all memories of this guy from her body? Making her pant and groan and scream his name as she peaked. Why had he imagined she thought she was that guy as he fucked her? Why hadn't he asked?

"A few years back, Davis asked Mitchell and Daniel to check a place for him. Somewhere in Wisconsin. Daniel said you were there, that you'd moved on. I didn't want to believe him when he told me. I got drunk that night, trying to convince myself you couldn't have moved on. Not without letting me know."

The pieces fell into place for Sam. The only night she'd ever seen him so drunk, he'd ended up with an escort in his home. Now, the words of the woman finally made sense to her. She covered her mouth with her hand.

"I didn't believe it for the longest time… Not until you returned, and I saw _her_ ," He spat. Sam laughed hysterically. She wondered what the fuck Daniel had seen to announce to Jack that she'd moved on.

"So, he saw me with a man?" She asked, shaking her head.

"Yeah."

"What exactly did he said he see?"

"You, being all cuddly with a red-headed tall guy. Then Parker being all cuddly too before he went away. Then you and Parker left too. Daniel also said he saw you with a man, back in November too. He said you took him home. Is that why you tried to resign your commission? Because he came to fetch you back to whatever life he can give you?"

Sam laughed, shaking her head as she figured out who the man was. She couldn't believe just how fucked up everything was in her life.

"I don't see what's so fucking funny!" Jack growled, punching the wall beside him.

"You haven't introduced them to your family, have you?" She asked.

"Leave my family out of this." He hissed.

"Just answer me, Jack! Has Daniel ever meet Connor?"

"What the fuck does my brother have to do with this!? Huh?"

Sam walked to a chair he had in his room and let herself fall in it. She shook her head, dropping her head to her hands. She had never thought that calling Connor would end up in something like this. She never thought she'd be accused of cheating on him because she was too damn weak to keep things to herself. She cried.

Cleaning them with the back of her hand, the stubborn tears just wouldn't stop. The dam was broken. She raised her eyes for a second to find him. The scorn, the rage, the disgust in his eyes breaking her again. Did she have any chance of repairing herself after this? Should she humiliate herself more? Telling him just how pathetic she was?

She gulped.

"Answer me!" He shouted again. She heard a glass collapsing against the wall. She wasn't sure where it had come from or where it had landed She just wanted to crawl into a tiny ball and disappear from the world forever.

"I was… I couldn't…" she sniffled. Then he saw something change in her demeanor. "I was too hyped, too worried, too anxious."

Her voice was the same as it had been in the trial. Cold, detached. He gulped, that version of her appeared because he had forced it out of her. She looked at him, her eyes were empty. There was no trace of emotions. Even after seeing her pointing a gun to her head, he'd done that to her. He'd pushed her to that point.

"We were close to everything finally being over. I knew I could screw it all up if I didn't speak with someone. If I didn't let my fears out." She took a short breath. "Jordan told me several times I should talk with someone, a priest or a psych. Jenna said the same thing. Since she was a lawyer and she hadn't managed to make me talk."

"A priest… You called Connor?" He asked, his heart beating wildly in his ears.

"Yes," she raised her eyes for a second. "Before you get mad at me for throwing what I shared with him over his shoulders. You need to know I asked him first if he was sure he wanted that burden. He said he didn't matter. So… We met."

"Of all priests in the world… You went with my brother?" He asked then, unbelievingly.

She stood up and walked past him. Her shoulders slumped. She was feeling defeated. If she had that gun now, she would have little doubts about what to do with it. The pictures wouldn't be enough to stop her. The world was too fucking painful to go on like this. She placed a hand over her heart that was aching and breaking.

"It had to be someone I could trust. God damn it, Jack! Of all people, you knew how many trust issues I had before… My years alone, knowing what I knew, just made it all that damn much worse. He's a younger you, Jack. If I can't trust your brother. What chance do I have to trust anyone ever again? Anyone else besides you?"

She said, but she couldn't look at him. She was ashamed of needing that comfort. She was ashamed of telling him she hadn't been as strong as people thought she was. That she too needed someone.

 _'You'll never be enough,'_ her mind provided her.

"And the man in November?" Jack asked again. Sam gulped.

"It was Connor again."

"So, he knows you have a daughter?" He said.

She clenched her jaw. 'You have' not 'we'.

"Fuck you." She said, grabbing her bag. She left.

Jack heard his front door slam shut. He heard her SUV engine being revved on. He couldn't move. What the heck had happened? He wondered. When had he become such an ass?

The image of Sam, gun pointed to her head, brought him to his knees. What had he done? He shook his head, standing up again. He searched for his cellphone and was about to dial her number. When the image of her being battered and bruised after the last time. When he'd called her after she had left his house in a wild rush, swam in his mind. An image of Parker also joined the mix.

No wonder she'd looked so damn familiar. It wasn't just Sam he was seeing, the pieces he dissected as if belonging to a stranger weren't from anyone else, but himself. His siblings and even his own son reflected in pieces and bits of the girl. Did she know he was her father? What would she think of him knowing he hadn't even tried to get to know her? His own flesh and blood…. He gulped.

He needed to know they were okay. But his hands were trembling too damn much. He was so damn scared of sending her spiraling down and forcing her to collide against someone if he called her.

It took him longer than usual to press the digits he needed. "Pick up, pick up…" he said as he heard the phone ring.

"Fraiser." Janet's voice came laced with sleep.

"Fuck, I'm sorry I didn't check the time."

"Jack?"

"Yeah… Sorry, Janet. It's… I…."

"Jack. You need to calm down. Breathe." She had received calls like this before. She'd managed to calm him out of a panic attack a few times. When he'd dreamed of scenarios where Sam never returned.

"Parker is my kid." He mumbled, saying those words out loud for the first time.

"Yeah."

"You knew?"

"Sam told me on New Year's Eve. I guess she thought it was obvious. It kinda was… but I was too blind to see it."

"Janet… I screwed it up. I screwed it up badly. You need to make sure she's okay."

"Parker?"

"Sam."

"What happened?"

"I… Just make sure she's all right. Make sure she does nothing stupid. Remind her that kid needs her. That she's the only person Parker knows."

"Jack…"

"Find her, Janet."

"And you?"

"I'll wait until you can tell me she's all right. We can't both be gone, not if we're all that Parker has."

**Friday, January 25, 2013**

It was barely two am as Sam hit this new low. She'd parked her SUV back home, but she couldn't go inside. She donned her heavier jacket and walked around the house and up to the rooftop. His rooftop.

The house would belong to him again if she was gone. Parker would belong with him if she was gone. Did she want to be gone? She wondered, plopping herself down on one of the chairs that were placed there. After all the work she'd done to return…. But didn't she deserve a happy life too?

Around two-thirty, she saw the lights of a car as it stopped by her curb. She wasn't ready to face him. Not again, not after the way he'd broken her. Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She raised it to eye level and frowned.

"I'm on the rooftop." She said hanging it quickly and hiding her hands again from the biting cold. She heard someone climbing the ladder. Soon she saw the head of her (former?) friend. "Fancy meeting you here, Janet."

"Sam."

"Please tell me you didn't come here to give me some more bad news. I'm not sure I can take any more of it tonight." She mumbled. Janet had looked at her. If she was honest, she'd never seen Sam so tired and defeated until now. Not even when Jack had stayed behind on Edora and she'd overworked herself out until they'd managed to retrieve him.

"What happened?"

"Life. Fucking life happened like a wrecking ball. I had no chance, I wasn't even a wall." She whispered. Her eyes were filled with a new batch of unshed tears. "I never had a chance, Janet. Not even after how hard I fought for one."

"Talk to me. I'm here. I'm listening."

"Isn't it a bit too late?"

"You're still here, aren't you?"

"So it seems."

"Then it's not too late."

Sam gulped. "I don't know who I am anymore, Janet. I'm so fucking different from who I was. I'm… I've done things."

"What can possibly be so damn wrong?"

"Everything. Me, you… Everyone! No one is the same, everything's wrong. I don't know any of you anymore, and you don't know me."

"You're right, but we're willing. We want to get to know you again."

"Then why? Why doesn't anyone ask me things? Why can't you notice I just can't untangle the mess that's in my head by myself even when I tried to search for help? Why do people keep assuming the worse from me? "

"Who did?"

"Daniel, Jack… Even you…"

"I never…" Janet started, but Sam shook her head.

"Who did you think Parker's father was before New Year's Eve?"

"I thought it would be someone you'd met during your new lives… I knew you and Jack had something more going on. Since his relationship with you was brought repeatedly during the trials. But I never thought Parker would be the result of it."

"Apparently, Jack thought the same." She shrugged. "You didn't truly know about us. But he fucking knew what we did during that week. I'm his fucking wife, for crying out loud! Why would he think so low of me? Why would he believe I fucked someone else the moment he was out of reach?" she asked.

Janet took a breath, surprised by her questions, and blindsided by her confession. But she pulled it together quickly.

"There's no next of kin in your file, Sam. There's no change of status either. I searched for Parker's birthday and there's nothing more than the fact that you have a child, and that's assuming that's the reason they classify those lines. As for the rest… I can sugar coat it for you, Sam. I truly can…"

"Don't… I don't need the sugar-coated version…"

"You both are so damn hardheaded that you'll be butting heads until you kill each other. Truth is, he never thought he was enough for you. He was hanging in there. Waiting for you, hoping you'd return. Because there wasn't anything else he could do. He couldn't even tell us until it was out," she shook her head. "You both are so damn alike, that it's amazing to see how you take the same paths of self-wallowing. If I had met you both when I was studying, I would've become a shrink. You guys are a fascinating case of insanity."

Sam looked at Janet not amused by her words

"I'm serious, Sam. I'm going to say you guys need couple's therapy. Not to fix your marriage, but to get some deeper understanding of the shit you both have in your heads. You both need to let go of your fears. You don't go eleven years doing whatever you did. Raising a kid not even your closest friend out there knew you had until three years ago, unscathed. You don't go eleven years trying to come up with a way to find someone who's hiding from everyone for her safety without a scar or two. You guys need to talk. He needs to know what happened to you. He needs to understand there's nothing he could have done that would make things happen faster or easier. You need to understand that whatever you did it was worth it."

"You think…" Sam started but shook her head.

"What?"

"I made videos for him when I was…" she blushed.

"Has he seen them?"

"No. I took them to his house once, but I never gave them to him. I thought it wouldn't help. I thought it would make it all worse."

"It never hurts to try. If you want to try. It will be his choice to see them or not."

"What if he doesn't want to try?"

"He called me, Sam. Coz, he was terrified that his call would end up with you in another accident. That has to mean something."

The sun started to rise on the horizon, and Sam sighed. She stood up. "Come on, I'll make you some coffee before we both have to start our day for real."


	95. Chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work is busy, busy...   
> I do have 95 back... So, I'll see to squeeze posting it somewhere in my day

**Chapter 94**

**Friday, January 25, 2013**

"Auntie Janet?" Parker asked. As she walked into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Parker, what are you doing awake?" Sam asked.

"Mom," she smiled and embraced her mom's waist. Placing her head over Sam's chest, letting out a sigh of comfort. Sam rubbed her back softly and tugged her in closer. "I heard voices. I thought it would be Fred. Then I realized it was a female. Everything all right? Did you fix the issue at the base last night?"

"Issue?" Janet asked.

"Yeah, you know… the one that kept her at work. Isn't that why you are here, Auntie? When will I be older enough to get coffee?"

"Never," Sam grinned. "You stay away from coffee and love until I die."

"Isn't that a rather fatalistic approach at four-thirty in the morning?" Parker yawned.

"Maybe," Sam grinned. "Go back to bed P. I'll wake you up when I finish with Fred."

"Okay. No complaints here. Nice to see you, Auntie Janet." She threw over her shoulders before padding back to her room.

"Issue?" Janet said again, eyebrow raised in questioning. Sam gulped, blushed, and avoided eye contact for a while. "Not judging you. I get it."

"You do?" Sam frowned, placing one mug of coffee in front of her.

"Hell, yes! I've been a single mother too, remember? I get it... Kids don't come with a guide. Not even alien kids, if I might add. So, we do what we think is best. Then we terrorize ourselves with the idea that we're screwing them up, no matter how much we try not to. Underneath it all, we're still just humans. Just women that need some air and a breather occasionally. I don't know if you ever managed to take a breath while gone. Since you didn't have anyone out there to help you out with her. So, if that's what the 'issue' was… Time for you and your husband to reconnect without the kid in between… That's good."

"Until it's not. Until it's me who we're talking about. Then it's so fucking screwed up, that it ends up with a call to you! So you'd stop me from what? Killing myself maybe?"

"He was worried," Janet shrugged. Sam took a deep breath.

"I think he saw me putting a gun to my head."

"Figuratively speaking?" Janet frowned. Sam shook her head and sighed.

"His gun. The one that got Charlie killed."

"Whoa. Sam… you really need to speak to someone."

"Aren't we speaking?"

"Yes, but maybe I'm not enough. I'm not that prepared for those kinds of subjects."

"As my former friend, are you prepared to stay with me if I spiral down?"

"As your friend, of course, I am. Don't look at me like that. I never stopped being one, I never stopped wanting you back. I told you this before. I told you I'm here if you need me. I thought you just needed some time to figure yourself out first that's why I never prodded… But …"

"No buts, Janet. I won't kill myself. I didn't do it when I was desperate and alone. I won't do it now."

"Then why the gun?" Sam sighed.

"I'm not sure… I knew it wasn't loaded," she shrugged. "But I couldn't help it, I couldn't help to think that was the best path. That with me out of the equation, everything would be much more simpler for everyone. Sometimes I still think that me dying would've been for the best."

"Sam," Janet started placing a hand over her trembling one. "It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to have someone to talk with… It doesn't make you weak. I'm here. Whenever you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I'll just jump on your counter, so you won't have to double over to get to my shoulder." She joked. "I'm serious, though. You had my back. I have Cassie because of you. I'm…" She took a deep breath. "I'm here for whenever you're ready. Okay?" Sam nodded once.

There was a knock on her door. "That's Fred." Janet frowned at the name. "My trainer?"

"Ah. I should get going then. Maybe find a way to cover up the dark under my own eyes. God knows that rumor mill will come up with something as bizarre as that we'd had a three-way or something. All those sex-driven men have some imagination."

**Friday, January 25, 2013**

It's still early in the morning when there's a quick rap on his door not dissimilar to one he had received after Janet's birthday party. Daniel knows he's kept himself away from any alcohol. After that stint of his, that cost everyone more than he was willing to admit.

Vala rolled her eyes at him. As if she knew it what whoever was knocking on their door was coming to find. When she opens the door, she lets out a sigh. Before she asks loud enough for him to hear. "What has he done now?"

He doesn't hear the answer, just a whispered exchange, but if it's Jack… Well, he would be surprised if it was Jack. The last time he spoke with him, he'd just warned him of a possible heartbreak if they didn't talk. Maybe he was right, and that's why Jack's here so bright and early in the morning.

He steps out of the kitchen where he was having breakfast. Noticing the two women, arms crossed by the waist, looking at him as if he was the holiest asshole in the whole damn world.

"Sam?"

"I'll go to the store," Vala announced then, grabbing her jacket and walking towards the door. "Will you need anything? Some band-aids? A suture kit? Or should I just get a coffin?" She said but doesn't wait for an answer before she closes the door behind her.

Sam is glaring at him. He had been on the other end of that same glare before. Not coming from her, but her replicator. Maybe they're more alike than he'd given her credit for.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Daniel? What the fuck did I do to you?" She hissed.

"Me?" He asked, confused by her words.

"No, my fucking granny! Why the hell would you tell Jack I was fucking someone else?"

"I didn't tell him that!"

"Oh, then please explain to me, how he happened to jump to that exact conclusion, with the little he said you told him? Huh?"

"I don't know! I was just worried about him!" He defended. "I was worried he'd get his heart broken all over again because you'd moved on. You have a kid, Sam! You have someone who comes for you… Someone that kisses you and embraces you freely on the street. What does Jack have? A bone you throw him when you feel alone?" She chuckled dryly.

"Of all the people…" She shook her head, tiredly. Defeated. "You were my friend, Daniel. You were more for me than my own fucking brother!" Tears welled up in her eyes as rage surged fiercely with every one of her words, make them stronger, angrier. "The Daniel I knew would've never gone behind my back! The Daniel I knew… He would ask me first. Holy fuck, when did I lose your respect?"

"You didn't!"

"Then, why?" She shouted.

"I told you! I was worried about him!"

"And me? Did you ever stopped to think about me?" Her eyes never leave his. Until he couldn't bear it anymore. "Fuck, Daniel. First, you went behind my back and told everyone I fucked my way to a place I don't even want to be. I took this job, these promotions, that I don't feel I deserve, just for him to get back here. I came back to Jack. I came back so my husband could meet his daughter! I trusted that my friends would have my back. Yet, no one stopped to think about me, or my feelings. I wonder if any of you ever thought how close to the fucking edge I've been walking since I left. How hard it was to leave everything behind, to keep Parker safe, to keep all of you safe. When I was so utterly alone."

She shook her head, pinched the bridge of her nose. "You know what's worse? I'm not sure if this is even worth it."

"But… The man…"

"The man you saw me with… It was the same man both times. Is Jack's brother. But you wouldn't know that because you never approached me. You never asked me."

"Jack's brother?"

"Yes, Father Connor O'Neill. He made all the damn way back to Colorado just to listen to me. At least someone is willing to listen to me." She mumbled the last part.

"I'm sorry."

"I guess you were so worried about him, that you forgot I'm just human too. That I was just returning from almost twelve fucking years of being everyone but myself. Of hidden panic attacks, and constant fear of someone finding out where I was or who I was. Too damn quick to judge…"

"I said I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, sometimes I'm sorry I returned too. Sometimes I'm sorry I survived." She turned around and took a deep breath. She wasn't going to break in front of him. She couldn't break now. When she still had to be at work and pull her badass General out of some obscure place. "You care about him. You were worried about me breaking his heart. You never cared about how broken mine already was. So find him. He needs you now. Help him… Since you never tried to help me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, confused. "Help him with what?"

"Oh, you'll know. If not… I'm sure you can come up with your own fucked up conclusions. Since you're so good when it comes to me." She said walking away from him.

She found Vala sitting on the stairs. They exchanged a glance.

"I'm sorry." She said. "Sometimes he can be an ass, but he doesn't mean to."

"Yeah. I know. That's why it's so hard to hate him." Sam nodded in agreement.

"And so easy to love him." Vala agreed.

"Yeah," Sam couldn't help but smile sadly in agreement before she schooled her features again. "I'd be grateful this visit doesn't reach anyone else's ears?"

"Never. You have my word that it won't come from me."

"Thanks," Sam said, starting to move again.

"You both deserve to fix your lives, you know?" Vala added, making her stop. "You and Jack. I might not be... you know… human…" she mouthed. "I might have my years of screw-ups. But I know people in love when I see them. I just hope you both can find the way back to each other. Let me know if you need his butt kicked."

"Daniel or Jack's?"

"Either-or…" Vala grinned. "See you on base, General."

**Friday, January 25, 2013**

There's a universal truth that happens in every single office around the world, civilian or military notwithstanding. If the boss is in a foul mood, the entire office suffers. Cheyenne mountain complex containing two of the most top-secret places inside its bowels wasn't free of this, either.

It was worse too because there wasn't just one but two. It was easy to see how sour things were on the tenth floor where the HWS CO barked orders around. His floor was a chaos of people rushing to fulfill his needs. His pristine dress blues a contradictory image to what one person would be able to read in his eyes.

Seventeen floors below, things weren't that much different. SGC CO wasn't in a foul mood, per se. She was back to being the woman she'd had been during the few first months since her arrival. Her orders were delivered with a cold, detached tone that left no space for questions.

With the mix of how frazzled Doctor Fraiser was looking, when there had been no emergencies that had granted her an excuse. Or how Doctor Jackson had his eyes cast down and his shoulders slumped. Added to the fact that one of the night guards from the entrance had seen both Generals' leaving around the same time. Had the rumor mill going crazy. As Janet had guessed, there were several versions of why things were as they were. Including one where there was a ménage à trois that somehow Daniel had walked into.

The players in the rumors had heard them but weren't paying attention to them at all. Their minds running a mile per second with what they'd learned in the span of a few hours. And Jack… well, Jack hadn't poked his head out for anything else than barked orders that also included food requests.

So, when there was a knock on his door. The secretary let out a short prayer on the visitor's behalf.

"T." Jack hissed.

"O'Neill."

"What do you want, T,?" Jack asked, with a sigh.

"It's I who wonders how I might be of assistance."

"I don't think there's anything you could do to undo the clusterfuck I've created." Teal'c crooked his head. But didn't pressure him or asked more. He knew Jack would find the fewest words to say what he wasn't saying. "I have a daughter." He said.

"Indeed."

"You knew?"

"I've had no doubts since I laid my eyes on Parker Carter. The little girl looks remarkably similar to you if one is to pay attention to the details." He pointed.

"She does, doesn't she?" Jack's lips curved up slightly.

"She also is fierce… Like her mother." Teal'c pointed out.

"I don't know what to do, T. I don't know how to get her back."

"Her?"

"Them," Jack amended.

"If you want them back. Why are you speaking to me and not them?"

"Because I screwed it up, T. Isn't that why you're here?" Teal'c observed him for a while.

"I'm here because the people who love you had concerns about your wellbeing."

"The people who love me?" Jack said with a raised eyebrow.

"Janet, Vala, Daniel, and two very worried Carter women."

"They… She talked to you?"

"General Carter stopped by my office earlier this morning." He smiled. Thinking it was amusing that the same room he'd considered home for so long was now referred to as his office. "She said you might need my assistance. I understand Daniel Jackson has received such a visit too. Now, Parker Carter decided to call me bright early this morning. Just when I found out Janet wasn't near. Parker Carter was concerned about your well-being. She mentioned an issue that had kept her mother and Janet at the base yesterday. Janet was not held up." Jack rubbed his face tiredly.

"I was the issue. I mean… I was the reason Sam wasn't home after leaving the base. She… We… and I screwed it up." Jack sighed. "We were doing this… _Thing_. We were moving forward somehow."

"I noticed it."

"Yeah. Well, then Daniel said something and instead of asking her… I got angry and blamed her for things she wasn't guilty of."

"And now you stand corrected?"

"I do."

"Then ask for forgiveness."

"It's not that easy, T," Jack sighed.

The Jaffa stood up and gave him a small smile.

"I believe doing it is easy, O'Neill. Only thinking about it is a complicated thing. That brings ideas that don't belong in our heads. You both were excellent at showing how much you cared about each other before. Yet were awful at talking about it. Perhaps, it's time for you to show her, _them_ , how you feel?"

"What if she knows? What if she doesn't care?"

"Am I not here?"

"You are."

"Have I not mentioned why I am here?"

"You have."

"Then, in the words of a very wise man. Words that helped me find what I thought I had lost… 'It's time for you to show her how much she means to you.'" He bowed his head and left.

Jack shook his head. Recognizing those were the words he'd said to T. Back then, when he was doubting about going for a relationship with Janet. But it was so much simpler for them. Janet wasn't lost for almost twelve years. They hadn't had a kid he didn't know at all.

"Why do you keep throwing the curveballs to me? Don't you know how much I suck at getting them?" He asked, looking at the ceiling. Oh, well… At least Connor would be proud if he knew he now was asking questions to God.

"Screw this." He turned his computer off and walked outside. He needed to get his shit together. He needed to get as far away from everyone as he could to stop himself from screwing it up worse. He made a pit stop home before he left for the cabin. He needed to think and figure where he stood in the whole mess he had created. He needed to figure out how to solve it… There was only one thing he knew for sure… He wanted to solve it.


	96. Chapter 95

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made it! :P

**Chapter 95**

**Sunday, January 27, 2013**

Harper O'Neill was a woman on a mission. Jack knew this by looking at the glint in her eye. What the mission was? He had no clue. So, he let her walk inside his cabin and heard her blabbering about who knew what… He heard, but he wasn't listening. He wasn't in the mood.

Harper knew that'd be the case. She just needed to keep him distracted enough, so she could find what she was searching for. Knowing her brother as she did, she knew the thing she wanted (the thing she needed) was hiding in plain sight somewhere.

"Aha," he said as he plopped himself on the couch and watched amusedly how Harper perused his library as if she would find something new laying in there. He had placed nothing new since his 50th birthday.

Her truth was that she was tired of the game they were playing. They always let him do whatever the fuck he wanted with his life. Truthfully, she sick of watching him wallow, doing nothing about it. Especially after Shannon had mentioned the girl he hated was, in fact, his daughter. He was too blind or stubbornly closed off, hating her, to see it. If she was someone else. She wouldn't be able to understand why her usually blunt and direct brother was so fearful when it came to grabbing what made him happy. But she, like all the O'Neill's, knew too damn well why he was like that. Still, against her family's objections, she decided he was taking too damn long. He was sixty, for crying out loud! And not getting any younger… No matter how fit he still was. Above all, he deserved to be happy.

The entire family was aware he'd received a gift from Sam on his 50th birthday. The mailman was kind enough to let the whole town know that Jack had gotten some birthday gift from a fancy library in New York. Harper, being the romantic she was. Had an inkling there was more to it than just the book he'd carried when he said his goodbyes.

Her eyes widened when she saw it.

"Isn't Daniel Jackson the name of one of the guys you worked with? I think he came to town once or twice. You know, when you asked all of us not to mention being your family?" Harper said, picking up the book and leafing through.

"Yeah," Jack said. Unaware of how her eyes had widened when she found what she thought she was looking for. The book had opened in the middle where an envelope had been pushed deep enough so it wouldn't fall. She took it and slid it in the pocket of her overalls.

"So, is the same guy?" She asked. Closing the book loudly and turning it towards Jack, pointing to Daniel's picture.

"Yup."

"Huh, he looked hotter when he was here, but if you say it's the same guy."

"Harper? Whatcha doin' here?"

"Can't a sister pay a visit to her estranged brother?" She grinned. Then she huffed, "You want to be alone?"

"That's why I came here." She shrugged.

"Okay then. I'll go. But don't blame if someone else comes by…" She threw over her shoulders as she left herself out. She walked to her truck, turned the engine on, and grabbed the envelope. She checked it and smiled brightly. "You are up for a trip, Mrs. Harper."

**Monday, January 28, 2013**

The doorbell rang not too late that night, but Sam wasn't waiting for anyone. Sure as hell, there weren't any issues at the base since no one had called her. She was thankful for that since she'd just arrived home herself.

She'd ushered Jessica out of her house. Telling her she should enjoy those rare nights when she could get home early. The young woman had jumped at the chance.

"Maybe she forgot something in her rush to get out of here," Sam mumbled as she walked back to the front door. She peered outside and frowned.

"Whoa! No wonder people have a thing for people in uniform!" Harper said, looking at Sam. She'd a last hour meeting with the JCS. Instead of getting changed out of her uniform, she'd rushed out of the base wearing her dress blues. They needed a visit to the dry cleaner. So she'd just grabbed her bag and drove home. "Jack looks hot on those too. May I come in?" Harper grinned brightly, it reminded her of Parker's smile.

Sam shook her head. Harper O'Neill wasn't even on the shortlist of people she thought about when she heard the doorbell before.

"Wanna get changed? I can wait."

"Make yourself comfortable then," Sam said. She moved quickly until she realized it was her sister-in-law in her living room. The one that had openly embraced her the first time she met her. Then had thrown all those words back at her when they'd met in a different life.

"Mommy, you think we can have dinner soon. I'm starving." Parker said.

"Let's ask our guest."

"We have a guest?" Parker frowned in confusion. "Sorry, I was so focused on homework."

"Come," she said. Together they walked to the living room. "Harper, we were about to have dinner. Would you mind joining us?"

"We?" Harper asked. Hoping it would mean only the niece she didn't know and Sam. Turning around, she found a kid that could pass as one of her own and breathed again. "You must be Parker."

"Yeah. Parker McKenna Carter. So, food?" She grinned, making Sam shake her head in amusement.

"Sure. Food sounds awesome."

There was one thing Sam really liked about Jack's sisters. All three of them were chatty and could make conversation about anything at all. So, during those two days, she'd never been uncomfortable as she was jumping from subject to subject with them. Parker had inherited that skill. That was an O'Neill through and through. Since Sam was way shyer that people thought she was.

Before she noticed, dinner was done. Harper had offered to help her clean. Sam just knew there was no way to stop her sister-in-law from helping. So, the three of them had made a quick job of the kitchen. Soon, Parker was being ushered away to finish homework and then settle for the night.

"She's lovely. Fancy you picked McKenna as her name… Parker, daughter of the handsome one, huh?" Harper said wriggling her eyebrows. Sam blushed. "You did a great job raising her, Sam. Especially since she's so damn O'Neill. I know out of the experience just how handful we can be."

"She's not a handful. Just… Communicative."

"Yeah... Communicative. I like that word."

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please!" Sam disappeared to the kitchen again, but Harper just followed.

"What are you doing here, Harper?" Sam asked, turning around to face her.

"Meeting my niece and sister-in-law? One I haven't met and one I haven't seen in ages. Which brings me to the next question…"

Having an inkling of where it was going, Sam gulped.

"Delilah Benson. You know… Until recently I had forgotten the name. Then, I saw you on TV. Saying all those names and it hit me. I met one Mrs. Benson back in the day. J had made me believe that I had bad mouthed someone else. But it was you… Right?"

Sam took a deep breath and nodded once.

"Was I right?" Harper asked then.

"About?"

"You know… What I said to you?" Sam thought about it for a moment. She lowered a coffee mug in front of Harper and then grabbed one for herself. "You know, about not being you because you were so damn cold?" Sam took a deep breath. Nodding towards the living room, they walked in silence until they both were sitting comfortably. "So?"

"I'm not sure," Sam confessed.

"Hmm. What about this? Do you still feel this?" She said, passing her the envelope she had stolen from Jack's library. Sam frowned in confusion at first as she grabbed it. With an encouraging nod, she took the card out and she couldn't help the small smile it brought to her lips.

She remembered, albeit faintly, the image of the boy fishing at a pond. It was the 'Have a fishing birthday' what had caught her attention back then. Fishing, his keyword to remind her he was there waiting for her. Even if they hadn't even confessed their feelings before that stupid barrier.

She couldn't help but trace the golden raised lettering, in the same way, she'd done when she bought it. Unaware that Jack had done the same time and time again. She opened the card then and smiled sadly at it.

_It's taken you 17.855 days to reach this very important day. I love you. I might not be there with you, but I'm celebrating your life. There's too much I want to say, but as usual, it's never the right time. One day, my love. One day I'll see you again. One day I'll hold you so tightly that every piece that was broken will be suddenly back in place. Just hold them all for me. I'll be there… One day._

_Magnets, Jack. They can't keep us apart forever. I love you,_

_Always._

She read it and couldn't help the tear that fell from her eye. Until two days ago, he could still make her feel like she was complete. His hugs were slowly melding her back together, even if he didn't realize it. She sucked her lower lip for a second, then bit it harshly. When she remembered he had all but smashed the remainders just days ago.

Exchanging the card for the coffee mug she had laid on the table. She grimaced as nausea hit. She lowered the mug as fast as she could. Taking deep controlled breaths to avoid just puking up what she'd just eaten all over the carpet.

"Are you okay?" Harper asked, and it seemed a second before she was sitting beside her. "I'm sorry. I didn't know it would distress you so much."

Sam nodded once. Her world shifted, and she ran for the bathroom. The contents of her stomach were quickly gone. Her gut feeling going for the worse thing she can think of, as things are.

"You got to be kidding me," She said. As she splashed cold water on her face. Diving for her phone, she checked the stupid calendar. Yes, effectively she'd missed her last two periods. But she was so damn busy, sex-driven, and distracted that she hadn't noticed it.

"You are forty-four, Sam. It can just be menopause…" She pep talked herself, but at the same time, she wondered if God had a weird sense of humor. One that involved her being placed in situations that ended up being more than she could handle.

"Everything okay in there?" Harper's voice called out from the outside.

'No. Nothing is fucking okay here.' Sam thought. "Yes," she answered, nonetheless. She got out, the color had completely drained from her face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think this through." Harper apologized. "J always said I'm a fucking ticking bomb. That I just explode in the worse possible way. At least, I now know I wasn't right," she smiled warmly. "You're still the same woman I met. Or that at least you still love him as much as you did."

Sam shook her head and blushed. It's the eyes, she thought. There's something in the damn O'Neill eyes that she's a sucker for. "More than before, even…" she confessed. "It's just devastating that we can't seem to work. As if we aren't supposed to be together, no matter how much we want to."

"Why would you say that? I mean, I know J's back at the cabin mourning for you. When he could just be here and fix whatever mess could've been created by eleven years of unknown variables. If what you had isn't salvageable… Then there's no hope for anyone."

"I can't…" Sam gasped. "I can't be responsible for all the love in the world, Harper. Not when I struggle with my own."

"I'm not saying you're responsible. I just saying that yours is epic. It was amazing to see it in action. This," she said, touching the forgotten envelope. "The book, the dinner you made happen for him…. I know there's something he listens to too. Returning…. Everything is just proof of how much you're willing to do for him."

"And it was all for naught, I'm not worthy of it at all," Sam mumbled, not quite knowing why she was telling Harper these things.

"He's an ass," she blurted. "Yet, he's the best man you can find… I'll tell you something most people don't know. He's fucking terrified of having you back. Not for any of the reasons you might believe… The idea that you could make him that happy again petrifies him. Because every fucking time he was happy… Something equally wrong or worse happened to him."

Sam frowned.

"He married Sarah, right? We were still at the party. When he received his orders and got deployed. Sarah got pregnant after a lot of trying. He went MIA. They never recovered after that, though. Charlie helped… but he wasn't the same. He was afraid that if he gave up, something bad would happen. But Charlie was such a lovely kid… It truly was impossible for him not to cave in."

"Then Charlie…" Sam said. Harper nodded.

"Yeah. He was happy with you… and you've ended up going missing for all this time. Don't get me wrong, he's one of the strongest, most resilient men in this world. But that doesn't mean he isn't fucking terrified of getting you back. Maybe it's subconscious. Maybe he's just self-sabotaging himself. Thinking that by being miserable at least you have a chance of being happy. But you aren't, right?"

"No…"

"I'm here because I care, Sam. We loved you the moment we met you. Because he couldn't stop talking about you since he met you. We knew more about you than we knew about him. You're part of our family, whether you still like it or not. We want you back... and Parker. We want her to know us. We want her to know what it's like to have enough cousins that it can drive you insane. We want her to know the overwhelming love that somehow translates into very loud family meetings. We want you with him… Because you all deserve to be happy."

Harper stood up and Sam walked her to the door. The next thing she knew was that she was being embraced. It wasn't Jack's, but it made some parts of Sam's battered heart beat again. It gave her hope.

"You should come by the town, bring her. If you don't want to stay with him. There's an inn, and there's plenty of space in every house. It'll be good for you and for her to be surrounded by people who love you unconditionally. I'm sure she knows you love her like that, but I'm not sure you've experienced that since you left."

"I'll think about it."

"Don't think too much." She smiled. "Go kiss him senseless. I'm sure things will start to fall in place soon after that."

Sam laughed at it. Harper didn't know they'd tried that. She didn't know they'd been trying to solve their issues and fix their wounds by not speaking at all. Whatever happened. The only certain thing now was that she needed a medical appointment ASAP.

Shaking her head, she walked to her room and brushed her teeth. To try to get rid of the bitter taste of the bile before walking to Parker's room.

"Hey, mom. Ready for reading time?" Parker smiled, patting her bed.

"Yes. Let's do this." Sam smiled. She made herself comfortable on Parker's bed and they read as she caressed her daughter's hair.

"Mom," Parker said as they reached their last page for the night.

"Yes?"

"Who's Harper?" Sam took a deep breath.

"Ah, she's General O'Neill's sister," she answered with the truth while sitting on the bed.

"Really? Another one?" P said surprised. "And you know her too?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I liked her."

"Yeah, I like her too," Sam said, standing up and placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Mommy?" Parker asked again, making Sam chuckle.

"Yes, P?"

Parker doubted. Then sighed, she knew if her mom didn't like the question. She would simply avoid answering it. "When will my daddy show up? We've been ourselves for a long while now. Aren't these our forever names?"

What could she answer to that? 'I'm sorry, P. Your dad didn't know you were born. It's kinda half my fault because he didn't realize that you belonged to him. He didn't ask, and I didn't tell. Oops?'

She'd just learned that Jack had never realized Parker was his daughter. But he hadn't exactly come searching for them after he knew. Heck, Harper had just told her that he was back at the cabin. She took a deep breath and bite her lips to contain the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I don't know, P. I really don't know." She answered instead.


	97. Chapter 96

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's one of those days of neverending hours for Loverustal... still she has been amazing as usual and got this one out for you guys!

**Chapter 96**

**Monday, January 28, 2013**

He notices Harper's missing and wonders where she could've gone. Fear prickles his skin, remembering she'd come by his house with a mission written clearly in her eyes. Since she had said little to him, blabbering about who knows what as she usually did, Jack just knows there's something utterly wrong happening somewhere. He just doesn't know where, why or what… Despite that, he feels he should know.

Shannon is the one that gets to him that night as people are loudly mingling in their parents' house. He's standing outside taking in some air. Breathing in some peace before he has to go into the crazy loud insanity of his family.

"Hey, you hiding out here?" She asks, a knowing smile on her face. "What's wrong?" Jack sighs.

"Where's Harper?" He asks, looking at her from the corner of his eyes. Shannon sighs. "I'm going to be pissed off by that answer, aren't I?"

"Yeah… Kinda… but can you blame her? She drove herself crazy, thinking she'd mistakenly harassed an innocent woman only to find out she'd faced your Sam."

"She went to see her," Jack stated. Shannon nodded.

"I bet she'll get along nicely with Parker. As far as I can tell they're almost cut from the same cloth," she said with a smile.

"Parker's my daughter." Jack left out. He didn't think it would feel so good to confess it to someone, even his own family. But his heart did a somersault when he let those words out.

"I know."

"You know?" Jack asked, frowning.

"Yup. I've known for a while. I wondered why you never mentioned her being your daughter, though. Or why you didn't care about her at all. Or why she made you so damn angry."

"I…" he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I didn't know… How did you?"

"You mean besides the fact she could fit right in with anyone's kid and the blonde hair would have been the only thing helping us to figure out whose kid she was? Damn Jack, she's a perfect blend of the two of you."

"So, you just assumed…" He squinted. Shannon snorted.

"I'm not you, little brother."

"Then?"

"I went to her house and asked." She shrugged dismissively.

"You asked her? And she just said yes?" Shannon nodded. "And it never occurred to you to say something?!"

"Hey! Calm your tits, brother. I went to her house. I spoke to her. She was under the impression you already knew exactly who Parker was to you. That woman was terribly hurt that you would reject not only your daughter but hers."

"I didn't know shit, Shannon. I …"

"Yeah, we were there, J. You thought the worst."

"You should've just knocked some sense into me, why didn't you?"

"She asked me not to. I'm sorry, J. She had very valid reasons, and I had to agree with her. I thought she was right. I thought you got her file and read Parker's birthdate and dunno, counted back? I thought you were just having issues reconciling the fact that you know have an eleven-year-old that you know nothing about. But… You really were an ass that night. You completely shut the girl out."

"I thought she was someone else's daughter. I thought…"

"Again… I was there when you complained the first time. We were all have been there afterward too. You were an asshole. Fuck, Jack… She's the love of your life and you were ready to hang her out to dry because she had a kid. I never knew you to be so shallow."

"I wanted to like her, Shannon. I really tried."

"Oh, brother…" She smiled softly at him. "You were jealous and afraid. You're still afraid. Don't look at me like that. I get it. You've always lost everything when you were happy. It's risky… Putting yourself on that line again. You don't know if this time around you'll survive if you lose everything. But newsflash, Jack… That's life. We can't pretend to live in a bubble, protecting our own little hearts. We can certainly try. You've done that for years before she appeared. You suffered the entire time she was gone, and now, now that she's back… You're afraid to lose her all over again. But have you stopped to think all she had to lose in order to get back?" Jack gulped.

"I have. She lost everything, Shannon. She made a life for herself and gave that all away to return. She could've just stayed wherever the fuck she was. I still don't get why she returned, Shannon. I don't get it. I've tried to understand it but… It comes back blank."

"What if I told you she simply wanted you to meet your daughter? Or let's not make this about you, because I know you won't believe that…. But what if she did everything just so her daughter would meet her dad?"

Opening his mouth, he couldn't find anything to say. It made sense now that she would return. Not for him, but for their daughter.

"Oh, fuck. I screwed this up so badly, Shannon."

"That's the neat thing about love, Jack." She grinned. He raised an eyebrow, confused. "It's blind. I'm willing to bet it'll take some required groveling but… At the end of the day, she just loves you as much as she loves your kid."

**Tuesday, January 29, 2013**

Money has a bad name. It always had. For Sam, it comes in handy. She knows she could go to Janet and ask for the damn blood test to confirm her suspicions. Although, what she really wants to be confirmed is that she's just delusional, and it's just menopause. However, she knows better. She's been through this before.

Sam knows Janet wouldn't mind doing it and keeping quiet about it. Yet, there's the fact that it would happen at a military facility. The result would end up in a military database. That fact makes Sam decide on a private Doctor. She drops Parker off at school and gets herself to the base.

As easily as she used to connect to the SGC network, she walks herself out of it. To log into her home setup so there won't be registries of what the heck she's doing. It's nothing harmful though, she's just finding some numbers to try to get herself an appointment ASAP.

Money, she knows, is on her side this time around. So, when she mentions, she has no issue paying an extra fee so she can be squeezed on that same day, the magic works.

"I'll need your name to book the appointment, Ma'am." Sam's paranoia also makes a short appearance the moment the woman on the phone asks her for her name. Eleven years of being different people whenever she needed to get to somewhere that might create a record of who she was jumped in. For a minute, Sam's tempted to give an alias. One of the several that still work. The ones she'd kept, almost like a security blanket.

"Samantha Carter." She says shaking her head at her own stupidity.

Then she disconnects from everything. With the appointment settled, she calls Janet to her office. It's not so long before she's sitting in front of Sam's desk.

"Hey… Why am I here?" She wonders. Janet just knows the answer won't be anything too personal.

"I need to step out for an hour or two. Can you manage it?" She knows it's a dumb question. Janet has seen more horrors resulting from this base than she has. But the Doctor, her friend, doesn't say a thing about it, just nods.

"Everything all right?" Sam opens her mouth to say no. But, in the end, she just nods.

"Just something that came up."

"Are you sure?" Janet squints.

"Yeah."

Janet knows Sam's holding something back. But the truth is, Sam's been holding everything back. There's so little what they know of what had happened during all those years. Yet, she knows Sam's not only holding on the edge but using the line to jump around between her sanity and her utmost insanity. Holding together by two thin threads that go by the names of Jack and Parker.

"Can you let General O'Neill know? If he comes by…" Sam asks. Janet stops.

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Jack took off on Friday. According to Daniel, he won't be back until next week."

"Oh, right…" She shook her head. Harper had mentioned he was at the cabin.

"Sam… Is really everything okay?" Janet risks again.

"It's my life, Janet. I'm starting to believe it'll never be okay."

"Want me to stop by your house tonight? We can talk for a bit."

"Can I take a raincheck on that?" Janet eyes her. Sam's now more private than she was before, so Janet understands she wants to lick her wounds alone.

"Only if you promise you'll call me if you need someone to bounce ideas off of. Oh! Also, if you need someone to get drunk with… I'm pretty sure we could add Vala and Cassie to that in no time." Sam snorts at this and then laughs.

It surprises Janet to hear a real laugh coming from Sam. What she doesn't know is that it comes from being the nervous wreck she is. Or that Sam knows, deep down, that she won't be having any alcohol in the next eighteen to twenty months.

Leaving the base, Sam finds the address for the clinic. The moment she announces her name, everything happens really fast. She's sitting in Doctor Green's office in no time.

"Samantha Carter, right?" Sam nods awkwardly. "What can I do for you?"

"I think I might be hitting my menopause." She says, clenching her jaw several times.

"I see." The doctor squinted at her. "How old are you?"

"Forty-four."

"And your symptoms?"

"Symptoms?" Sam frowns. There are no symptoms. Besides the fact that she's missed two periods and a bout of nausea the previous day.

"Vaginal dryness, hot flashes, chills, night sweats, sleep problems, mood changes, weight gain, slowed metabolism, thinning hair, dry skin, your breast are less full…" the Doctor recites from memory with an amused smile. "I know, right? Sounds just like out of a horror movie." She grins. Her smile makes Sam feel a little more at ease. "So, any of those?"

"No?" Doctor Green frowns. "I always had sleeping problems." Sam shrugs. "It came in handy with my career."

"Age aside, why do you believe you're menopausal?"

"I noticed I hadn't had my period in a while."

"In a while being?"

"I've missed two periods."

"Okay. Look, I'll make the order so you can get the screening you'll need. It'll point us to what support treatment you'll need. How does that sound to you?"

"Perfect."

"I'll get the order ready. I'll call you the moment I get your results, so you don't have to go out of your way to get them. I can push for priority from my side. However, I'll ask for you to do this with at least 8 hours of fasting."

She calls Janet on her way out. To let her know she won't be returning to the base. Janet tells her she'll inform the next in line so they can reach her in case something goes wrong.

"I wanted to pick Parker up from school today. It's been ages since I've had the chance to do it. That's all." Sam says before Janet has time to ask.

"You miss that, don't you?"

"I do. I miss all the time I would spend with her. Now it feels like I'm abandoning her. The only being who was there for me almost 24/7 for her entire life."

"Enjoy her, Sam. They grow up too damn fast."

**Wednesday, January 30, 2013**

It's only when her phone rings and the caller id tell her it's from the clinic. That she finally has some time to think about how awful the day she just had was. Feeling a nervous lump in her throat, she closes her eyes but answers the phone, nonetheless.

"Carter."

 _"Mrs. Carter, the Doctor has your results and wanted to know if you could swing by the clinic anytime soon?"_ Sam checks her watch and notices she's just half an hour short of her usually leaving time.

"Yes," She says. Looking down at the dress blues she had to wear for a stupid visit they'd had earlier about some shenanigans that had no real purpose. It's done now, so she can skip the last part of her day and rush there. "I can be there in half an hour."

"Great, we'll wait for you."

She tries to escape, but she's stopped on her way to her room. Having been detoured to the science labs so she could help them with some math. She finds herself enjoying that part of her work. Noticing a bit too late that she's going to be late to her appointment, if she doesn't get the hell out of there right then.

The look of shock on the secretary's face tells Sam that the last thing she thought she'd see was Sam appearing on her dress blues. She knows they're imposing just as they are, but with her several wanted and unwanted medals it looks, even more, the part.

"Ah… Doctor Green will see you in a moment, ma'am." She says with a trembling voice. Sam nods, tapping her fingers impatiently on the desk. "Doctor, ah… Mrs. Carter is here. Yes." She says and hangs the phone. "You can go right in, ma'am."

The Doctor doesn't seem surprised by the blues; however, she looks a bit uncomfortable as she looks at Sam's results. "So, you're what? Colonel?" she asks curiously.

"Brigadier General," Sam says. What surprises the Doctor is the lack of pride in her words. "You've got my results?"

"Yes, General."

"Just Sam. Or Carter… or Samantha… just not General," Sam says.

"Well, Sam. You are not menopausal." The doctor grins.

"I'm pregnant, aren't I?" Sam says. Her shoulders slouch for a second as she says this. There's so much sadness and so much pain coming from her that leaves the Doctor speechless.

"Yes. I would say congratulations, but you don't look happy." Sam gives her a half-smile.

"It's a complicated time."

"I can tell you your options…" She offers.

"No," Sam shakes her head. "It's a life. I have taken too many as it is." She remembers having said this before when it was Parker in her belly. The same words were uttered to Logan Wales, back in one of the many lives she'd led. Since he didn't know who she was when she said it to him, the man's eyes were incredulous.

This Doctor looks at her after her statement. Sam finds only understanding. It's the uniform, she knows. That makes that statement all that much heavier than it would have been if she wasn't sitting there in her full-dress blues.

Sam rubs her face tiredly with a hand and then pressed it to the side of her head.

"Well, I'm sure there are some policies and all for your situation, Sam. However, if you want, I can accompany you through the process. Because of your age, you're considered a high-risk pregnancy. No matter how healthy and fit you think you are."

Sam nods in the right places as the woman explains to her all the tests she wants to run. All the precautions she'll need to take. Her mind is only paying half-attention. While the other half is simply panicking.

What the fuck she will do? How does she explain to Parker that she's going to get a sibling after all this time? How will she confess to Jack about this development? When he's gone, and they're even further away from speaking term now? And despite how much she doesn't want to take another life… How she can be so selfish to bring a child into the world of chaos that her life constantly is?


	98. Chapter 97

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go... sorry about taking so long :D

**Chapter 97**

**Friday, February 1, 2013**

There's a knock on her door a bit past midday. Sam frowns. She's not expecting anyone. There are no plans for her receiving people. The crew that will go to Atlantis won't need her presence to be sent off.

"Enter," she calls. Because it's the SGC, and a knock on her door could mean anything at all. She's surprised to find a young Major peeking his head inside her office. The smile he gives her is amazing and brings all sorts of feelings to her confused self. She feels like she's seen that smile before. Though she's sure she hadn't met this guy before in her life.

"Major, what can I do for you?" Sam asks. His smile widens.

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it's been ages since I've seen you, Sam. Although, I believe you've never seen me before." He says. Sam frowns in confusion. She checks his nametag.

Walsh. The name rings a bell, but she's had to learn so many names while meeting people in her several lives. She can't quite place where she's heard it before. She comes up blank. Major Walsh has the indecency to smirk at her confusion. He knows she has no idea of who he is, or how she might know him.

"Or maybe I should say… Grand Empress?" He offers. She sits straighter, her shoulders squared. The Major is impressed by her. Proud, too.

"Who are you?" She hisses. She wants to go fully defensive, but she feels at ease with the boy. He smiles then.

"You nicknamed me 'the kid'." He shrugs.

"You're the kid?" She asks, surprised. The teen who had joined the USAF to help her cause. The guy that had willingly put himself on the line and maybe into a career he didn't want to help her.

"May I?" he asks, pointing towards one of the chairs in front of her desk. She nods. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on staying here. Besides, the last thing I want to do is make your life miserable. I'm on my way out to Atlantis. There's some shit they can't figure out," he shrugs. "They need my ATA to make it work. God forbid, we send the old man to figure it out. When he can barely turn on his own computer, right?"

The details Sam has about the kid are few. Even if she's followed his career. Jordan had proved to her he was clean. However, even with all the data, she has about him. She can't make head or tails about what he's talking about. My ATA? The old man? She figures he's one of the few people they'd found that has the gene. But who the hell is the old man, then?

There's another knock. Janet's head is the one peeking inside this time. Her eyes widen in surprise when she notices the man sitting in Sam's office.

"Jon? What are you doing here? You aren't scheduled out yet." Janet says, adding one more layer to Sam's confusion.

"Janet." He grins. Janet's the one that looks at him with a frown and then looks at Sam.

"What are you doing here?" She asks again.

"Visiting a friend?" Jon shrugs. Sam panics for a second. Thinking Janet will ask how he could know her. Or why he calls her a friend. Instead, Janet rolls her eyes at him. He raises his hands in surrender. "I'm on my way to Atlantis. I was going to visit you and your gigantic needles in a moment. I swear!"

Sam looks at Jon Walsh. Utterly confused by the feelings, she feels and the way he's looking at her. As if he knows more about her than she knows about him. The way he jokes with Janet makes it all the more confusing.

"From time to time I think we should've let the Asgard dispose of you," Janet shakes her head.

"Yeah, but then you wouldn't get to see how hot I actually was while growing up, right?" He wriggles his eyebrows.

"Would someone care to explain to me, what the hell is going on here?" Sam manages to say.

"You didn't tell her who you are?" Janet asks in disbelief. She slaps the back of his head harshly.

"Hey! I resent that. Besides, I'm pretty sure you do that, coz you can't hit old me like that."

"Old you?" Sam tries again. She feels the start of a headache forming.

"Sam. This is Jack's clone. Jonathan Walsh. Also known as Major pain in the ass"

"Pleasure to meet you, ma'am." He winks. "So, where's my old grumpy self?"

"The cabin," Janet answers since Sam's seems unable to articulate a word.

"Janet. You think you could give us a moment?" He asks, noticing it too.

"Sure. But if you're part of the Atlantis crew, you need to be in my infirmary ASAP."

"Yeah, sure, you betcha!" His brown eyes never leave hers, not even when the door closes behind his back. "What did he do?"

"What?"

"You don't look happy, Sam. You look worried, tired, and utterly spent. I know you, Samantha Carter. I know how you look when you're happy, and this is not it."

"You're Jack's clone…." She says and remembers. "Walsh was your grandfather's last name." Jon nods. "I don't understand. Why did you help me when I was… Lost? Does he know you were in touch with me this whole time? Does anyone know what you did for me?" She wonders. His eyes shine with love.

"No one knows what I did. Once they allowed me to live. They gave me some funds and left me to myself. You know, being a grown-up stuck in a kid's body. So, I tried to learn all the computer mumbo-jumbo," he grimaced. "I really suck at it, but I contacted Jordan. Said we had a friend in common. Dropped his name, and my file where he asked me to."

"So, you joined us to know where I was?" She asked

"No. I was going to the academy anyway, right? There's no brighter future for me than something I'm decently good at. I knew I would end up around the SGC or one of the expeditions the moment they figured out who I was. I knew the old man had his hands full with finishing the war part of the deal. That didn't mean I couldn't try to fulfill the second part of what we needed for you to return."

"The end of the rogue NID."

"Yeah. I never thought it was so fucked up though. I'm sorry if I wasn't of that much help."

"You helped me a lot." She smiled.

"Now, it's been months since I read of your return to the land of the living. It's been months since I cut ties with 'Jnerd' and the 'Grand Empress'. So, why aren't you happy?" He frowned. She sighed.

"Life is complicated. You must know this."

"Let me tell you something. My shared memories go up to 2003. When I was created. I can tell you, I was in an awful lot of pain until then. Those videos you sent… Those kept me sane for a long time. I'm sure he kept watching them even after we separated. Trust me, it's fucking hard to get over you, Sam. You're the most wonderful thing that could've ever happen to us." She sucked on her lower lip. He knew she was fighting with herself not to break in front of him, which was weird. Since he had said nothing too emotional.

"Hey, you know what's the best thing about me? If he's dumb enough not to see how good you are for him. You can always find me." He winked, making her chuckle at the offer.

"So instead of you being sixteen years my senior, I get to be the cougar?" She asks.

"I wouldn't mind!" He wriggled his eyebrows. "I bet he'll kill me if he knew I offered."

"Why is so easy to talk to you, when it's almost impossible to talk with him?" She asked after a while.

"Because I know I don't have a chance with you. I lost you. Even if you're right in front of me. While he's still terrified that he will. We aren't that complicated, Carter. You know this."

"We have a daughter." She smiles. Both their eyes widen in surprise. She wonders why she could just say this to him when it took so damn long to come clean to Jack.

"We do? I bet he was ecstatic when he found out. I know I am." She lowered her eyes. "The fucker! Listen to me, Sam. I love you. No matter how much pain I manage to put you through. My love for you is the real deal. You just need to shake some sense into me. I promise you, we'll find our footing."

"Will we?" He stood up.

"Yes. Now, before I go…. Can I ask you something?" He lowered his eyes, feeling a bit ashamed.

"Sure."

"Can I get a hug? Hugging you always managed to make me feel safe."

"My hugs?" She says surprised.

"Yeah. Don't be so surprised. You've been there too." He smiled, opening his arms. She finds herself falling into his arms. He's Jack, and he isn't. She wonders for a second if that's what Jack felt when he embraced and kissed Doctor Carter all those years ago. She feels what Jon mentioned too, she feels that everything will be all right.

He places a kiss on the crook of her neck. Whispering an 'I love you' that almost breaks her heart for him. He winks at her before he disappears from her office.

When she's back in her chair, she can't quite believe what had just happened. She'd spoken with Jack's clone in ways she hadn't with Jack. He'd helped her behind the lines, and no one knew about it. There's one thing that he said that makes her think there's hope. He said he loved her. He said he did it for her.

So, if this is Jack's clone… What are the chances that Jack feels the same? She touches her belly softly and takes a deep breath. She needs to find out. Not only for her and Parker's sakes, but for the sake of the little bean now growing inside her.

**Saturday, February 9, 2013**

She'd thought about her chat with Janet in the wee hours of the morning for days. Thoughts that mixed up with the conversation she'd days ago with Jon. She'd packed the thumb drives with her videos to send them to Jack's doorstep, or office… Only managing to unpack them again and leave them in the same place they had been since her return.

Truth was that it's been fifteen days since the chat with Janet and over a week since she met Jon. Yet, Jack and she seem to be perfecting their little game of hiding and seek. Especially now that they both seemed to be hiding and none of them are seeking.

The rumor mill was as unhelpful as ever. The wildest ideas have come about as to why both General's seemed to be spending all their time inside their own offices since the last time someone saw them drive away together, poured out of SGC staff for anyone to comment on.

She doesn't care about the rumors. She knows they'll get even worse once her belly starts to show. Hopefully, around the fourth or fifth month, like with Parker. But she's tired.

She dragged herself out of bed, not quite ready to face the day. Her alarm had gone off ten minutes earlier. Now she was ten minutes too late on starting her day. Fred would be there soon. She needed to find the strength to face him.

Twenty minutes later, she opens the door to find him. She gives him a tightlipped half-smile as she moves out of the way. They make their way towards the basement. He's the only one who knows she's pregnant, if only because she was worried about their training and miscarriage.

"You look like crap, Sam. Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you don't want to go back to bed or I don't know, take a nap?"

"I need this," she said. He knows she does. He knows she's fighting her mind. That working out seems to help her not to think. He wonders how many times she would've lost it if they were sparring this week.

"Okay," he says. Raising his hands in surrender and giving her the first instructions. If he's honest with himself, she seemed to be getting worse. Whatever her thoughts were about seemed to be consuming her whole.

As he imagined, Fred ended up on the wrong side of her mood several times. At least, she wasn't actively trying to kill him. He thought. No, she was just swearing and cursing at 'him'. He was truly worried about her. About her mental state and what it could mean to that kid of hers or the one on the way.

He raises his questions an hour later. When they'd stopped training and were sitting down for tea. She avoided his questions and his eyes. Then the doorbell went off, and she frowned.

"There's a chance that's Mr. Craig, Sam."

"What? Why?" She asked, frowning deeper and standing up.

"I called him. You need someone to talk to. He seemed like a close friend."

"Fuck! Why people think they can just mess with my life?!" She growled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to mess with it, but I can see you're struggling. I can feel your struggle. I just worry about you. I don't know how else to help you." She clenched her jaw.

"There's nothing to worry about!" She hissed.

"What about Parker, or the one on the way?" He asked softly. Only managing to make her stomp out of the room. She opened the door without looking.

It wasn't Jordan.

"Of all the people that could be here at 0800 on a Saturday morning, what the fuck are _you_ doing here?!"

"Carter."

"No! You don't get to Carter me. Get the fuck out! Go back to your damn self-pity party and let me wallow in mine! Fuck, aren't you just quite done humiliating me?" She could see she was hurting him, but she couldn't stop her words from coming out.

Jack clenched his jaw. He was hoping for a punch, a really hard punch that would set him straight. Her words were far worse.

"I deserve that… and worse." He mumbled.

"Yeah, you do." She said embracing herself by the middle.

"I'm not here for you," he said, and she cringed. "I… Sam… We might not have a way back anymore. We might never find our footing back. But… She isn't responsible for it. I want to get to know her." He said. She slammed the door closed on his nose.

"Not Jordan?" Fred asked, and she glared at him. "I'm going now, but you need to talk to someone. You need to take better care of yourself. If not for you, for them…" Fred said. Leaving a stressed-out Sam standing irate inside her house.

He walked out only to find an equally stressed and irate man outside. "You are not Jordan Craig," Fred stated. "I'm Fred. The trainer."

"Jack. O'Neill. Two Ls." Jack hissed but took the offered hand.

"Ah," Fred said. He had heard the 'Jack' coming out of Sam's mouth several times. Asking him to help her. When he had her corralled and she seemed to be somewhere in memory lane. The 'I hate you, Jack' appeared a few days after she'd told him she was pregnant. But there was a 'Jack' in a pleading tone that had appeared more times than he'd liked to hear.

"What?" Jack frowned as the man assessed him.

"Don't you fucking dare to hurt her," Fred warned.

"Hurt her?!" Jack said a little louder than he intended. He passed a nervous hand through his hair. "Fuck! I just want to meet my daughter! For crying out loud! I've fucked it up with her mom. Don't I at least deserve to tell her I'm her dad? That I love her, even though I didn't even know she existed?" Jack shouted. He didn't notice the door had opened. He didn't see Parker's widened eyes or the look of shock in Sam's eyes.

"Your daughter?" Fred asked in confusion.

"Parker. I just want to meet Parker…" Jack said, his voice barely a broken whisper.

"You're my dad?" Parker's voice came out smaller than Sam had ever heard it. Sam wanted to answer no. Close the door again and pull Parker close. She wanted to protect her from Jack. Even if she knew how loving and doting he could be. It was Jack. He was the one who kept breaking her into pieces without even realizing it.

Jack turned towards her. Looking at his daughter for the first time with renewed eyes. "I am," he said.

"And you didn't know I existed?"

"No. I'm sorry," Jack said. Parker turned around and looked at Sam. Eyes filled with tears.

"You lied to me! All this time… You lied to me! I hate you!" Parker said and rushed towards her room. Sam closed her eyes as they all heard Parker's door being slammed closed.


	99. Chapter 98

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go... :D

**Chapter 98**

**Saturday, February 9, 2013**

Sam closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Parker hating her, rushing away, and slamming her door shut. While Jack looked at her, bewildered, was not exactly how she'd imagined the reunion happening. In her mind, that should've brought joy, never-ending hugs, some happy tears, and love… So damn much love back to her life.

She could be such a mastermind planning stuff. But fixing her own damn life was something she was terrible at. The events of the morning proving to her, once again, that what she'd wanted for herself was not even close to what she'd gotten.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she found the strength to look up.

She grimaced. What else could she do? Drop herself to cry on the shoulders of the man who'd caused this situation to begin with? Cry on his shoulder because she couldn't take it anymore and he was there… Available and looking at her with love and worry in his eyes?

She avoided Jack's eyes. The truth was she had pushed her anger towards him because he was there, and available. After she found out Fred had called Jordan to help her. Fred, who had been on the other end of her kicks, punches, and screams, had chosen to meddle, after all. Especially, now, when she knew Jordan wasn't doing so great either after his girlfriend broke up with him. So she hadn't found it in herself to tell him her own bittersweet news about the little bean on the way. Not wanting to burden her friend with her own despair and worries. His 'I'm not here from you,' might have come out from his own poor skills at communicating that he sometimes had, but it hurt in the worst of the ways. She'd felt his rejection of her. That he accepted it was all lost. They'd lost each other, and there was nothing more than just pieces of themselves to pick up... Also for Parker and the little bean.

God, she still had to figure out how to tell him about the one on the way! She cringed at the thought. Then, she raised her eyes slightly and found Fred looking at her, worry etched on his face.

"Come inside, Jack," Sam said coldly, to the love of her life. Breaking herself for treating him so poorly. When she wanted to be nice and gentle. She wanted to love him without restrictions. But she was afraid. So damn afraid he would continue breaking her. No one ever had so much power on her as Jack did. She was sure he didn't quite know exactly how capable he was of pushing her closer to the edge with so little effort.

"Don't worry, Fred. Jack is…" she sighed. She wanted to say harmless to make Fred a bit at ease, but she couldn't get herself to let that word out. Jack O'Neill might be harmless in the sense that he would never touch a hair of her head violently. But he had been constantly -and most likely unknowingly- breaking her apart.

Molding her.

Fixing her, strengthening her, and then breaking her all over again. So, she was once again dealing with her pieces, until she could reinvent herself. Set stronger walls and make herself unreachable. Untouchable by his overwhelming love.

"He won't…" She stopped again and forced herself to voice the next words. "Hurt me."

"Are you sure?" Fred asked, words laced in doubt.

Jack had to frown at that. Why would the other man even believe he was capable of hurting Sam? He didn't know him at all to be so quick to judge. This Fred couldn't know that he could go to extreme lengths to keep her safe. He had, after all, taken her to that damn safe house, away from him for eleven years. If only to protect her. Could he know what it was to let someone you love to be free? Seeing her disappear from within your arms with no means to contact her? Did he understand what it was like to know she was alive? That there wasn't a chance for him to find her without getting her into more trouble than she was, to begin with? Did he know how fucking much loving Samantha Carter hurt?

"Yes, Fred. He's right. He's Parker's dad and they should get a chance to get to know each other." Sam said, still avoiding Jack's eyes.

"I know you can take him if needed, but you've got my number. Call me if you need any help at all. Okay?"

She nodded and wanted to smile at the offer. But she couldn't. She was too damn broken to feel anymore. Instead, she followed Fred with her eyes until he waved at her from his car and drove away.

Jack was standing still by the porch. Not quite knowing what had just happened, after Parker had rushed away telling her mom she hated her. Not understanding why a perfect stranger could believe he could ever hurt Sam.

"Do you plan on coming inside? Or do I need to broadcast this to the whole damn world? So they can all see how much of a screw up I am?" She said bitterly.

"Sam…" he said, taking a step inside and closing the door behind him. "I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Oh, she did." She shook her head. "I know at some point she will forgive me for it, but right now… She does hate me."

"Don't do that to yourself. I'm sure she…"

"Stop! I know she does. Not because I'm victimizing myself here. I know she does because I know her. She's too damn like me… It's what I would've been feeling. Hating whoever lied to me and myself for allowing myself to be lied to. So, follow me or leave. I need to make her something to eat and I'll see if she wants to speak with you." She said moving towards the kitchen.

"What? No cereals?" He tried to joke. To take some tension out of the air. He failed.

"It's Saturday. So, no cereal." She said emotionless. "Have you eaten?" She asked. As she headed for the fridge to grab some bell peppers. He followed her like a lost puppy. He wondered if she knew he would follow her wherever she asked him to.

"I…" He sighed. 'What the fuck have you done?' he thought then. "Do you need help?"

"Now you ask?" She chuckled dryly. Shrugging before she turned her back to him and started cutting the peppers. She then turned the stove on and placed the peppers on a pan, broke some eggs inside them. "She likes how they look like flowers." She offered for no other reason than to let him know something about the girl he'd made all the effort not to get to know before.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, but the only thing he got as an answer was a slight nod.

He couldn't see her trembling hands or how she was fighting with herself to keep it together. He couldn't read in her mind how she should just stay around until baby two popped out of her, so she could sign away her parental rights. Let them be happy without her. Could she do it, though? Could she walk away from them? Leaving Parker behind? Leaving Jack behind after all she'd made to get back to him? Could she be strong enough to leave all she loved behind…. Again?

With her back to him, she set three bowls with yogurt, granola and grabbed a couple of fruits to throw in it too. She pushed one to him before she grabbed a couple of plates to throw the eggs on. She set one of each on a tray, placed some cutlery in, and squared her shoulders.

"Eat." She ordered him. There was no space for questions there. He noticed her getting some water and grabbing a bottle of pills from one of the cupboards. She took a pill and swallowed it.

"Headache?" he asked.

"Something like it." She said. Hiding the bottle back in its place before she grabbed the tray and walked away. Worry set in the pit of his stomach, seeing her so distant. So bluntly lying as to what she was taking. He waited until he knew she was far away enough to find what the heck she'd taken. He snuck into the cupboard and grabbed the pills.

_'Samantha Carter. 400mcg folic acid. 400IU Vitamin D. 300mg Calcium. 70mg vitamin C. 3mg thiamine. 2mg riboflavin. 20mg niacin. 6mcg vitamin B12. 10mg vitamin E. 15mg zinc. 17mg iron. 150mcg iodine.' He read._

"This is not ibuprofen at all," he said. He recognized the vitamins, but it wouldn't hurt to ask, right? So, he grabbed his phone and took a quick picture of the details on the bottle. Before he returned to the eggs and yogurt, she'd placed in front of him and made a quick work of them.

**Saturday, February 9, 2013**

Sam stopped in front of Parker's door. Tray in a hand and squared her shoulders before she knocked on the door. She knew what was coming from having created that experience for her parents a long while ago. When she was young and stupid, and she thought her parents were immortal. She was so wrong. Her mom had passed away just months after the last time she'd screamed 'I hate you' to her.

Her eyes teared up a bit, and she looked up so she could try to keep the tears at bay. She wanted her mom, now. A desperate hug that could fix everything, coming from the one person who loved her no matter what.

"Parker, open up." She said. Cleaning the tears that had stubbornly fallen with the back of one hand as she balanced the tray with the other.

"Go away!" Parker shouted.

Sam took another deep breath, opening the door, nonetheless. She lowered the tray on the desk. Then she turned around to watch Parker. The view broke her battered heart. Her little girl was hiding under her covers and had made a tiny ball of herself.

"I'm sorry, but I won't go away," Sam said, pulling the covers from her daughter's face. Parker fought with her for a while. "Look at me P, please?" she whispered.

The broken tone was what made Parker lower the covers and look at her mother. She noticed the teary eyes and the red nose. Things that she had always wondered why they happened were now caused by her, and she knew it. She knew she'd made her mom hold the tears back. To show herself as the strong woman Parker always thought she was.

"Yes, I know you hate me now, and… To be honest, I can't blame you, P," Sam tried to caress her face, but Parker cowered back. "I lied to you about him knowing you existed. But that's on me. So hate me, blame me. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. Okay?" She saw Parker struggle with that.

"But I let you convince me that he loved me!" She pouted. Sam embraced her tightly.

"That's the thing, P. He might not have known you existed, but I can promise you, that man outside… He loves you more than you know."

"But he pushed me away, he ignored me this whole time!" She cried on her mom's shoulder.

"Oh, P! I bet he has the explanations for that. I can't quite tell you why he did that. You need to talk to him. You need to know him." Sam said, pushing her slightly away to look at her face. P suckled her lower lip.

"What if… What if he doesn't like me, mommy?" Parker whispered.

"He will adore you, P. Trust me on that one. I'm willing to bet that he's more terrified about you not loving him back than you are about him not loving you. You're both so wrong…" She said caressing her hair.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you both… and I know you both." Sam gave her a watery smile. "It's just a lot more complicated for me to love him than it will be for you, P. Give him a chance."

"There's so much he doesn't know about me, mommy." She pouted.

"Yes. Yet, you have ways to show him, right? That's why we kept all those records. So, when the time came, you could show him. So, he could learn things he missed from watching you grow up. The time has come, P…"

"And you?" she asked.

"I'll be in the kitchen having some breakfast. I need to call Jordan too. I'll be right outside while you two talk and you eat. Okay?"

"No. I mean… Will you be all right?" Sam wanted to cry. Instead, she smiled and shook her head.

"How many times will I need to tell you, I'm the adult and I'm the one who should worry?"

"Until I'm old and I can come home back to you, to cry over a broken heart?" P asked with a shy smile. Sam chuckled.

"Wherever did you get that from?"

"Cassie…" Parker shrugged. "She said she lost one mom, and then Auntie Janet adopted her. That she couldn't imagine what life would be for her if she'd lost Auntie Janet too. I can't imagine what I would do without you, mommy."

Sam took a deep breath. What could she say that wouldn't be so fucked up, that would break Parker a little bit more?

"Then, I'll make sure you won't lose me for a long time. Okay?" She offered. Knowing that she had just taken her option of running away off the table.

"Deal."

"So, should I send your dad in?" She smiled. P's eyes widened.

"My dad…" She let out in an awed whisper. "I'll finally get to meet my dad."

"Only if you want to…"

"Want to? I waited for him for my entire life." She whispered back.

"I'll go get him," Sam said, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, P?"

"I think I don't hate you anymore."

"Yeah, you do, but it's okay. It'll go away, eventually. Trust me, it won't be the first time you do." Sam winked at her before she walked away.

**Saturday, February 9, 2013**

Jack heard her approach and took a deep breath. He could feel her eyes on his back and his heart started to beat wildly in his chest. This was it. He would know if Parker was willing to give him a chance after he'd behaved like an asshole with her. Utterly ignoring her whenever she was around.

"I'll take you to her room," Sam said. She saw the breath he was holding, being let out.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He turned around to face her then. "Why are you doing this, Sam?" He asked, looking at her, searching her eyes. He found a lot of things in there, but not exactly what he was looking for. She sighed and diverted her eyes.

Leaning against the counter, she embraced herself by the middle and crooked her head.

"Sometimes I wonder… If you knew me at all." She said. "Isn't the reason obvious, Jack? I know what's like to lose a parent. I know what's like to lose a father to stupid circumstances. To drive your family so far away that you don't get Christmas invites. Or that you learn your dad has cancer, and he doesn't want you to call him. I know what's like to try to fix a family relationship that's so damn broken, that it doesn't look like a family at all. I never wanted that for you. I never wanted that for her." She took a deep breath and fought tears again. It was hard to keep them at bay when she found tears pooling in his eyes too.

"Sam…"

"No. We might be screwed up. We might not have a chance, and we might not have a clue how to unfuck what we fucked up, but Parker doesn't deserve to grow up fatherless. She deserves to know how perfectly you love when there are no limits and no regulations. She deserves _you_ , Jack. She deserves the man I knew, the one that could mend broken spirits with his touch." A tear fell from her eyes. "It's just me who doesn't deserve you anymore…" She shrugged.

"Come, I'll show you to her room." The finality of her words and the steps she already took away from him. Took away any chance of replying. Any chance of taking the guilt and saying to her that the one who didn't deserve her was him. The one constantly screwing things up was him. That she'd made a bridge, and he'd burned it with his stupidity. She knocked on a door and a soft "Enter" reached his ears.

Sam walked past him, stopping for a second. She took his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "She loves you, Jack. There's no way you can fuck that up." She said. Walking back to the kitchen, leaving him to face the daughter he didn't know. The kid he'd neglected.

"Help me, Lord."


	100. Chapter 99

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are so, so close...  
> Happy Halloween to those of you celebrating it.  
> Happy Samhain to those of you celebrating that one.  
> Happy Beltane to those of you celebrating that one too   
> xD You know.. in case we don't manage to post another one so soon...

**Chapter 99**

**Saturday, February 9, 2013**

Jack O'Neill has faced wars, system lords, tech bugs, and a helluva lot of ugly looking beings. But he finds himself terrified of the girl that looks at him with mesmerizing blue eyes, so like her mom, that it hurts.

He recognizes himself in her too. Jack wonders for a second if that was a good or a bad thing for the woman who had to raise her alone. Looking at her, knowing that she resembled him. Did she hate him for some aspects of himself their daughter inherited?

"Hi," he manages to say and wants to kick himself for his lack of words. Daniel would've probably been better prepared to confront a situation like this, he thinks. Then he remembers, Daniel's words are exactly the reason he'd fucked up his thing with Sam.

Parker blinked, lowering her spoon. She licked off a cute yogurt mustache she had and gulped down her food.

"Hi… Mom says you're my dad." P says. Jack shakes his head, finding amusing that she reminds him of Harper of all his possible siblings.

"Hi. I'm Jack. I mean… I'm your dad. You can call me Jack, or J… or Dad? You can call me whatever you want really… Just please don't kick me out of here." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. Threading a hand through his hair nervously. Parker giggled. A Carter giggle. "God, you're so like her."

"Thanks," she said with a proud smile on her face. "I… Can I really call you dad?"

"Yes!" he exclaims. "I mean... If you feel comfortable doing it." He added then, in a calmer tone. "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous. I've never met a daughter I didn't know I had before…" He apologized. Parker shrugged.

"I get it. I never met a dad before. Want to sit down?" she asked, patting the bed. Jack eyed the place for a second. Nodding, he sat.

"Comfy."

"Yeah. Mom always made sure I had everything I needed and then more."

"She's great, isn't she?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, Parker."

"P… Mom calls me P unless she's mad at me, and then I'm Parker. P is good." She said seriously. Jack chuckled. "What?"

"My siblings... They call me J… I guess we should find someone that calls your mom S. Then we would be complete."

"You're silly," Parker said, shaking her head. Jack shrugged.

"I might be, but you shouldn't talk like that to your mom, P. She loves you, you know?"

"Yeah… I know. I was upset. She lied to me…" she cast her eyes down for a second. "She said you loved me," Parker mumbled. "She never said you didn't know I was even born."

"She's right, though. I love you." Jack said. The words coming out of his mouth far easier than he thought possible. Parker frowned.

"Then why haven't you ever tried to talk to me? To get to know me? I… Cassie, Aunt Janet, Uncle T… they all made an effort to at least speak to me when my mom was injured. I know I asked you to stay with her and make her feel safe… But… After she was back. You never came here. Then, when we went to your house for dinner…" She sighed. "I thought you were angry at me because I was talking. Auntie Shannon said I shouldn't worry, that you weren't mad at me. So, I don't get it…"

Jack took a deep breath.

"I'm an asshole, P. I can tell you the truth if that's what you want. Or we can leave it at that."

"Mom always said the truth was the way, no matter how much it hurt."

"That's right." Jack agreed. 'if only she would tell me the truth of what she's been through.' He thought.

"So? What's the truth?" Parker asked and suckled her lips. Jack took a deep breath.

"Your mom and I…"

"You love each other," Parker stated.

"Yes." He agreed.

"You got separated before I was born. Mom said bad guys were searching for us, and until we got our names back, you couldn't come for us. But when we returned…."

"Remember the day I saw you the first time? How I rushed out of here?" Parker nodded. "I thought your mom had forgotten me. That you were someone else's kid. I was an idiot. I should've just asked. Instead, I disliked you because I wanted to be your dad."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"Well, then we can agree I'm an idiot." He shrugged.

"I… We made something for you…" She stated, albeit a bit doubtfully. Getting up from her bed and finding the box with the thumb drives she'd collected over the years. She blushed as she presented them to him.

"What's this?"

"My life?" She shrugged. "For as long as I can remember, mom has been recordings bits and pieces of my life. When I was old enough, I started to talk to you too. I mean, not to you because you weren't there… To a camera, pretending it was you."

"You did?"

"Yes. Maybe it's silly," she shrugged. "But mom said I could talk to you and one day when you came back to us, you'll know all I've been through. She said it was time."

"Are you sure about this?" Jack asked, looking at her.

"Are you sure about being my dad?" P countered, squinting at him as if assessing him.

"Yes."

"Then… They belong to you as much as they belong to me. Take them. Maybe it helps you to know me better and then, this won't be so awkward for both of us?"

"Thank you, Parker. For giving me this chance…" he said, grabbing the box.

"It's not me you should thank for those. It wasn't my idea." Parker shrugged He smiled in understanding.

"Can I…" Jack started, then he shook his head.

"Can I… What?" She squinted at him again.

"Have a hug?" He asked hopefully. Parker grinned before she threw herself in his arms. Jack couldn't help but breathe her in. Wondering if he would ever get enough of embracing her.

"I love you, P."

"I love you, dad." Jack gulped and embraced her even tighter.

"I should go, P. We can figure out how we'll work this out, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan. Don't forget to watch me." She grinned, nodding to the box.

"Oh, God, no. That's my plan for the day."

**Saturday, February 9, 2013**

He had a stupid grin on his face when she saw him again. He was holding the box that contained the videos of Parker. Videos she'd made throughout the years, along with the ones Parker herself had recorded for her dad.

She remembered quite vividly how bittersweet it was to record every birthday and special event. In any other house, they would be just pictures and videos of a past that everyone remembered. In the worst-case scenario of hers, it was part of her safety net. Videos needed, in case of her demise. Videos that would help Jack meeting their daughter and raising her. Knowing what they'd experienced before.

It turned out that, for once, a best-case scenario would work out for those videos and Parker.

"She gave them to you," Sam stated the obvious.

"She did... I… Sam… This… Thank you."

"I'm sorry she couldn't… That I've never told you…." She waved her hands, unable to utter the words she needed out, to tell him she was sorry they had missed all this time because she had just assumed he knew. "She always wanted to tell her dad how much she loved him. I'm glad she gets to do that now. She needs her father. She needs someone that can teach her how to love right."

"You love right, Sam." He said, coming closer to her.

"Do I? Then why everything is so fucking complicated, Jack?" She mumbled. He lowered the box nearby and took a step closer to her.

"Teal'c said, we make it complicated." Jack shrugged. "I complicated things this time because I can't seem to keep my foot out of my mouth, whenever I am around you. I'm sorry."

He opened his arms. She chewed her lower lip. But who was she kidding? She wanted to be wrapped in his arms and find strength in him. How toxic was their relationship that she needed strength from the man that kept hurting her? That she kept hurting back? She shook her head and allowed herself to be wrapped in strong, secure arms.

Safety.

Home.

No matter how screwed up their relationship was, his embrace always made her feel safe. He always made her feel she'd arrived home after a hurricane. He tightened the embrace.

His truth was, he too needed it. Just like she'd said, his embraces could heal broken spirits. Hers was what had kept him together. He breathed her in. For the first time, not feeling the overwhelming desire to possess her, but the tremendous need to keep her safe and protected. To heal her.

He shook his head. Heal her? How could he heal her at all, when he too was broken? How could he heal her when he'd fragmented himself in so many tiny pieces that he wasn't sure he still had all of them? She sighed into his embrace. She got closer to him, and then she took a deep breath before letting him go.

Taking the box. He left without saying another word. They were never good with words anyhow. It wasn't until he'd dropped the box in the passenger seat of his truck that he felt the wet spot that her tears had left.

He closed his eyes. Her door was closed. Was it too late?

**Thursday, February 21, 2013**

Thirteen days earlier, he'd received the most precious thing he could've ever received. He'd struggled with the idea of watching the videos. He felt he didn't deserve to know what Parker had felt through the years or how she looked like… He hadn't been there for them. He'd treated them both poorly after their return.

He still had no major clues about what had happened then. More than when Sam had testified and when a hundred witnesses had provided from their own lives. He knew they had faked her kidnapping. They had pushed him to take her to the safe house. One truth remained, weighing him down… He had let her go.

Wanting to pour out himself into watching their daughters' videos and struggling with feeling that he didn't deserve to. Jack spent the whole first weekend just sitting with a glass of water and the box in front of him. He'd added one more broken glass to the ever-growing list of broken glasses. He wondered if his wall would, at some point, scream back at him to stop throwing things at it.

He'd shaken his head when noticing how delusional he was getting, and how it already was the last hours of Sunday. He was supposed to be at work bright and early the next day. Not even the thoughts about how ridiculous it was for him to bring along the box now when there was no reason to keep those safe. At least, not as safe as he'd had to keep the one containing Sam's videos. Not even that had distracted him from the feeling that he had to hold on to that box as if his life depended on it. He didn't even feel as stupid as he thought he would, as he held it tight as he slept for the first time since he'd visited them.

Monday came too soon. He'd had to drag himself to complete his routine and go back to work. The box never left his side. He'd even placed it inside the vault in his office before he headed for a late lunch. To avoid seeing her and the pained eyes he'd created.

He avoided her, and she avoided him.

They both knew that was what was happening. Meetings were suddenly canceled or rescheduled. Problems were solved through emails. Both were aware that Janet, Teal'c, and even Daniel were just that much closer to booting their asses together and locking them inside some storage room. If only to make them talk to each other.

However, they also knew that wouldn't work. They were so damn stubborn that chances were they'd just sit inside and wait until someone realized where they'd ended up and rescued them. Until Parker wanted to know where her mother was, or some epic screw up happened that needed the expertise of both of them.

They let them be. Hoping that they would find a way to talk since they had before. But things seemed to be more complex now. The length they were going to avoid each other was worrying. They all had been witnesses to both of them just doing a 180 if the other was in the room.

The rumor mill was going crazy, too.

It had gotten worse during the first week. When somehow, someone had brought up the uncollected bet from the start of the program. The one about both Generals. Someone else had added gas to the fire by mentioning the ring that hung from Sam's dog tags. Rumors about a husband coming to find her, as to why General O'Neill was incapable of getting her back, quickly gaining ground inside the base.

"If only they knew," Jack thought. Once the new rumor had reached his ears early the previous Friday morning.

Of all the people, Daniel had stopped by his office then. He couldn't help to bring up the box. "I'm sorry, Jack. I know I was an ass to Sam. I apologized to her. I know we won't ever be friends in the same way we were before she disappeared. That's my fault, but I really was just trying to be a good friend for you."

"I know. It's not your fault I didn't ask either, Daniel." Jack sighed. "That's on me. It's not your fault I was so utterly blind when it came to Parker. I don't know why you never spoke to her about it first… Anyhow… Things had been said and done. There's no undo button now."

"And that box the rumor mill says you're carrying around?" Daniel asked.

"Parker's. Can you believe inside it there are videos of Parker's life? That Sam thought about it and saved those parts of their memories? That they made _me_ part of their memories in all their holidays and special events, even though I wasn't there?"

"Whoa… Really? Have you seen them all?"

"No… Not yet... I'm…"

"You should, Jack. Haven't you lost enough time as it is? Who knows, maybe Parker's the bridge to fix what I fucked up?"

"You didn't fuck us up, Daniel. We did that ourselves." He grimaced. "You did screw up your chances of being her friend. It doesn't mean you aren't mine."

"Yeah, I know. I was an ass, but thank you, Jack… It really means a lot to me that you understand."

This short and charged exchange was what finally made him sit back and watch the videos Parker had given him. Daniel was right, he'd already wasted enough time.

He'd had started going through them that night. Poured over them during the weekend. He couldn't stop himself from leaving work early to sit back and watch his daughter grow in front of his eyes.

Birthday's, plays, games, her first steps, her first words, were followed by a sweet video of her telling him either 'Happy birthday', 'Happy Father's Day', 'Merry Christmas' and even 'Happy new year, dad!'.

He had chuckled between tears the most when he got a 'May the fourth be with you,' with a Vulcan salute. While Parker was wearing an Indiana Jones-like hat and some frilly bright pink skirt. Sam chuckled in the background, making his heart beat fast.

Jack couldn't decide which ones were making his heart swell with pride or break more. The ones where Parker talked to him like he was there and had always been there, or the ones Sam had recorded, and always ended with a whispered 'I love you, Jack.'

Tonight, he'd finally reached the last one. He pushed the last thumb drive on the TV and set it up to watch it.

" _Hey dad, it's me, Parker. Happy Father's Day, daddy. Wherever you are…."_ She smiled brightly. _"Mom says this might be the last one I get to do. I'm not sure if I'm thrilled about it or utterly worried. I love you, you know that, right? But… to tell you the truth, I'm terrified about meeting you."_

_"Do you love me? Do you care for me at all? Because I do… I can't wait to meet you and embrace you tightly. Give you all these, so you can know for sure how much I care for you. Maybe you'll even tell me, how come you let us go?"_

_"Mom once said we didn't have any other way. We had to get away because bad guys were chasing us. Why weren't you here protecting us from them? Will you ever tell me? Mom won't. To be honest, daddy… I think mom's worried that you don't love her anymore. I think she's scared. I think she misses you."_

_"I think she's missed you this whole time. I think that's why she hid in the shower and cried. That's why I pretended I never knew she did. We never talk about you, dad. It's too painful for her… Will you be able to help her? Will you love her as she is?"_

_"She pretends to be so strong that she doesn't care about the other people, but deep down, I know she's hurting. Because I know I miss you and I haven't even met you yet! So, it's not so hard to believe that she's feeling the same."_

_"Oh, well… We're coming back soon. Or so mom said, so… This should be the last time, I hope, I'll have to do this. I love you, dad. Come find us quickly, we can't live without you, anymore. We shouldn't have to live without you anymore."_

Jack gulped down the lump in his chest. Cleaned the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He hadn't felt this broken since Charlie's death. He was about to start them all over again when the doorbell distracted him.

He was sure it would be Daniel, or maybe Janet, coming to find him. To try to understand why he and Sam were still acting like stupid kids, instead of talking like grownups. Why he was hiding from everyone, pushing everyone away. Not caring about his state of mind, both had, after all, seen him in worse states at some point. Without the tears that welled up in his eyes, but close to this, nonetheless. Jack opened the door and his eyes widened.

It wasn't Daniel. It wasn't Janet… At all.

"Oh, God." She said.


	101. Chapter 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh... Is 100 the one where they finally grow up?   
> Read and find out! :P

**Chapter 100**

**Thursday, February 21, 2013**

All those years back, when she'd first started the recordings, Sam had wondered if it would be bad for him to see how much he'd missed. Then she thought he could decide that himself when the time came, (if the time came). That it was better to have them than regret it later, for not having done it.

Time, though, seemed to grow with every passing day. Unapologetically passing by, making her grow old without him. Making Parker grow without him. So, she'd kept the recordings of every special moment of their daughter's life. She'd let out a heartfelt 'I love you' before she ended every single one of those moments because she missed him every day and wanted him with them. The ultimate truth was, she was making those because she loved him.

Even if it was painful, they'd celebrated Father's Day in their own way. A special breakfast with his favorite chocolate cake. After that, it was Parker's time to talk to him. Sam had taught Parker, early on in her life, how to press play and stop so she could talk to him alone. So, Parker could confess her own feelings to her unknown father, without Sam having to bear with them.

She could pretend to be strong, but she just knew she wasn't strong enough to hear her daughter pleading for a love that she couldn't ever give her. She couldn't bring herself to listen to how deep the void created by his absence was. One that she couldn't do anything to fill up, even if she'd tried. That was also the first grain of sand in the avalanche of her self-hatred.

If there was such a thing as levels of hurt, Sam had walked through them all. Passed them with flying colors during the almost twelve years she was away. She had cried her heart out for him. She had missed him. She had loved herself thinking of him. She had walked the line, and the sidelines too, to return to him. Yet, nothing prepared her for the image of the man that had just opened the door.

His hair was a mess, sticking out in odd angles. A bit greasy due to all the times he had passed his hand through it. His shoulders were slumped, a silent witness to the weight he carried on his shoulders now. It was the eyes… _It had always been the eyes_ …. That had stricken her the most.

Soulful brown eyes covered in so much pain. Watery from all the unshed tears that were still swimming there. Trying to be freed and failing.

She gulped. Noticing the faint trail of tears that had gotten lost in his stubble, having marred his face weirdly in the places where he'd wiped them clean. She'd seen him cry before. When they were tangled and desperate to gain something out of the feeble time that was scurrying away from them. She had seen him cry for her before... Yet she wasn't sure she was the guilty party of these tears. For once, she wasn't sure she was the only one to blame.

"Merry Christmas, daddy!" Came out happily from his TV set. A short video Parker had added by herself, it seemed, because Sam was sure she'd had nothing to do with it. That had happened in a second. She wasn't even sure he'd heard those words as he looked at her in something akin to shock.

"Oh, God!" she left out and embraced him tightly.

His hands tangled on her waist, bringing her close. Feeling just like home. They didn't say a word. What else could he say that he wasn't already showing? She pushed their tangled bodies inside, closing the door behind them with her heel. Not letting him go.

The thing was, she'd been that broken before. The only thing she'd wanted back then was one of his powerful embraces, just like this one. She hoped it was enough.

She knew it wouldn't be.

He wasn't quite sure if he kissed her first or if she did. He couldn't care. They were both so damn broken, and he needed her. He needed her to help repair what he wasn't sure could be repaired. He had tried and failed before, and so had she.

She kissed him, or he kissed her at a languid pace. One that reminded them of the few times they had taken it slow. To try to win something in their battle against precious time. Tears mingled with their lips. Saltiness reminding them how fucked up everything was. He took a step back, pressing her against the wall. She chuckled richly against his lips.

"Always the wall," she mumbled but kept kissing him. Helping him to rid himself of his clothes as he got rid of hers.

It dawned on them both, the reason walls and doors keep appearing in their lovemaking. Jack understood he was trying to keep her trapped between himself and something tangible. Something that wouldn't allow her to scurry away from him before he had her surrounding by him. Sharing the haven of her being pressed against him.

Sam understood she wanted him there. _Needed_ him there. Pressing her against something that wouldn't allow an exit. Something that would keep her strong and firm. Grounded against him. Safely tucked in his arms as he brought her to new heights. Reminding her that she was his.

The wall, the doors… It only meant they needed each other more deeply than they had understood before.

She cried his name. He cried hers. Even before they joined. Even before they moved in synch in the rhythm of their own. Names were repeated as mantras confirming the other was there. Tight there where they were needed the most. Healing as they understood they needed each other to survive. They needed each other to heal.

They came together as Sam linked one leg up against his hip and brought him in deeper. He pushed hard against her. Pressing her as flat against him as her curvy body would allow. They didn't separate. They didn't talk… They kept kissing each other, searching for strength. For the immutable truth, that they loved each other beyond words. That no matter how fucked up everything seemed to be around them, they were still magnets pulling each other close. That no matter how words were lacking, they'd always been better at showing.

She lowered her leg. They cut the intimate link they were sharing. Still, he kept her pressed against the wall and she allowed him. He always was her rock. Just as he had always been hers. No matter that they needed something so stupid as a wall to act as a subconscious reminder of what they were really seeking.

Sam trembled. The cold sweeping in from her back, mixed up with the warmth coming from his body, sending shivers down her spine and raising all sorts of goosebumps on her skin. Wordlessly, he grabbed her hand and pulled her away. Their dog tags untangling as they separated. He walked her to the couch that he had been sitting on earlier.

He sat. Flinching for a second as his naked butt connected with the now coldish couch. Then he pulled her over him. She crawled on top of him, almost as if she wanted to be swallowed by his warmth. Her face found a hiding spot on the crook of his neck, and his nose and mouth played with her hair.

They were still crying, silently weeping. Mourning all that had been lost. Burning bridges and creating new ones. In the backroom, the TV went blue, casting a weird shade over both. Then it turned itself off and blackness engulfed them.

"Did they help? Or did they break you beyond repair?" She whispered. After a while, when their tears had run dry and their breathing had finally slowed down. Once their hearts were beating in synch. In the silence, she thought her question sounded loud and brusque. Quite harsh for her to ask such a blunt question after being so unable to ask anything or share anything with him before. He hid his face in her neck, his breath tickling her, his stubble leaving red traces on her sensitive skin.

"A little of both, I think," Jack confessed with a raspy voice. A reminder of how many feelings were there in between them. "I've seen her, Sam. I've seen what you've done to raise her. Now, talk to me. What have you done to come back to me?" Sam gulped.

It was her turn to hide her face, to search for some comfort. Yet, she took a deep breath and raised her eyes and found nothing but darkness. She chuckled.

"Darkness is always a good ally when you're to confess your sins," she said. Finding somewhat astounding that they were not only physically naked but willing to shed whatever veils remained between them. She took a deep breath wondering if she was finally ready to bare her soul to him and face whatever consequences it could bring upon her.

"You know mine, and you're still here." He said, interrupting her train of thoughts. Then he shook his head. "That's not entirely true. You knew mine… Maybe it'll be easier if I come clean first?" She nodded, prompting him to go on. "I searched for you, Sam. Even when you asked us not to. I searched for you and couldn't find you any fucking where. I kept watching those videos you sent me, but I kept forgetting you." He whispered. Taking a deep breath, he braved a look at her face. He caressed her face slowly, his thumbs finding closed lids. "I couldn't remember the shade of your hair or the exact color of your eyes by myself. I had to rely on SG-1 mission footage and those you'd sent to me, to remember you. How fucked up is it, that I couldn't remember the only woman I've ever truly loved more than life itself?"

She gasped for air and doubted about her next words. She had to let them out, though. "You know, the escort you brought home? She said… I should hurry up and return because I was breaking you."

"The escort?" He asked, surprised. "You knew? Oh, God... Sam… Nothing happened I was too drunk to…" A soft finger was placed over his lips, stopping him from continuing his unneeded apology.

"I know. She mentioned that, too." She gave him a self-deprecating smile. "You know, I would've understood if you did. It was years since you'd last been with someone. I understood that, when I found you leaving with her," she shook her head. "It fucking hurt, but I understood, Jack." It was her turn to caress his face, to learn him in the dark. "Trust me, I wasn't… I didn't know why I visited her. She told me that. I'm sorry."

"You… Did you have something to do with her disappearance?"

"Yes, but not because of what it could've happened between the two of you. But because I couldn't leave her around here. If someone found out…" She shook her head. "It was too risky. I'm sorry, Jack. She seemed like a nice woman. I would've understood if you wanted her."

"We certainly are something, aren't we?"

"We are." She smiled. "I made some videos too… I've been fighting with myself to bring them over and let you know my side of the story… I guess I wasn't as strong as Parker. You know, to put me out on the line like that again."

"Yet, here you are." He said. Then frowned. "What were you doing here to being with?" She blushed.

"I came to talk to you about visiting Parker. She's been on the edge since you took her box. She's worried about you not loving her. I can excuse you with work, but that can only work for so long, Jack." She whispered, resting her forehead against his.

"You want me to visit her?"

"What's so surprising about that?" She wondered. "I told you my reasons that day."

"And you? Do you want me to visit you?" He asked.

"No." She said, lowering her head, unable to meet his gaze. Ashamed of needing him so much. "I want you there for me, with me, all the time." He placed a finger under her chin and raised it to watch her. "I don't want your visits, Jack. I want you. I want us. It's all I've ever wanted." She gave him another half-smile. He could see how much it had cost her to let the truth out. It was risky in her mind to let it out, and he understood that.

"If that's truly what you want, Sam…" He smiled. She linked their hands and rested his hand over her lower belly.

"I want this one to know you from the start. I want this one to experience what Parker couldn't."

"This one?" He asked, frowning. Remembering then, the pills he had seen her taking. He had forgotten all about them, with his wallowing about what to do about Parker's videos.

"Yeah…" She shrugged. "I guess… We have to thank Shannon for it," she chuckled. "Well, and both of us getting so damn angry about Parker. Me, for the way you were ignoring your daughter at all costs, and you, well… Now I know it was because you thought she wasn't yours."

"We're going to have a kid…" He whispered in awe.

"We are going to have another kid," she amended. He frowned then. His watch had just ticked on the start of the new day. "Where's Parker?"

"It's Janet's free day today. So, I asked her if she could take care of Parker because I needed to set some things straight with you. She said she can use the bigger needles with you next time. If you don't get your head off your ass. "

"My head?" he asked, and she chuckled.

"I told her my head had been in my ass for far too long, too. We should've talked ages ago."

"I understand, Sam. You weren't ready to talk, and for sure, I wasn't ready to listen."

"Are you know?"

"Are you willing to tell me what happened? Are you really ready to let me in?" He asked caressing her leg.

"Hmm, keep doing that and I might…" she whispered. "Seriously, Jack… We need to stop avoiding each other. We can't keep doing that if we want this to work."

"I know."

"You'll need to push me for answers. You'll need to ask those questions that I'm sure I don't want to answer. I'm not sure I'll be strong enough to tell you if you don't. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let go fully of the need to protect myself, to keep lying to everyone, myself included. Because I've lived so long like that. Pretending to be so many different women and learning to be them all."

"Well, Mrs. O'Neill. I can tell you I'm terrified of asking those questions. I've been terrified of learning that you've moved on…" He sighed. She looked up and caressed his cheek. "But if that's what you need if you need me to pull the truth out of you, that's what I'll do."

"Mrs. O'Neill?" She whispered. Her eyes twinkling with happiness for the first time in days. If not months or years.

"If you'll have me, that's it." He offered, albeit hiding his face in the crook of her neck. Not sure if he could take a no for an answer. She pulled his face from its spot and kissed him.

"Always." She grinned.

"Tell me, Sam… Tell me everything…" He whispered looking at her.

"I don't really know where to start," she mumbled, fidgeting.

"The beginning? What happened after I left you at that safe house? How did you become Emma Irvine?" She sighed; her shoulders slumped. She moved away from him. Embracing her legs and placing her head on top of them.

"She was my first one. The cover-up for Samantha Carter. Sarah Morris, the woman who that day introduced herself to us as Kira, was my first handler. She taught me how to become Emma Irvine. She taught me how to bury Samantha Carter so deep that she," Sam shook her head. "That _I_ wouldn't come out. She taught me how to lie so perfectly that I could even fool myself." She took a deep breath. "It was really just luck that she was clean. Emma Irvine's handler wasn't. After becoming Emma, I was sent to Logan Wales or Rob Johnson… A Trust operative. It was just pure luck, that he didn't know who I really was until they killed me."

"What happened to Emma Irvine?"

"She became Isadora Willis… and I discovered I was pregnant." She grimaced. Searching his eyes for the bout of betrayal and pain she expected to find. Along with that, she found understanding.

"You said you never told me because it was risky. What did you do to protect her? How did they not know she was mine? How did you keep her hidden?" He wondered. Sam gulped.

"I checked the place I was given. There weren't cameras in my room. So, when I had a chance, I got someone drunk, and he passed out in my bed. Logan… Rob… He assumed it was his, an accident, a one-night stand." She grimaced.

"Smart woman. If you had a way to keep Parker safe. Why did you change names again?"

"Someone found out who I was, and no matter how well Isadora was settling in, I had to request a new life." She gave him a sad smile. "I had no choice."


	102. Chapter 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking! Can you believe they know how to do that?  
> Enjoy!  
> (We are so close to the end that I'm starting to mourn it xD)

**Chapter 101**

"Weeks later, I became Parker Bennet," Sam whispered.

"The one you said saved you," Jack stated.

"Yeah," Sam lowered her head, hiding it on her knees. Feeling an overwhelming shame of needing someone else to push her to save herself.

"The one that Jordan met."

"She met Jordan, and Jordan figured out my alter ego."

"The Grand Empress," He stated. She looked up. "That was the name in the chat we had way back then when you tried to rescue Teal'c." Jack shrugged. "Who is she, Sam?"

"Me… She's me." She bit her lip harshly. He moved closer to her. Caressed her face and placed an errant strand of hair out of her face. "She was a necessity. You knew me… You knew how I wanted to do much more than I could. To save the world," she chuckled dryly. "I couldn't do shit being me. Just a junior officer"

"You were bound by rules and regulations."

"Yeah. With little of a thought, I created her. It was risky and oh so rewarding, and I always was such an adrenaline junkie…. Back then, my nickname was something stupid I can't even remember. There was some shit happening, rumors of people abusing their power. So, I broke into the Pentagon, I have no idea what I expected to find, or how I was supposed to make any difference… But that action won me the title of Grand Empress of Hacking. My code was well known amongst the community because I was always helping around."

"And no one ever figured it out?" He frowned.

"Eventually, once I landed a post in the Pentagon, the USAF did. That's when they asked me to join the Stargate Project. To help them develop not only the software but the security of their network. That's why it was so easy for me to enter both sites. I'd done it before," she shrugged. "It also helped that no one found my initial server."

"Your server?"

"Yeah, it's hidden among the SGC servers since the beginning. I always thought it was the best place to keep it. Right in plain sight." She chuckled. "I used that to start digging for information. The Trust had figured out that I had to have hardware somewhere. They were going crazy, trying to find it. Wanting access to it, trying to figure out what I knew. That's why they brought McKay along for that incident with Teal'c. It was also why they wanted him on SG-1. To see if any of you knew where it was."

"But we didn't… We, well, _I_ didn't have any clues you had a server."

"No. No one knew." She shook her head. "McKay, though, he's clean. He wanted to access my code. As in Samantha Carter's code. To see if I was contacting you, and what else I knew. He didn't know I was the Grand Empress too. When he figured out, he posted a message on the dark web. Warning me about what he was supposed to do. I found it, and I cleaned my old SGC laptop from any access they thought they could get. I only could do that, because McKay had left it open and connected. Hoping I would read his warning and remove anything I needed from there."

"And I hated that guy!"

"Oh, for what I've heard, he can be an ass. A well-meaning one, but still an ass. Anyhow, as you know Jordan recognized who I was."

"The Grand Empress."

"Yeah, that's why he was so adamant that I could create my own company because he had seen what I could do. We worked well together. It wasn't until the last day in that office, when someone brought up my picture, that Jordan learned I was also Samantha Carter. It was also the day Parker Bennet died."

"What happened next?" He asked. Hoping they would be able to follow through with this. Jack knew if he was in her shoes, he wouldn't be able to continue for weeks if they stopped. So he kept pressing.

"The next few identities were a blur. Right from the beginning, my gut told me there was something wrong. It only added to my distrust that they kept giving me careers we all knew wouldn't stick. I was right. There wasn't enough time for me to do anything else other than try to lie low and fit in."

"Who were you when you send Jordan to the SGC?" Jack asked. Her face fell. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. That one was the one that hurt the most.

"Morgan Reynolds."

"How did she know what had happened at the SGC?" He wondered. That was something he had always wondered in the back of his mind.

"She was a schoolteacher. They gave me some extra money to buy stuff for Parker and I diverted it for computer parts."

"And the Grand Empress made her appearance." Jack grinned.

"Yes!" She said, standing up and embracing herself by the middle. "I had contacted Jordan for help before. With work and Parker on the way, I knew I wouldn't be able to take care of everything. I hacked into the SGC and I set up an alert system. I got the same error message when it appeared in the control room. I…" she sighed and looked at him. "I couldn't stop myself from trying to help."

"I had hoped you would appear out of the blue. When he showed up… I couldn't fully believe it. Not until he mentioned…" he waved. "The red underwear." He stood up and walked towards her. He embraced her and he breathed her in.

"I've missed this," she confessed in a sigh.

"My old bones crushing you in an embrace?" He joked.

"No. You, loving me until I feel that I'm worthy of it. Even if I'm not." She whispered, he moved away, turning her in his arms to look at her in the eyes.

"I still need to understand, why you think you're unworthy of me? When I know I'm the one who is unworthy of you."

"Morgan." She said, diverting her eyes. Unable to face him.

"I don't understand."

"Morgan was the beginning of me playing with people like I was being played."

"That's not where it started. You've said that to me before…" She shook her head.

"Before this mess… I thought I wasn't worthy of you because I wasn't all that gung-ho superhero-like soldier. Do you know? Like you…"

"I'm so far from a gung-ho superhero-like soldier that you've just offended all superheroes that exist." He joked.

"No, really, Jack. You've done things… Good things, bad things. You killed people and saved a helluva lot of people too." She waved.

"And you didn't? Fuck, Sam. You saved me from Edora. You saved your dad from his death by suggesting him as a host. You saved the world several times over, and all that, before you were forced to disappear. Then, you went and saved people who didn't even know they could or needed to be saved. So, please tell me, explain to me… Why you don't see this?" He frowned, confused by it all.

"Because…" she lowered her eyes. Taking a step away from him, turning away from his smoldering gaze.

"That's not an explanation, Carter. Even I know that."

"I played people, okay?! I played with a lot of people. I played with the law. I broke so damn many fucking rules that if you can find one I didn't, I'd be surprised!" She blushed, feeling the shame of being so far from the woman everyone thought she was. The fierce officer, the brilliant albeit naïve genius, the proper lady.

"Frat rules." He stated then, bringing her back.

"What?"

"You didn't break frat rules. You were out of the USAF when we got married, and we're still married now. You didn't break frat rules. Now you're stalling. Morgan…" She sighed.

"I was finally settled enough to be Morgan and have a somewhat organized life. It was the one name I held for the longest time. So long... That Parker was born as Jessica Reynolds. Kira found me that day. She asked what I wanted to name her and outright told me she knew Parker was your daughter. I don't know why she didn't add that to her file. To our file. I think, by then, she knew there was something fishy with the whole situation, just like I did…" She sighed. Pinching the bridge of her nose before she turned around with guilty eyes. "Then I died. They killed _me_." His breath hitched, and he brought her close.

"Mark organized your funeral," he confessed into her ear. "I was debating between believing you were finally safe and believing you did die. Either way, all I knew was that I'd lost you for good."

"Never, Jack. I was always there watching over you." She said, kissing him.

"It was so fucking hard not having you. Everything was so fucking hard, knowing how heartbroken everyone was. How I couldn't tell them you might be alive, because, at that point, I wasn't sure you were."

"I'm here now." Her forehead rested against his, and her hand traced slowly the contours of his face.

"Yes… You are." He said kissing the palm of her hand.

"At first, I thought it was a mistake. That they had killed me, and it became viral by mistake. Later, I figured out that what they wanted was to get me out of where I was. Logan… Rob… He had given Morgan away not knowing who I was. Thankfully, Kira was on to them. She restarted all the protocols, taking care of my case by herself. Parker and I hid on a farm for a while. Kira also told me I should get out of the program as fast as I could. That time was closing in on me."

"So then, you created the companies…"

"Yeah…" she sighed. "I began to lose myself around then. I hate the woman I've become, Jack. I hate me so much." She confessed in a terrified cry. He pulled her close.

"And I love you, her… All of you," Jack said, claiming her lips again. He didn't stop, neither did she. They fell onto his couch and made love once more. It was bittersweet with all they'd lost and what little they'd learned. It was reassuring and overwhelming. Her nails traced fiery lines on his back and her heels dug deeply, sending him further in. Pushing him closer. Urging him to go faster, to consume her whole. To free himself. To free her. Until there was nothing more to do than cross the line and collapse with trembling limbs.

"Want to continue your story or you think you need some a rest?" He asked, caressing her face once they calmed down a little.

"If I don't let it out now, Jack…. I'm not sure I'll ever tell you the rest." He sighed. Moving so she could lie half on top of him.

"Why do you think you've lost yourself?" He asked after a while.

"I took all the wrong turns to get here," she shrugged. "Like Maybourne warned both of us. I pushed people to do things I'm not sure they would've done otherwise. Just like _they_ did. I bought people out of their lives, offering them safety. That was fucked up because I was the one making the moves so they would need to change their names again. So they wouldn't lose their safety detail before I could get my hands on them."

"Yes, but it was that or a life who knows were under the Trust's grasp."

"It doesn't take the weight of what I was capable of doing from my shoulders. It doesn't make me that much different from them."

"Oh, but it does, Sam. It does. Here you are, worried about the things you did. You saved people from a different form of slavery. You didn't make them your slaves. You offered them jobs and a way to try to return to the life they knew. You offered them a miracle, and you fulfilled your end of the bargain. You're different from them, Sam. Because you care. It's that care what is breaking you." She shook her head and sat. He followed.

"What? Sam, you've killed before, you've got blood on your hands. You didn't mention that being wrong once. But toying with people to save them is what makes you worthy of self-hate… I really don't understand. I need to understand… Please tell me why?" She embraced her legs tightly and hid her face from him.

"I killed to survive. I killed because I was ordered to. I killed because there was no other choice. I killed because we were in the middle of a fucking war, Jack. I was a soldier, and I had to protect the country, the whole damn world!"

"That's all true." He said. "Yet you don't hate yourself for it."

"I do… It's just… There's an excuse. It wasn't something I did because I wanted to… That makes the world of difference, believe it or not."

"Sam… I don't follow you… I don't understand what you aren't saying." He said. She looked up; tears welled up in her eyes.

"I hate me because I did all I did because I was selfish, Jack. I did it because I couldn't live without you. Don't you see it? Everything I did before, I did for some heroic reason. Because of my fucking ego, or some misguided hero complex! But this… Sending people to jail, pushing people out of careers, leaving kids parentless, crumbling marriages with one partner ending up in a hole who knows were depending on the level of security they had…. All of that, I did it for myself! Because _I_ couldn't deal with not being me. _I_ couldn't make myself live a life without you. _I_ couldn't settle for a life where your child wouldn't know you. I did all of this for me… How does that make me different from anyone else that ended up in jail for my actions?" She covered her mouth with her hand, finally letting out what was eating her alive. Wording out the blame she had put on herself. He moved closer, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"You might think they ended up where they are because of you, but that's not right." He whispered. "They are where they are because they chose to take part in the shit, they took part in. You didn't push them to take bribes. You didn't create scenarios that would force people out of the lives they knew. You didn't try to get the brightest minds of the country on your turf and send them away to do some weird shit to alien civilizations that wouldn't stand a chance against them. You did so much more in your attempt to get back than you realize. Is this the same reason you think you don't deserve being a General?" he asked then.

"Yeah. I…" She inhaled deeply. "I wasn't going to return like this, Jack. I was going to present my resignation or retirement letter once I was back to being Major Carter. But… I don't know what the fuck is wrong with Hayes! He has this weird idea that I'm a wonder woman or something. He had Paul going to extremes to provide the background I needed."

"Davis?" Jack wondered, connecting the dots.

"Yes. Do you know he's the one who placed that resignation letter in my file? He made me and Hammond sign it without us even noticing it. He also slipped my reassignment letter to Hammond. Anyhow, they created this whole thing about me being on a mission for them. I had no fucking clue about it until he testified, and it appeared on the servers. I never knew about the promotions, because Davis never put them into the servers, until the morning they offered me the SGC."

"I knew Davis was onto something, but… I never knew what it was. If you didn't want to, why did you take it?"

"Pride? A chance to get back to you? I guess, subconsciously, I knew I would avoid finding you until I was ready. Here we are, and I still don't think I'm ready to face you." She shrugged, and he shook his head.

"Are you ready to get back to me now?" He asked, his eyes boring holes into hers.

"Yes." She whispered.

He took his dog tags from his neck and opened it to get the two rings that still hung from it. The blue rock from one shone in the light as they slid from the chain and into Jack's hands. She did the same, getting the ring that was once given to her.

"Samantha Carter, will you take my ring again?" He asked. She sucked her lower lip and nodded.

"Yes, Jack… Always." She said offering him her hand. He slid the ring on her finger slowly.

"Perfect fit." He said, his eyes twinkled. Then he placed his ring on her hand and she placed hers on his. Their wedding bands slid quickly into the place where they had belonged almost since the beginning of their journey. They smiled before he pulled her up and walked her towards his room. They finally settled comfortably in the bed. Snuggling so close together that it was difficult to say where one ended and where the other began.

"Sam…"

"Yeah?"

"You do realize we have to be on base in less than two hours, right?"

"Yup. There's a duffel in my SUV. Maybe you could get it when you get dressed?"

"Sounds like a plan." He said. "Wait… Sam?"

"Yes…"

"You're pregnant?"

"Yup."

"And we did all that? God, will the baby be okay? Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sam chuckled.

"Jack… Relax, everything will be okay."

"Are you sure?" he frowned, nuzzling her head.

"No, but at least I know whatever it happens, we'll always be willing to find each other."

"You sure you betcha!"

"Jack…"

"Yeah…" He trailed, caressing some lazy patterns on the bare skin of her back.

"I think we should take everyone's advice and see someone to help us deal with the shit in our heads." She mumbled against his chest. "You know, really talking to them… The one I visited wasn't that bad… Janet said she has a private practice too…"

"Are you sure about it?" Jack asked. She raised herself enough to watch him.

"You think asking for help would make us weak?" She chewed her lower lip. He thought about it for a second.

"No," he shook his head. "I think it would make us brave."

"Then… There's nothing to lose and the world to gain. Isn't there?"

"I guess you've gotten yourself another deal, Mrs. O'Neill." He smiled. She lowered herself on top of him again. Embracing him as tightly as she could.

"Sam…" Jack mumbled after a while, tightening his embrace. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Anything…"

"Why did you put my gun to your head?" He wondered. It was the question that had been burning in the back of his head since he saw it happen. She sat on the bed, embraced her legs, and sighed.

"Did it have any bullets in it?" She asked. Wondering if things had changed for him too, in those years.

"It had one… at some point. Then I realized it wasn't worth it. That I would cause more pain than I was suffering." He answered. "So, no. There wasn't a bullet in it when you held it."

"Deep down, I knew that. I'm not sure why I did it, Jack. I just felt drawn to it. Once the barrel was settled against my skin, I thought everything would be all right if I wasn't there. I've thought about it several times…" She looked at him. "I've thought about it my entire life."

"What stopped you?"

"Parker picture… and that…" she said, pointing to the picture on his bedside table. "Us. I guess the hope is the last thing one does let go of…"

"I guess it is." He said, moving back and pulling her into his embrace again.

"I love you, Jack," she whispered, placing a kiss over his heart.

"Magnets, Sam. That's just who we are," Jack smiled, placing a soft kiss on her hair. "I love you too."

"I'll set the appointments with the Doc come morning," she smiled, eyes drifting shut as she felt the safest she had felt since the day it all had started.


	103. Chapter 102

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww... this is so, so bittersweet... Thanks for joining me on this super angsty trip. I hope you all had fun, tears, and well, enough chuckle-worthy moments. 

**Chapter 102**

**Friday, February 22, 2013**

Sam couldn't remember a day in her life that she'd felt as tired as she was feeling today. She could only remember one day in her life where she was this happy. It was a hundred and forty-three months earlier, the day she'd become Mrs. O'Neill.

She looked like crap, too. With dark circles under her eyes, that were silent evidence of the rocky night she'd just spend next to Jack. Rocky, rewarding, and utterly delectable night of confessions riddled with overwhelming passion and so much love.

Jack had always managed to bring out her everything she tried to hide. Be it magical plans to save the world or more creative ways to be thoroughly fucked. She felt drained, but at the same time, lightweight.

It was impossible not to. Especially knowing that once work was over, Jack would be following her home. They would get to not only explain, but to show Parker what home really felt like. Then, drop the bomb that she wouldn't be the only kid in their family anymore.

Jack wasn't looking a whole lot better than she was. By ten am, he'd already depleted a whole jug of coffee by himself. Not even that was working to keep him fully awake. He couldn't be happier when lunchtime rolled around. He could be finally able to stop fighting with the files he needed to read but wasn't able to concentrate on, without his eyes closing on him more often than not. No, he definitively wasn't that young anymore.

By the time they went for lunch, the rumor mill was exploding with stories about how she'd smiled and he had, too. About how there were now wedding bands sitting in both their fingers, although no one fully knew how that could've happened. Rumors about how tired they both looked. How suspicious it was that Frasier was missing.

Lunch, though, was a casual affair as they sat with SG-1 minus Janet. They smiled in the right places and nodded at the right times too. Not quite speaking that much. They both noticed Teal'c's approving eyes, even when their friend didn't say a word. Not that he needed to. He was way better than them at conveying his emotions with a glance. They could say they'd learned from the best.

Teal'c had approached Sam later that day and eyed her for a brief second. "Happiness suits you, Samantha Carter." He said. "I hope this time it gets a chance to last."

"So do I, Teal'c, so do I." She hoped, and although he had his suspicions about the rings, he said nothing of the sort. He knew they would come clean to him whenever they were ready for that. Not that he needed the confirmation. He only needed and wanted them to be as happy as he felt when he could hold Janet in the nights.

A knock on her door interrupted the meaningful exchange, and Jack's head peeked inside. "Hey, mind if I join you?" He asked.

"Not at all, O'Neill."

"Carter, I was just wondering if you were almost ready to go?"

"I'll be in a moment." She smiled brightly at him. A smile that had finally reached her eyes. He smiled back. Teal'c ignored them both in favor of something that had caught his attention lingering on the shelves behind Sam's back. He walked to it and picked it up.

A blue pebble.

His smile grew large as he examined the small piece of rock. Jack frowned in confusion, and Sam turned around to find him observing it. She blushed.

"Do you know why I gave this one to you?" He asked. Sam nodded.

"You said it reminded you of my eyes." Teal'c raised the pebble close to her eyes level and turned towards Jack.

"Do you see what I saw then?" Teal'c asked him. Jack frowned for a second, and then he understood. They were the same shade of blue as Sam's eyes when she looked at him in the way she was looking at him now. Happy, loving, mesmerizing blue eyes.

"What?" Sam asked confused, crossing her eyes a little to try to see what they saw. Jack chuckled at the funny face she was making. "Okay, I'll give up! To be honest, I could never figure out why you thought it was the same blue." She shrugged, "It was just a nice memory to hold on to."

"Oh, but they are, Sam. Now, they are…" Jack smiled at her.

"Don't ever let it fade again, O'Neill," Teal'c warned.

"I'll do my best, T. My damn best."

"That's all that's required. I wouldn't stay too long coddled up in here. The rumors are growing fast and steady. I'm still wondering why Janet is stuck in the middle of them." Sam blushed.

"I… You guys didn't hear that one?"

"Which one?" Jack asked after exchanging a weird glance with Teal'c.

"Ah… There was a rumor when we stopped talking to each other, that we were... Hmm… Engaged in a threesome and somehow Daniel walked in on us."

"Really? They think the Doc has it on her?" Jack asked, a bit surprised. Sam and Teal'c exchanged a smile.

"Janet certainly is… Creative…" Teal'c said before he left the room.

"Wait? You…?" Sam chuckled at his reaction.

"Janet's my friend, Jack. She tells me things she won't discuss with anyone else. After all this time, she still does," she added the latter with an awed expression.

"That's good. I'm glad you got a friend in her." He smiled. "So, ready to go?"

"Yup. Oh, I need to call Jessica first, to let her know I'll be a bit late." She said, turning off her computer and picking up her phone. She waited for a second, tapping her fingers on her desk. "Jessica? I'll be a bit late. I just need to make a pit stop before I can get there… Yes. I'll see you both soon." She lowered the phone. "Ready?"

"Hell, yes!"

They hurried to the elevators. Mitchell, Vala, Daniel, and Teal'c had joined them on level 25, heading for the mess hall.

"General…" Mitchell started. Jack turned slightly back to watch him, an amused smile on his face.

"I'm on my wait out, Mitchell. Whatever it is… Will have to wait." Jack answered.

"Actually, sir… I was talking with General Carter…" Cam said. Sam grinned.

"I'm on my wait out too, Mitchell. Whatever it is, it will have to wait." Sam answered in the same manner. The doors opened, Vala dragged Daniel out.

"Have an excellent weekend," Teal'c said, walking out of the elevator himself. "My regards to Parker Carter."

"Will do," Jack answered. As Teal'c pulled a confused Mitchell out of the small space. The door closed and Cam frowned.

"Will I ever manage to understand those two?" He asked.

"What's there to understand?" Vala answered.

"I don't know. One minute they barely talk or even smile at tall. Then they are kinda friendly, then they don't talk and avoid each other, and now…" He waved. Vala laughed.

"They fuck, Cam... What's there to understand?" Vala said before she linked her arms with Daniel and walked away.

"Wait, what?" Cam asked, rushing behind them. "You mean… They're… Together?" he whispered, looking at the three people in front of him.

"Who is?" Janet asked as they reached her. Teal'c gave her hand a light squeeze and a meaningful glance.

"So they finally solved it?" She asked him.

"Indeed."

"Great. It was about damn time!" Janet smiled.

"I just hope they find it in them to forgive me…" Daniel said, a glint of hope in his eyes.

"They already have…" Vala answered.

"Will I ever understand what's going on around here?" Cam whined. They looked at each other and shrugged.

"Maybe… One day," Vala answered.

**Friday, February 22, 2013**

"Remind me again, why we didn't do this yesterday?" Jack asked.

"Because, if I remember correctly, we could barely move?" Sam grinned.

"Oh, I remember moving all right."

"I remember you complaining about not being able to get me off of you." She pointed out. "But you're right, that was this morning, not yesterday." Sam shrugged before he could say something else. "So, anything else you think you'd need?"

He looked down at the duffel in his hand and to the one in hers. "Nah, can't think of anything else from here that I need. Besides, we aren't that far away if I need to get something."

"Right. Ready to go then?"

"No?" He said. She smiled softly and walked to him. She enveloped him in a hug. He tightened it, breathing her in.

"Don't be scared, Jack. Parker will have your head filled with all kinds of information before you have time to process it."

"That's easy for you to say. You've known her, her entire life." He mumbled.

"And you've seen most of it, Jack. It's not that complicated. Believe me, she's not that complicated at all. She's surprisingly easy for how much of a screw up I am."

"You're not a screw-up." She snorted.

"Yes, I am." She broke the embrace. "And so are you…" she added before pecking his lips. "And as the screws-up we are, we have our first appointment with Doctor Moore, next Tuesday. Now, let's go before we find another wall or door." She giggled, pulling his hand and walking towards the door.

They drove back to her house, and once again they parked side by side in her driveway. She smiled and got down of the SUV, turning around to watch him. She walked to him and embraced him from behind.

"Hey, what's that for?" he said, tangling his hands with hers.

"You are here." She said. He turned around in her arms and kissed her.

"Until you don't want me here anymore." He said.

"Then you're stuck with me forever." She grinned. "Need some help, old man?"

"Just for that," Jack chuckled, pushing one of his bags into her hands.

"Follow me, we'll be late for dinner." She threw over her shoulders, leading the way inside. "Honey, I'm home!" Sam shouted out of the blue as she dropped his bag on the floor. Behind her, Jack chuckled and turned her around to kiss her. She whimpered as his lips collided with hers and kissed him back fiercely.

Someone cleared her throat. Breaking them out of their bubble. Sam turned around to find Jessica looking at her with a surprised expression on her face.

"Jessica."

"Miss C." The young woman said. Parker stopped next to her.

"Jessica, have I ever introduced you to my husband?" Sam asked as Parker's eyes widened.

"You mean?" P asked, unable to contain the smile blossoming on her face.

"This is Jack, Parker's dad." Sam finished, leaning back against him.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, sir. So, Mrs. C?" Jessica wondered. Sam chuckled and nodded. Getting a smile from the younger woman.

"Dinner should be ready in half an hour. I was just waiting for you to go home. Ah, if I were you, I'd get rid of the uniforms… You know, tomato sauce stains are awful on dress blues." She winked at them. "Parker, enjoy your family," Jessica added, patting her head.

They watched Jessica go, but Parker was still looking at them closely.

"You never said..."

"That we were married?" Sam asked.

"Yeah."

"We were… We are…" Sam said, biting her lower lip.

"And those bags?" Parker asked, looking from the bags to her parents. Jack shuffled his weight awkwardly.

"Will you mind if we become a family?" Sam wondered.

"Really?" Parker asked, widening eyes filled with hope and joy. Sam nodded. "Like a real family?"

"That's the idea," Sam agreed.

"And you agree with it?" Parker asked, looking at Jack. He cleared his throat, not trusting in his voice, and nodded. She rushed to them and embraced them tightly. "Best day ever!"

"P, there's something else…" Sam said.

"More?"

"You're going to be a big sister."

"What?"

"Yup. We're pregnant…" Jack left out, still awed by that whole concept.

"Oh my God! I'm so happy!"

"You are?"

"It's all I've ever wanted and then some!" They both released the breath they were holding. "Wait? You thought I wouldn't?"

"We were a bit worried, yes."

"Gosh! I need to call Mia! And Anna! Holy Hannah! Cassie will flip!"

"Just don't mention the baby yet!" Sam shouted as their daughter rushed down the hall.

"Will do!" P shouted back.

"Cassie?" Jack asked, placing a kiss on her neck as they watched amusedly Parker's disappearing form.

"Cassandra Fraiser… It's quite amazing how those two hit it off. Age difference and all." She turned around in his arms again and bit her lower lip. "Whatcha say if we get rid of the uniforms as Jessica has recommended, huh?" She wiggled her eyebrows. Her hand found his head, lowering it down for yet another kiss. He undid the buttons of her jacket and she chuckled richly.

"I think we might need to take this elsewhere." He mumbled against her lips.

"Well, Jessica did mention there's at least half an hour until dinner's done." She bit her lower lip and grabbed one of his bags. "Are you coming, General?" He shook his head, grabbing the other one and following her inside.

She threw her jacket on the floor, and turned around, buttons of her blouse already half undone. He watched her with widened eyes as she stalked towards him. Closing the door behind him and pressing herself against him.

"Wha- watcha' doing?" he asked breathily.

"Whatcha' think?" she said, fumbling with his jacket and shirt buttons.

"What about Parker?"

"She's on the phone," Sam shrugged, then she nibbled his ear. "Besides, didn't I mention that I soundproofed this room when we had to remodel the bathroom?" She whispered before she moved to the side and locked the door. She sashayed her way to the bed, losing her blouse on the way. "Aren't you getting rid of those blues, sir?" She asked innocently, lowering her now fully naked form onto her bed.

"Yes, ma'am." He said before he joined her.

Half an hour later, they were sitting at the table. Parker eyed them closely for a while before she shrugged it off.

"So… Dad, are you going to live with us now?" She frowned.

"I... I would like that."

"And you agree with that, mom?"

"Yes." She squinted at them again. Sam's hand found Jack's and held it gave it a light squeeze. He, in turn, grabbed the hand she'd laid on him. Settling their linked hands on the table. Parker squinted at the linked hands on display, for a second.

"Okay." P shrugged.

"Okay?" They both asked at once.

"Yup. Besides, you're awfully cute together." She said. Jack's smile grew impossibly big.

"Did you hear that, Carter? We're cute."

"It seems we are," she nodded. He placed a kiss on her cheek then and ruffled Parker's hair. His eyes widened when he noticed the look on his daughter's face.

"I'm sorry… I …"

"It's okay. I just… Usually, it's only mom or Jess doing it. I like it," She grinned. Jack let out the breath he was holding. "Why, were you scared?" Parker frowned.

"P… I explained it to you." Sam replied.

"Really? You're afraid I won't like you?" P asked, not understanding how that could even be possible.

"Yeah." He said.

"Didn't you watch my videos?"

"I have."

"Then?"

"That's someone you thought I was, Parker. What if I'm not who you think I am?"

"Don't you love me?" She frowned then.

"I do."

"Isn't that the only thing it matters?" She asked. "Mom said that I could hate her sometimes. That she could hate me sometimes, but the only thing we couldn't ever do is stop loving each other. If we love each other, then no matter the screw-ups, everything will be okay." Jack smiled at her, then turned towards Sam.

"I knew you were the smartest of the two." He said. Sam shook her head, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"She said you taught her that." P shrugged.

"I did?"

"Yup."

"When?" He frowned.

"Several times throughout the years." She shrugged. "Does it matter when?"

"I guess not." Jack shrugged.

"Aww… It's almost as if you're only missing some background music," Parker giggled.

"Remind me to check what movies you watch when you're with your friends!" Sam laughed. "So, how was your day, P?"

As Parker started telling them about their day, Jack figured out that Sam was right. P was going to allow him in, even if he hadn't fully tried before. He had his girls, everything was perfect in his world.

**The end?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... I thought it was it back then... but no... see you in the next and sadly, final, chapter... :)


	104. Chapter 103

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This journey started way back in Pre-Pandemic times, now almost 10 months and 300k words later, we finally say goodbye to this rollercoaster of angst and love and you wanting to kill me because I wouldn't knock their heads together. :D
> 
> Thank you, so much... for all the time you guys invested here. All the tears and anger and chuckles and every little thing this monstrosity of words made you feel. For all the comments and moments you left behind.
> 
> Now, we let them go...
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> M.

**Chapter 103**

**Sunday, February 23, 2013**

Sam stirred up as she felt someone watching her. She opened her eyes to find Parker looking at her while kneeling on the floor beside her bed. Jack's hand was heavily placed on her waist as he softly snored on her ear.

"P? What's wrong?" Sam whispered, trying not to wake Jack up.

"Are you happy?" Parker asked, looking at her mom seriously.

"I am," Sam answered, not a hint of doubt in her whispery tone.

"Will you forget about me now that you have Dad and a new baby coming?" Parker frowned.

"I could never forget about you, P. Why would you think that?"

"Dunno," She shrugged.

"P... You know you can tell me anything, right?" The girl nodded. "So, what's wrong?" Sam said. Jack's breathing had changed, telling Sam that he was awake. She gave his hand a light squeeze so he wouldn't do anything.

"I woke up. I had this not so great dream and I came looking for you, you know? Like I always did? When I saw you… I was just thinking that you have him to cuddle up with now," P took a deep breath. "You don't need me anymore." Parker finished, chewing her lower lip.

"Do you want to cuddle with me?" Sam smiled. Parker nodded. "Then hop in, there's plenty of space here." She said moving the covers to the side and patting the space in front of her.

"And… Dad?" Parker asked worriedly. Although it was laced with a plea for her mom to say her dad wouldn't mind. It was Jack's turn to squeeze Sam's hand as if pleading along with P.

"He won't mind," Sam smiled brightly.

"Are you sure?" P squinted.

"Want to ask him?"

"I… Don't know."

"Parker, it's too early in the day for so many questions…. Hop in the bed and cuddle up with your mom. So she'll stop thinking, you'll stop worrying and we can all get back to sleep." Jack mumbled against Sam's skin, bringing goosebumps all over her body.

"Told ya'" Sam grinned as Parker placed herself right next to Sam. A tear left Sam's eye. Her family was here, complete, after all, they'd been through. There wasn't anything else in the world that could make it better.

"Carter…" Jack mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Stop thinking," Jack stated. Placing a quick kiss on her neck and cuddled closer to them both, managing to embrace the two of them.

"Yes, sir." She grinned and Parker giggled. It was so contagious that soon Sam was giggling too. Jack groaned.

"So much for a late morning…" He shook his head. "Since you two look oh-so-comfy… Why don't I get started on breakfast? How pancakes' sound?"

"With chocolate chips?" Parker grinned.

"Ow! And scrambled eggs." Sam smiled.

"Can we get bacon too?" Parker pleaded.

"All right, all right! Geez… How many stomachs do you girls have?"

"There's a food stomach and a dessert one." They said at once, making him laugh.

"Okay, okay… Let me get a quick shower and I'll start. Enjoy the cuddling," he said. Pecking Sam's lips and ruffling Parker's hair.

"He loves you, doesn't he?" Parker asked, making herself comfortable half atop of Sam.

"He does." Sam nodded in awe.

"How cool is that?"

"Very cool indeed."

"You think we should help him?" P wondered after a while.

"Are you up to that?"

"You mean cooking breakfast with my mom and dad?"

"I guess that's what I mean."

"Oh, I've been waiting for that my entire life!" She exclaimed, jumping out of the bed and rushing to her room. Sam laughed and stood up too.

"Well, seems like a need a shower too." She grinned, opening the door of the bathroom. Jack was concentrated on showering. So he didn't hear her coming until she embraced him from behind. Sam laughed wholeheartedly when he yelped at the intrusion.

"Carter!" He whined as he turned around in her arms. She scurried away some water from her face and chuckled. "Weren't you two cuddling?"

"Yup, but we thought we'd like to help you cook. We can't allow you to burn our breakfast, can we?" He kissed her thoroughly.

"No O'Neill on Earth has ever burned a pancake before," Jack stated seriously. Sam laughed.

"Move away, will ya? I need to shower too." She said swatting his ass. "And FYI… There's a Carter-O'Neill out there that has burned more than just one pancake."

"Hmm… I bet that's the Carter side, in that one that keeps burning'em." He said.

"Go, get dressed, General. That kid will be barrelling in here as soon as she finishes."

"Aren't you coming?" He asked getting out of the shower.

"I say I was helping, not cooking. I'll be there ASAP."

"Yes, ma'am!" He mocked saluted her, making her giggle again.

Shaking her head, Sam watched him go and stood under the spray for a while. Just thinking of how different this shower was from many of the showers she'd taken during the previous almost twelve years. Now, she had them both under the same roof. She hadn't need to cry herself to sleep the previous night. Instead, she'd slept cocooned into Jack's embrace and woke up to her daughter's watchful eyes.

There still were many things they would need to overcome. She had to deal with her own mind, and sure, Jack did too. She still had to find the courage to let him see the videos she'd made. They'll still be a somewhat awkward family while learning how to live together as a family. She still had to deal with the issues from the base and sure Jack had to deal with those too. There still was the stress of having to juggle her time to help Jordan and keep their business running smoothly. And yes, there still were people out there that could try to get to her… Them…

But for now, she was happy to let it all rest.

Taking her time, so they could bond. She dried herself and got dressed. Finding the one pink sweater Parker had given her for her birthday. She smiled. She didn't feel like wearing her black clothes today. She donned it and padded to the kitchen.

"Whoa! You're serious?"

"Yup!" Jack said, accenting the p.

"Four brothers?" Parker asked in awe.

"And three sisters…" Jack added.

"Whoa… How many cousins do I have then?"

"Too many," Sam grinned, joining them.

"Yup, that sounds about right," Jack confirmed as he flipped one pancake. "See, P… It's all in the wrist."

Sam sat on the kitchen counter as she watched them cook. She could be there forever. She could start to forgive herself for all the things she'd done, if only because they were together. Laughing, joking, loving each other as it always was supposed to be.

"Earth to Carter…" Jack said, as he turned the stove off and found her sitting there quietly observing them. "Everything all right?" He asked, coming to stand between her legs.

"Yeah… I was just thinking…" There was a snort coming from both Parker and Jack. Showing her just how alike they were.

"You do that aaaaaall the time, mom." Parker chuckled.

"Very funny." She deadpanned.

"So… you were 'rarely' thinking…" Jack prodded, as he noticed the faint blush covering her cheeks.

"That Parker should meet your family."

"Yeah, she should!" Parker agreed, making them chuckle.

"But there's more, isn't there?"

"That our anniversary is just around the corner…"

"The first one that we get to celebrate it together…." Jack acknowledged.

"So… I thought…" she blushed more. Seeing her looking utterly adorable all flustered, he pecked her lips. "I thought that we could, I don't know, renew our vows?" She said, lowering her eyes, embarrassed as her own proposal.

"Would you want to?" Jack asked, raising her face with his fingers.

"I guess it would be nice to say those again, knowing that we'd be able to stick to them, without having to be apart for once."

"And you want to do it there?" He guessed.

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all… It would be an honor. I'm sure Shannon will be thrilled."

"So, whatcha say?" She said jumping off of the counter. Taking her by surprise, Jack kneeled.

"Samantha Carter, would you make me the happiest man alive, and marry me?" He smiled brightly. "Again?" Jack added, winking at P.

Parker laughed as Sam nodded, tears falling down her eyes as she kissed Jack.

"Okay, kids. Breakfast is cooling down…" Parker said before she turned around. "And then they say movies are corny…" she mumbled walking away from her kissing parents.

**Tuesday, March 12, 2013**

Jack's town was crowded. The tiny five-bedroom B&B hasn't seen so many people since the last high school reunion. It's odd, too, that people are out there on a Tuesday. But they wanted to make it right. Making it right meant they had to do it on the right date too.

This time around, Sam isn't wearing a quickly found wedding dress. It was one that Janet, Vala, Cassie, Parker, and she had searched for. Harper, Shannon, and Libby had also flown to Colorado to check out the dress and to complete the outfit with 'that red little number that I'm sure worked just fine the first time around' as Harper had put it.

Libby had also the chance of meeting Parker then. Easily finding all the O'Neillisms of the girl. Finally, Sam, Jack, and Parker had driven to Jack's town late on Sunday night. Stopping on the way to watch the sunrise.

Parker had experienced her first very loud family dinner the previous night. Jack had stopped in front of his parents' home and watched his two women with a smile on his face. "Ready?" He asked. Sam nodded and Parker took a deep breath. Sam looked at Jack and he got down first.

"P… Everything will be all right. You already know your Aunts and your Uncle Connor. They'll love you." She said as reassuringly as she could.

"Okay. Let's do this." P grinned. They walked to the front door and as soon as the door was opened, they were pulled inside and embraced tightly. Before they could even start to process what was going on, they were standing inside the living room, and silence filled the previously loud room.

"Everyone… Y'all remember Sam, don't you? And this is Parker." He added proudly, placing reassuring hands on P's shoulders.

"Oh, come on! It looks like you've never seen another O'Neill before," Connor said, rolling his eyes as he reached the family. "P, it's so nice to see you again."

"Uncle Connor!" She said throwing herself into his arms.

"Don't worry, P. We are many, but the ones you don't know... They're all just dying to meet you." He whispered to her ear before he let her go.

"Ah, there's one more thing…" Sam said. Since they already had the family's attention. Jack grinned, embracing her from behind and placing his hand over her belly.

"There will be one O'Neill more in a few months." Loud congratulations, hugs, kisses, and introductions were exchanged then. Parker couldn't find herself more at ease among equally chatty cousins, aunts, and uncles. Her grandparents had issues letting her out of their grasp. So, she found herself beyond at ease among the crowd, which was really just the family she never thought she had.

Like every day for the past nineteen days, Sam stirred awake to the warm body of her husband. Feeling his protective hand over her stomach. By the way, he'd pressed into her, she knew he was awake. She turned in his arms and pecked his lips softly.

"Good morning to you too," Jack whispered before he turned her around and placed himself covering her body.

"Don't you save anything for the honeymoon?" Sam giggled.

"I was just going to take advantage of the fact that our daughter has chosen to have a sleepover with her cousins instead of coming back here." He said, huskily. Her leg sneaked up and pressed his hips closer to hers.

"No complaints here, General."

They enjoyed themselves, for once taking their sweet time to rediscover each other now that they were finally fully alone. They got up from the bed only when Sam was so overloaded that the sightless touch could send her screaming in ecstasy. Jack had carried her to the bathroom because her legs had given up when she'd tried to stand.

Finally, and luckily, it was around the time when they'd finally gotten out of the room and into the kitchen that a truck stopped in the driveway. Parker came shouting happily, followed by Shannon.

"Good morning, although… Shouldn't be you starting to get ready, Sam? Not just having breakfast." She asked knowingly. She eyed Jack and slapped the back of his head.

"Hey! What was that for?" Jack complained, rubbing his head.

"Nothing," Shannon shrugged. Waiting until Parker had disappeared into the guest room. "It's just that you look utterly pleased with yourself."

"He has all the reasons to," Sam grinned mischievously, making Jack blush.

"Good, huh? Oh, well, at least this time he did get you to the bed, right?" Sam laughed at this. She had always known that Shannon had figured out what had happened that night between them.

"He did." Sam nodded, "several times." Shannon rolled her eyes then.

"Your friends are waiting for you, at the B&B. They guys were about to come to find you, Jack. There's one missing, though. That one who wrote the book? What was his name, again?"

"Daniel?"

"Yeah. The one with the golden thing said Daniel didn't make it. He didn't say why."

"Oh," Sam said a bit sadly. She had forgiven him, and they had started to fix their issues. Daniel wouldn't ever be the friend she thought he was meant to be, but that didn't mean he wasn't Jack's best friend.

Sam sighed. Her dad couldn't be there, Mark wouldn't be either… Now, Daniel. Jack noticed the saddened demeanor and placed a kiss on her neck. "Don't worry, Carter. Everything will be all right."

"I guess, if you, P and myself are there… There's more than I could've ever asked for before, right?" She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Yeah."

"So, I hate to break bad news and then ask you to join me… but that's exactly what I came here for. Hair, make-up, and then fitting you into that gorgeous gown you picked!"

"I'm ready!" Parker said, bringing her suitcase out from the guest room.

After that, everything was a blur. She was pampered and moved from one caring hand into another as they did her hair and makeup. Janet, Vala, Cassie, were shocked to find out about Jack's sisters and were prodding all sorts of information out of the willing mouths.

On the other end of town, Jack had opened the door to Teal'c and Jordan. He was surprised that there was another truck parking in his driveway. He smiled brightly when he noticed just who it was. Things were going to be more than just all right.

The church was filled to the brim, not only with the friends who had come all the way from out of town. Jack's large family and everyone in town who had missed it the first time around was there. The small church was packed, making the place quite warm.

The car bringing Sam stopped in front of the church. Sam took a deep breath as she got out, helped down by the hand of Jonathan O'Neill Sr. He stood to the side as he waited until her gown was all fixed before they walked to the door.

She saw her sisters-in-law disappearing inside to walk down the aisle, followed by Vala, Cassie, Janet, and Parker. Then the doors opened, the crowd stood up, and Sam held her breath. It wasn't the first time she'd done this, yet her heart was beating wildly.

Her father-in-law kissed her cheek and let her go. Making her panic for a second until another hand grabbed her arm, and her eyes found him.

"Dad?"

"Someone told me I missed this the first time around. Eleven years went by, and I never figured out you tied the knot, Sammie." He said. "I figured I couldn't miss this for anything. Thank God, Daniel was still around when I managed to get back."

They started walking. There was no way she could keep her smile at bay. "But Daniel was supposed to come yesterday." She said. Jacob smiled and pointed to the side.

"We had to make a stop first." He said. Sam noticed Mark and his wife in the crowd. "We love you, Sam. No matter how screwed up our family is, we do love you." Jacob said, and a happy tear fell from her eye. "He does too," he added, nodding towards the front of the church, where Jack was waiting for her. The rest of the walk was done in silence, with her eyes fixed on Jack's.

"Jack, you'd better take care of her," Jacob said as they stopped close to him.

"Will do, dad. There's no easier promise than that." Jack grinned. Noticing the tears falling from her eyes, he cleaned them with the pad of his thumb. "No more tears, Sam. We've done all of that." He whispered. She couldn't agree more.

As they suspected, they were too emotional to be able to give their own version of the vows. Connor had them repeat the same ones they'd used twelve years earlier. They smiled when they noticed they hadn't faltered with any of them. They had loved, respected, cherished each other mostly in the bad… and they were now ready to have the good.

The party was loud.

Their friends mingling with Jack's family and finding out just how much they hadn't known about Jack. They were surprised to see that Sam had known all the ones that had been born before her disappearance. Jordan tapped Sam's shoulders. She turned around to find him with a woman she'd known.

"Kira?" She asked surprised. "I mean, Sarah."

"Sam," she grinned. "Or should I say, General O'Neill?"

"Sam's quite all right. But how? Why?" Sam wondered as she looked from the woman she knew as Kira to Jordan.

"Ah, she has something for you and was searching for you but couldn't find you. So, I thought…" Jordan shrugged, and Kira gave her a folder.

"I hope you don't mind?" She said as she watched Sam read it. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to keep both last names or not… but it was the safest way. This is the original file." Kira said.

"What about…"

"I placed an edited version in your original file. I kinda figured out the dates. Thank God, Rob wasn't so keen on pregnancies." Kira grinned. Sam hugged her tightly.

"God! Thank you… So, much. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't warned me."

"I did what I had to do, Sam. I truly hoped you could fix what I couldn't." Kira smiled honestly. "Okay. Now, I got to go… There's a woman somewhere who needs to learn a new identity. You know how that goes, right?"

"Wish her luck, but she has you. So, I'll bet everything will work out in the end." Jack approached her as the other woman walked away.

"So, what was that all about?" Jack asked. Sam gave him the folder.

"Really?"

"It seems so…" Sam smiled. He touched the document in his hand, awed. 'Parker McKenna Carter-O'Neill' it said under the name and last name, while under father, his name appeared filling the spaces.

Parker joined them. She looked at them and to the folder in her dad's hand. Sam nodded encouragingly, so Jack gave it to Parker.

"Really?" She said. An almost identical expression to Jack's previous one on her face.

"Yup." They both agreed. She embraced them both at once.

"Best day ever!" She shouted. Giving them the folder and mixing with the crowd. Jack looked at Sam and shrugged.

"She's right, you know?" He said. "Let me place this somewhere safe."

When he returned, he walked Sam to the dancing floor. They didn't care that everyone was watching them. One of his hands was spread open on the small of her back. One of hers rested at his neck, playing with the short hair there. Opposite hands were linked together tightly, as if their lives depended on it, pressed between their bodies.

Their gazes were locked, their eyes never wavered –blues watching browns. Browns glued to blues.- Both shining with unspoken words, as both prayed the soft notes would never come to an end. They moved slowly to a rhythm all their own, never breaking apart. There wasn't even an inch between the two. It was a time that was theirs and theirs alone, one perfectly stolen moment.

It was way past Parker's bedtime, but it was her parent's wedding anniversary. So, they allowed her to stay awake. It wasn't surprising to find them there, still dancing, even if the song they were dancing to had long ended. Glued together as if they were stuck in a bubble all their own.

There was not even an inch between them, because they knew what it was to spend years apart. Parker knew now, though, that was how love was supposed to look like. She knew now that shiny eyes and unspoken words were the most genuine displays of love.

There was no confusion anymore because love looked like that when they were together. There was nothing that could break them apart now. He was her rock, and she was his. They had survived even the most painful thing of all… They had survived time.

**The end! (FINALLY!)**


End file.
